I am alone. I have no one to love, and it's killing me. It's eating me up inside. I don't know what to do. Here I am, drinking my sorrows away. I'm with my friends Sandra and Linda. "Diana, you have got to lighten up. It's not the end of the world." "Yeah? Then why does it feel like I'm dead?" "Because you're depressed?" said Sandra. I looked at her, and just rolled my eyes. "God...every guy that I've ever been with has treated me like shit. I really hate this, guys." "Oh, I agree. We hate seein' you like this. You hardly go out with us anymore...Is there anything else we could do?" I sank my head to the counter, and sighed. "No. You can take me home." Sandra and Linda both helped me up, since I almost drunken myself to an encouragable stupor. There was a full moon out, though in my little world, it was pitch black. The girls helped me into my car, as Linda got into the drivers' seat. "Don't worry, Diana," began Sandra. "Everything is gonna be alright. I'm sure of it." Inside my soul. I wasn't sure to the fullest.
It wasn't long before we arrived at my apartment. They helped my out of the car, and walked me to the door. "Now, D," Linda began. "Are you sure you don't need any company?" "No, I'm perfectly sure. I'll be fine. Night." And with that, I bid my friends adieu, stumbled in the house, and closed the door. I placed the back of my body against the door, and started to cry. I really didn't want to, but I had no other choice. It hurts to even think of having no one, let alone knowing. With a sigh and a shrug, I gathered myself up, and headed upstairs. I had nothing else to do. My paperwork for the firm I work with was complete, and all I wanted to do was take a sweet soothing shower. Maybe that will help calm my emotions down. A little.
After the shower, which by the way didn't do any good, I walked into my master bedroom, and sat by the mirror. As I looked in the mirror, I didn't like what I saw. I didn't like the reflection cast upon it. Right then, I just wanted to ram my fist against it and watch it shatter. What is wrong with me? Am I that desperate to find someone to add into my life? God, help me, for I am a mess. Unbelieveable. 29 and depressed. As I exhaled one last time, I grabbed a comb, and started to comb my long brunette locks. After that, I got into a nice, comfortable nightie, crawled under the covers and drifted off to sleep.
I really didn't feel like getting up. I tossed and turned half the night, so I might as well get up. I slowly sat up, and eased out of bed. As I stretched, I turned my TV on to watch the news. Huh. Same ol' same ol. The war in Iraq still hasn't let up. People getting killed for money. Watching the news made me even more depressed, so I turned it off. I sit down on the bench by my dresser, let my fist rest upon my cheek, and think back just 3 months ago...
"You're what?" I sat across from my then boyfriend, Chris Reynolds at a cafe. He was the one guy that I thought meant something to me. He turned out to be a crock of shit. "I'm breaking up with you. I don't think this is going to work." I just look at him. What the hell was he talking about? I gave him my heart and soul, and he just stepped on it, as if it was nothing. Incredible. "Don't worry, Diana. It's not you--" I put my hand up to silence him. I knew what was coming. "Don't even say that. Don't you dare pull that card on me." "Fine." Chris grabbed his coat and suitcase, and walked out the door. "I'll send for my things in the morning." I turn to look at him. "Won't do you any good to get them, you selfish bastard." Two weeks later, I found out that the only reason he broke up with me was because he was dating his secretary. I couldn't believe it.
This is why I am in the state that I'm in. This is why I feel like pure shit. I can't trust anyone anymore. I let my hands envelop my face. "When?" I ask myself. "When am I gonna find the one?"
Story Notes:
My first AJ chapter story.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Rated R for language and mild drug use.
