His heart splintered for the millionth time as he reached once again into his suit jacket and pulled out the letter she had left him that morning. He had handled it so much over the week since he got it that it looked years old, complete with ragged edges, blurred and faded writing, and tearstains. The tears came back as he read it yet again.

Dearest Nick - 

Please know that none of this is your fault, and whatever happens, don't ever blame yourself. I don't and I couldn't. Also know that I love you with all of my heart and soul, and that is exactly the reason that I need to leave. Love is too hard and I'm not strong enough to handle it right now. I probably will never be strong enough. You deserve someone who will let you in and love you as easily as you love them. I just can't do that. It's not you - it's me.

I forgive you for not telling me about Molly. I understand that you needed someone you could open up to - since I wouldn't let you truly open up to me. I never did make it easy for you, did I? I know that now and subconsciously, I'm sure I knew it then too. Your confiding in her just made me realize how little emotional support I really have to offer to you - another reason you'll be so much better off without me.

I want you to go on, be happy and find the real love of your life; someone who can share in your joys and your sorrows, not just BE your sorrow. Please do that for me. I'm going to move on too, the best that I can. I'll never forget how it felt though, if only for a few fleeting moments, to be loved so honestly and so deeply by you. If only I could have returned that love the way I needed to and the way I should have; the way you should be loved, Nick. The way you deserve to be loved. You WILL be loved that way someday, I promise you that, but it just can't be me.

What I have to offer isn't good enough for you, and it never could be, that is why I have to go. Just know that every thought of you will bring a smile to my face and every memory will give me strength and remind me that happiness and love, although elusive, do exist for those who deserve it.

Wishing you the purest of love and the happiest of lives,

My love always,

Taylor

It hadn't taken long. Everything happened so fast that no one had time to reflect on where anything and everything went wrong. By the time Nick realized Taylor had left for good, she was on a flight back to Oklahoma City and Mike.

After ranting and raving until he was exhausted, Nick fell into a deep depression and holed himself up in his house for two days. He refused to talk to or see anyone. No one knew what to do, Jamie included. Taylor hadn't called her, she hadn't called anyone. Even her sister had no idea what to do, but they were all frightened for Nick and Taylor.

It was late when Jamie and Kevin showed up at Nick's house. It had been four days since Taylor had left Florida. He was groggy when he answered the door and found a very disheveled Kevin trying to hold up Jamie, who was openly crying.

"What, what happened?" Nick asked frantic.

Neither Kevin or Jamie were in any shape to answer him. They slid by him and sat down in the living room. Nick still hadn't moved anything out and the room was filled with remnants and reminders of Taylor. Jamie took one look around the room, then began another round of tears, turning her face into Kevin's already soaked shoulder.

"Damnit, Kev, what's wrong? I'm the one that's supposed to be falling apart. . ." Nick was now wide-eyed with worry, he had never seen Jamie react this way before.

Kevin looked at Nick, his eyes brimming with sorrow. Without saying a word, Kevin pulled a piece of paper from his pocket and unfolded it, handing it to Nick. It was a fax, a police report from the Oklahoma City PD.

He quickly scanned the page and just as quickly burst out sobbing. Mike had had the last word after all. He had beaten Taylor up one last time, and this time he killed her. Then, unable to deal with what he had done, the weak bastard had killed himself. It was over, for Taylor at least, it was finally over.

Nick wiped his eyes and folded the letter up as he heard Kevin slip quietly into the room. A gentle hand touched his shoulder and he turned to look at Kevin with bloodshot eyes.

"I still can't believe she's gone Kev. . ."

Kevin leaned down and embraced Nick as the younger man cried into his shoulder. "I know Nick, I know." Nick cried for the friend he'd lost, the heartache he'd suffered and for all of the experiences that he and Taylor would never have.

Somehow the guys managed to get Nick and Jamie through the memorial service and then out to the cemetery for the burial. Ironically enough, Taylor was buried in southern Kentucky, in the same plot as her parents and grandparents. They sky was clear and the wind was still as the minister performed the service. The hilltop cemetery was very small and very old, but nicely kept. It was surrounded with trees and wildflowers and had an airy peacefulness about it. Taylor's headstone was already in place, part of a set that she and her sister had made when their parents died.

Jamie sat next to Taylor's sister and Nick sat next to Jamie. They both sat stonefaced, listening intently to the drone of the minister with the airy sounds of the countryside in the background. For a moment Nick pondered whether anyone was there to grieve for Mike. When the minister finished everyone simply mingled around. There was no reception to go to, this was their last chance to say goodbye.

Her sister was there, along with her niece and nephew, and a few random family members that still lived in the area or close enough to come. But there really wasn't that many people. As best she could manage, Jamie introduced Nick and the others to those she recognized. None of Taylor's family seemed to know that she and Nick had been together, they all assumed he was just there as a friend. Nick was cordial and polite to all of them as they exchanged condolences, but only the guys and Jamie truly understood the extent of Nick's loss.

Jamie. She seemed to be on auto-pilot. She wasn't upbeat by any stretch of the imagination but she was functional, maybe a little too functional. Kevin watched as she fluttered from person to person, talking and consoling when she was really the one who needed to be consoled. He was at a loss. He wanted so much to help but other than being a shoulder to cry on for both her and Nick, there wasn't much he could do. He and the other guys were upset about Taylor's death, but it was clear that their pain couldn't touch Nick or Jamie's.

Kevin walked over to join Howie, Brian and AJ as Jamie led Nick around the small crowd. They talked about Jamie and Taylor and Nick and everything else that had happened to them as a group over the last year or so. They realized that as much as things changed between them, like Nick and Kevin getting closer because of Jamie and Taylor, one thing hadn't changed at all; they were still a group. The group had come to include Jamie and Taylor and this fact wasn't lost in the conversation. They had always drawn their strength from one another and they vowed to do what they could to help Nick and Jamie, and each other, through this.

Everyone else was gone. Jamie and Nick wanted some time by themselves at the cemetery. Kevin reluctantly left with the others and went back to the hotel.

They sat next to each other under a tree, holding hands, grieving together. It was almost dusk and a quiet calm settled in around them.

Nick broke the silence, "It wasn't supposed to end like this ya know." He looked over at Jamie who simply nodded. "I should have noticed she wasn't happy, I should have seen it coming. I was supposed to be the hero, the one who got her out and made it all better. I was supposed to give her the fairytale ending. I could have saved her Jamie, I SHOULD have saved her."

"Nick. . ." Jamie said, reaching out to wipe the tears from Nick's eyes, "I feel the same way, trust me. I should have seen the signs. . .but I think we both know that there wasn't anything we could do. This was something that. . ." she stopped, trying to collect herself, "something we couldn't control. It's easier to blame ourselves than to admit that there was nothing we could do."

"I know, but. . ." he said sniffling, "I just, it's not fair." He paused for a moment and looked skyward, "you know, I was listening to the minister and I realized that I didn't even know what religion she was." Nick straightened up and looked at Jamie, "There are so many things that I never got to find out about her. I could guess, but I don't know for a fact what her favorite color was, or her favorite food, or what kind of pets she had when she was little, or. . ."

Jamie smiled and stopped him. "Nick, those aren't the things that are really important. What's important is that you know that she loved you and that you love her. That's all that matters."

"Yeah, but I'm just afraid that I'll forget. . .and I don't want to forget her Jamie, I just can't."

"You won't Nick, not if you don't want to. She'll always be right here," she said, pointing to his heart.

Nick was silent for a while, then asked softly, "Tell me about her, Jaim?"

"What do you want to know?"

"Everything, just tell me anything you can, anything that will make me feel like she's still here."

Jamie stared off in the distance. Then leaning up against the tree and Nick, she began talking. A breeze suddenly came up, ruffling Nick's hair lightly. He closed his eyes, and the wind caressed his face. He could almost believe it was Taylor's touch, and he thought he could faintly hear her laughter as Jamie told him everything she could remember about her friend.