“I tried to talk to him, Morgan,” Denise told me two days later when we met up for the promised shopping trip. Sure, I wasn’t speaking to her son, but I couldn’t ditch his mom. So we’d met up at the mall and moseyed through a few stores before grabbing a cup of coffee at the Starbucks in the food court.

“I really appreciate that, Denise, but it’s not something you can fix. He needs to be the one to realize what he’s doing and make amends.” I hadn’t heard from Alex since that night I left him in his game room. Quite a few times I’d had to stop myself from picking up the phone and calling him, but that wouldn’t do. He needed to be the one to take the first step and come to me. But he hadn’t and from the way our conversation was starting out, it didn’t look like it was going to be happening anytime soon.

I hadn’t told anyone what was going on between the two of us; Dianna had her own issues with her unexpected pregnancy and I didn’t want Anna’s sympathy. My mom had called me that morning, but I let it go to voicemail. I didn’t have the words to explain to her how I was feeling. I didn’t even know myself.

I for sure thought that he was my new life; we’d get married and have a family and live happily ever after. But I was slowly discovering that there weren’t any happily ever after’s. If things continued like this then I was going to be alone again. Maybe that was my destiny. Maybe Alex had just been someone to help me get over losing Hugh. But the thought of losing Alex made a lump the size of a softball swell in my throat. I couldn’t lose him. Over the past few months he had become the most important thing to me and I knew there was no way I could just move on. Besides, relationships were hard work and things had been going way too easy for us over the last month or so.

“He’s carrying a chip the size of Texas on his shoulder, I’m afraid.”

I looked up from my double latte and met her somber gaze. “I tried to help him, but I don’t know what else to do. He has some issues that he refuses to let me in on.”

“He won’t even tell me,” she sounded rather insulted by that. “My son can be one of the most stubborn people I know when he wants to be.”

“Does he get that from you or his dad?” I was trying to make a joke, but from the look Denise shot me I knew it hadn’t been taken that way. “I… I’m sorry; I was… trying to lighten the mood.” I took a quick sip of my drink.

She gave a little nod and swirled her straw in the passion fruit tea she had ordered instead of a coffee. “It’s alright,” she hesitated, “and he gets that from his father. That man was the most stubborn person I had ever met.”

I gave a little nod. I knew his parents were divorced and his mom remarried, but that was about it. “Does Alex talk to his dad very often? I’m sorry if that question seems like I’m intruding, but he doesn’t talk about him much.”

“Alex has no relationship with his biological father,” she stated in a matter of fact tone. “He actually calls my husband, Tony, dad.”

“Oh.” How had I not known that? “I’m sorry, he’s… never mentioned that.”

“It’s alright, dear. It’s a very sensitive subject to him.”

“I guess it is if he’s never told me.” What else was he keeping from me?

Her eyes met mine and I knew she was thinking the same thing. “His father left us,” she spoke quietly after a moment of silence. “Alex was four. And he didn’t hear from him again until he was 18 and had made it big with the group.”

I watched her, feeling like I was partly going behind Alex’s back with learning this information. He obviously hadn’t told me for a reason. But then again, I hadn’t asked and I wasn’t trying to learn it to gain anything. “That must have been hard.”

“It was. After learning that the entire time he was growing up his father was living just miles away, really hurt him. And when he finally got up the courage to go visit, he walked into his place and the man had Backstreet Boy posters and pictures of our son all over the walls. It really freaked him out.” She shook her head and looked to her drink.

I didn’t know what to say, but my heart panged for my boyfriend and I suddenly wanted to run to him and hold him close. “What… happened after that?” I questioned hesitantly.

“Heh, all Bob wanted was what Alex’s fame and popularity could bring. He didn’t want to see his dad after that, but Bob was sure to get as involved in his career as he could. He even helped run some Backstreet fan page and message board. He would call or write to Alex, but he never reciprocated. Last year, he even flew to Paris on his own to surprise him at one of his solo shows. That did not go over well.” She gave a heavy sigh. “He’s been through so much. All I want is to see him finally happy and in a good place. But every time he starts to find it, he just pushes it away.”

“Sounds like he’s afraid.”

“He doesn’t have anything to be afraid of.”

I didn’t have the heart to tell her that wasn’t true, so I just nodded and took a sip of my drink. Her story had given me some insight and I was trying hard not to think about going to see him. If he found out what his mom had told me, he might get angry and I didn’t want that. Besides, he was the one that needed to come to me. Or maybe I was being the too stubborn one. I didn’t know what to do and suddenly felt like crawling into bed and hiding away from it all.

“Don’t give up on him though, Morgan.”

Her words brought me back to our conversation and I fiddled with the edge of the lid on my glass. “I’m trying not to. I don’t want to, but I don’t know what to do.”

“Maybe you try to talk to him again?” She sent me a hopeful look.

“And if it ends up like it did last time?”

She ducked her head and I knew she was at a loss like me. Sighing, I rose from the chair and grabbed the couple bags I had acquired already. “How ‘bout we just do some shopping and try not to think about all that for awhile?”

Denise pressed her lips together and gave a nod. “Alright, I can do that.” Then she too stood and gathered her belongings.

“Good. They just put an H&M in here and I’ve been meaning to check it out. C’mon.” Then together we headed from the restaurant trying to put the conversation behind us.

~*~*~*~*~

Sunday morning I had just returned from a morning jog with Daisy when my phone rang. I snatched it up before it could even finish the first ring, hoping it would be Alex. Instead, Anna’s cheery voice greeted me. We chatted a few moments before she got down to the reason for her phone call.

“Greg and I were wondering if you and Alex wanted to come over this afternoon. We could take the boat out.”

I gave an inward groan. “That sounds like so much fun, but I don’t think we’ll be able to make it.”

“Aww, that’s too bad. Greg was really hoping you guys could. Abigail is at my mom’s this weekend, so it’d just be us adults.”

I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair, sinking down into an oversized armchair. “Maybe next time.” I was hesitant to tell her what was really going on with us.

She paused a moment. “Are you alright? You sound a little off.”

“Yeah, I’m okay, just tired; Daisy and I took a run on the beach and I just got back home.”

“Oh,” she paused another moment, “so how did your shopping trip with Denise go?”

“It went well. I probably bought more stuff than I should have, but I was in the mood to.”

She chuckled. “I’ve been there.”

“Yeah, I got a few new work suits.”

“We’re still on for shopping for our Hawaii trip when we win, right?”

I glanced to the phone and gave a real grin. “Absolutely.”

“You know they announce the winners on Thursday. I’m confident you’ll be one and it’ll be close between me and Dixon.”

“I’m not worried; he won’t be able to catch you by Thursday.”

“I hope not, Greg is already planning out the trip.” She chuckled some. “Hey, how cool would it be if we both won and you brought Alex and I brought Greg? Then they could go off and do guy things while we were at the convention.”

I grinned again. “That would be really neat.”

“And in the evenings, we could go to dinner, even a luau.”

“Yeah, I do want to go to one of those.”

“It’ll be so much fun. That’s why Dixon can’t win.”

I chuckled. “He won’t. It’ll be you and me.”

“And Greg and Alex.”

“And Greg and Alex,” I echoed her, not even knowing if we would get that far.

She was quiet another moment. “Are you sure you’re alright?”

I blinked and rubbed my face. “Yeah, I’m okay. But I really need a shower. I’m sorry about today.”

“Hey, it’s alright. We can take a raincheck.”

“Of course; a raincheck.” I felt myself smiling through my teeth. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

“Right, have a good day.”

I wished her the same and severed the call. Why was I so hesitant to tell Anna what was going on with Alex? Was it because I didn’t want her sympathy, or maybe I was afraid to admit I was failing at my first relationship since Hugh. Maybe both. It wasn’t my fault though. This was all Alex’s doing. And just thinking about the hurt he was causing me, our relationship, our future began to make my blood boil. What right did he have to treat me this way? Yeah, I had told him to call me first, but maybe it was high time I paid him another visit.

With that thought in mind, I rose from the couch and headed for the shower.

~*~*~*~*~

The more and more I thought about Alex withholding the information about his dad from me, the more upset I got. That’s why after my shower, when I still hadn’t heard from him, I found myself once more on his doorstep. Before I could kick myself for bending and being the one to bridge the gap, I pressed the bell and waited for either him, or his mother, to answer.

When his knee weakening eyes met mine, I felt my heart skip a beat and nearly did turn around. But the thought of all the secrets he’d been hiding made me stay.

“How do you expect our relationship to work out if you don’t tell me everything?” I exploded at him before he could even say my name.

Shock registered on his face and he glanced behind him then slipped outside onto the porch, closing the door softly.

I blinked at that, half wondering if he had someone inside he didn’t want me to see. “What is wrong with you?! I’ve done nothing but love you and open myself up to you and you can’t even do the same to me!” Tears were blurring my vision and my insides were trembling with the emotions I was feeling. “I’ve told you everything about me, about my past, about my family and about Hugh and you don’t even have the decency to let me into your life!”

“Morgan.” He frowned some, but didn’t say anymore than my name.

“What?” My eyes blazed. “It’s been four days, Alex, and you haven’t even tried to contact me. Is that your way of letting me know it’s over? Are we done?”

“Baby, no.” A fleeting look of anguish passed over his face and he reached for my arm.

I yanked it away. “Don’t touch me and don’t call me baby!”

“Morgan.”

“Why haven’t you told me about your dad? Huh? Why have you never mentioned him?”

“My dad?” He looked confused.

“Yeah, Bob,” I spat out.

“Who told you…” he trailed off and a dark look passed through his eyes. “My mother.”

“Yeah, at least she opens up to me,” I threw out at him.

“That’s not fair.”

“Oh, you want to talk about what’s not fair?” I rose to my full height, feeling every muscles trembling.

“Morgan, no-”

But I didn’t let him finish. “I am so sick of this, Alex, so sick of it! Is this what you do? Let them get close to you then you freak out so you push them away any way you can? Are you that scared of a commitment? Did you even mean what you said about wanting to marry me and loving me?”

With that, he reached out and caught my arms, hauling me to his body before I could even blink. “Don’t you dare ever question my feelings towards you!” His voice was low, but I could still hear the tremble in them. “Everything I told you has been the truth and nothing but!”

“Yet you can’t even pick up the phone and call me.”

“You told me not to until I was ready.”

“And just how long were you going to take?” I struggled to get away as the tears pooled into my eyes and slipped down my cheeks.

“God, baby,” he released me then captured my face in his hands, his thumbs wiping at the dampness on my face, “please don’t cry.”

“Then… don’t make me,” my own voice trembled.

And with that he pulled me into his arms and held me close, resting his head against mine and smoothing a hand over my back and into my hair. “I’m so sorry.”

I wanted to crumble in his arms and let him hold me. I wanted to hug him close and never let go. But I didn’t; instead, I found the strength to pull away. “No, you can’t do this,” I shook my head and took a step back, wiping at my face, “you don’t get to just apologize and things are right again.”

“But… I thought that’s what you wanted.”

I stopped, blinking and just staring at him like he had grown another head. “You… you thought that’s what I wanted? You apologized because you thought I wanted you to?!” I was trembling again. “Did you even mean it?!”

He froze and I felt my heart slide right into my toes. “Y…you didn’t.”

“Yes, yes I did,” he quickly recovered.

“No, no you don’t!” I reached and shoved at his chest. “You don’t care! You’re not sorry!”

Alex stumbled back a step then caught himself. “Morgan, please, baby, just take a second and calm down.”

“Do not call me baby!”

His eyes darted towards the neighbor’s houses at my loud outburst. “Please, don’t shout.”

“Why not?! You don’t want people hearing us? You worried about something?” I folded my arms over my chest and watched him with a defiant expression.

“Yeah, the cops showing up,” he retorted.

He had a point. I sighed and raked a hand through my hair. “I don’t know what to do anymore, Alex. You won’t tell me what’s going on, you don’t tell me about your past, you don’t let me in on things in your life,” I wet my bottom lip, “I feel like I hardly know you.”

“Ba-Morgan,” he quickly corrected himself, his features softening, “you do know me.”

“Yeah, what you want me to know.”

“Fine, what do you want to know?”

“About your dad.”

“I believe my mom already told you about him.”

If he was standing any closer I would have slapped him. “Forget it, this is impossible. Was your goal here to drive us to break up? Is that what you’re aiming for?” I was on the verge of doing just that.

“No!” His eyes flashed at me before he looked off, bringing a hand to the back of his neck.

I looked down and rubbed my eyes. Getting upset and yelling at each other was not accomplishing anything. “Why didn’t you tell me about your father?”

He sighed. “I didn’t think it was important.”

“Not important?” I was shocked. “Alex, it’s what made you who you are, how is that not important?”

“Because I have no relationship with my father.”

I wanted to reach out and shake him. “Don’t you get it? Rather you have a relationship or not, he’s a part of you, a part of your past; something you’re supposed to be able to share with me. What else are you not telling me?”

“Nothing else.”

“Right. You didn’t tell me about footing your exes’ bills and you didn’t tell me about your dad. I’m sure there’s nothing else.”

He frowned at my sarcasm. “Damnit, Morgan, there is nothing else. You know about my career, you know about my drinking and drug problems.”

“Are you trying to drive me away?”

He hesitated. “No, I’m not trying to do anything.”

I folded my arms over my chest in an attempt to hide the trembles that threatened my body. “Really? Cuz that’s what it seems like to me. If I hadn’t come over here to try to talk to you again who knows how long you’d have gone without calling me, or coming to see me.”

“Morgan,” he ran a hand over his face then met my eyes, “I’m not trying to drive you away. You know I want nothing more than for us to be together.”

“Really? Cuz you don’t seem to be acting like it. In fact, to me, it looks like you’re distancing us, hoping that maybe I’ll give up and walk away. Would that make you happy?” I tilted my head. “If I happened to walk off this porch and never come back, would you be okay with that? Because it’s about ten feet to my car,” I took a step back, “and you have about ten seconds to decide.”

Alex’s brows drew together. “You don’t mean that.”

“No?” I took another step back. “Want to see just how much I mean that?” Inside, I didn’t want to do it. I wanted to stay there and force him into talking, into telling me what his problem was. But I didn’t think I had it in me anymore. I was tired of being the one to try to get through, being the one to go to him and try to make us work. Maybe he needed to see what it would be like if he continued with this behavior.

“Morgan, stop.” He reached for me.

“Why should I? You’re the one that refuses to talk to me. You’re the one that refuses to let me into whatever you’re going through. You don’t call me; you push me away when I try to talk to you. I don’t know what to do anymore, Alex!” My voice rose with each frustration.

His gaze fell and his shoulders hunched.

Tears began to well in my eyes again and a lump formed in my throat. “Y..you’d… you’d really let me,” I choked the words out, taking another step back.

“Morgan,” he brought his somber eyes to my teary ones, “it’s not that I’d let you, it’s just that…”

“I..I get the picture loud and clear.” Inside my chest, my heart was cracking into a million pieces. “I just…I never…I never thought it would happen to us. I…” I bit my bottom lip, trailing off as the tears ran down my cheeks.

“Morgan,” pain passed over his face and he reached for me, “I’m sorry, baby. This isn’t what I wanted to have happen at all.”

But it was too late for that. Ignoring his remarks, I turned on my heel and headed for my vehicle. But what really made my heart shatter was that he didn’t even try to stop me.