Long after Nick and Brian left me, I had nowhere else to turn. I hardly have any money to get me by, or anything. I don’t know what to do anymore. I have no best friend. When I told Chris and Kevin that I was seeing Brian and Nick at the same time, she was royally pissed. Since then, we haven’t spoken to each other.
I tried calling her, but… "Why the hell are you calling me? I want nothing to do with you…AT ALL!" after that chastisement, she slammed the phone down. The last thing I heard from her end was a goddamn dial tone.
I never knew what it was like to be alone. Now, that I can feel it, being alone feels so cold. It’s like my heart, my soul, and my blood has been frozen, and nothing can thaw them out. It just doesn’t feel right to me at all, and I don’t want to feel this way anymore. What I say are just little, ordinary words that don’t help much.
So here I am, lying on my hotel bed, looking at the night stand. To the left of me, is mine and Brian’s wedding picture, and to the right of me, a picture of Nick and me sitting by the pool. I wish I hadn’t done what I did. If I hadn’t, none of this would have happened. I wouldn’t be in this hotel room by myself, and I wouldn’t feel like shit now.
I just wished things had gone better, that I had told the truth. Then maybe one of the men I love would still be with me. But no...I kept it hush hush; worst thing I've ever done. And because of my actions, I lost my daughter, the one thing that keeps me going, no wait what KEPT me going.
And my money situation is no better. Brian had been nice enough to give me money to get me by till I get a job and my own place. But so far nothing. Nobody wants to help me, not the men I love, or my best friend. What does a girl have to live for? I sighed still looking at the pictures remembering vividly the day the pictures were taken. I need something, something to take my mind off of things. I've looked for jobs but nobody would hire me.
I'm stuck. I'm in limbo. Call it whatever you'd like. Nothing is gonna change the fact, that I hurt the two most important people in the world. If Mother Littrell hadn't listened in to my conversation, I wouldn't be here. I grab a pillow, and hold it to my chest, softly crying. As of right now, I have nothing left.
It was the next day, and I decided to go out. I've been cooped up in that damned hotel for God knows how long. I needed to stretch my legs. It was a beautiful day, and I guess everything seemed fine. Until that moment when I saw Nick, walking with Melanie...with another woman. I couldn't believe him! But I did deserve it after all. Nick saw me, and turned right back around, as if I was invisible. I wanted to shout his name, but I knew that if I did, it would cause trouble.
After that lonely walk, I went back to my hotel room. I only had the room for at least 4 more hours, so I have to make this last. A few minutes later, I get a phone call.
"Hello?"
"Deanna, we need to talk." I knew that southern drawl anywhere...It was Brian, my ex-husband.
"Brian...I thought I would never talk to you again..."
"Meet me at the Java Hut at 8PM."
After that, he hung up. Maybe that was a sign of hope. Maybe he's taking me back.
It was 8, and I was at the Java Hut, waiting patiently for Brian. Suddenly, I saw him walk in, wearing nothing but black: black blazer, black dress pants, the works.
"Brian...hey..." He sat across from me, and folded his hands, looking at me.
"So...how long has it been?"
"A little over 2 months."
"I see..." He sat back in his chair. I leaned in forward to him.
"Brian, this has been hell for me. Please...take me back." I have never begged for anything in my life...and I mean never.
"No. You hurt me, Deanna. How is someone gonna recover from that? Huh? I never expected you to do that to me. I'm a great person to get along with, only to have the one person that I held close to my heart shit on me?"
"Is that why you invited me here? To tell me things that I already know I did? Is that why I'm here?"
"No, the real reason why you're here is that I was going to give you a second chance."
"I can't believe you! You drove me here in order to tell me that? Well, I---wait...what?" My eyes widened at what he said. "You're...you're taking me back?"
"Now, I didn't say all that. I don't believe in taking my childrens right in seeing their mother. Askin' me, "When's...when's Momma comin' home?"
"So, in other words, like I said...you're taking me back."
"I'm NOT takin' you back. I'm letting you move back in. I'm letting you see Chris and Gracie, but we are not getting back together. We'll acknowledge each other in name only. Understood?"
That just stabbed me right in the heart.
"So everything that we had, every fucking thing that we made together....you're throwing it away?"
"It's been thrown away ever since, Deanna."
He got up, and walked to the exit. He then turned back.
"I'll be damned if I ever fall in love with you again."
Then, he walked out. There was nothing I could do at that point. All I could do, was sit at that table, and cry.
Story Notes:
This was actually written by KevinsChickadee, with a little help from me of course since it is a followup to my story. :)
