Moving on.
We need to leave and get out of here. It was a nice break, but it’s time to go home. Honestly, our group has probably brought nothing but more death and shit than these poor suckers had before we showed up. They’re nice, and I’m– well, Selena’s a badass chick. But the rest of them aren’t family. Except maybe her. She’s the one I’m not so keen on leaving behind.
This just ain’t home. May take us forever to fix the base or clear it out. Get the power back on and use what’s left of it. But we’ll be happier doing that shit than having it safe and easy here. It’s good knowing there’s other people out there. Even beyond Europe. One day we’ll probably have to go find them. Hell, for Gabby’s sake or maybe for Brian’s kid. But this ain’t home, and it never was. I think the others know that.
Home is that place where everything is supposed to make sense. A place where everything feels right and you’re surrounded by people you’d give up your life for. Sometime after the dead fucking rose, I found one for the first time in years. It was comforting, and I want it back. Dead swarming the place like ants or not, we’ll find a way. And hell, I ain’t in the mood to deal with all the snow and shit being here’s gonna force on us. Fuck that.
Sometimes you gotta leave everything behind to realize what home is.
Monday, September 30, 2013
Week Seventy-Six
It was on a supply raid with Kevin and Nick that the thought occurred to him. Despite the events of his last raid, he found he couldn’t stay in the castle for too long. Too much time to think. And that was simply a bad idea all around. Then again, sometimes he liked getting Selena alone in the castle, but given everyone there, that was a lot easier said than done. Something was always happening, whether it was the baby’s cries attracting the undead around the outside of the castle, or Gabby wandering the halls when she couldn’t sleep. He’d hear her nightmares sometimes, and Kevin get up soon after to help calm his surrogate daughter. Nightmares were still something all too common in a world dominated by the still-walking dead.
AJ took a deep breath as he followed Nick, with the determination to focus on better things. It was a skill he had never really possessed, but he could at least try.
The blonde was going over to some zombies that they’d taken out earlier. The bodies had become completely unrecognizable, more skin and bone than flesh. But it was clear he was looking for something in particular. A brow rose as he got closer to him, while Kevin was doing what they actually came for, which was gathering up more baby supplies, like diapers and formula. Gretchen was breast-feeding, but they all felt better at the idea of having backup supplies, just in case. Nick was kneeled down with a rotted hand in his grip as he smiled softly.
“Dude, what the fuck are you doing? Do you and Riley have some zombie fetish none of us know about?” AJ teased him with a smirk.
Nick laughed, grinning at him. “I’m trying to pick out a ring, you sicko. It’s not like I can just go to the nearest Tiffany’s and have it wrapped up in a box for me.”
That caused Kevin to turn his head, a smile slowly growing on the older man’s face. “You’re looking for a ring for Riley?”
Nick ducked his head as he examined the dead hand he still held. “Yeah. I think I’ve had too many close calls, and, ya know, I love her, so… I wanna do it.”
Nick said it so casually, but as AJ observed him, his gun in hand, he could see this was something he’d been mulling over for a long time. He smirked. Probably since Gretchen and Brian’s wedding, if he had to bet on it. “Love in the apocalypse, where cutting a ring off a corpse is suddenly romantic.” He snickered at Nick. “You’re a goddamn Hallmark card, kid.”
“Shut up,” Nick said with a laugh.
“I’m sure she’ll love hearing how you shopped for it.”
“What about you and Selena?”
That caused the former addict to turn, raising a brow at the eldest of them as he bagged up more supplies they’d need. “What about her?”
“If we decide to go back to Florida for the winter…” Hmm, so it hadn’t just been AJ thinking about the idea. That was a rarity. He knew his ideas tended to typically be outside the rest of everyone else’s. “Are you going to ask her to come with us?”
A fair enough question.
“You really think she’d want to leave this place with us?” he asked instead, uncharacteristically avoiding the question.
Nick fought to get the lovely ring off the putrefied finger. “Why not? Hell, she talks to you the most, man. I think you’re the only one she actually likes.”
“When are we gonna go?”
Kevin packed away some extra supplies and nodded, shouldering the duffel bag after zipping it up. “We’re going to be leaving in no more than three weeks if we decide to do it. Better to go now, before we get hit with an early snowfall. If we’re lucky, we’ll have missed the hurricanes.”
It was still weird sometimes how easily weather could screw up everything, without the technology of the world before to shelter them and keep them alive. And AJ had this feeling, dark as it was, that even if they returned to Europe someday (which felt likely, given Gabby’s closeness to Callum), they wouldn’t see some of their new allies ever again. That was why, yes, he wanted to ask Selena to come back with them. He’d grown used to her sharp wit and sometimes cold ways of seeing the world. She made him laugh, and, hell, she made him feel normal. When he woke up in the morning, he found himself happy to see her lying beside him, as she had been in recent weeks. AJ wanted to go back to Florida and wouldn’t be sorry to see this castle go, but he’d be sorry to see her go.
“You think anyone else will want to come back with us?” he heard Nick say as he tuned back into their conversation, pretending he was rummaging through some drawers rather than letting his mind wander. He found some toys and tucked them into his sack. The kid needed toys, too, not just food and clothes.
“I haven’t asked yet, but for them, this is home. I don’t think they will,” Kevin replied. “I think we’ve gotten everything we can from here.”
AJ nodded, smiling some as Nick tucked the ring he’d found in his pocket and followed their leader towards the door. “Do you have a plan on how you’re popping the question?”
The blonde grinned. “I think I’m gonna wing it. I don’t think there’s a big way to ask anymore. Any idea how you’re asking Selena to stay?”
He simply shrugged. Honestly, he didn’t have the slightest clue. “Let’s go case the next house.”
“After that, I think we can call it a day, and…” Kevin trailed off as a soft sound could be heard from the upstairs. It caused all three men to pause simply because it wasn’t the ever constant moaning of the undead that had long ago become the soundtrack of their lives. It was quieter, gentler and helpless.
“I’m gonna go check it out,” Nick announced, continuing before either of them could get a word in edgewise. “Don’t worry. I ain’t about to drop or get eaten.” He grinned. “Whatever it is sounds alive.”
And nonthreatening – that’s why Kevin’s letting you go up alone, AJ mused, though he knew he didn’t have much room to talk, given his bad leg. But with Brian out of the picture due to his cousin insisting he stay back for his baby, there weren’t a load of options for runs. There was Shaun, he supposed, but he wasn’t the most reliable. Selena was getting some rest, as she’d pulled the graveyard guard shift, and Riley had chosen to stay behind. She didn’t say why, but AJ had caught her furtive glance to Nick that explained it all. There was always Lucio, but he was helping Callum do something or other. Kevin hadn’t even tried to ask the other group, actually. In a way, he wondered if the Europeans cursed the day the Americans had arrived at their base. Their small group had seemed to go down, one by one. Martin, Alistair, Giorgio, Ashton – almost half their people. It was a tragic reminder how lucky they had been to have only lost Jo and Kayleigh, despite all their close calls.
The old him would have thought his group was a curse to others, he realized.
Once he was done watching Nick go upstairs, he turned back towards the former military man. “We should have a meeting, be sure we’re all on the same page on going back.” He smirked. “Just us though, the family. Then if the Euros want to join in, they can.”
“That’s what I was thinking,” Kevin said, running a hand through his dark hair, though for a moment AJ thought he spotted a few strands of grey. “I’m not sure how Bri and Gretch will feel cause of Eve, but I think this is the right move.” There was something very telling in his expression, a knowing one.
AJ agreed with him fully, but he had a hunch their reasons differed as to why. “Same here, and we’ll come back someday anyway cause of the kids and shit.”
Kevin smiled, his jade eyes shifting upwards at the ceiling, as if looking for any signs of Nick collapsing or a struggle. The silence was calming. “Not for you, though. Just the kids.”
AJ rolled his eyes good-naturedly. “Heh, nope.”
Mainly because he couldn’t imagine Selena saying no – or so he hoped.
Nick came back down only a few minutes later, a shit-eating grin having lit up his face. “I found the intruder. The most dangerous thing ever.” His hands came from around his back, and within them was a small kitten. It was white all over, though covered in grime, except for a small black bit of fur around its eye that resembled a pirate’s patch. The two men couldn’t help but laugh. It was nice seeing their fears not realized for a change.
“If that’s it, let’s get out of here.”
“Yeah, put it down unless it’s gonna be part of dinner,” AJ teased.
“Hell no! He’s coming with us.” Nick opened up an outer pocket in the duffel bag slung over his shoulder and tucked the little animal inside. Its furry head popped out with a tiny mew and watched them with big blue eyes. “I think something happen to his mom.”
Kevin seemed to debate him, but AJ knew it’d be a losing battle, remembering Spunky. It seemed like his friend realized it as well because, instead, he simply shook his head and headed outside, fighting back a smile. “C’mon.”
“Maybe I’ll call it The Governor…”
AJ snorted, immediately catching the reference. “What if it’s a girl, dumbass?”
“I don’t know yet.”
“Why the Governor?”
An overdramatic sigh followed. “Never mind, Kevy, never mind.”
***
After the meeting, the sun was starting to set, and AJ was wandering the castle. He’d thought about sniping for bit, but decided against it for once. The discussion had gone pretty much as expected. Barring the obvious concerns about the baby being ready for travel and keeping her safe, everyone else felt the same yearning to return to MacDill. That was home. Not to mention, Kevin’s theories made a lot of sense. Zombies here were different; they decayed differently. And if he was right on what that could mean, there was plenty of reason to hope.
AJ had a destination in mind as he kept walking. As time went by, his limp had lessened, but he knew it would never fully leave. And the thought hadn’t been one to drive him back to the bottle. He knew why that was, but he’d never say it aloud. Not yet. Right now, he enjoyed his stroll, feeling a need to take his time. To enjoy the view while he could. He’d always appreciated the castle’s worn down beauty, an artist’s dream really. And he didn’t feel so jaded anymore. If he still drank, the thought would’ve been pretty sobering.
As he passed the great chambers, he could spy Selena on the other side, not too far from where Nick and Riley, who thought they were alone. Nick was showing her the kitten. Riley’s face lit up at the sight of something small and adorable managing to survive in this world. She held it close and grinned. “Nick, she’s so cute!”
“I couldn’t leave it behind. Consider it our first kid – wait she’s a girl? Damn, I only had a boy’s name.”
She laughed. “Call her Lucky in honor of you.”
Nick stuck his tongue out at her while the kitten mewed happily. “She seems to like it. Check out the collar; I convinced Kevin to raid one more place so I can find a few things.”
“It’s nice and…” Her voice grew soft when her eyes spotted the engagement ring Nick had gotten from their raid earlier. AJ couldn’t help but smirk a little. He had to give the kid points for originality, even in the zombie apocalypse. “Nick, is this…?”
Taking the kitten and getting the ring from her collar, he took her hand in hers. “Yeah, it is. I know I should’ve asked sooner. This world doesn’t give you many chances, and you know I can’t promise you how long but… will you? Marry me?”
“Of course I will!”
Just as Riley pulled Nick into her arms for a kiss, a tap on his shoulder caused AJ to jerk with surprise. Selena smirked, crossing her arms over her chest. He hadn’t even noticed her head over. “It’s not polite to eavesdrop.”
He smirked, walking away with her to give the lovers a private moment. “I was on my way to find you, actually.”
“Should I feel honored?”
“Fuck yeah, I chose you over killing ghouls.”
She grinned, blowing a wild lock of hair out of her face. “I need to cut this again, makes it too easy for things to grab.”
Once the two reached the tower, AJ leaned against the window opening, gazing out onto the fields, watching the dead roam. “We’re heading back to Florida, you know.”
“After it got overrun?”
“We’re crazy assholes, I know. But Kevin’s got a theory, and we think it’s right. If not, hell, we’ll find another place.”
Her big brown eyes softened as she moved beside him, glancing at him before shifting away. “That sounds oddly optimistic, especially for you.”
“I know. I ain’t used to it yet,” he replied with a chuckle. Silence fell between them. He couldn’t find the words. Why was he chickening out? Was he really afraid Selena was going to say no? AJ knew he could stay if he wanted to. But… he didn’t want that either.
“Really AJ, are you going to piss around like a wanker, or ask me to join you?” she asked pointedly.
He blinked, grinning as he tilted down his shades. “You really want to come, even though we’re crazy and suicidal to try?”
Selena rolled her eyes and leaned over, giving him a feathery kiss. “Of course, you twit.”
It was nice, feeling hopeful for his future. Something that in the world before, he never thought he would be.
