The next few months weren't easy for anyone. Nick, Kevin and Jamie spent several weeks in Kentucky after Taylor's funeral. Staying with Kevin's family was good for them all. It was serene and gave them a chance to reflect and to heal. Nick drove down to the cemetery everyday for a week, two hours each way. Kevin wasn't sure this was such a good idea but Jamie tried to reassure him that it was okay and that this was Nick's way of dealing with things.

Each day Nick took flowers and a juniper berry candle to her grave. There was a little spot carved out in the headstone and he would put the candle there, light it and then just sit there and talk to Taylor. There were so many things that he wanted her to know and he hoped that somehow, someway, she heard what he was saying.

His heart told him that she did hear him and he knew it was time to start letting go. He wouldn't forget, but he had to let go. The last day he spent at the cemetery was a dark and dreary one. He sat there crying until well after dark, waiting for the last candle to burn down. When it went out, he knew it was time. He had said his goodbye so many times before it seemed like there wasn't anything left to say so he simply leaned down and kissed her headstone, then walked away.

Jamie and Nick starting spending a great deal of time together. Kevin didn't mind; he understood why they needed each other and Nick made sure he didn't interfere with their personal time. Nick and Jamie talked it over and decided that it might be a good idea to see a therapist to help them through this. Kevin and the others agreed and supported them wholeheartedly. Nick and Jamie went to the therapist together and that helped as well.

At first they both blamed themselves for all that happened, then they blamed Mike, and then they blamed God, and the list went on and on. They couldn't bring themselves to blame Taylor and they probably never would. As much as it may have helped them, neither one could be mad at Taylor for leaving them.

Slowly they came to understand what really happened. Taylor had just given up fighting everything. Her whole life had been one emotional struggle after another and she was just tired of fighting. In her mind, going back to Mike was just returning to something she was used to, something familiar, something bearable. To Taylor, the pain she suffered during her own inner battles was much greater than any physical pain Mike could ever inflict upon her.

The new album was finally released, and the guys did some promotional traveling for it before they started rehearsals for the new tour. Jamie had immersed herself in work, getting the branch office up and running, but she would sneak away to travel with Kevin whenever she could. Things settled down and everyone seemed to be moving on. They were all healing at their own pace.

No one was surprised that Nick couldn't bring himself to date anyone, not even casually, but they all hoped that would come with time. That was something not even Jamie could help him with.

Nick came home late one night from rehearsal to find a Federal Express package waiting for him. He noted the return address was from Oklahoma City, and he cringed. "What now? What the hell is this?" he wondered to himself.

Hesitantly, he opened the package. Inside the box was a leather case and a letter from a law firm in Oklahoma City.

Mr. Carter:

Enclosed please find a bequest to you from Ms. Taylor Brett. Her estate has been officially closed for some time, but this was a personal bequest that was not discovered until recently.

Should you have any questions or concerns regarding this distribution please feel free to contact our office. . .

Nick's mind spun, he wasn't sure how he felt about this. Had she known she was going to die? Is that why she left him something? He calmed down and decided that whatever it was, he could deal with it.

He carefully unzipped the leather case and opened it. Tears came to his eyes as he looked inside. Lying on top was another letter, this one with his name handwritten on the outside. He put the case beside him on the sofa and pulled the letter from its envelope.

Dear Nick,

As I write this letter I think of the oddity of all of this. I'm writing this a week after your trial so I've only known you a short time. Since I have no idea when or if you will ever get this letter or the gift with it, I guess this is my chance to write to you all of the things that I'm not strong enough to say to you personally. Bear with me if none of this makes sense; I suppose this is my weak attempt at expressing myself openly.

First, let me apologize for the way that I've treated you at times. There are so many reasons I can give for that, but honestly, none are really good. Let's just leave it at two short ones. One, you were my client. I have this attorney mode thing I do and unfortunately, it's not going to win me any congeniality awards. Two, and definitely the stronger of them, I'm scared, more scared of me than you, and you'll probably see why as I drone on.

I'm sitting here tonight, staring out the window at the moonlight with a glass of wine and a cheesy romance novel. As I read the simple words in the fairytale I couldn't help but think of you. I remember the evening we spent at your house in that wonderful room looking out to the ocean. It was peaceful and calming and for just a moment I felt safe and comfortable. You kissed me that night. I really wish I could tell you how that made me feel but I don't think I know any words to describe it to you. In so many ways Nick, you really are Prince Charming. Okay, maybe you aren't really Prince Charming, but I'm going to pretend you are. :)

I know it sounds strange that a grown woman would still have fairytale fantasies like Prince Charming and castles, but most of the time, that's the only happiness I have. I'm not going to bore you with details but let's just say that I haven't had the easiest life imaginable. Knowing the little bit you do about Mike you could probably guess that though, right? Anyway, the point is that when I met you, I was reminded of the place in my mind and in my heart where I feel special. I felt safe with you. I still do, and maybe I always will.

I hope that I'm not embarrassing myself here (posthumously, of course, although I suppose it would hard to blush if I'm dead right? - that’s a joke, Nick - it's okay to laugh :). If I am embarrassing you then just consider reading this your good deed for the day. The point is that when I was with you I felt something really special. I'm not sure if it was love or lust or friendship or whatever. I just know that is was something that I have never felt before, and I wanted to thank you in some way.

Okay, now on to the gift. This clarinet was given to me a long time ago by my paternal grandmother whom I was named after. She played it when she was young and graciously passed it along to me before she died. She was graceful and loving and passionate and probably the only person I truly looked up to when I was little. I wanted to be her when I grew up.

This clarinet was one of the few things that brought me joy. It was precious to me not only because it came from my grandmother but also because when I played it I actually felt like I was accomplishing something. It made me happy, the same happiness I felt when I was with you that evening.

It is my hope that we got to know each other enough for you to understand how much this meant to me. It was a very special part of my life and I guess I'm just hoping that you will become another special part of my life. Or at the very least, two of the few things in life that I really cared about will be together after I'm gone.

I know that you may never get this letter, or the clarinet, and I also know that we will probably never see each other again, but a girl can dream can't she? Honestly, my dreams are pretty much all I have to keep me company, Nick. My reality is not much fun. At least now I have a face and a voice and a personality to put with my idea of Prince Charming. Whether you know it or not, you'll always be in my heart and in my dreams.

Love always,

Taylor