“Peace offering,” I said as I stuck the flowers through the door but when I got know reply I stuck my head through, surely she still couldn’t be pissed at me, we had both been in the wrong yesterday. “I have chocolate too,” I tried to tempt but she still wouldn’t look at me, she just continued to stare out the window. “Ok, time for the big gun then…and if you want me to I’ll even sing along,” I lightly threw the little mermaid at her and she finally looked in my direction.
“I can’t do this Nick,” she whispered her eyes filling with tears before she quickly looked away. I sighed sitting down on the bed next to her, it was becoming harder and harder to pull her out of her deafest moods, I didn’t know what else I could do to help her. A.J, Kevin and Brian had told me about how she was feeling, what she had told them but she wouldn’t open to me.
“Do what Willow?”
“Be with you,” I barely heard her whisper, and I wished that I hadn’t. She couldn’t mean it, it was the meds, it had to be, she loved me, she told me and showed me enough.
“Swee…”
“Please let me finish…I…You deserve better than this Nick, your young and you shouldn’t feel obligated to have to… to… to stay with me, please let me finish,” I said placing a finger to his lips as he began to say something. “You’re an amazing man Nick, you need to live your life and you can’t do that with me, I can’t give you what you want,” I struggled with a sob.
“You already give me what I want Will; I want you, no one else. We’ve been through this, I love you and I’m going to help you through this,” He replied shrugging off my comments.
“Nick, I’m being serious, I can’t do this, watching you here with me its killing me knowing that you can do better, Pease if you love me you’ll go,” I said not meeting his gaze.
“If you love me you’ll let me make my own decision,” He countered lifting my chin so I was finally looking at him. “Why are saying all this now? What’s changed?”
“I…I might not be able to have children, there’s just too much damage,” I whispered closing my eyes to try and stop the tears falling.
“Sweetie, they said that it may just be a bit harder than normal. We’re not even ready to have babies yet so why are you getting so upset?“ he said wrapping his arm around me.
“Dr Richmond came in and said that they have found scarring and that it would be almost impossible and that it wouldn’t be wise to even try because of the state of my back,” I mumbled sniffing back tears.
“Well then that’s something we’ll face when we come to it.”
“You want kids Nick, and you deserve to have that, that’s something I can’t give you, please this is something I have to do,” I said, trying to make him understand, but it wasn’t working, his eyes blue eyes were filled with sadness, his brow furrowed.
“Willow, I know you’re down sweetie but pushing me away isn’t going to help you, I love you I want to be here for you, in a few weeks your going to feel more like yourself. Your doing really well with the physio and you’ll be able to come home soon and we can get back to normal, so c’mon which movie do you want to watch?” He said and I knew that he wasn’t going to go easily, so I gave in and sat with him.
I walked off the elevator and onto the ward smiling at the nurses that I had come to know quite well but when Diane didn’t return my smile I felt my heart leap in to my throat.
“What is it?” I asked her as I approached the desk.
“Uh…I…I’m going to have to ask you to leave Nick,” she said glancing towards Willow’s room but I couldn’t see in as the blinds were drawn.
“What’s happened? Is something wrong?” I asked panicking slightly.
“She’s fine, she just… she doesn’t want to see you, she asked me to keep you away, I’m sorry.”
“What? No I’m sorry I came her to see her and I’m not leaving, Willow,” I called pushing past her trying to get to her room but I felt a hand on my arm stopping me.
“Please don’t make me call security Nick,” she pleaded.
“Diane… she’s being ridiculous she needs people around her, she’ll go crazy by herself please let me in.”
“Nick I’ve seen others do this, trust me in a few days she’ll see what she is doing and that she does need people and she’ll call you,” She said rubbing my arm but I knew with Willow that wouldn’t happen, she was doing this because she thought she was protecting me, doing what was best for me and she wouldn’t call even if she really wanted to. I had to get to her now or I risked losing her.
“You don’t know her, she won’t, she’s stubborn, please let me see her,” I begged but she stood firm and shook her head no, and that’s when I lost it, tearing my arm out of her grip, I strode towards the door calling her name. Security were fast to catch up to me and I was roughly pulled back before I could open her door, I struggled against them but it was no good and I gave in as they pulled me back.
“This isn’t over Willow, please don’t do this,” I heard him call and a sob caught in my throat.
I wiped the tears away from eyes and tried to concentrate on TV in front of me. He’d see that I was doing this for him and eventually he would understand, I didn’t want him to resent me when I couldn’t give him what he wanted and that’s what would happen in then end, I knew it would.
Talking to him to try and make him understand hadn’t worked and I knew that this was going to be the only way I could make him stay away, I was going to be here for weeks which would give me the opportunity to put some distance between us and for him to realise that I was doing this for him because I loved him.
I jumped when I felt Diane’s hand on my shoulder; I was so lost in my own thoughts that I didn’t even hear her come in.
“Sorry, didn’t mean to startle you, you ok?” she asked and I just nodded but she knew I was lying. “Came to check your vitals, you feeling any pain? Want any meds?” she asked taking my hand to check my pulse.
“No, I’m fine; can I get something to make me sleep though?” I asked and she frowned.
“I’d prefer that you didn’t, it’s better to get into a regular sleep pattern and its 1130 Willow, you want to talk?” she asked sitting on the bed.
“Not really.” We fell into silence as she took my blood pressure and temperature and I avoided her worried eyes.
“Ok, I’ll be back in a while to check on you” She said jotting something down in her file as she walked to the door but then stopped short of opening it and looked back to me, “He really loves you, he’s not going to go easy,” and with that she left leaving me to cry myself to sleep.
Chapter Twelve
I was starting to feel the burn in my calves, hell in the whole lower part of my body but I was determined to make it to the end of the bars.
“You ok?” Matt asked obviously noticing I was struggling, maybe it was the line of perspiration on my head that was the giveaway or maybe my deep breathing. The fact that I only nodded my response may have also alerted him. “It’s okay to stop, you’ve worked your ass off today,” he said trying to give me an out, a few weeks ago I would have taken him up on it but now I was more determined than ever. It was just a few more steps.
A few steps that seemed like a million miles away. Had it really been this difficult to learn to walk the first time round? After a few more minutes and a few steps where I felt like my legs were going to give way I made it to the end and sighed in relief.
“That’s great Willow, your really building up the strength again; I think we’ll call it a day though you look beat.” I smiled at Matt as I sat back down taking the weight off my legs and back.
“Thanks,” I said as he began to push me back to my room.
“I think tomorrow we’ll do a morning session in the hydro pool and then an afternoon session in the gym ok? I want to get you more confident on the crutches before next week, looking forward to going home?” he asked and I nodded glad he was behind me so that he couldn’t see my face. In reality I was dreading it, I was moving back in with my Mom and I knew she wasn’t going to keep Nick away. The only person who hadn’t yelled at me or told me how stupid I had been was Autumn, we actually hadn’t spoken about it, it was like she didn’t know but I knew it was only a matter of time before her true feelings about the situation came to light.
“Woah looks like someone is loved,” Matt said as we pulled up to my room. It was filled with Dora the explorer and the little mermaid balloons and I knew exactly who they were from. With his help I climbed onto my bed and looked around the room smiling at the sentiment. No Willow, you’ve moved on he has to too, this is for the best.
“Dora? God I get enough of that at home, I don’t need it at work too,” Matt exclaimed looking around the room.
“Your daughter like her?” I asked and he beamed over at me like he always did when the subject of his family came up and I knew that if Nick stayed with me he would never have that look, never get to be able to be a proud Dad.
“Does she, she’d be in heaven here,” he said writing in the file that was kept at the end of my bed.
“Take them,” I said to him.
“They’re yours Willow, they were a gift,” he said looking up.
“Matt, take them, they just remind me of something I would rather forget,” I sighed looking away from him.
“Want to talk?” he asked and I nodded no. “You know just because I am this good looking doesn’t mean that I don’t have a brain,” He joked and I laughed. “I might be able to help, sometimes it’s good to get another perspective on things you know,” he said sitting on the end of my bed. After a few minutes he knew that I wasn’t going to open up to him so he gave in and stood up. “Ok, I’ll take a few but I’m not taking them all,” he said gathering up a couple of the balloons. “I’ll see you bright and early tomorrow, don’t forget your water wings,” he joked as I poked my tongue out at him and he left. I had just picked up a magazine when there was a knock at the door and I looked up to Autumn.
“Hey you,” I said throwing the magazine down as she came in and smiled at me.
“Nice balloons, who they from?” she asked and I threw her a look as she sat down on the chair beside my bed. “Sorry I asked, still coming home next week?” she asked.
“Yep, back to my Mom’s yay,” I said sarcastically rolling my eyes.
“Your choice Will, there is another place you could stay,” she said picking up the magazine and flipping through it.
“You have stairs to your apartment, can’t do stairs yet,” I said but I knew that’s not what she meant. She stayed silent for a moment and I could tell she was considering something.
“I was talking about another home you have,” she said raising her eyes slowly and I sighed looking out of the window watching the birds fly.
“Don’t A, I’m doing this for him, don’t make me explain ok.”
“Fine, I’ll leave it for now,” she said returning her gaze back to the magazine and we fell into silence for a few minutes until I broke the silence.
“Could you do me a favour?” I asked and she nodded, “Could you go and get my stuff and take it to my mom’s?”
“Why? Won’t anyone else do it?” she asked knowing full well everyone was siding with Nick and trying to get me to see him again and I looked at her until she relented with a sigh. “Fine, I just hope you know how stupid your being.”
“Don’t, please I need a friend right now I just want to get back to normal,” I said trying to stop the tears from coming.
“Your never going to get back to normal without him Will and you know it, but I’ll be your friend and be supportive just don’t expect me not to hang with Nick ok, he’s my friend now too and you should know I don’t like to see my friends get hurt,” she said a hint of anger in her voice.
“Fine, look I’m kinda tired so I’m gona get some sleep ok? I’ll call you later,” I said glad that she got the hint and got up to leave.
“Ok, see ya,” she said stalking out of the room leaving me in silence and only then did I let the tears fall.
Chapter Thirteen
I wasn’t even listening to the play back of the track, I was just staring at the screen of the computer, at the picture of her that had been more wallpaper for so long. A picture that she hated but a natural picture of her that I loved. She was sat on a gig box cross legged, her hair pulled into a messy ponytail and she looked tired as she concentrated on playing the guitar. I finally blinked a stopped staring at the screen when I heard Autumns voice behind me.
“Hey.”
“Hey, how did you get down here?” I asked looking to her.
“Aaron let me in, how you doing?” she asked sitting down beside me and I sighed running my hands through my hair as I stretched out in the chair.
“Starting to get pissed off now, it’s been eight weeks. She’s been avoiding my calls, I can’t see her, I’m going crazy… I …I don’t know what else to do,” I admitted my voice trembling slightly.
“Nick I don’t know what to say, she’s being stubborn, she asked me to come and get her stuff today,” she said lightly almost as if she didn’t want to tell me.
“No, if you do that then… then no Autumn tell her to come get it herself, maybe then she can see what she’s doing, that she’s making a mistake, that I still need her,” I said wiping away frustrated tears.
“Nick…,” she said getting up from her chair and pulling me into a hug. “I need to do this for her, I need her to feel that I am still her friend and that I kinda understand all her craziness, she’s been through a lot and she needs a bit of support and I don’t know maybe I can talk to her when she finally decides to open up and we can get this straightened out,” she said rubbing my back as I let my tears fall on to her shirt.
“Don’t let her take too long, she’s my life, I need her,” I whispered and she hugged me tighter.
“I’ll try honey, I promise I can’t stand seeing you both this miserable when you don’t have to be,” she sighed as I pulled away.
“How is she? Is she doing ok?” I asked wiping my eyes.
“Physically yeah, she can walk with a bit of support, she gets tired easily and her back hurts like crazy if she stays in the same position to long. She’s doing well considering they gave her a twenty percent chance of ever walking again, but emotionally she’s a wreck. She’s not sleeping properly; she’s snappy and avoids anything that might tell us how she’s really feeling. I can tell she misses you like crazy but she’s too stubborn to admit that she has made a mistake, she’s like you sweetie, miserable,” she said poking me lightly.
“She still being discharged on Monday?” I asked.
“Yes and I know what your thinking and I don’t think it’s a good idea, you go round there and your going to push her further away, you need to leave her for a while let me and her Mom work on her,” she said.
“I have to see her Autumn, I need to see her,” I whined.
“I know you do but do you really want to risk losing her for good?” she said and I nodded my head no. “So you gona help me get her stuff together?”
“She’s got loads of crap so I’ll pack it tonight and you can get it tomorrow ok?”
“That’s fine you gona be in all day?”
“Yeah…I… could you do me a favour?” I asked turning back to the computer in front of me and pressing a few keys.
“What sweetie?” She said standing up.
“Could you give her this,” I said placing the C.D in a box and handing it to her and she smiled taking it.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I placed the last of her clothes in the box and sealed it up. I surveyed the room one last time to make sure I had remembered everything and then my eyes fell on Layla. She was sat in the corner of the room her head resting on her paws and she was watching me intently.
“Come here,” I said patting the floor next to me. Her ears perked up then and she came to me, nudging my hands so I would pet her. “At least I still have you huh?” I said stroking her head. “You miss her too though don’t you?” She looked up to me staring me in the eye as if she was trying to answer me.
I leant my head back against the wall and that was when I noticed the photo album on the shelf in her closet. I pushed myself up off the floor and went to retrieve it. I remembered making this for our first anniversary and giving it to her as a present. I ran my fingers down the spine and then opened it coming face to face of a picture of us on the set of Backstreet’s Back. I carried on flicking through the album, remembering the significant times in our relationship, all the good times that we had shared. I got to the back page and noticed things that I had not added, movie ticket stubs, plane tickets from the vacations we had taken together, news paper clippings from Knebworth. I ran my fingers over the grainy picture of her face and then wiped my eyes quickly when a few tears spilt on the page.
I closed the book quickly adding it to a half filled box that was open and then went to my closet retrieving my tiger hoody and a few t-shirts I knew that she always slept in and placed them alongside the album.
Chapter Fourteen
“Do you know how much crap you have?” Autumn asked moving the last of my boxes up the stairs to my old room. I knew I was going to have to sort through it all and the majority of it would need to be put into storage until I found my own place. I never thought I would be coming back here when I moved out all those years ago, it felt weird being back under this roof when I had been independent for so long.
“Yeah I know, thanks hon,” I said looking around the room as I leant on my crutches.
“I’m just glad I didn’t have to pack it all up Nick must have been up all night finding everything,” she said and I winced when she said his name. “He misses you, you know, he’s fucking miserable.”
“Don’t…” I said knowing full well that this was going to be her rant and due to the amount of time she had stored it up it was going to be a big one. I realised now why she hadn’t said anything at the hospital, she ran the risk of being kicked out there but here there was nothing I could do, my own mom would probably take her side and join in.
“No Will, you’re going to listen to what I have to say. He is going crazy without you, how many times has he reached out to you in the last eight weeks? How much longer are you going to avoid him for? He hasn’t don’t anything wrong so why are you punishing him? He fucking loves you Willow and your just being a selfish bitch. I can’t stand seeing you and him this upset and miserable all the time just talk to him,” she said aggressively whilst she moved some of the boxes out of the way.
“Autumn you have no idea what I’m going through right now, so don’t fucking judge me be a friend and be supportive if you cant do that then maybe you shouldn’t come round anymore,” I snarled and she blinked at me for a second before grabbing her purse and walking towards the door.
“Fine, you have now succeed in pushing two people out of your life Willow, how many more are you gona loose? I hope you know how lonely your going to be,” She said digging around in her purse for something. When she found it, it was thrown in my direction and landed on the bed beside me and by the time I looked back to the door she was gone leaving me alone. I picked up the blank c.d. and studied it for a minute before the curiosity got the better of me and I put it in the c.d. player.
It's been seven hours and fifteen days
Since you took your love away
I go out every night and sleep all day
Since you took your love away
Since you been gone I can do whatever I want
I can see whomever I choose
I can eat my dinner in a fancy restaurant
But nothing ...
I said nothing can take away these blues,
'Cause nothing compares ...
Nothing compares to you
It's been so lonely without you here
Like a bird without a song
Nothing can stop these lonely tears from falling
Tell me baby where did I go wrong?
I could put my arms around every girl I see
But they'd only remind me of you
went to the doctor guess what he told me
Guess what he told me?
He said, boy, you better have fun
No matter what you do
But he's a fool ...
'Cause nothing compares ...
Nothing compares to you ...
All the flowers that you planted, mama
In the back yard
All died when you went away
I know that living with you baby was sometimes hard
But I'm willing to give it another try
'Cause nothing compares ...
Nothing compares to you
Who was I kidding? I was miserable and from the sound of it so was he. This wasn’t how things were supposed to work out, we were supposed to get married and have babies and live happily ever but life had screwed us over and now we could never have those things. I could never have those things, he still could if only he would realise that and move on.
Wiping the tears from my eyes I turned off the C.D player and looked into the box resting on my bed. I pulled out the photo album on the top and sighed as I flicked through it. It had been my preset on our first anniversary, he had put together an album of our first year together… I snapped it shut quickly trying to forget the memories.
I put my hand in the box again and closed my eyes as I felt his hoody, his tiger hoody that I had stolen so long ago. I pulled it out and bought it to my nose, it smelt like him so he must have worn it recently. I pulled it over my head and wrapped my arms around myself as I felt the sobs coming out in racking force, as I curled up on my bed.
Nothing Compares - Sinead O’Connor. AN: Amazing song if you haven’t heard it sung by her please try to! The Sterophonics also do a great cover!
Chapter Fifteen
I could hear someone insistently ringing the doorbell and for a moment I thought it was him and I felt sick to my stomach, I knew if I saw him I would come totally undone and loose any resolve I had left.
I looked out the window and saw the familiar car and sighed in relief, although it wasn’t a person I was eager to see, it wasn’t him. I called out that was coming and hobbled to the door on my crutches. When I finally made it I came face to face with Howie.
“Hey you,” he said standing on the other side of the door, leaning against the frame.
“Hi, come in,” I said standing aside to give him room and he accepted the invite. I followed him into the kitchen and sat across from him at the breakfast bar.
“Looking for somewhere else to live?” He said noticing all the real estate brochures, and the laptop spread across the work surface. I could feel the crimson of my blush rise through my face but I didn’t know why I felt embarrassed about it, I had already moved out from the apartment that we shared and it wasn’t likely that everyone thought I was going to stay here forever.
“Yeah me and Mom have always got on better when we live apart, you want a drink or something?” I said getting up.
“I’ll get them, you sit down,” he said as he went to the refrigerator and took out two cans of coke. “ Before I forget I came to give you this,” He said pulling an envelope from out of his back pocket and I froze for a moment before he said, “Don’t tell Leigh it was a bit crumpled she’ll kill me.” Wedding invitation not a letter from him, it was ok to finally breath again. I took it from him and opened it up, I knew as I read it I would be sending back that sorry but I can’t attend portion of the invite and I think he knew that too.
“Thanks I saw Leigh a couple of days ok,” I said before I took a sip of my coke.
“Yeah she said, told me you were doing well on the crutches so I had to come and see for myself. I kept meaning to come round and see you but with organising the wedding and recording the album its been a bit crazy, I know that’s no excuse.”
“It’s fine don’t worry, how’s the album coming?” I asked, interested to know what was going on his life, wanting to know that he was ok, that he had gotten over me.
“Yeah nearly done, we’re just going to New York next week to put the finishing tracks down. Then is radio promotion after that, Brian and Jay are going together, and then me and…” he hesitated for a second before continuing “Me and Nick are touring the stations they don’t do, means we can hit more stations but in a shorter time.”
“Cool, I cant wait to hear it.”
“Are we going to address the elephant that seems to be sat between us?” He said and I sighed. “Nick told me that you and Autumn aren’t speaking now?”
“How does he know that?” I asked surprised.
“Autumn and Chris started seeing each other so I guess he found out through Chris, Will what are you doing? Your pushing everyone away,” he said looking at through his big brown eyes and I had to turn away from him, my eyes being averted to the files on the table between us. “ Kev said that he’s tried calling, Alex said your avoiding his calls what’s going on?”
“I…You’re his family he deserves to have you guys and… and every time I see one of you I’m just reminded of him and its too hard. I just need to forget,” I said closing my eyes so the tears wouldn’t fall.
“Forget what? All the good times that you guys had together? If this was something that you really wanted it wouldn’t be hard for you, I know you haven’t made the right decision and I think you know you’ve well and truly fucked up but that’s not going to matter to him and we certainty aren’t going to judge you if your worried about that.”
“He just needs to move on,” I said finally building up enough courage to look him in the eye.
“Like you have? Can you honestly say you don’t love him?”
“I’m doing this because I do love him, because he deserves to have a family.”
“You can still have a family. You can be together and most importantly you can both be happy.”
“He put you up to this didn’t he?” I asked and it was his turn to sigh.
“No he didn’t, I came here because one of my best friends is hurting right now and he has already been through so much shit in his life that I wanted to try and help him. He deserves some happiness and he had that when he was with you.”
“Nothings going to change Howie, I’m not going to go back to him, and although I appreciate the invitation I’m really sorry but I’m not going to come to the wedding, it wouldn’t be fair,” I said handing it back to him. He stared at me for the longest time and then got up and just left, but not before sticking the invitation under a magnet so it would stick to the fridge.
Chapter Sixteen
There you go caught you crashing my dreams again
Just when I'm trying to get over you
I tell my heart but I can't seem to comprehend
A day without you
Now you carved out a life but I wear the scars
Reminding me by the hour
That it's time to accept it's the way the things are
I wish I could but
I can't imagine it any other way
A world without you is only wasted space
You're gone and I'll always wonder
Why you can't be any other way, any other way
“Are you even listening to me?” Howie asked and I turned to him a blank expression on my face. “I’ll take that as a no then,” he said throwing a fry at me which I just threw in the trash can beside me. “Ok who are you and what have you done with the real Nick Carter?” he asked and I just stuck my tongue out at him. “Dude one fry is not going to wreck your diet, live it up a little.”
“Not hungry,” I shrugged going back to what I was writing in my notebook as we waited to board the plane.
“Ok seriously who are you? Where’s my Nicky?!” He exclaimed shaking me lightly making a joke.
“He’s long gone,” I said under my breathe but he heard me.
“Nicky -”
“Don’t call me that, Willow calls me that,” I said cutting him off and he sighed.
“She’ll come round,” he said and I just chuckled. It had been just over three months since she had kicked me out of the hospital, I had called, wrote letters, sent flowers and gifts but she had changed her number and everything I had send had found its way back to me unopened. I just had to face the fact that she wasn’t coming home to me, that no matter how hard I tried she had made her decision. I knew she wanted me to get over her but I just couldn’t, it wasn’t as easy as she was making it out to be.
I was so down and there was nothing I could do to pull myself out of it, I wasn’t even excited about the new album, about going back out on tour, I could actually think of nothing worse, but I also didn’t want to be at home. Everywhere I looked I was reminded of her, of the good times that we had together, of the bad times we had shared, all the arguments and of all the fun we had making up.
“Are you sure your not going deaf?” I just looked up at him again and he sighed, “Flight has just been called, c’mon Kaos,” he said pulling my arm.
Since you drained all the color out of the sky
How am I supposed to feel
It's like I'm living in somebody else's life
Tell me it's not real
I cant imagine it any other way
A world without you is only wasted space
You're gone and I'll always wonder
Why you can't be any other way
I cant imagine it any other way
A world without you is only wasted space
You're gone and I'll always wonder
Why you can't be any other way
They all thought that I was still asleep, that I couldn’t hear them, usually on a flight that would have been the case. I always slept through them, that way I avoided crapping myself when we hit turbulence but I had actually been awake for the entire flight, faking sleep because I couldn’t be bothered with the conversation.
“I’m worried he’s going to do something,” I heard Alex say.
“Like what?” Brain asked.
“Hurt himself.”
“I know he’s down but he wouldn’t do that, where did you get that from?” Howie asked.
“I’ve had Chris on the phone and Shannon. Apparently he got really drunk a few weeks ago, said a few things and scared the shit out of both of them, saying life wasn’t worth it and shit,” he said and I could hear a hint of fear in his voice.
“Does he remember he said that?” Brian quizzed.
“They don’t think so, he woke up the next morning and carried on like nothing had happened.” I did remember, I remembered everything about that night, getting so shit faced to try and forget, but it had backfired and I had been hyper emotional, ending up crying for hours to Shannon and Chris and Autumn. Then I had spent the rest of the next day with my head down the toilet from all the fucking tequila. I had been serious too, I had wanted to end it but I was just to chicken shit to do anything about it.
“It was just the alcohol, you can’t remember that you told me that I should cut my hair cause I was starting to look like a girl and that you were partially attracted to me,” Howie said.
“Fuck off I did not say that………Did I?” A.J asked and I had to bite back a chuckle.
“Kinda yeah,” Brian agreed.
“Well I obviously scared you enough to have it cut off but we’re getting away from the subject here, should we be worried?”
“Of course we should, he’s not himself, but I don’t think bringing it up is going to be what he needs, we just need to keep an eye on him that’s all.”
“That’s going to be difficult considering he is in recluse mode and will head straight for his room when he hit the hotel,” Jay said and it scared me how well he knew me, though I’m not sure why I had known him for fifteen years.
Like we never had a falling out
Like the tears, they never hit the ground
Like you're still here, you're still here
Since you drained all the color out of the sky
I cant imagine it any other way
A world without you is only wasted space
You're gone and I'll always wonder
Why you can't be any other way
(Why does it have to be, why does it have to be)
A world without you is only wasted space
You're gone and I'll always wonder
Why you can't be any other way, any other way
I nearly hit the roof when I felt the hand pat my shoulder. I looked quickly behind my back as I pulled the headphones from my ears.
“Sorry Dude,” Brian said laughing.
“How the hell did you get in here?” I asked as my heart rate returned to normal.
“Door wasn’t locked, I knocked but got no reply,” he said pointing to the IPOD as he took a seat on the couch. “You okay?” He asked picking up the small stress ball designed to look like a basket ball.
“Fine why wouldn’t I be?” I shrugged as I closed my notebook.
“I haven’t really had the chance to speak to you one on one for a bit, just wanted to check,” he said throwing the ball from hand to hand.
“I’m not gona hurt myself like you all think I will,” I said as I started to boot up my laptop.
“So you were awake?”
“Yeah and I don’t need you babysitting me or worrying about me.”
“Well we are worried, your not going to be able to stop that. I just don’t know what to do to make you feel better Frack,” he said using a nickname that he hadn’t used in a while.
“You can’t do anything. I just I feel like I’m in a bad dream that I can’t wake up from. I’m so sick of feeling this way, she’s the only person I’ve been truly happy with, its been the only period of my life where I have felt happy and content and now its gone and I don’t know what I’ve done,” I said feeling another headache build up behind my eye.
“You didn’t do anything Nick.”
“Then why is she doing this? Huh? Tell me I want to know.”
“I don’t know what to say man, I just think she’s confused and I think that she feels she is doing the right thing so that you can have a family.”
“I don’t give a fuck about any of that stuff, I don’t want a family if its not with her. Why cant she see that?”
“I don’t know buddy I really don’t know.”
Any Other Way - Backstreet Boys
