"So how often do you have these dreams?" Dr. Campbell asked after giving her just a moment to breathe.

Emily was both amazed and relieved that she was not pressing her for more details about the things that Chris had done to her.

At least... not yet.

She had to stop and think about the answer to this question, "well," she said, deciding it was probably best to work from the present and go back to the past. "Right now I'm having them almost everytime I fall asleep. Day or night... sometimes even when I just barely nod off. And sometimes I'm able to shake myself awake and keep them from happening."

"Did they always occur so frequently?"

"No," Emily shook her head, "When I was in LA and they started, I only had six or seven during the whole two months we stayed there. And when we came home they stopped for a couple months. And then they started again and got worse and worse. I was having them once or twice a week and then eventually every single night."

"Are the dreams always the same?" she asked jotting down information as she answered the questions.

"No," Emily breathed steadily for a few moments. She knew this was going to be the most difficult part to talk about but she'd come this far so she might as well continue... let him go.

"Sometimes the dreams are the same. I'll have the same dream maybe for a couple of days and then I'll have a new one... and they've mostly gone in order... like I started out having dreams from when I was eight or nine, and in the past few months I've been older in them."

Dr. Campbell stood and returned to the seat behind her dest, "Tell me Emily, how often did he abuse you?"

Emily bit her lip. She knew this was another question that would be coming. It was the first time anyone had ever come out and said that she'd been abused. She sighed heavily and started with her mantra again, 'I have to let him go... I have to let him go.'

"It' depends I guess," she finally responded, trying her best to think back on a situation she'd rather forget. "I remember it more when I was younger... I think probably because when I got older, I got smarter. If I stayed in bed and pretended to be asleep, mostly he would leave me alone. He was usually drunk... but sometimes not. I remember it happening more often when I was younger, but I also know that it was worse when I got older... the things he did. They were way worse."

Emily shivered at the thoughts as she reached for a tissue. She was crying once again.

Dr. Campbell watched her with eyes full of compassion and kindness.

"How long did this last?"

Emily took a long shaky breath before she answered, "Five and a half years."

She squeezed the tears from her eyes as she looked down at the floor. She could feel herself unconsciously digging her fingernails into the skin on her knees beneath her blue jeans. But she didn't care. Five and a half years of her life that she would never get back. Five and a half years of her life... and even after he'd died she'd allowed him to control her.

"I think I've heard enough." Dr. Campbell stated after several long moments of silence.

"Um... okay..." Emily muttered, confused as she began to stand.

"Please sit back down," she motioned for her to sit again and she did.

"I've heard enough, but I want to talk to you about why I think you might be having these dreams."

"Oh."

Dr. Campbell walked over to a filing cabinet beside her desk and dug through it for a few minutes before pulling out a couple of papers. She brought them back over and handed them to Emily. She caught a glimpse of the first as she was handing them down, the top sheet was a brochure on, "Post Traumatic Stress Disorder." Emily flipped to the second when Dr. Campbell turned to grab her notebook. It was entitled, "Flashbacks."

Suddenly a realization sparked somewhere deep within Emily's mind. So she didn't think she was crazy afterall.

Dr. Campbell walked back over and sat down in the chair behind her desk across from Emily.

"I've given you two papers that I want you to read over and think about when you get a free moment," she said, pointing to the papers in Emily's lap. "The first is a brochure of facts about what I think you may be suffering from... Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. You've been through a lot Emily. More than many people could ever make it through on their own, and you owe it to yourself to get some help."

Emily nodded in agreement. She was finally starting to see that now. And for once it was nice to know there was someone who could tell her she wasn't nuts.

"The second," she went on, "is an article about flashbacks. When most people think about flashbacks, they think about something a person experiences in the awake state. But flashbacks can occur during sleep too. Especially during certain stages of sleep. The fact that you mentioned you experience them when you've barely nodded off and that they are the memories of your past traumatic experiences would lead me to believe that you may well be experiencing some form of flashbacks."

This was all starting to make a lot of sense.

"There is no real cure for flashbacks," Dr. Campbell continued, "but there are things that you can do to cope with them and things that may help relieve them. Coming here today, for one, and talking to me about all of this, about what's obviously bothering you, is a huge step in the right direction. I highly recommend that you continue to see someone.

Emily nodded in agreement.

"Another thing that you can do is to have someone who is aware of the situation, and who is aware of the flashbacks sleep in the same room with you constantly. Have them wake you up the moment they notice any indication of a nightmare. And I can also prescribe you sleeping pills at night to help you relax if it comes to that. I have a feeling you aren't slipping into a deep enough state of sleep to keep from having the flashbacks. If you can get there, you should be able to rest easier."

Emily continued to nod along with everything that Dr. Campbell was saying. It was a lot to take in at once, but it did make sense. She stared down at the papers in her lap, glancing silently at the first paragraph for a moment before Dr. Campbell interrupted her thoughts.

"I do have one other theory," she said as Emily looked up from her reading. "You mentioned that your memories seem to be playing out in sequence... getting more recent with time?"

"Yes. Mostly."

"I think," Dr. Campbell said, standing up once more and grabbing another paper from her cabinet, "that you may be headed for a major breakthrough."

"Huh?" Emily questioned, unsure of what she meant.

"Flashbacks can be a good indication that your brain is working to help your body heal from an ordeal. Your wreck would certainly have been considered a major ordeal and when you had memory loss, your doctors would have, without doubt, attributed that to a head injury. However, there's always a possibility that you have been surpressing a memory of something that happened, and this is your brain's way of bringing it to light. I can't be certain of course... but it's a thought."

Emily ran her fingers through her hair. Boy was this a lot to take in.

"Is there anything I can do then," she asked, "to speed up the process. I mean, I really don't want to go through this anymore."

"I don't blame you," Dr. Campbell crossed back over and sat down beside her, "but the only way I've ever known for a breakthrough to occur is for the flashbacks to continue. And that can be very risky. But I have to warn you, it's also very likely that it will happen regardless of what we do to try and stop it."

Emily felt her heart race and the tears return to her eyes once more. "I want to know what this is... I really do... but I don't think I can do this anymore. I want these dreams to stop."

Dr. Campbell nodded. "I know this is hard, " she reassured her, "I think you need to tell your brother, or someone else about this so that they can be aware when you're sleeping and wake you up if things get too bad."

Emily nodded, but she also knew there was no way she could tell Nick.

"Do you have any other questions?" Dr. Campbell asked and Emily shook her head. "Then I think we're done for today. You'll get through this. I won't promise it will be easy, but you'll get through it."

Emily wasn't sure that Dr. Campbell was right, but she smiled and thanked her anyway. She looked up at the clock on the wall and realized that they'd been talking for nearly two hours.

Two hours!?

Nick was going to kill her. She walked to the door and stopped before opening it, turning once more to thank Dr. Campbell who handed her a business card and said to her, "I want you to call me anytime you need to talk."

That was certainly reassuring.

"Thank you," she said as Dr. Campbell opened the office door and Emily walked out into the hallway alone. It was strange being alone again after being in the company of someone she felt so comfortable talking to for so long.

She started towards the door to the waiting room when suddenly she felt a very strange sensation. It was odd... like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. A weight she'd been carrying around for over 10 years. It was an awesome feeling. She opened the door to the waiting room to find Marcus there, his back to her, seated in a chair, reading the funnies.

She took a few moments to regroup, wiping her eyes with a tissue and breathign in and out deeply a couple of times. She looked in the mirror across the way. She looked tired, but otherwise not too terrible. She smiled. It felt good to really smile.

"Hi Marcus," she said as she headed over to where he was seated in the otherwise empty waiting room. "Reading anything good there?"

He laughed and smiled as he stood and folded up his paper. "Nick had to leave for his meeting so he sent me to wait for you."

"Well I appreciate that," She thanked him as she headed for the door. He followed closely behind.

Emily caught a glimpse of him reading the doctor's name and profession on the door as they left the room, and then glancing over at her curiously. "Everything okay Em?" He asked, a concerned tone in his voice.

Emily grinned as she pressed the down button on the elevator. "Actually," she replied as the doors opened up and the two of them clambered on together, "I haven't felt this good in a long, long time."

He smiled and winked at her and took her hand as they reached the lobby, "Well then," He said with a wink, "Sounds like a good afternoon for a walk through New York City!"

Emily laughed as the two of them headed of, hand in hand together through the city that never sleeps.

How fitting, she thought. And she laughed.

For the first time in a long time. Really for the first time ever, she was able to think past all the crap... and laugh.