As i remember opening the door that morning my life changed forever i was going to be with AJ permenantly. But i had no reason to stay with AJ at all. He was just going to be there when Nick and i were ready to be together again but instead i find his note. I tried not to cry when reading it but i did. And i hid it from AJ. My note was as follows...
Dear haylee, i know i never really told you how much you mean to me or even showed you just how much i care. I know i ended breaking your heart but it wasnt my intention. I know ill never say the words you want to hear most and mean it. I know i was never there when you needed me to be. All you ever did was love me and care for me. I know thats hard for me to find now these days and when i had it threw it away like candy. i know your hurting but youll hurt more now because im leaving you for good. im leaving you to clear my head and my soul. i promise god had plans for us in the future. i can feel it haylee. you have to trust me even though i know you cant. im sorry my lovebug. but its the way it is for us. Be with AJ he'll keep you safe i promise. and i wont say it here not now but ill say it somday. but ill be with you baby i will. and again im sorry!
It was all i could read before my legs gave out and i cried. the best love in my life had left and i cried all my tears out
~~~~
I looked up only to find nobody standing in front but AJ behind me. He saw my tears running down my face and then he read the note. He held me close and told me Nick couldnt have got that far but the thing is, he was wrong. I remember all the phone calls that we had made to everyone. No one knew where he was. His family didnt know where he went and Brian was the only friend that he had stopped by too. The tears ran down my face when he told me Nick had handed him his necklace and said that it would be special if it had stayed with me. I didnt know if i could take it but i knew that i should.See, the thing is Nick had my heart but he didnt know it. So we carried something that was special for the both of us. I think he felt that he had it but im not sure. I remember that first night that he was gone. It plays like a haunting for me because it was the first time i ever really told anyone how much i cared. That comes later in this entry. It comes after the fight that everyone gets into. Then after the fact that AJ and Brian really didnt know. I stood there in the doorway. Calling and making trips around the city. Why did he do this? I dont know but i do know, I was scared. What if he was dead somewhere. Then again i feel like i would that from him. Honestly i did feel him even during the monthes we were together even that first meet. How did i choose to block it out? One I was truthfully terrified of nick knowing the emotions. Two, honestly i didnt think nick could be in love. Three, he made me repressed them by not showing me his emotions back. I stared wide eyed at the phone until Kevin showed up. It was good when "big brother" walked in. Nervousness was the only thing i could really feel. Except for the hand that was so foreign to me, had squeezed my hand.
"He cant be found." said Kevin.
"He has to be somewhere it was almost midnight."
"Yes, Brian. I know. Has anybody heard to see if Howie had any information?"
"He said he would call if he knew or found anything."
Hearing AJ say those words was if Nick had gone to the store. It tore my heart because at that moment when i thought that, he wasn't in my feeling anymore. I was blind by the dark.
"Guys, please find him."
"Why? You're the reason why he left anyways. If it wasnt for you and AJ he wouldnt consider of doing something this stupid."
"Kevin.."
"No BRIAN!! IM RIGHT! SHE DIDNT CARE MUCH OF HIM. ALL SHE DID WAS KILL HIM INSIDE."
"HE WAS DEAD BEFORE SHE EVEN GOT WITH HIM. KEVIN AND YOU KNEW THAT."
"AJ BUTT OUT. ITS BETWEEN ME AND HAYLEE."
"Haylee, talk to kevin about why he is wrong."
"IM NOT WRONG IM RIGHT."
"STOP FUCKING YELLING KEVIN"
"STOP IT ALL OF YOU"
I finally screamed that out before Howie had walked in. I sat down and i prepared to finally tell them everything. I did too. I cried in my hands before i finally said it.
"GIVE ME A REASON TO STOP YELLING"
"BECAUSE I DO CARE AND I DO LOVE HIM. GOD CANT YOU SEE HOW MUCH ITS KILLING ME!"
"Oh wow!"
I felt Brian and AJ both sit beside me. Brian had put his arm around me. I cried even more.
"You love him. How come you never told him or told us?
"Because AJ told me to never say it. That Nick couldn't feel it or say it back."
"AJ, You deserve to get a slap on the head."
"I didn't know that she would have listen to me. I just told her so she didnt end up hurt. I knew she loved him. Its that look in her eyes. C'mon, tell me you never seen it in her?"
"Well i never really payed attention."
"Ok, stop please this is about nick. Not my emotions of nick."
"Yes, shes right."
"Maybe she can bring him back."
"But he isnt coming back, Howie."
We spend the next few hours coming up with plans but they all failed in the end. I layed on the couch. Hell, I couldn't sleep because we stayed at his house that night. I couldn't sleep in his room. Well it use to be our room. I got so over emotional even just by walkin in there. How could i even sleep in the house without losing my mind? I guess god was telling me something that night after all.
Monthes Pass....
Nobody found nick that night. Everyone was concerned and we keep looking for him til this day. I cried the first couple of nights. I wouldnt leave his house. I couldnt look at a picture without thinking something of him. I didnt know where he was. But i knew he was alive. I felt him in every bone i had. AJ and i grew closer when the monthes pass. It hit me hard when they considered him as a missing person. I lay my head down tonight with his face in my mind. I walk up in the morning with AJ laying beside me. He keeps me sane but not sane enough. Im missing him after everything we been through. But yet i still feel safe.
Meanwhile...
Nick walked in the rehab center.
"Hi, im nick carter and i need help."
CONTINUE.....
Author's Chapter Notes:
Last Chapter... Guys Enjoy Please Review.
Chapter End Notes:
Nice ending it can be confusing but please review and ill start my new chapter on the Loves desire. thats the second story
