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Chapter 98


Change.

Change can be good. Change can be shitty. We ain’t got options about it, so we gotta roll with it anyway, right? I kinda hang on the outskirts here, like I did on the base in the beginning. I mean, it’s easier to observe shit than to actually get involved. People are still people, no matter how fucked up the world is.

But I’ve changed.

I care what people think. I want to be involved. People-watching is fun as fuck, but not being able to really click, ya know, the way I’ve gotten to at the base… that’s a bitch. But hey, this place is safer, probably. I don’t know. We ain’t had any attacks yet. Not sure how those ghouls could get through solid fucking stone. Then again, I still ain’t sure how that damn virus caused all this to begin with. I know Quack-And-Sue explained it, but hell, don’t mean I understand it all.

Acceptance is part of change too. You can fight like hell, but eventually change makes you its bitch, and you bow down and accept it. Like my leg. I fucking hate this limp. Maybe it’ll go away. But it kills me that, for now, I ain’t gonna be as fast or as good a fighter as I used to be. But at least I’m alive. I’m alive to be cursing the shit out of change.

So I may be ranting and not liking things much here now.

But fuck, at least I’m alive to bitch about it.



Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Week Forty-Three

AJ sat at the top of the gatehouse tower at the front of the castle. The view as the sun rose was a spectacular one. One that made him wish he’d packed his many painting supplies left behind in his house on the base. Kevin had lectured them all on packing light, and though everyone had listened, AJ also knew everyone resented him a little for it. He enjoyed the calm, though – beyond the roaming undead, of course. Most of the others were in bed. Then there was him, forever battling insomnia. He liked being able to snipe once again. He had to admit, it was easier to do so up here than it had been on the roof of the church back home.

He didn’t want to go and make friends with all the newcomers. That was how he thought of the people outside of the ones he’d come to love in Florida. Sure, technically they were the newcomers who’d invaded the Europeans’ base of operations, but it was simply how he thought. They were outside of the circle AJ had come to create. It was so hard for AJ to let people in. He’d spent so many years building these walls around him, so that rejection couldn’t come just because he saw things differently. Then the world had ended. He’d come to have a new family, people who were able to see past his walls of detachment. Now he found himself often trying to stay isolated. The dynamic with the other group was different. It wasn’t as secure, as tight. The bond wasn’t like the one he and the others shared at the base. The people who’d been living at the castle weren’t as united. Something was just off, and AJ didn’t like it.

Not to mention, having so many new people around him was too unsettling.

He looked down at the water as he got ready to aim. He kind of liked the old fashioned Winchester rifle he’d found amongst their weapons supplies. It was odd, watching the English zombies wander along the bridge, moaning at the well-protected castle. It proved there was nothing there but simplistic, animalistic instinct. A drive for sustenance the creatures didn’t need. He also liked that the smell wasn’t as bad here. The decomposition was at a similar rate, however.

AJ fired. Within moments, a loud SPAT! sound followed. The fact that the bodies exploded was still the same as well. He snickered. It reminded him of throwing darts at water balloons at a carnival. This was better, though, because with this, rotting body parts flew everywhere. He tilted his head. Maybe it was more like a rotting human firecracker than a popping balloon.

He snickered at the image.

“Someone seems to be enjoying himself.”

He turned to see Selena approaching. He wasn’t sure what it was about her that caught his eye the way she did. Maybe it was her confidence. Or the no compromises attitude that exuded from her everywhere she went. It wasn’t outright bitchy, the way he thought Riley came off as at times. It was more an inability to take any bullshit tossed her way. It was a trait he embodied himself, and on Selena, it just made her more attractive than she already was. He wondered idly what she’d been like before the world had gone to hell, if she’d been as toned, or as uncompromising. Had the world made her like this now? Somehow, he doubted it; she seemed like the type who handled anything thrown at her without even batting an eyelash.

“It’s like that old video game, Duck Hunt, only with exploding zombies and no annoying fucking dog laughing at you if you missed.” He smirked. “I always wanted to shoot the damn dog.”

Selena chuckled as she tightened the bandana she wore over her hair. “Sometimes I picture them as some of the people who used to give me hell. It’s a little macabre, but it made it fun.”

“Being macabre can be fun.”

“Not to most of the people here. I always got told it’s too morbid.”

“You cared what they thought?”

She smirked. “No, but hearing it all the time gets old. So why are you playing sniper?”

“I get bored easily.”

He set the gun aside and just looked down at the zombies roaming along the ground. Aimlessly, pointlessly, persistently, they moaned, in search of the prey they could smell but not catch, as the living continued to elude them. AJ glanced at Selena again, admiring her captivating, angular face, the smooth, mocha skin, and the dark eyes that sparkled impishly with light. AJ almost wanted to hit himself.

Fuck, what am I doing?

“What are you doing?”

Shit, did I say that out loud? He cleared his throat. “Watching them roam is amusing too. Like, it’s sort of how people used to before the world went zombie-fest on us. They’d wander aimlessly from job to home, or whatever responsibilities society forced on them. No real purpose, no one truly happy. The biggest difference now is that they have a major case of the munchies and smell a shitload worse.”

“That’s a bit twisted.”

“Twisted, but true.”

She smiled at him. “I never said it wasn’t. Few people could see the world for what it really was.” She laughed. “I used to want to change it. Before I ended up becoming a pharmacist, I wanted to be a doctor, to save people.”

AJ cocked a brow. “Not something I would’ve guessed from you. What happened?”

“I learned how the world really is.” Selena turned, patting his shoulder.

“Not many do, you know.”

“Too many did it for the money. I got bitter and decided it wasn’t worth it. Now…” She laughed. “Now I’m reading all these medical books, trying to be the doctor I could’ve been then.”

“Ain’t life a bitch?”

“No, karma’s a sadistic bitch; it’s what I get for giving up.”

“So what was your life like… before all this?”

“Not much different.”

“Oh?”

He slid to the ground, sitting with his back up against the cool stone. It was almost freezing outside, but he shrugged it off. It was kind of nice, not having to deal with the humidity of Florida, to not be sweating daily. Sitting there, he stared up at Selena, enjoying the way she tried to make sense of him and his ways.

“Like you said earlier, people tended to be zombie-like. I didn’t really have people to lose either.” A shrug. “My mum died when I was younger, never knew my dad…” She paused for a moment and then grinned. “The world didn’t smell so rank, though.”

“Sounds like my life, more or less.”

Finally, she sat next to him, leaning back as she closed her eyes, enjoying the cool breeze that began to pick up around them. It tossed her short hair a bit. The two sat in silence for a few moments. Oddly enough, it didn’t feel awkward to him. Both seemed to enjoy it, without forcing themselves to fill it with awkward chatter. It was different; AJ had never hit that level of comfort so quickly with anyone he’d known in his old life.

“What’s the less?” Selena finally asked.

“Being a drug addict, an alcoholic, forced to go to this fucked-up rehab center. It’s where I was when everyone up and croaked without warning. It’s funny shit, though, the rehab center was a joke, but the world going to hell seemed to help more than anything to get me straight.” He glanced over at Selena. “I only relapsed once.”

“Is that how you hurt your leg?”

“No, actually it was because I fucked up my leg. Too much idle time, being stuck in some damn wheelchair and unable to do shit. And honestly, I think it’s why Gabby’s mom died.”

“How do you take the blame for that?”

“I was hungover, pissed off, and not paying attention when she and Howie were working on something. I didn’t see those ghouls till Gabby did, and they were too close. I wasn’t able to do shit either, with this damn leg.”

“So that’s why you keep an extra eye on her?”

“What?”

“You may not have been here long, AJ, but I people-watch the same way you do. The only one more protective of her than you is Kevin. He’s like her surrogate father. You’ve become like her big brother. It’s not your fault, though, that her mum died. Shit happens. Especially now.”

“Doesn’t mean I ain’t partly to blame. The least I can do is make sure the brat don’t get hurt,” he replied, startled she was able to see right through him so easily.

“It’s like with the way you’ve been acting. Anyone with eyes can see how your group is like a family. I can’t say the same for us. We’re a band of survivors; it’s different. And you, with you, it’s like you don’t even want to try to know us. The others try; you keep away. Like we’re the zombie plague in wait or some shit.”

He blinked. “Wait a minute…”

She stood, brushing herself off with a smirk. “What, annoyed that I’m right?”

“Heh, you wish.”

“Have it your way. You continue having fun sniping away. And by the way… AJ?”

“Hmm?”

“Just because you avoid people doesn’t mean we can’t see what you’re doing.” And with that, she started walking away.

He stared after her, Selena’s words leaving their mark on him in ways he was far from used to.

***