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“Goodnight! Thanks again.” I said goodbye to our babysitter, as I locked up the house for the evening. I felt lightheaded as I closed the door. I shouldn’t have had that last martini. I knew I would regret it in the morning.

“Is she gone?” He asked as he came from behind me. My body warmed up when his hand rested on my shoulder.

“You know she is, or you wouldn’t have come out of hiding.” I said while I kicked off my heels.

“I couldn’t let her see me like this babe, I’m drunk as fuck.” His hand was playing with my hair now. I rolled my eyes.

“Yeah I know. I had to drive us home.” I waved his hand off and walked towards the kitchen; he followed.

“I could have driven us.”

“And gotten another dui, I don’t think so Nick.” I reached for a glass and filled it with water from the refrigerator.

“That was ten years ago, I was younger then. I would have been fine to drive.” He defended himself, “Besides you aren’t that sober either.”

“Maybe, but I got us home safely.” I sat down the glass and adjusted my dress. I was reminded of why I rarely wore strapless, it always slips no matter what garments you have under it. I caught Nick staring at my chest when I was done.

“Smooth Carter.” I leaned against the counter and closed my eyes; the objects in the room were beginning to become blurry.

“What? I can look, they are legally mine.”

“Oh, so that makes them yours?” I opened my eyes and he was standing before me, I felt my pulse climb just from his presence. After all these years the man could still excite me.

“Don’t you know all of you is mine?” He wrapped his arms around my waist, drawing me closer to him. I faltered as I stepped forward, the alcohol starting to take over. I found myself at his beckon call once his mouth touched mine. The taste of whisky on his lips was intoxicating. His cologne filled my senses as his hands roamed my body; I wanted more, needed more.

He sat me clumsily on top the kitchen table, pushing the chairs out of the way, spilling the salt and peppershakers, leaving a trail to the floor. I felt the grit between my fingers as I tried to regain my equilibrium. Nick had shed his clothes, and was working quickly to remove mine. His hands took me roughly, pushing up my dress, removing my underwear. The table was cold against my skin, and his body was warm. I grabbed the end of the table to stable myself. His speed increased quickly, his force was strong, I was becoming overwhelmed with pleasure at the moment, and I almost didn’t catch when he started to falter, when his breath began to become labored. It wasn’t until he slowed down before either of us reached our climax, that I opened my eyes and saw the pain on his face.

“Nick?” I touched his head; I got no response.

“Nick, are ok?” I asked again, he hid his face from me this time. I knew something wasn’t right. Nick never left anything unfinished. His breathing was still labored, he pulled away from me and hunched over the island, his back towards me.

I sat up, letting my dress fall back down. I was worried. I stood up slowly, feeling dizzy. I placed a hand on his back,

“Nick, what’s wrong? Do you need some water?” I caught him nod his head while he coughed, one hand covering his chest.

I moved quickly, pushing through the dizziness. He took the glass and swallowed the water quickly. Shortly after, his breathing began to slow down. I watched as the color came back to his face. I was scared. This wasn’t his typical exertion during sex. He handed the glass back to me,

“Do you need more?”

“No,” he coughed again, “It’ll pass.” He took a breath in, exhaled and stood up, his hands on his hips.

“What will?” His words didn’t make sense. Did he know what was happening?

“Its nothing, nothing babe.” His back was still facing me. I was starting to become mad. I felt like he was hiding something from me.

“That was not nothing. What is going on Carter?” I slightly raised my voice, but it was enough for him to face me.

“Just lost my breath, no big deal.”

“Lost your breath? Are you fucking serious with that answer? Nick…”

“I know, it looked bad. They usually aren’t that bad.”

“What isn’t? Has this happened before?” He slipped back into his briefs and pulled up a chair. He sighed before speaking.

“Yes, but it’s nothing serious.”

“Stop saying that! What aren’t you telling me Nick?” I was worried, I wanted an answer.

“I sometimes feel pain in my chest.” I froze. He said it so nonchalantly, like it meant nothing to him.

“What do you mean by pain?”

“Just this heaviness, makes it hard for me to breathe. It’s nothing Renee. It passes.”

I didn’t know what to make of this. How could what I witnessed be nothing? How could my husband hiding something like this from me be nothing?

“But it’s not the first time you’ve experienced this, so there’s clearly something wrong.” I crossed my arms, trying to comprehend everything.

“Babe, really. I knew you’d overreact, that’s why I haven’t told you.”

“No! You do not get to use that as an excuse, you do not get to make me be the bad person in this. You could have a serious problem and YOU are hiding it from me!” I yelled at him.

“It’s ok,” He tried to calm me down, “It only happens when I exude myself. I thought working out would make it better.”

“Wait, you had this before you started exercising? When did the first one occur Nick? Two weeks ago, a month ago, when?” I demanded. I was furious I had never seen this before. That I was just now learning about it. When I had trouble with my kidneys, he knew at the first moment I was worried.

“Calm down Renee. You may wake the boys.” He ignored my question.

“No, don’t give me that bullshit Nick. Fucking me on the table could have done that.”

“Alright, sit down. I’ll explain it to you.” I tried not to look into his blue eyes, they captivated me every time. I hesitated, and finally sat down where he once was sitting.

“Do you remember me telling you about how I felt my weight interfered with playing with the boys?” I nodded. I had told him his weight didn’t matter, that they wear me out too. He continued,

“Well, it would sometimes be difficult for me to catch my breath, for my pulse to slow back down. That’s why I wanted to get back in shape; thought if I lost some weight everything would be ok. But, I’m still having difficulty, especially after workouts. Not everyday, or all the time, but it does pass. They haven’t been lasting as long as they use to. I know its because my body is adjusting to exercising. It’s really no big deal.”

I sat there taking everything in. His words made no sense. I’m sure it did to him, but all I heard was that he may have some chest condition and was in denial about it. I started feeling nauseous; the room was spinning. I needed a bathroom.

“Babe, are you ok?” He sounded concerned.

“No,” I stood up, “The room is spinning and you could has some serious medical condition. I’m going to bed, and scheduling an appointment for you this week in the morning. I’ll be damned if you tell me its no big deal that you can’t breathe.” I almost exited the room before he spoke.

“I’m in L.A. this week.” The words weighed heavily on my heart. He’d be gone for a week, if not longer. I exhaled heavily, and headed to our bedroom without saying a word.