Everything you have, everything that actually means something to you… you can lose. Fate, God, whatever thing up there that’s running things, it can take it all away. That’s why I always liked keeping my distance. No chance of rejection, no chance of losing anything if I did manage to gain something. It was a lesson I learned when I was just a little girl, and I learned it well.
At least till the world changed. Then it wasn’t easy to try to be distant. You couldn’t have that luxury anymore. And I loved it. I was happy. Of course, my guard went down. I stopped worrying about what the world was going to throw at us. Even after we got stranded in the middle of the country, I had Kevin as a surrogate big brother, I had Nick by my side… What was there to worry about?
I was such an idiot for thinking that way.
Thinking that way is like you’re begging for something to go wrong. The world, fate, God, whatever, complied with that, of course. As it always will. Nothing is ever easy, and I need to never forget that.
‘Cause I already know…
If I lost Nick now, life wouldn’t be worth living anymore.
Monday, November 12, 2012
Week Thirty
“Shame I forgot my mask; you think it’d be Mardi Gras?” Nick asked, as Kevin drove their latest form of transportation, a sturdy pick-up truck, down the roads of New Orleans, Louisiana.
Kevin rolled his eyes as Riley laughed, imagining the putrid corpses all decked out in Mardi Gras masks and beads, slumping along the streets as music played. The image was dark humor, but it seemed like that’s all there was these days. The truck puttered its way along the road; the three of them had taken it once they had come ashore from the Mississippi River. They had passed the Audubon Aquarium of the Americas, a place that caused Nick’s eyes to light up as a child’s. He’d pleaded to stop there, until Riley had been forced to remind him that all the fish there were likely dead by now, with no people to care for them.
“I think Mardi Gras was back in February.”
Nick sulked, and Riley simply smiled at him, enjoying his antics as she aimed her gun out the window at some roaming zombies. It always felt so eerie, seeing them stumble along in packs with no real direction. Often, their heads turned at the noise the truck made, but Kevin kept the speed high enough so that none could truly follow them. She squeezed the trigger and fired off a shot. An odd noise followed, but the truck was moving too fast for her to see why.
She shrugged. Maybe I missed.
“Thinking hard, Rye?” Nick asked, breaking into her thoughts.
“Yeah, maybe you should try…” she teased.
Nick pouted, causing her to chuckle. Part of her was thankful their trip had failed. If it hadn’t, they wouldn’t have needed this cross-country road trip. What it had done was intertwined them far more than they likely would have been otherwise. Setting the gun aside, she sighed contentedly as she leaned up against Nick in the backseat. His hand gently rubbed down along her arm, an action that soothed her.
A melody came to mind, though she couldn’t remember who sang it, or how she knew the song, since it was a little more bubblegum for her old tastes in music. A wry grin formed. Nick was rubbing off on her. As she began to sing it to herself softly, it just confirmed her musings.
“It’s a masqu-er-aaade… a love pa-raaade… so won’t you stay-uh… and dance with me, all through the niiiight and da-aaay… my masqu-er-ade… I need ya, baby, so stay with me toniiiiiiiight…”
Kevin cracked up as he navigated the roads. “What was that you just sang?”
“I don’t know, popped in my head… seemed fitting, since we’re in Mardi Gras land and all.”
Nick tickled her side with a smile, as she squirmed. “And you said you don’t like pop.”
“I doooon’t.”
“Well, you know that’s a boyband song; I forget who, though.”
“I forgot my boyfriend is the pop culture guru,” she teased.
“He’s slipping.” Kevin called back. “Normally, he’d be telling us how we should know all about it… who sang it, who wrote it…”
“Hey, hey!” Nick protested, sitting up and accidentally jostling Riley to the other side. Rubbing her shoulder, she straightened up as well. She made a face at him, but it went unnoticed. Nick crossed his arms indignantly. “I don’t always do that.”
“You lectured me on Glee for a week straight.”
“That’s different.”
“You’re about to get him started…”
“Oh, it’s different, huh?”
“Glee was in a league of its own, man. I mean, that show was the first in a long time that was actually decent. And had good music covers! It was the best of both worlds, and…”
“See what you did?”
“Shit, my fault.”
Riley laughed as she glanced out the window and effectively tuned out Nick’s discussion of the show and the many ways in which he thought it was memorable. The scenery moved by in a bit of a blur. No animals or life to be seen, beyond that of the undead. A sigh followed, as she pushed some loose strands of hair from her eyes.
She wondered if anyone was alive back home. If they believed that the three of them were still alive. If they’d stayed at the base, or if they had moved on. She missed all of them: Jo’s motherly ways, and Gretchen as her female confidant, Gabby’s youthful spirit, and AJ’s own cynical sense of humor. She thought wistfully of Howie’s determination and Brian’s steadfast belief that things could somehow get better. She’d gotten used to their little threesome, with as long as they’d been on the road, but it was nothing compared to the family that had formed on the base they called home. Everything was about looking forward to home - that was their hope and destination. Yet, her own cynical side wondered if there would even be anything to go home to? Zombies had broken past the barrier before, causing Kayleigh’s death. Would it happen again? Would they come back to nothing but the remains of those they loved, picked clean along the ground?
Or even worse, would the others have moved on because of the weaknesses in their defense? Leaving the three of them to come back to an empty base, with nothing but questions that would forever remain unanswered?
“Rye?”
She blinked. Her eyes moved back to the window, and she realized they had slowed down. She shifted her line of vision back to Nick, whose own blue eyes were settled on her with concern. She smiled gently.
“Sorry, I spaced a bit.”
“Seemed pretty deep in thought…”
She shook her head. She didn’t want to bring him down with her own dark thoughts. “Just tired… Why are we slowing down?”
Kevin’s eyes glanced back at her in the rearview mirror. She always had the feeling Kevin could see right through any of them to what they were really thinking. She loved him like a big brother, but it always unsettled her. “We need to gas back up and get supplies.”
“Oh.”
She stared out the window again. New Orleans was one of those cities she’d always wanted to visit at some point. It was so iconic, right up there with New York City or Las Vegas. They were driving along the roads of the French Quarter. She couldn’t get enough of the majestic architecture of the city. Three-story tall buildings with grand archways and designs, beautifully built in the early days of America, still standing as a tribute to the past world, before the undead had come. She sighed again as they passed by a red streetcar, crashed alongside the road. A ruin of twisted metal, fists of the undead beating could be seen beating on its windows relentlessly in a weak attempt to escape their prison.
Finally, the truck slowed to a stop, and Riley turned to see Nick loading a pistol, shooting her an easy smile. Her stomach churned, and she looked over at Kevin, feeling oddly uneasy. She couldn’t place it, but the feeling was there all the same. Grabbing her own weapons, she made sure her handguns were loaded before passing Nick the shotgun. He took her hand in his, squeezing it encouragingly. It did little to ease her nerves, but she managed a smile.
“We’ll have to split up to make this quick,” Kevin suggested, and the two blondes nodded in agreement. They had learned the hard way not to dawdle. “I’m going to see if I can’t find a place that has weapons. Anything. We’re starting to run thin again. You two get as many bottles of water and canned food as you can carry to the truck. If I’m not here, load up on clothes until nightfall. If I’m not here by dark… I need you to go on without me.”
Riley blinked. The sun was slowly setting in the sky. If she’d been forced to guess the time, she’d have placed it at somewhere around four or five o’ clock. It didn’t leave them much time.
Nick spoke before she could. “Dude, we can’t do that!”
“No, if I’m not here, it means I’m not alive to come back. I mean it: go on without me if I’m not back by dark.”
She could see the struggle Nick was battling within himself. His hand had tensed up immediately in hers. Riley swallowed hard to fight all the emotions building up. It hurt to hear the words, but decisions had to be made. That was their only choice in their fight for survival. The words felt like they were coming from another, even as she heard herself say them.
“Alright, we will.”
An incredulous look was shot her way by the man beside her, but she said nothing more. She climbed out of the truck, tugging him along behind her. She could hear the truck doors open and shut, one after another. She fought not to look back; it felt like a jinx to do so. Still, her head turned to see the back of Kevin’s head walking away. Her heart fluttered, yet she nodded at Nick, and the two began walking in the other direction.
***
Their walk around felt relatively peaceful. Moans could be heard, but they were distant, and she was thankful. Finally, the two spotted a grocery store. Nick grinned at her easily, putting on his handkerchief. From past food raids, they had learned this was completely necessary to be able to stand their surroundings. He snickered as she, too, tied her bandana around her head to cover her mouth.
He held up his pistol. “Is it me, or do we look like we’re in a bad western movie?”
She felt herself smirk, even though Nick couldn’t see it. “How many bad western movies did you try out for?”
“More than you’d think,” he laughed, causing her to smile, as he held open the door. “Ladies first.”
“Yay, I get to be eaten before you.”
“So cynical.”
The smell hit her first, a putrid, horribly intense stench that wasn’t stifled as much as she’d like by the clothes tied around their faces. Her eyes watered in reply. They had encountered this at every store they’d entered, looking for food. It had been easy, on the base, to forget that, around the country, there was no electricity. There were no people. Everything had been left to decay; fresh food was nothing but a memory in the wake of endless cans that helped them survive.
“This smells worse than donkey ass…”
“I’m not even going to ask how you’d know that.”
The two each adjusted the empty duffel bags on their shoulders on the way towards the proper aisle. Their ears were keen for any signs of life, undead or otherwise. Riley turned at the sound of something hard hitting the floor. A glance around showed nothing, however. She sighed.
I’m getting really paranoid, she mused. Still, the feeling that had been following her all day refused to leave.
“You know what I miss?” Nick asked, as he started tossing random cans into his bag. Soups, beans, chili, fruits – everything one would think of. Peas, corn – it didn’t matter anymore. Pickiness had gone away, once they had become the main entrée for the dead. Her bag grew heavy, too, as she loaded it up with everything she could think of.
We’ll have to come back by again for water. The more food they had with them, the better.
“Hmm?”
“Steaks. I love steaks. I miss ‘em. I even tried to go vegan once…”
She stifled a giggle, as they started making their way back out of the store. It was easier said than done. Many shelves had been knocked over; cans were everywhere. It made the store a maze, easy to get confused in if you lost track of how you’d gotten to that aisle to begin with.
“You went vegan? Somehow, it doesn’t suit you.”
“Yeah, I tried. See, I read this book my acting coach gave me, when he wanted me to lose weight…”
“Awww.”
“And I liked the idea, but I kept caving because I missed steaks. And now we can’t have any unless we find a live cow that hasn’t starved, been eaten, or mutated or something.”
“Mutated.”
“Hey,” he said with a casual shrug, his eyes twinkling, as they stepped out, once again, beneath the slowly setting sun. “You never know anymore.”
It was easy for her to imagine things were normal for a second. That they were simply two lovers walking down the road together, hand and hand. Each had their duffel slung over the other shoulder, comfortable with the silence that settled between them. Nick’s hand broke free of hers and pulled down his bandana, revealing the lovable grin beneath. The only thing that broke the peace of the moment was the chorus of moans, sounding closer than they had before. It caused their pace to quicken, neither wanting to be found if they could. Soon they would be sniffed out, and they had a bit of a walk to go.
“Hey Rye?” Nick paused, causing her to do the same and turn towards him.
“Yeah?”
He stared at her, not saying anything. His eyes looked scarily blank, glazed in a way she normally attributed to the walking dead. He stood there, unseeing. Her pulse quickened. His eyes, the pretty eyes she so loved to stare into, suddenly rolled to the back of his head. His voice roared, as he collapsed suddenly to the ground. His head slammed against the pavement.
Riley stood there, frozen in shock.
“NICK!” she shrieked. Reality clicked into place as she rushed towards him, her bag thrown off to the side and forgotten immediately. She kneeled down, at a loss of what to do, as his body was thrown into violent convulsions. It had been so long since something like this had happened. The possibility had been discarded and forgotten.
At that moment, she had never missed Jo more.
His body continued to contract, his eyelids half-open, the whites of his eyes sending a shudder of fear through her body. Riley felt helpless, without even the slightest hint of what to do, as the moans grew louder. They were going to be found soon. Whether it was the noise Nick had made, or her own yells of fear that had summoned them, it didn’t matter. Something had attracted the zombies’ attention, and she knew from the volume of their moans that she had to get them moving, somehow, before they were found.
It killed her and relieved her at the same time to take her eyes off Nick, to check for zombies. Spotting none, she took a moment to give God a silent prayer, before watching the person she loved beyond her reach. He twitched and jerked rigidly, his mouth open just slightly, before the convulsions slowed and finally stopped.
The time that had gone by felt like eons. Riley had no idea if she was supposed to try to wake him or not. The last time this had happened felt like a lifetime ago, and even then, she had had Jo check him out before they woke him. This time, there was no choice. She shook him gently, hoping that he didn’t have further damage from hitting his head in the fall.
“I should’ve caught you…” she murmured. “Nick, please… please… get up for me…”
His chest rose and fell steadily, but he didn’t wake up. Riley felt like screaming in frustration, but knew she couldn’t attract any more attention to them. Getting the bag free from Nick’s arm, she tossed it aside. Tenderly, she brushed aside the hair on his forehead, before grabbing him from his armpits. It took all her strength to try and drag him, as gently as possible, further up the road.
The sun was setting, the sky becoming a darker gradient of red, purple, pink, and orange. It was also an alarm clock, reminding her they had to reach the truck by dark. Would Kevin look for them? He’d told them to go on without them if he didn’t show. Would he do the same?
Am I doing all this, only to end up dead anyway? No, Riley, you can’t think like that.
Her arms grew tired as she tried to drag Nick along. Panting, she lay him back on the pavement. Realistically, she knew this wasn’t going to work. They were both going to die. She’d live, but only if she left Nick behind. Her jaw set at the mere realization.
I’ll die before leaving you behind.
An empty storefront across the street caught her attention. No broken glass – it seemed to be in better shape than many places these days. She needed a place to camp out until Nick woke up. She needed a plan of some sort. As she went to pick up Nick again, a corpse came into view, startling her into dropping him. This time, he fell against her feet, rather than the ground. Her hands flew to her guns, and she cursed the moment she realized she only had one with her. The others had been in her bag, so that everything was easier to carry.
Every shot had to count. Steadying herself as the zombie started shuffling her way, she fired. An odd sound followed, as the bullet went through its nose, sending bits of bone, rotting flesh, and congealed blood spraying everywhere. A moment passed before it fell to the ground.
Tucking the gun away, she picked Nick back up again. She dragged him as quickly as she could across the road. Zombies were closing in around them. She backed through the door forcefully, setting Nick down on the floor and blocking the door with her own body.
Thankfully, the door was wooden, without glass. She could only pray the windows held.
Then she heard a moan from the other end of the office. Riley hadn’t looked to see what kind of place she’d entered, but it looked like an insurance company of some sort. The zombie emerging from the back of building was wearing a ragged suit and tie. She fired a shot, hitting its neck and causing the zombie to stumble. She fired again, cursing her aim. This time, the shot hit its mark, and the undead man fell.
Riley checked her ammo. Not many left.
A shuffle of movement caused her to whirl around with her firearm at the ready. A glance downwards relaxed her immediately. She kneeled down swiftly, immediately at his side. Nick glanced up at her dazedly, his eyes unfocused.
“Rye?”
She hugged him tightly.
“Whoa…” He chuckled at the sudden embrace, looking surprised at the fierceness. She refused to let go, enjoying the moment. She didn’t dare look into his face, unsure if she’d be able to handle seeing the confusion she knew would be there. “What happened?”
Her head burrowed into his shoulder. “You’re okay… I was so freaked. You… you had a seizure. And I was… I was so…”
“Shhh…”
“I didn’t think we’d be able to....” She couldn’t finish the thought, yet knew he understood. Riley breathed him in, the scent she knew so well, enjoying the way her head fit against the crook of his neck, as his hand stroked her back in soothing circles.
“I’m so glad you’re alright…”
“It’s okay; I’m alright… I’m here now…” His hand tangled itself in her hair, his lips close to her ear, as he whispered, “I’m here now.”
