Under Pressure
Chapter 34
If there's one thing I've been learning a lot lately, it's that things never go as expected. Ever. I don't know if this holds true for most other people, but it surely does for me. Especially lately.
Charlie didn't come back. For a long time, we just sat up in that room and waited. I was getting nervous because I knew something had to be going wrong. Or else he would have come back, right? I wasn't stupid.
It had been a couple hours since Charlie had left and I had fallen into a restless sleep on the couch. I was just so exhausted. I figured all my sleepless nights were catching up with me. Something told me they would be for a long time, especially because of everything that was haunting me when I closed my eyes.
Sean, Fiona, KC, the tiles, the smell of coffee, Sean, the key, the notes, the gun, that guy Vin, Sean, the blood, the sound of a shot, the look on Fiona's face, Sean-
I sat up with a start, breathing heavy. I felt a hand on my back and jumped. It was Brian.
"You okay?"
"Yeah . . ."
Kevin was on the phone fighting with somebody. He glanced over when he heard I was up and walked out of the room. " . . . he's not exactly up for it," was all I caught. Probably talking about me.
I glanced over and saw AJ sleeping in what looked like an uncomfortable position on the side of the couch. Howie was sleeping in the armchair with his feet up on the coffee table. What time was it anyway? We were all sleeping. "Has anything happened?"
Brian just shook his head. "I don't know, somebody just called though, I don't know who."
"Nothing from Charlie?"
Another shake of the head from Brian. "Not that I know of. Maybe that's him," he said with a shrug, motioning to the direction of where Kevin had disappeared to.
"Maybe," I repeated, unconvinced. I leaned against Brian and sighed. "I'm sick of this."
"I know, buddy, we all are," Brian said tiredly. "But you've really held together through this, we're proud of you."
If they only knew how much I was really falling apart on the inside I don't think he would be saying that.
"Hey sleepy," Kevin greeted as he came back into the room, placing the portable phone back in its holder on the table. "You doing alright?"
"Yeah." I sat up a little. "Who was that? Charlie?"
"No . . . uh, we're not gonna be seeing Charlie anymore." Kevin had a weird look on his face and my stomach sank. I knew something had happened. He'd been a nice guy too. "But um, they think they have somebody . . ."
"They do?" Brian sounded relieved.
"Yeah . . . Nick, they want you to come in to identify him. But you don't have to if you don't want to, alright? They're not gonna make you if you're not up to it."
"I can handle it." I wanted this over with once and for all. If it meant facing my biggest nightmare up close and personal, then so be it. "I'll do it, Kev."
"You sure?"
"Yeah."
-
The police station had two rooms divided by a two-way mirror. You could only see through one way, the other side was just a normal mirror. The lights on our side would be off, the lights on the other side would be on. It may look like he's staring right at you, they told me, but he's really not.
So I was ready. He couldn't see me but I could see him. I could handle that. Besides, all the guys were with me. I didn't know if they were supposed to be, but I wouldn't let them leave. The officer in the room with us didn't seem to mind. In fact, I think she was enjoying it.
"There'll be a lineup of five suspects," she said. "We'll ask the one suspect to step forward, and you can tell us whether or not it's him, okay? Pretty simple, huh?"
I just nodded. Simple.
The lights on our side were flipped off and the other lights were flipped on, revealing an empty white room. I felt my heartbeat speed up a little. This was it, this was it.
"Suspects," the officer in the room said. She had a little intercom and we could hear her voice echo in the empty room on the other side of the glass. A second later, a line of five scruffy looking guys walked into the room and faced toward us, backs against the wall. It looked like they were all staring straight at me.
"Face left," the officer said over the intercom. They all turned. "Face right." They all turned again. "Front."
I got over the fact that they were all looking at me and studied each one carefully.
"Will suspect number three please step forward."
The man stepped forward and stared straight ahead. Straight at me. Oh God.
The officer flipped off the intercom. "That him?"
"No," I said after a pause. "None of them are."
"Alright," she said. The phone at her hip suddenly rang and she flipped it on. "Yeah?"
I turned back and leaned toward Brian. "I don't like this," I whispered.
"Me neither," he said softly.
"They've got another suspect," the officer spoke up. I turned back to look at her. "They were trailing him leaving your hotel at the time Charlie was with you, and just now caught up with him. They're sending him in."
And it was him. He came in with a guard, fighting the whole way. His face was contorted with anger, his eyes were threatening. After a second, he broke away from the guard and slammed against the glass that separated us.
"Dead," he yelled. "You're dead!"
I instinctively moved to the back of the room.
"He can't see you," the woman reminded me. So what? I could see him, that was scary enough. I glanced back and saw the guard was restraining him. "Is that him?"
I nodded, not trusting my voice.
"Are we done here?" Kevin spoke up. I felt his hands drop on my shoulders. "Can we go?"
"You're done. Thank you for your help." She held out a piece of paper with a number written on it neatly. "If you feel that you need someone to talk to, to get you through this . . ."
"Thanks," Kevin said absently, grabbing the paper. "C'mon, Nick."
I glanced back one more time at the glass. Sean was still yelling and screaming at me. He looked crazy.
-
Chapter 35
I just needed time. That's all. If I just had a little time to think things through and convince myself that everything was over and that it was going to be alright, then I'd be fine. I mean, I was fine. Everything was fine.
I didn't even have the key. I had given it over to the police once and for all after; it was up to them now that it fell into the right hands. They knew about KC and promised to track down both her and her family. I could only hope.
I listened to the steady sound of our bus speeding along the highway, but it didn't have the same relaxed tone it usually had. Every now and then we would pass by an exit with some lights and the room would light up, then be dark again.
It'd been three days. Three days since I last saw Sean, since I'd had anything to do with him. Three days and I still couldn't sleep. It had been in the paper about the arrest, and even though I saw the article it still didn't seem real to me, that it was over. I still felt that someone was after me. I still jumped at every shadow. I still saw everything so . . . clear.
"Nick?" A hand dropped on my shoulder and I let out a yell. The same hand clamped over my mouth gently. "Shut up," came a whisper.
AJ.
"Don't sneak up on me . . ." I answered in a low voice when he uncovered my mouth and dropped down next to me on the couch. Why did everybody have to go around sneaking up on everyone?
"I didn't," he muttered, leaning back. "What's the matter? Can't sleep?" I just shrugged in response. "Oh, Nicky. C'mon. It's over."
"I know that." Yeah, I knew it, but did I believe it?
"No, you don't. It's over."
"I know."
"Then what's the matter? How come you're not sleeping, huh?"
"I'm just thinking."
"Thinking? About what?"
"Just . . ." I trailed off.
"You see? It's over, babe, get it through your head. Nobody's coming after you, or us, or anybody else. He's behind bars for his life, and who knows what else he's in for. Just get him out of your mind. Don't even think about it. Pretend it was some movie and just try and forget about it."
"I am trying, it's not that easy . . ." I felt my voice start to break and looked away.
"Man, Nick. I know. But everything'll be fine. Everything is fine. Alright?"
"Alright . . ."
"You sound so convincing."
I gave him a look and he rolled his eyes.
"Relax. Or else we're gonna hypnotize you make you fall asleep." He laughed and waved a finger in my face. "You're gettingsleepy."
"You're so dumb." But I laughed.
"I know. Now go to sleep before I beat you, okay? You can't keep doing this."
Where the heck did AJ learn to sound so convincing?
"Nothing's gonna happen on the bus. Okay? C'mon." He stood up and grabbed my arm, pulling me in front of him and giving me a push through the door to the bunks. "Go to bed."
"Thanks, AJ," I started.
"Just get some sleep for once and I'll be happy."
I would be too.
-
"Nick." I heard her voice before I saw her. I stopped and stared. How did she find me? How on earth did she track me down? I thought this was over . . .
"Don't look so scared, kid. You know I'm on your side.. Relax . . ."
Relax, relax. I could do that.
"Do you have the key?"
"What?" I stared at her, feeling the frown cross over my face. "The police, they-"
"Didn't you know, Nick?" she interrupted.
"Know what?" A strange feeling passed down from my head to my toes, washing over me. Washing away my hope. Something began to dawn on me. "Know what?" I repeated. Her face was getting blurry.
"Know that . . . Know that . . ." Her face was contorted. Spinning. Her voice was different. I couldn't see her clearly. I rubbed my eyes and tried to focus in, but it was no longer KC's face in front of me. "Know that this is my game," the new voice growled.
I screamed.
"You thought you won, didn't you?" Sean continued in a sneer. He grabbed my arms in his iron hands. "Now we play by my rules . . . Nick . . . my rules . . ."
I kept screaming. Why wasn't anybody coming? I thought the game was over . . .
"Nick!"
The hands weren't as rough now, but they were shaking me. He was calling my name. I tried to pull away. I had to get away. Had to escape. I couldn't breathe.
"Nick! Wake up!"
My eyes flew open and I gasped for air. I was having trouble catching my breath. Something was tangled around me, a blanket. Just a blanket.
Brian and Kevin were in front of me, with worried looks on their faces. Brian was holding on to my arm. I was lying on a couch. I didn't know where. The hotel? Yeah, we were at the hotel now.
"Nick . . ."
"Huh?" I focussed on Brian's face. It was just a dream, just a dream. Only a dream. It wasn't true. It was over. Done with.
"Nick, you okay?" Brian wouldn't let go off my arm.
"Uh huh. Fine. I'm fine." I started to push the blanket off of me, sitting up slowly with my feet on the floor. Brian let go off my arm and took a step back, studying my face. I stared back blankly. What was wrong?
"Nick," Kevin started. I glanced up at him. "Nicky, we've been thinking . . ."
"About what?"
"About . . ." Kevin trailed off and rubbed his forehead tiredly, dropping onto the couch next to me. He looked more tired than I felt. "About . . . what's going on with you, Fracks."
"What's going on with me?" I repeated. Was I missing a key piece of information here? What was going on with me?
"We think it might be a good idea if you . . . called that number they gave us back at the station," Kevin finally said. I stared at him. "You know, so-"
I stared at him incredulously. "I'm not crazy!"
"Nobody said you were crazy, pal, we just thought if you had somebody to talk to-"
"I have you! I've got you guys, I can talk to you guys if I wanna talk." I stared at them. "You think I'm crazy? You think I need a shrink?"
"Nicky, we just thought you might need somebody to talk to," Brian said softly. Cautiously. "To stop the nightmares you're having over what happened . . ."
"The dream wasn't even about what had happened!" I lied desperately. "It was about . . . dogs!" I rubbed my forehead. "I'm not crazy . . ."
"We know that, Nick, we just thought you'd want to talk with somebody."
"I don't. I'm fine. Please, don't make me . . . I swear I'll never have another bad dream about it again."
"You can't promise that, baby. But nobody's gonna make you see someone if you don't want to," Kevin promised. "It's up to you."
"Okay," I answered. Then my decision was no.
Brian pulled up from where he had planted himself on the coffeetable and yawned as he squeezed in on the couch next to me and Kevin, rubbing his eyes to try and stay awake. He finally gave up and dropped his head heavily on Kevin's shoulder, who gave him an amused smile.
I frowned. "What time is it?"
"A little after two in the morning," Kevin answered.
I immediately felt bad for waking them up with my nightmare. "You can go back to bed, I'm fine. Really. Sorry for waking you up."
"Don't be," came Kevin's answer. "Why don't you try your bed now. We only let you stay there because you conked out early, but now that you're up . . ." He stood up and Brian fell over sideways. "C'mon."
Brian and I tiredly pulled ourselves off the couch and made it to our room. I headed directly to the double bed farthest from the window, collapsing on top of the comforter. I didn't care. Brian plopped down on the other side.
"I'll protect you," he mumbled into my other pillow. I smiled.
Kevin paused in the doorway. "Nick, you gonna be okay?"
"Brian's protecting me," I answered, not saying whether or not I would be. I didn't know. Kevin rolled his eyes.
"Big toughguy he is too," he replied. Brian mumbled some response into the bed and I smirked at Kevin. "Good night, guys. Nick, think about it."
I didn't answer.
-
Chapter 36
The days went by pretty quickly after that. I don't know if it was the idea of seeing professional help that scared me into trying to convince everyone that I was coping fantastically, but either way that's what I was doing. Smiling for everyone, doing the shows, putting on a false front.
Days flew by, nights felt like eternities. As much as I tried to convince myself it wasn't possible, every attempt at sleep brought another scenario with a free Sean coming back for revenge. I was losing so much sleep that I was starting to doze off during the day. The bad dreams clung to me at night, but during the day it was different . . .
"Nick!"
Hands clapping in my face.
"Nick, earth to Nick?"
"Huh?" I jerked my head up; I was awake. "What, AJ?"
"Break's over. C'mon, we gotta get back to rehearsal."
"Already?" We'd only stopped a minute ago, hadn't we? "What time is it?"
"Time to go to work," came the answer. He grabbed my arm and started to pull me up from my position on the floor. I'd been using my backpack as a pillow to try and catch up on a little rest. Okay, a lot.
"He sleeping?" I heard Kevin ask. I rubbed my eyes tiredly and pulled myself up into a sitting position as AJ let go of my arm, vaguely seeing the other guysgetting ready to practice one of our routines across the wooden studio floor . Looking at them zapped even more of my energy.
"Yeah," AJ started.
"Okay, let him be, c'mon."
What?
"But Kev we're in Europe next month," AJ argued, shaking his head. "We gotta get the new routines down before-"
"It's alright, it'll be fine. You c'mon. Nick, go back to sleep."
I stared at him dumbly.
"Sleep," he repeated, grabbing AJ. "You gotta sleep sometime."
Alright. I wasn't arguing with that.
-
I was extremely grateful to the guys through all this. They'd been behind me the whole way, and even now they kept trying to convince me that things were looking up. That things would be okay. That I would be okay. They covered for me to make it up to everyone else, they made excuses for me, they rearranged schedules for me.
I thought that they would want to simply kill me after everything I had brought upon us. But somehow they seemed to almost understand. Most of the time anyway.
It was the last few days on the road before we would be taking a two week break and then heading out into Europe for our tour over there. I was ready for the break more than anything. I just wanted to forget. I was hoping my family would make that happen for me.
"Nick! Get your butt in here!"
"What?" I came near the guys in the main room of the hotel to find them in front of the TV watching something. I frowned as Howie pulled me down to sit next to him on the couch. "What?"
"Watch."
I turned my attention on the TV and listened to the woman newscaster's words as the screen showed a familiar mugshot and then flashed to a scene in front of a courthouse.
' The ongoing trial of notorious Shotgun Sean came to a close yesterday evening. Outside the County Courthouse, we were able to get a word out of Judge Gordon on the outcome of the case, where he stated, "the trial was quick and decisive as a result of the numerous offenses of Sean in previous years. The decision was unanimous among court members". That decision is the sentence of a lifetime in jail for the highly publicized felon and murderer. A tentative death sentence is still under debate ...'
"So it's over?" I ran a hand over my face and let out a breath as the news coverage switched to another story. Was it real this time? "He's gone?"
"It's over." Brian grinned at me.
AJ laughed and hit my arm. "Now you just gotta learn all those routines . . ."
Shoot. Talk about pressure.
-
THE END
