I’m falling apart
I’m barely breathing
With a broken heart
That’s still beating

The soulful voice of the lead singer of Lifehouse crooned from my car radio as I steered down the freeway. It was dark, the night having fallen long ago, and I had no idea where I was. After leaving Alex’s I’d just driven. Anywhere I could get that would take me as far from him as possible. The pressure in my chest still hadn’t lessened like I hoped it would, but the tears had long since dried. At least they had until Broken had started to stream from the speakers.

With a trembling hand, I reached and wiped at my cheeks, trying to concentrate on the road ahead of me but my tears and the dark of night were making it difficult.

Finally, I pulled over to the side of the road and grabbed for some tissues.

The broken locks were a warning
You got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded
I’m an open book instead

It was like they were singing to me, telling me exactly how I was feeling. I leaned over the wheel, my forehead resting on it and tried to stop the sobs that were escaping.

I’m hanging on another day
Just to see what you will throw my way
And I’m hanging on to the words you say
You said that-

I reached over and pushed the power button on the radio, cutting off the song. I was done hanging on. Tonight I had successfully let go and landed amongst the razor sharp rocks below. They were piercing my heart, but there was nothing I could do. Alex was clearly letting me go and I wasn’t going to be one of those girls that begged for another chance, or chased after him trying to figure out what had gone wrong. I already knew that; he had pushed me out and locked his heart away. His mother had been right all along; he had serious relationship issues.

Tossing the damp tissues to the side, I glanced around. Where the heck was I? I don’t even remember what roads I took or how far I’d come. Reaching to my navigation system I turned it on and let it figure out my location, my eyes nearly falling out of my head at what it read. I was just outside of Fresno, California. Holy canoley! I was over three hours away from Los Angeles! And a check of the time told me it’d be after midnight before I got back home.

That is….if I even went home tonight. Maybe I’d just find a hotel and crash there. I could call Dianna and she could run over and let Daisy out, give her some food and check her water dish.

The more and more I thought on that idea, the more I began to feel like yes, that’s what I wanted to do.

I was just about to pull my vehicle back on the freeway when red and blue lights suddenly illuminated around and I saw the police cruiser pull in behind me. Great. Sighing, I made sure to keep my hands on the wheel until the officer was at my window with his flashlight.

“Ma’am? Are you alright?” He questioned, once I had the window down.

I squinted in the light and gave a nod. “Yes, I was just programming my navigation system. I didn’t want to do that while driving.” I motioned towards my unit, the screen with the map of my location glowing bright in the darkness.

He scanned his light on the unit then back to my face. “Are you sure you’re alright? You look…” he trailed off and I was sure he wasn’t exactly comfortable with my swollen and red eyes.

“Yeah,” I rubbed my forehead, “actually no. I just had this huge fight with my boyfriend and I started driving not knowing where I was going and now I’m here and I don’t even know where here is exactly and I need to find a hotel,” the words rushed out before I could stop them and the tears filled my eyes once more.

The officer pressed his lips together then passed a white kerchief through the window. “Um… I’m real sorry about that, Ma’am.”

I took it with a nod of thanks and pressed it to my eyes, hating myself for crying in front of this stranger.

He watched me until I had calmed some, before speaking once more, “There’s some hotels not far from here. How ‘bout you follow me and I’ll take you there.”

I sniffed and cleared my throat. “O…okay, that…um that sounds good. Thank you so much.”

He gave a nod then headed back to his vehicle.

I waited until he was inside and had pulled around me and onto the road again before heading off behind him. At least he hadn’t written me a ticket or just told me to get on along and off the side of the road.

Twenty minutes later, he pulled his cruiser into the parking lot of a Motel 6 and parked by the office. I pulled in next to his and killed the engine, taking a second to get my composure and dignity before exiting the vehicle. The officer stepped from his as well and we met at the doors to the hotel. In the dim light from the parking lot I could see that he was rather tall with broad shoulders and dark eyes. He looked young; early to mid thirties and his nameplate read Officer Brighton. He wasn’t a bad looking guy with his tanned skin and wasn’t there always something said about a man in a uniform?

I fiddled with my car keys. “Um, thank you. You really didn’t have to.”

“Just doing my duty.” He touched my arm, a look of concern passing over his face. “Are you going to be okay?”

“Yeah, of course. I…just needed to figure out where I was.”

“There are maps in the lobby. Come, I’ll get you one.” He nodded his head towards the glass doors then strode for them.

I blinked then started after him. “You really don’t have to do that. I have a GPS unit in the car, actually.”

He didn’t seem to hear me, or chose not to, for he entered the office, did a quick scan and moved over to the wall lined with maps and different travel brochures. “Here we go, Northern California,” he spoke as he selected the appropriate map and held it towards me.

“Thank you.” I accepted it, fiddling with it in my hands and wondering if the cop was this thorough with every task he undertook. “I’ll look it over.”

“Good.” He nodded in approval then touched my arm and motioned towards the front desk just as the man behind it asked if he could be of assistance.

Within moments I had a room secured and was given my keycard. They desk clerk had even put together a basket of necessities I would need that I hadn’t brought with me. I thanked him graciously then turned and found Officer Brighton still there.

He smiled when our eyes met and pushed from the doorframe he was leaning against. “I just wanted to make sure you got your room okay.”

“Yeah,” I waved my keycard some, “everything’s good. They even provided me with a few extra things.” I lifted the basket in my hand a little higher.

“Good.” His grin showed off two rows of perfectly straight, white teeth.

“Yes,” I wet my bottom lip, “and um…thank you, again.”

“Don’t mention it.” He tugged his cap some. “I should be getting back out there before they wonder where I went.” He hesitated then met my eyes. “Take care of yourself.”

“I will. Thank you.”

He gave a nod, his gaze lingering just a moment longer before he turned and strode back out the doors and into the night.

With my map, purse and basket of goodies, I found my way to my room and inside. It was a cozy, single room with a queen sized bed and khaki and dark green striped curtains. A table and two chairs were off to the side and the bathroom had a large tub and creamy marble tile.

Within minutes I had washed my face and brushed my teeth. Upon climbing onto the large bed, I took my phone and checked the time then dialed my neighbor.

“Hello,” she answered on the second ring.

“Dianna, hey.”

“Hey yourself,” her rich voice chimed back. “What’s going on?”

I could feel it on the tip of my tongue to tell her everything. “Um, actually, I needed a quick favor.”

“Sure, hon, what’s that?”

“Do you think you could run over to my house, or send Manny, and let Daisy out for a few then get her some food and water?”

“Ooh, staying at Alex’s, huh?”

I could never lie to her. “Not exactly.”

“Oh? Where are you?”

I paused a moment. “Fresno.”

“Fresno?” She sounded as confused as I felt. “What are you doing in Fresno?”

“I wish I knew.” I gave a sigh. “Alex and I broke up and I just started driving and ended up here.”

“What? Morgan! How…what…what happened?”

The tears were threatening my eyes once more. “I…he…” it felt like too much to go into over the phone, “I don’t know if I can do this on the phone, Dianna.”

“Oh honey, that’s alright, you don’t have to. Are you coming back tomorrow?”

“Yeah.” I wiped at my eyes.

“Okay, then we’ll talk tomorrow. And I’ll send Manuel over to take care of Daisy.”

“Thank you.”

“It’s no problem, Morgan. You just take care of yourself and if you need anything, just call me, okay?”

I had to smile; Dianna was one of the best people I knew. “Okay, thank you, again.”

“You’re welcome.”

I wished her goodnight then finally hung up. Setting the phone on the nightstand, I took up the remote and wiggled myself under the blankets. Sleep wasn’t going to come easily to me tonight and the television would help take my mind off things. Shifting the pillows up behind me, I leaned into them then pressed the power button on the remote and the screen came to life. Maybe there’d be an interesting movie on, or maybe something dull enough to lull me to sleep. Whichever the case was, I knew one thing for certain; it was going to be a long night.

~*~*~*~*~

Officer Brighton was downstairs when I emerged from the elevator at checkout time. He was dressed in some jeans and a nicely pressed blue polo with dark blond hair combed neatly. I didn’t recognize him until he approached and his dark eyes twinkled.

“Remember me?”

I blinked some and looked him over before realizing who he was. “Officer Brighton.” I was more than surprised at him being there, even more so surprised that he wasn’t in his uniform.

“Please, call me Travis. And with everything going on last night, I didn’t get your name.”

I blinked. “Oh, um, I’m Morgan.”

“Morgan,” he grinned, “that’s a pretty name.”

“Thank you.” I shifted my handbag and motioned towards the front desk. “Um, I’m going to go check out.”

“Oh, of course. “He motioned me to go ahead.

Moving past him, I headed for the front desk, wondering why Officer Brighton was here. Maybe he wanted to make sure I knew how to get back to the freeway and the direction to go that’d take me back to LA. Shrugging it off, I went about getting checked out and tucked the receipts into my wallet. I thanked the desk clerk then turned and found the officer waiting with his hands in his pockets and his shoulders hunched, leaning casually against the wall.

He straightened when our eyes met, pulling his hands from his pockets and smoothing his shirt. “So, um, have you eaten yet?”

I hadn’t been hungry all night or this morning until he spoke those words, then my stomach gave a growl and I realized just how famished I was. “Actually, no.”

A grin spread across his face. “There’s this diner across the street, it’s a pretty decent place. They have some of the best coffee in all of California.”

Was he inviting me to go with him? I should have said no, but my hunger was getting the best of me and I gave a nod. “That sounds really good.”

Soon we were seated across from each other in a cozy little diner, sipping some coffee and waiting for our breakfast to be served.

“So, where are you from?” Travis questioned over the mug of his coffee as he took a sip then set it down onto the little saucer.

“Los Angeles.”

“And you drove all the way up here not knowing where you were going?”

I chuckled low, feeling a blush creeping into my cheeks. “I was distraught.”

“Oh right, a fight with the boyfriend.”

“Yeah, a bad one.” I frowned as I thought back over what had transpired on his front porch. “I don’t think he’s my boyfriend anymore.”

“No?”

Was the corner of his mouth tugging up into a grin? I couldn’t tell and it didn’t matter anyway. “No.”

He was quiet a moment, his dark eyes gentle and sympathetic. “Want to talk about it?”

“I don’t even know you.”

“Sometimes that’s the best thing. You can talk freely, not censor yourself or worry if I’ll take up for this guy.”

He had a point. I sighed and chewed my bottom lip, fiddling with the corner of a napkin. “Are you off work today?”

“Yeah, I don’t work Mondays or Tuesdays.”

I gave a little nod. “Do you have a girlfriend?” I hadn’t noticed a wedding ring on his finger.

A look of something distant crossed through his eyes and he shook his head. “No.”

I chewed my cheek and fiddled with the napkin.

“So, what did this boyfriend of yours do that caused this bad fight?”

“It’s complicated. We haven’t exactly had the easiest of relationships and for awhile things were really great. But then they just started getting bogged down and everything turned sour.”

“Something had to have caused that. It doesn’t just go downhill for no reason.”

“I found out that he was still paying some of his ex-girlfriends bills and then it just snowballed from there.” I tilted my head, studying the patterns on the Formica tabletop. “I told him I couldn’t marry him if he continued to pay their bills and he thought I was giving him an ultimatum. That isn’t what it was though. Hell, we aren’t even close to being married yet. I just,” I struggled to find the words to explain myself, “I was hoping that he would realize that he really wants to be with me and to realize that it isn’t right to pay for his exes ways. I wanted him to pick me over them…but he didn’t.”

Travis listened intently then leaned forward after I had finished. “That doesn’t sound so horrible. It’s just a fight; I think the relationship is still salvageable.”

My eyes lifted to his face. “There’s more.”

“Oh?”

I sighed some and paused while the waitress set our plates down. After she was gone and I was preparing my hash browns with ketchup, I continued, “We didn’t talk for a few days. I had told him not to call me until he was ready to sit down and discuss everything that we were dealing with. There was something he wasn’t telling me and he refused to, so I told him not to call me until he was ready to tell me about it. But he never did.” I frowned. “Who knows how long he woulda gone if I hadn’t finally decided to go back and see him.

“But it was the same thing, the same argument and his same stubbornness not to let me in. I can’t handle that. I’ve told him everything I was dealing with and about my past and he can’t even do the same. If I bring something up, he brushes it aside or changes the subject or just plain refuses to discuss it. He was trying to drive me away. He has issues and I guess he’ll only let someone get so close before he freaks out and does everything he can to push ‘em away.” I stared into my food. “The worst part was, he just let me leave.”

“Sounds like he’s scared of something.”

I shook my head, discovering my appetite had left once again. “Yeah, he’s scared of losing me. But can’t he see that’s what’s happening now?”

“Well,” Travis swirled his fork in his eggs, “maybe him driving you away isn’t the same as if you two were together and then something happened and you left him.”

I frowned. “I’m the one that should be scared of losing him.”

“Why?”

I had to blink back the tears that were trying to escape. “Just…because of what I’ve lost in the past.”

Travis watched me, eating on his breakfast and wiping his mouth before speaking, “You want to know what I think?”

“Yes, please.”

He nodded and set his napkin back in his lap. “He’s obviously scared of how intense your relationship is getting; rather it be from previous experiences or something that happened in his life to scar him, but he is. And so he thinks that by driving you away, it’ll save you both a lot of heartache in the long run.”

I watched him intently, only half believing I was spilling my problems to a complete stranger; and a male one at that. “So, he drives me away so I don’t end up hurting him?”

Travis shrugged a shoulder. “That’s my take on it. He thinks if he puts a stop to it, then he won’t end up bruised or broken.”

“That’s so stupid!”

“It is, but people who have been hurt or are afraid to get close build those kinds of walls to protect themselves.”

“He isn’t protecting anybody.”

Travis reached across the table and rested his hand over mine. “We know this, but he doesn’t.”

My frown grew. “So, what am I supposed to do?”

“There’s not much you can do. You can’t keep trying to pound it into his head, because he won’t listen and rationalize until he’s the one that realizes it and understands that he does it.”

My shoulders slumped and I sagged into the booth. “How do I make him realize?”

“I dunno if there’s any way that you can.”

“How do you know so much about this?”

He gave a little shrug and turned back to his food, his demeanor shifting.

I watched his attitude change rather quickly and tilted my head. “Did that happen to you?”

“No.” He found his omelet extremely interesting.

“Oh, come on. I’ve told you my troubling drama. What’s yours?” His eyes darkened and I could see the hurt in them. It made me want to reach out and touch him. “Travis?”

He wet his bottom lip then lifted his coffee colored eyes to mine. “My wife was a therapist. I helped her study for grad school.”

I think my eyes nearly fell out of my head. “Your wife? You’re married?”

“Was. She um…she passed away almost two years ago.”

I felt like someone had just kicked me in the chest. “Sh…she did?” Then I snapped back to myself. “I’m so sorry.”

“Thank you.” Travis gave a little sigh and turned back to his food, swirling his fork around in what was left on his plate.

And now I had no appetite whatsoever. I pushed my plate to the side and suddenly wanted to tell him everything; let him know he wasn’t the only one going through something like this and that it would get better, even when it seemed like there was no possible way it could.

“May I, um… ask what happened?”

“She was hit by a drunk driver. Died instantly they told me.”

My heart wrenched for him and this time I did reach for his hand. “My husband passed just over two years ago. He hit a jackknifed semi and died instantly too.”

Travis blinked. “You were married?”

“For two years. And I thought after he died… I was going to as well.”

“Yeah, I know what you mean. We’d been married for almost four.”

“Any children?”

“A little girl. She’s three and a half.” A grin tugged at the corner of his mouth. “She’s my heart and soul. Looks just like her mother.”

I smiled. “Do you have a picture?”

“Of course.” And then he was extracting a photo of a beautiful, blue eyed, blonde haired little girl with dimples in her cheeks from his wallet and we spent the rest of the breakfast talking about Meadow Victoria Brighton. By the time breakfast ended I felt like I knew the little girl personally.

It was later than I wanted it to be once we finally left the diner. Travis walked me back across the street to my car and bid me adieu. He thanked me for the comfortable conversation and I thanked him for his words of wisdom. They would definitely give me something to mull over on the four hour drive back to LA. But maybe that’s what I needed, because I wasn’t through with Alex, not by a long shot. And I knew he wasn’t through with me either.

With that thought in mind, I pulled away from the Motel 6 and headed back towards Los Angeles and to the man who still carried my heart, no matter how many times he tried to throw it to the wayside.