And so it was, that, while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered. And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn.
And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them, and they were sore afraid. And the angel said unto them, “Fear not, for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you; ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.”
And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying, “Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.” (Luke 2: 6-14)
Glory to God, indeed! Please watch over my family, Father, for we need Your helping hand to guide us. I have faith that our baby will be brought safely into this world. If Mary could do it, so can my wife – right? I’ll never know what You have planned for us, but I pray that, whatever happens, You’ll be with us.
Friday, August 9, 2013
Week Sixty-Eight
It must have been after midnight, but Brian lay awake, like he had so many other nights, listening to Gretchen’s soft snoring. He had never noticed that Gretchen snored before she was pregnant, but he didn’t mind it; it helped drown out the distant moans of the undead. It was comforting, too. The steady snores served as a reminder that she was still alive, still breathing. Lately, it was the only thing that could soothe him to sleep. Even then, his sleep was hardly restful. He was plagued with nightmares, haunted by memories of waking up to find his family dead. Now whenever he woke, he would find himself drenched in sweat and filled with dread, fearing the same had happened to his new wife and the baby inside her belly. The sound of Gretchen’s snoring was a welcomed relief.
He turned toward her, glad that she, at least, was getting some rest. Gretchen had an even harder time sleeping than he did these days. Just looking at her, it wasn’t difficult to see why. A sliver of moonlight streamed through the open window, illuminating the silhouette of her sloping belly. She had gotten so big that it was impossible for her to find a comfortable position. Although he couldn’t sleep, he didn’t dare get up for fear of disturbing her. He knew if he woke her up, she’d never get back to sleep, and she needed the rest. By their calculations, she was due to deliver any day.
Brian remembered the excitement he and Leighanne had felt in the days leading up to the twins’ birth, as they put the finishing touches on the nursery, talked about names, took childbirth classes, and toured the maternity ward where their babies would be born. They’d been nervous, of course, about the prospect of becoming parents, but their eagerness to begin the journey far outweighed any fear they’d had about the road ahead.
It was different this time. There was no nursery to decorate, only a makeshift crib made from a pair of deconstructed milk crates. There were no classes to help them prepare, no hospital to help bring their baby safely into the world. Without Jo or Martin, there was only Selena, whose pharmaceutical training hadn’t prepared her to deliver babies, and Kwak In-Su, who was more mad scientist than medical doctor. They had both been researching childbirth techniques, but Brian knew that if there were any complications, he could lose both Gretchen and the baby. He had purposely avoided discussing names this time, not wanting to get too attached to a child whose chances of survival in this world were slim.
“Women have been giving birth on their own since the dawn of mankind. We’ll be fine,” Gretchen would say, but despite her reassurances, Brian knew she was as scared as he was. For her, it would be a brand new experience. He, at least, had some firsthand experience to fall back on, but since Leighanne had given birth by Cesarean section, he hadn’t seen her all the way through labor and delivery. In Gretchen’s case, a C-section would be the last resort, a chance of sparing the baby’s life if its mother’s could not be saved. He knew she couldn’t survive being cut open under these conditions.
And so, Brian lay awake, praying that when the time came, all would go well.
Eventually, his eyelids grew heavy, and he rolled over, relaxing into a light sleep.
Suddenly, the mattress moved. Brian rolled over and opened his eyes.
Leighanne was looking back at him.
He gasped and sat up, blinking in shock. Surely, his tired eyes were just playing tricks on him. He looked again. No… he wasn’t just seeing things. Leighanne was lying there beside him. Her eyes were open. Only they didn’t look like her eyes. Even in the dim light, he could see that they were vacant and cloudy, no longer blue. He looked away with a shudder and released the breath that had caught in his throat.
Just a spasm of some sort. Nothing to get upset over. He swallowed hard and forced himself to look back, extending his thumb and forefinger to close her eyes again. He wanted to remember them the way they had been in life: vivid blue, like the sky on a clear day, sparkling along with her smile. A lump of sadness clogged his throat once more, as he realized he would never see her smile again.
He reached out to touch her face…
In a violent thrash of covers, he saw her arm fly up off the bed. Her hand, stiff and hooked like claws, latched onto his wrist in a grip that was shockingly strong. He cried out in disbelief and horror as his dead wife raised her head from the pillows, an animalistic growl expelling from her chest. Instinctively, he tried to pull away, as her vice-like grip wrenched his arm towards her mouth, which was wide open, her teeth bared. He struggled and finally yanked away from her grasp, falling backwards off the bed with the force of the pull.
He got quickly to his hands and knees, then scrambled to his feet. He wasn’t able to think clearly, as adrenaline took over his body, but somewhere in the back of his mind, the voice of reason seemed to say, This is a nightmare. This has to be a nightmare. Wake up! Why won’t you wake up?
“Wake up… Brian, wake up!”
Brian’s eyes flew open. He was bewildered to find himself lying on the stone floor beside the mattress he shared with Gretchen. She was leaning over him, her hand on his shoulder.
“S-sorry,” he stammered, as he came to his senses, realizing he had tried to shake her off in the throes of his nightmare. “You okay?”
“Are you?” she countered, her eyes wide with concern.
“Yeah… just another-”
“Nightmare?” she supplied sympathetically, and he nodded. “I know. I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry,” he apologized. “Did I wake you?”
“Not at all. I was trying to wake you.” Though the look of fear hadn’t left her eyes, she suddenly smiled. “I think it’s time.”
“Time?” Brian repeated, his heart leaping back into his throat.
“I’m pretty sure I’m in labor. I was having some cramps before bed, nothing major, but they’ve gotten a lot stronger, strong enough to wake me up.”
“Contractions?”
She bit down on her bottom lip and nodded. “I think so. I tried to time them for awhile before I woke you up. They’re coming every ten minutes or so.”
“Sounds like contractions,” he agreed, though he couldn’t relate to what she must have been feeling. “Should we get Selena?”
“No need. I’m up,” said a weary voice. Brian looked over and saw Selena sitting up on her pallet in the corner. “How could you possibly expect me to sleep through your bloody screaming?”
He looked at Gretchen in horror. “Was I that bad?”
She bit her lip again, suppressing a smile. “You may have freaked out just a little.”
Brian sighed. “Sorry, everyone.”
Those whom he’d woken grunted their forgiveness. “Is Gretchen really in labor?” a small voice called out in excitement.
“Early labor, Gabby,” Gretchen called back. “It’ll be awhile yet. Go back to sleep.”
Brian shook his head. This was one of the many disadvantages to sleeping in close quarters. There were no secrets, no privacy; everyone heard everything. He’d put up with it during the winter, when most of the group had huddled in one chamber for warmth. But in the height of summer, there was really no need to be so close together. He knew it made some of them feel safer to stay in the same room, but when the baby arrived, he and Gretchen would spread out, find their own space to sleep in and spare the others the sound of the baby’s cries. Hopefully by the time the temperature dropped again, the baby would start sleeping through the night. Assuming it survived that long.
With a shudder, Brian tried to shake off such thoughts. Now was not the time for negativity. He had to stay positive and be strong for Gretchen. She needed him now, more than ever.
***
“Push!” Selena barked, as Gretchen cried out with the pain of another contraction. She’d been pushing for over an hour already, and her strength was sapped. Brian could feel it in the pressure she put on his hand. When she’d first started to push, Gretchen had squeezed it so hard, he feared he might lose his fingers. Between contractions, she’d offered a sheepish smile and apologized for cutting off his circulation. Now her grip was so weak, his fingers kept slipping out of her sweaty hand. The contractions were coming so close together now, she had no time to rest in between, and without the strength left to smile, she could only cry.
“Stop that!” snapped Selena, as tears mixed with the sweat dripping down Gretchen’s face. “Don’t waste your energy crying. Push, damn it!”
Gretchen gritted her teeth, grunting with exertion. Brian wiped her forehead with a wet cloth, wishing he could do more. His wife’s labor had lasted all day, finally progressing to the point where Selena thought she should start pushing around sundown. As dusk fell, the temperature outside dropped, but it was still stifling hot inside the darkening castle, where Selena had been forced to light candles to see what she was doing inside the makeshift birthing chamber. The heat from their flames only added to Gretchen’s discomfort.
“Come on, love, keep pushing!” coached Abby, who was down at the end of the bed, gripping one of Gretchen’s feet. Riley was on the other side, holding down the other one, while Brian stayed at the head of the bed, holding her hand. He tried to soothe her as the women shouted directions, their voices growing more and more shrill. He could sense that even Selena, who was usually so self-assured, was feeling the stress of the situation. Gretchen was giving it all she had left, her back arching above the mattress with the effort of pushing, but still, the baby seemed to be stuck inside the birth canal.
When the contraction ended, Gretchen flopped back down onto the mattress, breathing raggedly. Brian moved to the foot of the bed, where Selena and In-Su were working in tandem. “Is something wrong?” he asked them in a hushed voice, not wanting to worry Gretchen. “Why is it taking so long?”
“Babies take time,” said In-Su in his soft, Korean accent. “Be patient. It will come when it is ready.”
Brian looked at Selena, who seemed less certain. He could see the apprehension in her eyes. “I don’t know how much more of this she can take,” he whispered, glancing at Gretchen. “She’s exhausted.”
“I wish there was something more I could give her, but I can’t this close to delivery,” said Selena. “It’s not safe for the baby.”
He sighed, feeling frustrated and helpless. He was glad he’d never had to see Leighanne in this kind of pain when she gave birth to the twins, but now he wished, for Gretchen’s sake, that he had – maybe it would have better prepared him, equipped him with some idea of how to help her. When the next contraction hit, all he could do was return to her side and take her hand again, hoping it would be for the last time.
“Push!” Selena screamed, as Gretchen squeezed her eyes shut and bore down. “That’s it. I think I see the head!”
“Really?” gasped Gretchen, her eyes popping open.
“Yes… yes, I can feel its hair!” Selena laughed, looking relieved. “Keep pushing; you’re almost there!”
“You hear that?” Brian asked, rubbing the back of her hand. “Almost there.”
“You’re doing great, Gretchen, keep going!” Riley chimed in.
The added encouragement seemed to give Gretchen one last burst of energy. With a groan that rivaled that of the ghouls outside, she gripped Brian’s hand and the side of the bed and pushed with all her might.
“The head’s out!” Selena cried, and Brian couldn’t help it; he had to look. Sneaking a peek beneath the blanket they’d draped over Gretchen’s knees, he saw a sleek head of hair, a scrunched-up face, and a small nose, and his breath caught in his throat.
For a few seconds, he could scarcely breathe, let alone speak, but finally, he whispered, “Incredible.” There were no other words to describe what he was seeing, what he was feeling, the miracle that was occurring in their midst. “I wish you could see this, Gretch.”
He looked back at his wife just in time to see her eyes roll back into her head. “Gretchen?” he shouted, as her chin slumped to her chest. Her grip on his hand had slackened, and he watched with dismay as her hand slipped out of his and fell limply at her side. “Something’s wrong!” he alerted Selena. “What happened to her?”
Selena shoved him aside and took Gretchen’s wrist to check her pulse. “She’s just blacked out, probably from the pain. Her pulse is pounding.” She roughly rubbed the back of Gretchen’s hand. “Wake up, Gretchen. Come on now.” When that didn’t work, she slapped Gretchen’s cheek. “I said, wake up!”
“What are you doing?!” Brian protested, pushing Selena away from his wife. “Don’t hit her!”
“Fine, then you wake her! Splash some water on her face; do whatever it takes to bring her ‘round. We need her conscious to deliver the rest of this baby – otherwise, it’ll suffocate. Unless you want your baby to die, you’d better wake her the fuck up!”
Frantically, Brian plunged the washcloth he’d been using to mop Gretchen’s brow back into the basin of water. Without bothering to wring it out, he wiped it over Gretchen’s face, wetting her cheeks and forehead. “C’mon, honey,” he whispered. “Wake up now.”
Gretchen’s eyelids fluttered open, and she looked up at him in confusion. “Is it over?” she asked groggily.
“Almost.” He smoothed her sweat-soaked hair back from her forehead. “One more big push should do it. You ready?”
She nodded, crying out in agony as the next contraction hit. “Push!” chanted her chorus of supporters, and as she pushed, Brian saw his baby’s body slide out into Selena’s hands.
“It’s a girl,” Selena said grimly as she flipped the baby over, scooping it into her arms.
“Did you hear that? Another girl…” murmured Brian. Tears blurred his vision as he watched Selena suction the baby’s mouth and nose with a small bulb syringe. He remembering being in the operating room with Leighanne and seeing each of his twin daughters for the first time. The third time wasn’t any less momentous. Under the extreme circumstances they’d faced, it was maybe even more so. Overcome with emotion, he let the tears – tears of joy, tears of heartache – trickle down his face.
Then Gretchen said, “I don’t hear her. Why can’t I hear her crying?”
The others exchanged worried glances, as Selena looked up. Through his tears, Brian could see the shaken expression upon her face. “She’s not breathing.”
Panic set in. “Give her here,” demanded Brian, wrenching his infant daughter out of Selena’s arms. Her body felt feather-light and limp, almost lifeless. He lay her flat across the foot of the bed, barely taking in the bluish tone of her floppy arms and legs as he lowered his face to hers and breathed into her tiny mouth and nose. He could taste blood as he pulled back to watch her narrow chest rise. It was as if he had entered one of his nightmares. “Not again,” he whispered, remembering the way he had breathed for Bonnie, pumping her chest until her ribs cracked under the pressure of his hands. “Please…” He couldn’t lose another daughter, not like this. “Please…”
The night he’d lost his family, there had been no one to hear his desperate pleas. But this time, his prayers were answered. With a faint cough, the baby expelled the fluid left in her lungs and took her first breath of air. Crying with relief, Brian watched her tiny chest expand, listening to the air rattle in and out of her lungs as she threw back her head and started wailing. It was the most blessed sound Brian had ever heard.
“Can you hear her now?” he asked, glancing back at Gretchen.
She looked exhausted, but she was smiling. “I hear her.”
***
It was close to midnight, and something evil was lurking in the dark. Under the moonlight, a horde of zombies had amassed on the bridge outside the main entrance to the castle, eagerly awaiting their turn to meet the newborn baby. Brian could smell their stench through the windows and hear them moaning outside the stone walls.
“They had to have heard all that screaming,” Selena said afterwards, when AJ came to tell her they had visitors. “Or smelled the blood. Here, why don’t you throw them a bit of placenta?”
“Stop,” said Brian, as AJ jumped back, revolted. Selena just rolled her eyes, balling up the bloody sheet on which Gretchen had given birth.
“Dude, that is sick! Good thing I never knocked up a chick – as far as I know, anyway.” AJ chuckled.
“Like any self-respecting woman would want to have your baby,” Selena sniffed.
“She wouldn’t have much of a choice these days, sweetheart,” AJ shot back.
The two of them bickered back and forth for awhile, their favorite form of flirting. Brian tried his best to tune them out. Everyone was exhausted. He had been awake for almost twenty-four hours, too wired to sleep.
While the others drifted off to bed, leaving AJ and Kevin to keep an eye on the undead, Brian sat up with Gretchen, watching her sleep. He was glad she, at least, was finally getting some rest. As he rocked his baby daughter slowly back and forth, he could feel his body starting to relax. His arms felt heavy, and his eyelids drooped, but he fought against the fatigue, wanting to be there when Gretchen woke up.
She had been out for several hours before she finally stirred. “Hey there,” said Brian softly, as she struggled to open her eyes. “How ya feelin’?”
Gretchen groaned. “Like I just had my insides ripped out.”
“And here she is,” replied Brian with a grin, holding up the baby for her to see.
Gretchen smiled tiredly. “She’s beautiful. Is she all right?”
“She’s perfect,” Brian assured her. “You wanna hold her?”
Gretchen nodded, and he helped her prop herself up in bed. She moved gingerly, grimacing with pain. “What happened to me?” she wondered.
“It was pretty scary for awhile there,” he admitted. “You blacked out during the delivery – do you remember? And you lost a lot of blood delivering the placenta. Your blood pressure dropped, and you passed out again. We weren’t sure what was gonna happen, but Selena stopped the bleeding eventually.”
“It was the same way after my miscarriage,” she said quietly. “I lost so much blood, I had to have a transfusion.”
“Thank God you did, or you wouldn’t be here today.” They smiled, grateful for the connection they shared, the bond of blood that had given them both immunity to the virus. Brian prayed they had passed the same antibodies along to their daughter. “Here,” he said, handing her to Gretchen. “Time for our baby girl to meet her mama.”
Gretchen beamed down at the little bundle in her arms. The stress her body had been under had stained dark circles under her eyes, but her happiness gave her a warm glow that lit up her whole face. She looked haggard, but beautiful. “What are we going to call her?” she wanted to know.
Finally, the time had come to talk about names. It was an astonishingly short discussion. “I think we should call her Evette,” Brian suggested. “Like a little Eve… the first woman born in the new world.”
Gretchen smiled as she was struck by the Biblical significance. “Evette,” she repeated, testing the name on her tongue. “I like it.”
“Evette it is, then.” Brian bent down and kissed the baby on her forehead. Her skin was silky smooth, her hair feathery soft. Gretchen’s lips were dry and cracked by comparison, but he kissed them, too. “I’m proud of you,” he told her. “I can’t imagine how painful that must have been, but you pushed through it.”
“Literally,” added Gretchen.
He grinned. “Literally. You’re amazing.”
“I couldn’t have done it without you.”
“Literally,” echoed Brian, and she laughed. He stood up, stretching his arms above his head. “Listen, why don’t you enjoy some time with Evette? I’ve had her to myself all night. I’m gonna get some air. I won’t be long.”
“Okay,” Gretchen agreed. As he walked away, Brian could hear her cooing, “Hi, Evette... It’s Mommy…”
Smiling to himself, he made his way to the top of the North tower, where Kevin and AJ were keeping watch. “Hey cous, congratulations,” said Kevin, slinging an arm around Brian’s shoulders. “How’s the little one?”
“Evette is doing great. Gretchen’s got her now.”
“Evette? Cool name,” said AJ, after Brian had explained its significance. “So how come you’re up here instead of chilling with your wife and kid?”
“I just needed some fresh air. I’ve been cooped up inside the castle all day long.”
“Ah. Well, enjoy.” AJ swept his hand toward the open window. “The air’s not exactly ‘fresh,’ though.”
Far from it, the air was ripe with the smell of rotting flesh. Brian wrinkled his nose. “I know.” He sighed. “Do you think Evette will ever know what fresh air really smells like?”
“Someday, she will,” said Kevin. “Someday, all these dead bodies will have rotted away. I mean, look how badly they’re decaying now. Then we’ll have fresh air and fertile soil. And we won’t have to worry about zombies anymore. We’ll be able to start over, rebuild society.”
Brian looked out the window, past the pack of zombies, toward the rolling meadows and hills that lay beyond. “You really think they’ll all be gone someday?” It seemed like wishful thinking, but then, he’d already witnessed one of his wishes coming true that day.
“I do,” Kevin reaffirmed. “Someday soon.”
And what then? Brian wondered. Would they continue to live in the castle, which had been their safe haven for the last few months? Or would they spread out? Move on? Where would they go?
What would life be like for Evette, growing up in this post-apocalyptic world? It was a question Brian had tried to avoid dwelling on during Gretchen’s pregnancy, knowing that his child might not make it to adulthood. He wasn’t even sure she’d make it out of the womb. But now that he’d welcomed his daughter into the world, he had to wonder, what did the future have in store for his new family?
Fear of the unknown had kept him awake at night, as he lay in bed imagining all the worst-case scenarios, dreading the likelihood of losing the woman he loved and their child all over again. After Evette arrived safely, he’d felt as if the weight of the world had been lifted off his shoulders. And now, his cousin’s words had given him something new to think about. Although he was still exhausted, Brian felt much better. Far from fearful, he felt… hopeful.
It was a welcomed relief to crawl back into bed beside Gretchen, safe in the knowledge that his wife and daughter were both alive and well. If not for the infant crying from her makeshift crib in the night, he would have slept soundly.
