Do I really hate him? Do I?

With an unladylike grunt, Lexie flipped over on the poolside chaise. The sun was long gone, but it was still warm and she was just trying to relax.

She had left Nick standing stunned in the bedroom after she stacked the suitcase by the door for her mother to take to the hospital in the morning. Nick could never believe that one day CJ might have a problem with him. Maybe she never would, but Lexie doubted it. She had seen more and more sparks of rebellion growing in CJ. She wanted to make sure that Nick didn't add fuel to them and start a raging fire he would have no control over.

Her own fire always burned hot and low. It never went away.

"So, what are you thinking?"

Jake's voice brought her back to their conversation on the phone.

"I need therapy."

"I wonder if we could get a Backstreet kid's discount."

"Sure, a 2-fer or something." Lexie laughed. "You talk to your Dad again?"

"No. I think he's still in Orlando until Tuesday. Or I think it's Tuesday; hell, I don't know what the hell he's doing."

"So, I'll probably see him tomorrow when they move Dad."

"It must be late out there."

"It's almost midnight."

"Nick's not there?"

"No, he said he'd be back tomorrow night."

"How is Christine?"

"You know, you're the first person to ask that. She got a little sun yesterday and today, so she's looking a wee bit better. I had dinner brought in, and we ate together on the deck. She barely ate a thing, but Scotty was like a little vacuum."

"He's a cutie, I bet."

"Yeah, he is."

"You still want to adopt him."

"I do, but with Nick being so freakish right now, it's hard to say."

"You know, I'd hate to be the voice of doom, but Nick might not be around to make that decision."

"I know. It isn't anything I hadn't thought of before. Brian has talked him into staying. He was about packed and ready to head back to L.A." Lexie sighed. "I don't want him to leave. . ."

"I know you don't."

"I don't think he will. Once Christine is gone, I think it'll be better. Maybe he'll finally be able to let go of the fear of losing CJ."

"Maybe."

Lexie let go of a yawn she had been trying to stifle. Maybe I actually am just plain tired.

"You better go to bed." Jake smiled on the other end.

"Yeah, yeah, I will." She agreed as she sat up, putting her feet on the ground.

"Sweet dreams. Love ya."

"You, too." Lexie smiled and switched off the cordless phone. She gathered up her glasses and headed inside. Scotty had been so cute earlier, insisting on helping her clear their dinner dishes. Christine and Lexie encouraged his helpful behavior.

Lexie slid the glass panel door shut and locked it, watching a light flicker in the pool house. No doubt the TV was still on. She padded into the kitchen and placed everything into the kitchen sick, then headed upstairs to bed. She didn't turn the light on, not wanting to see the empty bed.

Christine came into the kitchen in the morning to find Scotty happily ensconced at the kitchen table with a good plate of food in front of him. He and Lexie were talking about all the creatures he had found on the beach. She instantly recognized Cook standing at the sink. The older woman looked over at her shoulder at her.

"There is a plate for you in the oven." Cook said.

"No, I shouldn't."

"Nick's not here. Go ahead and eat with us." Lexie smiled, pulling out a chair for her.

Hesitantly, she got a potholder and brought her own plate to the table. Sitting between Lexie and her son.

"This is good Mommy!" Scotty beamed as he chewed on some sausage.

"We can't be at the house." Christine said quietly.

"He's not here." Was Lexie's reply.

"Scotty just came up here. I didn't even know where he had gone until you called down to the pool house."

"It's fine, Christine. I promise. If Nick has a problem, I'm sure he'll take it up with me."

"I don't want to cause any more. . ."

"Stop it, right now. I won't have it." Lexie cut her off. "You let me handle Nick. Meanwhile, I've got to head upstairs and take a shower. I've got to go to Orlando again. You make sure you help clean up like you did last night." She told Scotty.

"I will!" He chimed in.

Lexie headed out of the kitchen with a laugh and a smile, but half way up the staircase she knew she was being followed.

"Yes, Cook?" She turned and faced the older woman.

"I can't believe she's here." Cook whispered.

"I don't know what kind of conversations you had with Nick, but I want you and everyone else to remember that she is dying. I want her treated with respect and kindness."

"I do know how to treat people." Cook sounded taken back and offended.

"I know you do, and you've always been so kind to me."

"Well, I don't know what Nick's said to you, but I know from experience what a bastard he can be." Cook huffed at Lexie. "He knows I will do whatever my conscience allows, regardless if he pays me or not. I have always spoken my mind to him and to you, so understand when I tell you that Nick isn't going to like being 'handled'."

Lexie stepped down and covered the distance between them. "I know he isn't. But she's dying, Cook. We talked last night, and we're lucky if she has another 3 months. Maybe I'm just too tired or too upset, but when faced with that, I don't really care what he thinks. You know I love Nick, but he and I are going to have to work through this, but she shouldn't have to suffer for it."

"Maybe she's suffering for what she's done, not for what you've done by bringing her here."

"Please keep us on task, Cook. I'm counting on you." Lexie swallowed hard.

"I took care of her before. I'll do it now, too." Cook sighed.

"Thank you."

Cook looked up at Lexie with her fresh, spring green eyes and thought for moment. "You're welcome, Lexie."

"I hear this is where the party is." Brian laughed as he and Leighanne entered Howie's hospital room. Kevin, Leah, Howie's brother John, and sister Pollyanna were all there. Howie was sitting in a wheelchair, getting ready to be shipped out. Brian knelt in front of Howie and patted his knee. "The girls sent some music. I told them now might be a good time to make you listen to it and get them a deal."

"That's only because he can't get up and leave." Leah laughed with everyone.

"Howie? I brought Leigh with me this time." Brian said gently.

"Hey, Howie." She smiled, kneeling beside Brian. She gently stroked his weak hand. "We're going to get you up and going in no time, you'll see." Leighanne looked up to see fresh tears in Leah's eyes. She rose to hug her tight, "Don't be crying, too or I'll start and it'll never end. We all know what a blubber head I am."

"Don't tell me I'm the last one." Lexie said from the doorway.

"Nope, I am." AJ said from behind her.

"Nope, got you all beat. I'm the last one." Nick smiled over his head.

My God, that smile. . . Lexie's heart skipped a beat. It was his secret weapon, and he didn't even know it.

"At least we all know who the chief loser is." Kevin said dryly. "I don't think you could be on time to your own funeral, Nicky."

"No, but I promise to be on time for yours." That erupted the group into peals of laughter. Nick and Kevin hugged in a peaceful gesture as the nurse came into the room.

"Okay, Mr. Dorough. You are on your way. The Cabulance is here to take you to the rehab center. The whole trip should only take about 20 minutes." She said as she signed orders in his chart. "You take care of yourself, okay?"

Of course, Howie had no good response.

"Thank you for all you've done." Leah said to the nurse.

"No problem, ma'am. Just doing my job." She smiled, putting Howie's chart in his lap and getting behind the wheelchair to push him out of the room.

Nick lagged back from the group, hanging back with Lexie as they walked down the hall toward the elevator.

"How are you doing?" He asked.

"Fine." She looked up at him with surprise. "Yourself?"

"Good. I got CJ to school this morning."

"That was a lot of driving."

"It was time well spent."

"Clearing your head?"

"So to speak. How are things at the house?"

"Do you really want to know?"

"Not really."

"Then they are fine." She sighed.

"I should be home about seven. You think you could pick up CJ?"

"Yeah, no problem. I don't think they'll let us stay too long at the rehab center." She said. They watched the group load up into the two elevators, leaving them stranded waiting for the next car. Lexie hit the "down" button a few times. "Mom and I are going to have lunch. I'm sure the others will join us. You want to come?"

"No. I can't. AJ and I booked a studio. Just some remixing."

"Oh. Okay." She nodded.

They waited in silence for a car to return to their floor. When it did, they loaded on quietly and went down to the parking garage. They stepped out and headed in opposite directions to their cars. It was all Lexie could do to keep the hot tears from streaming down her face.

It can't stay like this. Please, God, please let it get better.

Howie's transition went well, but he soon fell asleep after his arrival. Brian, Leighanne, and Kevin joined Leah and Lexie for lunch while the others went home or to the studio.

Kevin picked up the tab for everyone since he chose a very expensive restaurant. Lexie returned with her mother to the rehab hospital and went to watch Howie's first physical therapy.

Laying out on the table while the therapist worked his limbs, he looked desperate and lost. Leah went to him, soothing him until he looked at peace. Light tears had trickled from his eyes and that was when Lexie knew her Dad was aware of what happened.

He knows now.

When he was returned to his room, she told him she loved him and that she would be back tomorrow. She left again for the trip back to Tampa.

She knew what Nick meant about the drive. He had made it twice already today and would again that night. Leaving Orlando, the drive was over an hour. Time well spent thinking, singing to the radio, and crying. She cried every damn time because it was the only time she was ever really alone.

She and AJ had barely spoken today, but no one seemed to notice. Tonight, she needed Nick to lie beside her and hold her. Tell her it was going to be alright, but she knew he wouldn't be there. He would be down the hall in a guestroom.

Everything in his tone and his manner this morning told her he still loved her but the uneasiness told her he didn't trust her. She replayed his smile from this morning over and over again in her head. Like a beacon of light, of hope, it shone down on her. She clung to it like she would have Nick if he was available. It would be her lifeline to his heart if he ever let her near him again.

"Should we even continue to try to look like we're working." AJ sighed to a distant Nick.

"Probably." Nick sighed.

"Try to focus on the project at hand, okay?"

"Sorry." Nick muttered. Suddenly the mixing board when dark under his fingers. "Hey!"

AJ's finger was on the Master Switch. "This is pointless."

"I said I'd do it." Nick grumbled.

"You can't concentrate. It's either Lexie or Howie."

"A little of both, I suppose." Nick sighed, leaning back into his seat.

"This is going to sound really bitchy, but you need to forget about that stuff when you're in here. All of this time is costing us money."

"I know, I know." Nick groaned, leaning forward and putting his elbows on his knees. His fingers knitted together in front of him. "It just happens to be my wife and one of my best friends."

"Buddy, I know it's hard. I'm worried sick about them both, too. Unfortunately, Jive babied you when you were working over there. If you want to just show up and sing, that's fine, but if you're producing and you're writing and everything else you want to do, it's a lot more work." AJ leaned back in his chair and studied the top of Nick's bowed head. "This is music boot camp, Nicky, and you better get it in gear."

"Okay, okay." Nick agreed, picking up his head and swiveling it toward the board. "Turn it back on and let's do this."

Cook was coming from the pool house with a bundle of soiled linens when Lexie walked through the living room. She ran and got the door, pulling it open and helping with the bundle.

"What happened?"

"She got sick. Poor thing was trying to clean it herself. I just happened by there." Cook grunted as they made their way toward the laundry room. They dropped the wad on the floor and Cook let out her breath. "Lexie, honey, she needs a full-time nurse."

"She does? She hasn't said a thing about needing help."

"This is the third one I've hauled today."

"Oh, no."

"I called Hospice Care, but you're going to have to take care of it. I don't think the girl has a dime to her name."

"Oh, man." Lexie sighed. "Okay. I'll make sure it's taken care of. I don't think Nick has cut me off yet."

"I don't think he'll do that."

"Yeah, well. I'll go check in on her." Lexie bounded out of the laundry room and out to the pool house. She knocked on the door and heard Christine call her in. She was sprawled on the couch, looking very worse for wear. "You okay? Cook said you're sick."

"Again." She nodded and Lexie could tell she was close to tears.

"Where is Scotty?"

"He's taking a nap." Christine struggled to sit up.

"Let me." Lexie helped her sit up and threw a blanket over her lap. "I'm going to get you a nurse from now on."

"No, no. . ." She shook her head weakly.

"Chris, you can't do this any more. What if something happens to Scotty? You need to rest and let me help you."

"I don't want to be a burden."

"You aren't, I swear it. It's for the best, you know that. I should have never left you this weekend."

"I have good days."

"I know you do. We'll get a nurse tomorrow and then you won't have to worry about so much. I'll make sure she'll look after Scotty as well."

"I was hoping you would do that."

"I will. I guess I could start taking him with me once he's more settled." Lexie nodded.

"I'd like that. He needs to get to know you." Christine sighed. "What are you going to do if Nick doesn't let you keep him?"

"Scotty isn't going anywhere but here with me, don't you worry about it." Lexie told her firmly.