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Fic Talk => General Discussion => Topic started by: Laura Mae on December 28, 2006, 11:08:39 PM

Title: Favorite excerpt(s) you've written?
Post by: Laura Mae on December 28, 2006, 11:08:39 PM
Okay, guys, here's a chance to toot your own horn:

I know some of you are familiar with each other's stories, but in case some aren't, pick one or two of your favorite stories you've written ('cause I know sometimes it's hard to choose just one) and post a short excerpt from each that you are particularly proud of and tell us why.

My first favorite excerpt would have to be the opening of Sexcapades! (http://absolutechaos.net/viewstory.php?sid=7622) - a coming-of-age comedy where Nick finds the tables turned on him. Though I've written this part, I co-author this story with my lovely friend, Mel, who hasn't joined the boards yet. *glares*

(warning: excerpt contains strong language)

I woke up this morning. Well, more like Kevin banged the holy hell out of the door till I managed to drag my ass out of bed.

Who’s Kevin, you ask?

Actually, I’m not quite sure. Known the guy for thirteen years now, but his existence still baffles me. I suppose he’s like a big brother to me, but damn, maybe he’s got that role down too well. You’ve seen the Charlie Brown cartoons, right? Whenever it’s, “We need to talk,” time, I always get this picture of me standing in front of the teacher’s desk while everything goes completely over my head. “Wah wah wah wah wah.”

Almost cracks me up just thinking about it, but I don’t ever dare do that again. The last time I did, my ear hurt like a b--- for a week. Kevin has this annoying habit of pulling your ear when he thinks you’re not paying attention to him. “Show wah wah respect wah wah wah wah foot up where the sun don’t shine wah wah wah, Carter.”

(That’s me. Carter. Nick Carter. Heh, heh. I’ve always wanted to say that. Dammit, where’s my martini?)

Anyway, just know that if you see a tall guy with f---ing caterpillars for eyebrows that walks with a twig up his ass, there’s a 99% chance it’s Kevin. The other one percent: Groucho Marx. Only without the twig.

Where was I again?

Oh, right. Waking up.

I'm not quite sure why it's my favorite... perhaps it's because I was just starting to dive into the whole comedy thing and wasn't certain if I'd be any good at it or not... but fortunately, my Nick muse served me well. ^^ Not to mention it's always fun to take a shot at Kevin's eyebrows. XD

For more of a dramatic/angsty turn, my other favorite excerpt would be from Something Beautiful (http://absolutechaos.net/viewstory.php?sid=6441) (a solo project) - a story about Nick going to hell and back for a girl torn between grieving over her past and hoping for the future.

(warning: some more strong language below)

F---, Alexi. He closed his eyes, unable to sit up any longer as his body gave way to the bed sheets. Mumbling a few more expletives, a watery discharge coated his fingertips as he rubbed his eyes. F---ing hell. This has gone too far. He groaned, splaying his fingers over his face. And to think I might be the only one that can help her.

Moments passed without a single word from either end. Alexi was the first to speak again, her tone weak. “Nick?”

“I’m still here,” he managed to croak out.

“Are you mad?”

He strained a sigh, swallowed, then sighed once more. As tension inflicted his muscles, he pressed his lips together, knowing he’d have to choose his words carefully. “Why didn’t you call me earlier?” he asked, his knuckles whitening as they curled into a fist. “Before you did it?”

She stammered, “I knew it. You… you are mad at me.”

His nostrils flared. You bet your ass, I’m mad! You’re not just doing this to yourself anymore. You’re doing a nice little number on me, too. But as much as he wanted to give her a piece of his mind, he bit his tongue. One wrong move, and he feared he would instigate an entirely new slew of problems. He had to treat her like a ticking bomb with only seconds to spare. “I’m not mad at you; I’m just… concerned.” His jaw grew taut as he kept his tone under control. “Why do you feel like you have to resort to something like this?”

“I don’t know,” she moaned. “I just can’t help it.”

No way in hell would he settle for that kind of answer. Not this time. “But there’s gotta be something that triggers it. You don’t do it for no reason, do you?”


“So why do you do it? And don’t give me any shit about it being a stress reliever. You can’t expect me to believe that you actually feel any better afterwards.”

Her hesitant retort was void of any life. “I’d rather feel physical pain than emotional pain.”

“Wait.” His forehead creased as he attempted to piece everything together. “You do this because… you think it helps you forget what’s really going on?”

“I guess you could say that… though it only ends up doing the exact opposite. I try to forget, but it won’t let me.” She sniffed, adding, “But that’s not the only reason.”

“There’s more?”

“I’m afraid there’s more than you’ll ever know, Nick.”

He subconsciously gulped. For the first time, he realized how much he had gotten in over his head. They weren’t just up against an uphill battle the size of Mount Everest; they had to face a bottomless abyss before they could even reach the mountain. And as he stood at the edge of the chasm, miles upon miles of pure darkness below him, he had to ask himself… was this really worth it? Or would they only go down in flames?

But he soon concluded there was only one definite answer:


This one was harder to pick because I do have quite a few favorite scenes from this story, but I also didn't want to pick one that would spoil much of anything, so I had to settle for something that probably isn't my best work. This particular part I like, though, because I really wanted to start to show just how deep the hole was getting for both Nick and Alexi, that she wasn't just hurting herself, but others around her. And yet, Nick's willing to go the distance for her as will be proved later on... though it takes a while for him to learn that he needs to stop "helping" her so much and start helping himself.

Now that I've posted a couple of things, feel free to comment and/or post your own! :)

EDIT: Sorry, I edited some of the language... for some reason I didn't think to do it before. Sorry.  :-[
Title: Re: Favorite excerpt(s) you've written?
Post by: nicksgal on December 29, 2006, 12:04:13 AM
Hmmmm.... *thinks*

Any excerpt I posted would be a total spoiler. :(

*sigh* No excerpts for me then. :(
Title: Re: Favorite excerpt(s) you've written?
Post by: Laura Mae on December 29, 2006, 12:06:56 AM
Aw, come on, there's gotta be SOMETHING...
Title: Re: Favorite excerpt(s) you've written?
Post by: Purpura Lipstick on December 29, 2006, 12:35:29 AM
uhhh I cannot choose
Title: Re: Favorite excerpt(s) you've written?
Post by: Laura Mae on December 29, 2006, 12:57:48 AM
*sigh* You guys are no fun. *pouts*
Title: Re: Favorite excerpt(s) you've written?
Post by: RokofAges75 on December 29, 2006, 01:17:52 AM
Okay, I'll play. :D

I had a hard time picking something to post too, 1) because it was hard to think of an excerpt that really stands out to post, and 2) because it was even harder to find one I like that doesn't give away too much.  But I did some thinking and found one.

I like this excerpt for several reasons.  First, it's incredibly angsty, so much so that it kinda makes me laugh LOL, but I love writing angst, so it showcases that side of my writing well.  Second, it was very meaningful when I wrote it because, not only did it come at a major part in the story it's from, but it also ended the second (of three) parts of the story, AND it was the last thing I wrote before I started college in August of 2003.  It was emotional for me because I moved away to college like two days later, and I was undergoing this huge life change, and I wasn't sure how much writing time I was going to have, and I knew that when I did get back to writing, I would have this HUGE thing in the story ahead of me to write almost right away, so it was very significant for me.  I still remember not only actually writing this part, but also brainstorming for it (in the shower, where all my best brainstorming happens LOL).

Anyway, enough rambling; here's the excerpt, from Chapter 100 of my story "Broken."

He stood up slowly, his leg aching under his weight as his feet sank into the sand, and turned to go back to the house, his heart heavy at the thought of the phone call he was going to have to make.  But a seagull’s cry made him turn back, his eyes drawn instantly to the glistening water.  He set his gaze on the horizon; as far as he could see, there was nothing but ocean.  And oh, how he longed to set sail and never look back, drift out on that vast expanse of water and let it simply carry him away.  An escape.

Without a thought, as if possessed by the enchanting power the ocean held over him, he staggered toward the water, relishing the feel of the wet sand squishing between his toes, the coolness of the water tickling his ankles.  The bottoms of his rolled-up pant legs grew wet as he walked further in, but he did not care.  Before he knew it, he was waist-deep, and his pants were soaked.  But he hardly noticed, nor did it matter.  Nothing really mattered, after all.

And with this attitude, he hurled himself headfirst into the water, the shock of the cold water numbing his body and soul, deadening the physical and emotional pain, rendering him blind to the world above the surface and opening his eyes to the peaceful world below.  How he wished he could simply sink to the very bottom of the ocean and stay there, leaving his problems bobbing like cork on the top.

But as soon as he rose to the surface, sputtering and gasping for breath, his brief escape was thwarted as he was captured by reality.  And though his body remained free to drift in the ocean’s current, his soul was bound, bound with the decision he knew he had to make.


He kicked hard, propelling his body through the water and wondering if it would be the last time he swam with both legs.  The very thought made his eyes well up again.  Hot tears dripped down his wet cheeks, mixing with the salty sea.

He shook his head desperately, his chest heaving, his head pounding, his heart racing.  This was not something he could face now.

And so, he simply plunged beneath the surface once again.

Title: Re: Favorite excerpt(s) you've written?
Post by: Rose on December 29, 2006, 01:47:58 AM
Lord lol. I have no idea which one is my fave...but I'll play and try to find one lol. One is pretty dark, but its a fave because I think its my first really dark fic and I was willing to go there. It gets darker as you go on but I just like the confrontation I did.

Its a long excerpt from "As Reality Crumbles" but I think I did a good job with it.

She had come back out to her spot on the ledge rather than going inside to try and meditate and focus her power as she had planned. She felt restless and wasn’t sure why. A feeling burned within her. One she hasn’t felt in a little over a year. She shook her head as her dark gold tresses fell about her face. No. It was impossible. It had to be something else. But then the images came. Her mind burned as the images rushed through her head. What came first were the memories.

“Nyxnia what are you doing!?” Her twin brother had stood there in his human look as she did what she had to do. Nickoli was in her way. Feelings about him were not important. What had been important was the plan. Now there he was, Alexius Janis, first of Kevinicus’ children. Now trying to meddle where he should not be.

“What I have to Alexius!”

“You can stop this! Don’t do this!” He had cried, his dark brown eyes clashing against her sharp piercing blue orbs.

She laughed mockingly, shifting into her true form. The one she had been born with, as all those of the royal line were. Yet the Richardson line of Dimonos had the ability to look human so they could blend with townspeople when necessary. Her raven feathered eagle wings shot out of her back sharply, as her delicate hands had red razor claws morph from her hands. Deadly horns grew from her head as she yelled in rage. “I will do as I please! I control my destiny now! Does my own twin fight against me!?”

She could see the pain in her brother’s face, pain at what she was choosing for herself. Guilt welled up within but was quickly extinguished. Nickoli was still in her circle, trapped within the fiery darkness she had created for him. No one could stop her now. She was Nyxnia Jadis of the Richardson line. She would be powerful. She would have the control she desired.

“I won’t let you do this!” A storm raged around them on that ledge the twins used to sit and talk on when times were better. The rain poured upon them heavily, yet the violet dangerous flames of their world could not be extinguished. They stood there drenched as the lightening blazed about them fiercely, booming in the distance. It grew closer every time it struck and gave off a glow upon Nyxnia that was hauntingly beautiful.

“You don’t have a choice nor a say. Do you wish to try and stop me!”

“I will if I have to!”

“Then your fate will match Nickoli’s.”

And then this one, also being written recently because I always write in third person but with this one I'm trying to go out of my safety zone and its in Nick's pov, and I think I nailed his personality pretty well (the way he was back in 02/03 anyway when he isn't as together as he is now). Its the closet I've done to a non AU story cause  he's famous, but I delved into Nick's rockier side had he chosen that instead of pop music back in the day

Warning: Strong language (and is a little long again lol)

At the time I thought life was just fucked. I had four guys I considered brothers looking out for me, but I knew the world was fucked. I just knew. My family was a prime example. Abusive parents, eldest of six and ignored by everyone in my family by the time I moved out at eighteen. Six years later and nothing there changed much. Except when they need money or my mother wants to bring me down by calling and bitching at me. The world loved me and the world hated me. Well, the girls of the world loved me anyway. More accurately would be they loved my image. Nick Carter That was who they loved. Did they ever even like me? Nick? Can’t say, they never looked for him to find out. I had been working since I was barely thirteen and now I was twenty four. My life was hell at best and I was so sick of everything.

I knew there were some things not meant for me. I knew fame was because I had it. Loads of it. The youngest member in a band you might have heard of. Just maybe. Flames of Ice. Biggest group around since those gay Backstreet Boys. Though only way you knew of us is if you listened to our kind of music. We were fucking huge, but not overexposed like that boyband I mentioned. Music was my life. It was just a part of me. I write songs constantly and there is no bigger rush than getting up and performing. The tour bus always sucks though. I go fucking stir crazy on it and as Howie likes to tell me, “I drive them all loco”. So when I ain’t bouncing off the damn walls, I always was writing in one of my notebooks ideas for new songs. Yes I fucking carry notebooks around. No I ain’t gay, I just use them to get shit out. If I didn’t I would have lost it a long ass time ago. Wait, did I ever have it? Heh oh well. I’m one of the lead singers, and I’m on the guitar. Typical shallow rockstar I bet you’re thinking. So from thirteen on all I had were the guys. Damn good thing too or I would have been gone long before now. Not trying to get your sympathy or any of that shit. Just a fact.

So that evening I was staying at Brian‘s. My place wasn’t far but he wanted me to stay that night. Heh, more or less because he wanted to keep an eye on me. The others were fucking paranoid I would make Jay’s mistakes and do the shit he did. Like I’m that stupid? Damn I’ve got a shitload of my own mistakes to make. There was a lot I needed to figure out. Things I wanted to figure out. I was having a fucking load of trouble doing that too. Everyone thought I was a happy go fucking lucky guy who liked to party like crazy. There was a lot going on with me that no one saw. No one saw through my fake smile. I was good at it. Been practicing since I was just a little kid. Hell sometimes I wondered if I even had a fucking real smile anymore. I don’t even know. The guys didn’t see through it either, it was that convincing. They knew what went on that no one else saw. They knew what I was dealing with but, they didn’t know how I was dealing. They thought I was alright, I knew I wasn’t. Who knew if I ever would be. So I played it up as being insane and happy. Why bring the guys down? They couldn’t help, I was alone. Part of that was my fault I knew, it had to be, but I couldn’t fuck up the guys’ lives with my shit the way I fucked up my own.
Title: Re: Favorite excerpt(s) you've written?
Post by: RokofAges75 on December 29, 2006, 02:06:52 AM
LOL Rose, where do you come up with those names?!   They're really cool; I'm just wondering.  Do you make them up?
Title: Re: Favorite excerpt(s) you've written?
Post by: Rose on December 29, 2006, 05:30:19 AM
LOL Rose, where do you come up with those names?!   They're really cool; I'm just wondering.  Do you make them up?

Calypso is just a name I've always wanted to use lol. I love it. And it shortens well, and so I had to use it somewhere lol. Nyxnia Jadis is one I totally made up. Nyx is a real name though, it means night. Alexius I made up...cause AJ needed a more demony name in a demon dimmension...a nd Nickoli I made up cuz it sounded cool for the same reason LOL.

I'm alllways looking for different names, cause some get so overused lol. That and I'm odd. I wanna name my future someday daughter Destiny Rose someday hehe. 
Title: Re: Favorite excerpt(s) you've written?
Post by: mare on December 29, 2006, 08:50:41 AM
This was fun trying to find an excerpt I was really proud of and the one I came up with is from my sequel to Mel's Season's of Change.

I looked out into the crowd and saw in the middle of all the people a small child, about three sitting on his dad's lap and sucking on his two middle fingers of his right hand. His dad was bouncing him. You could tell the kid was restless and just about on the verge of crying. I felt like that child. That kind of summed up who I was. But not who I was becoming.

"Life is funny how it throws us it's little curve balls. When I think about all the roads I could have traveled versus the one I actually found myself walking, I am amazed. Amazed and relieved."

That's when I saw my dad staring at me with the same look he had in his eyes when he stared at the static on the television. It was a look of wonderment. I used to read it as lost, but maybe I had misread it all along. Maybe the look was really one of expectation. Maybe in that static he pictured his accomplishment s, maybe I was one of those for him. I would've liked to think that my Father pictured this day in his head ever since I was born. Maybe that was the case. Or maybe he was thinking about my Mother. How she should have been sitting right by his side watching the whole thing.

"And so, my fellow graduates...I only hope that your season of change has been as painful, spiritual, life altering and exciting as mine has. We have a long road to walk into adulthood..don't waste a minute of it thinking about what you should have done or could have done." Just like my father.

I didn't say that thought out loud, at least not then. Many years later when giving speeches had become second nature to me while doling out advice or getting honorary doctorates, I found myself talking more openly about my father and my theories about his unhappiness. Our families overall sadness, but at that moment, I kept those words as a silent thought as I exchanged a quick thoughtful glance with my father.

"Strive to become the best person you can be and never forget the people who helped get you there. Because in the end that's all that really matters. Thank you."

I stepped away from the podium to the sounds of silence followed by a roar of applause. People were standing up for me. My family was cheering. AJ making whistling sounds. I wasn't sure when I should walk away, so I waited for Mrs. Christopher to give me a cue which she finally did.

As I walked back down to my chair I took one final look at the crowd, how different things were going to be for me now. I was terrified but open for the challenge. That's what life was all about.

those were the last few paragraphs of the story.

my other favorite passage is muc much shorter and it comes from It Stays with You and it's Brian talking...

You know, life is not about happy endings. I’m sure a lot of you who may be reading this might think that it would have ended a bit differently. Maybe we catch the bad guy and fight, I stab him in the chest and we all live happily ever after, finally getting my revenge. Believe me; I would have liked nothing more than for that to happen. Unfortunately, this tale ends a bit differently. There is no happy ending for me. In my world, there is only to be continued…

Not sure what it is about that I like. I just always remember it for some reason and considering the fact that i'm lucky I can remember my own name, that says a lot I guess...who am I again? lmao
Title: Re: Favorite excerpt(s) you've written?
Post by: Chaos on December 29, 2006, 09:39:58 AM
It's a lot harder to do this than I thought it'd be! lol. It's hard to find clips that work out of context without them being too long or without them giving away too much of a story. I found in the case of "Frackenstein" or "Major Inconveniences" that there really wasn't a spot in either fic that stood out to me enough to say "I'm really proud of this" and yet I love so many of the quotes and images I threw into them. Re-reading over some of my short-fics looking for excerpts, I've decided, though, that I really need to start going back to some of my old roots in humor writing.

Okay, so some clips...

Context, from Ground Zero: Nick is facing a press-conference following his escape from a kidnapping in which he was missing for 6 days. He's just received a threatening phone call, and he's more than a little freaked out.


I closed my eyes and concentrated on breathing and keeping myself calm while everyone in the room got settled. I still hadn't really figured out what exactly I was going to say, and it was unnerving to know that no matter what came out of my mouth it was going to be broadcast on live television. No editing to make me look better. If Kevin had come to the conference he'd probably be sweating bullets worrying that I was going to say something really stupid like I usually end up doing. There's another reason I should have had Wendy wake him when I'd had the chance. I imagined him sitting in the chair down at the other end of the table all tense and fretting over what disastrous comments would come out of my mouth. Is it wrong that I almost started laughing at that image?

Finally the room quieted and I knew that everyone was waiting for me to say something.


I opened my eyes and found that all eyes were, indeed, on me. I could do this. It was just like any other performance, I tried to convince myself. I'd gone onstage several times when I'd been sick as a dog and ready to pass out from exhaustion; I'd gone onstage several times when I'd been extremely pissed off after an argument with one of the guys, one of my parents, or my ex-girlfriend-who-shall-remain-nameless. Once in the spotlight, none of that can matter. The trick is to keep smiling and leave all other concerns completely behind. Can't let anyone see what's really going on behind-the-scenes, so to speak. The cool and completely (or at least mostly) in control stage persona takes over and Nickolas Carter the individual with worries and insecurities ceases to exist until the show is over.

With that in mind, I flashed the best smile I could and gave a little wave to the room. "After that little scene I bet y'all are wondering what I'm gonna do for an encore," I started out. There were a few genuine chuckles and a lot of polite laughs. Tough crowd. Gotta loosen 'em up a bit. That's usually AJ's job, though. Then again it usually doesn't take a whole lot because everyone's usually really riled up anyway.

Note to self: make sure next press conference starts with a few strategically staged explosions.


Okay, maybe I was getting a little cocky hiding behind my stage attitude, but it was working for me.

At least it was until the lights went out.

Welcome back to reality, Nickolas Carter.

I've always hated the dark. Always. Scary things lurk where you can't see them. You can't see them until suddenly they're right there ready for the kill. You don't even know what form the evil will take until it's on you. And having an overactive imagination makes it all that much worse because when you hear a noise instead of thinking things like "oh, hey, there's my hamster running in it's squeaky little wheel thing again" you think of stuff like "oh, hey, there's a squeaky evil beastie thing attacking my hamster." I'm not saying the thoughts are rational, I'm just saying how it is, you know?

Why I chose these clips:

I'm not entirely sure why this scene stands out to me. Part of it, I think, is that while it's a serious scene and Nick's suffering from PTSD and is generally freaked out, he never loses his "character" of being kind of goofy. It also provided what I thout was essential to what could have otherwise been an incredibly over-angsty fic--the comic relief. From watching interviews with the guys around that time, I always was struck by some of the things that would pop out of Nick's mouth (lol) and just kind of imagined what it would probably be like to know what was actually going through his head.

The other excerpt I have is way too long, but it's seriously probably my favorite scene from any fic I've written and I just couldn't cut it down. lol.


Besides, a nice long hot shower sounded really nice.

And it was. At least it was right up until I remembered that the door had swollen during my quick shower the afternoon before.

I bolted from the shower and lunged for the door. To my horror it was completely stuck. It wouldn't budge even a little. I pulled at it for several minutes, trying to get the door open, but it wasn't making any bit of difference. It was just as stuck as it had been when I'd first gotten out of the shower. Of course, it probably didn't help that the hot water was still running and filling the room with still more steam.

The damage was already done, but I dove for the knobs and tried to shut the water off. Except the knob for the hot water came off in my hand.

Damn! I tried to snap it back into place, but the pin had actually broken off. I hadn't even pulled it that hard! I had to find a way to shut off the water. And quick. I didn't have my watch on as I'd left it out in the other room, but by my estimation I had only about an hour to get to my interview at the comic shop.

I had to think. Just a little problem solving. What do I do when I have a problem that needs solving? I stop and think what anyone with half-a-brain would think. What would Willow do? She was always good at coming up with ingenious plans with limited resources. Okay, the trick would be to think like Willow.

I quickly scoured the room for something that could help me. Soap. Two towels. Complementary packets of shampoo and conditioner. Little plastic drinking cups. Nothing!

I tried to grab the pin to turn it using my bare hands, but it was too hot and I couldn't get a grasp. I grabbed the towel off the rack and wrapped my hand so that maybe could get a hold if I could use the towel to absorb the heat. Unfortunately it was no good. When I was able to get the towel thick enough to absorb the heat, it became too thick to get a hold of the small pin.

I stared at the pin, hoping that it would somehow give me another idea. There was a very slight notch in the side of the pin. Maybe there was something that I could wedge into the notch and use as kind of a lever or something to turn the pin and shut the water off. But what could I possibly use?

I stepped back and looked around again. It was getting really hot in the room. It didn't help that the lights were those high-wattage ones that let off a lot of heat. And the switch was on the other side of the door. I threw the wet towel into the tub and grabbed the dry one. Using that, I unscrewed the bulbs. It didn't help with the steam, but at least it wasn't quite as hot. One small problem solved. Two major problems to go.

I pulled open the drawer in hopes that someone may have left behind something useful. Fingernail clippers! I snatched them up and hurried back over to the shower. I snapped the fingernail file arm out of the clippers and slid it into the notch. It fit snugly. I was really getting somewhere! Now all I had to do was turn it…

I screamed in frustration as the fingernail file bent. It was too weak to budge the pin. Damn it! Wait. There was merit in screaming. "HEEEEELLLLLPPP P!" I screamed, hoping that the walls of the hotel were thin enough that someone would be able to hear me. I began pounding on the walls and on the door and bellowing.

Unfortunately, it seemed that someone had spared no expense in the hotel walls. I spent a good twenty minutes screaming myself silly before I finally accepted that either no one could hear me or no one was willing to help me. And I'd pre-paid for an entire month's rent. At which point the woman had indicated that if I requested maid service I should call the front desk. There was absolutely no one who would come looking for me. Maybe Jim-Bob or Billy-Joe, but somehow I suspected that they would probably just assume that I'd found a way to get out of town or something.

I still had half an hour to get out and still make it to my interview. It wasn't a total write off…yet.

There had to be something I could do! If I could find something to use to pry the door open…obviously the fingernail file would be way too weak. I glanced around the room again. The towel rack. Metal. I grabbed hold of the rack and pulled as hard as I could, yanking it off the wall. HAH! Take that!

Okay, so now I had a broken towel rack.

Okay, I had a broken towel rack, a wet towel, a dry towel, soap, shampoo…wait a moment. It was a long shot, but it was worth a try. I slid the metal bar out of the brackets of the towel rack. Then I just needed to flatten the end of it somehow. I tested the strength of it. It didn't feel like it would be too hard to bend. I needed something to help me do so I looked around the small bathroom again. Perfect!

I held the bar upright with the tip at the edge of the open drawer. Okay, one…two…SLAM! The end of the bar crumpled. HA! Now I had a pry bar!

I tried to wedge the pry bar between the frame and the door. I just wasn't going to happen. There was absolutely no leeway. And trying was only bending the tip of the bar.

I flattened it in the drawer again. Maybe I could use it to pop the pins out of the hinges and just take the door off.

After about fifteen minutes attempting to do that I realized that it was futile. On closer inspection I noticed that the bolts were actually welded to the door. Apparently the hotel didn't want anyone stealing their doors.

There had to be a way out and I needed to find it soon. I was still roasting even with the lights out. Maybe I'd luck out and the hotel would run out of hot water. It had been running full blast for over forty minutes. Of course I could imagine that it being a hotel, they'd have to have a pretty big reserve. Please let the reserve run out soon! Of course even then I'd still have to wait for the swelling to go down before I'd be able to budge the door. At this rate there was absolutely no way I would get to the interview on time even if I were able to just walk out of the bathroom. Damn it! Maybe they wouldn't be mad if I were only a couple minutes late. There had to be a way to get the door to open!

My mind began racing again. There had to be something I hadn't thought of yet. I've had to get out of tight spots before…That was it! Once when we were little I'd gotten my head stuck between two rungs of the Rosenberg's staircase. They'd used soap to make the banister rungs slick. Okay, so maybe I could make the door a little bit slick. Except there was no way to get at it at all with soap.

I grabbed the packet of shampoo. Perfect. I ripped open the packet and began pouring the contents down the edge of the door and watched as it rolled down, collecting in a puddle on the floor.

I slid to the ground, laughing and not really knowing why. I should be crying and tearing my hair out.

I could imagine the headline already: Naked Man Wrecks Hotel Bathroom, Starves to Death.

Why I love this scene: Okay, my goal for this scene was to do somewhat of a parody of MacGuyver. LOL. I also love it because I took a very silly premise (being trapped in a bathroom) and wrote it into this major "angst" scene (yes it's supposed to be funny, but I thought part of the humor here was that it was so seemingly traumatic and it's a scene that seems like it's trying to take itself way too seriously lol). Overall this whole fic ("Well Maybe One Power (http://www.absolutechaos.net/viewstory.php?sid=1354)" is one of very few that I absolutely love how it turned out...though apparently my readers disagreed, I got almost no feedback, so I suspect it's not as good as I thought, but...I still love it and am proud of it.)
Title: Re: Favorite excerpt(s) you've written?
Post by: shrinkingviolet on December 29, 2006, 09:47:10 AM
Wow, everyone else's excerpts are so good, I really need to go do some major reading... But that will have to wait until this head cold has cleared. But here are a couple of my favorite excerpts... Keep in mind that these were chosen when the chooser was under the effects of sinus meds and two sick children, so... Yeah

This is from the Prologue of Drowning Yourself, which is an AJ-centric fic that I'm blocked on *sporks writer's block*. It's one of my favorites because it's the closest I've ever written to my own experiences. Also I feel that sometimes he still has that temptation. (has some strong language)

The door clicked shut behind her and he fell to his knees, burying his face in his hands.

He couldn't understand the pain. Why was it so fucking hard? He hadn't imagined that even now, over two years later, it would still be so hard to keep from giving in. Every day was a struggle. He could feel himself being pulled in so many different directions, despite the promises from management that it wouldn't happen. Appearances, shows, signings, meet and greets. He loved it all. It was part of who he was. But sometimes he just wanted to crawl in the bed and pull the covers over him and sleep until it was all over.

This is from the first chapter of Your Biggest Fan, which I really love to write on but, alas, I'm currently blocked on that as well. I just love this part because not many fics (in my opinion) show Nick as an egotistical jerk, and it is so fun to write him this way. (it's a tad long, sorry and it has some strong language)

Simplicity was not in Nick Carter's vocabulary. It never had been; at least, not since coming into fame and fortune. Fast cars, expensive clothing, elaborate houses. Women as well. The faster, more expensive and elaborate the better, in his opinion. What was the point of being world famous and rich if he settled for someone beneath him? That was the question he posed to his band mate and friend, AJ McLean, as they relaxed after a filling meal in Los Angeles' most exclusive restaurant. Nick was slowly sipping his imported beer--the best on the market--eyeing his friend over the rim of his glass. His friend returned his level gaze, reaching for his coffee.

Nick was rather proud of the older man for succeeding where he had failed. Not once since his relapse more than three years before had he even mentioned wanting a drink. And, despite his numerous promises and assurances to friends, Nick himself was rarely without alcohol. He was certain that, if he truly wanted to and had the reasons AJ had, he could quit.

AJ pondered Nick's question as he finished his coffee. Surely the man wasn't that superficial. Yeah, right, he thought, rolling his eyes when Nick motioned for the waiter to bring more beer. His friend had surely never been accused of settling.

"Is it settling if you're in love?" he asked after a moment. The haughtily raised eyebrow in response was all he needed. The stupid motherfucker didn't believe in love?

"Love," Nick snorted derisively, shaking a cigarette from the pack on the table. "That's just something some ugly women came up with. Pity the poor fuckers who fall for that." Resting his elbows on the table, he shrugged as he lit the cigarette with a hefty silver lighter. "All women are good for is a good fuck. If you gotta say a few words or buy some useless shit to get the pants off and the legs spread, why not?"

Title: Re: Favorite excerpt(s) you've written?
Post by: Nijntje on December 29, 2006, 12:48:35 PM
I'm scared to now that I've read these excerpts.. They are SO amazingly well written!!
Title: Re: Favorite excerpt(s) you've written?
Post by: Chaos on December 29, 2006, 01:35:55 PM
I'm scared to now that I've read these excerpts.. They are SO amazingly well written!!

Awww! Thanks (I'm sure from all of us who've posted ;) ) Don't be scared to post your own though; I'm sure they're great!
Title: Re: Favorite excerpt(s) you've written?
Post by: honey on December 29, 2006, 02:57:46 PM
Ok wow geez. I had no idea how hard it would be to pick!!!! Well the first one is from "Not You Average Cinderella Story". That title is purely a place holder until I come up with the real one. This is my most recent venture and my first attempt at first person. It's also a lot darker than anything I've ever written before. I was nervous about it at first but I have been pleasantly surprised with the outcome.

sorry, the language in this one is terrible but I've sorta bleeped it for you...
Hours later I was sitting in a hard plastic chair in a waiting room and my ass was starting to go numb. I couldn’t figure out what the hell was taking so long. My mom was pretty banged up but she wasn’t dying, at least I hope not. I don’t know, maybe it felt like longer than it was. I was there all by myself with nothing but my thoughts to entertain me and God knows there were plenty of them.

As always I blamed myself for what happened to my mom. Funny how that always works. Dad beats the s*** out of mom. I defend her and get pretty banged up in the process. Then dad nearly kills her and somehow it’s all my fault. I bet a shrink would have a field day with that logic.

I should have known though. I should have known that daddy wouldn’t spend more than one night in jail. He never does. And I sure as s*** should have known that he would be angry. I should have been there last night. Of coarse the man was going to beat her up when he couldn’t find me, that’s what he does. And Mom’s f****** helpless.

I felt like s***. Guilty as f***, because where the hell was I while mom was being raped and beaten to the near end of her life? I was getting piss drunk and sleeping with an ass-grabbing rich boy, cursing the very woman I was now praying would be all right. I really hate that I’m so f****** stupid sometimes. Runs in the family I guess.

When I just couldn’t sit anymore I wandered down to the cafeteria to find some coffee. Cream, but no sugar, just in case you’re wondering. I’m not really a big fan of anything sweet. Like Howie. He seemed like the sweetest man I’ve ever met. That’s probably why I ended up leaving him by the elevator and sleeping with Nick instead. He didn’t seem nearly as sweet. What the hell is wrong with me? Now I’m comparing Howie to coffee?

I have issues. Chuck was right, I have a weird thing for city boys. I’ve been a f****** mess ever since they showed up. In fact I’m thinking about them so much it’s like I am actually hearing their voices now. “Cindy? Is that you? What are you doing here?”

You know, the scary thing is, that I actually answered him before I knew he was really behind me. “I was actually thinking about taking a trip up to the psyche ward, and you?” I said rather sarcastically thinking I was really losing mind.

“Um, visiting my mom actually. Are you all right?”

I laughed a little to myself when I turned around and saw Brian staring at me as if I were losing it. Hell, maybe I was. “Yeah, I just, it’s been a long day.”

“Care to join me? I’ve had a long day myself.”

How could I resist such a smile? Brian and I began wandering the halls of the hospital until we found an empty sofa. Yeah, a chair with actual cushions! “So is your mom ok?” I asked hoping to keep the subject off of me as long as possible.

The second one is from "Welcom To My Heart". I don't know that the writing itself is all that special (probably none of my writing is) but I am really proud of the story. It seems to be my most popular one as well. It was hard to pick any one spot from it. I finally chose this one because I thought it might help all you non-romance readers see that there can still be many different sides to a romance. ;D

in the scene they're talking about Kelly's first major run-in with the paparazzi.

Kelly woke up when the flight attendants came around with lunch. Her stomach churned and although she hadn’t eaten a thing all day she still just picked at her plate uninterested. “I know its airplane food,” Brian whispered, “But don’t you think you should try and eat something?”
Kelly wrinkled her nose. “I can’t eat when I’m really stressed. She replied.
“Why are you so stressed?”  AJ asked butting into the conversation. “The worst of its over.”
“For now.” Kelly said, “But what about tomorrow? And the day after, and every day after that?”
“It won’t be so bad.” Nick encouraged.
“Yeah! And he should know!” AJ laughed receiving the middle finger from Nick.
“Maybe now is a good time to figure out what we want to tell people.” Brian suggested.
“What is there to say?” Kelly asked.
“Well for starters do we actually want to say that you’re my girlfriend?”
Kelly held up the magazine, “I think they’ve figured that one out already.” she said sarcastically.
“Ok then, what do we tell them about your husband?”
Kelly looked up surprised by the question. “Nothing.” She replied harshly, “I don’t see why anyone needs to know my life story. I don’t want my husband’s memory smeared all over the tabloids.”
Brian, Nick and AJ were all surprised at how quickly Kelly’s mood changed. This was obviously going to be a touchy subject for her, and with just cause, but unfortunately it was a subject that couldn’t be ignored and the guys knew it. They looked at each other and Brian knew he had to be the one to say it. “I know it’s hard, but we’re going to have to say something about it.” He said delicately.
“Why?” Kelly said still sounding defensive.
“Because of the kids.”
Kelly looked at Brian confused. He didn’t know how else to put it so AJ came to his rescue. “When people realize you have kids they will wonder who and where the father is. It’s best just to explain it up front rather than let them speculate.”
“Not to mention you still wear that rock.” Nick said a little more casually referring to Kelly’s wedding ring.
Kelly’s hostility turned into sadness as she realized that they had a point. She began to mindlessly twist the ring on her finger as she drifted off into memories. Brian and AJ glared at Nick thinking that he’d upset Kelly but she just sighed and forced a smile. “You’re right. Maybe it’s time to take it off.” She said sadly and slipped the ring off her finger.
The guys watched her curiously while she studied her bare hand. A single tear fell down her cheek as she placed the ring safely in her purse. She took a deep breath and rubbed her hands together as if they were in pain. She looked up at her friends for support and immediately she had the arms of three of her closest friends wrapped around her. “We made a Kelly sandwich.” Nick said childishly.
The boys all giggled and then squeezed even tighter. When they let go Kelly smiled a thank you. “Are you sure you’re ok with that?” Brian asked
Kelly sighed again. “I’ve been meaning to for a while now I just never had the strength to do it.” She grabbed Brian’s hand and smiled shyly, “But if I really am going to do this then I need to do it all the way. It’s time to put the past behind me and let the future have a chance.”
Kelly smiled nervously and Brian gave her a reassuring kiss that she was making the right decision. “This will all work out.” He said.
Kelly took one last calming breath and blushed as her friends stared at her. AJ smiled sweetly at her and said, “How did Brian get so lucky?”
Brian smiled proudly but Kelly only blushed more. “Really.” AJ continued, “You two almost make me want to find a woman and settle down.”
Nick shuddered, “Not me.” He joked, “You guys make me sick.”
Kelly finally laughed and smiled playfully at AJ as she said, “We’ll have to find someone for you next then.”
“I got dibbs on her sister.” Nick said.
AJ’s face perked up. “You have a sister?”
Kelly laughed, “Two of them actually.”
“I get the younger one. She’s so hot!” Nick said again.
“You get no such thing mister!” Kelly replied making Nick frown. “We’ve been through this before. No way am I letting you anywhere near my sister. I know you too well and she’s too sweet a girl.”

Well there you have it... (holds breath nervously) I know it's not exactly the whole story but I'd still be curious to hear what ya'll think...
Title: Re: Favorite excerpt(s) you've written?
Post by: Nijntje on December 29, 2006, 03:59:22 PM
Awww! Thanks (I'm sure from all of us who've posted ;) ) Don't be scared to post your own though; I'm sure they're great!

Aww thanks!! Alright, here goes nothing..
The first one is from a short story in progress, called "Letter to God". I like this one cause the beginning was so easy to write, it just seemed to write itself!

He had been sitting there for at least twenty minutes, just staring at the sky, trying not to think. Every attempt failed miserably, simply because trying not to think involves thinking itself. He looked down at the fresh scars on his hands. While he slowly shook his head, he let out a long breath he had apparently been holding for a few seconds. He had a reason for not wanting to pay attention to whatever thoughts were running through his mind. They were painful these days. Sometimes, they were so painful that he slammed his fists into a wall or two. Even up to the point that his hands were bleeding. It didn’t hurt though. It never did. Simply because the hurt on the inside was far worse than the physical hurt he inflicted on himself.

This one is from "Prevailing Fate", the collaboration story. I like this part because it shows what has sometimes happened to me. When I meet people from the UK (in the store I work for example) they think I don't understand a WORD they say.. In this excerpt, the old man has the courage to say what I have wanted to say quite a few times! (even though I'm not old  ;D)

A few minutes later they saw the enormous white complex in front of them.  “Ah, here we are. Erasmus Medical Center. Thanks to the Miss at the bus stop that is. Not thanks to old Kevy.” A.J. grinned. “Now we gotta find where we should be in 10 minutes..”
As soon as they parked the car, Brian got out and asked an old lady for directions. “Miss, can you tell us where the main entrance is?”
“Ik versta je niet schat..” she replied as she walked out of the parking lot.
“Sorry to bother you.” Brian smiled as he turned around to face A.J. who was laughing at him. “Nice try, Rok.. Don’t think the old people here understand English, especially when it comes with your accent..”

“Quick to judge, are you?” someone said from behind the five men, which startled them as they turned around to see a man in his fifties who was obviously enjoying the sight of a embarrassed A.J. whose cheeks were flushing with red. “Not all ‘old’ Dutch people are stupid when it comes to understanding foreign languages. So, the main entrance. You see those stairs over there? Go up, walk straight ahead and you’ll see a sign saying ‘Hoofdingang’. Enter through there and go to the reception desk if you have an appointment. Have a nice day gentlemen.” The man smiled. “And be careful, most Dutch people understand English, even if it’s a little bit.”
“T-thanks sir.” A.J. stuttered, feeling stupid for his comment. Brian hit him over the head. “Now who’s stupid?” the Kentuckian chuckled.
“Yeah yeah, let’s get going before-”
“You say something stupid again. Yeah, let’s get going.” Kevin laughed.

This one is also from "Prevailing Fate" and I'm so proud of this one, cause to me it seems to be the one part in which I succeeded in showing how much Brian is struggling with Nick's disease and the course all of their lives has taken..

As he leaned on the sink and looked at himself, he realized his eyes didn’t sparkle like they used to. When things were normal, they always were, as did Nick’s whose eyes stopped sparkling months ago. And even though Nick was the one who was fighting the biggest battle right now, Brian was fighting his own. He was struggling to keep his faith steady, trying to believe that his best friend would make it, but on the other hand his mind was trying to tell him that maybe it was time to accept the fact that maybe he wouldn’t. That maybe the time had come to slowly start thinking of saying farewell, instead of ‘I’ll call you’.

“It can’t be..”, he whispered. “I cannot say goodbye to him.. I can’t..”
As tears welled up in his eyes, he closed them and tried to think back to some of the good times they shared, the beautiful memories they made. They brought a smile onto his features, but at the same time, tears started to fall. This mixture of feelings was something he hadn’t gotten used to, even though he experienced it frequently.

All kinds of memories flashed before him. He saw the two of them playing basketball, followed by Nick throwing up because of the chemo. The two of them goofing around on stage, followed by one of Nick’s tantrums of the last six months, caused by feelings of hopelessness and frustration. Happy memory, sad memory, happy, sad, happy, sad, sad, sad. The last few memories during these moments of reminiscing, would always be sad ones, even though Brian desperately tried to push those to the back of his mind. The harder he tried, the more of them rose to the surface. Eventually he stopped trying and let those memories flash before him as he walked back into his room and sat down on the bed, hugging his knees as he cried for the loss of his best friend, even though he was in the room next to his.

The Nick he knew, was no longer there. How could he be after all he had been through already? This whole ordeal had changed him, or them for that matter, forever and it scared Brian. Even if he did make it, if this doctor had a cure for him, would they ever be able to rebuild what they once had? And if not, could they accept that and start things over? Or would he lose him eventually, not to cancer or A.J., but to a new best friend outside of the group, because they couldn’t cope with the things that happened? Would they fall apart, because of what they had been through together? Before, Brian would have said ‘no’, but now with all that had happened, he wasn’t so sure..

And this one is from "Memories", my own story. But as I was re-reading it, I decided that I have to do a LOT of re-writing, cause it definitely SUCKS as it is right now!! I choose this excerpt cause it made my readers go like "WHAT? What did he do?!" and that is exactly what I wanted to accomplish!

Kevin opened his eyes and turned his head to look at the alarm clock that was sitting on his bedstand, showing the time in red bright numbers. Why did he ever buy one of those? It just annoyed him by remembering him of the fact that it was time to take action. Kevin closed his eyes and tried to ignore the fact that it was around 10am, because being aware of the time meant that he had to get up and call her. He knew he had to, but he wasn’t looking forward to it. For some reason, he opened his eyes again and just kept staring at the stupid alarm clock. And as the minutes passed, he began to feel more and more depressed. So yes, he would call her and finally hear her sweet voice again, but what could he say? He couldn’t tell her everything, not why he ran off on her and not why he told Brian he no longer cared. He surely couldn’t tell her that he loved her, wanted to be with her more than anything, share his days and nights with her, and even if he would ever dare to say all of those things, she would not believe him because of all the things he had said and done. To her, none of this mess would make sense. Hell, it hardly even made sense to him anymore.

Kevin sighed and ran his fingers through his hair, thinking of what he would say to her. He knew he had to explain things somehow, but he had no idea of what to say to her to do so. He had two things planned though.
He had to apologize to her, for running off and not returning her phone calls, and he had to make it clear that none of this was her fault. Well, it was, but it was not as if she had actually done anything or something. And besides, there wouldn’t even be a problem if he hadn’t killed Stacey.
Stacey.. the one person he didn’t want to think about right now. But he did, and it was the same as always. The moment he thought of her, he could not get her out of his thoughts easily. He loved her more than life itself when they got married, he still did in some ways, but Wendy somehow managed to move into his heart as well.

Stacey.. Wendy.. Wendy.. Stacey..
They were completely different women. Stacey had long, dark, curly hair all the way down to her back and eyes as brown as autumn leaves with a hint of red. Those eyes could see right through him, see his weaknesses when no one else was able to, not even the guys. She always held him when he cried for the loss of his father. She never thought of him as weak when he cried, even though he felt weak at times for doing so. She could not make the pain go away, but she softened it, so that it was bearable. Meeting her was destined, marrying her inevitable, loving her indescribable. Being loved by her felt like being in heaven, like he could fly without wings. She made him feel like he was the most important person on earth to her, and he probably was. But then he lost his temper, and she ended up dead. Dead.. He didn’t want to think about this, not again, not right now, so he tried to to lose the image of her on that operating table, no longer breathing, her hand already cold as he held it in his.
Dead.. all because of him losing his temper.

I would love some feedback on these excerpts by the way! Through pm or in this or another thread.. Owh and I figured that I could post four, just cause I say so!  :P
Title: Re: Favorite excerpt(s) you've written?
Post by: DragonStar on December 29, 2006, 06:22:29 PM
Hmm... I'll have to look through my stories to find one I'd like to post...

I have a story in mind that I could post a bit from, but I haven't put it up anywhere yet, and I don't wanna spoil it... Not that anything I post from any of my other stories wouldn't be a spoiler lol.

*shrugs* I'll find something.
Title: Re: Favorite excerpt(s) you've written?
Post by: MellzBellz on January 02, 2007, 11:40:42 PM
Wow... Laura leave it to you to come up with a topic like this... LOL

Hmm... Well in all honesty when it comes to Sexcapades (which I cowrite w/ Laura) I'm not sure if there's anything I'VE written that I'm really proud of yet. I'll admit I think it's been a lil more of a struggle for me to capture "asshole Nick" but I've been really making a lot of progress with it. It's so different from Under my Skin, so it's a stretch for me, but I'm happy so far. I guess if I had to pick I'd go with the scene where Chastity accidentally knocks a bowl of hot soup on his lap. I can't take FULL credit though because even though I wrote the original scene, Laura threw in a few lines in between. I apologize for the language.

I take a sip of my soup, which really isn’t all that bad at all. In fact, it’s pretty good. Across the table, Chastity’s daintily picking at her salad. Whenever she bends over to nibble a few leaves, I notice that her top slides down a little, exposing more and more cleavage each time.

Then it hits me: an idea. Seriously, a fucking light bulb turns on in my head. You know it’s good then. “How’s the salad?”

“It’s great. How’s the soup?”

A crooked grin grows on my face. Just look at how easily she’s falling into my hands. “It’s out of this world. You should really try some of it.” I nudge my bowl a half-inch in her direction. That’s right - half an inch and not a hair more. Pay attention, ‘cause I guarantee you this trick is indispensable.

Chastity seems doubtful. “I don’t know… I’m not much of a soup person.”

I try for the playful approach. “Come on, you know you want to. It’s really good.”

She sighs. “Okay, fine.” Hopefully it’ll be this much of a snap getting her into bed. She leans over the table to sample my soup, and as expected, I’m rewarded with a bountiful view of her breasts spilling over the top of her tank top. Looks like Chastity just might be sporting a nice rack there herself. Of course, nowhere near as big as Jessica, but at least they’re real. She better not be wearing a Wonder bra, though. Or worse… tissues. Oh, hell, if I see a Kleenex pop out of her shirt, the bet’s off. I’m not dating another girl with ugly ass mosquito bite tits.

(Yes, I clearly stated “another.” As in I’ve already dated a chick by that description. As in… fuck, if you don’t know who I’m referring to by now, go watch the sex tape yourself. Hell, just watch any of her videos. Her boobs are bound to make their appearance at some point. And then scour your eyes with acid.)

However, I’m so engrossed in a thorough analysis of her cleavage that I forget rule number one when it comes to Chastity: never underestimate the power of her clumsiness. Oh, sure, everything seems to be going great… until she fucking loses her balance and her chest nails the table (ouch, that’s gotta hurt!) Naturally, her arms go flying, and… oh, shit. Oh. Shit. Not the soup! And just guess where it ends up.

Yep. The entire bowl of hot soup - HOT SOUP! - lands right in my lap. By some small miracle, most of it manages to get on my thigh. A few more inches to the left, and, well, let’s just say that I wouldn’t have to worry about this stupid bet anymore because I’d probably never be able to have sex again (which arm is it that hurts when you’re about to have a heart attack?).

Chastity leaps up from the table, her face bright red as she squeals, “Oh, my God! I’m so sorry, Nick! Here, let me help you.” Before I can protest, she dashes to my side of the table, rubbing her napkin right against my thigh in an attempt to mop up the mess.

I’m not sure whether to be pissed, mortified, or have a fucking boner. Is it wrong to be turned on by this? I know the circumstances are pretty fucked up, but she’s scrubbing pretty hard. For a second, I wonder if she's doing this on purpose, but then I remember this is Chastity we’re talking about. Still, I wonder how far she’ll take it? Maybe I should put her to test…

“I think you missed a spot a little to the left.” I nudge her in the right direction, and just as I hoped, she’s too frazzled over spilling the soup in the first place to realize where her hand is. Maybe I underestimated her. She probably gives great hand jobs.

She’s still rubbing when the lines slowly crease in her forehead. “Wow, Nick. You sure keep a lot of stuff in your pockets.”

“I don’t have anything in my pockets, baby.” I can’t help but smirk once she suddenly realizes what she’s doing and removes her hand faster than I can blink. Well, at least we know that “Li’l Nicky” is still functional. Though we better perform a few more tests later to make sure. Purely for scientific purposes, of course.

As far as Under my Skin goes its SOOOO hard for me to pick a favorite part. I am very proud of it all and there are SO many parts I love. I'm so proud of my sex scene cuz it took me forever to write and I think it came out perfect. I also love the part where the two girls gang up on Alyssa in the bathroom, but I guess I'd ultimately go with a more serious part. I'm going to post the flashback scene from where Nick breaks off the engagement with Alyssa. Again I apologize for language and its a lil long.

"I knew you'd find me here," he grumbled.

   Alyssa sat down beside him, put her arm around his shoulders and planted a kiss on his cheek. "Do you want to talk about whatever is bothering you?"

   "Not really," he dully answered as he continued to stare out at the ocean.

   "You seemed pretty upset this morning. Whatever that phone call was about it obviously had some kind of effect on you. It might make you feel better to get it out," she tried again.

   Nick just shrugged. "I don't think talking about it is going to make the situation any better. It's certainly not going to change anything."

   "No it's not," she agreed. "But it helps to vent sometimes."

   "You wouldn't be able to understand," he insisted. "No offense."

   "I can try. So please, tell me what's bothering you? Who was the call from?"

   Nick sighed as he ran a hand through his hair. "It was from my Mom."

   Just that explanation alone was almost enough for Alyssa. Whenever Jane Carter called Nick, there was usually some sort of resulting argument between the two. "What did she have to say this time?"

   Nick took in a deep breath. "She and my Dad... They've been going through some rough times and they're getting a divorce," he explained as his voice cracked slightly on the word divorce.

   "Oh Nick... I'm so sorry," she responded as she took him into her arms and wrapped him in a tight hug as she rubbed his back. "I can just imagine how I would feel if my parents told me that they were getting a divorce."
   "Your parents would never get a divorce period," he coldly replied.

   He was right. Alyssa's parents fought and her mother would constantly say that she wanted a divorce, but Alyssa knew that deep down that they would never actually go through with it. Her father didn't believe in divorce. He was a firm believer that marriage was a permanent commitment. "I can still only imagine what you are going through," she told him in a slightly hurt voice.

   "Can you?" he asked cynically. "Can you really imagine what it's like to discover that your parents, who you have known your entire life, and have been married for years, all of a sudden don't love each other anymore? And what does that say to you about love and marriage in general? You think you're happy and in love and maybe that feeling lasts a number of years, but then eventually it just disappears? Maybe there really isn't any such thing as love. Maybe it's just some illusion created by society to justify your attraction towards another person."

   "Don't say that Nick!" Alyssa protested. "There are lots of couples out there that stay together for their whole lives. And about what you say about love, it does exist. I know because I love you. I honestly and truly do. I don't think love is a lie. Your parents... Maybe they just decided to give up to soon, but that doesn't mean that we're going to end up the same way."

   Nick just shrugged. "Look at the statistics. More than half of all marriages today end in divorce. Why bother going through the trouble of getting married anymore with those kind of odds?"

   Alyssa's eyes narrowed with fear. "What are you trying to say Nick?"

   "I don't know what I'm trying to say!" he cried in frustration. I don't know anything anymore." As he slid his sunglasses off of his eyes Alyssa noticed for the first time that his eyes looked puffy as if he had been crying and it nearly broke her heart in two. Then he uttered those words that changed her life. "I don't think I want to get married anymore."

   "What?!" she responded. "Nick, just because you're confused and worried doesn't mean that you have to throw away our engagement. There's no reason to doubt us! We've been through so much more worse things together and yet we've still managed to survive. If that's not love then I don't know what is!"

   "Alyssa," he said softly as he took her hand. "I'm not ready for marriage. There's too much in my life right now that I need to sort out before I can make that kind of commitment. I guess I just didn't realize that until now and I know its pretty shitty of me-"

   "Damn right it is!" she answered, unable to conceal her anger. She knew deep down that she was only making matters worse by getting angry, but she couldn't seem to control her emotions as tears of frustration burned her eyelids. Things were finally going right with them and now this!

   "Try to understand," he told her. "I know its hard because I can barely understand it myself, but if we were to get married now it wouldn't last."

   "How can you say that?" she asked, not bothering to hide the tears that now freely fell down her cheeks. "You're not even giving us a chance!"

   "I don't need to. I've already had one marriage and I'm not even 23 yet. I'm not ready for another one. I thought I was, but I'm not," he confessed.

   "That was different," Alyssa argued. "It was a marriage of convenience. You didn't love her."

   Nick sighed again. "I'm not marriage material. I need to be free right now. My solo album is coming out, I'm young, and I need to be selfish and enjoy myself now while I still can. I can't do that married."

   "Are you trying to tell me that you want to see other people too?" she questioned as she swallowed back her tears.

   "I guess so," he reluctantly replied. "Maybe its for the best."

   "I don't want to see anyone else. I love you Nick. I want to spend the rest of my life with you," she insisted, giving it one last try.

   "If you really loved me you'd respect my decision," he told her. It was a dirty card to play, but the easiest way out that he could manage.

   "I can't believe that you're breaking up our engagement just so that you can fuck other girls,"  Alyssa said in disbelief as she backed away from him.

   "Come on Alyssa. I didn't say that," Nick answered as he gazed up at her.

   "The intent was definitely there," she defiantly told him as she stood up. She looked down upon her hand at the Tiffany & Co. engagement ring that Nick had given her on the last night of the Black and Blue tour. It really had been the engagement ring of her dreams. Now there was no way that she could stand to keep it as a reminder of what could've been. With a trembling breath, she slipped it off her finger and handed it back to Nick. "I guess I won't be needing this anymore."

   Nick smirked as he accepted the ring. "This is the second engagement ring that you're returning to me."

   "Well, then maybe you should think a little more carefully before you give them out," she tensely replied.

   "Keep it," he insisted as he handed it back to her. "What am I going to do with it?"

   "I don't want it either Nick. I think a broken heart is enough of a souvenir from this relationship."

   Nick's face flashed with hurt from her comment. He looked back down upon the ring and without another moments hesitation he flung it out into the ocean.

   That one simple gesture was the biggest fuck you that Alyssa had ever received.
Title: Re: Favorite excerpt(s) you've written?
Post by: Purpura Lipstick on January 02, 2007, 11:42:14 PM
I like the scene I just wrote for Messing with Magic, but if you want to know it then you'll have to read it.  :p

I'm too lazy to post it here too :p
Title: Re: Favorite excerpt(s) you've written?
Post by: nicksgal on January 02, 2007, 11:45:51 PM
I guess if I had to pick I'd go with the scene where Chastity accidentally knocks a bowl of hot soup on his lap.

Oh the soup scene... Hahahahahahaha! :D
Title: Re: Favorite excerpt(s) you've written?
Post by: MellzBellz on January 03, 2007, 12:25:50 AM
Oh the soup scene... Hahahahahahaha! :D

Ya the soup scene! I dunno I just thought it was REALLY funny and easy to picture.
Title: Re: Favorite excerpt(s) you've written?
Post by: nicksgal on January 03, 2007, 12:29:37 AM
Ya the soup scene! I dunno I just thought it was REALLY funny and easy to picture.

Yeah, pretty vividly, because I did it once. :-[
Title: Re: Favorite excerpt(s) you've written?
Post by: mers on January 07, 2007, 12:46:45 AM
I have to say most of the fics that are mentioned here are the ones I have never read before but I read the excerpts and I am so proud to see SO many well-written BSB fics in this board. I might not read them for the simple reason that it's a genre i dont read, but i enjoyed the scenes that i have from here. Keep writing awesome fics guys and thanks for letting me take a peek to your fics :D