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I felt Ella’s arms tighten around my waist, her face buried into my chest. “I’m so alone” she choked out and sobbed into me.

“Baby you have me,” I held her tighter because I didn’t know what else to do.

“I am not this person. I am not this weak and distressed person. I’m strong and I’ve let my guard down.”
“That’s a good thing. It means you’re being you around me.”

“But this isn’t me and Cam would be telling me to suck it up and keep going.” Her voice grew and she sat up a little.

“You’ve been through so much in one year; you need to be more forgiving to yourself. I am in love with the person I am with right now.”

“A year tomorrow,” her voice was calmer. “Cameron died a year tomorrow and that’s when everything started going bad and I lost control of my life.”

“I’m sorry sweetie,” I kissed her cheek and held her tighter.

“I just tried not to think about it and as I stopped dancing, I started thinking about it all more. It was the one thing I could do to escape Anthony. I wanted to escape from this emptiness and loneliness I felt.”

“You should’ve told me, I would’ve taken you away somewhere today to keep you busy.”

“I wanted to dance though,” she defended.

“I know baby. You will,” I rocked her gently in my arms. “You’re such a strong woman and you amaze me every day.”

“I’m so tired,” her eyes closed, head rested on my chest.

“It’s okay, take a nap.”

“I know you’re starving, go eat. I need a shower.”

“How about I come shower with you, no sex, just shower? Especially since you can’t even walk,” I tugged on the last part playfully. She nodded her head and I brought her upstairs and we showered.

After us both put comfy clothes on and I lay Ella in bed. “Do you think we should get an x-Ray on this one?” I asked looking at her swollen and bruised ankle.

“No, it’s probably just sprained.”

“I’m going to stabilize it,” I went into the bathroom to where her wrap and air cast were. I then gently began to wrap her ankle and strapped the air cast on. “Do you want anything to eat?”

“No, I just want to sleep for a bit.”

“Alright, I’ll be back up after I have a sandwich and with more ice.”

“I love you Nick.”

“I know.” I kissed her briefly, pulled a light blanket over her and walked out of the room.

~*~*~*~*~

“How is she doing?” Sammy asked. She and A.J. stopped over later that night on their way out to dinner.

“She’s been sleeping for five hours straight. I took an hour nap but couldn’t sleep anymore.”

“She’ll be alright. Let her get through tomorrow, I don’t know if she’ll want to go to his grave or not.”

“Is it around here?” A.J. asked.
“Yeah. She hasn’t been since the funeral. She wasn’t allowed to.”

“Wasn’t allowed to?” I asked. “Anthony wouldn’t let her?”

“No, he was pretty messed up. He saw the whole thing happen. I mean that doesn’t excuse him for being the person he became but I know that had a lot to do with everything.”

“Okay,” I sighed and ran my hands through my hair.

“Well, we’re going out to dinner. I’ll call her tomorrow.”

“Alright, thanks. Later guys.”

“See ya man, good luck.” They walked out and I headed up stairs to check on Ella. When I went into the bedroom she wasn’t there but the light in the bathroom was on. I went up to the door and saw her standing at the sink. She had put three pain killers into her palm and then into her mouth. She swallowed and then took the cup from the sink, filled it with water and took a long swig.

“Hurting?” I asked. She was standing on one foot, both hands on the counter and looking at me through the mirror.

“Yeah. I was stupid today. It won’t happen again.”

“We all do stupid things, it’s alright,” I wrapped my arms from behind her and kissed her cheek. “A.J. and Sammy were here, they say hi. Sammy wanted to just check to see how you were.” Ella nodded her head and tilted her head back.

“She’s worried about you, as am I.”

“I’m okay now. Promise,” she smiled. “You want to play some video games and order a pizza?”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah!”

“Sounds fun, here you’re going to use these,” I went into the closet near the bathroom and came out with her crutches. She moaned but took them. “Go set up any game you want and I’ll order pizza. Pepperoni and mushroom alright?”

“Sounds great,” she smiled, leaned into me and kissed me hard. “Thanks for being you,” she winked and walked out. After she left the bathroom, I opened her prescription bottle and dumped out the rest into my palm. She had no refills left and five pills remaining. I put them back and put the Vicidine back into the cabinet.

I pulled my phone out, ordered us a medium pizza and went to where my entertainment room was, down the hall. She had put in some zombie game I had and maybe played once. I had to laugh at the site.

“What?” She asked looking up from the bean bag.

“Nothing, you look adorable killing zombies.” She stuck her tongue out and I picked up the controller. “Pizza will be here in twenty,” I told her. We played for about ten minutes and I was surprised that she was actually pretty good. We both ended up getting bored and put in Rock Band.

“I want to be guitar,” she said reaching for it.

“No way. I am.”

“You sing you are in a band.”

“Yes, but I like the guitar. You sing.”

“Have you heard me?”

“Nope, that’s why I want you to.” I smiled showing all of my teeth and handed the microphone to her. She rolled her eyes and took it.

“We’re taking turns,” she glared. “And I’m picking the songs I want to sing,” she shot.

“Fine by me.” She went down the list and landed on Red Hot Chili Peppers, ‘Give it Away Now.’ “This is a hard song.” I told her and she clicked on hard for her level.

The song started and she kept up with all of the words. She actually wasn’t too bad. We continued to go onto ‘Eye of the Tiger’ by Survivor, then ‘Any Way You Want It’ and it was Disturbs ‘Get Down with the Sickness’ when the door bell rang.

“Pizza,” I jumped up and headed down the stairs. I returned a few minutes later with a roll of paper towel, two water bottles and the pizza. I set it on the coffee table and opened it up.

“I want to play guitar,” she said opening her water.

“I think you’re doing a great job singing,” I told her and put a piece of pizza in front of her.

“Yeah because it’s a good laugh for you.”

“No, you’re actually rather good. Quite the range of voice you have. I mean you tore that Peppers’ song up.” I took a large bite of pizza.

“Well, I’m going to sing Nirvana’s ‘Drain You’ then.” She picked up the microphone.

“Eat before its cold.”

“I like it cold,” she handed me the guitar. I took the guitar and she had already started the song.
We continued to play and I finally let her play the guitar and I took my turn singing. She was good at the guitar, which later I found out she was a closet ‘Guitar Hero.’ We must’ve played for hours because it was dark by the time we called a quit.

“Okay I think the pizza is cold enough now, I think you can have a piece,” I laughed putting the guitar away.

“My stomach hurts,” she said holding her stomach.

“Probably because you had a yogurt all day, so eat.” I watched as she hesitantly picked up a piece of pizza. She slowly took a small bite and looked like she was almost in pain swallowing it. I sat down in a chair in front of her and she looked up at me.

“You’re just going to watch me eat?”

“Yes.”

“Nick, you’re creeping me out.”

“Well, you’re scaring me. So eat.” She sighed and took a large bite. She chased it with her water and took another bite.

“Better?”

“Whole thing.”

“I don’t eat crust.”

“Fine.” She rolled her eyes and five minutes later she was finished eating her slice. She drank the rest of her water and looked back up at me.

“What do you want to do?” She asked.

“Movie?”

“Downstairs?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay,” she stood up with her crutches and walked out of the room. “I’m going to go to the bathroom; I’ll be down in a minute. Pick the movie.” She smiled and disappeared into the bathroom. I took the pizza box and paper towel and brought them downstairs. I decided on ‘The Number 23,’ and put it into the DVD player.

A few minutes later Ella came down the stairs, holding both rails to get down and hopping on one foot. I went over to her side; she put an arm around my neck and made our way to the couch. We snuggled up under a blanket, enjoying the fact that it was still raining and I pressed play with the movie.

Ella tilted her chin up and kissed my lips. “Did you brush your teeth?” I asked.

“I uh, well, in case I wanted to make out with you during the movie,” she smirked and kissed me again.

“Hmm, okay I like that idea,” I kissed her back.