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Chapter 43


The first day at the base, I hadn’t known that it’d be my new home.

It rained all day. All it did was make everything worse. The world was crying, like it knew what had happened. I was crying; I’d been constantly crying, it felt like. I’d had my own personal rain since Reaper’s Sabbath, no matter how sunny the day.

Everyone expects me to just be able to move on, live past it. After all, I was alive. I guess that I was able to, the first day after, on Sunday, before the dead rose.

Once that happened, what would make me happy to be alive? The fact that the world didn’t want us anymore? Or maybe that everyone I knew and loved was now roaming the streets craving for my flesh? I wanted my simple life back, when I was able to be shallow and carefree, when my only worry was whether or not Daddy would accept Bradley Lee.

It’s so hard, now. Everything has gotten so hard; nothing is easy anymore. Not even simple things. Nothing, ever since the Osiris Virus claimed our lives, as brutally as it did the ones it killed. You know why we call it that? I gave it the name. It’s after the Egyptian God of the Dead, you know. He was killed and arose from the grave, just like everyone now.

I want everything to be simple again. I can’t handle this world. I can’t be tough like everyone else. I don’t even want to try.

If people don’t like that, I don’t care.

I don’t care about anything anymore.



Monday, April 16, 2012
5:00 p.m.


They had been in the church all day. No one wished to go outside, and no one could really blame anyone else. They’d all been living in the hell that had once been their world for a full day, almost, and none of them wished to adjust. Kayleigh spent the day more observing than actually attempting to interact with people. Why bother? For all she knew, everyone would begin to die before her eyes, just like everyone else she had cared about before.

Oddly enough, the clothes she’d been forced to wear on Saturday, the clothes she’d resisted before because they weren’t her thing at all, suddenly felt homey. She didn’t want to change out of them; she felt like they showed the state of her. Her knees were close to her as she remained sitting against the wall. She wanted to feel enclosed, her own personal bubble that shut out the world and everything it had become. She wanted to live in the fantasies of the world before.

Before. What a connotation that word had taken on. It wore the heartache that embraced Kayleigh like a silk shawl, proudly displayed it. Before - it meant so many things. Before was when she was happy. Before was when her world seemed to sing and tune out any hint of darkness. Now that darkness had become the world, happiness was to be forgotten.

Would she ever be happy again?

She seriously doubted it. All day they’d been in the church, Kevin checking himself constantly throughout the day for symptoms of the virus. So far, there were no such signs. It gave the others hope, because the virus had struck so quickly before. It wasn’t doing so now, giving them the belief that it had either left the air, or that Kevin was to be amongst the rare immune. Kayleigh didn’t want to believe either one. It meant she could get attached to the strong protector. Attachments were dangerous and, thus far, the only one she had allowed had been a small one to Howie.

Her phone couldn’t make any calls – no service, of course. Yet still, she flipped it open often, checking for a miracle that could never come. Every time she glanced at the screen, there were no missed calls. No signs of life from her family, who she knew were probably dead, after what Kevin had told them.

She wondered if her unborn sibling could reanimate in the womb. If it could, would it try to eat out of her mother’s stomach? They were sickening thoughts, ones that had been haunting her throughout the hours.

“Kayleigh?”

Jo snapped her out of her reverie. She had a motherly concern for the college girl, but Kayleigh simply frowned, ignoring her. She didn’t want a replacement for the people she’d lost. Jo’s daughter sat over at the other end of the church, giving Kevin the same looks. At least, it seemed, someone understood. She sighed. Why did it have to be a church they hid in, anyway? The entire thing was ironic. If God had let this happen, God could care less if zombies ate them. That simple. Her hand smoothed her hair back, trying to hide the bald patch that had almost caused her death. It hurt, throbbed when she touched it. It also made her feel less, less than what she was. It was a vain notion, but she could care less about that.

To be blunt, she wasn’t sure exactly sure what she did care about anymore.

“Kayleigh? Are you hungry? We’re fixing dinner with the supplies you brought.”

Great, jerky and canned fruit, most likely. Because that was just so appetizing. Why bother when they’d be eaten soon enough, anyway? What, this way they’d be better tasting, plumper for the leagues of ghouls just waiting to break into the barricaded church? Kayleigh looked away, her frown morphing into a scowl, as she focused on her cell phone, deciding to play a game on it before the battery died. It was simple, it was mindless, and it suited her.

The noises around her could fade into the back. She didn’t have to watch as pews were forcefully separated from the floor by the men, as Jo tried to prepare a meal. She didn’t have to hear talk of plans of action or clicking noises that she didn’t know the exact source of. Instead, she stuck to the Sunday school room, away from the moans from outside. She could simply play Pac-Man on her phone.

“Kayleigh, did you hear me?”

Turning away, she focused on the floor, willing the world away. She’d have been better off dead, even if she’d once loved being alive. She was far from suicidal, but the events had caused her to become extremely realistic about how everything would be for her now. And, realistically, it would’ve been better to have just died with everyone else, to be completely oblivious to the hell Earth had become, and be one of the mindless dead instead. Knowing… It was knowing, it was fighting, it was living, that was the cruelness of life now.

“Kayleigh!” Finally, she glanced up at the middle-aged Hispanic woman, whose dark eyes had become daggers aiming straight her way. Direct hit.

“What!” she cried out, irritated at being brought back to harsh reality. Reality was colder than she wished to be. Reality froze her to the bone, and she shivered simply from the thought of such.

“You need to eat. Talk to us.”

“No, I don’t.”

Howard, who had been debating something with Kevin, had decided to stroll over. His steps were short and speedy. Impatience sat upon his furrowed brow; his dark eyes glinted with an edge he hadn’t turned her way before now. “C’mon, don’t be childish, Kayleigh; you need to eat.”

“Why bother?”

“Then why don’t we just throw you out the door and let those things eat you now? It’d be easier on us.”

“You wouldn’t do that.”

Before her very eyes, the tough snobbish business man softened at her reply. “You’re right, I wouldn’t. But come on, you need to eat, at least for me.”

“Fine.”

Rolling her eyes, she stood and followed him back to the others. AJ was eating and actually seemed at ease, which shocked her because how could anyone be at ease in a situation like this? But they all ate, and it, of course, was as she’d figured. Bits of various jerky and canned fruit that she and Howie had swiped from that convenience store, something that was only days before, but felt like eons. Because it was Before. There was chatter going on, she knew. But it felt like a simple buzzing to the ears that one could block out with ease.

“…I’ll make sure we all start practicing target practice. The head isn’t the easiest place to aim.”

“Everyone?”

“Yes, even Gabby should know, in case something happens.”

“I don’t think-”

“If the worst happens, I want her prepared, Jo. That’s all.”

I think we should worry more about supplies first. We don’t have enough for long.”

“Dude, supplies can’t do shit if we try and get 'em while those fucking ghouls are after us and we can’t shoot for shit. My ass is with Kevin.”

“Kayleigh?”

“Kayleigh?”

They were saying her name, but she was feeling distant, completely unattached. It was like Kayleigh belonged to the name of a college girl, one in love and with everything to live for. That wasn’t her. That was some other girl. A girl she’d once known, but had long since lost contact with. So why were they calling for a Kayleigh?

“Kayleigh! Snap out of it.” Tatted hands with black-painted fingernails snapped rapidly before her eyes, causing her to blink and swat them away irritably. Back to the world, she came, and a crashing sensation filled her as she was once again reminded of that which she wanted to forget.

“Alright, AJ! Jeez.”

“Are you okay?” the teenager asked. Kayleigh hadn’t exactly taken a lot of notice of her. She knew her name was Gabby and that she was Jo’s daughter, but overall, the two had ignored each other. Gabby seemed as sullen as her and, rather than appreciate it, Kayleigh resented her for it because Gabby already seemed to be getting the free pass Kayleigh would have died to have at the moment. No one forced Gabby to come back to the here and now. No, instead they wanted to pick on her. What had she done to deserve this?

“Yeah, fine. I don’t care about the guns, by the way. Do whatever you want. I don’t care. I’m not going to learn anyway.”

Kevin’s brows furrowed as he shifted his jade eyes her way. If looks could kill, she was sure she’d be dead, with all the stares she’d been getting throughout the day. “You have to learn. We need to work together. Our lives depend on it.”

“Then I’ll do something else. I’m not going to use a gun. I’m not going to try and face one of those… those… those things. Not just to make the rest of you happy.”

She stared at him, watching the reaction that followed. His jaw clenched, and, while it was obvious he wanted to say something, it was surprising when he instead said nothing and sat back, mulling it over. Jo was talking to Gabby quietly, wanting to ignore the tension. AJ rolled his eyes, muttering the entire time. Howie simply smirked. At her limits with the entire discussion, Kayleigh refocused back on AJ.

“What was that, AJ?”

“I said, you’re being fucking selfish.”

“I don’t care.”

“What do you mean, you don’t care? Our lives could be lost ‘cause you don’t give a damn.”

“I don’t think so. You can fight; I’ll do other stuff. We’ll be fine.”

“You’re being a selfish bitch.”

“I don’t care.”

She shook her head, walking back to her corner of the room, away from the others. She huddled back up, pulled out her cell phone to play her game yet again. A glance back over showed them all discussing something. Probably her. She didn’t care. This world was harsh and hard, and she could care less about what they wanted. She wasn’t going to do it. What would they do? Let her die? Hardly… None of them were that heartless, and they all knew it. They could say whatever they wanted.

“I don’t care.”

***