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One Month Later

“Man I am wore out.” Nick complained as he threw himself down on the couch. He had been back to work for a month now and the day to day stresses of touring were really starting to wear on him. He hadn’t seen Presley and Sutton in almost a month and he couldn’t help but wonder about all the things he was missing.

“For real man. It never gets easier does it? You would think that after 15 years we would be like immune to fatigue or something by now!” Laughed Brian as he pulled his sweaty t-shirt over his head.

“What about missing the family? Does that get easier?” Nick questioned Brian.

“Nope, it actually only gets harder once the little guy actually realizes that you are leaving and he cries because he doesn’t wanna see you go.” Brian replied shrugging his shoulders, “But what you gonna do. I mean you can’t pull him out of school and let him travel around the country in a bus with you. As much as you want him with you, it is more important for him to have a semi-normal life.”

“Yea, I know. But it is like Sut is so little and he is learning so much right now. I feel like I am missing out on everything. I mean Presley was telling me about him gripping her finger and making little smirks. I am missing all of that stuff.”

“Well even if you were home you would still be missing a lot of his first. I mean you and Pressie don’t live together right?” Nick nodded his head in agreement, “So even if you were at your house, Sutton would still be with Pressie the majority of the time, so you would still be missing a lot of his first.”

“I know, but still we only live like five minutes away from each other. I could easily get over there in time to see him doing stuff like that. I mean I don’t want to miss him learning to sit up, and crawl, and man walking I really wanna be there for that.”

“I know you do man, but Presley might not even be there for all of that stuff. I mean in a couple weeks she has to go back to work and then Sutton will be at daycare and he will do a lot of his first there.”

Nick lowered his head and shook it in disagreement. “I really hate the idea of him going to daycare. I don’t know why Presley doesn’t just hire a nanny.”

“Nannies cost a lot of money Nick. Presley only makes a $75 grand a year, and $35 grand of that would go to a live in nanny, she can’t afford that.”

“No, but I can!”

“Yea, but if you tell her that she needs to get a nanny she is going to think that you think she isn’t doing a good job as a mother, and you don’t want that. If she ever say’s anything about being apprehensive about sending Sutton to daycare, then you step up and offer to pay for a nanny, but not until then.”

“Yea, I guess you are right.” Nick closed his eyes and let himself get caught up in thought.

“Hey you guys up for going out tonight?” Asked AJ as him and Howie walked into the room.

Nick rolled his eyes instantly. As much as he is trying to get over AJ and Presley past, he still can’t help but have a little resentment towards AJ. It doesn’t help matters any that Presley isn’t around and AJ is. He doesn’t give a shit about seeing AJ, but he was dying to see Presley and Sutton.

“I am up for going.” Howie replied first.

“I am game if Nick is.” Answered Brian, “But I don’t wanna leave Nick boy alone if he isn’t up for going.”

Nick felt all eyes in the room fall on him. Opening his eyes he looked around at all of the expectant eyes and then huffed loudly “Fine I will go, but I got to shower and call P first.”

************

“Shhhh, baby mommy’s got you little man.” Presley paced back and forth across the nursery holding Sutton in her arms. He had been very cranky the majority of the night. He was generally a good baby, so him crying for hours was starting to concern Presley.

“That’s right, baby go to sleep. Mommy’s right here.” She hummed softly as he started to fall asleep. After a few more minutes of pacing, she finally felt that he was in a deep enough sleep to put him down. She couldn’t help but wonder how long he would actually stay asleep this time.

Staring down at her little boy she couldn’t help but smile. How can something so small change your life so much. In the past month she found out that there is no love like a mother’s love. Every fiber of her being loved this little boy that she gave birth to. She couldn’t find a single flaw in him. He was perfect. From the wispy blond hair and blue-green eyes, to the porcelain skin and pouty red lips, everything on him was just perfect. She smiled as she thought about how much he looked like his father. Quickly though he smile turn into a frown.

She missed Nick a lot. She really thought that it wouldn’t be that hard to keep going on without him once Sutton was born. They technically hadn’t been together for almost the entire pregnancy, and the six weeks before his birth they didn’t have any contact at all, but knowing that he was hers again, she felt lost without him. She was so afraid of doing something wrong as a first time mom, and she thought that if Nick were there, it would be easier for him to cheer her on and tell her that she was doing a fine job. But he wasn’t she hadn’t seen him in a month, and it was really starting to wear on her. She missed him a lot, and she felt almost like a single mom. She was terrified of returning to work in a couple of weeks but she realized that she had too. Nick and she were just getting their relationship back on track; she didn’t want to mess it up by depending on him for too much. She wasn’t ready to give up her apartment and move in with him yet, because she was still afraid that he was unsure of their future together, and until he was secure with their life together, she didn’t want to give up to much of herself.

She was shaken out of her thoughts at the sound of the phone. Rushing down stairs to grab the phone off of the kitchen counter she smiled when she noticed Nicks number. “Hey Nick!” she answered enthusiastically.

“Hey P. How everything going?” He asked casually.

“Honestly, not so good. Sut has been crying a lot today. I am starting to get a little bit worried. It is probably just a tummy ache or something, but I feel like there is nothing I can do to sooth him.” She said as she allowed her enthusiastic front come down.

“All baby, I am sure you are doing everything that you know to do. How is he now?” Nick asked wishing that he could be there.

“I finally got him down to sleep, but there is no telling how long that is going to last.” She replied.

“How about you? How are you doing?”

“I am alright, I guess. I totally and utterly exhausted, and I miss you like crazy and I am going insane about the idea of returning to work week after next, but other than that I am holding it all together. Oh yea, and I haven’t shower since yesterday morning.”

Nick laughed under his breath as he went on her little rant. “You know P, you don’t have to go back to work. I could take care of you guys.”

“No, I don’t think so Nick. It is one thing for you to help out with Sut, but I don’t want or need you to pay my way. This thing we have going here is still fragile and I don’t want to start giving up my job, and my condo for something I am afraid that you are confident in.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Nick asked agitated.

“It means that I know you aren’t confident in me. We still have a major trust issue and until I know that you trust me fully, I am not going to let you take over my life. Because then all it will take is you deciding that we just aren’t going to work and then I am left trying to put my life back together.”

“Do you think I would just throw you out with nothing even if we didn’t work out?” Nick asked offensively.

“I would like to think that you wouldn’t do that but I am not positive Nick, and I have to think about me and Sutton here.”

“I get it, P. I can see where this is going. Are you already screwing around on me, so you don’t want me to do anything for you, so that it will ease you conscience? Are you fucking that Gary guy, or let me guess, you have been talking to Alex on the phone and you are planning on leaving me for him?”

“Nick, no! I am not fucking anybody! I just had a freaking baby four weeks ago. I haven’t spoken to Alex since that night on the tour bus. But the way you are acting right now is the reason why I am not getting my hopes up about this relationship. You are so quick to accuse me of screwing around on you, how is that good for our relationship.”

“Well, if the shoe fits…”

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me P. How can you not expect me to be cautious you have fucked my best friend behind my back so many times it isn’t even funny.”

“Oh please Nick, we are not going to do this again! I never once cheated on you! Never! You need to just get over yourself. If you can’t accept the fact that I love you and that I only want to be with you, then maybe we are stupid for even trying to work this out. What do I have to do Nick? What do I have to do to show you that you are the only person I want? I don’t want Alex ever again. I could go the rest of my life without ever seeing him again and it would be fine with me.”

“I am sure it would. That way you wouldn’t have to worry about sneaking off to some room and fucking him.”

Presley sat silent on the other end of the phone with tears pouring out of her eyes. Nothing was ever easy for her. She couldn’t just have a normal relationship with a guy who loved her, it had to be difficult. It made it more difficult being in love with a guy who thought so poorly of her.

“I am sorry P, that was uncalled for.” Nick finally broke the silence. “I know that you aren’t cheating on me and I know that you are Alex are history. I am just letting the stresses of this fucking tour get to me, and I shouldn’t be taking it out on you.”
Sniffling quietly Presley swallowed her pride and replied, “I understand you are going through a lot right now, but please try and remember that I am too.”

“I know baby. I am sorry. I am scared for us, but only because I want us to work so badly. I don’t want us to be apart. I want to be with you and Sutton forever, and it scares the shit out of me that I don’t know for sure if that is going to happen.”

“We can make it happen. It is just going to take time to get to that place where we are sure of it. Right now we just have to act on faith. We have to have faith in one another, and trust will come along eventually.”

“I want to trust you P.” Nick said quietly.

“I know you do. I promise to prove to you that I am trust-worthy. I love you Nick, more that I have ever love another man in my entire life.”

“I love you too, Presley. I hope you know that.”

“I do know.” She replied quietly.