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Chapter Five
(Nick’s flashback)
It was a dark and stormy night. Wait a minute, isn’t that how most scary stories usually start? Anyways I was lying in bed sleeping when there was a flash of lighting and a huge boom of thunder. I didn’t want to wake my folks up so I closed my eyes crawled out of my room and started counting doors. I know her door was two down from mine. When I got to her door I carefully open it and crawled over to her bed feeling my way in. My eyes were still closed because I was crying and I didn’t want anyone to see. (What would you expect from a seven-year-old.)? When I finally got to her bed I started shaking her. “Ally? Ally wake up.” I whispered. She finally rolled over. “What is it Nicky?” She asked half asleep. “I’m scared, can I lay with you?” I asked still crying. She rubbed her eyes before looking at me. “Do you know I have school in the morning?” “Ah huh.” I said wiping my nose on my hand. “I promise to go right to sleep. Please, I’m scared.” I said as a flash of lighting struck and then a large BOOM! “Okay. Come on up. But if I hear one word from you, you can never come in my room at night again. Do I make myself clear?” She said pulling back the blanket. “I promise.” I said placing my head down on the pillow. After she laid her head back down, she wrapped her arms around and cuddled real close to me.

As the years passed I remember one time right before we were to leave for our first tour. We were lying out in the grass one night and she started telling me about this guy she has met at work. But what she didn’t know was that I also knew of him. “How long have you two been dating?” I asked her. “I met him last summer, so almost a year. Why?” “I don’t know? But his last name isn’t Richardson is it?” “Yeah.” Then she paused. “Wait a minute. You guys are leaving for tour next week. Kevin asked me to join him with his new band next week. Wow small world isn’t it.” She said laughing. I hadn’t said anything for a while because I had wanted to tell her then that I had feelings for her but when I found out that she was joining us on the road I lost all my nerves and chickened out.
(End flashback)

“So, for almost twenty years you’ve held these feelings in?” I asked. “I guess so.” “But why didn’t you tell her then how you felt about her?” “Because I know she would have laughed at me.” “Then tell her now.” I said. “What? Are you mad? AJ dawg she’s dating you!” Nick said in total shock. I turned and looked at him. Then I looked up and saw the shocked looks on Kevin and Brian faces. “Are you crazy?” Brian asked. “Maybe I am. But I think Nick needs to let her know how much he loves her.” Just as I said that the doctor walked in. “Alex McLean.” I looked up in shock to hear my name. “Yeah?” “Can you please come with me?” I looked at the others with a worried look on my face as I followed the doctor. We walked down the hall to a small office just past Allison’s room. “Alex please have a seat.” The doctor started as she closed the door. “My name is Dr. Jillian Livingston. I’ve been monitoring everything that has been going on with Mrs. Hill.” “What’s been going on with my girlfriend?” “Well, she has massive asthma. With the two attacks she has already had, we believe her lungs are failing.” “But she doesn’t smoke.” I said. “Do you or any of her friends?” I sat there starting to think this was all my fault. “I do, so does Nick and Aaron. But we don’t always smoke around her.” “You don’t have to be in the same room. The smell lingers on your clothes. Just being able to smell it will cause an attack.” “How is this going to affect the baby?” “Right now the baby looks healthy and doing fine. But if her attacks get worse, we’ll have to decide on what to do next.” “So basically the three of us either keep smoking or never be around her again or we try and quite?” I sat there thinking of what I really wanted to do. “I love my girlfriend to just let her go, so... I’m going to try and stop for her. Oh, when she has the baby will there be some kind of surgery she’ll have to go through for her asthma and lung problem?” “Yes there is but she and the baby have to make it to the birth.” I sat there taking in what she just said. “Do you have any other questions?” Dr. Livingston asked. “Yeah, I do have a question.” “Okay.” “I’ve been sitting in that waiting room all frickin’ week wanting to see my girl but Big Boy standing by her door won’t let me get close. What’s the deal with that?” I said getting upset. “I want to apologize for that. When I walked in her room I saw you lash out at one of my nurses so I was afraid for Ms. Hill.” “Why because of the way I look?” “Not just that but you were loud and ecstatic.” She said. “But when can I see her if I promise to chill-out?” “Well, right now there having to move her into a germ free room so probably not for another hour or so.” She said as she was standing up.

I hadn’t moved yet from all the shock I was in. I also tried not to brake down and cry. But I could stop the tears. Dr. Livingston looked at me. “Are you going to be alright Alex?” “I don’t know why I’m going to say this to you but I am.” “What is it?” She asked sitting back down. “I’ve been dating Allison now going on six years. I asked her to marry me a few days ago but she turned me down. I’m not going to give up on my girlfriend for anything. She told me if I’m willing to commit my life fully to her...” “Everything?” She asked. “No, I still have my own life to live but she told me that we need to spend more time together. If you know what I mean.” “So when was the last time you two had intercourse?” “You mean sex?” “Well if you want to put it out like that. Okay.” “The last time was the night I brought her in.” “And before that?” “Four months ago.” I whispered. “That’s when things between us went sour. But when she told me no, I’ve started making improvements.” I said. “Well keep working on it. I’ll bet by the time she leaves here you’ll be asking her again and she’ll even say yes this time.” She said with a smile as she opened the door. “I’ll keep that in mind. Thanks Doc.” I said shaking her hand before heading back to the waiting room.

When I got back to the waiting room, I found Kevin trying to comfort Nick; Brian and Howie were over talking to my mom and Marcus. So I walked back into the room and sat back down over by mom. My mom stopped talking and looked over at me. “Alex sweetheart, are you alright?” She asked. “I guess. They’re moving her down to an isolated room to keep her out of harms way, with all the germs and all.” I said. “Why is that?” “Because Nick, Aaron and I are smokers and she’s got very bad asthma. So I’m cutting down until we know what’s going on.” I said. “So when are you going to go see her?” “I’m going to run home first to shower and change my clothes then I’ll go see her.” “That’s a smart thing to do.” Mom said smiling at me. “I’ll come with.” Nick said. “Yeah alright.” I said to him. “I need to get in my last smoke so I can see her too.” “Nick you’re going to cut down too?” Brian said. “Of course. If I want her to get better I should.” Nick said following me out of the waiting room. “Hey Nick!” Brian yelled out. “Yeah Rok.” “You should call Aaron. Let him know what’s going on with her. If he wants to visit he should shower and change and also cut down until she’s better.” “I’ll let him know. I’ll call him when we get outside.” Nick said.

Once in the car Nick pulled out his cell and called his brother to give him the heads up. I grabbed my smokes because I knew I wasn’t going to be able to have one for awhile. I think the only time I’ll be able to have one is out on the back porch before taking a shower. I’m going to have to fabreeze the whole house to remove the cigarette smell for whenever Allison gets home. I dropped Nick off at his place, and then I headed home to get cleaned up myself. When I got home I started ripping up the place. I throw all the sheets in every room in the washer. Then I sprayed the couches and drapes with fabreeze. Then I called a cleaner to clean the carpets. I stepped outside and had a cigarette. While I was sitting outside I started thinking if I was going to be able to pull this off for her. The cleaning was already killing me because I’ve never had to do this. But the no smoking in the house or around my girlfriend was going to be the hardest. I had to do it. I finally headed back in and moved the laundry. Then I went back upstairs and jumped into a well-needed shower.

As the water cascaded over me I started thinking of how much I missed her soft skin touching me. How her kisses just make my toes curl and the hair on the back of my neck stand. The way she ran her nails across my skin. How she wrapped her mouth around my... “Ooh shit! I moan out loud. I hadn’t been paying to much attention to what I was doing until I relieved myself in the shower. I had to turn on the cold water just to relax. My body was aching for her touch and my groin was throbbing. I stood in the cold water for about fifteen minutes and washed up that way. I knew if I turned on the hot water I would never get out. After turning off the water I picked up her fuzzy blue towel that feels so soft when you touch it. I dried off then placed it around my waist. I walked back into the bedroom and took in a deep breath. The room smelled so clean and fresh. “Oh god. My room smells so... so... not me.” I said out loud. I had to shake that thought out of my head then I headed over to the dresser and pulled out a pair of my BSB boxers. They were the only ones I had left that weren’t in the wash. I also grabbed my Tommy Jeans and my red tank top. Then I headed back into the bathroom to brush my teeth, took a swig of mouthwash then brushed my hair. Back in the bedroom I put on a pair of sock and my shoes. Then I ran out the door back to the hospital.

When I got to the car I called Nick. “Hello?” “Hey Nick. I’m heading back to the hospital. Do you want a ride back?” “Yeah, I’ll meet you out front. I should be ready in like five.” Nick said. “Okay, I’ll be there to get you in a few.” I said as I was starting the car. On my drive over to Nicks I popped in one of Allison’s CD’s without even thinking. “How do I say goodbye, to what we had...” I had to change songs. “Do you believe in life after love...” Click. “Don’t want you back, Cause you’re no good for me, I know, That’s all I can say...” Click. “You have got to be kidding me!” I said changing to the next CD. “I know he’s driving a fancy car, When you’re with him, You’re feeling like a star, But when I’m home alone I think only of you, So what do you know, How does it go...” Next. “How can you see into my eyes like open doors, Leading you down into my core, Where I’ve become so numb with out a soul, My spirit sleeping somewhere cold, Until you find it there and lead it back home...” “Wow, that was deep.” I said as I was pulling into Nick’s driveway.

As the next song was starting Nick was getting in. “What are you listening too?” He asked. “Just the CD’s Allison had in the CD changer.” I said. “Like what?” I don’t know. I guess mainly burned songs that she likes.” I said. “Are you saying she like’s Papa Roach’s ‘Last Resort’?” Nick asked kind of shocked. “I guess so.” I skipped the rest of the songs and went to the next CD. The next one I found out was dedicated to me. So I had to listen. She had the Spice Girls ‘2 Become 1’, and a bunch from us. Like ‘I Wanna Be With You’, ‘If I Don’t Have You’, ‘Lay Down Beside me’, ‘I Need You Tonight’, and ‘Where Can We Go From Here’. “Hey why did you turn it off?” Nick asked looking at me. “You just wouldn’t understand.” I said trying to compose my cool. “What don’t I understand?” He asked confused. “Just listen to what she says at the beginning of the CD.” I started the CD over.

“My dearest Alex on his twenty-ninth Birthday.
You are my life; my soul mate and I will always love you until my dying day. You may not always be there for me, but I know that deep down that you care for me. I want this day to be special but I know that you’re not here to be with me so I can just let you know in songs how much we need each other right now. I miss you so much when you’re gone and I know right now work comes first when it comes to recording your next album. I just wish... I just wish... I just wish you would treat me like you used too. The way I should be treated. I’m just afraid if things don’t change back the way they used to be. I’m going to have to... leave you.

Don’t worry this isn’t a Happy Birthday I’m breaking up with you CD. This is just a CD telling you how much I love you. Alex I do love you. I have for the past six years. I just hope for the next sixty plus years. Well I hope you enjoy the songs I picked out. BIG KISSES! Allison.”

I looked over a Nick after parking the car. “Nick man are you okay?” I asked. “Yeah, I’m cool. And I understand now.” He said wiping his eyes. Let’s go see Allison.” He said getting out of the car. On the walk to the building Nick stopped. “Hey, AJ.” “Yeah.” “Is this the first time you’ve heard that?” I stood there thinking for a second. “You know what? It is. I don’t know why she never gave me that CD but I’m glad now that I found it.” I said starting to walk again. “I’m glad you found it too.” Nick said. “Thanks.” I said smiling at him and he smiled back.