Brian And Nick's Twelve Days Of Christmas by mamogirl
Story Notes:
I know that Christmas is already over but inspiration doesn't have a calendar so... :D
Plus, it's so packed with fluff that I couldn't not write it.
1st Day: It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas by mamogirl


1st Day: It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas

























Quietly and silently, Brian slipped inside the house, thanking the fact that Nick usually forgot to lock the doors of his house. It had been years since he first set foot in that kitchen, circumstances and distance had always worked against them and the only times they met or stayed together were when they were recording or during tours.

A sigh of nostalgia and melancholy escaped his lips, melting within the air and then disappearing outside the window. He missed his friendship with Nick. He missed their relationship, those times when they could spend hours and hours together without even noticing that time was passing by. But that was the whole point of that project, wasn’t it? Brian wanted his best friend back, he wanted to show him that life and Christmas could be something special no matter how old he was or how many blows he had to endure in the past; he wanted to show him that, no matter what had come between them and how far they had travelled, Brian was going to be always there for him. To care. And to love him, even if it would be only as a friend.

Although Brian hoped for something more. Although a part of him, a part of his soul, kinda believed and held on to those words Aj had said to him when he had revealed him his project and the reason behind it, about how everyone already knew that Nick felt something for him, something much more different and deeper than simple and plain friendship. It had taken him years and years for Brian to finally accept that part of himself, that heart and soul that had waited and longed for someone he had never thought he could love; for so long he had tried to run away, tried to hide and hated himself because that love was something that went against everything he had been told and taught since he was a child. For so long he had tried to stay away, putting miles and miles between the other half of himself, that missing part that would had made him complete and much happier; for so long he had basically self destroying, to the point that now he had to build not only himself up once again but even a voice that had always been his pride and the base of his whole life.

No more, he had told himself after years of tears, frustration and being so weak that it had been a miracle he was still able to walk and stand tall. No more, he had promise himself because what good could bring trying to live up other’s expectation when the only thing that mattered was being happy? And Brian wanted that, wanted to finally be happy and made someone else’s for the rest of his life.

He wanted to love and make Nick’s happy.

No sound came from the upstairs and that wasn’t a surprise: in those rare moments when Nick didn’t have thousand and thousand of plans, he loved sleeping until it was humanly possible.

And that worked in favor of Brian’s project.

The first white envelope weighted on his hands. He wasn’t sure about where to put it. He needed a place where he knew Nick would look as first thing, otherwise it would defeat the purpose of writing a letter with a list of things to do during the day. And this one could turn out to be pretty challenge and long so Brian needed to be sure that he was going to read it as soon as he woke up.

Where? Where could he possible put it? Brian kept wondering while moving around the kitchen that looked as if no one had ever used it. And that was probably the truth, knowing how Nick and cooking were two complete opposites that were never going to meet. But the windows opened on the ocean and there was a used mug sitting alone on the arm of one chair so it wasn’t a completely far – fetched idea to leave the envelope next to the coffee machine.

There was another possibility: he could go upstairs and creep inside his room while Nick was sleeping, leaving the envelope on the bed and then just disappear into air. But that was a little bit too much, no matter how much Brian wanted that crazy and weird project to take off as smoothly as possible: creeping inside Nick’s bedroom was totally stalkerish, something that a psychopath girlfriend or fan would do and he wasn’t neither of those things.

And then, the perfect idea came running through the kitchen in the form of Nacho, Nick’s dog, its tail swirling happily from right to left while he searched for food. Nacho followed Nick everywhere, even in the bathroom when he was taking a bath, so there wasn’t any objection to send the dog upstairs with the envelope while he brought inside all the things for the first task.

“Hey Nacho. – Brian exclaimed, crunching down to his knees and patting gently the back of the dog’s ears. – Want me to help with something for your master?”

The dog seemed to understand his words, licking with its rough tongue the back of his wrist.

“Oh, I promise you’ll get a reward too. You just need to take this letter to Nick, can you do it? – Nacho’s tail started to wiggle even more, as if he couldn’t wait to complete his task and get his reward. – Good boy. Don’t wake him up, though. It’s a surprise.” Brian patted the dog’s head while putting the envelope in his mouth and watching him disappearing towards the bedroom.

Now that one thing, the most important thing, had been completed, he just needed to put out the last details. His plan, the project to make Nick fall in love with Christmas, had just begun.











***









Nick couldn’t say that it had been Nacho waking him up, licking his face with its tongue and then nuzzling his wet nose on his neck; he had been already lying in that particular and weird limbo between being conscious and still sleeping for a little while, though he couldn’t exact pinpoint what had brought him back from his dreams. He actually longed to go back to those because echoes and fragments still lingered in the back of his mind and they all rounded around sandy blond hair, which quite remembered the color of honey and sun, and eyes of the color of a summer sky so clear that you could almost reflect yourself inside it.

Yet, Nick couldn’t say what had woke him up. Something had happened, he might had heard a sudden and impossible rumor coming from downstairs but silence and tranquility were the only sound that his ears could and would pick up: birds were singing outside his window; the slight and faint echoes of the ocean rushing to the beach and then retiring back, taking with them inches of a love that had been doomed since the beginning. The air was filled of sun and sand, something that one couldn’t quite picture together with the upcoming winter and Christmas festivities. Usually. Not that morning. That morning there was something else in the air, an aroma that was quite familiar to Nick and, yet, he couldn’t quite identify it; perhaps he was still half asleep or, simply, there wasn’t anything strange and it was only a reminiscing of those dreams that he still wanted to reach and disappear within once again.

But Nacho was persistent, he kept nagging and nagging him like he always did when he brought back something from the yard or when there was something that he had to see.

“Okay, okay. I’m awake. I’m awake.” Nick sat up, stretching his arms and yawing while the sun crept inside the room, its rays landing on the carpet and playing with each other in a game of hide and seek. He leaned against the headboard of the bed, scratching the last sand of sleep off from his eyes, and then finally gave attention to Nacho that, quite happy with him about waking up his master, was now waiting for him to see the white letter in front of his paws.

“What is it, Nacho? Did you pick it up from the beach?” Nick asked his dog, taking the white envelope in his hands and observing it: it didn’t look like something that had been lost, for its surface was still pretty clean and only bore the signs of being trapped between Nacho’s teeth and claws. There wasn’t any recipient or any information about the one who sent it. Or lost it. Or happened to leave it in his house.

“Is it for me? Nacho, did you see who left it?” It was like a rhetorical question for Nacho couldn’t actually reply him, no matter how smart he was. Or Nick thought he was. But the dog barked enthusiastic, his tail wiggling around as if he did indeed know about the mystery man.

Left without any real answer, Nick did the only thing he could do in a situation like that. Curiosity and anticipation already filled his veins, swimming along side with blood and pumping into his heart while his fingers quickly opened the envelope: inside he found only a page, its rich filigree painted in an opaque and antique white and scribbled black words in a calligraphy that Nick would and could recognize among thousands and thousands, not only for the multiple times he had read it on music sheets or in a signature that was known all around the world. Brian was one of the last people that were still set on writing by hands invitations or Christmas’, birthday’s cards and whatever could be written in a much simpler and easier email.

“There is something special when you send something handwritten. It feels more personal, less formal.” That was Brian’s reply when Nick had once asked him, after stumbling upon the older busy with a dozen of letters that had to be sent. Something was sure and that was that Brian was such a peculiar, and oh so special, person so Nick wasn’t really surprised by that letter he still had to unfold; on the contrary, that simple gesture touched him, shining a new light of warmth into a relationship that had seen better days in the past: in a way, that message implied that their friendship wasn’t completely and totally lost, it just needed a little bit more of attention and care.

And maybe, just maybe, it could turn out into something much deeper and important... With a sigh, Nick set that thought aside and concentrated on the task to unfold the page and read what Brian had written him:



“... It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas.

I bet you’ve singing it instead than plain reading it. And that was what I had in mind. I know, I know. You’re surprised. And curious. But, in reality, it’s very simple and you’re gonna laugh once you’ve finished reading this crazy idea. But, hey, if it wasn’t crazy it wouldn’t be me, right?

You used to ask me why I loved Christmas so much and I know that I’ve never been able to fully explain: you would smile, tilt your head to one side while doing that expression, that screwed up nose and squinted eyes, that always says that you quite don’t believe or get what I’m saying.

It made me sad, you know?

It made me sad that someone like you, someone that managed to keep his childish spirit no matter what he’s been through, never had a Christmas. A real Christmas, like the ones you made me tell from my childhood.

It still makes me sad, I guess.

For so many years I wanted to do something, for so many years I wanted to show you how it really feels to live a special and magic Christmas. But I was scared. I was a coward, in so many ways and we both know how high it had been the price I paid.

But that’s in the past. No more doubts. No more feeling a coward and hiding behind the image of someone that I don’t and I won’t ever be again. No more holding back, especially when it comes to love and to give back all the magical and blessing things I’ve received.

You, Nick, are the first one. There are so many things that I regret, so many words that I shouldn’t have said and so many that I should have said; there are so many things that I shouldn’t have done and one thing that I should have done more than anything else. But, again, fear had been much powerful and it had been easy, so damn easy, to lie. To hide the truth.

And that’s where Christmas comes. Christmas isn’t only about presents, lights and cookies. Christmas is that special time of the year when magic can happen. When you’re granted a second chance to start all over again, to erase all the wrongs you’ve done in the past and look brightly at the future. When you get the chance to make someone else’s happy, someone who maybe is thinking that he doesn’t belong in your life anymore, someone who doesn’t believe as much as you do. And that’s the reason of this letter and of this kinda crazy project that I have planned: I want to make you fall in love with Christmas.

Twelve Days. Twelve days and twelve adventures. Twelve magical happening.

I’m not forcing you, Nick. You can stop reading at this very moment and I won’t be mad, I promise. But if you’re curious, if my words have managed to get through your “I don’t believe in Christmas but I do believe that Santa might be an alien”, then turn the page and let’s begin.”


Nick just chuckled, astonished by what he had just read. And, yet, a part of him wasn’t really surprised because that was Brian: suddenly, out of the blue, he would come up with something that no one had ever thought before, something just to make someone else’s happy or makes him smile again. He used to do it a lot back in the day, back when they could call themselves “Frick and Frack” and they were best friends in the world: it would just take one sad smile, one “I’ve never done that thing” and, before Nick could even start to wonder, Brian would come out with one of his crazy and so touching plans.

He was touched, Nick, because of the thought implied within that letter: the apology, so subtle and yet so clear that made him want to reach for his phone and call Brian; the love and caring, especially, that melted something inside his heart, some walls he had to built so he wouldn’t hurt anymore. Because Brian’s absence hurt like hell, it hurt like he had been missing a vital part of himself and Nick wouldn’t and couldn’t deny something that would bring the man back into his life.

So Nick turned the page and kept reading.

“If you’re reading this, it means that you’ve accepted to play my game.

Okay, knowing you, I’m already betting you have found a dirty and naughty meaning but let’s just move on, okay?

It’s not Christmas without lights. Without ornaments and decorations, even if they make your house look like it’s in the middle of a bad acid trip. Without a Christmas tree. There’s nothing better than taking one day, shut the world outside the door, and just spend the hours decorating and listening to all those songs that everyone say they hate but they do sing them nevertheless. Nothing puts you in the Christmas spirit than finally seeing your house shining with colors and hope. That’s what they are. Lights are hope, lights are what you hold on to when your life had been filled with darkness and you can only look at the world in gray and black shades. Lights remind you that there’s always a rainbow after the storm, that there is a lighthouse to guide you among and between the strongest and highest waves.

I guess you’ve already guessed what your first task is. In a bunch of minutes, there’s gonna be a knock on your door. Don’t be rude and smile at the boy who is gonna bring you the beautiful tree that I’ve personally chose for you. Smiling at someone you don’t know never hurt, right? Once you’ve placed the tree in the best corner of your living room, go in the kitchen where you’re gonna find all you need to decorate it. And, of course, my personal collection of Christmas music: put the albums on; sing along with Frank Sinatra, Mariah Carey, Dean Martin, Michael Bublé and Disney.

And, remember, be joyful and merry.

Be happy. If you smile, the world will smile back at you.

Yours,
Brian
br />




Nick didn’t even have the time to think over what he had just read for someone started knocking on the front door. Actually, he didn’t even need to reflect whether or not to go through the task, for he was already excited a little boy. In the previous years, decorating the tree had always been as a duty, something he felt the need to do only because everyone else did it. Or everyone else expected him to do it and share photos with the fans. So, for those years, Nick had always taken the easiest road and brought one of those already decorated tree.

Not now. Not anymore, at least.











***







Outside the night was still: an ocean of dark blue and bright stars that acted as small lighthouses, guiding cars and people as they went back home or wherever they were directed to. Inside Nick’s house, instead, multiple and varied colored lights alternating their shades as if they wanted to follow the rhythm of the happily and merry songs that the stereo blasted through all the rooms.

Nick took a step back, admiring the hard work he had done in all those hours. He was quite proud of it and, surprisingly, he felt his face burning with something that was, without a doubt, the flames of happiness. He didn’t know when it happened, when his lips had turned into this bright and so big smile that his cheeks were actually hurting, but it wasn’t something that important. What mattered was that his heart, his whole soul and spirit, seemed and felt much lighter than before, as if hanging lights and ornaments managed to steal away all his troubles and problems, placing them somewhere he couldn’t reach. Nick was content. Even if he was all alone in that house that had always seemed, been, so big and empty.

There was just one thing missing. Well, actually one thing and one person but, for the moment, Nick just focused on the easier problem to solve: the tree’s point was still bare, for that hadn’t been the right decoration in all the boxes that Brian had left for him in his kitchen. It was strange, and weird, that Brian would miss something that important.

So Nick did the only thing he could come up with in that moment: he picked up his phone, left lonely for hours on the couch, and took a picture of his fresh decorated tree; he then sent the photo to Brian with a brief message that read “I think you’re forgotten something, didn’t you?”

No reply. Nothing, though Nick could see that Brian had read the message. Maybe he was embarrassed? Ashamed for his mistake? Nick had meant his words as a playful joke, how could he be mad for something so trivial after everything that Brian had done for him? He was about to send another text, words that were intended to soothe whatever bad feeling the previous one had sent, when a light knock came from the front door.

A knock that Nick would have recognize everywhere because it was their special knocking, a secret code that him and Brian had created back when they first started touring so they would always knew when to open the door and when it was better to lie and fake sleeping. It was stupid, Nick knew it, but he couldn’t help that little tear that started to form in the corner of his eyes, tear that he immediately brushed off as he walked to open the door. It was stupid but, at the same time, it was just another sign that Brian hadn’t forgotten all their history, a relationship that no matter how distant and broken had became, still managed to have a precious corner inside Nick’s heart.

Nick opened the door and there Brian stood, smiling happily and holding a star shaped decoration in his hands.

“You really thought that I could have forgotten about this, didn’t you?”

“Well, you know... you’re not young anymore…”

“My memory still works very well, thank you very much. – Brian replied playfully, letting himself inside. – I’m not the one who even forgets about his brother’s birthday.”

“I object. It was just a slip out.”

“Yeah, keep telling yourself this lie...”

“Aj is even worse than me.”

“No one can win against Aj in that matter. – Both men started laughing, the air echoing their sounds and bringing them outside. – So, did you have fun?”

“You’re crazy, you know this?” Nick asked, tilting his head to the left and smiling.

“Never said that I was normal.”

“That’s true. – Nick agreed, leading Brian towards his living room to show him his work. – Yes, I had fun. And I hope you’ll like the result.” He added in the end, his tone lowering and latched with a tone of warmth and gratitude.

Brian stood in front of the Christmas tree, silent at least for the first moments: it was beautiful indeed, lights and decorations perfectly combined together. But the most beautiful sight wasn’t upon the green branches, some of them carrying fake aliens or zombies ready to eat brains, but the smile and the light of happiness that shone upon Nick’s face. That smile, those bright blue eyes made everything worth it. His plan, at least the first day, had been a success and that was what he had wanted.

To make Nick happy. To show him how fun Christmas was. To show him how much he still cared, and loved, him.

“It will be more beautiful once you add this.” Brian just said, handing the start over to Nick.

Nick placed a hand upon that plastic golden star but he didn’t take it, letting his fingertips brushing Brian’s. A spark originated from that brief contact, a shot of electricity that travelled along the veins and reached the brain, sending a message that wasn’t that hard to comprehend, nor that easy to misunderstand. Blue eyes locked into blue eyes, lights reflecting and letting something came up as an unexpected but so welcomed wave.

“Do you want to hang it together?” Nick asked, his voice soft and full of tenderness.

Another smile. Another pang of warmth that washed over Nick’s soul, melting an ice that had been covering his soul and heart for so long.

“I’m a little too small.”

“Oh. Right. – Flush of red embarrassment appeared on Nick’s cheeks, as he quickly turned around so Brian wouldn’t see that emotion flashing. – Sorry. I always forgot that you’re like an elf.”

Brian softly laughed at that joke, letting Nick take the star from his hands. “It’s okay. And it should be you the one hanging the star. It’s your first Christmas tree, after all.”

And so Nick did it. And so Nick hung the star at the top of the tree, stepping then back and admiring the work finally completed.

It was perfect.

The star completed the tree as if it had always meant to stand the rest, up above and shining so much hope and happiness. Yet, Nick couldn’t shake away the thought that the brightest star was, in reality, the sandy haired man that was standing next to him, happy as he had rarely seen in the previous months and years.

Yes, Brian had always been his star, the brightest star in his sky and universe: familiar, constant and always, always, so far above him. Even during his darkest phase, Brian hadn’t fallen in his same pit, that despair made of drugs, hate and so little will to believe in something positive; Brian had held himself with such dignity and strength, never backing down or allowing himself to be tempted by mere chimeras, that it wasn’t a wonder that Nick couldn't help but to keep falling more and more in love with him. And feel, more and more, as if Brian had been so far off, so unattainable that Nick had never tried to scoot a little closer or to try to put an arm around his shoulder and push him against his body.


But, as the lights kept shining and notes kept filling the air, Nick found the courage to do it: he reached out with his right arm, encircling Brian’s small figure, resting his hand on the shoulder and then slowly, almost quite afraid about Brian’s reaction, pushing his body slightly against his. Time stood still for a moment, a long and endlessly moment that Nick’s mind filled with all the kind of thoughts and doubts possible; he waited, Nick, for Brian to suddenly pull away and making some jokes to alleviate the embarrassment and the awkwardness of the situation.

None of that happened. Rather, Brian adjusted himself so that he was basically leaning against him, his head resting on Nick’s shoulder and the sweet aroma of his cologne blinding every other perfume and enveloping Nick in a warm and invisible bubble of happiness and satisfaction. A content sigh flew in the air, but none of them couldn’t or wouldn’t be able to say whose lips it escaped from. Nick just turned his head towards Brian, just to be sure that it was really happening and it wasn’t just part of his dreams or fantasy but the warm smile that he got in return from Brian was the best reward for that first day of Christmas.









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