As I was standing there, looking deep into his eyes, my hands began to shake. I couldn't tell him what happened between me and Nick. I just couldn't. So, I ran. I ran out the door. Down the driveway. And half way down the street. I saw Kat's car turning the corner, so I stopped and got in.
"Megan! What's wrong?! What happened?!"
I curled myself in a ball in her car and just lost it. I cried so hard, I couldn't breathe.
"Megan.." She rubbed my back.
"Kat...I-I don't know what to do." I sobbed
"Let's get you back home. And then we'll go upstairs and talk."
I nodded. When we arrived back at my house, I saw Nick and Alex standing outside. They must have seen me stop when I saw Kat's car. When I got out of the car, I walked straight past them and upstairs.
I was alone in my room for a few minutes. Kat probably talked to them to see if they could tell her what was wrong. When she came in my room, she closed the door and sat down.
"Megan?"
I looked at her. I had to wipe the tears from my eyes because they were burning so bad.
"What exactly happened?"
"I-I can't believe it."
"You can't believe what honey?"
"I called Nick...I called him Alex."
"Oh Meg, that's not so bad is it?"
"While we were fooling around Kat. We were one minute away from having sex and I moaned Alex's name. For God's sake! What am I gonna do?"
She sat quietly for a minute. Then asked, "Megan? Do you have feelings for Alex?"
I sniffed and looked up again. "Kat. I-I was downstairs a few minutes ago. And Alex asked me what happened. He hugged me and when he pulled away, I looked in his eyes. And.."
I stopped speaking and put my head in my hands and cried softly.
"Kat, I realized why I never have a relationship. I compare every single guy to Alex. And none of them ever compare. I always find something about them to break it off. I want him. I'm in love with him. I have been since we were teenagers." I said once more in a whisper, "I'm in love with him."
"Oh sweetie. I knew it. I knew there had to be more to you guys. Are you gonna tell him?"
I looked up fast, "NO! And you can't tell him either!"
"Meg, you have to tell him. You can't keep this to yourself."
"I can't tell him. He can never know, Kat. I can't take a chance on losing him. He means everything to me."
"Sweetie.."
"Kat. Please don't tell him. Or anyone. Please?"
"Ok. I won't. But, I still think you need to tell him. He may feel the same way."
"I wish he did. But, I doubt it. I'm just his best friend. He could never see me that way. Let's just go downstairs and pretend nothing's wrong."
"Ok..if that's what you want."
We walked downstairs and went to the couch. As soon as I sat down, Alex came over to me and sat with me. He wrapped his arm around me and kissed my head.
"You ok Meggie?"
I looked at him and lied. "Yeah. I'm fine J. Just tired."
"Ok. You remember the girl I told you about? Maria? Well, she's coming up tonight. I told her I wouldn't be coming home for a while because I want to spend as much time with you as I can. I thought we could double. I want you to meet her."
"I thought you said you didn't wanna waste your time with her?"
"I know. But, I thought I'd give it one more chance. Ya never know."
My heart fell. "Oh. Ok. But, I don't think the double date will happen. Nick and I aren't exactly good right now."
"Well, how about I see what I can do about that?"
He got up and began to walk over to Nick.
"No. Alex..I -"
Too late. He was already to him. And they were talking. I could see Nick getting upset. I sat back down and tried to hold back tears. Kat moved over to the couch to talk to me.
"You ok?"
"No. I have to meet Alex's girlfriend tonight. And we won't get along. Because I never get along with them. They always hate me because they know how important I am to him. One time, he was dating this girl that told him I tried to have my way with her because she had been with him. I just laughed at how ridiculous that was."
Kat giggled, "Wow."
"I know." I looked over and saw Alex and Nick laughing. "Well, looks like whatever they're talking about can't be too bad if they're laughing."
I continued to stare at Alex. "God, I wonder what it would feel like to be the girl with him. The one he kisses. The one who he makes love to.."
"Well, if you told him..."
"Kat. I just can't. He-he just can't know."
That night, I met Maria. As expected, she was tall and thin. Beautiful. Long black hair. Perfect in every way. I agreed to go out with them, and so did Nick..but, only if Kat did too. He wanted to make sure it wouldn't be considered a date.
Nick and I still hadn't talked since our 'incident.' He wouldn't even look at me. Alex still didn't know why. I told him I wasn't ready to talk about it, which was true.
After dinner, we all went back to my house and decided to hang around the pool. I spent the entire night watching Alex and Maria kissing and touching each other. It hurt so bad I couldn't stay. I excused myself early and went upstairs.
I cried myself to sleep that night. Thinking of Alex. And how I would never be happy. I kept thinking of how I would spen my life alone. Because no man could ever compare to him.
Chapter End Notes:
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