There I sat, in the passenger seat of Nick’s car, one arm propped up on the door against the rolled up window, supporting my head which hung low. Out of the corner of my eyes I could see Nick, glancing over at me every once in a great while, his hands flexing and gripping the wheel, as if done as a nervous habit. Funny thing was, Nick normally drives with one hand while his other hangs out the window. I closed my eyes, trying to study him. Although he was nervous, he was at a calmer state, and his feelings of being freaked out was thankfully on the back burner.
“Where are we going?” I asked softly, breaking the silence. The least the kid could’ve done was put on the radio, play some music to help keep my mind off him and what he was feeling.
He turned to look at me for a while before he focused back out on the road, “Kevin’s house.” he finally replied.
My eyes snapped open, “What? Why?”
“Look man, we wanna try and help you…”
“I understand that Nick, but it seriously took me forever just to get through to you. The last thing I need is to be back in a room with all of you guys, staring at me and trying to figure me out. It’s why I left in the first place. I refuse to be scrutinized.”
Nick chuckled, “You’ve been under scrutiny for practically your whole life, so you can’t really say that you refuse it.”
“You know what I mean Nick.” I sighed, “Look, I’m fine with just you by my side for now, why can’t you give me time to better understand what the hell is going on with me before I face the others?”
“My god AJ, how long have you known us?” Nick asked in exasperation, “You’re making us the enemies here. I’m sure if the roles were reversed, where I was in your shoes and you were in mine, you’d be feeling the same exact way we are. We’re sorry man, we really are, but it’s something that’s freaking us all out, not just you. But the last thing you need to be doing is shutting us out, especially during this time. You gotta let us in to try and help you.”
Ever since I discovered this… curse, I had found myself to be more sensitive, highly prone to emotional outpours. “It’s not only that.” I replied, my voice shaking with emotion. “I just feel it’ll be better not only for everyone, but also for me to be secluded.” I really wanted to explain to him why, but I just knew that he wouldn’t understand. “I know if this situation were vice versa I’d be feeling the same as you guys do now, but it’s just hard when you’re the one being on the receiving end of it all. And even though you guys will go around and try to not treat me different, act like nothing’s wrong or nothing’s bothering you, I can still pick up on it.”
Nick sighed, “I know man. I’m just trying to picture all that you’re feeling right now and I seriously can’t.”
Honestly Nick? You don’t want to picture all that I’m feeling right now. “You know what’s gonna eventually happen?” I waited for Nick to answer, to which he only shook his head, “You guys are gonna try to convince me to go see a neurologist or something.”
“We won’t convince you to do anything you don’t wanna do.”
I shrugged, “Won’t matter, I’m trying to convince myself to see one anyway. I don’t wanna be some fucking test subject, or worse, have no results at all, which would probably make me look even more crazy. But there’s just no other option, is there?”
“Jay, we can keep this all to ourselves if you want us to. No one has to know, and you don’t have to see anyone.”
I closed my eyes once again, “As much as I would like to go with that option, I can’t. My whole life would have to change because of… whatever this is that I’m going through. And after that one incident, I don’t wanna go on enduring this any longer.” My mind conjured up the recent memory that happened a few weeks ago.
~*~*~*~
We had just wrapped up our Unbreakable tour and were taking time off to ourselves before we had to report back in the studio to start working on our next upcoming album. Rachel and I were on again, off again, but this was officially the longest we’ve been off; leaving me to be by myself in my house. Not to be downright negative about this situation, the break between us did give me a clear head and clear space to focus more on my solo album I’ve been promising the world for the last few years.
It was a quarter to two in the morning, and after spending my day gathering things together to help finalize my solo album, to which I only ended now, I decided that it was time to hit up the grocery store. I wasn’t really able to stock up on food since we had returned back home, and honestly I’ve been too lazy to get around to doing it; having just had fast food for breakfast, lunch and dinner almost everyday.
I still insist on doing early morning grocery shopping because it’s became a routine for me. Sure, we don’t have huge masses of people conveniently waiting at almost every location we’d go, swarming us like how they used to back in the day, but we still had a small group or following here or there. I just became so used to doing my shopping early in the morning, where there was hardly anyone around. Don’t have to deal with the bustling older females who had a novel rather than a shopping list to get what was needed to provide for their families, and the younger ones who were in a rush to get last minute things to prepare a meal before their husband got home. I could just go in, walk around leisurely and take my time in debating what it was that I wanted.
So, there I was, driving down an empty road, headed towards the nearest grocery market. As I pulled in, I was greeted by practically the whole parking lot closed off by “DO NOT ENTER” tape. It appeared as if they had repainted the stall lines and closed it off to allow it to dry. I looked around to see if there was anywhere else I could park, realizing that there were a few open stalls that were quite a way from the store. Early morning shopping with nobody here and I still have to park and walk quite a distance.
Sighing heavily, I pulled into the stall and got out of the car, surprised that there was not even one person out here shopping. Shrugging, I continued my trek towards the store when all of a sudden I heard a familiar noise off in the distance. The sound of sneakers scratching across the asphalt, pounding into the pavement, thundering in the still of the night.
I had remained forward, deciding to brush off the fact that I had tuned into someone running, but it wasn’t until I noticed that they were rearing up behind me that it peeked my curiosity. As the sound of the running individual grew closer and louder, it was then that I decided it was time to turn around to see exactly what the hell was going on. Before I could completely turn around to face the individual, I felt a strong and firm frame slam squarely into my body, knocking me to the ground, like a bowling ball knocking down a pin.
His hands immediately reached out to grab at my arms to keep me from falling on my ass, but it was too late. “Sorry.” was all he said as he continued sprinting off into the night.
There I sat, staring at the back of the running man as he disappeared from sight. The man managed to run right into me, knock me to my ass and all he could do was say sorry? He didn’t even have the decency of helping me back to my feet and seeing if I was okay. Part of me was fuming, wanting to smoke a cancer stick and puff my irritation away, while the other part of me was wondering why that guy was sprinting in the first place. Why was he in a rush to be wherever he had to be this early in the morning? Or was he even rushing to be anywhere? Could he possibly be running away from something, or someone?
I shrugged, pushing all thoughts about this mystery man aside. It had nothing to do with me, so why even wonder, right? I pushed myself up from the ground and dusted my ass off, feeling for the first time a dull throb in my tailbone area. I continued onwards to the store, all the while rubbing my non-existent rear, in hopes to ease the slight pain I felt.
As I entered through the sliding doors, I looked around to see only one cash register open, a young female clerk perched in her station, aimlessly reading a pop culture magazine. Soft elevator sounding music chimed through the empty market, which was now making me tired. The young clerk looked up as I ventured further in.
“Good morning.” I said as I flashed her a smile.
A weird look crossed her face, as if she was wondering what the hell I was doing in here at this time of the morning. “Mornin’.” she finally said, her voice pitched as if she said it in suspicion.
I made my way over to the neatly stocked aisles of shopping carts, getting ready to grab one when again I heard the familiar sound of someone running. This time though, it sounded to be a herd of people running. I looked up and out towards the sliding glass doors, only to see it open as a group of men sprinted right past. They all looked to be a few years younger than me, decked out in jeans and either tank tops or fitted t-shirts.
When the group had passed and the doors slid close, I turned and began pushing my shopping cart over towards the produce aisle, trying to shrug off what I had just witnessed; but for some reason, I had this sudden sense of fear. No matter how hard I tried to shake it, I just all of a sudden felt extremely scared. But of what? Or who? The guy that ran into me? The group of men I just seen run past? The weirded-out clerk? I just couldn’t place my finger on why I all of a sudden felt scared, but I didn’t like this feeling. Not one bit.
As I passed by the clerk, I decided to walk by slowly for some reason, staring at her all the while. She still had herself focused in on the magazine before her, but just as I was about to break my stare, she suddenly looked up, staring back at me. At that point, I tried to break my eye-contact with her, but her creepy and intense glare kept me frozen in place, staring back into her eyes.
Finally, after what seemed like forever, I was able to break our gaze and proceed on, but the fear within me only intensified. As I continued on, I could feel her eyes, boring into me, craning her neck slowly as I entered the produce aisle. I’m not sure why, but I suddenly didn’t want to be here anymore, I couldn’t even focus on what I was looking for. Nonetheless, I began expecting the array of fruits and produce that were displayed before me.
Something caused me to look up, and there I saw an older man standing at the end of the aisle. He was obviously a worker, wearing an apron with his nametag, but there he stood, just staring at me, having the same look the clerk had. I began to look around, maybe he was looking at someone else? But I was wrong. Extremely wrong. I suddenly found more workers around me, and each and every single one of their gaze was on me.
I now felt like that man that had ran into me earlier. I wanted to run, get as far away from these people as I could; never stop, never look back. It was only in that moment did I register the fear that managed to consume me and why. They were all staring at me as if I was the one they’ve been looking for, as if they wanted to attack me. Which now made me wonder… was that man running away from the group of guys I saw earlier? I wasn’t sure why I was still wrapped up with the events that occurred that clearly didn’t involve me, but for some reason my mind was starting to make some connections.
I came to the decision that I needed to get out of there, and I needed to get out of there now. Without thinking twice, I abandoned the grocery cart I had grabbed and began making my way towards the sliding doors. Two male workers immediately stepped in front of me, blocking my path.
“Where do you think you’re going?” one of them asked me.
“Look, just let me go, I swear I’ll have your money to you guys before tonight.” What the FUCK was I talking about?! What money? I didn’t even think about what I was saying, the words just came out!
“You know, that’s what you always seem to tell us… we give you a specific time limit, and you always swear that you’ll have our money, even after your time is up. We can’t keep letting this go on.”
“So… what are you guys gonna do? Kill me?” I challenged. I really don’t know where this was all coming from or what I was talking about, but I didn’t like how I no longer had control over my words or actions. I didn’t like what was going on, nor did I like where I clearly see where we’re headed.
“You said it, not us.” was all the man said before he and the other worker roughly grabbed me by my arms, wrestling me to the ground.
“GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME!!” I screamed out, feeling a bit of myself coming back, but my screaming was no use.
Suddenly, a sharp pain coursed up my left forearm. “FUCK!” I cried out, looking down to see quite a long gash across my arm, deep enough to undoubtedly ruin my tattoos. When the FUCK did these guys get a knife?!
The more I continued to fight them, the more they slashed me with their knife. I screamed for them to stop, cried out for help, but the assault continued. I closed my eyes, willing myself to slip into oblivion, no longer fight the unconsciousness that wanted to claim me, waiting for death to come, but all of a sudden I felt a pair of arms grasp my shoulders and shake me violently.
“AJ!!” the voice called out as they continued to shake me.
I opened my eyes to see a male hovering over me. I glanced down at his nametag, realizing that he was the store manager. He stared at me in concern and fear. My eyes glazed over, seeing that the workers that once surrounded me with deathly stares were now staring at me in worry, and something else. They looked scared… scared of me.
“AJ!” the manager called out once more. “AJ!!!”
~*~*~*~
My eyes snapped open, realizing the voice that was calling out to me was actually Nick. I glanced over at him, realizing that I had slipped into yet another episode, a flashback to the night that forever changed my life.
“You phased out on me dude, are you alright?” Nick asked me in concern.
I simply nodded, “Yeah… sorry about that.”
“Well, we’re here man. Are you ready for this?”
I looked up to see us parked out in Kevin’s driveway. I didn’t even realize that we had came to a stop. I wonder how long I had phased out. “Honestly? No.”
Author's Chapter Notes:
Well, it's been quite some time, but this story is officially off from the back burner! Along with wrapping up my latest fic, Last Christmas, I decided it was time to focus on my long, lost, forgotten stories and update it, bring it back into people's lives. I decided to update this one first because it actually stuck out to me as I glanced over all my incomplete stories, lol.
I'm also looking to pick up on Empty Spaces, Thicker Than Blood, When Doves Cry, Sin & Forgiveness and POSSIBLY Satan's Playground. :D But for now, hopefully I haven't lost my readers for this story and I always look forward to gaining new ones! ;D To my lovely readers and fellow writers, thanks for all the love and support! You know who you are. ;)
I'm also looking to pick up on Empty Spaces, Thicker Than Blood, When Doves Cry, Sin & Forgiveness and POSSIBLY Satan's Playground. :D But for now, hopefully I haven't lost my readers for this story and I always look forward to gaining new ones! ;D To my lovely readers and fellow writers, thanks for all the love and support! You know who you are. ;)
