Emily found herself staring up into the eyes of her older brother Nick. He smiled faintly as he brushed the hair away from her face.

"I thought you were sleeping," he whispered as he eyed her mysteriously, "is everything okay?"

"Yeah." She replied shallowly, even though what she really wanted to say was, "yeah right."... Was anything ever really okay anymore?

"I was just laying her thinking."

He nodded his head and took her hand as she made the mistake of allowing her eyes to wander towards the nightstand where she'd foolishly left the bottle of pills she'd thought about taking only moments before.

His eyes followed hers and she heard his small gasp as he reached out and clutched the bottle in his hand. He lifted it harshly, jerking his head back towards where she laid. She tried her best to hold back the tears that were pooling once more in her eyes as she felt his stare penetrating her skull through the darkness of the room.

"Nooooo!" She heard him yell out painfully into what had become a far too eerie silence, "What did you do Em? How many did you take?... Why?"

She couldn't move. She didn't. She just shook her head and wiped her tears. "What difference does it make Nick?" She whispered, because seriously... what difference did it make?

"Emily please don't do this!" He countered urgently, "Please God don't think that way." He sighed and pressed his face into his hands as he shook his head. They'd been here before and it never got any easier. "You know how much we love you Emily. You know how much I love you!"

"It doesn't matter anymore Nick..." she choked back a sob, trying her best not to look at him at all.

"I can't do this anymore. I can't keep living like this. It's not fair to me... or you.. or anyone else. I hate my life! I HATE this!" She cried as she flipped over onto her stomach and pressed her face into the pillow releasing a muffled scream.

"Em..." she felt his hand on her back, his voice calmer now as he gently rubbed her shoulder... "How many pills did you take?"

She sighed. Time for honesty. "I didn't take any Nick. Really. I thought about... but I didn't."

She looked him in the eye for the first time so that he would know she was telling him the truth. "There. Are you happy?" As if this one small fact could really make him happy. As if this one small fact could change all the things she'd done to lead them to this moment where he'd truly believed she was trying to kill herself.

She could hear the sigh of relief from beside her as he stood. She turned her head and watched as he walked from the bed to the bathroom where he flipped on the light. She heard the sound of pills splashing into water and the flush of the toilet and they vanished down the drain.

Had he seriously just flushed away her peace of mind?

She felt him sit back down on the bed beside her but didn't dare roll over or look at him.

"Dad thinks we should check you into Blueriver." He finally said as he rubbed her hair gently with his hand.

"Last I checked," Emily muttered under her breath into her pillow, "I never once asked for his opinion."

In truth, she could barely stand Bob Carter. He had never been a big part of her life. Little more than a sperm donor. She was the product of an affair, only two years younger than Nick's twin siblings, Angel and Aaron, and for nearly 10 years Nick had been the only Carter child to even know of her existance. When her mother hand died five years earlier in a car accident, it had been Nick... not Bob... who had taken her in and all but raised her through her teenage years.

"What about doing it for your mother then..." She heard him sigh, "she would have wanted you to get help Emily."

She sighed, holding back the tears she so desperately wanted to release now. "Nick... my mother's dead." She finally let it go... trying to sound as unemotional as she possibly could, even though it wasn't working. "Nothing's going to bring her back. Nothing's going to change that. Most days I think I'd be better off dying too, then at least maybe I could be with someone who really loves me."

The tears were flowing as fully as they ever had now and she felt him pull her up off the bed. He took her in his arms and hugged her close to his chest.

"I already told you," he whispered as he held her close, "I really love you!"

His words rang through her ears. It was hard to believe him... but only because for whatever reason she didn't really WANT to believe him. Because believing that someone loved her made it harder to want to die and wanting to die was something she was clinging to so desperately these days.

At first she didn't hug him back. At first she just stayed in his arms, feeling their warmth and the strength of his embrace. But as her sobs grew stronger and it became harder to breathe, she needed it. She felt herself slowly begin to embrace him back as she sat there and cried.

"I'm sorry Nick... I'm so sorry."

And she was... for everything. For all she'd put him through. For wanting so badly to leave the world.

"It's okay sweetheart," he whispered as he held her tighter still, "Everything's gonna be okay."