I suddenly woke up and saw that he was still here I was so glad that he was I am always afraid he is going to leave me in the middle of the night. I creep up close to him just lightly snuggling up to him to know that I was safe. We haven’t been together very long six months to be exact but there was only one problem I was the other woman. Howie hadn’t been happy with his marriage for quite some time now and when he met me backstage one night he couldn’t help himself and I didn’t mean for this to happen, but it just did. To be honest Howie wasn’t even my favorite I was hoping to get an autograph from AJ, but I settled for Howie, but shh he doesn’t know that. After that one night we spent together it was magical everything was so perfect something about sneaking around made the sex even better for the both of us and then it just kind of continued from there. It is now to the point where Howie tells his wife he has a business trip he has to attend to, but in reality he is with me and the funny thing is, is I don’t even care i could potentially be ruining a perfectly good marriage, but if he was happy he would go back to her right? I told myself that I didn’t want to fall in love I just wanted this to be a sex thing, but now after six months of sneaking around I love the man he is just so sweet and so honest about everything, well some things that is. I don’t know what I would do without that man in my life but the only problem is, is I don’t know how much longer I can really take being the “other woman” I want to be able to be with him all the time not just be this person he sleeps around with but actually be a “couple” I want him to forget about her and be with me is that really selfish of me? The sad thing about all of this is, is that we live only an hour away from one another and every time that phone rings I am afraid that she is calling to tell him to come home. I am not even sure she really knows what is going on behind her back. I felt Howie start to move around which meant he was waking up. He turned towards me.
“Hey baby, how are you this morning? Did you sleep well?”
“Yeah, I guess I did.” I sighed and he gently kissed my lips.
“I know you are upset what is bothering you?”
“Nothing really just been kind of down lately I guess. Its been rough that’s all Howie I wish you could be here all the time not just every month I miss you” I said.“I know you miss me hun, but I am married and you knew that when we started goin together babe you have to understand that,”“But I thought you were so unhappy that you would eventually leave I guess. I am just tired of waiting for you that is all.” I explained.
“I told you maybe when the timing is right I will leave, but not now she is just going through so much right now I cant leave her, but I promise when I do you will be the first to know,” Howie replied as he got out of bed. I started to get the feeling that he would never leave her for me what does she have that I don’t? I just want him to love me like he loves her. I don’t want to be lonely anymore I want to be loved damn it why doesn’t he get that? I love him, but does he even love me the same way? “Are you mad at me?” he asked.
“No.” I lied of course I was mad I am furious and then just of course as usual his phone rings-it’s her. I sat there in bed listening to him talk to her like he talks to me. She probably wants him home and I know he is going to leave my bed for hers, but eventually will be back in mine soon enough and then send me some expensive gift because he feels bad because he had to leave so soon. He was finally off his cell phone,” I guess I will see you next month? I already know you are leaving Howie I just know. I don’t want you to go though baby I want you to stay. I want you to stay with me."
“I can’t stay Hannah I just can’t. She says it is important that I get home right away I am sorry I will call you later?” he kissed my cheek.
“Yeah, I am sure you will.” Howie left the room and I soon heard the front door close I started to cry. I didn’t know what else to do I was falling in love with a man that would probably never love me back sharing a man is so hard I never thought it would be so hard to share but I wish I had never gotten into this mess in the first place. I almost just wanted to risk everything and call his wife and tell her what he has been doing behind her back just maybe he would come crawling back to me and we could be together forever.
…..
Later on in the day my jealously started to grow and grow I was just so upset and mad that Howie had left me yet once again so I decided to give him a ring and see when he was coming back.
“Hannah, I cannot talk to you right now. I told you not to call at this time.” He said.
“Well, I was wondering when you were coming back? “
“I probably won’t be coming back Hannah…my wife just told me we are having a baby there can no longer be no “us” I will come over for lunch tomorrow and we can talk more about this tomorrow ok?” I just hung up the phone I couldn’t believe it; it was over just like that. I knew this was going to happen to me I just knew I was going to get my heart shredded into a million pieces. The tears soon started to stream down my face I finally had lost it the one man I loved was a married man who now has a baby on the way. I decided to write him a text message.
I know you don’t love me as much I loved you but I just wanted you to know that. I will always love you Howie no matter what. I don’t care if your wife sees this on the bill next month. I am just so upset and sad that you left me so lonely and broken hearted. I thought you loved me but I guess you didn’t don’t bother to contact me ever again. I am finally moving on with my life after this message Howie I hope you are happy with your family.
I pushed the send button and that was the end of that. I sighed it was about time I said that to him knowing that I probably wouldn’t get anything in return back from him, but in my heart I know he will never forget me, but I am just glad that I can move on and hopefully not get involved with anymore married men. I still wished he had just stayed.
