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I was completely distraught from that point on. I didn't know what to do. All I had to do, I guess, was to wait. But there is one point that I have to make. I'm tired of waiting. I just...I guess I want AJ to be of sound mind, so I can tell him how I feel. The one person that has been with me through this was Howie. Don't get me wrong, I care a lot for him, too, but it's something about AJ that I love so much. He just needs guidance.

Somehow, months turned into years, and the Backstreet Boys decided to take a break. The break was supposed to take about a year, but it turned into two years...then three. AJ went into rehab in September, only to relapse several months later. It was painful to sit at home, and watch him break down one by one. It was horrible. I guess I would never get my chance to tell him how I feel.

In an instant, it was 2003. I sat in my room, and watched some television. I wish I could turn back the hands of time to 2001 and tell AJ how I felt right then...but that's never going to happen. As I sat in my room, the doorbell rang. "Who is it now?" I said to myself, as I got up. As I opened the door, I was surprised to see the one person that has stood by me through this whole ordeal: Howie Dorough. "Howie...hey..." I said sort of breathlessly.

He actually surprised me. I thought that he would forget about me, now that he has more time with his Dorough Lupus Foundation. "I came by to see how you were doing. Are you ok?" As I let him in, I stood there looking at him, smiling. "Yeah, I'm fine, but you know, life goes on." "Yeah, it does." Howie saw a chair, and sat down. "I have something to tell you. Please, sit." I walked to a seat that was across from him, and sat in it, never taking my eye off of him. "What's up?" "Well, it's about AJ." Then, my heart jumped in my throat. I feared instantly that something was wrong with him, or worse, something happened. "Oh, my God...What happened to him?" Howie placed his hand on my knee, and looked at me with his beautiful brown eyes. "Nothing happened to him. He's actually, to tell you the truth, perfectly fine. He went into rehab in 2001, and--" "He relapsed?" I blurted. "No, he didn't. He's two years sober now." I sat in my seat, shocked at what Howie let fall out of his mouth. I couldn't believe it...AJ McLean? Two years sober? As those words swam in my head, a big smile swept across my face. The one smile that Howie loved so much. "Are you serious?" "Like a heart attack, Diana. He's perfectly healthy." This was unbelievable. AJ's perfectly healthy. I got up, walked up to Howie, and hugged him tight. r0;Thank you so much for telling me this great newsr30;" "Anytime, Diana..." Our embrace parted, only to have him look deep into my eyes again.

"Diana? There is something that I have to ask you..." "What is it?" Howie walks closer to me, never taking his eyes off of me for a second. "Do you have feelings for me...?" I looked down on the ground, thinking of what to say to him. Sure, I have feelings for Howie, but it's AJ McLean that has my heart. Even though he doesn't know it, I loved him from the beginning. I again look into Howie's eyes, and weakly smile. "Yes, I do." "But..." it was as if he read my mind. He knew that there was something more to that, something more that I'm sure he didn't want to hear. "Howard, I love you, so very much, but..." "It's AJ that has your heart, right?" I gulped, looking back at Howie. "Yes." As if I thought that Howie was going to be furious, he wasn't. He smiled, though I couldn't read what kind of smile it was. "I hope you're not mad at me...I can't help who I fall in love with." "It's fine, Diana. I'm not mad at you, if that's what you're thinking right now..." "No...not at all, actually..." I walk up to Howie, and lay a soft, feathery kiss upon his plumped lips. "That's for being there for me, and for AJ. Thank you..." Howie takes my hands, and pulls them to his chest. I could feel his heart beat through his dark brown jacket. He pulls me to him, and our lips meet, intertwined in a sweet kiss. "That...is saying you're welcome. I care for you a great deal, Diana. I don't know what I would do, had you left this earth...." "You would go criminally insane without me..." "Damn right..." Howie grips my hand tightly, looking into my eyes smiling. He looks up at the clock on my wall, and says, "I have to go meet AJ in Chicago in a few hours. Do you want to come with?" My eyes literally lit up. "More than anything in the world."