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It's not the wind that cracked your shoulder and threw you to the ground. . .
Who's there that makes you so afraid you're shaken to the bone,
You know I don't understand, you deserve so much more than this. . .

Good Enough by Sarah McLachlan

Taylor Brett sighed as she walked into the foyer of her house and dropped her briefcase. "Mike? Are you home?" She yelled out.


No answer. Sighing again, she said to herself, "Well, that's a relief. Maybe he won't be home for a while."


She slowly climbed the stairs to their bedroom, and changed out of her suit. She slipped on her fluffy bathrobe and ran a brush through her disheveled hair. Returning downstairs, a bottle of wine greeted her when she opened the fridge. Taking the bottle, a glass from the cupboard and a pack of cigarettes from the counter, she retreated to her office to go over some case notes.


Sitting at her computer, Taylor's thoughts drifted back to Kevin and Nick's trial. It had been almost a month since it ended and yet she couldn't shake the whole experience from her mind. Even though things were going okay between her and Mike, it seemed as though every spare moment she had was spent thinking about Nickolas Carter. Conversations with her best friend Jamie were laced with information on what and how the guys were doing. Like everyone else, they were all trying to settle back into a normal routine. But as hard as Taylor tried, she wasn't sure that her normal routine was something she wanted to go back to.





Nick reached for the phone once again. Every day for almost a month he had wanted to call her, to hear her voice. He dialed the first nine numbers and as usual hung up before he could dial the last.


Although everyone was shaken by the trial, Nick seemed even more distraught since it had ended. The rest of the Backstreet Boys did their best to bring him out of it but nothing seemed to work. He declined the offers to go clubbing, shopping and even to play basketball with the fellas. Brian was surprised that he could actually beat Nick at Nintendo. He was even more surprised that Nick rarely accepted his challenges anymore. And although Nick's body appeared at the studio everyday to work, it was obvious that his mind was somewhere else. He would stay only as long as necessary to record the CD they had been working on since this whole mess started. But once they were finished for the day, Nick was the first one out of the studio and out of the parking lot before the others could even remove their headsets.


Nick thought back to the long conversation he had with Jamie just before she returned to Cincinnati. He had tried his best to explain what happened between him and Taylor while Jamie did her best to enlighten him about Taylor in general. To say Taylor was a complicated person was an understatement. She was intense, passionate, intelligent, beautiful and deep down inside she was incredibly scared and insecure. In this last respect, Nick knew he could easily relate to Taylor.


But he also knew he couldn't go on like this much longer. It was either now or never. Nick decided that if he didn't have the nerve to call this time then it just wasn’t meant to be. He picked up the phone and again dialed the first nine digits. Taking a deep breath, he hit the last number and put the phone to his ear.





The shrill ringing of the phone broke Taylor out of a wine and thought induced daze and she reached behind her to grab the cordless.


"Hello?"


"Umm, . . .may I speak with Taylor please?"


Taylor responded, not quite recognizing the voice. "This is she."


"Taylor? This is Nick. . ." his voice faltered for a moment when she didn't respond immediately. "Nick Carter."


"Oh. . . um, hi Nick." She tensed up as she responded, her recent thoughts causing her head to spin as the reality of his voice hit her like a sledgehammer. Calming herself she finally spoke again. "And I knew who you were. Um, how've you been?"


Biting his lip as her voice had a similar effect on him, he replied, "Sorry. Not too bad I guess. And you?"


"Okay, I guess."


Hearing the hesitation in her voice, Nick began apologizing, "I'm sorry. I hope you don't mind my calling. . . I. . . I just. . ."


"Oh, no Nick, don't be sorry." She finally let out the breath that she had been holding, "I'm. . . I'm glad you called."


An overwhelming sense of relief swept over Nick as she spoke. "I. . . I. . . miss you."


Taylor felt an unfamiliar warmth come over her as well, and she replied softly, "I know. . . I miss you too."


"I need to be honest with you, Taylor." Nick knew he had to get this out. "I can't seem to get you out of my mind. I have no idea what it is, but I just needed to hear your voice."


"Nick, I . . ."


"Wait, let me finish. I. . . like I said, I don't know what this is, what happened between us. And I don't really know anything about you or your life but. . ." Nick's voice softened to barely above a whisper, and she strained to hear him. "I know that something I can't explain is drawing me to you."


The silence was deafening as Nick waited for some sign, any response at all.


At last she said, "I. . . I don't really know what to say Nick." His shoulders sagged and he closed his eyes briefly.


"Well, how about. . ." He thought for a moment. "'I feel the same way and I'd like to get to know you better?'"


"I don't know. . . I just. . ."


Nick cringed as he regretted saying that. "Okay, how about 'Thanks Nick, nice to know you care but no way in hell, so go away.'"


Taylor laughed slightly at his attempt to lighten the tension that existed between them. Hearing her soft laugh, Nick relaxed a bit and decided that he needed to further state his case. "Listen Taylor, I know this whole thing is weird, trust me, I have no clue what I'm doing either. What I do know is that I feel something for you and if I don’t at least try, I'm going to go out of my mind. I have done nothing but think about you every second of every day since I first met you. You amaze me, you intrigue me, and I'll admit it, you scare me too."


Taylor laughed openly this time. Nick smiled to himself, proud that he got her to do so.


"But I will tell you this. If you feel absolutely nothing for me right this second then you just say the word and I am gone. I promise, I won’t bother you again."


She paused for a moment, not believing she was about to let herself open up to him. "I. . . I. . . think I like the first choice you gave me."


"The first choice?" He tried desperately to figure out what she meant by that, but came up empty. "Okay, remember I'm blond, what was the first choice I gave you?"


Another laugh. "You said that I should say, I feel the same way about you and I'd like to get to know you better."


Nick smiled again. "You mean that?"


"Yes Nick, I mean that. But. . ."


"No buts, you can't take it back now." Nick said, laughing slightly. "I'm not going to let you."


"Nick, it's just that. . . things are. . . really. . . complicated in my life right now." Even as she said that, Taylor heard the front door slam shut and Mike call out her name.


"Taylor, I know that it's. . ."


"Listen Nick, I really have to go now but I will call you soon, I promise, okay?" she said quickly.


Sensing the urgency in her voice and happy with the progress they made, Nick obliged her request. "Okay Taylor, but I will hold you to that promise, all right?"


"I don't make promises I don't intend to keep Nick, hopefully that is something you’ll learn about me."


"I hope to learn that and much more, Taylor."


"Me too Nick, me too." Taylor heard the doorknob to the office turn and she quickly slammed the phone down.





Taylor looked up to see Mike walk into the room staring at her. "Who was that on the phone?" he asked with a very possessive tone.


Taylor replied nervously, trying to think of a lie that Mike would accept. "Um. . . no one. . . just a telemarketer."


"Oh really? A telemarketer?" He questioned with a frown, obviously not buying her excuse.


Looking away from him and back down to the computer screen she continued to try to play it off. "Oh yeah, I just got rid of them. They shouldn't be calling again."


"So this telemarketer. . ." Mike continued smugly, "they were from Florida right?"


Taylor froze briefly, then looked up at him through widened eyes as she realized that she hadn't had a chance to erase the caller ID before he got home.


"That's a big coincidence that a random telemarketer has the exact same name as that little pretty boy you defended down in Florida." Mike kept talking as he slowly walked over to where Taylor was sitting behind the desk. "Don't you agree Taylor? That's probably too much of a coincidence?"


"Mike, listen. . ." She looked down again, and started babbling nervously, "I can explain."


"There isn't anything to explain Taylor."


"Yes there is, he just wanted to call and see. . ."


"And see what? And see when the next time you could get away to cheat on me with him was?"


She flinched. "You know that's not true Mike. . ."


"No Taylor, I don't know the truth at all because you lie to me every chance you get don't you?" he asked softly. It was that tone of voice that alerted Taylor that she was in danger once again.


"Mike please. . ." she begged.


"And you know what happens when you lie to me." He was towering over her now, glaring at her like a child that needed to be disciplined. "I thought you were being a good girl, I thought things were getting better."


"They are getting better Mike. . . really, they are. . . please. . ."


He shook his head. "There you go again, lying every chance you get. I'm sick of it Taylor and I really think it's time you learned your lesson. . ." he said menacingly, that awful sneer still on his face. He came even closer to her, if that was possible.


Taylor cowered in the chair with her hand up, preparing for the first of what she was sure would be many punches that night.





Nick looked at the phone after the connection ended. He sighed and put the phone back in its cradle. He had heard her voice, and he had told her what he felt. And she had encouraged him, not blown him off as she had done countless times before. Leaning back on the couch he smiled a hopeful smile, having no idea what was happening in Taylor's world at that exact moment.