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Alias: dontwantyouback [Contact] |
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23, Lover of BSB and Nsync. You can just go to my tumblr page, dontwantyouback.tumblr.com to see my posts and likes. |
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“We had it all, this love so strong. Now everything we had is gone. If you could read my mind, you’d know I’ve crossed that line…”
While Nick struggles to deal with what happened on the cruise, Howie’s indiscretions lead to dire consequences.Wow, I'm really getting an educational course in HIV and mixed-status relationships. I never knew about these baby-making options.
Awww, Nick, take it easy. You're human and erectile problems happen so don't be embarrassed about that. Lauren is beyond understanding, a calming force that should balance out Nick's paranoia. The topic of having a family really sent him over the edge.
I can so picture Nick's quivering chin from all the times we've seen his emotions take over. Great update :D
Author's Response: Sorry I am so late in replying to this review; somehow I missed a few of them! LOL I didn't know all these options existed either, until I started researching for this story. Technology and HIV treatment have come a long way. I'm glad you could picture Nick's reaction and understand his feelings in this chapter. Poor guy... he shouldn't be embarrassed, but he is definitely being paranoid. Thanks for the review; I enjoyed reading your thoughts on this!
When Leigh asked the James to leave the room, I knew I had to take a deep breath to take in some bad news. I felt so bad for Howie being delivered divorce papers while he's still recovering and away from his boys. I guess it had to happen sooner or later.
Geez, Howie, your fictional life is really f*cked up, lol. I'd give you a hug, but I don't wanna make you more sick. Stay strong, Howard. You'll eventually get to see your boys again, I hope. ;)
Author's Response: Thanks for being my 200th review, and sorry I'm so late in replying to it! Howie's fictional life really is fucked up, as is Nick's, LOL. It's always nice to see pics of them with their wives and kids online and reassure myself that things in real life are much better. Anyway, thanks again for the review!
I was nervous as to what Lauren and Howie would find at Nick's house after not speaking with him for a month. Thank goodness Lauren and Howie arrived in the nick of time. Nick can't survive on his own.
I love this awkward dynamic that Howie and Nick have after all they've gone through together. I'm excited about Nick staying with Howie in Florida. ^_^
Author's Response: Hey, sorry I'm so ridiculously late in replying to this review, but thank you for leaving it! Poor Nick is a mess. Hopefully Howie will help him get back on track. I just posted the next chapter finally!
lol, Poor Nick. I thought having to hide a monumental erection from James was going to be his biggest predicament of the night.
But OMG, I was not expecting his thoughts to drift in that direction, or for those thoughts to 'cause such a reaction in him. He's so sexually frustrated yet confused, unable to relieve himself without thinking of his bandmate. This has taken an interesting turn. XD
Author's Response: Yes, this was an interesting chapter to write, for sure. Things I never thought I would be writing about... LOL Thanks for reading and reviewing!
I caught up with the last four chapters. Poor Howie having to miss out on the amusement rides. That scene with Howie saying goodbye to James was heartbreaking. Nick can’t leave Howie all alone in that house.
Lol at Howie beating a dead panda. Give it a rest, Howard. XD
OMG, I wasn’t expecting Nick to be that forthcoming about his suppressed bisexuality to Howie. That lingering kiss though. I guess Nick needed to commit to that kiss or he’d keep on questioning his sexuality and haunted by flashbacks. Great use of Nick’s bullied past as the reason why he initially couldn’t admit this revelation to himself. I’m guessing a Howie and Nick relationship is not going to happen, so Howie probably shouldn’t get his hopes up too high.
Oh no, I was hoping that their health scares were over. Don't die on me now, Howie, lol.
Author's Response: Thanks so much for taking the time to catch up and review! The scene with Howie saying goodbye to James was so sad to write! I can't imagine how hard that would be. I think you're spot on with what you said about Nick needing to commit to the kiss, in order to find out once and for all how he really felt. I'm glad the bullying in his childhood seemed like a believable excuse. I know he's said he really did get picked on as a kid, so it made sense to me. Thanks again for all your thoughts!
Awww I love how caring Nick has been these last two chapters, especially that little pep talk before Howie went to get his tests done. It was sweet of him to turn his initial shock of seeing Howie's scar into a compliment.
Too bad they'll probably miss the next rocket launch, if there even was going to be one. At least the Boys will be there to share in Nick's distress. ^_^
Author's Response: Thanks! It was nice writing this side of Nick, although I like angry, angsty Nick too. I think this forced Nick to find his inner strength, man up, and be the support Howie needed. Thanks for the review!
OMG, a romantic frolic on the beach and a passionate kiss? I can't process the cuteness of this chapter. I wonder what's going through Howie's mind, other than sheer exhilaration.
I can't imagine what Lauren would think if/when she finds out about it. Escndalo. I almost wish Nick could be with both Lauren AND Howie, as weird as that arrangement would be.
Author's Response: Thanks!! :) You will get some of Howie's thoughts in the next chapter. A Nick/Howie/Lauren threesome would be interesting, LOL. I get it, though. I love Nick and Lauren together, but this Nick/Howie stuff has been surprisingly fun to write.
"OMG" is now a punctuation mark at this point.
I've read many slash fics before, but this still left me jaw-dropped, probably because of Nick's unforeseen bisexuality and unpredictability. Lol at Nick thinking he'd rip Howie apart.
Based on the end notes, it seems like Howie might be pushing his luck. Quit playing games with Howie's heart, Nick.
Before I clicked the link, I knew it would take me to the video of Howie talking about Nick's pubic hair progression. In terms of slash, Howie & Nick can sometimes be a head-scratching pair, but it's comical moments like that that make me root for their fictional relationship. ;)
Author's Response: Thanks for the review! It's great to read thoughts from someone who is a slash fan. I think Nick has been suppressing some feelings for a long time that he's finally allowing to come out, and that makes him unpredictable.
LMAO at Nick's face when Leigh mentioned him busing Howie's butt. Poor Howie. Nothing could've prepared him for Nick's not-so-little friend.
So sad when Leigh had to say goodbye to her boys. At least now they can spend a lot more time with their dad and uncle.
I wonder who will be the first to find out about whatever is going on between Howie and Nick. I'm dreading the possibility of it being James. Unless they're taking this secret to their grave, lol.
Author's Response: LOL Thanks! Good question! I think they will try their best to keep it a secret from James, but little kids do have a way of barging in, as Nick has already learned LOL.
You've been on a roll with these updates these last few weeks. And this might be the longest fic I've ever had the patience to read. Kudos to you for maintaining my interest for over 3 years when I first starting reading it.
In response to a previous comment, I wish I knew which Kevin/Nick slash fic that Kevin had mentioned in that Perez video. I wanna read it so badly.
AIDS? In my head, I'm hearing Howie's mom sadly saying, “Not the AIDS…” from Chapter 7. And it's all the more tragic for this to happen to Howie right after the pool action.
Oh Gosh. There's only 2 more chapters and an epilogue? That doesn't seem to leave enough room to tie up Howie's loose ends. It seems as though there's a tombstone with his name on it. It was nice knowing you, Howie. :'(
Author's Response: Thanks for sticking with it that long!! I do tend to write long stories and take a long time to write them. I wish I knew which story (or stories?) Kevin had read too! Aww, I know; it's so sad! I will say that the last few chapters are pretty long. I was very determined to end this with Chapter 80 (and an epilogue), not 81 or 82, because I like nice, round numbers LOL. So there's still a lot to come!
Brutal to have Howie's lifeless body to be pounded like that for half an hour, lol. XD
I cried when Howie was presumably talking to his kids for the last time and also when Nick had to watch Howie die right in front of him. And the rest of the time I was wiping my nose and upper lip.
This is all the more painful after all their talk about “The Indestructible Howie D”, planning a future date, Nick calling himself his “partner”, Howie trusting the new Nick with his life, Nick feeling Howie’s heart beat, and AJ momentarily getting Nick’s hopes up.
Though, it would’ve been more sad if Howie died while Nick wasn’t there. I was worried this would be like “The L Word” when Dana's heart stopped while her friend/lover stepped out of the hospital for a few moments. So at least Howie didn't die alone.
I can't imagine how James must've felt to see his dad in the casket just days after that phone call.
It was a great way to tie up the story by having Lauren swoop in and show Nick that she's willing to take on the the same risk of loss that Nick took on with Howie.
Excellent story overall! Thank you for committing to this story and seeing it through the end. I'm glad I stuck around for this dramatic conclusion. ^_^
Author's Response: Ahh, I know! This was a hard ending to write. I actually was originally planning for Nick not to be there for Howie's death and just find out after the fact, but I changed my mind a few days before I wrote it. It made it more dramatic, but I liked that Nick was there with him in the end. The stuff with James and Holden was the hardest to write; that's what got to me the most. I'm glad you liked the ending with Lauren coming back into Nick's life. Thank you so much for the compliments and feedback! I appreciate you sticking with this and leaving reviews throughout, and I'm glad you enjoyed the story!
When BSB posted the pic of Nick and Howie having an Easter brunch on Facebook, I thought, "Awww, they'd make a cute couple. I can see why that nice elderly lady at the space exhibit thought they were a gay couple."
I love how accepting the Doroughs were. After almost losing Howie to a suicide attempt and liver failure, nothing could tear them apart.
Good luck to Nick if he thinks he can hide their relationship from his bandmates. I wonder if his bandmates will be more or less perceptive than Howie's sisters, and if Nick will run into Lauren in LA.
Author's Response: LOL I thought the same thing about that picture! Howie's family seems close and seems like they'd be supportive of anything. We'll see what happens with the boys. Good questions! Thanks for the review!
I had to chuckle at the reference to George Clooney from the BSB Cruise 2013 Q&A. Even though it seemed like Howie randomly named a male celebrity off the top of his head, maybe his gay counterpart would be into him. XD
You can't hide anything from Kevin and his laser green stare. I wish I could see the lingering loving gazes being exchanged between Howie and Nick. http://68.media.tumblr.com/6a8f6ec007bc96b28d5da95ffa1d77ab/tumblr_ngf6n3omqY1qcela8o3_r2_1280.jpg
I hope Nick's not too pissed at Howie for inadvertently outing him.
Author's Response: George Clooney is so sexy! LOL I would love to say that was a planned reference to the cruise Q&A, but I had forgotten all about that until you mentioned it - works out perfectly though! LOL As does the pic you linked. Thanks!
"Hot, steamy, butt sex" LMAO, I love when Nick tries to push Leighanne's buttons. I wonder if Nick is a bit sour at her for figuratively cockblocking the Frick & Frack friendship at times. Cute hug at the end.
Well, for Howie's sake, I hope Brian's words aren't too accurate. Howie is probably too deep in the honeymoon phase to have given the possibility of Nick "settling" a lot of thought.
Author's Response: LOL I couldn't resist writing that in. I don't think Howie has considered the possibility that Nick is settling for him either. Thanks for the thoughts!
This was an anticipated chapter that had me clutching my pearls. I didn't know how Lauren would react when she found out about Howie. "Sneaky bastard"? She went from seeing Howie as a friend to a manipulative little homewrecker, lol.
I wonder how Nick is going to continue things with Howie with Lauren's words weighing on his mind. Howie might not want to get too comfortable with this relationship if Nick develops second thoughts.
Author's Response: LOL, I hope it lived up to your expectations! Thanks for the review! :)
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