Howie continued to walk briskly, not caring that Kevin was in tow. All he knew was that he had to get out of that hospital and pull his thoughts together. He wasn’t himself at the moment, how could he when his best friend was fighting for his life? He’s lost too many people in his life, from his sister to his father, and even lost Alex to AJ; but unlike his father and sister, his best friend was given a second chance, and he was about to lose him again.

It wasn’t until he felt the cool breeze of the night air did he realize that he led himself and Kevin outside. He knew there was no way of escaping Kevin, even if he wanted to, so he continued to walk to let both he and Kevin to a secluded place to talk. He finally came to a stop in the dark empty part of the parking lot, located off to the side of the hospital.

Kevin stared at Howie, who had his back facing him. After a long moment of silence, Kevin took a deep breath in and sighed, “Should I ask what happened?”

“AJ was mobbed.” Howie simply replied.

“That’s… not what I’m talking about Howard.”

Just like how AJ and Nick didn’t like when people said their full name, he felt the same way. The three of them would normally wince when they heard someone say their name fully, for it normally meant one was either disappointed in them, or dead serious about something. The truth was, he knew exactly what Kevin wanted to know, he just didn’t want to talk about it at the moment.

“Then I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I’m talking about what transpired between you and Nick… why you suddenly left the room just as I was getting in? The way both you and Nick looked at that moment… I knew something had apparently went down before I got there.”

Howie refused to turn and face Kevin. “I told Nick that it was all his fault that AJ’s here in the first place.”

Kevin’s eyes widened, “What? Why the hell would you do that? This is not Nick fault and you…”

“I know that.” Howie finished off, causing Kevin’s face to contort in puzzlement. “I know that it’s not his fault Kevin, I knew it even when I said it. I told him that because it was something he wanted to hear. He was sitting there, blaming himself when I told him that he should start blaming those fuckers that did this to AJ. But still he sat there, taking blame… wanting self-pity and I wasn’t going to give it to him. You wanna know why? Because this situation isn’t about him, and he couldn’t get that through his head. Instead of sitting there, more than willing to take the blame so everyone can feel sorry for you and console you, how about getting on your knees and praying to God that AJ will be okay? I will admit, I didn’t approach and respond the way I should have, but it was all these feelings stirring up inside me that had caused me to act the way I did. I know I have to apologize to him Kevin, but not right now… AJ’s my main concern.”

“How do you feel right now D.?”

Howie sighed heavily, “I don’t know… I don’t even know.” he finally turned around to face Kevin, the dim rays of the street lights revealing welled up tears within his eyes. “I’ve lost my sister, I’ve lost my father… I can’t lose my best friend, not like this. God can’t take him away from me right now, because if He does… He would be the one I would never forgive, and I know I’d hate Him Kevin.”

“Howard.” Kevin whispered as he approached his lost friend and embraced him in a tight hug. He felt Howie grasp him back, clutching desperately as if almost afraid to let go. “You cannot lose your faith Howard. All of this is not God’s doing, and as much as I hate to say this, if Alex decides to go then that’s his decision alone. God will be there to guide him home. If Alex decides to come back to us, we gotta be there to guide him home. Do you see how this works? It’s all up to Alex right now, and all we can do is help him by praying. But whatever Alex decides to do… you do not hate God for it, you do not hate those that did this to him, you do not even hate Alex.”

Howie slightly rose his head from Kevin’s now soaked shoulder, “How do you seem okay with everything? Still composed and intact to say all the right things.”

Kevin sighed, “I’m far from okay Howie… far from it.”

Howie backed away to look into Kevin’s eyes, to hear his story.

“When I got the call… of course I was shocked, and I didn’t know what to do. Do I… drive to the hospital to see him in this condition? Do I drive to the club to figure out exactly what had happened and try to find these guys myself? Do I just stay home and wait for someone to call me with an update? Deep down inside Howie, I felt the same guilt Nick’s feeling… if only I had been there, perhaps none of this would have happened. My mind was such a mess that Kristin had just about made the decision for me and was ready to grab Mason and drive me down here to the hospital. I told her no, that I needed to go by myself and get my thoughts together. Of course she was scared of letting me go off in a car by myself, in the condition I was in, but I reassured her that everything would be okay and that I’d call her and let her know when I had arrived. The problem was, I still had no clue where I would go. I jumped into the car and just stared driving, my mind was still this jumbled mess. I honestly don’t even remember anything but driving, but my heart had guided me to where I knew I needed to be. Next thing I knew, I was sitting outside of the hospital. I called my wife, and hearing her words while sitting outside of the hospital had helped me to finally ease my racing mind and sort everything out. I had finally let go of the tears I desperately tried to pent up, and knew I had to compose myself before I walked in. I’m not okay, but I know I have to remain strong for Alex.”

Howie nodded, letting his story register within his mind. “I’m trying Kevin, I really am.”

“No one’s expecting anything from you, not even Alex. This is extremely hard for me, so I can’t even begin to imagine how hard it is for you, but… we’re all in the same boat here, so we gotta be here for one another, most importantly… we gotta be here for Alex. That’s all that matters right now man.”

Howie gave a slight smirk, “Thanks man. You always know just what to do to keep us grounded.”

Kevin smiled as well and shook his head, “No man, that’s all you, Mr. Peacekeeper… but you know, even Superman needs a break.”

Howie chuckled as they both turned to make their way back towards the hospital. “So… any word about Denise?” Kevin asked as they walked through the sliding entrance doors.

“Brian had told me that her and Tony booked the soonest flight out here.”

“Did he say anything about how she was holding up?”

Howie shrugged, “Well, of course the hospital made the call to her, so by the time Brian had got in touch with her, she was aware of the situation and he said she sounded extremely worried, as you can imagine, but seemed pretty collected.”

As they neared the private waiting room, they could hear Nick’s voice shouting from behind the closed door. Kevin sighed heavily, “What am I gonna walk into now?”

Kevin slowly opened the door to reveal Nick sitting on a chair, his head down looking at the hand he was cradling. Brian was crouched down in front of him, whispering words in hopes to comfort the torn man, but nothing seemed to work.

“It’s fucking my fault Brian… Howie was right.”

Howie stood there, guilt plaguing his heart. He didn’t mean for Nick to believe his words, he was hoping his erratic actions would do the opposite.

“He’s fucking barely alive because of me…”

“Nickolas.” Kevin called out, “Don’t say that.”

Nick immediately shot his head up, revealing red, tear-stained eyes. Without another word, he quickly rose from his chair and walked over to Howie, simply grabbing him in a tight hug. “I’m sorry Howie… I’m so fucking sorry man.”

Howie stood there in shock, his arms not cooperating with him to wrap around the weeping man. He glanced over at Kevin, who only gave him a slight nod.

“No Nick… I should be the one that’s sorry, I didn’t mean any of the things I said, I only said it because…”

“No.” Nick quickly interjected. “You’re right Howie, you’re fucking right. The doctor even said it man.”

“The doctor said what?” Howie asked as he pulled away from Nick to look him in the eyes.

Before anything could be said, the door was opened again, revealing a nurse behind it. “Excuse me, but… is everything alright?”

Kevin nodded, “Yes ma’am, sorry for any yelling you may have heard.”

“Oh, it’s just we heard this loud banging sound and wondered if anything had happened.”

Howie and Kevin immediately looked over at Nick, who was looking down sheepishly. “Nick?” Kevin asked in a warning tone, for the first time being able to see how swollen Nick’s right hand was, the skin on his knuckles torn open and bleeding.

Howie glanced around the room and saw the gaping hole in the wall, something they had not seen upon walking into the room. The nurse looked over at Nick’s hand as well, “Would you like me to take care of that sir?”

“No, I’m fine.” Nick abruptly replied, turning to walk back towards Brian, as if he would protect him.

“Nick, you’re not fine, your hand looks broken. Just let her take a look at it.”

“I said I’m fucking fine, it doesn’t hurt.”

“I’m not asking you no more, I’m telling you. Do not make me repeat myself Nickolas.”

Nick growled low in his throat as he briskly walked past everyone, walking right out of the room. “If he gives you a hard time, which he knows better, just let me know and we’ll pay for the damages.” Kevin whispered to the nurse before she followed Nick out.

Once the door closed and everything was settled into silence, both Howie and Kevin turned to look at Brian, who was now sitting in a chair, head in his hands.

“What happened now?” Kevin asked.

Brian looked up from his hands and sighed, “AJ’s doctor came in not long before ya’ll came back.”

“And?” Howie questioned anxiously.

“Well, at first she said she couldn’t tell us anything because she had to speak with immediate family first. But after pleading to at least get something out of her, if should could tell me if he was still here or not, she finally broke down and told me barely.”

Kevin immediately turned to look at Howie, who had his eyes clenched closed, biting his lower lip to keep his emotions in check. Brian continued, “Of course Nick reacted towards the news and ended up punching the wall. I tried calming him down, and that’s when you guys walked in.”

“So, I’m guessing we’re not finding out anything else nor are we going to be able to see him until Denise gets here, huh?” Kevin questioned.

Brian nodded, “You guessed right.” With a sigh, he rose from his seat. “I’m gonna head over to the nearest hotel and rent us out a room… we’re gonna be here for a while.”

“Do you want me to go with you?” Kevin asked, looking his younger cousin over and contemplating if he should let him go alone or not.

Brian looked up at Kevin and gave a small grin, his eyes looking distant and weary. “I’ll be fine, just need to give myself time to let this all… register, you know? I’ll be back though.” and with that, he left the room.

Kevin looked over at Howie, “Do you think it was a good idea that I let him off by himself? He didn’t look to be in the best condition to be driving.”

Howie shook his head, “We all need a moment to ourselves Kevin, this is so… surreal to us that we need to find a way to let this all register within our minds, and being by ourselves is the only way for us to rationally gather our thoughts and ourselves together. I’ve had my moment, you’ve had your moment, even Nick’s had his moment… poor Brian has been here, had talked to Denise, had to deal with me and Nick’s little fallout, and now had to try and settle Nick. It’s all just slowly wearing him down and he’s trying so hard to remain strong for the sake of us and AJ.”

Kevin nodded, finding what Howie was saying to make sense. “Can’t help than to be worried about you all.”

“Yeah, especially your cousin. I would just love to know… what keeps the two Kentucky cousins strong through all of this?”

“Faith and AJ.” Kevin simply replied. “Faith in God, that He will bring us all through this and like I said, just remaining strong for AJ and believing and praying that he will pull through. There are things in this world that’ll test your endurance, your strength, your belief, your faith… and although we struggle and lose sight for a moment, we eventually prevail and realize this is a test we do not want to fail, we will not fail.”

Howie grinned and shook his head, “You never cease to amaze me Kevin.”

“What?”

“Just… thank you.”

Before Kevin could say anything, Nick walked through the door and entered the room, a full on black cast that ran from his forearm down to his hand.

“What’s the verdict on that?” Kevin asked as he pointed to Nick’s injured hand.

“A small fracture in the wrist and broke three of my knuckles. They were able to determine this without doing an x-ray, don’t ask me how.” Nick replied as he walked further into the room and sat himself down on a chair.

“Well, they are doctors Nick… I think they know a fractured wrist and broken knuckles when they see it, besides they spared you a hospital bill.” Howie said.

Nick sighed, “I know, but… was this freaking cast really necessary? They just put the damn thing on and already the cast is making my arm itchy.” he said through gritted teeth as he desperately tried to scratch the flesh covered by the offending cast. “I seriously hate casts.”

“Well, as soon as Brian gets back, you’ll have a bed you can flop down on and just fall asleep to help take your mind off the itching.” Kevin said as he watched the younger man tried to take the cast off. “Leave it alone Nick.”

Nick huffed and did as he was told, “What do you mean? Where did Brian go?”

“He went to rent out a room at the hotel down the street. By the looks of things, Denise won’t be here until tomorrow, and there’s really nothing the doctors can do for us or say to us until Denise gets here, so we might as well just stay in a room nearest to the hospital.”

“Well, you guys can go because I’m not going anywhere… I’m staying here.”

“Nick, you staying here isn’t gonna convince the doctors to let you see AJ, there’s nothing they can do for us until Denise gets in tomorrow. We’ll be back here first thing tomorrow morning, I promise.”

“I’m not staying here so the doctors can pity me, I’m staying here because this is where AJ is and this is where I need to be. I don’t expect you to understand my decision, but I at least ask you to respect it.”

Kevin glanced around the room, “Where are you even gonna sleep?”

“I’ll sleep in these chairs for all I care.” Nick simply replied. “All I know is that I’m not leaving this hospital.”

Kevin didn’t want to fight with Nick, but at the same time he really didn’t want Nick to stay here. “You’re gonna wake up with the worse stiff neck ever.”

“I don’t care.”

Kevin stared long and hard at Nick, seeing that he was determined to stay here, no matter what anyone said or did, no matter what painful consequences he’ll be facing later. When he glanced over at Howie, he gave him a slight nod. “Alright man… well, if you need anything, just give us a call. We’re gonna go outside and wait for Bri.”

Nick nodded, “Night guys.”

When the door closed, Nick glanced around at the now large, empty waiting room, suddenly hating the silence. He looked down at the large, black cast that encased his right hand and forearm. There was a dull ache that was coursing through his right hand, but he smiled at the thought of how AJ would be the first one to bug him to sign his cast. He could see AJ buying a silver sharpie and drawing a bunch of skulls all over his black cast.

“You’ll be the first one to sign my cast buddy… I’ll be waiting for you.”