I Didn't Mean It by KiKi Zee
Chapter One by KiKi Zee
Brian tapped his fingers against his armrest as he watched Nick draw faces on the steamed up windows of the bus. He rolled his eyes as he looked around the bus at his other four band mates. Apart from the hum of the engine and the rain on the windows, the bus was silent. They were all having one of their ‘moments’ again. AJ and Nick particularly. He heard Kevin yawn as he turned the page of the book he was reading in the seat behind him. Looking around he saw everyone was occupied with something, or pretending to be at least. Howie was asleep, or lying there with his eyes closed, so as not to be involved in any further arguments. Kevin was reading, Nick was drawing faces on the window and AJ was writing something. Brian inwardly laughed at himself and his friends. Within an hour they’d probably be talking and laughing with each other, and another of their pointless arguments would be forgotten. In fact he was sure of it.

24 hours later, as he sat in the hospital waiting room, his head resting in his hands, Brian sighed and rubbed his eyes. He couldn’t have been more wrong, he thought to himself, remembering the events of the last 48 hours.

************

“C’mon AJ” Nick slurred. “Have a drink. PleasE?” *hic* “I’ll pay”

AJ rolled his eyes. “No Nicky, now sit back down.”

“Don’t” *hic* “Call me” *hic* “y” he replied

Kevin put his hands on Nicks shoulders and pushed him down into his seat.

“How did he manage to get so drunk?” Howie asked from across the table they were sitting at.

“We’ve been eating and he’s only had, what? 3 glasses?”

Brian laughed. “Who knows maybe he’s just a light weight!”

“Or maybe, he’s been filling up his own glass.” Kevin said pulling out their now nearly empty wine bottle from the ice bucket standing next to their table.

They were celebrating the release of their new album breaking records, at one of New York’s expensive restaurants, before they headed out on tour the next day. So they were also celebrating there last day before hitting the road.

“Oh well” AJ said drinking his own orange juice. “He’ll pay for it tomorrow.”

“With a hangover” he said in reply to the looks he was getting. “What am I gonna do? Beat him up for having a good time. If that’s what he thinks is one.”

Again he got more of the same looks.

“What?” he said defensively. “Give me some credit!”

The rest of the boys, excluding Nick, laughed.

“What’s so funny?” Nick asked picking at the food on his plate.

“Nothing, don’t worry about it.” Kevin said

“You guys ALWAYS leave me out. I hate you” Nick replied sticking out his tongue.

“Nick, I wouldn’t eat that bit, it’s just for decoration.” Howie said as he watched Nick try to cut the swan carved out of onion in half so he could eat it.

“I don’t care I wanna eat it! Just cos your” *hic* “a pussy”.

Howie frowned in reply. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

“Kevin my good man. Fill up my glass.” Nick said loudly holding his glass out to Kevin.

“I think you’ve had enough Nick.” Kevin told him

“I think I won’t have had enough until there is no more left to have.”

Kevin nodded and smiled. “Yes Nick.”

“Don’t paraphrase me.” Nick slurred.

The other four looked at each other confused.

“Do you mean patronise Nick?” Brian asked

“No foo!” Nick said in a Mr. T accent. “I mean what I said.”

“Oh my god he’s turned into Justin Timberlake.” Howie said

“I spit on Justin Timberlake” Nick replied D12 style, spitting out the bit of onion he’d just put in his mouth

“I think it’s time Nicky went home.” AJ said as the waiter took away their plates.

“Yeah, we’d all better go home. We gotta be at the buses early tomorrow.” Brian said

“But, what about puddin?” Nick said in what was now a cockney British accent.

“You don’t get any, you drank to much.” Kevin told him, giving him a strange look.

“I didn’t drink nothing!” Nick replied.

“Whatever Kaos. Time to go.” Howie said signing the bill.

“But I want dessert.” Nick began to sob.

AJ rolled his eyes, while Kevin raised an eyebrow.

“There’s ice cream at home, have that.” Howie told him.

“But I want it now!!! BRIiiiannn! They’re being mean.” Nick whined

“There’s dessert in the car Nick.” Brian said as he gave apologetic looks to the other diners for the noise Nick was making.

“No there isn’t.” AJ said giving Brian a weird look.

“Shut up” Brian hissed.

“Look, if there isn’t dessert” *hic* “in the car,” *hic* “then we’re only gonna have to come back here to get some.”

“There IS some in the car Nick.” Brian said steering Nick out of the restaurant and towards the parking lot.

“Good. Is there some drink too? I want some more and AJ hasn’t had any yet.”

“I’m not drinking Nick” AJ said pulling his keys out of his pocket.

“Why not?” Nick slurred confusedly

AJ rolled his eyes again, and instead of having to go through what was probably a yearlong story with a hammered Nick, simply held up the car keys and climbed into the driving seat.

“Oh yeah.” Nick said attempting to open the car door.

“Move out of the way Nicky.” Howie said gently pushing Nick to the side so he could open the door.

“Don’t call me Nicky. Poo head!”

Kevin laughed as Howie just shook his head at Nicks comment.

“Hopefully he’ll fall asleep in the car.” Brian said climbing in after Nick.

“Don’t talk bout me like I ain’t here” Nick whined, “Where’s the dessert?”

“You get it when you put your seat belt on and the doors are closed.” Kevin told him from the front passenger seat. Nick complied with the request and asked again.

“So... where is it?”

“At home” Howie told him.

“But... But... Fine I’m going back to the restaurant.” Nick said crossing his arms and attempting to unplug his seat belt.

“Ha ha tough luck Nicky boy. Too late” Brian said from beside him.

“AJ STOP the car! We NEED dessert”

“Sorry kid, we’re already on the freeway.” AJ replied

“No we’re not, we’re not even out of the parking lot yet.”

“It’s the freeway Nick. How much did you have?” AJ asked

“Oh…” Nick said quietly. “Not much.”

“Whatever Nicky” AJ laughed as he pulled out of the parking lot.


************


“Owwwwe” Nick whined. “Freakin’ hang over! Why didn’t you guys stop me drinking so much?”

“We tried” Howie replied as he and Nick walked towards their tour bus. “But you kept sneaking it out of the bottle.”

“Then why did you have it next to me?”

“Don’t try blaming it on us Nicky boy. It’s your own fault and you know it.”

“Argh, shut up, I hate it when you’re right.”

Howie laughed.

“Oh shit.” Nick said stopping

“What?” Howie asked him turning around

“I didn’t tell AJ to have a drink or something stupid like that did I?”

Howie shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot.

“Damnit! Why am I such a dumbass?” Nick berated himself

“Chill Nicky, he knows you didn’t mean anything.”

“But D man, c’mon. I shouldn’t have even been drinking in the first place.” Nick said shaking his head.

“Don’t worry Nick. I’m sure he’s fine with it”

Nick sighed, “I should go and apologise”

“For what?” Brian said catching up with them.

“For being such a shit stick yesterday and trying to make AJ drink”

“You didn’t make him drink Frack. You just offered him one. Don’t be so hard on yourself.” Brian told the young blonde.

“Dude… get real. What kind of friend am I if I get pissed outta my head, knowing that he’s had problems, and then going on at him to have a drink.”

“Nick stop being so hard on yourself. I’m sure if it had upset him he would have said something to one of us.” Howie said

“I’d still better go apologise.” Nick said quietly

Brian and Howie nodded in response as the three of them reached the buses.

“Bonjourno boys.” AJ said jumping down the stairs and out the door of the bus.

“You’re chipper this morning.” Brian told him

“Well I don’t have a hang over like some people do I?” AJ said in a matter-of-fact tone.

“AJ.” Howie said in an disapproving tone.

“What?” AJ asked defensively

“Forget it D. I was just coming to apologise ‘J” Nick said

“...Well that’s okay I guess. Just don’t do it again.”

Nick nodded and climbed on the bus. Howie and Brian looked at each other. “Are you okay AJ?” Brian asked

“Yeah I’m fine why wouldn’t I be?” AJ replied

“That was kinda harsh, what you said to Nick.” Howie told him.

“Huh? How? Why?” AJ asked slightly confused and slightly annoyed.

“He’s been worried about that all morning and you make it sound as though he did it on purpose.” Brian said

“Well he is the one who kept drinking all night. It’s not like we forced him.” AJ said defensively.

“It was still harsh. You know he didn’t mean it. He’s gonna be upset about it all day, you know what he’s like.” Howie continued

“Oh shame for Nick. He’s upset for one day. Well excuse me for not being the Nicky worshippers you all are. The fact that it might have upset me that the stupid dumbass got pissed and kept asking me to have a drink even though he knows! Even though he was there!” AJ said his voice rising.

“AJ, calm down. We’re just sayin—“

“WELL DON’T” AJ shouted.

“Hey guys, chill, what’s going on?” Kevin said arriving at the buses.

“Shut the fuck up Kevin” AJ growled.

“AJ” Brian said in a tone similar to Howie’s earlier.

“WHAT BRIAN? WHAT? Gonna tell me not to swear? Not to be so hard on poor little Nicky?” AJ spat “Well FUCK HIM” he said slowly.

“AJ?” Nick asked appearing behind him at the door of the bus

“Yeah what the fuck do you want Nick?”

“AJ I think you should calm down.” Kevin said trying to get a hand on the situation.

“And I think you should fuck off Kevin. Mind your own god damn business for once.”

“It is—“

“And before you start giving me the ‘it is my business you’re my brothers’ bull. SAVE IT, cos I DON’T wanna hear it.”

“Don’t take it out on them AJ, if you’ve got a problem with me, come out and say it to my face.” Nick said getting slightly pissed off himself.

“Fine then” AJ said turning around to face him. “I HAVE A PROBLEM, WITH YOU.”

Nick looked down at AJ. “Well then, apologise to the others for being and ass, and then take up your problem with me.” He said in a menacing tone.

AJ raised an eyebrow. “Apologise?” he said in a sarcastic tone.

“Well your gonna be laid up in hospital for a while when I’m done with you, so do it now so you don’t forget from all the blows to the head your gonna get.”

“Nick.” Kevin said ready to push his way between the two.

“Ooohh, Nicky’s a hard man is he?” AJ said looking around. “Let’s see how hard.” And with that he threw his arm back and punched Nick in the face. Immediately Brian and Howie grabbed one of his arms each, and Kevin grabbed Nicks to stop him from retaliating.

“Get the fuck off of me Kevin.” Nick spat as blood ran out of his mouth.

“C’mon Carter, just bring it.” AJ taunted. “Afraid you can’t take me fat ass.”

Nick’s eyes flashed with hurt for a second before he lunged again towards AJ. “Your going down junky.”

“Calm down now ladies. Lets not break a nail.” Billy, one of the security team said approaching the rowing boys.

“C’mon AJ lets go before you ruin your hair.” Carlos another member of security said stepping in between the two youngest members of the group.

“Move out of the way Carlos.” AJ said still struggling against Brian and Howie.

“Let him go boys.” Carlos instructed and bent down as they did. Picking AJ up over his shoulder. This annoyed AJ even more, and he wasn’t taking it lightly.

“Put me the FUCK down Carlos. I’m not a child!”

“Could have fooled me.” Carlos said as he climbed on the bus with AJ.

Billy was doing much the same as Carlos had. The only problem was Nick was marginally bigger than AJ and was too much for Billy to lift if he was thrashing about the way he was.
“Max get your ass over here, and help me restrain Nickolas.”

Max another large member of the security team walked over to where four of the five Backstreet Boys and Billy stood. “Ouch Nick! Who’d you piss of this time?” Max asked looking at Nicks bleeding lip.

“Let me go!” was all Nick said, still struggling against Kevin.

“You get his legs and I’ll take this end.” Billy said walking round to where Kevin was. Max nodded and walked up to Nick.

“What are you doing?” Nick said suddenly just noticing Max.

“Nothing. Nothing at all.” Max replied “Can you hold him for a sec while we get him up Kev?”
Kevin nodded in reply, and Max bent down and picked up Nicks kicking legs.

“If you don’t hold still Nick, I’m gonna drop you.” Kevin told him, struggling under Nicks weight and movement.

“Move over Kevin.” Billy said taking Nick from Kevin’s hold.

“PUT ME DOWN!” Nick screamed. He did not appreciate being moved around like a piece of furniture.

“We’re not deaf Nick, you don’t need to shout.” Carlos said carrying him up the steps of the bus.

“GET OFF!” Nick screamed again. He didn’t no which he disliked more, the fact that he was being treated like a child or the fact that he was completely useless to stop Max and Billy taking him wherever they wanted to. It was a scary thought.

“MOVE CARLOS!” Nick could hear AJ shout. Carlos had put AJ down by now, but wasn’t letting him move from the back of the bus. Being as big as he was, all Carlos had to do was stand there and any way to reach the other part of the bus was blocked.

“PUT ME THE FUCK DOWN DAMNIT!” Nick screamed still struggling.
Max and Billy looked at each other.

“Okay” Max shrugged dropping Nicks legs. Nick stopped struggling upon his feet hitting the floor; surprised they had listened to him. Billy took this as his queue and also dropped Nick.

“Owe!” Nick said as his butt hit the hard floor of the bus. “Assholes.” He growled standing up “Move out of my way.” He continued trying to get past Max who stood in his way.
AJ was saying something much the same. Kevin, Brian and Howie climbed on the bus shaking their heads.

“Guys I’d calm down if I were you before Rob gets here.” Brian advised sitting at the table nearer the front of the bus.

“Brian’s right. He’ll go mental.” Howie added sitting opposite Brian

“Who gives a shit?” AJ snarled still trying to get past Carlos.

“Well obviously not you. What’s the matter AJ? Does using your common sense kill off your remaining brain cells?” Nick shouted from between Max and Billy.

“Hey at least I had some to begin with! Where is it you currently resign?” AJ retorted.

“Florida! My girlfriend didn’t kick me out cos I kept getting pissed.”

“Yeah she had to bail you out instead didn’t she? Oh wait, that was your Mom, YOU DON’T HAVE A GIRLFRIEND!”

“At least I don’t have a boyfriend! FAG!”

“SO WHAT IF I’M FAG!” AJ screamed back in response “AT LEAST I’M GETTING LAYED!”

“BY WHO?!” Nick shouted “HOWIE?”

Brian and Kevin looked to Howie, who seemed to be rather insulted by the comment, but said nothing.

“NO NICK, I DON’T TAKE ADVANTAGE OF MY FRIENDS LIKE YOU!”

“WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?”

“LETS RECAP SHALL WE?”

“No, lets not.” Kevin said firmly. “Both of you shut up and sit down.”

“NO!” AJ and Nick yelled in unison.

“YES!”

Both boys stopped shouting and struggling with the security guards and turned to face their manager. A large and, currently red faced, man standing at the end of the bus.

“Hi Rob.” Brian waved, trying to release tension.

Rob glanced at the Kentucky native but said nothing to him. “Anyone would think you two were children. This is pathetic. Two grown men shouting abuse at each other, over what exactly? Can anybody tell me?”
There was a pause. Both Nick and AJ’s minds had thrown blanks. Why were they fighting again?

“Cos he’s a prick.” AJ growled not wanting to look stupid.

“Cos he’s a prick?” Rob said in an almost sing song voice. “Well, that’s a great reason AJ, because Nick’s a prick you want to bust his head open. Well the press will love that. I can see the headlines now. AJ McLean kills band mate for being a prick.”
Brian laughed but stopped when he saw the death glares he was receiving from Nick and AJ.

“Shut up Brian” AJ snarled. Brian rolled his eyes and turned his back to him.

“AJ, if I hear one more word out of you, or you Nick, I will personally see to it that every hotel you two stay in on this tour is one star. Don’t think I won’t. Not only that, there will be no playstation and no guests to hotel rooms or concerts. NOT even family.” Rob said.
Nicks mouth opened and closed a few times, as though he was going to say something, but eventually it closed completely and he said nothing.
“I think I’ve made my point.” Rob said sourly. “Carlos, Max, Billy lets go. If they still want to behave like children, let them.” The security guards shrugged, and followed Rob as he made his way off the bus.

AJ followed them a little way and hissed curses at them as they climbed off the bus before kicking the seat next to him and sitting on it. Nick stared at him, giving him a ‘you-sad-shit’ look before sitting down in the seat next to where he’d been dropped.
Kevin sighed and walked to the back of the bus, where he was usually found, and began reading a book. Howie followed him, not even acknowledging AJ and Nick, sat down and began to sleep, having nothing else to do. Brian took a seat behind Nick. He knew the blonde was still too pissed off so it would be a while before he could attempt holding a conversation with him, so until then he would have to sit twiddling his thumbs.


************


Brian tapped his fingers against his armrest as he watched Nick draw faces on the steamed up windows of the bus hours later. He rolled his eyes, as he looked around the bus at his other four band mates. Apart from the hum of the engine and the rain on the windows, the bus was silent.
He heard Kevin yawn as he turned the page of the book he was reading in the seat behind him. Looking around he saw everyone was occupied with something, or pretending to be at least. Howie was asleep, or lying there with his eyes closed, so as not to be involved in any further arguments. Kevin was reading, Nick was drawing faces on the window and AJ was writing something. Brian inwardly laughed at himself and his friends, soon enough they’d be talking and laughing again as though nothing had happened. Then he started to shake as he tried to hold his laughter in. Soon it became too hard and he had to bend over in his seat and try and hide himself from view. Nick turned around and looked at him as he made a funny noise.

“Brian?” he asked slowly

Brian looked up at his friend.

“Shit dude are you on drugs?” Nick hissed seeing Brian’s eyes water and his face red.

Brian shook his head and let out a loud “HA” which went high at the end as he tried to hold the rest of the laugh in. Howie opened his eyes, Kevin looked up from his book and AJ stopped writing.

“Are you all right?” Nick asked slowly.

Brian shook silently with laughter and rested his head on the seat in front.

“Brian?” Howie asked, “What are you doing?”

Unable to contain it any longer, Brian burst out into hysterical laughter. He didn’t know what he found so funny, or why he was laughing so hard but he was.
The other four looked at him as though he had just grew an extra head.

“No more sugar for Brian.” Kevin said going back to his book trying not to smile.
AJ turned back to his writing and chuckled and a smile played across Howie’s lips as he closed his eyes to go back to sleep.

“Brian” Nick whispered over the seat to his friend. “Are you on drugs? Go on you can tell me.”
Brian made a funny wheezing noise in reply, which in turn made Nick start to laugh.

“What’s so funny?” Howie asked without opening his eyes. Nick shrugged still laughing.
Kevin looked up from his book again and looked at Nick as he shrugged and laughed at the same time. He couldn’t see Brian but he could hear him laughing. Before long Kevin was laughing too.

Howie sat up and looked at the three of them in turn. “What’s so funny now?” he asked confused and slightly annoyed.
Kevin shrugged.

“You three are weird.” Howie said. He turned too look at AJ, who was now also laughing.
“What are you laughing at?” Howie asked exasperated.

AJ just shook his head. Evidently he didn’t know what was so funny either.
Howie rolled his eyes and lay back down across the seats, attempting to get back to sleep. Then, he too, began to laugh.

“Shit.”
All five of the boys turned to where the voice had come from. Their driver

“What’s wrong Jeff?” Kevin asked standing up.

“We’ve got problems, sit down and buckle up.” Jeff replied in a firm voice. Immediately the boys sat down properly and did up their safety belts.

“Shit, shit, shit.” Nick hissed to himself fiddling with something in his lap.

“Calm down Frack, just do up your belt and we’ll be fine.” Brian said from behind calmly, clearly unfazed by what was happening.

“It’s stuck Bri, it won’t work.”

“What do you mean it’s stuck?”

“I mean it’s fucking stuck don’t I?!” Nick replied panicked, still unable to fasten the belt around his waist.

“Hold on boys.”

All of them but Nick turned to the driver.

“Oh shit.”


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