Kevin's hands were ice cold and he was actually nervous, not excited. He was scared.

So many times he has pondered what his actions would do to his wife and children if they ever found out, but it was a moot point. He knew Kristen already knew and so did the other guys, although they never talked to him about it. He wasn't sure about his sons, but he thought Jake had strong suspicions. Jake was the one son who questioned everything Kevin did and Kevin felt he was the one boy who seemed to strangely understand him more than the others.

He couldn't explain it, but he felt human in Jake's eyes.

As he sat in his hotel room, waiting for Sabrina to call him, he wondered if they would make love again. He had sampled her sweetness and he regretted his situation.

She deserves better. Better than me.

Kevin had never thought that before. His lovers had always been about him and if he was honest, it was also about hurting Kristen like she had hurt him. It hadn't started until then. Ten years later and he couldn't even look at himself in the mirror. He wasn't proud of who he was and it was time for redemption, even if it came in the arms of a smart little brunette.

The knock came and he rose quickly to answer it. He opened the door and she was there. Her presence knocked the wind out of him.

"I shouldn't have had you come." He said. The words were out before he could stop them. Her eyes shadowed with the sudden realization of the pain his rejection caused.

But he had asked me to come. . .

"I'm here now. I suppose it's too late for you to change your mind." She said dryly as she entered his suite anyway. She turned on him and finished by saying, "Close the door, Kevin."

"I'm sorry, Sabrina. I don't know what I'm saying." He stammered.

"They say those are the moments when men are the most honest."

"You were right. That first night. I have done this a lot." He confessed. "I've cheated on my wife a lot."

"I know. I'm not blind." She agreed.

"I. . .I. . ." He began.

"What?"

God, please don't make me look like a complete fool. I rushed 3,000 miles to be with this man at his asking. Oh, Jesus, this is where he tells me it was all a big mistake. I . . .I can't do this. . .

Sabrina didn't know how, but she willed the billowing tears away and waited for him to speak. To say something. Anything.

"I want this to be different." He said softly. "I don't want to cheat on my wife. I just want to be with you, Sabrina. I can't do this any more."

"Oh, Kevin. . ." She groaned as she watched the defeat wash over him. She loved him too much to watch him suffer.

Kevin looked up to see the emotion flutter across her face and he couldn't believe what he saw there. Even she seemed surprised by it, as if she didn't know until that moment she loved him. Kevin knew. He knew she loved him and he had fallen in love with her. Long phone conversations spent talking about everything under the sun, except for any chance they might have. The one night spent in her arms. . .it had all formed this perfect plan and he had fallen right into it.

Hundreds, thousands, millions of times he had told himself it couldn't be true. He was too old and she was too young. These things only worked out for other people like Nick, not him. Never him. He watched his trembling fingers reach to touch her soft cheek and his whole body relished in the opportunity to just be in her presence.

"I love you, Sabrina." He whispered hoarsely. "But I need you to save me from myself."

"It's only fair, since you saved me." She agreed softly and then she stepped closer to him. She stood so close that his chin was nearly on his chest as he looked down at her. "I'm going to kiss you, is that okay?" She asked him.

Monday morning came and the coffee talk was about how short the weekend was for everyone. Kevin seemed like the most reluctant to be there, followed shortly by Nick. Brian was too jet lagged to care where the hell he was, although Leighanne would be coming to Orlando the following weekend to spend time with him, if not to go shopping with Leah. Howie and AJ's faces were bright with rest and good cheer and they rallied the troops and got them to work.

"Oh man!" Nick groaned as he leaned over a rail on the deck of the fifth floor lunch room. "Fresh air."

"It is good, isn't it." Kevin agreed from beside him.

"You glad to be back? Here in the states?"

"Yeah. Food is stuff I understand." Kevin chuckled quietly.

"Been to the ranch recently?"

"Yeah. . .a while ago. Dropped in on the family."

"How was New Orleans?" Nick mused as he teetered a bit over the rail.

"Fine."

"Someone new?"

"Don't, Nick."

"Just askin'." Nick shrugged. "We haven't really talked in a while."

"And that's fine."

"Whatever." Nick sighed, standing up straight. He pushed his ponytail over his shoulder with an easy flick of his wrist. "Why don't you just get a divorce?"

"I. . .can't." Kevin said quietly.

"Why not? Look, everyone knows you and Kristen haven't gotten along in years. What is the point of being miserable?"

"I still have a son at home."

"But you're never home, so what is the point?"

"Would you just up and leave CJ like that?" Kevin challenged him.

"No." Nick shook his head.

"Is it so hard to believe I won't leave my son?"

"I guess not." Nick conceded. "But what are you really teaching him? Don't you want Duane to know it's okay to be a man and be happy?"

"You don't understand." Kevin waved him off.

"I don't know, it seems crystal clear to me." Nick shrugged absently.

"I promised Kristen I'd stay until he was older." Kevin turned away from Nick as he spoke. He lifted his eyes to look out onto SDR's corporate campus.

"He's what? 11-12 now? You gonna wait until he's 18? You have plenty of money to support them both."

"He needs a father."

"He needs a father that is happy."

"Why am I having this conversation with you?!" Kevin suddenly demanded angrily as he turned to glare at Nick.

Nick knew instantly what Kevin saw in him. He saw the same gangly 14 year old he went on tour with all those years ago. He saw the same stupid kid Nick had always been. Kevin's opinion of Nick has never changed.

"Because I'm a man now, Kevin, and I'm a father and I've been in a crappy relationship that brought me nothing but pain. Hey, buddy, been there, done that." Nick snapped back at him. "Look at me, Kevin. I'm not 18 years old any more. I've done a little living in the last 45 years."

"You can't tell me anything I don't already know." Kevin said quietly.

"Then tell me something I don't already know." Nick shrugged, leaning lazily against the rail again in the afternoon Orlando sun.

"Duane isn't my son."

"Hello? Earth to Nick!" Lexie laughed as she flung the rest of the Chinese take out containers in a garbage sack. "Baby, what's up with you? You are just not here tonight." She stood with her hands on her hips. CJ had left them to rearrange her room again and to finish unpacking.

"Really? Oh, gee, I'm sorry." Nick stammered as he got off the ledge of the empty pool. "I'm sorry, honey." And he took her shoulders and kissed her quickly on the lips.

"Is something wrong? Is there something you want to talk about?" She asked, setting the bag aside. His dead silence confirmed that for her. "Well, if I use all my 20 questions, will you give me 20 more?"

"No, no. It's not about us." Nick sighed as he ran his hand over his hair. He ran it all the way down the tail and flipped it back and forth a couple times.

"Is it really bad?"

"No, I'm not sure I've digested it all, though."

"Is it about Dad or AJ?"

"No, no, they are fine." He sighed raising his eyes to hers. "It's Kevin. I talked to him today."

"Really? Is he okay? What about Jake?"

"No, no, everyone is fine." Nick groaned.

"Did he make you promise not to tell?"

"No, actually he didn't. . .I don't think you're gonna believe this, Lex." Nick took her hand and led her to the far corner of the deck.

"Nick, what is it?"

"Well, I started talking to Kevin at lunch. He took a trip to New Orleans this weekend."

"And?"

"Honey, I don't know if you know this about Kevin or not, but he's. . .he's not faithful to Kristen."

"Well. . ." She sighed.

"What do you know?" He demanded softly.

"Not much, only what Jake suspects and I'm not even totally sure what Jake actually knows. He thinks his dad sleeps around." Lexie confessed.

"Well, he does. Has for years, well about 11 to be exact." Nick sighed as he slumped against the deck rail and crossed his arms.

"That's really sad." Lexie sighed with him. "Why don't they just get a divorce? I mean, what's the point of carrying on like this for 11 years?"

"Lex, Kristen hurt Kevin really badly 11, almost 12, years ago. Apparently, she had the affair first."

"Oh, no. I don't think Jake even suspects that."

"He probably doesn't, because Kevin promised to keep her secret."

"What the hell for?"

"He loved her and she was pregnant."

"Oh. . . my. . ."

"Duane isn't Kevin's son."

"Holy shit!" Lexie gasped. "Why the hell did he tell you all of that for? Jesus, what did you guys get into?"

"I had no idea, Lex!" Nick threw up his hands. "I made a crack about him going to New Orleans to meet someone new and he blew me off. I went on to say he should just get a divorce and then he really jumped down my throat. I reminded him that I'm not a kid any more and that I understood about being a father and being in a bad relationship and then bam, he just told me."

"I still don't understand why he told you at all."

"Here's the clincher. This 'new one' he was with in New Orleans? He's in love with her, I mean, really in love with her and she apparently loves him, too. He didn't come right out and say it, but I think he wants to be with her for like. . .ever." Nick said eagerly. "Oh, and that's not the best part. She's 20 years younger than he is, hell, maybe even more than 20 years."

"Well, I'll be." Lexie smiled as she crossed her arms over her chest. "Well, duh, that's why he told you. Look at us." She waved her hand between the two of them. "He's looking for some guidance from you."

"Oh, no, not Kevin." Nick said with a roll of his eyes. "Kevin does not come to me for advice."

"He is now." She smiled. "So, what did you tell him?"

"I told him to go for it. He didn't owe Kristen anything, but he does love Duane. I mean, he did raise him as his own and Duane doesn't know Kevin isn't his father."

"They could still divorce and not tell him."

"I know, but right now you and I are the only two people who know."

"What about Duane's father?"

"Kevin doesn't know who it is."

"He doesn't? It isn't. . ."

"What?"

"The father isn't one of you guys, is it?"

"You read too much fan fiction, you know that?!" Nick threw up his hands. "No, it's none of us!"

"I do not! Besides, you once admitted you thought Leighanne was attractive." She pointed out.

"I was 17 years old, everything with big boobs was attractive!" Nick declared. "That's not what we're talking about. None of us slept with Kristen!"

"Well, what's he gonna do?"

"I don't know for sure, but I think he's going to leave Kristen one way or another. He's really in love with this woman, whoever she is."