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Author's Chapter Notes:
Thanks again! I don't think I can say it enough! I hope you're still enjoying it as much as you seem to be hehe. Lemme know whatcha think of this one.

 

The next morning as the sun filtered in through the bedroom windows, I lay with my head on my boyfriend’s chest, our fingers intertwined, staring up at the ceiling. He had woken me early for love making and now we lay together, just enjoying each other and the silence in the room.

Glancing my eyes towards him, I shifted our arms until his curled around me and I could kiss his knuckles, our hands still locked together. “You consider us in a serious relationship, right?”

His free arm was tucked under his head and I was sure he was looking to me. “Of course I do.”

I fiddled with his fingers. “Then how come last night, you referred to us just dating?”

“When did I say that?”

I glanced to him again. “When you mentioned introducing me to Aubrey. You asked if I was upset because you didn’t make sure she knew we were dating.”

“But that’s what we are doing.” A beat. “Isn’t it?”

I pulled my hand from his then shifted to my side to see him better. “Well, yes and no. We are, but it’s more than just dating.”

“Well course it is. We’re in a serious, committed relationship that’s going somewhere. Not just two people messing around or being casual.”

I smiled and kissed his cheek. “Exactly. Can I ask you something else?”

“Of course.” He smoothed his fingers over my cheek.

“How long are you gonna continue to pay for your exes things?”

Alex blinked some and gave a little groan. “Do we have to talk about that?”

I sat up and pulled the sheet around me more. “Yes. I really don’t like the idea of you doing that. You’re with me, why are you paying for them?”

“I already explained my reasoning.”

“Alex, those were not reasons. Those were excuses.” With a sigh, I took his hand. “How would you feel if I were paying for some other guy’s things? And not just one…but two, maybe even three.”

“I wouldn’t like it.”

“Exactly.”

“Baby,” he gave his own sigh and sat up, cupping my face with his hands, “I already told you why I was doing it and what would happen if I stopped.”

“Are you going to continue to foot their bills when we get married?”

He hesitated, almost as if that hadn’t dawned on him. “I…don’t know.”

I wet my bottom lip and took his hands into mine. “I’m not going to marry someone who continues to pay the way for his ex-girlfriends.”

A frown creased his forehead.

“Can you really expect me to? Can you expect me to enter into a sacred union with you knowing that you’re still giving previous girlfriends money?”

He frowned more and pushed the covers back, rising from the bed. “So you’re saying you wouldn’t marry me?”

I rubbed my forehead. “Not if you were still paying for them when we got to that point.” I hated that, but I just couldn’t be with someone in a marriage if he were still paying for their things.

“Well then, what’s the point?”

I blinked. “Excuse me?”

He was yanking on his boxers in a frustrated manner. “What’s the point in us aiming for that goal if we aren’t gonna reach it?”

“Alex,” I shifted the covers around my nakedness a little more, “I didn’t say we wouldn’t reach-”

“It sure as hell sounded like that to me,” he interrupted me before I could finish my sentence.

That was one thing I was quickly learning about my boyfriend; he had a hot temper and when he got upset, all rational thoughts flew right out the nearest window. “Baby,” I watched as he grabbed his jeans and pulled those on, “come sit here, I’m trying to talk to you.” I patted a spot on the bed beside me.

“I think you’ve said enough.” His eyes flashed angrily at me. “You’re basically giving me an ultimatum; either, stop paying their bills or we’re through.”

My eyes stretched. “What? No, no that’s not what I’m saying at all.” I quickly scrambled from the bed, bringing the sheet with me. “I’m just saying that I don’t think I could marry you if you were still paying for their things.”

“Then what would be the point in us being together now if you aren’t going to marry me?”

I blinked some, not sure where we had taken that wrong turn into argumentville. “Well, I’m hoping that by the time we’re ready for that, you won’t be doing it anymore.”

“And what if I still am?” He had paused with his shirt in his hands, watching me with an expectant look.

A realization was slowly moving into my head. “You’d really sacrifice us just to keep your ex-girlfriends from bitching at you?” I wasn’t sure if I should feel hurt or angry first.

“I didn’t say that.”

“No,” I shook my head some, pulling the covers around me a little more, “but if…you continued to pay for them knowing how I felt…and it came down to us getting married… you’d sacrifice us for their sake.” I think I was more shocked at the epiphany to be hurt or angry at the moment.

“Morgan, that’s not how it’d be at all.”

“Then how would it be?!” There was the anger. “You’re going to continue to do what you want regardless of how I feel. And you’re gonna keep doing it. And that day you do propose to me…you’ll still be doing it. And when I say no, you’ll blame me, calling it an ultimatum when it’d be all your fault! Knowing how I feel and what I think about it and not caring!”

His brows drew together and he tossed the shirt onto the bed. “Morgan-”

“You…you would choose them over me,” I could hear the tremors in my voice as my throat tightened, “Them!

“Baby, no.” He was around the bed and to my side in an instant. “I would never do that.”

I hugged the sheet around my body, hot tears stinging at my eyes. “Then stop paying for their shit.”

He gave a heavy sigh and smoothed his hands on my upper arms. “It’s not that easy.”

I pulled away from him as if he were a hot stove I had just touched. The tears were now blurring my vision and with strained words, I managed out, “Then you already have.” And with that, I turned and fled into the bathroom, closing the door behind me and locking him out of my life.

~*~*~*~*~

I stayed in the bathroom until I was sure Alex was gone. I needed time to think and he obviously needed time to think. Or maybe he needed a good hit in the head to get the sense I know he had, moving again. Whatever the case, I didn’t want to talk to him, or see him.

I was a good hour or two late for work and quickly immersed myself in what I had planned for the day. The tardiness put me behind by an hour, so I was able to lose myself in playing catch up. Alex didn’t call, so I didn’t have to pretend to be busy or pretend to ignore it. And with all the appointments I had for the day, I was able to push him to the farthest corner of my mind. At least until I would have a free moment and then he’d come rushing back to the front.

Somehow, I managed to make it through the day and found the house empty when I got home that evening. A part of me was frustrated that he hadn’t even tried to get in touch, yet at the same time, I was relieved. I didn’t know what else to say to him or what else to do. I was tired of arguing. We’d been doing a lot of that lately and I hated it. I wanted things easy and simple again.

After taking a hot shower and changing into something more comfortable, I curled up on the couch with Daisy next to me and dialed the one person that always seemed to know what to say or do to make me feel better.

My mother answered on the second ring and barely had a ‘hello’ out before I was spilling to her about our most recent tiff.

“Oh, sweetheart, I’m so sorry,” she breathed out through the phone once I was finished.

“I don’t know what to do, Mama.”

“That’s a tough one.”

“Yeah, and I just don’t understand why he would do something like that. He has to know its wrong.”

“I’m sure on some level he does.”

I glanced towards the phone. “Then why does he do it?”

She gave a little sigh. “Well, it sounds like he might still feel a little obligated to them.”

“Obligated to his ex-girlfriends? Why?” That was something I couldn’t even fathom he still felt. They were in his past, why would he still feel like he owed them something?

“I dunno, sweetheart. That’s something you’d have to ask him.”

“We aren’t exactly speaking at the moment.”

“Well, that does hamper things a bit.”

I chuckled dryly then rubbed my eyes. “What am I going to do, Mom? I love him. I want to be with him. I eventually want to marry him. But I just don’t think I could with thatexes over me?”

“Is that what he was doing?”

“Yes. He didn’t tell me he’d stop and he hasn’t tried to call me all day. What does that tell you?”

“Baby,” she sighed it out and I was sure she was at a loss for words.

“Exactly.” I glanced to the phone again.

“So, what does this mean?”

I could feel a heavy feeling in the pit of my stomach and didn’t like it one bit. “I don’t know, Mom, I just…I don’t know.”

“Don’t give up on him, Morgan. He never gave up on you.”

Her words hit home and tears stung my eyes. “I love him too much to give up on him.”

“I know you do, baby. You guys will work it out.”

I was discouraged she didn’t have anything more to offer, but understood. She couldn’t make my decisions for me, only I could do that. With a sigh, I reached over and stroked Daisy’s head. “Thanks, Mom. Thanks for letting me just vent to you about it.”

“You know you can call me up anytime, precious. I’m sorry you’re dealing with something like this. I wish I could do more.”

“I know you do.” I glanced to the time. “Tell Daddy I said hi.”

“I will, baby. I love you.”

“I love you too.” With a sigh, I lowered the phone and clicked it off. Maybe I needed to go on over to his place. It bothered me that he hadn’t even tried to call me once throughout the day. It worried me a little too. What if he was throwing in the towel and just giving up. A pain shot through my chest at that and I wiped the tears away. We couldn’t just give up on us. We were supposed to be together. And if I didn’t want to lose him then I needed to just get over my pride and my feelings and go talk to him.

But first, I had a phone call to make.

Hitting the talk button on my cordless, I quickly dialed my neighbor’s number.

“Hey, hon,” she greeted me as she answered the phone.

“Hey,” I shifted some on the seat and drew my legs up onto the sofa with me, “how are you feeling?”

She gave a low chuckle. “I’m okay. Had some serious morning sickness this morning, but other than that, I’m just dandy.”

I couldn’t help but give a smile. “You talk to Manny?”

“Last night.”

“And…”

“And…” she drew the word out like I had, “he’s excited. He wants the baby.”

That was the first piece of good news I’d heard all day. Relief washed over me and I had to wipe away some fresh tears. “Dianna… oh honey, I’m so glad.”

“He said he thought he hadn’t wanted children, but now that it’s real and not just an idea, he really wants one.”

I laughed and wiped at my cheeks. “Does it change how you feel?”

“I’m not sure yet. I feel relieved that he’s excited and wanting the baby.”

I could hear the relief in her own voice, and a little something more I couldn’t quite place. “I think when he, or she, gets here, you’re going to be so happy and proud and in love with that little one.”

“You think so?”

“Oh, I really do. Just wait until you hear the heartbeat the first time, or you get to see them on the sonogram. You’re going to fall in love, Dianna.”

“I’m trying, Morgan, I really am. And with Manuel behind me on this, it makes it easier, but I…I just…motherhood is not my thing.”

“It’s more your thing than you realize.” She gave a sigh and I continued, “You just have to have a little faith. It’s going to be okay, it always is.”

“I wish I could be as positive as you.”

I wished I could be as positive as I was with her about everything in my life. “Well, that’s what I’m here for.”

“I love ya, you know that right?” I could hear her grin through the phone.

I smiled. “I know and I love you, too.”

We chatted another few moments before finally saying goodnight and hanging up. Glancing to the time, I replaced the phone and rose from my spot; stretching and tugging my shirt back down over my tummy. It was nearly eight and I wanted to change before heading over to my boyfriend’s. If that’s what we still were. With a sigh, and wondering what I was going to say to him when I finally saw him again, I headed from the room and up the stairs.

~*~*~*~*~

Denise answered the door once I made it to Alex’s and rang the bell. The expression on her face told me she knew what was going on. She hugged me, ushered me in and told me where to find Alex then said something about needing to take the dogs for a walk and hurried off to go find their leashes. I knew she was just giving us some space to talk.

Slowly, I meandered through his house until I was in the game room, stopping in the doorway and watching my boyfriend as he attempted to shoot a game of pool.

He didn’t notice me until about three shots later when he scratched then cursed and stood up straight, grabbing the chalk tip. His eyes met mine and he froze.

There was a pressure in my chest and it tightened as our gazes locked. “Hey,” I managed out, wanting to move on into the room, but not being able to take a step.

“Hey.”

“I um…” I waved back towards the hallway, “your mom told me you were in here.”

He gave a nod and began to chalk the end of his cue stick.

I watched him for a moment, trying to decide what the best thing to say would be. “Um…Alex…”

He cast his eyes towards me then back to his task at hand.

I sighed and finally moved into the room. “What’s happening to us?”

His eyes met mine again and he watched me a long moment before finally speaking, “I don’t know.”

That’s all he had? I had to remind myself to stay cool and try a different approach. “It seems like all we’ve done lately is argue.”

“Yeah, over stupid shit.” He continued to chalk the end of his cue stick.

“I don’t wanna do it anymore.” I wasn’t going to bring up that our disagreements weren’t over stupid shit. His mom, our future together; not stupid shit.

“You think I want to?” He set the chalk and his cue stick aside and faced me. “Morgan, I don’t like fighting with you anymore than you like fighting with me. But I don’t know what to do. You’re asking things of me that I don’t know if I can give.”

“You…don’t know if you can give?” My brows drew together. “Give what? Give up paying for someone else’s things? Baby,” I clenched my fists and took a breath in an attempt to keep my emotions in check, “yes, I don’t agree with that, but I’m not telling you to stop. I want you to, but I can’t order it of you. All I can do is ask. And if you say no, then that’s your decision.”

“But you won’t marry me if I continue doing it.”

“Well,” I wet my bottom lip and gave a little shrug, “I’m hoping that by the time we’re in that place, you won’t be footing other people’s bills.”

His brows rose. “And if I am?”

“Then we’ll cross that bridge when we get there.” I sighed some. “I don’t want to lose you over something like this. Yeah, I don’t agree with what you’re doing … but I’m not just gonna jump ship.”

“Not yet, anyway.” His words were hard and I his gaze even harder.

I frowned. “Alex, I am trying to make peace here. Why are you being so difficult?”

“I’m not being difficult!”

I could grab the pool balls from the table and hurl them at him. “Yes, you are! What is going on?”

He frowned, his jaw clenching.

I could not deal with this tonight. I didn’t know how to deal with it for that matter. “I don’t know….where the wrong turn was that we took that suddenly all we do is fight, but I don’t like it. I want to turn around and find the right path. The one we’re supposed to be on. Not this…this,” I searched for the right word, “this broken one filled with bumps.”

He reached a hand to the back of his neck. “I don’t like it either, but I don’t know what to tell you. You just don’t seem to understand.”

“Then help me.” I took a step towards him. “Tell me what’s going on, why you’re doing what you are….open up and let me in on this, Alex.”

His eyes softened and for a moment I thought he was going to agree, but then as quickly as it’d come, the look disappeared. “I can’t, Morgan.”

“You can’t or you won’t.”

“I just… I can’t do this right now, okay?” He ran a hand over his face and looked off to the side.

I felt like I’d just been slapped. I stared at him speechless as a tight ball of pressure quickly grew in my chest. Was this really happening? But instead of bursting into tears like I, oh so badly, wanted to do, I balked it up and drew in a shaky breath, making sure I had enough composure to speak, “Fine, then don’t bother calling me until you can.” And with that I turned on my heel and strode from the room.