Nick crept out of her bedroom slowly, some hours later and shut the door quietly behind him. It was late and he was completely exhausted, both mentally and physically. Emily had fallen asleep an hour or so before but he'd refused to leave her side until he was absolutely positive she was resting well. He couldn't bare the thought of leaving her alone.

What if she woke up and still felt the same way?

What if she had another bottle of pills hidden somewhere that he didn't know about?

How could he possibly make all of this better for her?

The list of questions grew longer by day... but the answers never came. It was becoming almost too much to bare.

He paused outside the door for a brief moment, clutching the empty pill bottle in his hand, his eyes closed as he leaned against the wall and tried to think.

"You alright man?" He heard a familiar voice call out to him from the other side of the room. He opened his eyes to find his best friends, Brian and Howie, sitting there across from him. They were staring intently from their spot at the table in the corner, where they were seated playing chess.

He shook his head and walked over to the table, placing the pill bottle in the center and watching silently as the realization struck the faces of the other two men.

"What happened? Brian asked, standing and placing an arm on his best friend's shoulder, "is... is she okay?"

The tears were stinging Nicks eyes now and it was all he could do not to break down completely. He nodded weakly and sat down at the table, Brian leading the way as Howie pulled out a chair for him. He didn't know what to say anymore... or what to do. How do you even begin to tell your best friends that you're worried your little sister is going to kill herself and you feel completely powerless to stop her?

The only reply he could muster was similar to the one she'd given him when he'd found the pills himself... "She was only thinking of taking them."

But he said it sarcastically, his gaze falling back to the bottle on the table. How could he possibly make them believe those words when he didn't even believe them himself?

"I'm sorry Nick."

Brian reached out again and placed his hand on Nick's shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze, "If there's anything we can do please let us know. We all love Emily and..." his voice trailed off when he caught sight of the lost look in Nick's eyes. It was a look of confusion and pain. A look he know all too well. He glanced across the room towards Aj's door, afterall, they'd all been here once before.

Nick laid his head on the table and sighed, "God I'm exhausted."

"Go to bed Nick." Howie prompted, doubting Nick would agree, but going with it anyway. "We'll be up for a while longer... I promise I'll check in on Emily before I go to bed. Your dad said he'll be back first thing in the morning anyway, so you definitely need your sleep."

Nick moaned at the mention of his dad. He knew Emily wanted nothing to do with their father, but that didn't matter. Bob Carter had a head like a rock and so, he continued on insisting to be involved. He looked towards her door again and banged his head gently on the table several times. He needed his sleep, this was true, but he was always afraid of what he might wake up to these days that it made sleep a difficult commodity. He thought about it for a few moments before finally coming to the realization that there was nothing more he could do for her tonight.

Tommorrow was a new day and hopefully tomorrow would provide new answers.

"Alright." He finally caved, nodding his head in resignation. After a few moments hesitation he rose tiredly and headed towards the room he was sharing with Brian. "Wake me up if you need me for anything at all... okay?"

"We will man, get some sleep." Brain smiled reassuringly at him and watched as he walked into the room and shut the door behind him. He looked across the table to where Howie was seated, watching the door as well.

"This can't go on much longer," Howie whispered as he glanced from the door of Nick's room to the door of Emily's, "she needs some serious help man... and soon."

"I know D..." Brian agreed with a small nod, "I know."

Nick exhaled deeply the breath he'd been holding in for what felt like eternity as he sunk back into the comfort (or rather what little comfort there was) of his hotel bed. He pressed his hands forcefully to his face and let out a stifled cry... "ARGH!"

His thoughts were jumbled and his mind continued to race a mile a minute. He knew if he were to sit down right then and write a list of the worst weeks of his whole life, this one would rank right up at the top. He drew the empty pill bottle up to his face and clutched it tightly in his fist before snapping his arm forward and sending it whirling across the room where it clattered against the wall before falling into a pile of dirty laundry.

"Dammit!"

He loved his little sister more than words could say, but he also knew her better than just about anyone else in the world right now, and because of that he knew that this was beyond him.

He climbed into bed and punched his pillow a few times. He buried his face in it and quietly begged God to give him the answers he knew he so desperately needed. "Just tell me what to do God," he whispered into the darkness, "I'll do whatever I have to do to make her better... but God... you can't let her die."

He sat up quietly after a few moments and flipped on the lamp on the bedside table. He crawled out of bed and over to his suitcase in the corner. He unzipped it slowly, quietly, removing from its depths an old ratty photo album he always carried with him. He scooted back over to the the bed and sat down on the edge, opening the album to the first page and smiling when the image can into view. It was a hospital photo af a tiny baby, red and wrinkly, a pink bow on her head and a tiny smirk on her face as she slept all wrapped up in blanket. Taped beside the photo was a birth announcement that read;

Nick wiped away a tear as he carefully turned the page. There on the next page was a photo of Emily with her mother Angela, and their father, Bob. His father's 'secret' family.

Nick had learned over time that for the first few years of their relationship, his father had convinced Angela Hughes that he had separated from Jane Carter and that she had abandoned him, taking his other children and moving off to another state. Nick was the only child that Angela had ever met... a fact that Nick came to the conclusion was because he was the only Carter child old enough at the time to be trusted to keep his father's dirty secret.

Bob Carter had used Nick as an excuse, once or twice a month, for years, to steal away from his family for a weekend... sometimes longer... to visit with his 'secret' family. He would tell Jane that the two of them were going camping, or to the races, or that they were going to a baseball game. Never that they were traveling two hours away to Angela's home so that he could cheat on her with another woman. In retrospect, Nick realized, Robert Carter had used what should have been their quality father-son bonding time as an excuse for his own infidelity.

But he was too young at the time to really understand what was going on. He just knew that he couldn't talk about it. He knew that he couldn't tell his mom or his brother and sisters about Angela or about baby Emily. And even though he loved his sister with all his heart and longed to share her with BJ and Leslie, with Aaron and Angel... he always kept his promise. It wasn't until three years after Emily's birth when Nick joined the Backstreet Boys that the truth about Jane and Bob's marriage came out and after that, even though Angela promised Nick that he would always be a part of his sister's life, her relationship with Bob ended with her telling him she never wanted to see him again.

Nick turned the page again and smiled. His favorite picture of the two of them. Emily was around six months old according to the date in the corner and he was holding her on his lap. He was looking down at her and making a silly face and she was looking up at him and laughing the biggest laugh. Her mother had scrapbooked the words above, "The best big brother ever."

The next page read, "My Protector," and held a photo of Nick kissing a 'boo boo' on her knee as she cried in his arms.

He shut the book and laid back against the bed again. He certainly didn't feel like the 'best big brother' at the moment... and he knew he wasn't doing a very good job of protecting her either.

Something needed to change... and soon.