I groaned as I looked at the alarm clock. It was Saturday, and I
was awake before 8. I didn't like it one little bit. I rolled over pulling the
cover over my head, attempting to get back to sleep when the doorbell
rang. I cursed under my breath as I slipped out of the bed and my feet
hit the cold wood floors.

"You better have a damn good reason to be ringing my door bell
at 8 in the morning." I said to the person ringing my door bell as I
wrapped my robe around my shoulder. "Yes?" I said as I opened my
front door.

"Good morning." I scowled at Kevin as he stood there with a
smile on his face.

"What's so good about it?"

"It would be better if you invited me in, since it's well below
freezing out here."

"Fine," I moved out of the doorway and let him enter. "What are
you doing here? Before 8 o'clock no less."

"You are asking that question a lot here lately." he said with a
smile. He was down right annoying sometimes.

"Well if you wouldn't just show up at weird times I might not
have to ask you as much." I said sarcastically.

"Fair enough. But I didn't know your number or I would have
called. I did bring a peace offering for last night." He held out a bag from
Big Apple Bakery, the best bagel shop in the world, and two coffees.

I took the bag and opened it seeing that he had actually
remembered my favorite. I took out one of the cinnamon bagels and
stared at him, "You're up to something."

"Probably." He said as he sat down at the kitchen table.

I pulled out the chair at the end of the table, sat down and stared
at him carefully, as if he was a dangerous animal. He could be dangerous
if you didn't know him. "What do you want?" I took one of the coffees
and took a sip. I tried to hide my sigh of pleasure but he heard me and
smiled at me.

"I want you to tell J where you are."

I nearly choked on my coffee. "No." I said and coughed loudly.

"You have to tell him Madison. Do you realize that he hasn't been
with another woman since you left him."

"I find that highly unlikely. We all know how Alex is."

"Yes, we do. But he wants to be with you."

"Then why didn't he call me? I was in California for six months
before I left."

"I don't know why he hasn't called," Kevin shrugged. "I can't read
his mind, but I do know what he tells the guys."

"Kevin, I appreciate what you are trying to do, but Alex wanted
something from me that I wasn't ready to give. I'm sorry."

"What did he want?" Kevin asked looking at me.

"He wanted me to quit teaching and go on tour with him."

"You couldn't take one this one time?"

"I had just signed a 6 month extension on my contract with the
school I at USC. So no, at that time I couldn't."

"Did you explain that to him?"

"Yes, well I think I did. I don't know that was over a year ago. I
don't remember." I said with a sigh. I'm sure I had.

"I don't think you did."

"What difference does it make? We are over."

"Are you so sure about that?" Kevin stared at me as if trying to
pick my brain.

"What are you not telling me. Kevin you told him where I am
didn't you?!"

"No, I haven't told him anything." Kevin said with a small smile.

"Oh god, I know that grin. You told someone. You told Nick didn't
you!" I groaned. Nick couldn't keep a secret if his life depended on it. It
wasn't like he tried to spread your secrets, they just seemed to leap
from his lips. I stared at Kevin. "Kevin! Why?"

"Because I know you still love him and I know he still loves you."

"How do you know? Have you been on tour with him everyday?
No you haven't. So tell me Sherlock how do you know!" I was furious. I
wasn't content in my little life but I had days of happiness. Now I would
be waiting for the other shoe to drop. Wonderful. Just fucking
wonderful.

"I don't have to be on tour with him to know he misses you. I
hear it in his voice when I talk to him. If you would talk to him you
would hear it too." He said his voice calm and I knew he was getting
angry. I didn't like angry Kevin, I never had.

"Don't you dare get mad at me! I haven't done anything wrong." I
said staring at him almost daring him to push me until I was pissed. I
figured pissed hurt a lot less than heartache.

"You didn't do anything wrong? How is walking out on the man
you say you love not doing something wrong?" He glared back at me
and his eyes turned to a steely grey color.

"I couldn't give him what he wanted!"

"So you leave?!" His voice had rose slightly, "Why not just tell
him you couldn't go but still be in his life? Ever thought of that one
Madison?!"

"Fuck you Kevin! You don't know what it's like to not be able to
give someone you love what they want!"

"Madison I know all too well. Why do you think I left the group?!
Do you think I was ready?! Newsflash to you, Kristin wanted children."
He roared and stood from the table.

I cringed and stared at him. I hadn't realized he wasn't ready to
leave the group. "I'm sorry." I said quietly.

"Too late. I told you I wouldn't tell Alex, and I didn't. Nick asked
and I told him. I told you I wouldn't lie to them and I won't. You might
get a thrill out of ruining someone's life, but I don't."

His words cut me and stared at him. "Get out of my house." I said
quietly. He stared down at me, "I love Alex more than you will ever
know and if you can't see that then you are a stupid idiot. I let him go so
he would have the chance to find someone who could give him what he
needed. If that is ruining someone's life then so be it. Now get the hell
out of my house." I had been wrong about being pissed, it hurt almost as
much as being heartbroken. I lowered my head and bit my lip until I
heard the front door close. The resounding click seemed to set
something off in me and I began crying again. I lowered my head to the
cool wood of the table and sobbed. How did everything go so wrong in
just a few days, I asked myself.