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I opened my eyes and realised that I was resting on someone’s chest and that’s when the events of the past few days unfolded in my head. I moved my head and looked up to come face to face with a beautiful pair of blue eyes smiling down at me.

“Hey,” he whispered and I smiled back to him wincing slightly when I tried to move but my back screamed in protest, “You ok?” he asked concerned.

“My back doesn’t like how I’ve been laying, I’ll be fine in a minute,” I said interlacing his fingers with mine and he squeezed back, “How long was I asleep for?” I asked.

“About an hour,” He replied before kissing my head. We stayed silent for a while and I snuggled into his chest more, finally realising how much I had missed this. Just being with him, I felt protected and safe in his arms.

“I’m sorry Nick,” I said quietly as I felt the tears spring to my eyes.

“Baby, don’t cry. You’re here now and that’s what matters,” he said pulling me into his chest and kissing my head but what he said just made it worse and I started sobbing. He moved onto his side then so I would have to move as well and he looked directly into my eyes wiping away the tears with the pads of his thumbs. He said nothing just stared at me for a few moments before he lent in and kissed me so softly, as if I would break or disappear. He pulled back after a few seconds, smiling at me and I had to blink back more tears. I weaved my hands through his hair and he closed his eyes at the feeling, it had always been something he had loved, said it was relaxing, then I bought his forehead down to rest on mine and lent my mouth up to kiss him.

I felt her tongue brush against my bottom lip and opened my mouth slightly to give her the access that she wanted, she sighed into my mouth when my tongue came into contact with hers. When I pulled back from the kiss and looked into her eyes I knew what she wanted, and I would have been lying if I said I didn’t want it too. She rolled over onto her back and pulled me with her, opening her legs so I could rest comfortably between them.

I leant down again to kiss her as I grazed my hand up and down her side. Her hand hands trailed down my back, lightly scratching it before she started tugging at my t-shirt and started to lift it up so I could take it off. I pulled away from her long enough to remove it and she sat resting on her elbows just watching me, throwing the t-shirt across the room I went back to her laying her down again as I lifted her top up tank top over her head. I attacked her neck with little frenzied kisses making her sigh while she massaged my scalp tugging at my hair slightly, a sensation she knew I loved. I grabbed hold of her thigh and threw her leg over mine and she rose her hips up to mine making me even harder if that were possible.

She pulled my head up to hers and kissed me again as I rolled us so that she was resting on top of me. She sat up and just smiled down at me through her tears as I reached my hand up to stroke her face, she closed her eyes and lent in to it smiling deeply whilst she rubbed her hands up my arms and down my chest. I bought her head back down to mine so I could kiss her again, my hands snaking round to undo her bra which I then threw across the room. She sat up quickly and moved down my legs, trailing kisses down my chest, fumbling a bit when she reached the buttons of my jeans and I sighed in both nervousness and anticipation. It had been so long since we’d had sex I knew I probably wouldn’t be able to last long, I had to try and make this last but when I felt her hands on me cupping my balls I nearly came right there.

I sat up taking her hands in mine as I gently laid her back down and started to trail kisses from her neck down between the valley of her breasts, down her stomach darting my tongue in her bellybutton making her giggle slightly. When I came to the waist band of her trousers I stopped for a moment and then peeled them off her but left her panties. There was a wet patch that I could see and feel when I rubbed my hand across her and she gasped at the sensation. I slowly and deliberately kissed along the top of the fabric before I tugged at them and pulled them down her legs.

She spread her legs trying to guide me to where she needed me to be but I started to kiss the sensitive skin on the inside of her thighs. When I knew she was concentrating hard on the sensations she was feeling I closed my mouth around her clit and she started to pant, her hands enclosing round my head to bring me up to her. Once again I kissed and licked my way up her body, kissing her when I reached her mouth. She raised her hips up slightly and I could feel her wetness as my tip rubbed against her, we both groaned as I slowly entered her, she was so tight around me and I knew that we both wouldn’t be able to last long.

I slowly began moving, my eyes fixed on hers and we both watched each other intently. I ran my hand down her thigh lifting her leg slightly and holding it there so I could thrust deeper. There were no words, we didn’t need words to express how we felt, all that could be heard was the sounds of us moving against the sheets and the increase in our breathing as we came closer to the end, she started panting and her hands griped at my arm as her walls tightened around me. I rested my forehead on hers watching her as she came.

“I love you,” he whispered before he let himself go inside me and I just started sobbing again I couldn’t help it. He pulled out of me and rolled to the side taking me with him, wrapping his arms around me and pulling my head into the crock of his neck and he tried to calm me down. “Shhh baby it’s okay, it’s okay, shhh,” he said as he gently rocked me and planted feather like kisses on my head. After a few minutes I was able to get control over myself but because I had been crying to so much I began to hiccup making him giggle.

“I…I love you Nick, I’m so…so…sorr…sorry,” I whispered as I started sobbing again. He pulled me back in close and began to rock me again, just letting me cry which was exactly what I needed.

“God Will, I love you,” he said.

“You do?” I hiccupped as I pulled away looking at him questioningly.

“Course I do, I could never stop loving you c’mere,” he whispered.

“I’ve been such a bitch Nick, I pushed you away and… and …and,” I couldn’t finish what I was saying as sobs over took again.

“Sweetie you’ve got to stop this, calm down and we can sit and talk,” he said rubbing my back trying to get me to settle and after a while I did pulling back from him and wipe my eyes. I opened my mouth to say something but closed it abruptly how in the hell could go about explaining to him?

“I don’t know where to start,” I said honestly and he tilted his head to look at me, like he was studying me as if I were going to disappear again.

“Food. How about we order some room service and then we can figure this whole thing out?” He said and I nodded.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter twenty three

She was picking at the pizza, totally focused on her slice and I was totally focused on her. It felt as though she was going to disappear at any moment, like this was all some cruel trick and I would wake up alone, all alone without her.

“I don’t know how I am ever going to make this up to you,” she said still not making eye contact with me and I just kept quiet so she could continue. “I know that I’ve really hurt you and I…I never, that was not what I wanted to do, I didn’t want you to- god I can’t even get my words out,” she said sighing and then tossed the pizza back onto the plate.

“You’ve been through a lot Will,” I said and she finally looked up to me, her eyes still read and puffy from all the crying that she had done earlier.

“That’s no excuse for what I did. I want to try and make you understand why I did what I did but every time I go over it in my head the more pathetic it seems.”

“Tell me,” I said reaching over and squeezing her leg.

“Everything was just so messed up Nick and I was so down, you know how independent I am and to have to have people help me do the simplest of tasks was just so difficult. I…everything was just too much. I know that I had a great support system around me but half the time I just felt like I was a burden on everyone, especially you.”

I cut her off then. “Don’t you ever think you were a burden to me, I was there with you because I wanted to be with you not because I felt I had to be there.”

“I’ve really messed up Nick,” she said wiping the tears that had started to fall. “Everyone hates me, and I’m scared that I’ve lost you too.”

“You’ll never loose me, I don’t know what you would have to do to loose me. Nobody hates you either, it’s exactly the opposite everyone was concerned about you. Willow I love you and nothing is ever, ever going to stop that. You make me so happy, I can talk to you about anything, I can be a total goof around you, I can cry around you I can laugh with you, I can be 100% myself around you and I love that. I love that you love me despite all my bad habits and insecurities and I love that you can be exactly the same around me. I love you do you understand that?” I asked grabbing for her hand and she shook her head yes. “You mean the world to me, I would give up everything for you, I would lie down in front of a train for you,“ I said making her laugh a little, “Just don’t ever shut me out again,” I said stroking her cheek.

“You sure you still want me?” she tried to joke but I could tell she meant what she said.

“Always,” I whispered bringing her lips to mine so I could kiss her.

………………………………...............................................................................................

We spent the rest of the afternoon and evening talking, kissing and making love. Reconnecting with one another and it was heaven. Well heaven until my back started its angry protest halfway through the last time we had been having sex, but the warm water and vapours from the bubble bath were starting to soothe it.

I rested my head back against the edge of the tube and sighed contently. That was until I felt his foot prod at me and it was like we had never been apart. Like I had just woken up from a nightmare.

“Get your feet off me Carter,” I said not opening my eyes. I should have known that was going to be a mistake when I heard the water slosh and then felt something on my face. My eyes snapped open and I came face to well foot, I pushed it away quickly. “Your so fucking gross,” I yelled over his childish giggle.

“What? It’s funny,” he said laughing from the other end of the tub, his hair sticking every which way and his cheeks flushed from the heat of the bath.

“Feet are not funny, they are disgusting especially yours,” I said and he retaliated by splashing me with water. “I’m trying to have a peaceful bath,” I whined.

“Peaceful? Did you really think it was going to be peaceful with me in it as well?” he said picking up a handful of bubbles and smashing them against his face. “What do you think? Should I grow a big bushy beard? You can call me Captin Bubble beard.” I cracked up laughing at that and then picked some of my own up and placed them on his chest.

“You may need to grow some here first,” I joked and he splashed me again.

“That was just mean, damn baby how hot do you have your bath?” he said blowing hard out of his mouth to try and cool at least his face down. He forgot that he still had his “beard” and the suds went flying most of them ending up in his eyes. “I’m blind, I’m blind,” he moaned as he started flinging water up at his face to rinse it all out.

“Mellow dramatic.”

“Seriously baby this water is like scalding me, you really need it this hot?”

“I like it this temperature, helps my aching muscles. Now just relax and listen to the music,” I said resting my head back again as I closed my eyes.

He didn’t even last thirty seconds.

“I can’t believe you did that,” I said looking over to him. He looked like he was about to burst trying to hold his giggles in.

“I thought you liked Jacuzzi’s baby.”

“Not when they are made by your ass, Nick it stinks,” I whined and he just laughed.

“You love it,” he said and I just rolled my eyes.

I heard the knock at the door and looked over to him with longing eyes. He got the message and started to get up out of the bath. He really had lost weight, he was far more toned and he had more definition in his shoulders and arms but he still had a little tummy, it was something he was never going to get rid of, a fact which he hated but it was something I loved about him.

“I guess I’ll get that then huh?” he said as he wrapped the bathrobe around himself and left the room. I stretched out in the bath and rubbed my neck with to ease some of the tension there, then I pulled the plug and felt the water move around me.

I wrapped the towel around myself and walked into through the bedroom where I could hear him talking to Howie.

“That’s fine we’ll just tell them that your sick,” I heard him say before I walked through.

“Your not going to pull a sickie just because I’ve shown up, your working tomorrow,” I said as I wrapped my arms around his waist from behind and he sighed. “Howie he’ll meet you bright and early tomorrow morning,” I said smiling to him.

“6am then Nick,” Howie said before he turned and left the room.

I followed Nick into the bedroom and watched as he pulled a pair of boxers on after he took of his bathrobe.

“Too hot Babe?” I asked and he just nodded going back out to sit in the living room. After I dried myself I pulled on one of his t-shirts and hung the towel back up in the bathroom, and then I followed him into the living room. He was laid across one of the couches, staring at the TV that was not switched on. “You know its more interesting if you switch it on,” I said sitting on the coffee table across from him and he threw me a small smile. “Are you mad cause I’m making you work tomorrow?

“No. I just thought it would be nice to spend the day together.”

“I’m not going anywhere Nick, I promise,” I said taking his hand in mine giving it a squeeze. He looked away then and I knew he was trying to hide the tears that were in his eyes and I had to keep my own back. I moved to perch on the edge of the couch and kissed his hand, “You haven’t told me how you felt or feel, all afternoon its been about me, talk to me,” I asked.

“I’m fine,” he lied looking to me.

“Fine?” I queried, “So you’ve not been angry at me? Frustrated? Unhappy? I can’t be believe that you don’t resent me for what I did,” I said and he pulled his hand away from me so he could sit up.

“You want me to be mad at you?” He questioned.

“I want you to tell me how you feel Nick, you never share your emotions and you can be so hard to read at times.”

“Why do you think I’m like this Will?” He said scooting back so he could put his legs on the floor.

“I know about your past Nick, I know why you do it but I would have thought you could open up to me.”

“You mean like you have the past four months?” I stayed quiet then letting his hurtful words sink in. He sighed, resting his head in his hands. “Sorry I didn’t mean that,” he apologised.

“Yes you did and your right I should have talked to you more and I should have let you in. We both suck at communicating baby.”

“I know. I just, can we talk about this later? I have to be up early and I think that it would be a long talk,” he said wrapping his arm around me and I fell into him finally resting my head in his lap so I could look up to him.

“You just want more sex,” I said and he laughed at me, “Don’t you deny it.”

“I think this has to be the longest that I have gone without sex,” he said running his hands through my hair.

“What round will this be then Mr Carter?” I asked and I moved so I could straddle him, feeling his excitement through the fabric of his boxers.

“I lost count after five,” he said as he began to kiss my neck.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter Twenty Four

“The Backstreet Boys everybody,” The DJ announced, “Well at least two of them,” he corrected.

“Wassup was sup,” I said into the microphone.

“So guys how you doing?”

“Good,” Howie answered.

“Like Tony the Tiger I feel GREEEEAAAT,” I giggled making Howie look at me like I was insane.

“I think he’s on a little caffeine high today so I apologise,” he said patting me on the back. It wasn’t a caffeine buzz at all, I only had enough time for half a cup, it was because I had spent all afternoon with her yesterday and I knew that she wasn’t even ten feet away from me in the green room, if I turned I would be able to see her, that was enough to make me feel amazing.

“So the albums done?” he asked.

“Not quite, there’s just a few more tracks that need a bit of work,” Howie answered.

“Have fun with this one? Is it any different from other backstreet albums or are we going to know its you?”

“We have experimented a bit more this time round but there are definitely some backstreet classics on there,” I answered.

“Okay stay tuned to hear more from Nick and Howie they’ll be right back after this track picked out by Nick.”

He turned and blew me a kiss and I smiled at him as the opening chords to Bon Jovi’s Always played. He could be such a sap at times but I would be lying if I said I didn’t like it, what girl wouldn’t love it when her boyfriend paid enough attention to know what her favourite song was and make it their song?

I blew him another kiss before he turned back around and then reached into my purse when my cell started to go off.

………………………………..........................................................................................

“Yeah I know and I’m sorry to mess you around but I’ll let you know by the end of the day, Thanks bye,” I said hanging up the phone and sighing not realising that I had been overheard.

“You okay?” Howie asked sitting next to me as we waited for Nick to finish up with a few radio I.D’s.

“Great,” I said smiling at him and I was. The only problem was something I had agreed to before I had come to find out whether Nick and me were still good.

“You didn’t sound to happy on the phone,” he prodded.

“Have you guys set an itinerary yet?” I asked trying to work some stuff out in my head.

“Europe and Japan at the beginning of October for promo tour and then back here doing the rounds for the rest of the month, possibly second single in November and then tour in the new year. Why do you ask?”

“Simon Cowle has asked me to be a judge on X-Factor. It means spending the rest of the summer over there and I’d be there till mid December at least, he needs a decision by the end of today.”

“Wow head hunted by Simon Cowle himself huh? Take it he offered before you came to sweep Nick of his feet?” He said and I smiled at the crazy imagery in my head.

“Yeah. This is an amazing opportunity for me it’s something I would really love to do but we’ve just got back together and we still have a lot to work through it was going to be hard enough doing that with all that was happening with him but throwing being a few thousand miles apart,” I sighed rubbing my temples.

“Have you mentioned it to him?”

“No I totally forgot myself what with everything that’s happened in the past few days. He’s not going to like it.”

“Talk to him, if this is something you really want to do then go for it, he’ll understand Willow maybe not straight away but he will eventually. I would have thought that you would know life’s too short, you shouldn’t have any regrets.”

“Yeah I hear you.”

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“Your quiet today, you okay?” He asked when we got back to the hotel.

“I need to talk to you about something,” I said sitting down on the couch and patting the space beside me. He looked at me cautiously but then sat down. “I’ve been…I want you to be honest with me and if you don’t want me to do this then I won’t.”

“Do what?” He asked.

“About a month ago I got a phone call from Simon Cowle saying that they were adding a new dimension to the show and they wanted the winner to be able to write credible songs, he said that he wanted me to be the one to tutor them, he also said that he wanted me to sit on the panel of judges.”

“Wow,” he said, “Do it I think it would be good for you. He must really want you I mean to try and recruit you this early American Idol doesn’t even start till next summer.” The smile that had crossed my face when he had offered his support faded when he had misunderstood me. “What?” he asked sensing my change in mood.

“It’s not American Idol, it’s X-factor in the UK and it runs through the winter, I’d have to be on a flight next Tuesday,” I said watching his face fall a bit.

“But its only August, why do you have to leave so early?”

“All the auditions, they want me there for that as well. The auditions would run for three weeks up and down the UK then we would have a week off where I could fly back here to be with you. Boot camp is the following week for two days and then the rest of the week I would be helping the three judges decide who to have in their area of the competition.”

“They’d need you there all the time?” He asked.

“Yeah I’d be running writing work shops during the week with the nine that made it through and I would be on the panel at the live show on Saturday. If you don’t want me to do it then I won’t but he needs a decision by eight tonight.”

“I don’t really think that this is my decision to make.”

“I want to know what you think about it.”

“I think that its an amazing opportunity for you,” he said avoiding my real question.

“I want to know how you would feel about it.”

“It’s not the best timing and I can’t say I would be pleased about it.”

“Then I won’t go, I won’t do it,” She said.

“If this is something you want to do I’m not going to stop you,” I said making her think about her hasty decision.

“No your right the timing is way off, we need to focus on us for a bit and we can’t do that if we’re separate, I call him and tell him thanks but no, maybe next year.”

“If that’s what you want,” I said and she shook her head yes but I could tell that she was lying.

“I’m going to take a bath, now you can join me IF you promise to behave yourself,” she said pointing a finger at me.

“I only annoy you because I get bored just sitting in the tub.”

“Well then maybe this will keep you occupied,” she said pulling a toy boat out of her bag and I cracked up laughing.

“When did you get that?”

“This morning when I was getting coffee while I was waiting for you. Can you be good and play nicely with your boat and leave me in peace?” She asked raising her eyebrows questioningly at me.

“I’ll try. I’ll be in a few minutes I just need to make a few phone calls,” I said as I watched her walk into the bathroom so she could run a bath, when I heard the door shut and the water running I dug through her bag for her phone.

The water was so soothing against my aching back and I sighed in satisfaction taking in the sweet aroma of the citrus bubble bath. Then I sighed again for an entirely different matter. I knew that being away from him for a another four months would not do our relationship any good but I also knew giving something like this up would not be a good move career wise, this would make me more well known for being a writer instead of Nick Carter’s Girlfriend, I also knew that once your turn Simon down there were no second chances, he wouldn’t ask again.

I heard the door creak open and heard his voice but he wasn’t talking to me.

“Yeah she’s right here,” he said handing the phone to me without telling me who was on the other end. I took it after wiping my hands dry on the towel.“ Willow great news that your decided yes, I had my doubts that you were going to join us when I called this morning,” Simon said and I just looked at Nick in confusion.

“Simon no you’ve got it wrong, I can’t do it I’m sorry I just have to much going on in my personal life right now,” I said.

“Nick said you would make that excuse and told me not to listen to you. Your booked on the 1030 BA flight from Orlando on Tuesday, they’ll be a car waiting for you at Heathrow and I’ll meet you on Wednesday at the hotel, I’m not taking no for an answer,” he said sternly.

“I…I…I guess I’ll see you next week then,” I said glancing over to see Nick Smirking at me.

“You want this Baby, I can tell you do,” he said after a few minutes of silence. “it’s a few months and I can fly out and see you, I’ve practically got most of November and December off anyway.”

“Your okay with that?” I asked.

“This is a great opportunity for you, you would be insane to turn it down. It’s a few months, we’ve already done four months apart I’m sure we can handle this.”

“Yeah but we’ve still got a lot to sort out.”

“It’s still going to be there when you get back. Don’t make me drag you onto that plane Abrams,” he said in a stern voice but I could tell he was joking.

“That was scary you were starting to sound like Kevin.”

“Er is Sweden in Norway?” he asked quickly and I laughed so hard that I could feel tears in my eyes.

“Your such a goon,” I said and he smiled at me.

“Can’t have people think that I’m smart or something.”

“You are smart, your just a tad blonder that’s all,” I said and he stuck his irresistible tongue out at me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter Twenty five

I could hear the music blasting from down the hall and knew that when I rolled over her side of the bed would be empty. I looked at the clock and groaned when I realised that it was only seven thirty there was no way I was getting up yet.

When I realised that getting back to sleep would be futile I pulled myself out of bed and stretched trying to rid the sleep from my body but it didn’t work that well and I was still rubbing my eyes when I walked into the kitchen to poor myself a cup of coffee. She wasn’t anywhere to be seen but I could hear her singing along to the music and walked towards the utility room. I lent against the door frame and watched as she swayed her hips to the music, lost in her own world not even realising I was there. To look at her you would never had guessed that seven months ago she was close to death, physically she didn’t have many scars but there were a lot emotionally.

I had had to pull over twice yesterday as we drove home from the airport, I knew I was a pretty reckless driver, I hardly ever indicated and speeding was a bit of a problem for me but it had never effected her before. I should have realised that she would have been on edge but I hadn’t expected a full on panic attack, the usually forty minute journey had taken well over two hours and she had ended up taking over driving.

She turned to grab the washing powder from the shelf behind her and saw me and big grin spreading across her face as she continued to sing.

“Your skin, oh yeah, your skin and bones, turn into something beautiful, you know, you know I love you so, You know I love you so,” she said singing to me as she finished loading the washer and switched it on. “Morning sunshine,” she said wrapping her arms around my neck as she kept swaying in time to the music and I had to try and resist moving so I wouldn’t spill my coffee.

“The sun is barely up,” I said through a yawn.

“We have three days till I have to leave again and I have a shit load of stuff do to,” she said going to the dryer and putting in wet clothes that she had already washed.

“Laundry won’t take three days,” I said leaning back against the washer.

“True but I have stuff to move back in here and I should really say goodbye to a few people.”

“I refuse to help you pack again, do you know how long it took me to pack all your shit up before?”

“But Nicky, if you don’t help me it’s just going to take longer, then there will be no time left for other things,” she said raising her eyebrows at me.

“You’re a pain in the ass do you know that?” I said yawning again and she just rolled her eyes at me.

“Yes I know I know. Now showered and dressed in half an hour MR, we should be able to get everything done today,” she said moving me out of the room and towards the shower.

Forty minutes later I was fully awake, washed, dressed and was halfway through eating some toast and it was eight fifteen. I didn’t even know eight had an am. I heard the doorbell ring followed by Willow shouting at me to answer it because she was busy.

“Alright I’m coming,” I yelled at the person the other side of the door impatiently pushed it again.

“Damn Carter I didn’t expect you to be up this early, holy Jesus your actually dressed as well,” she said as I lent down to make a fuss of Layla.

“Ha ha,” I said to her joke as I was licked to death by my dog, “ Hey girl, she been treating you well?” I asked her and was just licked in the face again.

“Of course I have, we’ve had fun haven’t we?”

“Thanks Autumn I really appreciate it. Yes she’s here,” I said noticing how she was craning her neck around the apartment.

“So things are good? She’s moving back in?” She asked excitedly.

“Yeah, we’re going back to her Mom’s to collect her stuff tod-” I was cut off by Willow.

“Who’s at the door baby?” She asked coming round the corner, stopping short when she spotted Autumn.

“Hey stranger,” Autumn said smiling at her.

“Hi,” she said and then quickly moved to hug her best friend. “I’ve missed you,” she whispered.

“It was for your own good but I’ve missed you too,” Autumn said squeezing her tightly.

“I want you at your Mom’s in an hour, Autumn you can help too,” I said as I grabbed my car keys and kissed her on the head as I left.

“Love you baby,” she called after me.

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I sighed as I hung up the towel to dry. Three days had flown by to quickly and I really didn’t want to leave tomorrow but I knew that I had to, I needed to do this for myself and make the end of this year a positive one so I could focus on that rather than the negative start I had.

I shut off the light and walked through the door into the bedroom. I stopped in the doorway for a few minutes just looking at him asleep on the bed. He was sat up slightly, leaning back against the pillows, the remote was in his hand and the TV was playing to no one. His mouth was open and he was snoring slightly and I smiled finally realising how good I had it, how lucky I was to be loved by this man. It didn’t matter that I had shut him out, been totally selfish and hurt him more then he would ever let on, he still wanted me and he still loved me.

Sitting down on the edge of the bed I made sure to jot a few things down on a pad so I wouldn’t forget them in the morning, I’d lost count of how many new toothbrushes and hairbrushes I’d had to buy over the years. I heard the soft thud and looked over realising that the remote control had fallen from his grasp as he had fallen into a deeper state of sleep, he moved slightly and started to snore more deeply.

I pulled back the covers and got underneath them, resting my head on his chest and wrapping one of my arms around his waist as I watched the movie he had put on before he had fallen asleep. I had missed this so much, I could live without sex if I really had to but the closeness of being next to him was something that I always craved and I knew the next few months were not going to be easy. Even though we had only been back together for a little under a week I was so used to being wrapped in his arms when I slept, sleep always came easily when I was with him because I felt safe and protected.

I snuggled more into his chest and the movement made him wrap his arms around me as he began to stir from sleep. I placed a kiss on his chest and took one of my hands in his.

“Night baby,” I whispered as I closed my eyes.

“Night,” he whispered back pressing a kiss to my head.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Twenty six

She looked out the window once I parked the car and I could tell she was second guessing her decision about going, that if I gave her the out she would take it straightaway but I wasn’t about to do that.

“We’re going to be fine,” I said rubbing my hand up and down her leg a few times and she turned to me throwing me a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes.

“You don’t think I’m deserting you again?” She asked taking my hand.

“No baby I don’t. This is a great opportunity for you so go and enjoy it and I’ll see you in a few weeks ok?” I said.

“I love you, you know that don’t you?” She said.

“Of course I know that and I love you too,” I said wrapping my arm around her shoulder before I pulled her closer to me and kissed her head.

“I’m going to miss this,” she said wrapping her arms around me as best she could while we were still sat in the car. She leant her head up then and captured my lips with hers in a kiss. I was about to pull away but she deepened the kiss and moved her hands lower so she could stroke between my legs and I could feel myself start to harden. I moaned into her mouth when her movements became harder and she pulled away from me, her face flushed. “You know it’s kinda sexy to think that people might be able to see and hear us,” she smiled seductively and I smiled at her as I unclipped my seatbelt so I could follow her into the back seat.

She pulled me closer and I fit snugly in between her legs that were propped up against the back of the front seats and we just made out for a few minutes. I felt her hands move lower again and pulled away so she could lower her jeans as I did the same. We didn’t have the time or the room to remove everything and I quickly pushed myself inside of her making her call out.

It was fast and hard and if people were walking past they had to know what we were doing but neither of us seemed to care as we both came with a cry. I lent my head on her chest as we both tried to catch our breath then after a few minutes I moved so I could pull my jeans back up and move into the front seat again.

“Aren’t you glad I went for tinted windows?” I asked as she pulled herself into the front seat. She smiled widely at me as she pulled down the visor so she could look at her reflection in the mirror.

“Definitely babe, good choice,” she said as she ran her hands through her hair and rubbed a spot on her cheek that was red from where my stubble had caught her. I looked at the clock on the dashboard and she followed my gaze her smile fading. “Guess I have to go huh?” She said.

“Yeah,” I said opening the door as she did the same. We were both quiet as I unloaded her cases and we walked towards the entrance of the airport. Being old pros we both walked through the airport on autopilot and all to soon we were going to have to say goodbye so she could clear security in time to catch the flight.

She placed her carry on stuff on the chair beside us and then wrapped her arms around my neck, giving me a kiss.

“You’ve got everything?” I asked and she nodded her head yes. “Toothbrush? Hairbrush?” I questioned again knowing that they were always the things that she forgot, I tended to forgot the charger to my phone, or the battery pack for the laptop.

“Everything is packed. I’ll call you as soon as I land,” she said running her hands up through my hair.

“You better. I’ll see you in a few weeks,” I said leaning down to kiss her again. She pulled away sooner than I had wanted and picked up her bag.

“Love you,” she said as she began to walk away. I kissed my finger tips and blew them towards her, making her smile.

“Love you too,” I said as I watched her walk through the security check point and out of my sight.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter Twenty seven

“Confidence is something that will happen Leon, you can build on that please don’t go out there tomorrow down hearted because today blew, use today to push yourself harder,” She said as she sat on the edge of the stage with whom I assumed was one of the contestants. She was so engrossed in talking to him that she hadn’t noticed me yet.

“I just think Simon’s right, I don’t have what it takes,” he said his head bowed.

“With that attitude you don’t, don’t make me and Sharon regret our decision to fight for you, prove him wrong.”

“That’s easy for you to say, you make it look so easy,” he said looking up to her.

“Trust me every time I think about tomorrow I want to vomit, being in the spotlight and having to talk or perform scares the crap out of me but it makes me perform better, nerves are good if you can learn how to use them.”

“She’s not joking she’s come close to puking I don’t know how many times before she’s gone on stage, and she doesn’t even sing lead vocals at many of her gigs,” I said and her head whipped round when she heard my voice a big smile spreading across her face.

“At least I don’t blame things on other people when I mess up,” she joked and Leon laughed at her. “You are going to be great, now go and use these last few hours to go and reherse,” she said nudging him as she got up to come over to me.

“Hey gorgeous,” I said picking her up in a hug before I kissed her.

“Your late,” she said as she pulled away from me.

“I was cornered by Sharon who insists that we have dinner while I’m here,” I said as I followed her through the maze that was backstage to her dressing room. Her notebooks were everywhere, she had accumulated two more guitars while she had been away, and there was books and magazines piled up on the side. She walked in quickly gathering things up and placing them in various piles. She was trying to hide how messy it was.

“You say I’m a slob,” I said sitting down on the couch as she stuck her tongue out at me.

“I’m so glad you’re here,” she said sitting down next to me and I wrapped my arms around her.

“I’ve missed you too,” I said kissing the top of her head. “Stressing out about tomorrow baby?” I asked and she nodded. “Your going to look great and your going to be great,” I said but she just sighed.

“It’s not me I’m worried about. They are all so nervous and I’m the one who had the final decision of the songs they are singing, what if I’ve fucked up and given them the wrong song?” She said.

“Chill out sweetie, they’ve had enough time to practice, to work out the kinks, it’s going to be fine. I see you’ve got some more guitars to add to the huge collection in the garage at home.”

“No actually, they are loaners so I can teach them a few basics when we have song writing sessions,” she said matter of faculty.

“How’s that going?” I asked stroking her hand.

“Not brilliant, some people just aren’t really born to write songs. There’s a few potentials but I’ve spoken to Simon about it and I don’t think he really thought it through, he wanted people to be singing their own songs half way through the competition but I just don’t see it happening. We’ve compromised, the final two shows will show case writing ability, that at least gives me some time to nurture the ones who can write, I just hope they are the ones that make it through.”

“So all the writing in those books is stuff you’ve just been working on?” He asked as he moved to try and whip one out of the pile but I was to quick and managed to stop him. It wasn’t that I was embarrassed about them or that they were private they were just unfinished, and I wasn’t quite ready to share them yet.

“Not ready to share?” he said moving back as if he could read my mind.

“You’ll hear them you know that,” I said getting up throwing my lip balm and bottle of water into my purse. I put on my jumper, and then wrapped the scarf around my neck, I hated the cold and England just sucked in October. He sat and laughed at me when I put on a coat and a pair of gloves.

“It’s not that cold Will.”

“I’m from Florida everywhere else is always cold.”

“I’m from Florida too and you don’t see me buttoning up for a blizzard,” he said standing up so he could put on a paper thin jacket.

“No you were born in New York in January you have an internal heating system,” I said retaliating and he laughed at me as he grabbed the hand that I held out to him.

“I seriously worry about your mind sometimes,” he said as we walked through the corridors towards the exit.

………………………………..........................................................................................

“Deep breathes sweetheart, your going to be fine. I’ll be right behind you the whole time,” he said rubbing my shoulders in a circler motion to try and calm me down.

It wasn’t working.

In a few minutes I would be live on television, I would have to talk and maybe even crtizie someone’s performance, to millions of people watching at home. I should have thought this all through before I signed on, I wasn’t ready for this, I would never be ready for this, being in the spotlight wasn’t for me. Playing guitar or keyboards in a band was where I belonged, writing songs for other people was where I belonged, not centre stage, forcing my opinions on people.

“Willow you’ve got the glazed look snap out of it,” he said walking around to face me.

“I think I’m going to be sick,” I said in all honesty looking for the nearest bin to stick my head in.

“No your not your going to be fine, you’ve played bigger crowds then this.”

“Yeah as the backup band, I’ve never spoken on camera.”

“Live 8.”

“Totally different.”

“How?”

“I was possessed.” A huge grin overtook him then and he began to laugh. After that a producer told him it was time to leave, that we would be going live in five minutes and I gripped onto his hand for dear life, I was not going to let go. He looked at me raising his eyebrows and then he looked down to our joined hands.

“Sharon, hold this will you,” he said pulling my hand out of his and placing it in hers. She squeezed back and smiled at me as he kissed my cheek and wished me good luck.

“Your going to be fine,” Sharon whispered as Dermot introduced us and the door parted so that I could see the audience for the first time.