Under Pressure

Chapter 10

I read it over and over again, but nothing changed. The same message stared back at me. 'Meet me in the lobby of your hotel'. Yeah, right. Did I have a choice? I chewed on my thumbnail nervously and tried to think.

Needless to say, KC had somehow trailed us to McDonald's and while there had dropped the note in my lap when the guys weren't looking. That was it, not a word was said between us. She didn't even look at me.

That was over an hour and a half ago. So now I had two choices.

If I stayed here, nothing would change. Things wouldn't get better, but they might not get worse either. Meeting KC was a risk, but for better or for worse? I still didn't trust her, but maybe she was on my side in the matter. I didn't know whose side I was really on, only that Sean wasn't on it. The rest was a mystery.

Maybe this was it. My way out of this whole damn mess. I didn't see any other way really. Maybe if I met up with her downstairs, everything would be solved without the guys ever even knowing. They wouldn't have to know a thing. The whole past few days could be my little secret.

Right, uh huh. But I think it was that thought that convinced me to give it a try.

"Where're you going?"

I looked up as Brian popped his head in our room and paused in pulling on my sneakers. "A walk," I said, giving him a small smile from my position on the floor. I concentrated on tying one of my laces rather than on his face.

"Oh, want some company?" It was obvious that he was worried and just wanted to keep an eye on me so I shook my head, starting on my other shoe.

"No thanks."

"Okay," he said easily. "Just don't leave the hotel, Nick, alright? It's not the best neighborhood and it's getting kinda dark out there."

"Sure." I wasn't planning on going anywhere. Just the lobby. Nowhere else. I finally looked up at him. "I won't be long," I said, getting up. I grabbed my windbreaker from the dresser and pushed past him. "Later, Brian."

"Seeya, bro."

The other guys never looked up when I passed them in the main room to get to the door. Too interested in some sort of movie that was playing. Some late night special probably.

It was only when I got in the elevator that my stomach started to twist in worry again. What if I was making the wrong choice? What if that was the last time I would see the guys? I paused for a minute, then shook my head and pressed the button for the lobby. This had to work. It was the only way. I'd allow KC a little trust and then see how far that would take me.

The second I saw her, any minute hint of trust I was thinking of giving was immediately gone. I was on guard. Don't get me wrong, she seemed nice, she looked nice, but I was just ...

I was scared I guess. I don't know how else to put it. I was afraid of what might happen. I might be walking straight into the trap of a killer for all I knew. I was a novice at this stuff. I'd rather stay that way too, thank you.

"Hey, thanks for showing," was her greeting when she caught sight of me. She stood up from her seat on the couch and adjusted the brown leather jacket she wore, taking my arm. We were about the same height.

"Where're we going?" I wasn't expecting her to start leading me toward the hotel doors. I saw the foggy night outside and chewed the side of my lip apprehensively.

"We can't talk in there, kid. It's not safe." She flipped her shoulder length hair over her shoulder as she pushed through the glass doors, never letting go of my arm. She had a pretty tight grip.

"I can't ... I'm not supposed to go anywhere," I started. God, the guys were going to skin me.

"Look, hon, I'll get you back safe and sound, ok?" She rolled her eyes as we started at a fast pace down the cement sidewalk.

"But-" I cut off at her look and swallowed. Okay, I didn't have a choice there. "Why isn't it safe?"

"I think you know the answer to that," was her blunt reply. She stopped suddenly and waved down a taxi. I hesitated as it pulled in swiftly next to the curb and KC pulled the door open. "After you."

"But-"

"Get in the damn cab," was her reply. She sounded amused, much to my surprise. I just followed her directions silently, beginning to think how dumb it was of me to come to meet her in the first place. She slid in next to me and shut the door, directing the driver to some place of which I had no idea of the location or attraction.

The ride there was silent and I watched as raindrops started to hit the windows of the taxi softly. I didn't know it was supposed to rain. At least it fit my mood. I felt like crying too, but I wasn't about to start in front of this lady.

I had no idea where we were going. The signs sped by so fast that even if I wanted to, I wouldn't be able to remember them to find my way back.

Before I knew it, we had stopped and KC was handing the cabby some bills. She turned and grabbed onto the sleeve of my jacket, giving me a tug.

"Move it, kid."

"Where are we? I don't wanna-"

"Shut your mouth and c'mon," she interrupted. The driver must have given her a weird look because she turned to him and gave a loose smile, shaking her head. "Little brothers, what can ya do?" She turned back to me and lowered her voice slightly. "If you don't move your ass out of this car, I'm swear I'm gonna-"

I quickly scrambled out the door and to her side. God, she must take lessons from Kevin or something. She nodded at me and shut the door before I could change my mind. I watched the cab drive away forlornly. There goes my way back.

"Where are we?" I repeated, wiping my blonde hair off my forehead as it stuck there with the rain. "I have to get back."

"You'll get back," she said, grabbing my hand and pulling me toward a brick colored building. I didn't want to go in there. Ireally didn't want to go in there.

"How 'bout now?" I asked softly. She squeezed my hand and took out a key, unlocking the door and pulling me inside. She locked it behind us and took my hand again.

"You'll get back," she repeated. We started down a dark colored hallway. It smelled damp and I couldn't really see the end of it or where we were going.

"Why'd we come here," I whined softly. She shot me a look.

"If you must know, I was trying to lose Sean," she said flatly. She flipped one of the light switches on the wall but it really didn't light up much.

"Oh."

"Oh," she repeated sarcastically. "Don't ask me any more questions tonight, alright, kid?"

"Okay ..." I said shakily.

"Good. Now, you're gonna meet someone-"

"Who?"

"You're gonna meet someone," she repeated more firmly. "And I want you to be honest with everything, ok? He might threaten you, but I won't let him touch you, so don't worry about it."

Don't worry about it? I pulled away from her and stood still, giving her a look. No way.

"Nick, he's not gonna touch you." I just stared at her. I didn't trust anyone's word right then. My heart was beating fast. "C'mon, the sooner you come, the sooner it'll be over."

The person I was meeting turned out to be a forty-something man dressed in black that was waiting in one of the rooms off of the hallway. He looked just as intimidating as Sean himself and I seriously began to doubt what I had gotten myself into at this point.

"Nick, meet Vin," she started, giving me a little push inside the room. "Vin, this is Nick."

"Nick ..." the man greeted with a smile spreading across his face. Even his eyes were dark. "So nice to finally meet you." I didin't have an answer for him so I just stared back unsurely. "You have the key?"

"No." I shook my head. His face darkened and I saw the look he shot at KC.

"Not on him, he means," KC filled in. "But he has it." She glared at me and I just shrugged. She said be honest, didn't she? I was.

"Alright, then," Vin replied seriously. "We'll have to make arrangements for you to hand it over to us then, won't we?"

"Who said I'm giving it to you?" I crossed my arms. I regretted making the comment when I saw Vin's lethal glare. But who said he was even the good guy in this? I felt KC pinch my arm as she walked over to Vin's side. There were a few minutes of hushed talking of which I was left out of.

Something told me to get out of there before things got even worse. I started inching my way toward the door and had a hand on the door frame when I heard them turn.

"Hey!"

I bolted on instinct, running down what I think was the hallway we had come in through. I couldn't be sure, but I didn't care. I would keep going until I found the stupid exit. Sure enough I soon did, and I paused there, fumbling with the lock.

"Nick," I heard KC call. She jogged down the hallway toward me and I tried to hurry, even though my fingers felt so frozen. I finally got it open and pulled through to the outside, stepping out on the sidewalk. It was pouring. Lucky for me, it hid my tears.

"Nick ..."

I started down the sidewalk. I didn't know where the hell I was going, but I didn't care.

"That wasn't smart," KC told me as she grabbed my arm. I tried to pull away.

"Let me go."

"You're going the wrong way, sweetheart," she replied. "What were you thinking in there, huh? I told you to watch it, didn't I?"

"He scared me," I said in a broken voice. "What was I supposed to do?"

She stared at me for a minute, studying my face. I wondered if she could tell I was crying. "Okay, fine. Let's get you back to the hotel. I'll explain to Vin later."

"I don't wanna see him again," I started.

"Okay, you don't have to. He's not a bad guy, you know."

"I don't care," I answered.

-

It was pretty late by the time I got back to the hotel. I was in for it. I waited outside of our door for a second, shivering and dripping wet. Wasn't this the second time this week I came back this way? Geez, what a loser was I.

I dug through my soggy pockets and, thank God, came up with a room key. Maybe the guys were all asleep and I wouldn't have to wake them up. I could just sneak in without a sound.

Or maybe not. When I opened the door I saw Kevin and Brian on the couch in front of the TV, and saw another light coming from the room AJ and Howie shared. Shit ...

Maybe they didn't see me. I held my breath and started across the carpet for my room.

"Get over here now." I hadn't even gotten halfway when I heard Kevin's voice.

I paused midstep. I could run to my room and lock the door. That could work. But I'd eventually have to face him anyway. I turned and dragged myself toward them, stopping a couple feet out of their reach.

"I-"

"Where the hell were you?!" Kevin demanded before I could finish. His voice was like a slap. I felt a lump rising in the back of my throat and wiped my eyes hastily with the back of my sleeve. He was beyond mad.

"I ... went for a walk ... "

"If that's your excuse you've got something else coming, Carter," Kevin snapped. I swallowed and felt myself moving an inch or two even further back. I glanced at Brian but he was looking at the floor. Kevin glared at me still. "Give me one reason why I shouldn't kick your ass."

"I'm sorry, Kev ..." My voice broke and I felt the tears start. I couldn't take it anymore. I didn't need Kevin yelling at me on top of it all. I sniffled and wiped my eyes again quickly. I couldn't talk anymore. I didn't know what to say.

"Dammit, Nick. Do you know how worried we were?" His tone was slightly less sharp, but it still made me wince. "You know the rules."

"I'm sorry," I repeated through my tears. I looked toward Brian again. "Frick ..." I moved toward him, keeping my distance from Kevin. He looked like he wanted to smack me.

"You okay, Nick? I got worried. You said you'd be right back." He didn't look mad like he did when I first came in. Instead he opened his arms and I gave him a hug. "Ugh, you're all wet," he objected with a laugh. I didn't let go of him though and he hugged me back. "You okay?"

"No," I said, sobbing harder into his shoulder. I wanted to tell them everything. I felt him rubbing my back.

"Nicky," I heard Kevin start. He didn't sound mad anymore. Maybe it was because I was crying. He didn't like to see any of us cry. "Go shower and change before you get sick."

Actually, I think I already was sick. And there was no turning back now. Brian gave me a squeeze and then pushed me away. "Go, buddy ..." I just looked at them a second before turning away and heading toward my room. Well, they hadn't killed me. That was a plus. I paused right outside my open door for a minute when I heard their hushed voices.

I couldn't make out what they were saying. Well, I wasn't about to risk my butt trying. It wasn't worth it. I was in deep enough as it was. Not to mention, I was freezing.

-

Chapter 11

I was running down the hallway as fast as I could, heart pounding. I heard gunshots echoing behind me and saw the guys running a little up ahead. I couldn't catch up, no matter how hard I tried. A door was at the end of the hall and I knew it was our only hope. I tried to run faster but my legs felt like lead.

A couple of shots rang out and I gasped as I watched the guys crumple to the carpet in front of my own eyes. Lifeless. The floor immediately turned red and I felt myself fall to my knees. I heard screaming and then realized that it was me making all the noise.

Turning my head, I saw Sean standing with a disturbing grin across his rugged face, hand still holding the gun that rested at his side.

"I told you to follow my directions," he growled. "I told you, Nick ..."

I pulled away from his gaze. "Stop, I'm sorry ... Don't kill them ..."

"I told you, Nick ... Nick ..."

I awoke with a start and felt someone's hand gripping my shoulder. Panicking, I kicked out and tried to get away. Their hold tightened as I struggled.

"Nick ..."

"I'm sorry, I didn't tell anyone, Sean, I swear! Just leave me alone ..." I felt like I was suffocating under whatever was holding me down. I had to get away.

"Nick, wake up ... It's okay, baby, it's just a dream ..."

I stopped struggling for a second and found Kevin along with AJ at my side. I stared at them, confused. They were dead, weren't they? Sean had shot them, just like he said he would if I didn't listen.

"Are you okay, Nick?" AJ questioned, giving me a strange look. "You were screaming bloody murder." His hand was resting on my shoulder gently.

I tried to catch my breath and looked away from them, not answering. I couldn't really. I didn't know. It had been so real ... I almost expected to see Sean standing behind them, laughing in my face.

"Nick?" Kevin's voice sounded far off. I pulled away and pushed off my covers, swinging my feet to the floor and standing up. My throat felt really dry suddenly. I just needed a drink.

"Where're you going?" AJ asked as I pushed pass them.

"Drink." I padded across the carpet and out of my room, not surprised when they followed me. They were probably making sure that I didn't hurt myself or something stupid like that. Figures.

I noticed when I opened the fridge that my hands were still shaking. That dream had really scared the hell out of me. I don't know why even. I knew it wasn't real, but still. It disturbed me. It seemed so real.

I jumped when I felt a tug at the back of my shirt.

"What do you want?" It was Kev. I realized I had been just standing there in front of the open fridge for awhile. Whoops. He gave me a push toward the table. "Milk, juice, what?"

"Coke," I answered. He just gave me a look.

"It's so late, buddy. You wanna sleep." Of course I do, Dad. Thanks ...

"Milk then," I answered, sitting down in a chair and resting my head on the table. I had such a headache. My head felt all stuffed up. I don't know if it was because I had just woken up or because I was getting a cold. Probably both. AJ sat down in the chair next to me and poked me in the side. Idiot.

"Here ya go." I lifted my head when Kevin slid the glass in front of me. He sat down in the chair on my other side and I swallowed uneasily. Uh oh. Can we say cornered?

"Thanks," I mumbled, taking a small sip and putting it back down. I didn't feel like milk. I looked at both of them and then just rested my head back on the table.

"Who's Sean?"

I jerked up at AJ's question, staring at him wide-eyed. "Sean? Huh?" I wondered if my voice sounded as nervous as I thought it did.

"Sean. You were saying his name before... Who is he?"

"I don't know what you're talkin' about." I glanced at Kevin, but he just looked back at me almost expectantly. He wanted answers too.

"You said 'I didn't tell anyone, Sean'," AJ continued, looking like he'd kill me if I didn't tell him. Too bad. "What'd you mean? Who is he?"

"I don't know ..." I pushed back my chair and stood up. "I don't know what you're talking about," I said, starting away. I was sick of questions. Kevin caught me around the waist and pulled me back.

"Sit down. We have to talk," he said, basically pushing me back down in my chair. I didn't put up much of a fight, but I pressed my lips together and crossed my arms stubbornly.

"About what?"

"You tell me," came his reply.

"Nothing. There's nothing to talk about," I said matter-of-factly. I couldn't help the way that my voice was shaking. I knew I had to tell them sooner or later. My stomach twisted. I was almost afraid to.

"Nothing to talk about or nothing you want to talk about?" Kevin leaned back and crossed his arms.

"I ..." I trailed off and stared at the wall. Why couldn't I lie? Right then, I just couldn't. "I can't," I said slowly, looking back at them.

"So there is something," AJ concluded, almost triumphantly. I scowled. It was like a game to him. Let's see how much we can get out of Nick. Two against one. Not fair.

"I don't know." I tried to think. I could make up some stupid story that sounded worse than the truth so that when I finally told them what really happened, they wouldn't be as upset. But the more that I thought about that, the more I dismissed the idea. I couldn't think of anything worse to tell them.

"C'mon, Nick." Kevin sounded impatient and I started to get annoyed. What did he expect? Me to suddenly spill everything to him? Hells no.

"I'm sorry, ok?" I rested my head back on the table, letting my hair fall in my face. I was suddenly really tired. "I can't tell you," I mumbled. "Where's Brian?"

"You gonna tell him?" AJ asked. "Huh? Not us? Huh?"

"Shut up," I replied.

"On the couch inside," Kevin interrupted. "But he's asleep, bro, so-"

I was already out of the kitchen before he finished. I couldn't take it anymore. I figured I could tell Brian and see what he thought. I was sick of everything. I'd almost rather die then think about it. I know that's a bad attitude but it just made me so depressed even thinking about it. I headed toward the couch that was situated in front of the TV in the main room. It wasn't facing me when I came out from the kitchen, so I just jumped over the back of it, landing on top of Brian.

"Ooof," was Brian's greeting as I practically fell into his lap. I moved to his side as he sat up a little and gave me a tired, lopsided smile. "What's the matter with you?" he teased.

"A lot," I said flatly. He stopped smiling and just looked at me.

"Frack ..."

"I have to tell you something," I whispered.

"What is it?"

"Remember what I said I couldn't tell you?" He nodded and pressed his lips together. I wondered if he even wanted to hear. "I'm gonna tell you."

"Okay, buddy boy, spill."

"But you can't tell anybody unless I tell you that you can."

"Nick ..." he objected. "What if-" I shook my head to cut him off and held out my hand.

"You can't. Shake on it."

"Nick, grow up," he muttered, ignoring my hand. That offended me so I tried to get up, but he pulled me back down. Geez. "Okay, Fracky, you get your way, ok? But if you get me in trouble, you're gonna get a beating." He said this with a teasing tone as he shook my hand and I didn't even answer. He had no idea. He probably thought I was going to tell him I was homesick or something usual like that.

"Okay." I took a shaky breath. "Well ..." I paused for a long time, just thinking.

How should I tell him? Should I even tell him? I was starting to rethink things. Maybe I could handle it by myself afterall. I'd lasted this long, hadn't I? I breathed out.

"Hey. Carter, c'mon. You're gonna tell me so just let it out already."

"Okay ..." Here goes nothing. "Remember that morning when I was locked outside of our room?" I asked in a low voice. I didn't want the other guys to hear. I knew they were probably eavesdropping in the kitchen. I wouldn't put it past them, that's for sure. Both Kev and AJ could be pretty sneaky.

"How could I forget?" Brian replied with a small laugh.

"Well ..." I paused again but Brian gave me a look and I just told him the whole story, starting in the coffee shop and continuing all the way up to today. I left out the part about the dream, but by the end I was pretty much crying. When I finished, I took one look at the expression on his face and started to cry harder. He looked scared too, which made me even more scared.

"My God, Nicky. Tell me you're kidding please."

"No." I shook my head and sniffled. I wish I was kidding.

"Oh my God," Brian repeated. I wouldn't be surprised if he was praying. I chewed on my thumbnail and wiped my face with my sleeve.

"I wasn't gonna tell you," I whispered. "But ... I just couldn't ..." I trailed off and he threw an arm around me reassuringly. That made me feel a little better. Not much, but a little.

"Nick, we gotta tell Kevin," Brian continued. "He'll know what to do. He always knows what to do." Somehow, in this case, I doubted that would hold true, Brian.

"No ..."

"Nick-"

"I don't wanna talk about it anymore," I answered petulantly, sticking out my lower lip. He just shook his head at me.

"This isn't something you can run away from," he started. God, I knew that by now, that's for sure. "You can't just ignore it." Brian paused when he saw I wasn't looking at him.

"I know," I said softly. "We're not telling anybody."

"Nick." I ignored him. "Nickolas, listen to me." I looked at him. He never used my full name. None of the guys did usually. Well, he was serious. "We're telling the other guys," he stated. When I opened my mouth to object, he covered it with his hand strongly. "You don't have to tonight, but you will. If you don't, then I'm gonna." He removed his hand and I shook my head.

"I'll hate you forever. You promised."

"Don't be a baby." I glared at him and he gave my cheek a pat. "C'mon, Nick." He was trying to be funny I think, but I didn't smile.

"No." I crossed my arms. I really didn't feel well, and I think he knew because he got off the subject.

"He didn't hurt you did he? You said he came after you at the airport." He sounded worried and I just shrugged. I wasn't about to lie to him and say no. "Did he?"

"Not really."

"What'd he do?" Brian demanded. God, he always got so upset when one of us got hurt or sick. He hated to see anybody hurt or sick.

"It's not big deal," I muttered, but I pulled up my shirt to show him. I admit it was a pretty ugly bruise, but Brian looked so upset. I pulled down my shirt quickly.

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"I was afraid," I mumbled, turning away from him. I was still afraid. I turned to lay on my side. "I don't wanna talk anymore."

"Okay." He sounded tired. "Get some sleep."

"Stay there, ok?" I was kind of afraid to be alone to be honest, but I didn't wanna say it. I would just feel a lot better if someone was next to me. I didn't want to be alone.

"Sure, buddy."

I sighed after a minute of silence. "I'm sorry," I mumbled into the couch. I really was too. I almost regretted telling him. It wasn't like he could help. At least, no more than I could already. I felt him give me a pat.

"Don't be."

-

Chapter 12

I woke up to the sun shining across the walls and the TV blaring. No one else was in the room, but I could hear the guys in the kitchen. I blinked at the sudden brightness and pushed off the covers that someone had put on me during the night. It was so hot.

I almost cursed the sun for making everything look so cheerful. You know when everything looks so happy and perfect outside, but on the inside you feel basically like crap? It's frustrating really. That's how I felt that morning. Frustrated.

After a few minutes of just sitting on the couch and staring at the wall, I figured it was time to get up and face the guys. I faintly remembered telling Brian everything that had happened, but that seemed so far away. Almost like a dream. I started to wonder if I had actually told him.

I pulled myself up of the couch tiredly. It felt like I hadn't slept in days. Which was partially true. I hadn't gotten a full night's sleep in the longest time. It was getting to me if you want to know the truth. Don't people go crazy without enough sleep? But it wasn't like I could help it or anything. It was impossible.

I passed AJ when I came into the kitchen, and he reached out to tousle my hair playfully. I think he was trying to be annoying. "Nice fro, kid," he laughed as I swatted his hand away. I knew my hair was all messed up from sleeping. It was always messed up. I didn't care. That was the least of my worries. He punched my shoulder softly.

I grabbed a seat at the table next to Brian. It didn't look like he had slept well either. I felt bad then because I knew that was my fault. Maybe I shouldn't have told him. I could tell him now that I was only kidding. But then he'd just get mad.

"You doing okay?" he asked, looking up as I sat down.

"Yeah," I answered softly. I played with the edge of a napkin that was on the table in front of me. "You?"

"Fine." He paused and I knew what was coming. "You're gonna tell today, ok?" He looked me straight in the face but I didn't meet his eye. I wasn't about to make any promises. "You hear me?"

"Yeah." Of course I heard him. Does that mean I agreed? No, not at all. I started to shred the napkin into long thin pieces. It tore easily.

"Well, you're listening to me this time," Brian replied. I shrugged and shredded the napkin into smaller pieces. He knew me too well. "Got it?"

"No," I answered flatly. "I'm not telling anyone else."

"Then guess what," he answered in hushed voice. "If you don't, I will, and you can explain to everyone why you didn't. How's that sound?"

"No ..." That was unfair. Play nice, Brian.

"This is serious, Nick. I know you know that." He stared at me and I just gave him a long look. When I saw he wasn't going to change his mind, I pushed back my chair to get up. I was getting sick of everyone.

"Eat something," I heard Kevin say from across the table. I paused to glance at him.

"Not hungry, Kev."

"You're not going anywhere until you eat."

"I'm not hungry," I repeated. God, this was getting old.

"Then sit down," came his no-nonsense answer. Someone was getting annoyed with me, weren't they? Sometimes Kev had all the patience in the world, but other times it didn't take too much to set him off. This morning for instance. Right now, I didn't care. I just stared at him. When I opened my mouth to argue, he cut me off. "Nick, you're eating something even if we have to shove it down your damn throat, so just sit down."

"I'm not-"

"Nick, c'mon," Howie interrupted. He gave Kevin a look that I couldn't really see and then glanced back at me, shaking his head. "You make things so hard for yourself, you know that?" He took my arm and pulled me back to my chair. I didn't really put up a fight. It wasn't worth the trouble.

"Bagel?" Brian's voice had an I-told-you-so sort of expression as he held out a plate. I took it from him with a glare. Keep it up and this plate will be coming down over your head, Brian. God, why did I tell him? He only made things worse. Much worse.

"So what's on the agenda for today?" AJ asked cheerily as he plopped down in the chair next to me. I couldn't tell if he was being facetious or if he really wanted to change the subject. AJ confused me sometimes.

"I'm gonna fly home," I spoke up, rubbing in between my eyes. It felt like my head was going to explode soon. That's what I had decided- I wanted to fly home and just hang with my family for a few days. That could get my mind off of things, and maybe Sean would forget about me in the meantime. The guys all paused and looked at me.

"What?" AJ was the first to speak.

"I'm gonna fly home," I repeated slowly. "After the concert tonight."

"No, you're not," Kevin started. "Nicky, don't start this. You can't."

"No, no. I've been thinking. My brother's birthday is soon and so I have to-"

"Your brother's birthday is in December," Brian interrupted, shaking his head. Dammit, Brian. Why'd you have to go and know that? You've been ruining everything lately. I rubbed my forehead again.

"Right ..." I nodded, trying to think of something else. "I have to get him a gift and I ..." I trailed off. Think, Nick. Come on. It's not that hard. "I ..." I couldn't think of anything else to say.

"Nick," Howie said gently. "You can't, you know that."

"No, it's just that ..." I shot a look at Brian, but he looked away. He wanted me to tell them. "We have the day off after tonight, so I can fly down and then fly back up, and I'll be back in time so I won't miss the next stupid concert." I gave Kevin one of my pleading looks that in most cases worked, but he just shook his head.

"C'mon, you're not thinking, buddy." I opened my mouth to argue but he cut me off. "N-o."

"But-"

"We have a whole three day weekend off in about two weeks, we'll all go home then, how's that?" he offered. I could tell he was trying to be nice about it but I just shook my head. I didn't think that I could really last another two weeks if you wanted to know the truth. At that point, I didn't think I could last another day.

"Forget it," Brian said. "Here," he pushed a bagel in front of me, cut in two halves and buttered. What part of 'not hungry' don't these guys understand? Geez. I looked at it and back at him with a frown.

"Eat now or else," Kevin sing-songed. I really didn't want to know what his 'or else' involved, so I picked up a half and took a huge bite. I immediately felt sick, but I forced myself to chew and swallow, trying not to make a face. If they'd let me go home, I'd do just about anything.

"What a good boy!" AJ teased with a grin, patting my head roughly, like I was a dog or something. Frankly, it pissed me off, which I guess is why I punched him in the shoulder pretty hard. I didn't expect him to hit me back though. It was a playful punch to my stomach, but the second it hit I doubled over in pain, falling out of my chair. Ow, that hurt so bad. My stomach had never felt that pain before.

The second it happened, AJ immediately started apologizing like a madman. He sounded almost scared. Like he thought he might get his ass kicked or something. I just curled up on the floor and squeezed my eyes shut. Please go away. Everything, please go away.

I felt a hand on my arm and jerked away, only making it worse. I moaned. I thought I was dying. That's what it felt like anyway. It felt like I was drowning and I couldn't breathe. I took a huge gasping breath. See, I told the guys I wasn't hungry, and this is what happens when they don't listen. They never listen.

"Nick, man, I'm sorry ... I didn't smack him hard, I swear ..." AJ kept going on and on. I kind of wished he would shut up, but in a way I was glad he was sorry.

"Nick? You okay?" I felt a hand on my lower back. I opened my eyes and took a shaky breath, trying not to cry. My eyes filled for a second, but I blinked back the tears. I wasn't going to cry. "What's a matter?"

"I don't feel too good ..." I got out. Right, Nick, like they hadn't guessed that already. It didn't take a genius to figure out that much. I moaned again. A second later I was being carried into the other room and set on the couch. I still didn't open my eyes. If I did I think I would throw up.

"I didn't hit him hard," I heard AJ say again.

"I know, Jay," Kev said easily. "Nick, what's wrong with your stomach?"

"I don't know, nothing," I answered softly, turning on my side. The pain was going away slowly. Very slowly. Too slowly. I opened my eyes slowly and found the guys looking at me worriedly. Brian was sitting on the coffee table, arms crossed. He looked almost mad. I hated being at the center of attention.

"Like hell," Kevin answered. He reached out and grabbed the bottom of my shirt as to pull it up, but I hit his hands away and pulled my knees up to my chest. That hurt more, but I didn't care. "Lemme see." I shook my head. "How 'bout I go grab two of the guards and they can help?" I shook my head harder.

"Do you wanna go to a doctor?" Howie interrupted. "You haven't been feeling well for awhile."

"I wanna go home," I whined.

"You can't run away from it, Nick," Brian said, speaking for the first time. God, Brian ...

"Run away from what?" Howie asked, frowning. I just shook my head at Brian but he glared back. The closest Brian ever got to glaring at me anyway.

"Nick'll tell you. Right, Nick?" Brian looked at me expectantly.

"Shut up, Brian."

"Nick, don't be an idiot."

"Leave me alone, Brian."

"Nick-"

"Guys," Kevin interrupted. "What the hell is going on, huh?" He stared at me. "Nick?"

"Nothing," I answered defensively. "What's your problem?"

"You," he said matter-of-factly. I stared at him, mouth slightly open. Ouch. That hurt, Kevin. I pushed away and ignored my stomach's objection as I jumped up. Not to mention the guys' objections. I couldn't hear anything as I made my way to my room and slammed the door for emphasis. Then I locked it. If you want to know the truth, I was kind of scared of the guys when they got mad sometimes. Especially Kev. I don't know why, but I was.

I felt kind of bad locking Brian out of his own room, but that's life. He could deal. For all I knew he was out there telling the guys everything I had told him. I wouldn't doubt it.

I sat on the edge of my bed and tried to think. I had to get out of there. I couldn't take it anymore. Not the guys, not the job, not being chased. I'd had enough. I just needed a short break from everything and then everything would be okay. I could handle it. Easily. No problem.

So that was it. It was decided. I stood up slowly and grabbed my backpack off the bureau, unzippering it. I had most of the stuff in there that I would want, so I just threw in a jacket with my wallet and zipped it back up. I caught sight of the key on the table and grabbed that too, stuffing it in my back pocket. Might as well keep it with me, right? I pulled on a baseball cap backwards and sank into the armchair by the window. I would wait a little while and then take off.

And everything would be just fine.