I was up and gone to work before Dianna had a chance to come over and find out about my date. I knew she’d probably try to interrupt my breakfast, so I made sure to skip it and grab some coffee on the way into the office. I didn’t escape her phone call though. The sneak got crafty and instead of calling my cell so I could screen her, she rang up my office phone.

“Houghton Real Estate, Morgan Weston speaking, how may I help you?”

“Are you avoiding me?”

I blinked and gave in inward groan. I should have known she’d call the office. “Good morning to you too, Dianna.”

“I went to your house to have breakfast with you and you were gone already. Since when do you leave for work before 7:30?”

I rubbed my forehead. “I have a lot of things to do today. I’m supposed to be hearing from a bank on a possible sale and wanted to make sure I was here before eight.”

“Uh huh.” She didn’t believe a word.

“I’m being for real.”

“I think you’re trying to avoid a conversation on what happened last night.”

A sigh. “I’m not trying to do that.” I was trying to do that, but I wasn’t about to admit it.

“Good, so then tell me what happened.”

I glanced around the office; it was early so not very many had made it in yet. And I wasn’t really on the clock so to say until about nine. “Can’t this wait? I’m at work.”

“It’s not even 8:30; you’re probably the only person there right now.”

“Try the second.”

She chuckled. “So, how did it go?”

I relented. There was no avoiding Dianna, she would go and go until she got what she wanted. “It was nice. He took me to this really good sea food place and I filled up on the lobster.”

“Ooh, lobster. Nice.”

“Yeah, we had a good time. Pleasant conversation and good atmosphere.”

“Are you gonna see him again?”

I fiddled with a pen on my desk. “Maybe.”

“Ooh, Morgan!” She gave a cute laugh. “That’s great!”

I felt a blush creep up on my cheeks. “Shh, Dianna. I said maybe.”

“Which means yes. If you weren’t planning on seeing him again you’d have told me no. I know you.”

“Okay, so we’re gonna do something on Saturday.”

“Wow, another date already set up.”

Suddenly I felt guilty. “That’s not good? I should wait, huh? I’m not really ready to date and … now I have two in one week.”

“Morgan, stop.” She gave a sigh through the phone. “Honey, you have no expectations or rules to live by. If you want to see him again then go for it.”

“What about Hugh?”

She was silent for a moment. “Would he want you to be alone and unhappy?”

I peeked to the phone. “No.”

“Would he want you to find that happiness again?”

She was right. “Yes.”

“Then honey, why aren’t you doing that?”

“Cuz it hurts.” I made sure to keep my voice low to not be overheard. “And it’s hard. I just keep thinking about Hugh and how much I love him. Of our life together.”

“I know it’s hard, but honey…that part of your life is over. It was beautiful and wonderful and will always be cherished, but it’s time to let someone in again. Don’t you want to feel that happiness and joy that you experienced with Hugh once more?”

I closed my eyes, feeling a weight in my chest. “Of course I do. I just want it to be Hugh that makes me feel that way.”

“Hugh is gone. He is never gonna make you feel that way again, Morgan. It’s sad, and I know it hurts, but it’s true. You can’t go through life looking in the rearview mirror.”

Tears brimmed my eyes. “Stop.”

“You have to face reality. And you can’t compare every guy to Hugh.”

“Just stop!” I spoke a little louder, wiping at my cheeks with my free hand.

“I’ll stop when you finally face the truth.” She sounded firm.

“I know he’s gone! I know he’s never coming back! I’m not stupid.” I could feel myself trembling.

“Then you need to realize that it’s okay for you to date again. It’s okay for you to be happy.”

I didn’t know why she was being so harsh, but I wanted her to just shut up about it. “I… I can’t talk about this right now. I …I gotta go.” Then I hung up before she could respond.

I was infuriated that Dianna would call my place of employment and go off on me like that; that she would speak to me about Hugh in that manner. She knew how fragile and vulnerable I was. She knew how hard it was for me to pick up the pieces and continue on. She knew I was still mending and trying to be myself again. I was angry suddenly.

“Morgan?”

I jumped and looked over as Anna set her messenger bag on her desk. She was watching me with a rather perplexed and concerned expression.

“Are you okay?”

“No,” I shook my head and rose from the chair. “Can… can you take my calls today? I’m waiting to hear from the bank and …” I tried to recall all the things on my to-do list. “…The Martins should be calling about the house they saw on Monday.”

“Sure, no problem.” She moved towards me. “Do you need anything? What’s going on?”

I shook my head and pulled a couple folders from my own bag. “Here, theses have all the information you’ll need. And take any messages for me.”

She accepted the manila folders. “Sure, I got it covered. You’ll call me later?”

I knew she was worried. “Yeah, thanks.” I gave her arm a squeeze then grabbed my bag, heading through the desk and towards the front doors. I wasn’t sure where I was going, but I needed some time to myself. I had a lot of thinking to do.

~*~*~*~*~

I ended up at a rather empty park about a mile from my home. It was an open field with a hiking trail and bike path. There was a set of swings and one slide, but that’s it. The only people that really inhabited the place were joggers, bicyclists, rollerbladers and mothers pushing strollers out for a brisk walk.

I found myself sitting on one of the park benches facing the pond. I watched as a few ducks bobbed their heads under the water searching for food. Life must be easy for a duck; just swim, waddle, quack and eat. I sighed and brushed a lock of hair from my face. Was I jealous of a duck? That was an absurd thought.

I must have been so into watching the duck that I didn’t notice when someone sank down on the bench next to me until they spoke.

“How come a pretty, young thing like you looks so sad?”

I jerked and glanced over to see an elderly woman with glasses and strikingly beautiful white hair next to me. She wore a cream sweater and some dark slacks and a small plastic bag of some kind of duck feed was in her lap. “Um…excuse me?”

“I asked what you were so sad for.” Her round hazel eyes watched me with the same concern my grandmother would have.

I wet my bottom lip, not quite sure how to respond. “Um…it’s kind of personal.”

“Oh,” she gave a little nod and tossed some of the feed out into the water, watching as suddenly a flock of ducks swarmed, fighting to get their share, “Means it’s about a man.”

I blinked. “Not…not necessarily.”

“Oh yes, child. You have that look in your eyes.”

“What look?”

She glanced to me as she tossed more feed to the ducks. “The one that says a man hurt you. Hurt you so bad you don’t know if you can ever love again.”

I hesitated, watching this woman with a perplexed expression. “It…it wasn’t his fault.”

“No,” she shook her head some, studying my expression. “It wasn’t the man himself that hurt you, it was what happened.”

I was suddenly uncomfortable. This woman seemed to read me like an open book and I didn’t like that one bit. “I um…I’m gonna get going…”

“Let me tell you a story first.” She spoke as I began to rise from the bench. Her eyes never left the fluttering ducks as they dove for the food she tossed their way.

For some unknown reason, I wordlessly sank back down in my spot.

For a moment neither of us spoke, just the sounds of the ducks squabbling over the feed. Finally, when I was about to once more try to leave, she began to talk.

“I was 19 when I met Henry. He was 21 and worked at his father’s bank. He was supposed to take it over when his father retired, but Henry didn’t really want to do that.” She paused and tossed more of the grains into the water.

I took the bait. “What did he want to do?”

“Open his own store. Henry loved to build and he was very good at it. He could make anything from a table, to a bed, dresser…you name it he could create it. It was his passion, but his father didn’t see where that would get him in his life. A banker fared much better, especially one that owned a handful of successful banks. So Henry went to school to become what his father wanted him to be. That’s where we met. University. I was going to be a teacher.”

I watched her curiously, wondering where she was taking this tale and how it was going to pertain to me.

“We dated for two months before he proposed. We were married before the year was over. It was after our honeymoon that he finally faced his father and told him he was opening his own store. He was going to build and sell furniture.” She finally tore her eyes from the ducks and watched me. “He told me I gave him the courage and strength to do that. He said that as long as I was by his side he could do anything. Which is why when the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor and we went to war, he enlisted. He believed in fighting and defending a country that gave each man such freedom to follow their dreams.” Her eyes misted over and she stared out over the water again.

“What happened?” I gently urged her after a moment.

“His plane was shot down over the Pacific.”

My heart hurt for her. “I’m so sorry.” Gently, I reached and touched her arm.

She brought her other hand over and gave mine a squeeze, it was tender and warm. “I didn’t think I could go on. My life fell apart when my Henry died and I just wanted it to be over for me as well.” Her voice softened and was overcome with that faraway tone, like she was being taken back to that time. “I didn’t know how to live without him. There was just this hole where he had been.”

“I… I understand.”

Her eyes flickered to me and she gave my hand another squeeze. “I imagine you do.”

“How did you…move past that?”

“I didn’t think I ever would. For two years I holed myself away, only leaving to go teach at the local school. I thought my life was over and I wasn’t even 25 yet. But then….” A distant look appeared in her eyes. “…I was walking home from the school one day and it suddenly started to rain. Out of the blue, this gentleman appears at my side with this umbrella. He shields me from the rain and insists on seeing me home. I didn’t want to become soaked and catch pneumonia, so I accepted.

Everyday, for the next month, he’d meet me on that corner and escort me home. It took him nearly another month before I finally agreed to go on a date.” Her round eyes focused on me again. “It took him another year and a half before I finally agreed to marry him.”

“Y…you…married him?”

“Yes, his name was Matthew and he was a banker.” She laughed low at the irony of that situation. “He was the love of my life, dear. I thought I knew true love, but it was nothing to what Matthew taught me.”

“How’s that? How…come Henry wasn’t your true love?”

“Because Matthew taught me how to overcome the grief and loss I had experienced. He showed me I was still living and I had so much more to live for. He brought me back from the edge and filled my soul.”

I was moved by her words and wiped at the corners of my eyes where tears were collecting. “What…what about Henry?”

“I loved Henry, my dear; don’t get me wrong. It was true and passionate and perfect, but life had plans for Henry. I didn’t understand it and it wasn’t until I was with Matthew and staring into the beautiful faces of our children that I realized, Henry taught me how to love, prepared me for that great love. He still has a place in here,” she touched the place above her heart as she spoke. “But it was Matthew that completed me.”

“Then…how…how come you went through that with him? Why not just…meet Matthew from the start?”

“Because life has little lessons for everyone. I would never have met Matthew if I hadn’t gone through what I had with Henry. Life is a journey and every incident in your life takes you one step closer to the next.” She watched me. “I could have stayed miserable and angry at the world, but look at what I would have missed out on.”

I wet my bottom lip; my eyes trained on her, just letting her words slowly sink in. She had a point. I could stay hurt and upset with losing Hugh. I could pine away for him until I was 70, but it wouldn’t do any good. He wasn’t coming back. And if I continued to hide from the world, I would miss out on my life.

“Sometimes you get a second chance, because time wasn’t ready for the first one.” She touched my shoulder. “Just something for you to think about, my dear.”

I gave a little nod and looked to my hands. I didn’t want to be alone and miserable when I was older and I didn’t want to miss out on living.

~*~*~*~*~

My emotional day left me exhausted and I climbed into bed rather early, curling up under the blankets and turning the television on to some evening comedy. I had done a lot of thinking after my chat with the woman at the park, and now my head hurt and I wanted nothing more than to sleep everything away. I had visited my doctor a couple days back and he’d written me a prescription for the Ambien CR I’d first tried courtesy of Dianna. The white pill lay on my nightstand and I eyed it like a piece of candy. I would take one and have a restful night with no dreams or nightmares. I just needed a night of uninterrupted rest so tomorrow I could face the day and try to focus on becoming whole again.

My phone rang before I could reach for the glass of water next to the sleeping aid. “Crap.” I gave a frown and selected the black receiver from its base, seeing Dianna’s name flash on the ID screen. Did I really want to talk to her? Something inside told me to, so I answered.

“Hello?”

“Hey, are you busy?”

I glanced towards the television and grabbed up the remote, muting it before speaking again. “No, just getting ready to turn in.”

“This early?”

“Yeah, I’ve had a long, trying day.”

“I’m sorry.”

I gave a little shrug. “Not your fault.”

“No,” she gave a little sigh. “I’m sorry for this morning. I shouldn’t have said those things to you.”

I glanced to the phone. “You were just trying to help me.”

“I know, but they were harsh and I could have gone about it a different way.”

“Yeah….” I fiddled with the remote. “But it’s over and done with.”

“Are you mad?”

“I was. But I’m not anymore.”

She sighed. “How about on Sunday we go shopping or something. Maybe do lunch first.”

I gave a small grin. “I think that sounds nice.”

“And I promise I won’t ask about your Saturday date or …anything dealing with Hugh.”

I chuckled low. “Well, you might could, maybe, ask me a few questions about my date.”

“Yeah?” I could hear the grin in her voice. “Do you like him?”

“I…think so. I’m not sure yet. He’s so….different.”

“Different? How so?”

“I really don’t know.”

“Well, maybe that’s a good thing.”

I chuckled again. “We’ll see.”

She gave her own laugh. “For what it’s worth, I’m proud of you. I know…how hard this is and that you’re scared, and I’m proud that you’re taking some more baby steps.”

Her words touched me. “Thank you. I did a lot of thinking today …and yes, I’m scared to death and all I really want to do is pull my head into my shell and hide, but…I really don’t want to miss out on my life.”

“I don’t want you to either.”

“So, I’m gonna just…try. Who knows how it’s going to go or if I’ll even be successful, but what do I have left to lose? I’m…alone, Dianna, and I don’t want to be alone anymore.”

“Oh, Morgan.” She sounded so heartbroken for me. “You are the bravest person I know.”

“Thank you.” But I didn’t feel brave. I was more scared than ever. Scared that I would fail terribly, scared that I wouldn’t be able to move past Hugh and scared that I even wanted to. That thought made me sick to my stomach and I almost changed my mind.

“Dianna?”

“Hm?”

“I don’t want to forget about him.”

“Honey, you aren’t going to. He has a very special place inside of you and he always will.”

I could feel the nerves in my tummy. “I’m scared.”

“I know you are. And you don’t have to rush into anything, or do anything you’re not ready for.”

“I know.” The words felt caught in my throat. “But I … I don’t want to be 80 with no…husband or family…all alone.”

“You aren’t going to be and 80 is a long ways from 26. Just take the time you need to grieve and get yourself to the point where you’re ready to find love again.”

“Right.” I gave a little nod, thinking back to the woman from the park. She had done it, I could do it. Maybe. Probably. I hoped so. I wanted to. I didn’t want to. I wanted Hugh. I wanted to take my Ambien and make my thoughts stop for just a little while.

“And you know I’m here for whatever you need.”

I nodded again, rubbing my head. “I appreciate that.”

“It’s going to get easier, Morgan.”

Tears were pricking my eyes. “I hope so.”

“It will.”

“What if it doesn’t?”

“Hey, you’ve already made some improvement. You just have to give it some time.”

I gave a heavy sigh. “I suppose.”

“And when you’re 80 and I’m…older than that… we’ll get together and poke fun at our husbands as they race each other with their walkers.”

I chuckled at that thought. “While you and I race each other in our Hoverounds.”

She laughed. “Now you’re thinking. We’ll be riding in style.”

I giggled low and shook my head. Dianna was a trip, and sometimes her mouth was too big for her face, but I wouldn’t trade her in for anyone else. When I needed someone she was there, and I had a very strong feeling I was going to need someone a lot as I tried to overcome my grief and move on with my life. I think she was going to have her hands full. Hope she was ready for it.