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"Diana? What's on your mind?" I looked down at my plate, ignoring everything Howie was saying to me. "Diana?" He placed his hand upon mine, and thumbed it.. "What's wrong?" I looked up at Howie. "Howie...what's going on with AJ?" Howie sat back in his chair, and looked down. "I don't know. All I know is that he always comes back from wherever he goes hung over. He's destroying himself. We don't know what to do now. We're beginning to be utterly worried about him. We fear that he's doing more than just drinking." I looked away from Howie. I sighed drinking some of my champagne. "Diana, you've been very quiet. What's wrong?" I couldn't tell Howie this. I just couldn't. He'll just think that I've been eavesdropping on him, and I'll seem foolish.

"Howie...I saw something in AJ's hotel room two weeks ago. When I tell you what it is, can you not tell anyone? Please?" "You have me at your word, Diana. I won't tell a soul." I took a deep breath, and told him what I saw. "In his room, I saw three small bags of cocaine in his drawer. I noticed his porno stash, so I took out a magazine. When I opened it, three bags fell out." I looked away from Howie again, waiting for what he was going to say. "I can't believe it. Why would AJ do this? We have to confront him." As Howie got up, I stopped him. "Howie, please don't tell him that I knew about it...please..." Howie walked up to me, and placed a kiss upon my cheek. He wiped the warm tear from my face, and smiled at me. "It'll be alright. We're gonna get to the bottom of this. Trust me." Within that moment, I embraced Howie deeply. As he took me in, he placed his chin on my shoulder. "Shh, sweetheart...It's gonna be alright..."

Minutes later, Howie drove me home. I didn't say a word throughout the whole drive. Howie turned to me, and asked, "Are you alright?" I didn't say anything. As he parked the car, I sighed and got out. "Howie, I'll see you tomorrow?" "Sorry, I have some business to take care of tomorrow. How about tomorrow night?" I smile at him to acknowledge an affirmation. Just then, he waved goodbye, and drove off.

"Howie, what are you talking about?" Said AJ, taking his shades off. "Just answer the question, AJ. Are you doing more than drinking?" "Hell no! What do you think I'm doing, D?" "That's what I want to know too, man," said Kevin. "We're just worried about you. Every damn day you come to meetings drunk or hung over." "Guys, I'm fine. Don't worry about me, I'm not a little kid anymore." "Yeah, we know that you're not a little kid, but you're our friend, and more importantly...our brother. We just don't want you to destroy yourself." Preached Brian. "Look, you guys, I'm not destroying myself. I'm perfectly fine." Kevin looked at the others, and then looked at AJ. "Ok then. If you're perfectly fine, don't go to the party." AJ looked up at him as if he was crazy. "You're kidding right?" "No." "Kevin, I have to go." "AJ, you don't HAVE to go anywhere. It's just one party. Don't go." AJ got up at Kevin's face. "You're not my mother, Richardson..." "And I don't plan on being your mother, so back off." They didn't know why AJ was getting bitchy all of a sudden. It seemed that he didn't back down when Kevin told him to, so AJ pushed him. "McLean, I said back the fuck off..." "No! Why don't you go boss someone else around, and leave me the hell alone?!" "Because I care about you, alright?!" Kevin walked up to him, and took his leather jacket off. "And if you ever push me again, it's your ass, do you hear me?" AJ didn't say a word. Kevin grabbed his arm, and pulled him close, looking into his eyes for an answer. "I said, do you hear me?" "Crystal clear, Kev. Crystal clear." As Kevin let him go, he walked out, and slammed the door. Brian turned to him, and said, "You have to straighten up, Bone. You can't keep doin' this."

The boys went to the Astoria hotel, to rest up for a meeting tomorrow. While Kevin, Nick, Howie and Brian were in their rooms, sleeping in their beds, AJ was still awake. He sat up in his bed with nothing but blue jeans on. He was massaging his temples, looking up at the ceiling. "Sometimes, they just need to let me live my own life..." thought AJ. He turned to the direction of his dresser drawer. He got up, opened it, and took out a few bags of cocaine. "For this meeting with these execs, I need a quick pick me up..." he thought, so he laid out a magazine, and rolled up a $50 bill. As he sat down on the couch, pulling the coffee table towards him, he emptied out the contents of the bags, and pulled out a razor blade to even the powder up to become lines. He took a deep breath, put the rolled up bill to his nose, eased down, and sniffed up a few lines. He shook his head a little, and an indistinct 'whoo' came out of his mouth.

I drove up to the Waldorf-Astoria hotel so I could talk to AJ about the one other thing that was eating me up inside: telling him how much I loved him. I never thought that I would work up such courage. As I went up to the elevator, I took a deep breath. "Well, it's now or never, Diana." As I made it up to the third floor, I walked up to his door. As I was about to knock, I stopped myself. What was I thinking? Why am I even up here? I know that he doesn't want me. I bet that the dance we shared was just a dance that we shared. Ya know, part of his job to get a woman wet, and then sit them back down unsatisfied within. Just as I was thinking, I noticed that the door was cracked open. I then heard some noises, though I couldn't tell what they were. I cracked it just a bit, then peeked in the room. That was when I saw the one thing that I wish I hadn't seen. "Oh, my God..." I said to myself breathlessly. There he was, sitting on his couch, shooting up lines as if nothing. I couldn't believe it. "AJ...Why?" AJ looked up and saw me. He got up, and walked to the door, pushing me away, yelling for me to get out. As he slammed the door, I held my mouth, and began to cry. Within seconds, I heard another door open. Howie walked out of his room, and saw me crying in front of AJ's door. "Diana...what's wrong, honey?" I turned to him, and embraced him, crying hysterically. "He's...he's killing himself..." "Committing suicide?" "No..." I look up at Howie with tearful eyes. "He's doing lines in his room...as we speak..." Howie let me go, and knocked on the door. Silence overtook the whole moment for like a few minutes. Howie knocked again, and AJ opened the door. "What, Dorough?" "What are you doing in there? Huh? Why do you have cocaine?" AJ looked at me with sheer anger within his dark, chocolate orbs. "You told him, didn't you?" Howie grabbed his arm. "She didn't even have to tell me! I know that you were doing more than alcohol, Alex. You need help." "D, this is fuckin' crazy! I don't need help, and I don't need any goddamn parental lectures from you, Kevin Dickerson, or anyone else!" "But AJ, I care---I mean we care about you...please, stop what you're doing, alright?" "Look, Diana, I don't need this shit from you, either. So you need to get away from me, you got that?!" "Oh, I got it alright...I got it loud and clear!" And after that, I ran out, and ran downstairs crying my eyes out.

Doesn't he realize that we love him? And that I love him more than life itself? I guess he doesn't.