There was a knock on the door. I clenched my eyes close as the sounds reverberated through my empty house, going straight into my head and pounding rhythmically. I was holed up in my room, and to a normal person the knocking would’ve sounded distant, or barely even heard… but I’m not normal, and every sound, even barely audible, transmits back to me so loudly.

The knocking continued, so did the pounding in my head, and I wish to god that it would all stop. I placed the pillow over my head in hopes to drown out the sound, but it worsened when I picked up who it was that was outside of my house, constantly knocking. I could feel his presence, feel the anxiety coursing through his mind. The loud jingling of keys only proved my mind correct. Nick.

I heard the door open and close, and heard his heavy footsteps trudge through the dark house. Why I gave them spare keys to my house, I’ll never know, but there was no way to stop Nick from coming to find me, there was no place for me to hide.

I could feel his presence looming outside my closed door. I sighed heavily, “What do you want Nick?” I smirked as I felt a sense of puzzlement and awe flash through his mind. He’s wondering how I knew it was him and… does he think I’m crazy?

“How did you…”

I cut him off before he could even get his question out. “There’s only four guys I gave spare keys too, and for the life of me I’ll never know why. Three out of the four guys never use their spare keys when they come to my house, leaving just one guy left.”

There was silence on the other side. Silence is golden.

“Can I…”

“Sure, why not?” I cut off his question again.

I heard my bedroom doorknob twist and I could hear the hinges creak a bit when he pushed the door open. “Please don’t turn on the lights.” I warned.

I heard his footsteps once again and even though my eyes were closed and a pillow was placed over my head, I could mentally see him slowly approach me, as if I was watching a movie of my current actions. He was looking down at me, I could feel his eyes burning holes right through my pillow.

“Did you pull the shortest straw?” I asked. I knew why he was here.

“If that’s what you think.” he replied.

I smirked once again. He finally caught on to the fact that two can play that game. It’s useless for him to ask questions anyway.

“What are you here for?” I questioned, and although I knew, I wanted to hear it come from him… just to prove my thoughts correct.

“We’re worried about you man.” Bingo. “We don’t know what’s going on with you, but we want to help.”

I scoffed. “How can you help me when you all think I’m crazy.” I heard his breathing hitch. I ripped the pillow off my head. “When I was laying in that hospital bed, you all just stared at me… looking lost, confused, concerned… scared. You can’t help me Nick… you fear me, and not in a sense of overpowering but… you all think I’m crazy.”

“That’s not true Alex…”

“Alright then Nickolas,” I shot up into a sitting position in my bed, “look me in the eyes and tell me that you don’t think I’m crazy.” I didn’t need the light to see if he was looking at me. My eyes were piercing into him, but his eyes weren’t piercing back. It was cast downwards. “That’s what I thought.”

“Jay, don’t…”

“It’s what I think.” I slowly drawled out. “Yeah Nick… I think I’m crazy… which is why I refuse to help myself in anyway. Like I said, you can’t help or even begin to understand someone when you think they’re crazy. So I’m doing what’s best for me, best for all of us… so you guys will stop staring at me as if I’m some sort of freak and I will no longer have to put up with all this bullshit… all this pain.”

“So, you expect to hide from the world forever?” he exploded. I winced and squeezed my eyes shut as I felt his anger radiate from him and enter my body with such force. “Locking yourself up in your house isn’t going to solve anything, nor is it going to change people’s thoughts about you.”

“Nick…” I whimpered.

“I think this whole situation is crazy. I don’t think you’re crazy. We don’t know what to do, we’re having a hard time with thinking rationally, but all we know is that we want to help you, that we have to help you.”

“Nick…” I choked out. The pain was causing me to slip away.

“I may not know how it feels to be surrounded by people you somehow know are afraid of you because they think you’re crazy, but I’m willing to understand and do whatever it takes to help you.”

“THEN HELP ME BY CALMING YOURSELF THE FUCK DOWN!” I exclaimed. The throbbing pain in my head threatened to take my consciousness, but as soon as I felt Nick slowly calm his anger down, I felt the pain ever so slowly dissipate.

I could hear his erratic heartbeat pound my eardrums. “Please calm down… please calm down…” I whispered softly to myself, but those words were meant for Nick. Once I heard his heartbeat on a regular pace, I released a breath I didn’t even know I was holding and kind of just slumped, psychically and mentally exhausted.

“Don’t… ever… do that… again.” I got out breathlessly.

“Do what again?”

There it was… his feeling of confusion and fear. I hate it when they fear me. “Yell at me.” That’s not what I wanted to tell him, but I didn’t want to freak him out more than he already was. “Please don’t yell at me again.”

I know I sounded like a little child, and in Nick’s eyes I was probably reminiscent to when I was younger at that moment. After that experience, I was left raw and vulnerable, too tired to do much of anything for myself. I felt this unbelievable sense of calm and protectiveness as Nick slowly made his way to my bed and sat down next to me. I sighed heavily when I realized that for that moment, Nick allowed to push his sense of fear aside and decided to come to the aid of his brother. Come to the aid of me.

I felt his arms wrap around my shoulders and I allowed him to pull me into a hug. I was older, and honestly this was the first time I had ever allowed Nick to console me and to surrender absolute trust to him. Deep down inside, I didn’t like this feeling of vulnerability and appearing so broken in front of the youngest, but the other part of me didn’t care. I wanted this. I needed this. I need his help.

“I won’t yell at you again Alex.” I heard him whisper as he still held me in his hug.

He was willing to understand me… and I was ready to allow him in. I need help.