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Chapter 32:

In what felt like minutes I was awoken to beating on my hotel door. It literally made my heartstop. It was already seven in the morning.

“It’s me.”I heard from the other side. I could feel the chunks rising.

“I told you to stay there! Theyre gonna kick you out of the program.”I said as he pushed past me to turn the light on. He wanted to see the damage and honestly so did I.

“I don’t give a shit about that. This is more important.”he said pushing my hair out of my face so he could see my cheek. It must look bad because his pupils got huge all of the sudden. His eyes softened as he rubbed the back of his hand over my cheek. “I’m sorry i wasn’t here to protect you.”

“He didn’t mean to.”I said and he rolled his eyes as he turned my face so i could look in the mirror. It looked horrible. There was still a handprint mark and it was slowly turning black and blue.

“I could slit his damn throat right now.”he said breathing out hard as he pulled me into his chest. His breathing was getting pretty rapid and he was getting all worked up.“What happened?”

“I went back to his place after I left the airport and he was trying to apologize for being a jerk and -”I paused for a minute because I didn’t want to cry. If I cried, he would flip out and he definetly would go start something with Nick. He hated when someone made me cry. “And I told him we slept together and he flipped, asked me to choose between you and him and I told him I wouldn’t and that if he made me that it’d be...”I stopped unsure of whether to say this to him because if I did I was letting him back in. He looked at me waiting for me to go on. “I told him I’d choose you.”He formed what little of a smile he could as there was another knock on the door. My stomach sank....please don’t be Nick.

The look on Brian’s face as he opened the door to AJ and not me was priceless. “She found out.”he said pushing past him. Mother fucker. “I guess Kevin called to talk to me after Nick called him, Baylee answered and gave the phone to Leigh. She’s on her way here from downtown and she is gonna flip her shit so I’m just warning you.” I sat back on the bed and sighed. This was turning into such a big deal, everything with Backstreet turned into such a drama queen big ass deal. “And what the hell are you doing here?”he asked turning to AJ who was pacing in front of the window.

“Coming to take care of the problem.”he said all tough.

“I had it under control. You needed to stay and take care of your problem first.”Brian said as he followed us into the living room area of my hotel room.

“This is my problem Bri!”AJ practically yelled as he threw his hands up in frustration. “I love her.”The room was full of awkward silence now as we all studied the floor. I let him slide his hand in mine and looked up at his crooked smile. “I’m not gonna let him hurt her, no matter if she’s with me or not. I’m not gonna let anything happen to her.”He was talking about me like i wasn’t in the room, but he stared at me as hard as he could.

“Yea but Alex we have it under control. I told you I would watch over her while you were gone. We’ve had this conversation.”Brian said.

“And look how it turned out.”he said rolling his eyes.

“Regardless I was taking care of it. You should have stayed. God, it’s in the new contract with Jive that you would go. You’re just willing to give up...”Brian stopped because I was looking so confused.

“What’s he talking about?”I asked dropping my hand from his as I looked up at him. He breathed out heavily as he pressed his fingers into his temples.

“We signed a new contract with Jive before he left saying that he had to go to rehab and all of us had to make sure he stayed or our contract would be terminated...”Brian started.

“They won’t even know I’m gone.”AJ said defending himself.

“Are you kidding? I bet they already know! This is all of our careers not just your own man.”Brian yelled.

“I couldn’t not come Brian. They’ll understand.”AJ said rolling his eyes. “You know I couldn’t just stay there.”

“Fucking Aaron. I could kill him for making this such a huge deal.”I said running my hands through my hair. AJ breathed out heavily and looked up at Brian.

“You know I had to come man.”he sighed looking for some sort of understanding from Brian.

“You better call Jenn and let her know what’s up because this could potentially really screw us you know that!”Brian yelled. His breathing had not slowed and his face was red as hell. His face shot over to the door as there was another knock. “Go answer it! I’m sure as hell not!”he said looking over at me. I felt like I might throw up because Leighanne was about to ream me. I slowly opened the door and she pushed it open so fast it almost knocked me over.

“I told you, WE TOLD YOU!”she yelled as she stood in front of me. “We say don’t mess with Nick, you fuck Nick...we say don’t date Nick, you fucking date Nick! WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO FIGURE IT OUT!?! Brian has known him his whole life Caroline don’t be so naive that you would be the exception!!!”
“Leigh calm down.”I said putting my hands on her shoulders.

“You have always just been so damn stupid when it comes to guys and I knew this shit was gonna happen from day one! And I let it go on, I told Brian I hated every minute of it, and Caroline I am sick of it. If I would have known all of this was going to happen I would have never asked you to babysit Baylee.”she said so frustrated she was about to start crying.

“I wish you wouldn’t have.”I said sighing as I looked up at AJ.

“I mean look at you...have you seen your face?!? You look horrible! Is this is the first time he has done this to you and don’t even try to lie.”Leighanne asked trying to calm down as Brian rubbed his hand up her back.

“Yes Leigh this is the first time.”I said and she narrowed her eyes at me. “ITS THE FIRST TIME!” I yelled as tears burst from my eyes. I was so sick of everyone yelling at me. My face hurts like hell. I can barely open my right eye. The room was silent for a moment as everyone was searching for something to say.

“What the hell are you doing here?”Leighanne directed her anger towards AJ.

“I had to.”he said quietly looking down at his feet.

“You didn’t have to do anything! All of this would never have happened if it wasn’t for you starting shit with her. You couldn’t just respect Brian and me and be good to our niece.”she said. I watched AJ’s fists clinch.

“Stop it Leigh!”I said watching her face shoot over to the door to my hotel room which had been left wide open.

“You mother fucker!”AJ said under his breath as Brian put his arm in front of AJ to stop him from lunging at Nick.

“Can we just...”Nick said.

“You don’t get to say anything Nick. Just go.”Leighanne said pushing his chest.

“Caroline do something.”Nick pleaded as he was being pushed out of the door.

“She’s not gonna do shit for you.”AJ yelled. His breathing was getting very heavy as he hovered over me.

“I wasn’t talkin to you.”Nick said rolling his eyes.

“Anything you have to say to her you can say to me.”AJ said pushing his hand into mine.

“So that’s how it is now? One bad thing and you’re with him again.”Nick said shaking his head.

“You fucked up.”AJ yelled as Leighanne was being unsuccessful in holding Nicks twice her size body out the door.

“Not as bad as you.”Nick said quietly. I felt the force of AJ push past me straight into Nick as he pushed him up against the wall.

“I have let this shit go on for to damn long with you.”he said as he had Nick pinned. Leighanne was yelling at Brian to do something, but what was he supposed to really do? The sound of AJ’s fist hitting Nick’s cheek was the loudest thing I have ever heard in my life. The room seemed to be spinning as he just kept beating the shit out of his face. I found my feet moving under me as I was yelling for him to stop.

“STOP IT!”I yelled as I put my hands up on his shoulders to pull him off. “STOP! You’re gonna really hurt him babe! STOP!”I said as he let his grip go and Nick slumped down on the floor.

“I’m done. I’m done.”AJ said putting his hands up to surrender. “I just wanted him to know how it feels. That’s what a real man does for someone he cares about.”Nick squinted as he looked up at him.

“Fuck you.”Nick muttered as he breathed out heavily. His face was fucked up.

“I can’t believe you did NOTHING!”I turned to look at Brian. “YOU LET THIS HAPPEN!”

“Don’t blame this on him Caroline. You know this is your fault.”Leighanne said with her hands on her hips. She was completely fed up and so was I.

“LOOK AT NICK!”I yelled turning back over to him. God it was almost unbearable to look at his face. “You could have STOPPED it!”

“Maybe I didn’t want to.”Brian said and Nick looked up at him. Betrayed by his best friend. I walked over to Nick and squatted down in front of him taking his bloodied face into my hands. He looked pitiful.

“That’s great Caroline.”AJ muttered from behind me.

“Do you need to go to the hospital?”I asked staring at him. He looked away from me quickly not wanting to answer.

“Regardless of what he did to me or with me guys he’s your brother. He’s still your fucking brother. I don’t forget my family.”I said holding my hand out to help him up.

“He stopped being my brother when he took you.”AJ said crossing his arms. I helped Nick into my bedroom and helped him lay down. I pulled the covers up over him and he caught my hand as I was turning to walk out.

“I’m sorry.”he tried to get out the best he could.

“I know.”I said as I closed the door behind me.

“I don’t even know why I came here. It’s the same bullshit. You’re such a liar. You were never planning to leave him even if I did get help and stay there.”AJ said practically running for the door.

“STOP!”I yelled. He wanted dramatics. He wanted me to beg him to stay. He wanted me to run after him so that he felt like I loved him. The truth is after tonight I don’t know what I want or who I want or if I even want a part in this Backstreet thing anymore. It’s way more than I bargained for and its honestly...its just getting to be to much. I grabbed his arm before he could get to the elevator and pulled him around to look at me. I was searching for anything to say to him, but the look on his face said everything. I fumbled around with the buttons on his blue plaid shirt and felt my breathing accelerate as he tried to pull away. “Please don’t do this.”

“How can I not?”he asked looking down at me. “If you wanna be with him, there’s nothing I can do about it. I think you just think that I’ll be here for you forever and that I won’t find someone else and I’ll just wait.”He said running the back of his hand over my cheek. “You’re wrong. And I will move on and you’re gonna figure out that you made the wrong decision today, because I know you love me a hell of a lot more than that asshole in there.”The elevator opened behind him and he stepped on. I wanted to reach out for him. I wanted to beg him, but I just couldn’t. I had no more strength for the situation anymore. None. Leighanne and Brian had sat down at the kitchen table to have a serious conversation with each other and how to handle me so I decided to stay outside and sit up against the wall. I needed some serious time to think. AJ hadn’t tried to call me. He always tried to call. I tried to calm my nerves down by saying he was headed back to rehab, but the truth was I didn’t even know if he would go back. The door opened and Nick poked his head out.

“Leave her alone Nick!”Brian yelled. Nick let the door slam behind him as he looked down at me.

“Can I sit?”he asked pointing to the floor beside me. I nodded my head yes and scooted over as he sat up against the wall next to me. He breathed out heavily and his eyes shifted back and forth from me to the floor as he frantically searched for something to say.

“Nick I love you...I do. It’s just - “I paused searching for the right way to phrase my sentence. “It’s just as much as I love you it’ll never be as much as I feel for him. You know what I mean? I can love you with all my heart, but it still, it just wouldn’t be the same.”

“Can’t you just try? I mean I can be better. You can come with us on the overseas tour. You can - “Nick searched.

“How would me coming on the tour help if he is there? Don’t you see. It would never work because he’s your bandmate Nick and I’ve already done enough damage. If there was no Backstreet Boys and you weren’t Nick Carter then yeah maybe...”I said rubbing my hand on his arm.

“Then I’ll quit. I don’t need the band. I want you.”Nick said and I laughed.

“Are you crazy? Do you hear yourself?”I asked and he smirked. “Your gonna give up your whole lifes work for me?”

“If you asked me to.”he said putting my hand into his.

“I would never ask you to do that.”I said looking up at him. “Your face looks bad.”

“So does yours.”he said sighing. “I’m sorry. I have just been so frustrated and I’ve never done anything like that to someone before. I just - I would never do it again.”

“I can’t just let you back in like that Nick.”I said squeezing his hand. “I think what would be best is for me to just take these next two weeks and be by myself. I’m gonna head back to Georgia with Leigh and then I’ll decide if I wanna come on the tour.” The boys were about to start their This Is Us Tour overseas as soon as AJ finished his rehab...if he even went back. So we shall see how that works out.

“That’s a long time.”Nick said swallowing hard.

“It’ll be fine.”I said not knowing if that was the truth or not. It’d been a long time since I had been by myself.

“Can I call you?”Nick asked as he ran his fingers through mine.

“Yeah I think that’d be okay.”I said smiling at him a little bit. He leaned in and pressed his lips to my cheek. I could feel it burning and my face turning red. He always made me blush. He was just so damn beautiful.

“I’m gonna get going.”he said as our noses touched. “See you in a few weeks.”he said as my heart sank. I was not going to get over him easily. Ugh.