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By now the Backstreet Boys were nearing the Black and Blue era of their career and had obviously turned into the massive pop group that we all know and love today. They were at the peek of it all and flying high. One quite a bit higher than the others. Over the years all of the guys had gone through changes and it had been tough on each one of them to some degree or another. Kevin had married Kristen, Brian had married Leighanne and Howie was more than happy with his long time girlfriend Leigh. I couldn’t have been more happy for all of them and it was nice for me to have three more amazing friends that I could actually do things with that didn’t involve belching the alphabet or watching Sci-Fi movies all night. Nick had had his fair share of women over the years too and I was just happy that our friendship was able to last through all that because I’m not one to keep my mouth shut about which ones I didn’t exactly care for. But Nick made it clear to all of them that I was his friend and I wasn’t going anywhere so they needed to deal with it. Which I have to say is a very grown up thing for Nick to do but that was just one more reason why I loved his so much.

Now by this time in their career all the guys had been given many opportunities to experiment with drugs and alcohol. Of course some of them dabbled a little bit here and there but from my perspective it was always under control. By now, Alex and I had been on such a rollercoaster in our relationship but we always managed to pull through. Until I began to notice more serious changes in him and then I began to worry. Everyone knew that AJ loved to drink but he always made it seem like he had it under control. But during the Black and Blue tour was when I started to notice little things like a bottle of half empty whisky hidden in his dressing room before a show or finding the mini fridge completely empty only hours after a show. The turning point came one night after a show in Detroit when AJ approached me in our hotel room and offered my cocaine. Up until then I knew he loved to drink but I had no idea he was doing drugs. I don’t know if I was more upset that the man I loved had suddenly turned into a whole new person in my eyes, one I didn’t like very much anymore might I add, or that he was actually trying to pull me in with him. I tried to reason with him and find out why he was doing this and how he got to this point but he wouldn’t listen and took off. I spent that whole night worrying about him and angry him at the same time. I also started to blame myself that I didn’t see the signs earlier considering I was his girlfriend. And then I began to feel upset that maybe I wasn’t good enough for him; that he needed more than just me and his friends. I felt so lost that I did the only thing I thought was right. I turned to the one person I felt could fix this – Kevin. He showed up seconds later with the other guys hot on his heels. Nick instantly came to console me while we all talked about what we could do to help AJ.

Early the next morning AJ returned, more than drunk and wasted no time in kicking me out of his room. The next thing I knew I was in the mix of a full on confrontation, mainly between Kevin and AJ while the rest of us stood by helplessly watching. It was only a matter of minutes until Kevin had broken down the door after a forceful screaming match between the two had ensued. Many hurtful words were exchanged and once the breaking point had been reached, AJ gave up exhausted stating he was done with the group. I watched someone I loved so much fall to the floor in a heap, crying sobs of guilt and anger and anything else he had bottled up inside. I was completely helpless to do anything but watch as the future of AJ’s life, my relationship with him and the Backstreet Boys as a whole hung in the distance.

After a few tense hours passed by I was beyond relieved when Alex finally agreed to go to rehab but I knew things for everyone had changed. After sobering up he and I sat down to have a talk about what had happened. He didn’t tell me much claiming he was ashamed of how far it gone and that he didn’t know if he could every get his life back. At that moment, without hesitation, I vowed to stay by his side every step of the way and help him succeed in any way possible. I knew that deep down inside of him was the Alex I knew and loved. The same one I met all those years ago. He had built up a shell around him to keep himself protected from everything and in the process lost himself along the way. But I was determined to make sure that that didn’t get the better of him. It was a bittersweet day when AJ entered rehab. He apologized to everyone for all the he had done and for making everyone go through this. I don’t know if AJ really knew how many people he had standing behind him that day but I’d like to hope that we were just a small part in the steps he started to make after that.

AJ successfully completely rehab and I began to see a glimpse of the old Alex I so desperately hoped to get back. I visited him during his rehab and got a new look into his life that I could have never imagined existed. We shared so many things during that time that will always remain sacred to AJ an I. During his rehab we were all unsure of the future. The Backstreet Boys took a short break to give AJ time to recover and Alex and I turned a new page in our relationship. We had literally made it past the darkest part of our relationship in every sense of the word. But the hardest part was still ahead. Aj had a heart to heart with the rest of the guys so they could decide what they would do now. Not only was the Backstreet Boys in danger but so were their friendships. A lot of harsh words had been said between them and there were still many gaps that needed to be mended before they could ever make it work again. To this day I don’t know how we all managed to pull through but we all persevered. The Backstreet Boys returned to finish a sold out Black and Blue tour and AJ continued to grow. Even though he did relapse one time over those next few years, Alex has managed to fight his demons and turned into the amazing man he is today. I was so lucky to get back the caring and compassionate Alex I knew from way back when, I would like to think that he is just as amazing, if not more today.