~*~August’s point of view~*~

The apartment felt weird without Carmen around. It had been empty for days now. I’d watched a lot of TV and all my favorite movies. I thought I’d be able to keep myself busy, but my to-do list had gotten finished more quickly than I’d planned. I bought all the textbooks for my classes (and wanted to get hit by a bus once I saw the total on the cash register screen). My laundry was done. Groceries bought. Apartment spotless.

At least she’d mostly been gone during the week. Not that I was currently employed- I’d be starting at the campus bookstore next week. But not having plans during the traditional workweek didn’t seem so bad. Now that it was Saturday, on the other hand, I felt more pathetic being at home by myself. I was lying on the couch, staring at the ceiling. The radio was on in the background.

I’d only talked to Carmen once since she left with Diana. I wanted to hear every detail of the tour and nothing about it at the same time. She was having a great time. She hadn’t mentioned Brian, at least not individually. It made me think of what she’d said. I guess it was still true: while I was here, thinking about him constantly, he had long since moved on with his life.

I really didn’t know what to do. There was no great epiphany like I’d been hoping for. I shut off the radio and went to sit on the balcony. I looked at the moon. The night reminded me of the one during which Brian and I had kissed for the first time. The air was the same. Cool, sweet.

I sat down, leaning back in the chair. I was going to have to start getting more sleep when classes started. I wasn’t going to be able to function otherwise. Breathing in the air brought back more memories. The way his eyes had shined. His smile. Closing my eyes, I smiled, too.

I don’t know how long I was asleep. I dreamt I was at the concert with Carmen, and we were close to the stage. Brian was up there with the rest of the Backstreet Boys, performing a ballad. I heard some tapping. Once he saw me, he started singing to me. Only to me. I started to forget there were thousands of fans around us. The drummer started tapping his drumsticks again, which was odd because there wasn’t any percussion in this song. I looked back to Brian, but the dream was fading away. I could only see mist. I struggled to stay asleep, wanting to see Brian again, but I knew that it was no use.

I opened my eyes…

And Brian was still there.

I sat up, straightening my hair and rubbing my eyes, sure I was still asleep. This had to be a dream within a dream.

“Hey,” he said.

I didn’t answer. Even to this dream Brian, I didn’t know what to say.

“Um… sorry to wake you. No one answered the door, so I used the key Carmen let me borrow.”

“I’m awake,” I stated. Then I realized that I had said it aloud. My face reddened.

He laughed. “Yeah.”

“What are you doing here?” I stood up to face him.

“I had a small break in the tour schedule. I thought I would come by and see how you’re doing,” he stuffed his hands in his pockets.” When I could only stare, he said, “So… how are you doing?”

I wanted to say that I was fine. That I’d been going to parties and hanging out with college guys and having the time of my life. Or at least tell him something believable, perhaps that I was having a great summer and didn’t need him around, like he didn’t seem to need me. But dishonesty was what had gotten me into this mess. Besides, I didn’t have anything to lose. Brian had never been mine to begin with.

“How am I? I can’t sleep. I can’t eat. I don’t want to hang out with my friends or listen to music or read…” I rambled. “I’m pretty crappy, to tell you the truth.” I hated that my eyes were watering, that I was probably making the worst impression. What was he doing here?

“I haven’t slept a full night since I left, either,” Brian admitted.

“I…” I stopped talking long enough to process what he had just said. “What?”

“I’m miserable.”

I shook my head. I didn’t need any false hope. This was hard enough as it was. “What are you talking about? Carmen told me how great you’re doing. You’re singing great, performing great, the life of the tour.”

“Well Carmen’s wrong.”

“I thought you’d moved on, that you were happy. You deserve to be, Brian. I never meant…”

He put an arm on my shoulder. “I know.” Then, to my astonishment, he started singing softly. “I’ve tried to hide it so that no one knows, but I guess it shows, when you look into my eyes. What you did and where you’re coming from, I don’t care. As long as you love me, August.”

For the first time in a long time, my heart didn’t feel broken. “But I lied to you… and that article… I swear, I was never going to do anything with it…”

“August, you told me. I believe you. I was just… I wasn’t ready to fall in love with you.”

“Oh.” Wow. What had he just said?

“But ready or not, I am. And I don’t care who you are, or where you’re from, or what you did. As long as you love me,” he repeated.

I was skeptical to say the least. This was too good to be true. I thought of what he’d just sung and studied his face.

I could barely breathe. But, for once, in a good way. In his eyes, I saw exactly what he was telling me.

Love.

“You come up with that line all by yourself?” I laughed slightly, feeling like myself again for the first time in a long time.

“There’s that sense of humor I know and love. Because I do. August, I love you,” Brian said sincerely, his face close to mine, his eyes as blue as my memory.

“I love you, too,” I said.