Microsoft Word was open on the screen. The virus had been fixed somehow. Diana was standing near the desk, looking as if she wanted to be anywhere else in the world but here. Natasha was sitting in my desk chair. She looked at me, face full of triumph.

I returned my gaze to Brian, mouth open but no words coming out. Tears filled my eyes.

He was reading it, I realized.

I wished he would yell at me. Anything was better than the expression on his face when he finally turned to look back at me. There was nothing but hurt.

After standing there staring at each other for several long seconds, he just shook his head. A mix of confusion and pain were replaced by a blank stare. Without a word, he walked by me. Everyone in the living room, still confused about what was going on, stared at him as he passed. The room was filled with his forced, fake calm. As he was grabbing his keys and opening the door, I finally found my voice.

“Brian, wait!”

He ignored me. The door shut.

I couldn’t let him leave like this. I ran to it, ignoring the questions being thrown at me. I ran down the stairwell and outside. Brian was walking briskly towards his jeep. Clouds were still hiding the moon. There was a streetlight glowing faintly in the distance.

“Brian!” I said again. “Wait, I can explain.”

He paused. With his back facing me, head lowered, he said, “There’s nothing to explain.” It was the same forced calm.

“Yes, there is!”

“There’s nothing you can say…”

“I didn’t mean for you to find out like this.”

He laughed bitterly. “You didn’t mean for me to find out at all,” he corrected me.

I shook my head, though he couldn’t see the action. “That’s not true.”

Brian finally turned around and I regretted my initial wish for him to yell at me. I hadn’t thought there could be anything worse than that look, but I realized I’d never seen him angry before. His eyes, usually a calming color of blue skies and ocean waves, flashed. His jaw clenched. “Neither was our relationship.”

I started to say something, but he interrupted me. I felt a tiny raindrop fall on my face already wet with tears.

“You lied to me!”

“I was going to tell you the truth,” I tried to reiterate this point. “I was just scared…”

“You’ve had plenty of opportunity to tell me the truth. Nothing but opportunity, in fact.” His eyes were watery, too. Tears of anger.

I raised my arms in frustration. “How could I tell you when I knew you’d react like this? And I didn’t recognize you at first. Yes, I like the Backstreet Boys music, but why is that such a bad thing? That’s a big part of who you are. Brian, just because I’m a fan…”

“Just because you’re a fan…” he let out a laugh, full of irony.

I stared, surprised.

His voice was unsettlingly quiet. After a brief pause, he asked, “So how long before it’s published?”

“What?” my mind blanked.

“That article.”

Published? “Never…”

“Please,” Brian shook his head in disbelief.

“Brian, I swear…”

“Because your word is worth a whole lot?” he said. “You used me for a stupid article! For your journalistic aspirations!” he was yelling at this point. Each word hit me at full speed. I felt like I was going to be knocked backwards by their force.

“You think I’m going to stick around so you can use me some more? So I can give you enough material for a freaking book? Yeah, I don’t think so. Been there, done that.”

I realized the full depth of the conversation. He wasn’t upset that I was a fan; he was past that. He thought something much, much worse. I’d hit him where it hurt the most without meaning to.

“I wrote that article for the fun of it. I never intended for anyone to read it.”

“This has all been for fun to you, hasn’t it? “ Brian screamed, misinterpreting my words, then let out a sigh as his own statement sunk in. He lowered his voice. It was like the fight had been knocked out of him. “It’s my fault. I was stupid enough to trust you. I was stupid enough to fall for this again.” He looked at the sky, lost, as more raindrops fell, then back at me.

I could hear thunder faintly in the distance.

“I should’ve known better.”

“This is a misunderstanding. We can work this out,” I insisted.

The look he gave me tore my heart in half. All the anger had suddenly disappeared. He looked…

Broken.

This is the worst look of all, I realized. The wave of despair washed over me.

“No, we can’t,” he said simply.

Brian started getting into his jeep.

“I love you,” I said, my voice barely louder than a whisper.

I was sure he heard me, though. His whole body tensed. Then he sat down, pulling the door shut and starting the engine.

Until that moment, the moment I was about to lose him forever, I hadn’t realized it. But it was true. In fact, nothing I’d ever felt was more true than this emotion. The horrible aching of love.

The rain started to pour. I shivered, drenched by the time he was pulling out of his parking space. Brian drove away, my heart falling with the raindrops and shattering on the pavement.