In the end, Dianna supported my decision. She spent the night Thursday and we ate ice cream and watched sad movies all night. I got Anna to take some of my house showings and cleared my schedule for Friday, then I just moped around the house. Dianna tried to talk me into going shopping with her, but I didn’t have the energy. So she went on her own then came over that evening to show me the things she had bought. We ended up staying up until the wee hours of the morning once more and I finally sent her home to her husband. She needed her rest and to stop worrying about me. I would be fine, but if she didn’t take care of herself, her baby might not be.

Saturday, I took Daisy jogging on the beach. We made it as far as the first place Alex and I met before I had to turn back, tears blurring my vision. Daisy was sympathetic towards me; she sensed something wasn’t right and refused to leave my side, making sure she was there tucked next to me for whatever I may need her for.

It was a hard weekend; I had to force myself not to call Alex and try to talk some sense into him once more. It wouldn’t do any good; he obviously didn’t want our relationship to continue. Numerous times he had just let me walk away and I couldn’t keep coming back. It was over, we were finished.

My throat tightened every time I thought about that and I tried hard not to cry, but sometimes you just can’t control it. And when you’re in a hot shower with the sounds of the water running to disguise your tears, they just come, streaming down your face and your soul exposing to the steam filling the bathroom.

I was emptied out by the time Sunday night rolled around. I had cried for everything; for myself, for Alex, for our relationship, for our future, for the loss of someone so important to me, for the loss of someone I loved so much that it ached. It wasn’t like with Hugh, when I knew he was gone for good and I’d never see him again, but it certainly felt like that. Sure, I could have stayed with him and put up with his crap, but I’m not that kind of a person and I respect myself to much to let a guy do me wrong. Besides, it wouldn’t have been a healthy relationship. And if I hadn’t ended it, who knows the kind of direction it would have gone and the damage it would have done to both of us.

I didn’t want people’s sympathies, or to have to rehash what had gone sour between the two of us, so I avoided my mother’s phone calls and even Anna’s. Alex didn’t call me and I didn’t expect him to. And by Monday, I had decided I was going to hold my head high and get on with my life. I had spent too much time grieving over Hugh, I couldn’t do that again. So instead, I threw myself into my work, selling three houses by Wednesday and acquiring a couple new clients. Zoe was ecstatic and when I opened my paycheck on Friday I was surprised to see a nice, fat bonus.

Friday was also the day Officer Travis Brighton contacted me. He called just as I was heading out to the door for the airport and my flight to Hawaii. We didn’t get to talk long, but it was long enough to tell him that it was definitely over between Alex and me. He expressed his sympathies and offered an ear or a shoulder if ever needed. I conveyed my appreciation and thanked him, telling him I would certainly keep it in mind. We made small talk for a few and he filled me in on how his daughter was doing before I told him I had to catch a flight and we ended the call.

Upon arriving at the airport, I noted Anna hadn’t made it yet. With Dixon winning the other ticket, and Alex and I not a couple anymore, he obviously wouldn’t be accompanying me to Hawaii. So I had asked Anna and, surprisingly, she’d agreed. We were supposed to meet at the ticket counter, but she was nowhere in sight. A quick call to her cell phone told me she had already shut it off, so I slipped mine back into my purse and checked into my flight. She’d be here shortly, or maybe she was already at the gate.

Making a stop in the gift shop on the way to the gate, I picked up a couple magazines and a pack of gum. My carry-on had some books, a crossword puzzle and my iPod to occupy me on our long flight over the ocean. But with how much Anna and I could talk, I wasn’t planning on using the other things very often.

Dixon Giles was the only person to greet me when I reached our gate. He had a buxom blonde with him and I was sure that if she bent over in even the slightest way, the tiny skirt she was wearing would slip up and show off her panties; if she was even wearing any.

We exchanged pleasantries and he introduced the blonde as Karie. Karie seemed as capable of having a conversation with you as you could with a door. I had no idea how Dixon could handle being around her, but then again, I’m not a guy and I don’t think with things below my shoulders. I asked about Anna, but he didn’t have a clue as to her whereabouts. He wasn’t even aware she was tagging along.

With a sigh, I pulled my phone out and tried her once more, but to no avail. She better not miss her flight, I was really looking forward to some girl time in Hawaii, escaping all thoughts of Alex and really trying to move on with my life.

By the time they were calling for us to board, there was still no Anna, which really had me worried so this time I placed a call to her house. Greg picked up and after a moment, Anna was on the line.

“Anna, why are you at home? We’re boarding the plane?” I hissed, covering my free ear with my hand to block out the call to board.

“I know, Morgan, and I’m so sorry, but something’s come up with Abigail and I can’t make it.”

“What? Is she okay?” I glanced towards the line that was slowly moving into the jetway.

“Yes, she’s alright, but I just don’t have time to get to the airport. I’m so sorry. I know you were excited for a girl’s weekend, but I promise to make it up to you when you get back.”

“Why didn’t you call me?”

“I haven’t had time; I was about to when you called me.”

I sighed at that. “Alright, its okay, I was just worried something had happened to you.”

“Oh goodness, no. I’m okay and so are Abi and Greg.”

“Good,” I nodded at Dixon as he waved me to join them and board the flight, “but you do realize you’re leaving me alone with Dixon, and he’s brought some blonde bimbo with him.”

Anna laughed. “Ooh, I’m so sorry. Just put your iPod on and try your best to ignore them.”

“Yeah, easier said then done.” I sighed. “Alright, I gotta go, we’re about to get on. I’m glad things are okay and I’ll call you when I get back.”

“You can tell me all about it.” She giggled some.

“Deal. Later, chickie.” Then I hung up and shut my phone off, sliding it down into my carryon and joining the quickly thinning line to board the flight.

Once I was onto the actual plane, I checked my boarding pass for the seat and blinked a little bit at the row it had me in; 3A. If my knowledge about a plane meant anything, that sounded like it was in First Class. Wow, Zoe must really love us if she’s fronting for First Class tickets. I wondered if Bimbo Girl had first class as well.

“Hey,” I called to Dixon as he started to head into the coach section, “where are you going?”

“Uh,” he looked at me like I was an idiot, “to my seat.”

“No, we’re seated in First Class.” I motioned to my boarding pass, pointing out the seat direction.

“Huh?” He doubled checked his boarding pass and shook his head. “No, I’m in 12D, see.” He held it towards me to view.

I frowned and stepped out of the way of the people behind me. “Well, that’s weird. Why would Zoe put me in First Class and you in coach?”

Dixon chuckled low and gave a little shrug. “Because you came in first?”

“Yeah, but that’s not fair.”

He gave a little shrug then winked at me. “It’s no worries though, babe. I’m gonna be just fine here in coach. Later on, I’ll even be joining the Mile High Club.”

I made a face. “Ew, I did not need to hear that.” Then leaving him laughing, I showed my pass to the flight attendant and headed into the First Class cabin. Maybe I should be glad I’m not sitting anywhere near Dixon or his playboy playmate.

Grateful for that, I found my seat and stowed my roller suitcase in the overhead before sitting and stashing my bag into the storage behind the seat in front of me, I sighed and relaxed back in the nice, roomy chair. This wouldn’t be bad for the flight at all. Glancing to the window right there on my left, I watched out at the airport then to my watch, noting it was nearly time for takeoff.

Pulling my tote bag back out, I dug out the real estate magazine I had bought and settled back into the chair. I was halfway through reading an article about financing when I felt the plane starting to push back from the gate. Glancing up, I watched out the window as we slowly moved back and then the intercom started up and the First Class flight attendant began her spiel about buckling and airline safety. I looked towards her and nearly jerked at the body in the seat next to mine. I hadn’t even noticed when they had sat down.

“I’m sorry, did I scare you?”

The minute he spoke, I felt my heart drop directly into my feet. He didn’t even need to look at me and I knew who it was. “Wh…what are you doing here?”

Alex gave a little shrug, his eyes shifting towards me then back to the flight attendant, who was demonstrating how to use the oxygen masks. “I decided I might need a few days in Hawaii.”

“And you happened to take the same flight, and end up sitting right next to me?”

He shrugged all casually. “What can I say, it’s a small world.”

I frowned at that, not liking his indifferent attitude. Suddenly, it clicked and my frown grew even more. “Did you plan this out?”

His eyes met mine at that and he gave a sigh. “I might have; with the help of one of your friends.”

“Dianna!” I spat out.

“Actually, no.”

And then I knew what had happened. “There wasn’t anything wrong with Anna’s child, was there? Did she call you or you call her?”

“She called me.”

“You guys set me up!”

Alex sighed. “Yes, we did. I’m sorry if you don’t like it, but Anna thought that maybe if we went together, we could figure things out.”

“Oh, so now you want to figure things out?” I don’t know why I was becoming so angry. Alex was here and he wanted to talk, I should have been jumping for joy.

“Morgan-”

“No,” I turned to face him the best I could with my seatbelt over my lap, “you listen to me; you don’t get to decide when you can walk in and out of my life. I’m not a puppet on a string that you can control. This isn’t a ‘choose your own time for a relationship’, you’re either in it or you’re out. But there’s no in-between and you have no right to let things end the way then did then pull this kind of a stunt. What if I don’t want to see you?”

He looked shocked at the ferocity of my words, taking a minute to either gather his thoughts, rethink his approach, or let what I said simmer. Finally though, he brought his eyes fully to mine and spoke, “That’s just a chance I’m going to have to take.”

I frowned at that and turned back to face the front, grabbing my magazine and yanking it back open.

“Morgan,” he reached and tugged it from my hands, ignoring my protest, “I know that I messed up and I know that we have a lot to talk about. I’m not trying to make excuses or say that I wasn’t wrong. But you’ve wanted me to talk and let you in and I’m trying. Don’t close me off, please.”

I bit the inside of my cheek and glanced to the window as the plane began taxing down the runway, picking up speed and hurtling along before lifting up into the air.

“Morgan,” he pleaded.

He sounded so earnest. I sighed and rubbed my forehead before looking his way once more. “So, what do you want? You want to do this here?” I motioned around the airplane. “In front of everyone?”

“No, of course not.”

“Well, why not? You think we’re going to chat like old times the entire way to Hawaii?”

His eyes narrowed. “What is your problem?”

“My problem? You really have the audacity to ask me that?”

“Yes.” He frowned.

I could have reached over and smacked him. “You, Alex. You and your …your whatever the hell is going through your head, is my problem. I am…I am just… so angry with you.”

Instead of getting defensive like I expected, he sagged into the seat and rubbed his face with both hands. “I know you are, and I’m sorry. I know that I have problems and I know that I hurt you,” his eyes were filled with regret, “but you have to know I never did it on purpose. It wasn’t my intention to do you that way. Not one bit.”

I felt my defenses weakening at the expression on his face and the pain in those eyes. “I know you didn’t.”

He gave a nod and reached for my hand and I didn’t pull it away.

“So, um, what now?” He questioned after a moment of silence between us.

“Well,” I glanced towards the flight attendant who was bringing the tray to the front to start serving the food and drinks, “we just chill and take it easy until we get to Hawaii and into the hotel, then we’ll talk.”

“Sounds good.” He lifted my hand to his mouth and kissed my knuckles.

I felt the warmth starting to spread through me at that action and had to force myself not to melt like I wanted to. “And you have to talk, no more of this, ‘I can’t’ stuff.”

“I’m ready to talk.”

I squeezed his hand then let them rest in his lap. “Good.”

And that’s how we flew all the way to Hawaii.

~*~*~*~*~

It felt later then it really was due to the time difference when we finally arrived at the hotel and got checked into our room. Alex had upgraded us to a one bedroom suite and he ordered us up some room service while I got myself settled and my clothing unpacked from the suitcase so it wouldn’t wrinkle. I had been debating on rather or not to share a room with him, but then thought I’d wait and see how our conversation went before deciding. I could always go back downstairs and get my own if I needed to.

After a quick shower to wash the weariness of traveling off, I rejoined Alex to discover the food had arrived. We settled ourselves in at the table and ate, making small talk and saving the serious stuff for after dinner.

Once we were finished, we put the dishes back on the trays and pushed the cart out into the hall to be taken away. Then Alex settled himself on the coffee table and I sank onto the sofa, facing him. We watched each other for a long moment before he rubbed his face and rested his elbows on his knees, leaning forward towards me.

“I um, I don’t even know where to start,” he spoke in a defeated manner.

“The way I see it, Alex, is that this conversation is either going to make us or break us. There’s no going back.” I hated hearing the words coming from my mouth. “So, how about you start with why you’ve been acting the way you have.”

Alex wet his bottom lip and brought his eyes to mine. “I…I’ve been trying to figure that out.”

“Any luck?”

He shrugged and began to pick the skin around his fingernails.

I tried not to let my patience grow thin. “I thought you were ready to talk.”

When I was met with only silence, I sat forward on the edge of the couch. “Okay, how about I start.” I didn’t give him a chance to respond before reaching out and taking his hands into mine, forcing our eyes to meet. “I love you, Alex, and I want this to work, but it won’t if you aren’t willing to meet me halfway. You have to open up to me, I know it’s hard, but you can’t lock it all away. If you want us to have a good, healthy relationship as badly as I do, then you have to stop hiding the broken pieces of your past. I’m not going to judge you, and it’s not going to make me hightail it out of here. Please trust me enough to show me all of you.”

He was quiet for a long moment, his expressive eyes filled with both fear and want.

“What are you so afraid of?” I gently prodded.

“Of losing you,” his words were barely but a whisper and I had to strain to hear them.

“Where am I going to go?” I gave a dry chuckle. “You’ve been acting like such an ass these last few weeks, yet I’m still here.”

“Only because Anna called me.”

Okay, he had a point there. I sighed. “Can you blame me? I’ve tried, Alex, I’ve really tried to get you to talk to me, but you of all people know that you can’t force someone. You just have to wait until they’re ready.”

“I know. And I don’t wanna lose you. It’s hard for me though; after years of shoveling things away, I can’t just be an open book.”

“I don’t expect you to be, but you have to start somewhere, with something.”

He sighed and rubbed his forehead. “Okay, alright, I can do this.”

I smiled and gave his hand a reassuring squeeze. “Yes, you can.”

“Right,” he flashed a trying smile that made my heart dip, “so…um…let’s just start with my father.”

“Okay.”

“He left me and my mom when I was four. Never called, never sent a card for my birthday or even Christmas. Didn’t bother to look me up or care about me until I got famous.” When I didn’t speak, he continued, “He only wanted into my life again because of my fame and fortune. He didn’t care about me, just what I could bring him. Like a lot of other people in my life.”

“That’s gotta be hard.”

“It is. Not knowing if someone is your friend because they really like you, or because they want something from you. It’s hard to trust anyone.” Those expressive eyes met mine and I shivered at the pain in them.

“It’s hard to let people in too, cuz of it, isn’t it?”

He nodded and his eyes fell back to our hand.

I reached with my other hand and touched his cheek. “But you know that’s not me.”

“I know.” He looked up again and held the hand on his cheek in place. “I know you’re not, but that doesn’t make it any easier to open up when all my life I’ve had to be on guard. Too many damn times I get taken advantage of and I’m so tired of it.”

“I know you are.” I smoothed my thumb on his skin. “And I’ll do my best to make sure no one does that to you. But in order for me to do that, you have got to open up and let me in.”

He sighed and sulked, reminding me of a child who knows they’ve done wrong. “I’m sorry,” it was barely a whisper and I had to strain to hear him.

“Tell me more about him.”

He sat back. “My father?”

I nodded.

Alex let out a puff of air before he spoke, ““Even now, he still tries to contact me; even when I’ve told him to just leave me alone.”

“Really?”

“Yeah,” he nodded some and ran a hand through his hair, “he thinks that if he tries hard enough, I’ll finally give in. But we aren’t going to have a relationship, its way too late for that.”

“Why is it too late?”

“Because it is. He didn’t give a damn about me until I was famous and now he just wants to ride my coattails.”

“Why do you think he wants that?”

“Why else would he not call me until I was famous and then keep on trying to get in touch with me?”

I wasn’t trying to play devil’s advocate, no matter how it came across. “Have you asked him that?”

“Heh, and believe the bullshit he feeds me?”

“Maybe it’s the truth.”

“It’s not.”

I tilted my head some and watched him. “How do you know?”

He looked off. “I just do.”

“Okay, baby,” I reached out and rubbed his arm, just watching him for a long moment. “What are you afraid of?”

“I don’t know,” he muttered. “I guess I’m afraid that one day you’re going to realize you can do better, or you’ll wake up and feel differently about me.”

I grabbed his hand. “That’s never going to happen.”

“Yeah, and my dad promised he’d never leave my mom and look what happened.”

So that’s what it was all stemming from; his father. If I knew where the man was, I’d march over there and give him a big piece of my mind for jading his son so. “Alex, first all, I’m not your father and you’re not your mother. Second all, we make our own experiences in life, we aren’t our parents and their past isn’t our future.”

“I know that.” He rubbed his head. “But sometimes it’s hard to make myself think it, deep down inside.”

“I get it, but it’s not going to happen.” My eyes searched his face. “If I were going to leave you, or change my mind about us, I would have done it already.”

“But I’m not perfect.”

“Well, neither am I. Look at the mess I was before you came along.”

“You’re pretty damn close to it. You’re so great and amazing and wonderful and you have this great job and friends that love you to death and your family, your family is wonderful. And I’m so tainted. I’d bring you down.” He wet his bottom lip. “You could do so much better than me.”

“Then why did you get on the plane back in L.A.?”

Those hypnotizing eyes lifted to mine and I felt the twinge inside. “I had a weak moment.”

“No,” I shook my head, “No, you know that we belong together. You know that it’s our destiny.”

“What do I know about destiny?”

I rubbed the bridge of my nose and sat back. “You don’t think very highly of yourself, do you?”

“I try to.” He stood and crossed over to the French doors that lead outside onto the balcony. “But deep down, I … I don’t.”

I watched as his body sagged in defeat and it made my eyes tear up. “Baby…” I was at a loss for words, all I wanted to do was wrap him in my arms and hold him close.

“I’m such a fuck up. Everything I do eventually blows back up in my face. I can’t keep a relationship, I can’t stay sober, hell, I’m surprised I’ve managed to hang onto my success.”

“Alex,” I rose from my spot, “baby, you have to be able to love yourself. If you can’t even do that, then you can’t love other people, especially me.”

He looked back over his shoulder to me. “You don’t think I love you?”

“I think you love me the best you know how. But once you learn to accept yourself the way you are and learn to live with who you are and love who you are, then the love you have for me, and everyone else in your life, is going to be so much sweeter and more abundant.”

He sighed and turned his gaze back outside. “So, what do we do?”

But I didn’t have an answer. Instead, I just watched him with tears in my eyes and a pain in my chest. I longed to make it better for him; to fix everything and give us that relationship we both longed for, but I couldn’t. Alex was the only person that could fix this, fix himself. “I…I don’t know,” I whispered, suddenly feeling like the storm that had slowly been brewing was finally unleashing it’s power on us and we were helpless to stop it.

He turned to face me. “I want us to be together; I want it to work out.”

“That’s a start. We just have to take it a day at a time and not get ahead of ourselves.”

“I can do that.” He crossed the room and pulled me into his arms. “I’m sorry I’ve been such an ass. I’m gonna try really hard to make sure it doesn’t happen again.”

I felt myself relaxing in his embrace, a warmth spreading through me. “It’s going to work out, baby. We’re gonna be okay.”

“I hope so,” he brushed his lips over my head, “because I couldn’t handle it if we weren’t.”

Neither could I. “Promise me that you’ll try not to close yourself off again. We have to keep our communication open.”

He gave a nod and tightened his grip. “I’ll do my best.”

“That’s a start.”

“Thank you.”

I tilted my head to see his face. “For what?”

“For being everything I didn’t know I needed.”

And in that moment, I knew we were going to be okay. It might take some time, but we would be.