May 26, 1999
Welcome to the Sunshine State Diary!
The best summer in the history of summers has officially begun! I got here last night and I haven’t been this happy since the last time I was here! These boys just make everything better. They had rehearsals so I got to see all of them yesterday. I am so excited for the tour! There’s one song that I’m already obsessed with. It’s called Spanish Eyes and I like to imagine it’s about me haha. Lame, I know, but I can’t help it. It’s a little after 7 am so Howie is still asleep. We were at rehearsals until pretty late last night. I should be tired myself, but I just can’t seem to go back to sleep, I’m too excited! Oh and I convinced my parents to let me fly out here by myself, they wanted to come with! Can you imagine? Them questioning all the guys, I would have died! I’m constantly trying to seem older, make them forget I’m only 17. I just feel like such a little kid around them. Nick is only 19 so I do relate to him the most, but still, he hasn’t been a “normal” kid since he was 12. I met A.J.’s on and off girl Amanda last night. Guess they’re back on? I don’t know, didn’t ask. I love her! They need to get back together so I can hang out with her. Still so sign of Nick’s girlfriend, I’m starting to think they broke up. God I wish he wasn’t so gorgeous. Who knew getting over a crush would be this hard? I always figured when I had a boyfriend I would get over all the other dumb crushes. We leave for Europe this weekend and I’m counting down the days. I’m with them now though, so I could be anywhere and be happy! How in the world did I get this attached to them so fast? It usually takes me a while to warm up to people. Maybe it was meant to be, it sure feels like it. Who would have thought? I think I hear Howie, I hope I didn’t wake him up! Remember Kristina, you have an amazing boyfriend!
Later!
Kris
May 28, 1999
Europe countdown is 1 Diary!
We leave tomorrow! I’m excited but nervous. This is so far from anything I’ve ever done! Today was a good day, the guys had the day off and they all came over just to hang out. I’m pretty much over being shy around them which I love. I just feel so comfortable, like I can say anything that’s on my mind around them. It really was a perfect day, relaxing before the craziness begins! Not that I will mind, I’m looking forward to the craziness! The guys say the girls in Europe are a tad bit crazier than the ones here. They better stay away from my man though! And from Nick or there will be problems! No, they can have Nick, remember, he’s not yours! I have a feeling that Kevin will be harder on me than my parents! He was already saying that I am not allowed in any places I would normally be allowed in! I guess clubbing in Europe is out of the question! That’s not really my thing anyway, but you know I had to fight him about it haha. It’s so sweet how he wants to take care of me though. I already feel like he is the big brother I never had. I’m going to go make sure I have everything packed and I will talk to you in Belgium!
Going to Europe!!!!!
Kristina
May 31, 2009
You’re in Belgium Diary!
Wow I’m so jetlagged! Took me a while to figure out what day it was! That was the longest flight ever! I’m in my hotel room right now; we were all beat so the guys went to bed. Yeah, I get my own room; I think Howie’s still being cautious with me. I know we haven’t been together long, but I just hope he gets over that soon. It’s nice that he’s trying to take it slow with me since I know there are a lot of things I’m probably not ready for, but I have a feeling that if I was a few years older it would all be very different. The first show is in 2 days! I’ll be backstage for the show. I really want to be in the audience for a show, but I decided to do that in England and Spain. I think it’s a good idea to be able to communicate with the other girls there. Can you imagine if they started talking to me? I would have no clue! We’re doing some sightseeing tomorrow, mostly for my benefit I’m sure, so I’ll be getting my first real look at Europe! I’m wondering what I’ll be doing at night since daddy Kevin said I can’t go out. I don’t want Howie to miss out on anything to stay with me. I don’t want him to start seeing my age as more of a negative. I hope we can find a McDonald’s! I’m not big into trying new things. I probably should though, when will I ever get a chance like this again? I just realized I’m falling asleep. Better go rest up.
Watch out Europe, I’m here!
Kristina
June 3, 1999
OH MY GOD DIARY!!!!
The concert was AMAZING! I guess I knew it would be, but it’s one of those things that you have to experience to truly know what it feels like to be there. It’s after 3 am and there is another show tonight so I should probably be sleeping, but I’m too excited to sleep. It was over so quick, I’m glad I have about 40 more shows to go to. Crazy, huh? I have never been to a Backstreet Boys concert and I’ll go to 40 in 2 months! I could get used to this that’s for sure. Oh, when we went sightseeing yesterday it was just Howie, Nick, and me. Yeah kinda awkward to say the least. Just on my part of course. Neither one of them has any idea what I’m feeling. And they shouldn’t, it would ruin everything! I will get over it eventually. Sometimes I feel like Nick feels the same, just by the way he looks at me or talks to me, but I’m probably reading too much into things and he’s just being nice. I mean, we just relate to each other because we’re about the same age and everyone we’re around is older, doesn’t mean he wants to be with me! And the girlfriend issue is still a total mystery. I better keep you well hidden, can you imagine if the wrong person got a hold of all this? And really, the wrong person would be anyone but me!
Night night!
Kristina
June 10, 1999
Have lots to tell you Diary!
Tonight I had my first in the audience Backstreet Boys concert experience! I had to beg the guys to let me do it, but I figured this was the best time to do it. No one knows who I am yet, after a while I’m sure my picture will start showing up in mags and stuff and I won’t get to do stuff like that. Can you imagine? Me in a magazine. It was super crazy and super fun! Being out there with the fans in a completely different experience. I could go a bit more crazy too haha. We’re in England now, and they have a few more shows here so I’m hoping I get to do it again. They might not want to me to by the time we hit Spain. It’s kind of annoying how protective they are but I kind of like it too! I’ve gotten so close to them already. I’m so totally conflicted here. I’m really starting to feel like I like Howie more as a friend than a boyfriend, and these feelings for Nick seem to be getting stronger instead of going away. But obviously I could never do that to Howie. If I ever break up with him its bye bye Backstreet life. And I don’t want to stay with him so I can keep being around them. But really, what guy would want to stay friends with a girl that breaks up with him? We were in Paris the last couple of days, and of course that place is romantic as hell. I kept catching myself thinking, “I wish I was doing this with Nick”. How messed up is that? Seriously, what is wrong with me? And I could never be with Nick. I could never come between them like that. I have a lot of thinking to do. It’s going to hurt like hell if I end up breaking up with him. I just really feel like we would be better as friends. We have so much in common; maybe we jumped into this dating stuff too fast. And now there’s no turning back. Guess I better get working on that thinking. I’ll let you know what I decide. Who knows, I might be back to reality next time you hear from me.
This sucks,
K
June 30, 1999
Ciao Diary!
You guessed, it we’re in Italy! I know it’s been forever. Yeah I’m still with Howie. I just decided to give it more time. He’s such a good boyfriend, what kind of idiot would break up with a guy like him? The past couple of weeks have actually been pretty good. I have to work hard at it, but I’ve been focusing on Howie and trying to forget about Nick. But how do you forget about someone you see every day? I’m usually alone at night. You know Kev won’t let me go out with them, and Howie likes to go out, I don’t want him to resent me for being the reason he doesn’t get to do what he wants. He stays with me some nights, so it’s not too bad. Sometimes I almost have to force him to go. He would stay every night if I let him, but I don’t want him to miss out because of me. Tonight was definitely the craziest night since we’ve been here. It was a night off, so Kevin, Howie, and A.J. wanted to go out. Like usual Brian and Leighanne were doing their own thing, and me and Nick were the kids left behind. I have been tempted to go hang out with him, but that wouldn’t help anything. Turns out they ended up going to this club/bar right here at the hotel. At first I stayed behind in my room like always. A little while late someone knocks on my door. It was A.J. He said it wasn’t right that Kev was making me miss out on all the fun, so he was taking me out. I wasn’t sure at first, but then I said what the heck. So I got ready and we went down to the club. He said I was his sister haha, and I had no problem getting in whatsoever. Yet another thing I could get used to! We found Howie, he was actually happy to see me so I stopped stressing. I was having so much fun, and then Kevin found us. Oh it wasn’t pretty! He was so mad! He thought Howie snuck me in so he was mad at him, then A.J. told him he did it. Well he wanted all of us outside. He said my parents trusted them to take care of me and that he took that seriously. God, daddy Kev is stricter than my real parents haha. So anyway, Howie went up to the room with me. He wanted to stay, but I told him to go ahead and go back. Then he said it, “you should go hang out with Nick”. I had no reason to say no, well not one I could tell him anyway. So I said “ok sounds good” and went and knocked on Nick’s door. I’m still trying to decide it that was a good idea or not. I’m definitely in love with him, there’s no going around that anymore. We just hung out and talked, and I know I wasn’t imagining it this time, there’s definitely something there. What am I going to do now? Your guess is as good as mine. Guess I’ll have to try to go back to staying away from him as much as I can. Not sure I can make myself do that after tonight.
Worst girlfriend ever,
Kristina
July 12, 1999
Hola Diario!
Welcome to Spain and Kristina’s drama filled life! Wow, where do I even start? Well, I’m not Howie’s girlfriend anymore, but I’m still kinda involved Backstreet Boy. Wow I sound like such a tramp, don’t I? How can I go from one guy to another like that? What am I even still doing here? I should be back home kicking myself for being so stupid. Here’s what happened. I couldn’t stay away from Nick, I kept hanging out with him on nights the other guys went out. We could both tell there was something between us and that was pretty obvious. I just kept telling myself it’s nothing, but then he said it. This all happened just a few hours ago. We were hanging out like always, and he just comes out and says he likes me. I tried to play it off like I had no idea what he was talking about, I tell him I like him too, that he’s a good friend and I like hanging out with him. How lame am I? So of course he says that’s not what he means, that there’s no way I can’t see what’s going on between us. I ask about his girlfriend. He says he doesn’t have one, that he broke up with her the first day he met me! Wow I didn’t see that one coming! He said that he just knew he would be with me eventually so there was no point in staying with her. What do you say to that? Well, what about my boyfriend Howie, of course. Nick said he could tell that there was something that just wasn’t there with us. That he knows we care about each other but he didn’t see a spark with us, like we were just friends. This is what I’ve been thinking for a month now of course. So long story short, I decide to talk to Howie. I pretty much tell Nick that this probably means that I’ll be going home and we won’t be together anyway, but I had to do it. I couldn’t stay with Howie after everything Nick said. It went surprisingly better than I expected. I told him I had to talk to him, and he said there was something he’d wanted to talk about just didn’t know how to do it. Summary, he feels the same way I do. He said he’s been feeling the friends vibe for a while but he was afraid to lose me as a friend too. Then he pretty much said I should go be with Nick! Ok what universe am I living in? He said that he could tell there was something between us and that he knew neither one of us would ever do anything about it because we didn’t want to hurt him, but that he wanted us to be happy and he thought us being together is what would make us happy! He pretty much left me without anything to say because he said everything I needed to say. I’m still not 100% sure if he meant everything. I’m pretty confused right now. We’re definitely not together anymore. As far as Nick goes, we’re yet to figure that one out. I don’t want to make things awkward between them. I guess we’ll just keep hanging out and see what happens. Am I a horrible person? You know, there are already pictures out there of me and Howie. What are people going to say when I’m with Nick all of a sudden? How did my life get so amazingly complicated?
Still a backstreet girl?
Kris
Author's Chapter Notes:
Updated chapter! I still might write a few more entires for it. This chapter will answer a lot of questions and set up the rest of the story.
