October 30, 2000 Tokyo, Japan

When Tina was younger she thought turning 21 would be the most liberating birthday of her entire life. She had big plans for a fabulous party, maybe even in Las Vegas, with all of her friends there to see her have her first official shot as a legal adult.

Instead she would remember her 21st as being one of the most exasperating, embarrassing, and frustrating days of her life because instead of partying it up in Vegas she was flying from her home in Ohio to Tokyo with a very sick toddler and thanks to that, a plane full of angry passengers.

The other issue she was encountering during the nearly 20 hour flight was the fact that despite his father’s rather mediocre contribution from the gene pool two year old Parker was running just ahead of his development. He wanted out of his seat, he wanted to talk to other passengers, he wanted to do this that and the other but he absolutely refused to use the plane’s potty, much to the malign of the two men sitting in the seats adjacent to theirs in first class considering the boy’s stomach issues.

The end result was Tina sitting frazzled and exhausted while Parker amused himself singing songs he’d made up, his blonde hair falling in his face.

“Baby, why don’t you take a little nap?” she encouraged the boy, brushing his hair back off his forehead to get a good look at his flushed cheeks.

“No,” he whined, big blue eyes looking up at me sadly, “I want Daddy.”

“We’re going to see Daddy,” she assured him, “He’s in Japan right now and that’s where we’re going. If you go to sleep we’ll be there faster and Daddy will be at the airport to pick us up.”

“Promise?” Parker questioned sceptically and Tina saw tears building up in his eyes, a tell-tale sign that he needed to get some rest.

“Yes, I promise,” she sighed relieved when he crawled into her lap, finally settling down for the rest of the flight.

Except Daddy wasn’t there at the airport to pick them up, no one was. No assistant, no bodyguard, not even so much as a person waiting at the gate with a name on a white board.

Instead she found herself completely alone in a very strange and very busy airport in a place where she didn’t speak the language. As much as she wanted to just panic, find a seat and cry for a while she somehow managed to pull it together. Carrying Parker, his diaper bag, and her purse while trying to drag two suitcases along for the ride she tried to make her way through the crowds.

“Where’s Daddy?” Parker sniffled, crankier now than before thanks to a bumpy landing.

“I don’t know,” Tina said honestly, fighting through her purse to find her cell phone at the bottom.

“Miss?” a heavily accented voice asked and she turned excitedly, hoping that this man was her ride.

“Yes?” she asked, looking for some kind of identification but he just appeared to be a traveller like herself.

He smiled at Parker before motioning beside him, “Would you like my cart?”

“Oh!” she smiled though she was slightly disappointed that she was still sort of lost, “Thank you so much. I couldn’t find them anywhere.”

The man helped her get the suitcases onto the metal trolley then left for his own business.

“Parker you want to go in the seat?” she asked the boy with a false sense of excitement, trying to get his little hands from around her neck.

“No,” he whined, “I want Daddy.”

“Right,” she let out a rush of air and put her purse and the diaper bag in the baby seat instead, finally managing to find the missing cell phone, “Let’s see if we can’t call him,” she said with a quick rub of the toddler’s back, knowing she had the number to Nick’s international phone in there somewhere. But as she turned on the phone she quickly realized that it was going to be no use because although Nick had a phone that would work anywhere in the world, she didn’t and there was no signal.

Shoving the cell phone back into her purse she quickly thought of Plan B, finding the piece of paper with all of Nick’s information on it including the hotel the Boys were staying at, and the password for the front desk.

“Let’s get a cab,” she spoke aloud, more for her own self assurance than for Parker’s as they made our way to the entrance where there was a large sign for a taxi stand.

“Do you speak English?” she asked the first man in the line-up and he nodded his head, helping her get everything into the car.

“Where are you going?” he asked and she was surprised by how good his English really was.

“Um,” Tina stuttered, trying to quickly unfold the piece of paper, “The Conrad Hotel?”

Without so much as an acknowledgement they were on their way through the streets and she felt a sense of pride that she had been able to get them to this point without any serious freak outs. Being calm in stressful situations was not usually her strong suit yet she seemed to continually find herself in them.

It was almost a half hour spent in the cab before they arrived in front of a posh hotel, getting into a line of cars that were waiting to unload guests.

“That will be 2000 yen,” the man’s voice suddenly said and Tina realized in that moment that she didn’t have any money, not even American.

“Um,” she thought quickly, rummaging through her wallet, “Do you take credit cards?” she asked and mentally crossed her fingers.

“Yes,” he answered, and initially she pulled out her Visa before spying a familiar black and silver card tucked away under everything else and she eyed it for a moment. Nick’s exclusive Amex Centurion, the card he would tell anyone and everyone about since, like a secret society of rich people, you had to be invited to have one. She knew that she wasn’t to use it unless it was an absolute emergency but she did consider this to be awfully urgent, after all.

“How about American Express?” she asked, whipping it out. The man nodded and started to process the payment, “Go ahead and give yourself a tip.”

“How much?” he asked, and she smiled.

“However much the fare was why don’t you go ahead and triple it.”

He looked back at me somewhat shocked and she just grinned, “It was a really great ride.”

Soon the back door swung open and a uniformed valet got them and their bags out of the car.

“Are you checking in?” the bellhop asked, wanting to know where he was taking the bags.

“We’re in room 2410,” she informed him then followed him into the elevator with Parker securely on her hip, praying that Nick was actually in the hotel and not gone for the day.

The elevator ride felt like forever, with Parker’s ears again bothering him from the change in altitude, but finally stopped on the 24th floor and the bellhop lead them down the hallway towards the room.

Suddenly Parker was trying to squirm out of my arms, “Daddy!” he yelled, arms outstretched to the man who had just walked out of the room.

Nick smiled goofily and pulled the boy out of her arms, “Hey Buddy!” he tossed him up and caught him and she cringed.

“Nick, stop, he’s sick!” Tina complained but he ignored her protests.

“I’m so glad you guys made it,” he said, opening the room door back up to walk inside, nearly smacking her in the face as the door swung back shut.

Tina sighed and reminded herself to get used to it because as long as they were in Backstreetland she was the outsider.

"Happy Birthday to me..." she muttered, following them into the suite.

October 30, 2000 Tokyo, Japan

Tina chewed on her thumbnail as she watched (somewhat) patiently as Nick and Parker had some time to say hello, sharing hugs and kisses and stories from the plane.

She looked around the room, not surprised by the expense that was taken to make sure Nick was taken care of. After all, the Japanese people love the Boys and Nick in particular so he could have had a room in the basement and still managed to get a free upgrade into this penthouse suite.

The entire outside wall was floor to ceiling windows and judging from the tint, were made only for seeing out and not for prying eyes to see back in. There was nothing particularly Japanese about the room’s decor, in fact it all looked very Western but the view was another story. The view was simply stunning to say the least; overlooking Tokyo Bay (Nick was notorious for requesting views of the water where he could) with a huge, almost futuristic looking city looming in the distance. She could only imagine what it would be like at night.

Leaving the two boys in the living room she ventured into the suite’s other rooms, quickly taking in the large king sized bed in the master bedroom before being completely distracted by the en suite bathroom. She thought to herself that she would give up everything she had to have this bathroom. As she stepped onto the floors the stone slowly started to heat up, double sinks were completely see-through except for a blue light making them glow from the bottom, a vanity area with an ample amount of light and perfect amount of space for doing hair and makeup, a double headed shower with enough bells and whistles to nearly convince her not to bathe for fear of being too confused but finally, the pièce de résistance, the tub. In the corner of the room, surrounded by another set of huge windows was an infinity tub. Water fell from the ceiling like a waterfall, filling the stone tub which she knew would look amazing when it was full, probably appearing as though water would fall on the floor at any moment if it weren’t for the way it was skilfully crafted. Needless to say, it was going down in history as the bathroom to beat.

She was making her way back through the bedroom when she noticed it in the corner, like an elephant. She nearly laughed to herself because no matter how long they played blocks, or read books, or watched movies Nick had a lot of learning to do about his son.

“Nick?” Tina called out, slightly reluctant to even speak to him since she hadn’t yet had the chance to ask him why she was on her own when they got off the plane.

“What?” she heard him ask in return, his voice laced with the usual amount of annoyance.

“Why is there a crib in here?”

There was a shuffle and he soon lumbered into the room, his blonde hair standing on end, “What’s the problem? It’s for Parker, who else would it be for?”

She laughed sarcastically and raised a dark blonde eyebrow in his direction, “Parker hasn’t slept in a crib in 6 months.”

The first expression to cross his face was embarrassment, but it was quickly replaced by annoyance, “Well it’s not like I knew that since obviously his Mother doesn’t let me know what’s happening with his life. We agreed that I would know about milestones and I’d say getting out of a crib would be kind of a milestone.”

“You are such an ass!” she let out a frustrated cry, eyes widening, “I called you when I was looking into toddler beds and I asked for your opinion and you said you didn’t have time to talk about it, that you were busy, and that I should just do ’whatever’ so don’t blame me!”

“Whatever.”

In a flash she crossed the room, poking her head out to make sure Parker was occupied with his toys on the floor before firmly shutting the door. Turning back to Nick she shook her head, “No. I’m done with whatever. Parker is not a toy. You don’t just get to play with him whenever you want then pass him off when you’re done with him that’s not how parenting works.”

“Don’t you think I know that?” he glared, crossing his arms across his chest.

“You don’t show it!” she told him honestly, throwing her arms out in exasperation, “If it’s so important to you to know all these things then maybe you should ask once in a while. Maybe you should actually stick around when you’re on break instead of fucking off to party with your friends. Today is my 21st birthday and I flew all the way to Japan so that we could see you and you haven’t said so much as ‘hello’ to me! You left me at the airport with no way to the hotel and you haven’t even asked how we got here! I’m not a glorified babysitter I’m the mother of your child and it’s time to realize that we are your life no matter how much you wish we weren’t.”

His expression softened and he ran his hand through his hair, messing it up further, “I don’t think that,” his voice was low, “I know I’m a shit sometimes but it’s hard, you know? To see everyone else making plans to go off and have fun and I have to say ‘Sorry, as much as I would love to go to Florida and have fun I have to go to Cleveland because I have obligations.’ That’s really hard for me because I want to have fun... but I also want to be with you guys. I don’t want Parker thinking I’m some asshole that doesn’t care about him, I can’t be that guy. It would just be easier if you guys moved to Florida...”

She sighed, having had this argument a thousand times over the past two years, “Easier for you? Yes, absolutely. It wouldn’t be easier for me though. I spent most of my life dying to get the hell out of Cleveland and now I am stuck there by choice. I have a support system there; I have friends and my mother – people who are willing to help me out when I need it, and take care of Parker once in a while so I can get out of the house. You’re not there 8 months out of the year, why do you want me to feel any more isolated than I already do?”

“Why do you feel isolated?” he asked as if he were hearing these words for the first time.

“Because I’m alone,” she whispered, “and I can’t keep doing this alone.”

“You’re not alone,” he tried to stress to her, “I’m gonna try to be better, I promise. We can make this work, you know we can.”

“Where were you today?” she finally asked, watching carefully as he tried to avoid her gaze, “Tell the truth.”

Nick took a deep breath then looked up, finally making eye contact, “I forgot you were flying today. I was supposed to send someone to pick you up and I forgot.”

She shook her head, reaching up to tighten her ponytail just to keep her hands busy and not show just how angry she was, “And that,” I stressed, “Is why I can’t believe you when you tell me things will get better and that you’ll change.”

With that she left him alone in the lavish bedroom, not feeling comfortable leaving Parker playing by himself any longer than she already had.

October 30, 2000 Tokyo, Japan

“Tina?”a familiar voice called out and she briefly wondered who had entered the room before turning back to the book she hadn’t had a chance to read on the plane.

“Tina?” was called out again and she started to wonder if they were calling her. It had just been so long since she’d heard anyone actually say her name. With Parker her name was Mommy, Nick was a habitual user of (not-always) endearing nicknames like Baby, her parents had always called her Honey, but she couldn’t remember the last time anyone had called her just plain old Tina.

Her head popped up, Brian’s smiling face coming into view. With a big grin she jumped from her seat and let him pull me into a warm hug.

“I didn’t know you were coming!” he told me with a goofy grin, squeezing her shoulder quickly.

“Really?” she asked, legitimately shocked, “Nick didn’t mention it?”

“Um,” he covered nervously, “It must have slipped his mind to tell us.”

“Don’t worry about it Brian,” she assured the older man, “He forgot about it all together. Good thing for him I got here after the groupies left.”

When he should have been laughing and reassuring me that it wasn’t an issue, instead he was silent, looking uncomfortable which she knew was because he couldn’t lie.

“Leighanne will be happy to have the company,” Brian said instead, his blue eyes twinkling at the mention of his new wife.

“And how has the first month of wedded bliss been?” she asked curiously.

“Almost two,” he corrected her, still grinning, “And it’s been amazing. I’m really happy.”

“That’s awesome,” Tina told him honestly, still a little envious of his relationship with Leighanne. They had been together for less than a year when she came into Nick’s world and while she had her bout of jealousy when Parker was born, Tina had hers at their wedding. It had been the most romantic thing she’d ever witnessed and it just made her depressed because she couldn’t keep herself from thinking how it would never be her. She wanted the big poofy dress, the fairy tale wedding, and the perfect husband but she didn’t think it would be in the cards.

“Anyway,” he chuckled, “I came to find Nicky and see if he was interested in dinner.”

Putting her bookmark between the pages she was reading she set her book down on the table and thought for a moment, “Probably still sleeping,” she answered, “Parker hasn’t been feeling well so Nick took him for a bath to calm him down and the next thing I knew they were fast asleep.”

“It must be nice to have some time to yourself, huh?” Brian teased and she nodded, “Well we’re actually going out for sushi to this restaurant we found the other day. I don’t imagine that would be your scene tonight anyway...”

“Sushi?” Nick’s curious, yet still sleepy voice broke into the room as he padded in wearing just his boxers and a t-shirt, “I could go for sushi.”

Brian looked between Nick and Tina and back again, “What about Parker?”

“What about him?” Nick asked with a shrug, moving to sit down on the couch, “He eats you know, he’s human, he’s just miniature.”

Tina rolled her eyes and looked over at him lounging lazily on the sofa, “He’s not feeling well Nick. We were cooped up in a plane all day. I’m tired, he’s tired, and I don’t imagine he would be the most adventurous when it comes to food since he’s been sick to his stomach.”

Clearly this idea didn’t impress him and he gave her a dirty look before turning back to Brian, “I’m in.”

“But...” Brian gave Tina a confused look and she openly scoffed.

“Don’t worry about it Brian we’ve managed to do everything else on our own today dinner shouldn’t be that difficult.”

“I’m doing you a favour,” Nick informed her, much to her amazement, “You can order some room service or something – they have American food. Then he will be fed, and close to bed and you won’t have to worry about it.”

“I bet you can get Japanese food from room service too,” she pointed out, “because I would have thought you would have wanted to spend as much time with Parker as you could before we leave.”

Brian interrupted with a clear of his throat, “How about this?” he prompted, trying to play peacekeeper, “We’ll eat here at the hotel tonight then we’ll go out another night. We have a few days off in a row it’s not like we won’t have another chance. That way we’ll be able to grab something to eat; we won’t be far from the room so if you feel like taking off you can.”

“Whatever,” Nick replied but her heated gaze made him change his tune, “I mean... sure, that sounds great.”

“Great. Meet you down there in an hour,” Brian said and quickly left (probably feeling horribly uncomfortable), leaving the two alone in an awkward silence.

Tina was about to speak when suddenly Nick snapped, grabbing her wrist and squeezing, holding a bit too tight for comfort, “Never do that to me again,” he warned, cheeks flushing red with what she could only assume was embarrassment.

“What are you talking about?” she asked, trying to pull her arm back but he just tightened his grip.

“Don’t talk to me like that in front of my friends. You don’t get to tell me what I can and cannot do,” he childishly growled.

She laughed, still trying to pull her hand free, “Oh, but you can tell me what I can and can’t do? Yeah that sounds really fair! Brian is my friend too!”

This time it was Nick who laughed, “No, he’s not. He knows you because of me and for no other reason. Until the time comes that I’m not paying your rent, or putting food in your mouth, or giving you spending money I get to tell you what to do. That’s just how it works.”

She finally managed to free her arm, a red mark left over from his hand. Holding back tears she thought about his words, “You don’t own me. I am not a commodity, or a servant, I’m your...”

“You’re my what?” he prompted with a snarky tone.

“I don’t even know anymore!” she admitted, “What the hell am I? Why do you resent me so much? I know this is cliché but it really does take two to tango. I didn’t set out to ruin your life and I can’t be held solely responsible for the decline in your social calendar.”

“If it had been my decision things would have gone very differently,” he admitted and her eyes went wide with shock.

She could see him making a comment like that two years ago but would have thought anything like that would have gone out the window as soon as Parker was born, “Do you realize you’re talking about your son? You would rather he had never existed? How can you say that?”

“I love my son,” he clarified, “but I probably could have loved him better five years from now.”

“That’s not an option Nick,” now it was her turn to be pissed off and she stood up off the couch to stand in front of him, “This is what you have and you need to learn to deal with it. You have Parker and you have me, and we’re your family and you can’t get rid of us. So regardless of what you wish your life could have been this is what it is.”

After picking her book up off the table, she then grabbed the throw blanket she had been using from the floor, “Tell Brian I’m sorry but Parker isn’t feeling up to dinner. You have a good time,” and with that she walked off into the bedroom, shutting the door firmly behind her.

She had been having the same argument for the past two years with Nick. He felt this sense of obligation, that it wasn’t fair that he was inconvenienced by having a kid and a girlfriend but she didn’t get to have those thoughts. Every time they popped up she had to push them to the side and take care of Parker. He got off easy, but before she left Asia she had every intention to break him of that.

October 30, 2000 Tokyo, Japan

“Is Parker going to stay in the other room all night?” Nick asked as he walked into the room, loudly making his way across the carpet and through his suitcase. He moved from the suitcase to the bathroom and she heard him brushing his teeth, but continued to ignore the noise.

“You’re not mad, are you?” Nick’s voice came through the dim light of the room and she didn’t open her eyes to acknowledge him.

“I know you’re not sleeping,” he said and she felt the mattress sink behind her and then felt the heat radiating off his body, “because you snore.”

“I do not,” she defended, “and go away.”

“You do,” he countered, “You can’t seriously be mad. There’s nothing to be mad about.”

With a frustrated groan she rolled over on the bed, almost nose to nose with him, “Nothing to be mad about? Are you kidding me? I can’t believe you actually went down for dinner.”

His eyes went wide, “I was hungry!”

“So were we,” she informed him, “I really expected that rather than tell us to order room service and go off without us you would have stayed and had room service with us.”

His expression changed to his trademark smirk, and she felt his hands slide around her midsection, “Come on,” he wooed, “You don’t want to fight about something as silly as this.”

“It’s not silly to me,” she said, trying not to react to his attention.

His hands continued to move back and forth across her hip and up her back before finally sliding underneath the tank top she was wearing, “It’s only the first day. Let me get used to you guys being around before you get all over me.”

“Don’t you want me all over you?” she asked sarcastically, letting him pull her closer.

“Yeah,” he nodded and she recognized a familiar lust in his eyes.

Tina had to hold back her laughter as she watched his eyes darken, “It’s only the first day Nick... let me get used to you pawing me before you get all over me.”

She saw the flash of anger go through his eyes and had been expecting it. There was nothing this boy liked less than feeling embarrassed. He was so protective over his pride and she often worried that Parker would grow up to be the same way, always protecting himself and flying off the handle when threatened. She should have just known that there was only one outcome to this situation. Nick wasn’t used to not getting what he wanted, and he put up a fight if things didn’t go just how he had expected them to.

“Come on,” he said shortly, “It’s your birthday present.”

She couldn’t help but laugh at that, “My birthday present?” she repeated just to be sure she’d heard right, “Right... because there’s nothing I wanted more for my birthday than you sweating all over me, getting off, rolling over and going to sleep - Happy Birthday!”

“You know you want it,” he said and she knew he was now teasing as his face broke into a grin. She tried to resist his smile but finally a grin hit her face and he knew he’d won.

“Ugh,” she groaned as Nick pulled her body under his and started to pull off her tank top, “Why do you have to be so damn cute? Don’t you know I’m trying to hate you?”

“You do a pretty good job of it most times,” he commented and she lifted her head to get the top over her hair.

He yanked off his own t-shirt and pressed their bare chests together, his lips seeking out the most sensitive spot on her neck,

“You know it’s not like that,” she said, her fingertips gliding over the soft skin of his back.

Nick pulled back to look her in the eyes, his lips brushing hers softly, “Sometimes I do,” he admitted quietly, “And the other times I think you really do hate me.”

“I don’t hate you,” she told him honestly, “I love you.”

“But do you like me?” he questioned, brushing her hair back behind her ear.

She slid her hands into the back of his pants, not surprised when she just felt skin instead of boxers since Nick was notorious for going commando, “Most times I do... other times you make it really difficult to like you. Sometimes you’re not very nice to me.”

“You can be really difficult,” he said, his hands going to the elastic waistband on the shorts she was wearing, both acting as if they weren’t having a deep, serious conversation as they undressed each other, “I’d love to be able to sit around at home all the time hanging out with you and Parker but it’s not going to happen, this is what I do.”

Tina lifted her hips and shimmied out of her shorts, letting him toss them to the side, “You treat me differently when we’re alone than you do with your friends.”

“So do you,” he fired back; “You’re always on my back about something. I would really rather have private discussions that involve the two of us when we’re alone. You’re always bringing stuff up when we’re in front of my friends and I get defensive.”

His hands went to the button on his pants and together they pushed them over his butt and down his legs.

“Sometimes it’s the only way to make you listen to me,” she admitted, her hands lightly drifting over the soft hair on his upper thighs, feeling his erection pressed against her pelvis.

Nick leaned down and pressed his lips to hers, catching them in a passionate kiss. His tongue softly stroked hers while he used his hand to simulate the same motion between her legs.

“You should know by now,” he whispered as he broke off the kiss, pressing himself against her entrance, “That I don’t listen.” That was the end of the conversation because they lost all words as he pushed inside, pulling her legs up and around his waist. From then on the only thing we exchanged was grunts, pants, and moans.

Tina felt a bead of sweat rolling between her breasts and although she wasn’t sure whose it was at first she quickly realized that it had fallen from Nick’s hair, just as she had predicted would happen. She tried to keep herself in the zone but knew what was coming. From experience, she knew that he would finish, make sure she finished, then roll over and fall asleep. She thought they had the most boring sex life considering they were two young people in their prime. Suddenly she realized that Nick had stopped thrusting and she assumed he was done.

“Are you even paying attention?” he asked and she raised an eyebrow, “You’re not, are you?”

“Of course I am,” she lied, slapping him on the butt quickly, “Now c’mon.”

He started again, his speed much slower than before as he continued to eye her carefully.

“Nick,” she whined, moving her hips against his.

“Move to Florida,” he tried again, trying to take advantage of his power over the situation.

“Now isn’t the time!” she contested, still writhing underneath him, “We’ve had this discussion.”

“We’ll get a place with a guest house and move your parents down too.”

Her back arched, still fighting to make him move, “You know my answer.”

“Say yes,” he prompted, suddenly thrusting so hard against her that she cried out in both pleasure and pain.

“No!”

“Say it,” he repeated, thrusting again.

Her thighs started to shake, letting both of them know that she was at the edge of a cliff, “No!”

“Say yes,” he said once again and with another strong thrust orgasm surged across her body.

“Yes!” she cried out, holding onto his biceps tightly as she came down from her high, completely oblivious to the fact that he had finished also.

Nick kissed her soundly, pressing their foreheads together as he pulled away, “Guess what?” he asked.

“What?” she followed up, having a feeling that she knew what he was going to say.

“I win.”

“You cheat.”

He smirked and kissed her quickly, “Yeah but you knew that. Happy Birthday.”

She couldn’t help but smile slightly, “Thanks.”

December 15, 2000 Tampa, Florida

Tina didn’t hear the cab pull up, or the slam of the front door, but she was thankful Parker had been sent off with one of his new friends when she heard Nick screaming through the house.

“Tina!” he hollered and she knew it would take him a while to quickly look through the oversized home before he’d find her sitting out on the patio in front of the pool.

It gave her a few moments to myself to try and fight back her grin.

“Didn’t you hear me calling you?” he asked as he walked through the back door. Glancing up, she took him in for a moment wishing sge had some control over his wardrobe since his oversized polo shirt and one size too big jeans did nothing to hide the fact that he’d gained weight on tour.

“Yup,” she nodded and looked back down to the book she was reading, “I was ignoring you.”

She didn’t see it coming but suddenly the words scrambled in front of her eyes as the novel was torn from her hands and thrown into the pool. Tina gasped and looked over at the slowly sinking mess of paper before turning back to Nick, “What is wrong with you?”

“What’s wrong with me?” he asked rhetorically, pulling the chair that her feet had been resting on away from the table so he could sit on it, “You left me at the airport!”

“Sucks, doesn’t it?” she asked him, smirking. When Nick had given her the dates and times for his flight home from the Asian leg of the tour she made a point of filing them away for future reference, safely in the recycle bin. After the way he’d forgotten about their arrival in Japan, knowing she would have a child and more bags than one person should have to carry, he didn’t deserve to have her show up at the airport with his precious car and a little greeting party to welcome him home.

“You’re a spiteful bitch,” he spat and she was wide eyed, wondering what on earth had crawled up his butt to put him in such a bad mood.

All she had in her was a laugh as she shook her head and looked at him pitifully, “It was supposed to be a joke, Nick. I thought we’d be able to laugh about it later... you’re all about the pranks the rest of the time why is it so terrible for me to get you back for something you did to me? Was making you take a cab really the worst thing I’ve ever done to you?”

“I just don’t get it,” he said, standing up again so he could pace, “You sit around here on your lazy fucking ass all day in the multi-million dollar house that I paid for, driving around in the cars that I paid for, your parents living in a guest house that I fucking paid for, eating food, buying clothes, doing whatever it is you want with the money coming straight out of my bank account yet you have no appreciation for what you have. Instead you strut around like Queen of the castle; acting like the world fucking owes you something. Well sorry; the world doesn’t owe you anything. You’re no different from every other teenage mother that got knocked up because she was so desperate to get stuffed on spring break.”

His words were like a slap to the face and tears she didn’t know she had rolled down her cheeks as she watched him rant. She tried to think of anything she could possibly say in response to his comments but it was all so out of left field that nothing came to mind. Not living together really was the most tasking part of their  relationship. They had no time to talk, and they rarely saw each other, so in the end little things always managed to build up and by the time they were together again they were huge things. They had no idea how to live together considering they spent so much time on our own. She, just like he, became accustomed to being alone so when he was around it was like having a guest overstaying their welcome except they were in each other's space, bathroom, and bed.

Tina needn't say any more because her mother’s voice cut into the painful silence.

“If you don’t want us here, we’ll leave,” she stated and Tina knew then she had heard the entire transaction. Nick didn’t even bother to turn around and face her, just kept looking straight ahead while he was scolded by Tina's mother, “We didn’t want to come here.”

“Okay,” Nick said, “You can leave then because I didn’t want you here either. I can’t even tolerate my own mother, why would I want someone else’s hanging around all the time.”

“If we go I hope you realize your wife and child would be coming with us. I’m worried that you actually want that.”

Still looking at Tina, Nick smirked, “We’re not married,” he reminded her, much to her displeasure, “and they’re not going anywhere.”

“Have you told him yet?” her mother asked, finally bringing Tina into the conversation and she just shook my head.

Nick raised an eyebrow, finally taking a quick check behind him to the other woman, “Told me what?” he asked before turning back.

With a heavy sigh she wiped her eyes and ran her hands through her hair, “I’m pregnant,” Tina admitted, throwing her hands up in frustration.

“You have to be kidding me,” he laughed and brushed back his own locks, “when?” he asked, but she was pretty sure he already knew the answer.

“Probably my birthday,” she said and he nodded as if that would have been his guess.

Clearing her throat, Tina's mother Lynn popped back in again, “You know what this means, right? That means you’re going to have two young children. You two need to get your shit together and start thinking about whether you’re going to be able to keep this up in 5 years when your kids start asking why Daddy is never home and why you two fight all the time. It’s not fair to Parker and it’s not fair to the baby you’re going to have to be in this constant state of tension. It’s like a soap opera, and it needs to end.”

“What do you expect me to do? What do you people want from me?” Nick asked, finally turning his body fully to face her mother, “This is my job, my career we’re talking about and I will not throw away everything I have worked so hard for.”

“It wasn’t much of a problem to expect Tina to throw away everything for you, was it?” Lynn asked and the question hung heavily in the air.

With a very heavy sigh Nick grabbed the chair he’d been sitting in, pulling it over closer to Tina's before taking a seat. With their knees almost touching he leaned his elbows against the tops of his thighs, “What do you want me to do?”

“Take us with you,” she suggested since it hadn’t even been option thus far, “We’ll go on tour with you and then you’ll be able to see us whenever you want...”

“No,” he answered shortly, shaking his head, “I don’t want Parker growing up on the road.”

“Would you rather he grows up without his Dad?” she asked pointedly, and saw a flinch on Nick’s face, “We just want to be with you. How can you hold that against us?”

He took a long pause to think and she started to get hopeful when his head nodded slightly, “I don’t want him to grow up without me there, but I don’t want him staying in a different hotel every night and not living like a normal kid should live.”

“As much as it pains me to say it,” he scratched his head, “I’m going to have to consider taking a break from the Backstreet Boys.”

December 15, 2000 Tampa, Florida

“Did you mean what you said?” Tina asked as she walked into the room, a basket of laundry heavy in her hands.

“About what?” Nick’s reply was a mere mumble and he never took his eyes off the television screen in front of him. He had been completely engrossed in shooting Nazis on his Xbox for the better part of the afternoon while she did housework.

“About taking time off, taking a break from the group,” she clarified, dropping the basket down next to him on the couch.

He shrugged and she knew he was probably going to back out of it somehow, “Yeah, sure, I guess, but I imagine our definitions of ‘break’ probably differ.”

Tina scoffed slightly and started yanking clean shirts from the basket to fold, “So tell me about your definition.”

He took a deep breath, letting it out slowly without taking his eyes from the screen, “Like... two or three weeks or something.”

“You’re not serious?” she asked, wide eyed, “That’s less time than you’re normally off for vacation. Fuck, that’s less time than you’re off right now and this is just a gap between legs of the tour! That’s not a break!”

Finally, she heard the sound of virtual gunfire stop. The game was paused and Nick tossed the controller onto the couch beside him before motioning her closer, “Come sit for a second so we can talk without your mother leaning over my shoulder for once.”

Without argument she followed his lead, sitting down on the edge of the coffee table between his knees, “What do you want to talk about?” she asked, figuring she knew what the answer would likely be.

He leaned his elbows on the tops of his thighs, hunching forward slightly while running his hand over the day old stubble on his cheek, “Can I say something without you getting mad?”

“Yes,” she affirmed, “You can always be honest with me.”

“Okay,” she watched the top of his blonde head as he nodded then looked up into her eyes, “If... ugh, how do I say this,” he let out a rush of air, “If having another baby means I’m going to have to give up any portion of my career then I don’t want another baby. I’m too young to retire just so that you can keep me around for a few years. I don’t have anything to fall back on, and the chances of me being able to restart things five years down the road... well, let’s just say it doesn’t look good for me. I am on a really great wave right now and I need to ride it until the end. I can’t cut out early.”

“It’s not that I don’t understand what you’re saying, or respect that you’re trying to achieve your dream,” she started, staring down at her hands which were planted firmly in her lap, “It’s just that this isn’t a choice. I’m not asking you if you want to have another baby. I’m telling you that we’re having another baby.”

He reached out and grabbed her hands and she wondered if it was his way of showing support, or his way of making sure she didn’t hurt him after what he was about to say, “It’s not too late you know. I looked it up on the internet. In Florida you have until the 20th week to get an abortion.”

She tried to yank her hands away but his grip was too tight so she relented, letting him continue to hold them, “I’m not getting an abortion,” she told him firmly.

“Since when are you pro-life, I thought you were all about women having the right to choose? At least that’s what I remember from all your political tirades.”

“I do believe that women have the right to choose!” Tina exclaimed, looking at him wide-eyed, “My choice is that I cannot justify having an abortion. I wasn’t raped, I’m not a teenager, I’m not alone, I’m not poor, I’m not starting a new career, or a new relationship, and I have a support system that will help me with the details. There is no reason I can’t have this baby.”

From the huff of his breath she could tell he wasn’t impressed with the answer, “What if you were alone and poor, then?”

She blinked, almost unsure that she had heard him correctly, “Are you threatening me?”

He was silent for a moment, then suddenly dropped her hands and threw himself back against the couch in a slump, “No! I don’t know why I said that.”

Moving from the coffee table and onto the couch, she straddled his waist, looking down at his frustrated expression as he ran his hands over his hair, “Look,” she started, forcing his chin up so he could look her in the face, “The fact of the matter is that we’re having a baby whether it’s convenient for us or not. If you want to ride your wave then do it. I don’t want to take anything away from you. But... that being said... you need to learn that you can’t have it all. You can’t complain about not getting to experience things with Parker, and then say you don’t want him out on the road with you. You have to decide what you want. Lots of musicians have kids and their kids don’t hate them when they’re older. The difference is that they work hard for it. You have to stop expecting everything to fall into your lap. If you want to see Parker you need to come home and be with him on his turf. He won’t remember all these great places you’re flying him out to until he’s older. He just wants to be with you.”

His expression was hard and she recognized it as the look he got when he was trying to talk himself out of crying, for that would go against the bro-code, “This isn’t the way I envisioned my life going.”

“You think this is what I planned for myself? We’re in this together, and the most we can do is try and look at the bright side of things.”

“What exactly is the bright side?” he asked with a perfectly arched eyebrow raised in her direction.

“What if we had met years earlier?” she asked rhetorically, “What if we had been sixteen when we had Parker? Your career would have been over before it even started. Instead of sitting on this beautiful leather sectional in your ridiculously large games room we’d be sitting, instead, on a ratty old couch in some rundown apartment not worrying about how much you’d be home for the new baby but whether we’d be able to afford a home for the new baby. The bright side of all of this is that you’re doing what you love, and because of that you’re able to support the family that maybe you never thought you’d have, but ended up with none the less.”

He was silent for an uncomfortably long amount of time, just staring. She was about to give up on wondering what was running through his head when he finally spoke, “Except that can’t be.”

“What do you mean?” she asked haughtily.

“We couldn’t have had Parker when we were sixteen, in fact, we never would have met. Your bright side theory doesn’t work. You’re from Ohio, and I’m from Florida, those facts alone pretty much secure the fact that we wouldn’t have met, we wouldn’t have fucked, and we wouldn’t have a kid. I’m not some high school student that got shitfaced and ended up in bed with the girl who sat behind me in English class. I didn’t go to high school because I was making a name for myself in my field. You only met me because you happened to be on the same beach that night and I was looking to get laid. It wasn’t destiny.”

And like that, all of her girlish dreams of fate and kismet were stomped on, “You’re an asshole,” she told him and he didn’t seem to disagree.

“One of the many reasons why we shouldn’t be having more children,” he pointed out but it did nothing to make her feel any better. It only made her question whether he was right.

“Aren’t you afraid,” she queried, “That one day you won’t have any of this and you’ll end up all alone because you spent so much time being hateful and treating everyone like shit?”

He considered it for a moment then shrugged, “Nope,” he answered in typical Nick fashion, then with a resounding slap to the back of her thigh he reached for his controller and motioned her out of the way of his view, “Because no matter what happens between us I know two things for certain. I’ll always have two things to keep me company - money, and Parker.”

December 15, 2000 Tampa, Florida

Storm clouds started rolling in during the late afternoon. Tina was always a fan of a good storm and got distracted watching the sky get consumed by darkness as Nick rushed around putting away cushions from the patio furniture and anything that might be an invitation for lightning. Thunderstorms were always very dramatic this close to the gulf, but they were nothing compared to the storms she was used to living in the Midwest. They just weren’t normally during the Christmas season.

With a sudden flash of light the skies opened up and rain poured down. She couldn’t stop herself from opening the patio door to listen to the slap of the raindrops against the patio tile, the little droplets jumping off the surface of the pool. She could hear Nick slam the doors shut to the pool house as she stepped out into the winter rain, the water cold between the bottom of her feet and the marble tiles.

Tina stretched her neck and looked up at the sky, inhaling deeply as the downpour fell against her skin. She felt so free then, enjoying the rain. In her imagination she wasn’t standing in the backyard of some oversized, overpriced mansion but instead in a simple field, a meadow somewhere peaceful and beautiful. It stayed peaceful and beautiful of course until a yank on her arm pulled her from her reverie.

“Are you nuts? Go inside, it’s crazy out here!” Nick yelled over the sound of the rain, his soaking wet hair pressed to the top of his head, t-shirt nearly see-through.

“Let go of me!” she snapped, pulling her arm back from him. She felt like everything she did he always tried to ruin, always telling her what to do and what not to do. It was like she was never able to make her own decisions, even about something as simple, as stupid, as standing out in the rain.

“You’re going to catch a cold!” he tried to mother her and she shook her head.

“You can’t catch a cold from the weather,” she rolled her eyes then started to move away from him, not surprised when he followed, “Would you just leave me alone for once?”

“No!” he answered and she continued to move away, feeling her pants getting heavier as the water bogged down the denim.

She didn’t even notice when tears started mixing with the rain that was dripping down her face, “Why can’t you just let me have this one thing? Why do you have to take everything away from me?”

His eyes were wide and he threw his hands up in the air in frustration, “What are you going on about? What have I ever taken away from you?”

“EVERYTHING!” she screamed, not knowing where the energy came from, “I should be...” she paused, her breath coming in fast gasps, “...doing things with my life. I should be in college, having fun with my friends, and learning but instead I’m stuck here! I’m like some caged animal, some sideshow for you to entertain yourself with! I hate it here! I hate it!” gradually she had moved well into his space, her fist connecting with his chest with every heated consonant, “And most of all... I hate you!”

Before she could hit him again Nick grabbed her shoulders firmly, shaking her as he yelled back, “You’re a crazy bitch! You think everything is about you! It’s not! You think you’re the only one who feels stuck? Well, newsflash baby, you’re not! Every time I walk into the same room as you it’s just a reminder of everything that should be. I should be having fun too, you know? I should be at big Hollywood parties, fucking groupies and hot blonde pop stars but instead I’m always coming back to you, playing with toys and watching Bob the Builder. The difference between me and you is that I fucking love you. Sometimes I hate the fact that I love you, and maybe I do take it out on you but... I do, okay? I love you.”

Throwing her arms up she broke out of his vice-like grip, “You’re a liar!” she yelled, now sobbing, “How can you stand there and tell me you love me when you treat me like garbage? I don’t feel loved, and I don’t for a second think you’re not already fucking groupies and hot blonde pop stars. You can’t stand there and tell me you’ve never cheated on me, and you can’t stand there and act the saint like you’re some happy, loving boyfriend and father. Liar!”

“Fine!” now Nick was yelling, water spraying from his wet shirt as he threw his arms in the air, “You want the truth? I have cheated on you! I felt so awful afterwards that I swore I’d never do it again!”

“You poor thing,” Tina said sarcastically, “I can’t imagine how horribly guilty you must have felt! Someone should give you an award for how selfless you are for deciding to stop fucking around.”

He was laughing now but she knew it was no joke, “And you wonder why I treat you the way I do.”

Running her hands over her wet hair she took a quick second to listen to the thunder rolling overhead, “I can’t do this anymore, Nick. I want to go home. I know you still want to be in Parker’s life...”

“Wait,” he interrupted, leaning his head down to catch her eye, “Are you breaking up with me?”

With a heavy sigh she reluctantly nodded, “This isn’t working; you can’t tell me it’s working for you. I want you to be able to do whatever it is you want to do without feeling some obligation to me. I’m tired of having my heart broken over and over again.”

“I just told you I loved you and now you’re breaking up with me?” Nick asked incredulously and she nearly laughed at the fact that he was surprised, “You’re pregnant with my child.”

 “You don’t even want this baby! You told me you as much!” she yelled and turned to walk away, feeling him on her heels, “An hour ago you wanted me to have an abortion and now you’re trying to use it against me? How dare you!”

“Don’t walk away from me!” he growled, pulling at her arm but she kept pulling away, trying to get back towards the door.

Her feet were sliding against the tile as she rounded the pool but she kept speeding up to make sure she got to the door before Nick. Her footing failed her though as she tried to keep her balance on the slick tiles. Between Nick’s hands grabbing for her, and the lack of balance, she suddenly found herself falling, quickly, towards the rough surface of the pool. The water would normally have made for a cushioned landing, but she felt the sharp blow of her head hitting the metal ladder and then nothing at all. Just heard the distant sound of Nick screaming her name before it all went silent.

December 15, 2000 Tampa, Florida

Nick’s leg bounced uneasily against the linoleum floor, the tip of his sneaker squeaking as it rubbed against the freshly waxed surface.

He was still soaked through from his dip in the pool and he was sure that he was leaving a pool of water from his jeans on the plastic seat underneath him.

He listened to the buzzing of the large fluorescent lights overhead, and the bustle of people going up and down the hallway but what he really wanted to hear was some answers. No one had been out to talk to him in well over an hour and he was starting to get anxious.

“Tina Mulligan?” an unfamiliar voice called into the waiting area and Nick glanced up to see a woman in blue flowered scrubs looking around blindly.

Nick jumped out of his seat, his shoes leaking water out of the sides with the force, “Yes! I’m her boyf...husband. I’m her husband,” he said, walking quickly over to the woman, “Is she okay?”

“Why don’t you follow me Mr. Mulligan?” the nurse offered, leading him by the arm out the door and down the hall.

“It’s Carter, actually,” he corrected and the nurse gave him a quick look which included a glance down to his left ring finger.

“We only allow immediate family back here,” the nurse came to a complete stop, her hand still holding Nick’s arm, “If you’re not family you’ll need to leave.”

“No, I am!” Nick shook his head quickly, “I just wasn’t sure what to call myself. We’re not married on paper but she’s more than just my girlfriend. She’s my family.”

At that moment Nick believed it too. He had spent so long telling himself that Tina was just another girl trying to have her fingers in the pot that was his life but that hour he spent sitting in the waiting room had opened his eyes to how important she really was to him, to their little family.

A doctor greeted him at the door of a hospital room and the nurse walked in the other direction, leaving the two outside of the door.

“Is she okay?”

The doctor nodded, then moved aside so Nick could see Tina lying quietly on the hospital bed behind him, “She’s fine,” the older man answered, “She’s got a nasty goose egg, and one heck of a headache but otherwise she’s doing alright...”

Nick raised his eyebrow, feeling like something was going unsaid, “Why do I feel like there’s a ‘but...’ coming?”

The doctor, a tall thin man easily in his mid-50’s, had a distressed look on his lined face, “The time that Tina spent under the water without breathing was a huge shock to the baby. She’s had some significant blood loss, which we’re monitoring.”

Nick had almost forgotten about the baby, he was so worried about Tina, “So, what does that mean? Is she going to lose the baby?”

“It’s tough to say,” the doctor explained, “she very well might, but she might not. We’re going to have to put her on restricted bed rest for the time being though, so we can keep an eye on things.”

“She’s only a few weeks pregnant!” Nick exclaimed, “She’s going to have to stay in bed for the next six or seven months?”

The doctor shook his head, “Not necessarily. If things go well and the baby’s condition stabilizes we will be able to change things but if the condition doesn’t improve, she could very well spend the next six months lying in bed. Or if things don’t go well she’ll be up and around but she won’t be pregnant and that is what we’re trying to avoid.”

Nick didn’t want to admit that the latter would almost be the better option in the long run when it came to lying around for the better part of a year, “Can I see her? Is she awake?”

The doctor nodded and moved out of the way of the door, “She’s just resting right now.”

Nick squeezed in the door, listening to the soft beep of a heart monitor that was keeping an eye on Tina’s vitals. Her eyes were closed so he was caught off guard to suddenly hear her voice.

“Hey.”

“Hi,” he breathed heavily then grabbed a seat.

She blinked slowly, eyes adjusting to the light in the room before turning to Nick who was sitting in a chair next to the bed. He looked pitiful; his jeans were spotty with some areas dry and others still wet, and she could tell from his entrance that his sneakers were still bogged down. She could only assume that he was wet from the pool because she didn’t remember much after slipping.

“What happened?” she asked, feeling the throb of the bump on her head.

“The doctors didn’t tell you?” he asked.

She nodded slowly, careful not to move too much, “I know what happened with my head. I don’t really know what happened between the backyard and here.”

His lips pursed quickly as he searched for the words, “Well you slipped, on the tile, and the next thing I knew you were falling. You hit your head... on the ladder I think... and the water just started turning red. There seemed to be so much blood, I could barely see you. I jumped in and pulled you out. At this point your mom had heard me yelling from their place and she came out and called 911 while I gave you mouth to mouth.”

Tina gasped, “You had to do CPR?”

“Well,” he paused modestly, “Your heart was beating but you had a bunch of water in your lungs. I got you to cough it out and then we just waited for the ambulance and tried to keep your head from bleeding too much.”

“Wow,” she whispered, suddenly seeing Nick in a new light, “I don’t know how I can ever thank you enough. That must have been really hard for you.”

“You don’t need to thank me,” he said firmly, “It was a gut instinct to jump in.”

“Where’s Parker?” she suddenly asked, not knowing what time of day it was.

“With your parents,” Nick answered, “I wasn’t sure how long we were going to be here, or when you’d get to go home so we decided that they would go pick him up from his play date then just stay at home.”

“Home,” she mused sadly, “I guess I’ll have a lot of time to stay at home in the next little while.”

“I’m so sorry,” Nick said with a groan, “I was frustrated to hear that.”

“Yeah I bet you were,” she pointed out sarcastically, “You were probably hoping I lost it.”

Tina could see in his face that he was trying to maintain his composure and not get upset, “No. That’s not right at all. I would never want something like that stolen away from you.”

“You just want me to do it voluntarily.”

“No!” he let out a frustrated sigh, “I realized something... when you were laying there on the patio stones bleeding. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if you’d had an abortion. I would always wonder about the person that could have been.”

She couldn’t stop herself from smiling slightly, “I’m glad to hear that because as terrible as it seems like it’s going to be, I’m going to stay in bed as long as I have to, and I’m going to take really good care of myself because our baby deserves it. I have to fight for it; I can’t just pack it in.”

“And that is why you’re a better person than I will ever be,” he told her, reaching out to grab her hand.

December 19, 2000 Tampa, Florida

With a groan Tina eased herself out of her parent’s SUV, still feeling like she’d been run over by a truck even after spending four days in the hospital on observation.

The walk from the car to the door would probably be the furthest her feet would take her for some time, now that she got the joy of beginning her sentence on bed rest.

Ending up in the hospital, despite the hazard it played on her body, ended up not being the worst thing that had ever happened to Tina. She came out of there with more love and respect for Nick than she’d had in a while. He had jumped into the pool and saved her life that night, then out of the blue became the father she always wanted him to be and took care of Parker almost completely solo while she was recovering. She figured he would have passed the buck to her parents and enjoyed the extra time playing video games. Instead her mother told her that they only had their usual visits to the main house and that Nick had become a surrogate mom; thinking up activities, baking cookies, making lunches, and keeping Parker to his normal schedule. It was only four days but it was more than she had ever expected of him.

Breaking from her reverie she realized her father had been taking an awful long time opening the door, “Is there something wrong with the lock?” she wondered and he just grunted and continued jingling the handle before finally swinging the door open.

As she cleared the doorway Tina’s eyebrow raised curiously at the sight before her. A single chair had been set out in the middle of the hallway and a banner proclaiming ‘Welcome Home, Mommy’ with Parker’s scribbles was stuck above the adjacent doorway.

“What’s going on?” she asked with the hint of a laugh in her voice.

Her mother smiled and rubbed her shoulder quickly, “Just have a seat and enjoy they’ve been working on this for a couple of days now.”

“Working on what?” she asked as she sat down but by then both her parents had taken their leave. She barely had the chance to come up with any theories when she suddenly heard a guitar strum.

The music started first, just a guitar which she could only assume Nick was playing. Soon afterwards Parker made his way into the hallway and she had to smile, knowing that he had picked his own clothes that morning judging by the way they mismatched.

“Hi Mommy!” he said excitedly, and she heard Nick’s voice from the other room remind Parker of what he was doing, “We’re singing a song for you!” the boy repeated his father’s instructions rather than following them and Tina couldn’t help by laugh.

“Okay, then let’s hear it,” she smiled and Nick soon launched into the song. I couldn’t help but laugh when Parker, rather than trying to sing on his own, started to lip synch his father’s voice to the best of his ability, occasionally throwing words that he knew into the mix. It was just a silly song about how much they missed her with a silly dance to accompany it but she couldn’t have asked for a better greeting after what had been a few very stressful days.

Tina laughed harder when Parker, who had clearly lost interest in the task at hand, started staring at Nick through the doorway rather than playing along with the routine.

“Parker,” came Nick’s voice, “Don’t you want to finish the song for Mommy, just like we practiced?”

“No,” was the little boy’s response and the music stopped.

“Okay,” Nick chuckled and walked into the hallway, acoustic guitar strapped to his chest, “Well let me tell you there was a very dramatic finish; there were jazz hands, some Vaudeville, with a very over the top musical crescendo.”

She smiled, “I’ll take your word for it.”

Nick pushed the little boy in her direction and after his father’s encouragement he launched himself into her arms with a warm hug.

“I miss you,” he said, his little arms wrapping around her neck.

“Aww, I missed you too,” she told him, tears coming to her eyes for more than one reason. The banner, the choreographed welcome home song, and a happy and healthy little boy waiting for her when she walked back through the door was more than she could have hoped or asked for.

“Welcome home,” Nick said and she looked up from Parker to smile at him.

“Thank you,” she said sincerely, “For everything.”

“It’s a tough job,” Nick said with a nod of his head, “but somebody had to do it. There’s no need to thank me. Now, let’s get out of the front all and into bed where you’ll be more comfortable.”

“Oh yay,” she said dryly with a roll of her eyes. The last place she wanted to be after spending the last four days in bed was in bed again.

“We have some more surprises for you,” Nick said coyly with a grin.

Parker hopped down off the chair and nodded along with his father, “Yeah, Daddy and Grandpa moved your room downstairs with the great big TV and then we made cupcakes!”

“Wow, thanks Park,” Nick laughed and picked the boy up off the ground, “You sure are good at surprises.”

“Thanks, Daddy!” Parker’s toothy grin was identical to Nick’s and his blonde hair was long enough to fall into his eyes much the same as his father.

Nick kissed the boy’s forehead then put him back down on the floor, “It’s a good thing he’s cute.”

“He’ll get by,” Tina agreed, standing from the chair, “You did okay after all.”

“He’s definitely cuter than me,” Nick scoffed, putting his hand on her back to lead her through the main floor of the house, “After all his parents are way better looking than mine were.”

“If you do say so yourself,” she joked, letting Nick lead her to his games room, “What are we doing?”

“Parker told you,” he said as he opened the door, “We moved the bedroom downstairs. This way you won’t have to worry about going up and down or about other people having to do the same.”

“But...” she contested, walking in to see that the leather couches, the arcade games, the consoles and the posters from the walls were all gone and replaced with all of the furniture from upstairs, “...what about your stuff?”

“It’s fine,” Nick waved it off, “I can play games in the living room. I moved everything down into the basement for now.”

She took stock of the room, noticing that her bookshelf was in the corner along with a very comfortable looking recliner, and Nick’s big TV was still on the wall with all the bells and whistles that fancy satellite companies could provide.

“I wanted to make sure you weren’t completely bored,” he admitted, leading her over to the bed.

“I appreciate it,” she replied honestly, climbing up onto the cool sheets with a sigh of relief.

“Good to be home?” Nick asked, lying down next to her in his usual spot.

She nodded, “Yeah… how did you know what I was thinking?”

He picked at the duvet for a moment then scooted over, wrapping his arm around her shoulders in a comforting embrace, “I know it may seem like I don’t care or that I haven’t taken the time to really get to know you but I do. I know everything about you, and I do care about you.”

“I know that,” she said honestly, having no doubt (especially after the past couple of days) that he did care for her, “You don’t have to be afraid to show me more often you know. You don’t have to be mad all the time.”

“I’m not mad,” he said and she tilted her head up to look him in the eye, “Really, I’m not. I’m... well, I guess I’m jealous.”

“What are you jealous of?” she wondered, brows furrowing.

Nick sighed and looked away briefly before coming back to her eyes, “I’m jealous of you.”

“What?” she asked incredulously, “Why on earth would you be jealous?”

“Because...” his voice was timid, “You have everything. You have seen every moment of Parker’s life, all the moments that I’ve missed. You have parents who love you enough that they would follow you to the ends of the earth if it meant that you were happy. You have friends who would drop anything to watch our son, or just come over and keep you company. I don’t have any of that. You being in the hospital was the first time I’ve ever been alone with Parker, you know that? Do you know how scary that was? I shouldn’t be afraid to be alone with my own son.”

“You did fine Nick,” she soothed his nerves, rubbing his thigh, “My mom told me that you never even asked for help. Obviously you knew what you were doing.”

“There was a lot of trial and error though. I had to go through a few tantrums just because I was trying to make him do things differently than he normally did,” he admitted, “There’s just so much about him that I don’t even know about. He’s gotten so big, and is doing things that I didn’t think kids his age could do.”

“They grow quickly,” she agreed, “Do you regret never reading any of those books your parents got you for our baby shower?”

He nodded sheepishly, “A little bit, yeah.”

“Is that why you made us move down here?” she asked boldly, feeling like she was in a position to ask some more serious questions without him blowing his top, “To try and bring me to your level?”

“What do you mean?” he asked though she knew he understood.

“You took me away from my friends, tried to keep me away from my parents, wanted to trip me up with Parker by always having us out on tour... leaving me in awkward situations like at an airport with no ride.”

Nick’s expression changed to one of surprise and she could tell at first that he was insulted but as he thought more and more about the words his face softened, “I don’t think I did any of that intentionally,” he said and she believed in his honestly, “but yeah, I think I did.”

“No more,” Tina told him firmly and watched as he nodded reluctantly, “Otherwise the next time you come home from a break it’ll be to an empty house.”

“Don’t start throwing threats around,” his voice suddenly became more serious and she knew it was time to back off.

“I’m not,” she assured him with another pat on the leg, “We love you and we want to be with you as long as you’ll have us. You just have to let us live our lives too.”

“No more being an ass all the time, I’m going to change,” Nick assured her, his hand holding hers, “I promise.”

”Good,” she replied hesitantly, having heard similar statements like that in the past, “Now, did someone say something about cupcakes?”

December 19, 2000 Tampa, Florida

The room was silent except for the sound of pages flipping. Pages from the book Tina was engrossed in and pages from the magazine that Nick was reading. It was that time of day where she normally took the opportunity to just sit quietly and enjoy herself – nap time. Parker was out like a light and they didn’t dare do anything, lest he wake up and think they were trying to have fun without him.

Nick was lying along the width of the bed, his head resting on her thigh with the magazine up in front of him. She noticed him holding the page unusually close to his face and couldn’t help but wonder what he was doing.

“You’re not asleep, are you?” she asked, wondering if maybe the magazine was just falling closer to his eyes and he wasn’t holding it there.

“No, no,” he replied, not tearing his eyes away from the page, “They airbrushed my face really weird, it’s freaking me out.”

Tina laughed, “You’re looking at pictures of yourself? What magazine is that?”

Being sure to hold his spot he flipped the magazine closed and he showed her the cover of the Teen Beat in his hands, a cheesy grin on his face, “It came in the mail, the record company sent it over. They have a bunch of pictures from the 100 Hour Tour.”

As he turned his attention back to the magazine, and the unnatural smoothness of his own face she couldn’t help but wonder how difficult it was to go at the speed he was used to and then stop so suddenly, “Do you miss it?” she asked curiously.

“Miss what?” his attention was now to the next article.

“Tour,” she clarified, “Just coming off all that promo in Asia, then the trip around the world, launching the new record... how can you stand just sitting here in this room doing nothing?”

Nick pressed the magazine to his chest and turned his head so he was facing me, “Because I did all that,” he answered, “I’m exhausted. Sometimes being bored is such a relief because it means I don’t have any obligations. Tour is hard, you know that. I don’t know that I would be able to do this for very long, sorry,” he cringed, knowing it was a soft spot since she was going to be laid up for months, “but I’m enjoying my time away from the chaos before it starts back up again in a few weeks.”

Reaching out she stroked his cheek, rough from not bothering to shave, “You would miss it, if it was gone though.”

“Yeah,” he replied honestly, sighing as she ran her fingers down the length of his jaw, “but don’t think that means I don’t miss you guys when I’m away.”

Faking a smile she pulled her hand away and went back to the book, not sure if she could reply to that statement without starting a fight. It wasn’t as though she believed Nick never thought about them when he was on tour, she just didn’t believe he missed them. There were many times when she was convinced that he was happy to leave them at the airport and get back to his ‘real’ life.

He sensed her sudden tension and sat up, facing her on the bed. He stared for a few moments before turning the magazine to a specific page, “Let’s do this silly quiz,” he said and she raised an eyebrow in his direction.

“What is it?” she wondered, knowing how girly some of those teen magazine quizzes could be since it was her and her friends filling them out only a few short years ago.

“It’s some reader submission thing,” he explained before rattling off the title, “20 Personal Questions to Ask Your Boy.”

Tina chuckled, “You plan on asking your boy any personal questions?”

“No, we’re very open and honest in our relationship,” he joked, sticking his tongue out quickly, “I’ll ask you the questions I’m sure they’re very generic though probably unnecessarily suggestive. After all, it was a bunch of teenage girls who sent them in.”

“Okay,” she played along, sitting up and dropping her book off to the side, “Fire when ready.”

“I’ll find a good one,” Nick said, scanning the large page of questions that these girls found useful in getting to know their ‘boy’, “Okay, have you ever stolen anything?”

“No,” she laughed but then stopped short, “Wait! Maybe I did. When I was in elementary school I stole a flower from the front of a flower shop. I didn’t realize they were for sale and not free.”

“I’d say that’s a big maybe,” Nick laughed, “You took something that was already depreciating; it was like stealing negative money. Alright, so you’re a huge kleptomaniac, good to know. Next question,” he paused to chuckle as he read it and I could only wondering what he was going to ask, “Are you a virgin?”

“Yes,” she answered, deadpan, “Scientists are still trying to figure out where Parker came from.”

Smiling he moved straight to the next question, “Who was your first kiss and am I a better kisser than him?”

“It does not say that!” Tina challenged with a laugh.

“It does,” he lied somewhat convincingly, “It actually says ‘Who was your first kiss and is Nick Carter a better kisser than him?’ right here on the page, I’m looking at it.”

“Jerk,” she smiled, “Every 14 year old girl’s answer would be ‘yes, he is’ just because they’d like to find out.”

He smirked cockily as if 14 year old girls wanting to make out with him was something to be proud of, “You didn’t answer the question, and I don’t mean who was the first five year old that gave you a smack on the cheek I mean serious kissing, the kind that leads to groping.”

With a sigh she silently wondered how to best answer, “Okay, you’re probably about the same as far as skill goes.”

“The same?!” he asked, mocking outrage, “Who is this guy going around pretending he is as good at making out as I am?” Tina just laughed at his antics but he continued to press, “Seriously, though, who was it?”

“What makes you think you know them? We are from different places after all,” she replied coyly, a smile still on her face.

“I’m not saying I do... wait, do I know them? How is that possible?”

“You do know them,” she answered, knowing it was going to drive him crazy even though the answer was right in front of his face.

He lost a little bit of his jovial attitude as he thought about it, and she was cautious not to take things too far because knowing how sensitive his ego could be, “You mean it’s someone I’ve met since we’ve been together?”

“You knew them before we got together,” she answered, keeping a careful eye on his expression.

He was racking his brain for the answer, she could tell by the way he was yanking on the ends of his hair, his face creased with thought, “There are only four people I knew that met you around the same time as me,” he said and when his face suddenly widened with shock she figured he must have realized who she was referring to.

“Did you make out with AJ?!” he exploded and she was about to laugh when she realized that he really was kind of upset by the thought of it.

“Calm down, Parker is sleeping” she warned him, “I did not make out with AJ.”

“Then what the fuck Baby, I don’t know what you’re talking about!”

With a frustrated sigh she threw his pillow at him, “It was you! Damn it why do you have to make things so difficult?”

“Me?” he asked, genuinely surprised, “I was the first person you ever made out with?”

“Kissed,” she clarified, “You were the first boy I ever kissed.”

This time the shock on his face was much softer, “What? Why didn’t you ever tell me that?”

“Is it important?” she wondered with a shrug, “I don’t know who the first person you kissed was. I don’t even know who the first person you had sex with was. To be honest, I don’t really care. What matters to me is who you are in my world. You were my first everything.”

“I didn’t...” he paused and she could tell he was looking for the right words, “I didn’t push you, did I? I mean, I guess I don’t get why you would meet me one night and then end up giving everything to me like that.”

“You didn’t push me at all! It wasn’t because of who you are either,” she told him off the bat, not wanting his mind to go wandering on him, “Nick... don’t you remember that week? I didn’t just say to myself ‘oh, well he’s cute I guess I’ll settle,’ you were the most romantic boy I’d ever met.”

“I was?” he asked, legitimately curious.

“Yeah,” she answered with a grin, “I won’t say I knew a whole lot about romance then, hell I can’t say I do now, but you treated me differently than anyone ever had. I wasn’t just some cute cheerleader; I was someone you could really talk to. That night on the beach, I’d never been so open with someone before.”

“Me either,” he confessed, “There were some things I didn’t even realize myself until I said them to you. About myself, about the Boys, all of it, I told you everything.”

“I know,” she reached out to grab his hand, “You told me so much more than just who your first kiss was or how old you were when you lost your virginity. You told me about your hopes and dreams, and what scared you and didn’t about life. I knew then that I was never going to find a person more deserving than you to give myself to. That was my exchange for your honesty.”

“It was a pretty good exchange,” he joked, pulling her hand up for a quick kiss.

“For you maybe, I was the one that ended up with sand up my butt,” she laughed, “At the end of that week though I knew I was ready to face life head on. Meeting you got me ready to leave home and head off to school and be amazing... just like you.”

“Meeting me actually screwed that all up,” he tried to correct but she shook her head.

“It may not have been what we’d been expecting, or what we wanted, but it’s what we got and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.”

“Me either,” he said and she knew he was referring to more than just the child sleeping in the other room but of the one on the way.

December 19, 2000 Tampa, Florida

The quiet reading environment soon turned into the perfect sleeping environment and both Nick and Tina ended up indulging in their own afternoon siestas.

It was a constant tugging on the blankets that eventually started to wake her up and she became aware of someone else in the room.

“Daddy,” she heard Parker whisper and he tugged on the blankets some more, “Daddy,” he tried again and she smiled to herself as she waited for the Nick in him to show itself, “DADDY!” he screamed and Nick bolted up on the bed, eyes wide.

“What? What’s wrong?” he asked, but Parker just grinned up from beside the bed.

“Daddy I went potty,” Parker announced to the room and Nick and Tina shared a curious glance.

“Where are your clothes?” Nick asked, reaching down to lift the stark naked toddler onto the bed.

“I dunno,” Parker shrugged as if he had just suddenly lost them.

“Where’d you go potty, Parker?” Tina decided to ask, knowing Nick probably wasn’t ready for the answer.

“In the potty chair,” the boy answered matter-of-factly.

She laughed but Nick, not knowing what that really meant just gave Parker a smile, “Good boy! That’s good right?” he asked, looking back at her quickly.

“Check his bum,” she instructed, still laughing slightly. Nick turned the boy around but all seemed clear on the cleanliness front (or back rather), “Oh darn, I was hoping I would have to make you clean up poop off the floor.”

Nick’s expression was one of disbelief and disgust rolled into one, “What do you mean? He said he used the chair...”

“The chair,” she clarified, “Is sitting on the floor in the living room.”

“What... why... I don’t...” Nick stuttered and she wondered how they had survived the last four days without using the potty chair. Clearly someone had been cheating with diapers while she was away.

“He watches television in it,” she said, reaching out to push Parker’s hand away from his genitals – an area that, much like his father, was a source of constant entertainment, “It’s so he gets used to it and likes being on it.”

“Oh,” Nick was truly stumped now, “I just thought that was his TV chair. I never really questioned why it had a lid.”

“What have you been doing the last four days?” she couldn’t keep herself from asking.

“I dunno,” the response this time came from the father and she watched as Nick’s cheeks turned various shades of pink, “I was like... holding him there at first, on the toilet, but then I realized he goes to the bathroom like every hour and a half so I just... used the night time pull ups.”

“I knew it!” she exclaimed, falling into fits of laughter at the thought of poor Nick holding Parker up over the toilet and poor Parker trying to be comfortable enough to use it.

Prompted my hysterics Parker started laughing also, not knowing why but enjoying it none the less.

“You think that’s funny, do you?” Nick smiled at the toddler then playfully tossed him onto the bed, tickling his sides and giving him raspberries on his chubby stomach.

“Daddy!” Parker was squealing with laughter and Tina couldn’t hold back her grin at watching the two of them.

“Okay boys,” she interrupted as their giggle fest came to an end, “First things first, Daddy needs to go take care of the potty chair. Then he needs to put some clothes back on Mr. Naked over there, and then, he needs to think of something for dinner.”

“Dinner!” their son announced with glee and if it weren’t already confirmed by their looks it would be undeniable that he was Nick’s son. Stark naked, playing with his penis, and thinking about nothing more than food, he was absolutely Nick’s.

“Wow, Daddy has to do everything around here,” Nick joked, sticking his tongue out at her before hopping off the bed, scooping Parker up into his arms, “By think of dinner you mean find a good place to order food from, right?”

“Yes, Dear,” she chuckled and watched the two of them take their leave. The smile fell from her face slightly as soon as she found herself alone in the room. Taking a look around at what would essentially be her prison for the next seven months, she sighed.

Feeling the urge to stretch her legs, she stood and walked to the window, moving the sheer curtains aside for a glance outside. Nick’s games room was at the back of the house, facing the patio and out to the in-law suite that her parents lived in out back. High fences surrounded the property so eager eyes wouldn’t be able to get a quick peek at Nick in his boxers, shirtless, or playing with his little boy. So far the paparazzi, when there were any, were contained to the front of the house along with the fans.

She got a chill and the hair on the back of her neck raised as she took a moment to look at the pool. Tina couldn’t believe how much had changed in the last five days. She’d nearly lost her baby, and lost her own life all because of that swimming pool. Now she was stuck around the house because of the whole situation.

“Okay, living room is clean again!” Nick’s voice broke back into the room and she turned to see him shuffle through the door with a few take out menus in his hand. He stopped short when he saw her and he glanced towards the bed, “What are you doing up? Aren’t you supposed to be lying down?”

She rolled my eyes, “How do you think I’m going to pee, or shower? I am allowed to get out of bed every now and again. I just can’t go for a run.”

“Sorry,” he mumbled defensively, “I’m only thinking about your health and the health of our baby.”

“I know,” she said, turning her attitude down a notch, “I appreciate it.”

Holding up the menus again he raised an inquisitive eyebrow, “Chinese, Mexican, or Italian?”

“Chinese,” she answered without much thought, already looking forward to an MSG laden bowl of Lo Mein.

“Should we ask your parents if they want anything?”

“Nah,” she shook my head, “They’ve probably already eaten. What did you make for Parker?”

“Grilled cheese,” Nick answered with his attention on the Chinese food menu as he scanned it for what he wanted to order.

“Did you...”

“Cut it up into quarters? Yes.”

“How did you know I was going to ask that?” she wondered, never knowing where he came up with some of the things he knew. Most times he couldn’t remember where he was let alone details like how to cut up Parker’s food.

Finally taking his eyes away from the menu, he shrugged, “I don’t know. I just figured the question was going to be about sandwiches. What do you want to order?”

After giving him the list of requests she turned her attention back to the window while he picked up the phone to call for dinner.

“It’ll be about a half hour,” Nick said as he put the phone back down.

“I didn’t forget, you know.”

“Forget what?” he asked, coming to meet her at the window.

“Out there,” she pointed her finger out the window, towards the pool, “I didn’t forget.”

Nick nodded sadly, “That’s too bad, I guess if there was anything to forget it would be hitting your head.”

“No,” she corrected him, “I don’t remember hitting my head. I remember what happened before I hit my head.”

“And what exactly happened before your hit your head?” he asked and she could sense his defenses rising.

“I broke up with you.”

Collecting the menus he had discarded by the telephone Nick made his way to the door without bothering to comment on what she’d just said. Before he left the room though, he turned back to her looking long and hard into her eyes as if he were searching for the answers.

“Well,” he finally spoke, clearing his throat slightly, “I guess I have about seven months to talk you out it.”

December 19, 2000 Tampa, Florida

Chinese food really had seemed like a good idea at dinner time.

But now that she had spent the better part of the evening praying to the porcelain god, Tina was starting to rethink the decision. Hindsight, after all, was 20/20.

Tina truly believed that the person who coined the term ‘morning sickness’ was a man. It was just too convenient a phrase to think that pregnant women just got up in the morning, got sick and went on with their days happy to be able to serve their husbands. In reality it should have been called “24 Hour Death” as to better describe what it was like to experience it.

She never got sick in the morning, and very rarely during the day. Her worst time was late in the evening. She felt like her babies wanted her starving and sleep deprived. It never failed that she would just drift off to sleep when she would wake up nauseous.

The muscles in her chest screamed as she once again heaved into the toilet, not really feeling like she had much left. She knew if she tried to drink water, or eat anything it would just make it worse.

As her body and her baby punished her for every fried won ton, every chicken ball, every bite of fried rice she was oblivious to the fact that someone else had come into the room. It wasn’t until she felt the hair being pulled off her shoulders and away from her face that she realized she wasn’t alone.

Her body heaved again and she reached back, grabbing whatever was closest to her which turned out to be Nick’s calf.

“Shh,” he whispered soothingly, one hand rubbing her back while the other kept her hair away from the toilet bowl.

“Easy for you to say,” she groaned, nails digging into the flesh of his leg with every painful muscle spasm.

Slowly the heaves started to slow down and her stomach stopped dancing. Nick pulled away from her briefly and when he came back she felt a cold washcloth against her cheek. Taking it from him she wiped her mouth and moved to sit against the wall, not overly comfortable with having her face on the toilet seat for any longer than she had to.

“Are you okay?” Nick asked, getting down on the floor with her. Luckily the tiles were heated so she wasn’t too uncomfortable sitting on the floor in just her underwear and a tank top.

“No,” she answered honestly, letting him pull her between his legs so she was leaning against his body instead of the wall.

Curling up in his arms, she rested her head on his chest comfortably and felt him kiss the top of her hair, “You know I spend an awful lot of time holding your hair while you puke considering we’ve never even gotten drunk together.”

“I’ve never been drunk before,” she admitted, eyes closing as she breathed deeply to keep her stomach at bay.

“Eh,” he shrugged slightly, “It’s not all it’s cracked up to be.”

“How would you know? I’m the only legal drinker in this relationship,” she pointed out, slightly jealous that he got to have all the fun while she was stuck at home.

Nick chuckled slightly, “Baby, I’m legal everywhere else but America and in another month or so I’ll be legal here too.”

“Lucky you,” she replied dryly with a heavy sigh, “When you get drunk you only spend one night puking your guts out. I get to spend every night for at least the next three weeks throwing up.”

She could tell he was at a loss for words because it was rare for Nick to ever be completely silent. Instead of speaking and potentially digging himself an even deeper hole he just continued to stroke her hair until she had to pull away to be sick again.

When she’d finished he once again pulled her into his embrace, trying to soothe her sore body.

“We have elbows this week,” Nick suddenly spoke and she would have given him an odd look if it weren’t so dim in the room and it didn’t hurt so much to move her head.

“Elbows?” she wondered curiously.

“The book,” he clarified without being terribly specific, “Earlier today you said something to me about how I should have read the books that my parents got for me. After dinner I was skimming through that Expectant Father one and it said in week nine your baby gets elbows.”

“I just hope it takes a while for him to learn how to use them,” she groaned, dreading the feeling of trying to sleep with little hands and feet trying to escape her stomach. When she should have been thinking about how sweet and endearing it was of him to have picked up the book and made the effort she was instead focused on the fact that he was only acting that way because he wanted something. That something, of course, being her presence in his life.

She could tell he was a little defeated when she didn’t praise his efforts but wouldn’t give in to his pout.

“Do you want to try to get some sleep?” he asked since it had been a while since she’d last been sick.

Tina nodded her head and let him help her stand up. Groaning as her head spun she took a moment to quickly rinse her mouth of the offending aftertaste. She let Nick lead her back to bed and tuck her in before he went around to his side of the bed to get settled in.

“It’s going to be really hard for me,” she spoke into the dark room and felt him shift onto his side.

“Hard to sleep?” he wondered, his voice laden with concern.

“No,” she sighed and looked blankly towards the ceiling, “Hard for me to believe that you’re not just pretending to be nice right now.”

“I’m not,” he defended but she cut him short.

“You can say that all you want, but I’ve been through this with you before. You have told me so many times that you were going to ‘change’ but it’s never lasted. You take a break from touring, you come and stay with us and you’re an asshole for a day or two then you promise up and down that you’re going to be better and different and I always believed you at first. Sure enough though, as soon as you go back on tour it’s back to the same old Nick – the real Nick. The one that can’t control his temper, can’t be told he’s wrong, can’t stand to be threatened, and holds himself up on a pedestal that no one could possibly reach. You go from treating me like a Princess to treating me like dirt. I just can’t do that forever. You say you’ve changed now but it’s going to take a lot of time for me to really believe that.”

“Don’t you trust me?” he asked and she had to be honest.

“No, I don’t trust you because you always lie.”

This was thinking this would normally be where that real Nick reared his ugly head and tell her what a terrible person she was for thinking he could ever be dishonest, but the accusations never came and he just lay silently.

“I obviously can’t convince you one way or the other at this point,” he finally spoke, “You’re just going to have to give me some time and let me show you that I can change. Baby, I want to change. I know I can be a prick sometimes but that’s just who I am, and you know that. I’m really, sincerely, going to try and tone it down because I know what hurts your feelings now.”

“We’ll see,” she whispered, rolling onto her side to face away from him. What she really wanted to say was that he knew what hurt her feelings three years ago, but it had never stopped him from hurting them.

She felt him spoon up behind her then felt his lips on her neck, “So this bed rest thing...” he began, “You can still have sex right?”

“Are you serious?”

“What?” he questioned innocently, dropping another kiss near her shoulder, “It’s a legitimate question.”

“If I’m not allowed to walk around the house why would I be able to have sex?” she asked rhetorically, shaking her head at the fact he hadn’t worked that out on his own.

“So that’s a no?”

Nodding, she reached back to pat his leg, “Sorry, that’s a no.”

“Wow,” he let out a heavy breath, “Seven months?”

“Seven months, but probably more like nine,” she confirmed.

“How far away is that exactly?” he asked.

Recalling her due date she turned back to him slightly, “July 23rd or so. Plus six weeks after birth.”

She was sure if she could see the look on his face in the dark, it would be one of shock, “That’s a really long time from now.”

Laughing, she nodded and snuggled back down into the pillow, “Hope you asked Santa for porn.”

“Of course I did, I just didn't think I was going to need it so soon,” he answered, laying his head down on his own pillow so they could grab a few hours of precious sleep before Parker got up for the day.

July 8, 2001 Boston, Massachusetts

“I’m sweltering,” Tina whined, fanning herself with her free hand while holding the phone steady against her ear with the other.

Being half way into month nine of her pregnancy was not all it was cracked up to be. She had only been allowed off bed rest a few short weeks ago which seemed pointless because all she did now was lay around in bed. It was all she could do considering how much weight she had gained and how swollen all of her extremities had become.

She heard Nick laugh on the other end of the phone which only made her whine more, “I’m sorry Baby, I know it’s hot,” he said and she could tell he was smiling.

“You made me move to stupid Florida where it’s so hot and humid and... stupid.”

He just laughed more, knowing that she wasn’t serious since he’d heard the same argument ever since the weather started to get nice in the spring, “I bet it’s just as humid here in Boston, and you know... you could always go inside where there’s air conditioning,” he reasoned and she heard shuffling in the background.

“I hate being inside all the time, I wanted to at least get some sun now that I actually can. I’m so pale I’m practically translucent; the baby has a better tan than me. What is that noise, what are you doing?” she wondered curiously, feeling the need to live vicariously through him since his life on tour was a thousand times more interesting than her own.

“Packing,” he answered and she heard more things being tossed around.

“When are you coming home?” she pouted, looking angrily down at her distended belly as she lay on a lounge chair on the patio.

“Tomorrow before your appointment,” he told her even though she knew the answer and had been asking him every day for the past month, “You coming to pick me up?”

“No,” she groaned, “There’s no way I’m going to the airport like this. There will be so many girls there and I really don’t feel like having my picture taken and posted on the internet looking like a beached whale.”

“You’re beautiful,” he told her and she didn’t believe him for a second, “Should I grab a cab then?”

“You haven’t even seen me in months,” she grumbled, picking at the nail polish on her thumb, “And don’t worry about getting a cab, I’ll send Dad down to pick you up. He can bring Parker, I’m sure he’ll love that,” Nick let out an uneasy sigh at that suggestion and she wondered what the issue was, “Do you not want my Dad to come get you?”

“It’s not that,” he explained, “I’m just not sure about Parker coming to the airport. Like you said with the girls and all, he’s not used to that.”

“He’ll have to get used to it,” she reasoned, “It’s going to be his whole life. He’s three years old I imagine he will love the attention. Plus all those girls deserve to see you gushing over your little boy. It’ll distract them from trying to make out the outline of your dick in your jeans in their pictures.”

“That’s disgusting,” he said flatly.

Tina couldn’t help but giggle, “I’m sorry but you know it’s true. Their little teenybopper faces plastered to their computer screens, hoping for a little glimpse so they can have the proof they need.”

“What proof might that be?” he questioned sarcastically and she could tell he had rolled his eyes just from his tone.

“That you’re hung like a horse.”

They both burst into fits of laughter simultaneously and Nick was about to say something when she heard a knock on his end of the phone.

“Just a second,” he said, though she wasn’t sure if he was talking to her or to whoever was at the door.

With a sigh Tina looked around the backyard while he spoke to whoever had answered. She thought she heard Brian’s voice for a moment and was about to ask Nick to pass the phone over when he came back on the line.

“Baby, I gotta call you back okay?” he asked hurriedly.

“Is everything alright?” she wondered, noticing the sudden change in his tone.

“Yeah,” he lied, “I’ll call you back.”

The conversation ended without any more goodbyes, and Nick looked up to give Brian a quizzical look.

“Was that Tina?” Brian asked and Nick nodded.

“Yeah, I’m going home tomorrow. She has her last ultrasound in the afternoon. I missed the rest of them I figure I might as well be there for the final check up before the big day, right?”

They both chuckled uneasily and Nick got the feeling things had been happening outside of his room that he was completely unaware of.

“Well, I hate to be the bearer of bad news,” Brian began nervously, “but you may have to change your plans.”

Nick was confused, not having seen anything on the schedule since they had a couple of days off, “Could you just be straight with me here? What’s going on?”

“Kevin’s going to be calling a band meeting in a few minutes I just wanted to give you a heads up because I know you had plans to go home.”

“I have plans,” Nick clarified.

Brian didn’t have a chance to contest any further before Kevin made his presence known in the hallway.

“My room,” the older man instructed, pointing to his door down the hall.

Nick and Brian shared a glance before following Kevin down the hallway to his hotel room, the youngest of the group wondering what the hell was going on.

When they walked into the suite the first thing that Nick noticed was that they weren’t alone. Two men in sharp suits, management he expected, were sitting on the couch waiting for them.

Howie was sitting in the corner gazing out the window and across the room two bodyguards looked on curiously.

“Glad we could get you all here on such short notice,” one of the suits spoke but Kevin interrupted.

“I’ll tell them,” he said, looking between his ‘brothers’, “AJ is gone.”

“What?” Nick questioned, confused, “Where is he?”

“We don’t know,” Kevin shrugged.

“It’s because you fought with him yesterday!” Nick theorized, “He probably just took off to blow off some steam.”

“We have a show tonight Nick, in case you forgot.”

“I didn’t forget that we have a show. I just mean that he’ll probably turn up before soundcheck.”

Kevin sighed and shook his head, “Listen, haven’t any of you noticed that he’s been partying an awful lot lately?”

Nick was once again quick to jump on the defence, not feeling right that they were talking about their friend without him there, “So what? We all party! He’s going through some shit let him have some fun. I can’t believe you’d go and rat him out, call management to come up here, all because you knocked on his door this morning and he didn’t answer.”

From the other side of the room Howie suddenly spoke, “I think he’s doing drugs.”

“We’ve all done drugs, big deal...”

“Nicky!” Howie’s stern voice was enough to make him stop since the other man rarely raised his voice to anyone, “Be serious here. I’m not talking smoking a little weed from time to time. I’m really concerned about him. I’m not just saying that to try and get him in trouble. I don’t know why you’re defending him when you have no idea what is going on. You never leave your room!”

Nick fought the urge to pout and do his usual whining routine, instead crossing his arms across his chest he looked between the men in the room, “He’ll be there for the show, I guarantee it. He’s fine; he’s just spending some time away from us. Starting tomorrow we’ll be off for a couple of days and he’ll feel better. I’m going home tomorrow, regardless of what he does so if I’m wrong and he’s not there tonight... you can take the cost to cancel the show off my pay cheque while I’m on my way to Florida.”

One of the suits laughed and gave Nick a quick up and down, “I’ll hold you to that, kiddo.”

July 8, 2001 Boston, Massachusetts

Nick sat nervously in the makeup chair while people moved around him making his hair and face look stage ready. His eyes kept scanning the mirror, waiting anxiously for AJ to walk in through the door.

Shortly after their meeting in Kevin’s room management had made the decision that they would go to the venue and wait for their missing band member to arrive. Nick’s guess had been that AJ would roll in the door just before sound check, but as afternoon rolled into evening he was still a no-show. They did sound check with just the four of them, they ate a quick dinner and now they were dressed and nearly ready to hit the stage but still no AJ.

“We’ll cancel,” Howie suddenly spoke to the quiet room, “All the fans know that Tina is pregnant, we’ll just say Nicky had to go... baby emergency.”

Nick just shook his head and turned the chair around so he was facing his band mates, “Yeah Howie, that’s a great idea. The only problem being that tomorrow when fans see me at the airport both here and in Tampa they’re going to figure out that there was no emergency.”

“I hate having to lie to people,” Brian muttered from his spot on a long leather couch and the four of them just continued to look between one another until Kevin spoke.

“We’ll go on without him,” the older man decided, “We’ve gone on as a foursome before.”

“Except those times we had a chance to rehearse as a foursome before we ended up on stage. Who would sing AJ’s parts?” Howie asked and Nick was about to provide his own insight when the door suddenly swung open and a very rough and tired looking AJ stumbled into the room, the hood from his black sweater pulled over his head, sunglasses firmly in place.

“Where the fuck have you been?!” Kevin’s question was the first to explode out but soon they were all talking over each other, throwing questions and accusations.

“STOP!” someone yelled loudly and they were all startled enough to look for the source.

Yvonne, their hair stylist, threw down the binder she was holding and it slapped against the countertop, “Would you listen to yourselves?! You’re acting like a bunch of cave men! Let him sit down before you start your interrogation for Christ’s sake.”

Embarrassed, there were blushed cheeks and hung heads around the room.

“Our apologies,” Brian was the first to speak to the woman, “I’m sure you can appreciate that it’s been a high stress day.”

“I think we should leave the boys alone to talk about things,” Yvonne said to the other employees in the room. It was clearly her way of saying ‘apology accepted’ without coming right out with it.

All but five men cleared out of the dressing room and there was silence as they all tried to think of a more civil way to broach the conversation.

It was finally Howie that, after clearing his throat, spoke, “You missed sound check, and dinner. We’ve been worried about you.”

“Worried?” AJ’s raspy voice said with a sarcastic laugh as he sat down, “I should have know I’d come back here and all of you would be up my ass.”

“You’re such a dick,” Kevin exclaimed but Brian was quick to shush him.

“Alex, we just want to know what’s going on,” he asked in his soft southern drawl. In the background the sound of screaming and the opening act made them turn towards the door, “and we kind of need to know now because we’re going to be late to our own show.”

“I’m going on tonight, I was just late,” AJ shrugged but none of them bought the story he was selling.

“You haven’t given a shit about this in months,” Nick finally decided to break his silence, not feeling like he needed to coddle AJ as much as the other two had been, “You sound like shit, you look like shit, and you’ve been a pathetic excuse for a co-worker. That’s what this is man, it’s a job and you need to start treating it like one. We had to hire a fucking counsellor to follow you around and live on your bus and you ignore him! You either need to be straight with us or get the fuck out. The way you’ve been acting is irresponsible and completely unacceptable.”

“Well excuse me, Kev,” AJ replied sarcastically, putting his hands up in mock defence as he moved towards the younger man, “I didn’t realize you were such a pillar of society. Here I thought you were just some fuck up teen Dad. My mistake, I guess I was stupid in thinking that I shouldn’t take advice from the moron that doesn’t even know how to get a condom on his dick before he hooks up with some groupie on spring break.”

Nick had always been more of a body fighter, something he had developed through years of being smaller than the pack. Now that he was full grown though it was like a freight train had moved through the room and tackled AJ no different than if they’d been playing football. AJ hit the ground like a sack of potatoes and before he could raise his arms as a shield Nick’s fist had connected with his cheekbone.

The younger man got a couple of good hits to AJ’s torso in before he was pulled away literally kicking and screaming by Brian and Howie.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?!” Kevin yelled, looking between the two of them. AJ was lying on the floor writhing, holding his nose protectively.

“He had no right to say that to me!” Nick defended angrily.

“You should be happy Kev,” AJ groaned from the floor, “For once it wasn’t you getting the wrath of Nick. Don’t worry about it, let the kid go,” he sat up, leaning against one of the couches with his hands still supporting his face, “I should have known better not to leave something between us to trip him up before I insulted him. You’d think I’d have learned by now.”

Just when they were about to chastise their friend for his immaturity they all heard the sniffle. AJ was now sitting in the same position against the couch but his hands, rather than cradling a sore nose, he was hiding his tears.

“Why are you crying?” Brian asked, getting down on one knee so he could better see the other man.

AJ sniffled again and waved them away, “I did just get the shit kicked out of me.”

Brian shook his head, “That’s not why you’re crying. You’ve had the shit kicked out of you before.”

AJ let out a heavy sigh and wiped at his eyes before glancing up at his sparring partner, “Nick...”

“Don’t talk to me,” Nick muttered without emotion, crossing his arms firmly over his chest.

With another deep breath in and out AJ nodded, accepting that response, “I’m really sorry guys but I can’t do this anymore.”

Before anyone could react the door swung open, their tour manager on the other side, “You guys gonna be ready to go in 20? It’s too late to cancel.”

“Give us a minute,” Kevin requested and the door was closed once again, “What can’t you do anymore Alex?”

“This tour,” AJ replied, “It’s not going to stop. I can’t make myself get to meetings or to interviews, or shows while I’m like this. It’s only going to get worse from here. I talked to my Mom last night and we agreed that maybe I should get away for a while, get some help.”

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying I’m a drunk. I’m saying that I’m really sorry. Most of all I’m saying that I’ll do the show tonight because we have to but after that... I quit. I need help.”

July 8, 2001 Boston, Massachusetts

From the very onset of the boy’s careers they had learned an incredibly valuable asset. They were opening for has-been one-hit-wonders in the early 90’s who told them that if there was any one quality they should practice it was being happy when there was nothing to be happy about.

They had years of practice to master the skill and soon regardless of illness, depression, home sickness, a broken heart, or a plain old bad mood they always plastered smiles to their faces and no one was any the wiser.

They all did the same that night. Though the tension was high when they all walked out of the dressing room it virtually melted away when they hit the stage. They were flawless in their performance to the outside eye, joking with each other, hitting all their marks. But down below, where costume changes and makeup touch-ups were fast and fervent the tension came back. They didn’t speak to one another, only muttered apologies for toes stepped on or pants misplaced on each other’s racks.

Once the show had wrapped up and they were taking their bows they relished in the cheers of the crowd all the while wondering if this would be the last time the five of them would ever be on a stage together.

As soon as they’d stepped off stage and headed back into the dressing room to get out of their stage clothes the reality of everything came crashing down. The men in suits were back as they all pushed through the door and Nick wondered what was going to happen.

“Boys,” Tony, their manager, greeted them with a forced smile and none of them bothered to return the sentiment.

“Why is all our stuff here?” Howie asked and it was then that Nick noticed his suitcases sitting in the corner of the room.

“We’re going to New York,” Tony said, perched on the back of the couch as the group looked around wide eyed, “Well, four of you are anyway. AJ is going to Arizona, we’re postponing the tour, and you’re going on TRL tomorrow to destroy your image and tell everyone why a whole slew of Backstreet Boys concerts are cancelled.”

The weight and severity of the man’s words was heavy with all of them but Nick couldn’t help but noticed they’d forgotten about one very important thing – him. All the focus was on AJ and what they were going to do about AJ that his time off had been ignored.

“I don’t want to be a prick here,” Nick said gently not wanting to step on any toes, “but I’m not going to New York. I have time off, I’m going to Florida.”

Despite speaking the words he knew that he was going to be told the same thing that he had been told his whole life when work got in the way of life – it’s just the price you pay.

Tony just smiled falsely, “Grab your bags, there’s a van coming to pick us up. It’s probably already here. The plane is waiting on the tarmac so we don’t have a lot of time to waste.”

“Hold up,” Nick pressed on; feeling like this was all going way too fast, “I can’t go to New York.”

“Whether you can, or you can’t... you are,” Tony’s voice was firm, “There’s no option here. Get your ass on the plane because regardless of your plans this is your job. Plans sometimes have to change for the sake of our jobs. I would have thought you’d know that by now.”

Without much complaint from anyone else they all grabbed their things and headed out the door towards the ride that was set to take them to the inevitable.

“Wait,” Nick interrupted again, “Don’t we even get to say goodbye to AJ? You’re just going to shove us in opposite directions?”

“It will be better this way,” the blue suit tried to explain, “If we linger on goodbyes it’s just going to be harder for him to go.”

Nick ran his hand through his hair with a frustrated tug, “This is such bullshit! Who has my cell phone? I have to call home; they’re going to be waiting for me at the airport in Tampa tomorrow.”

Tony continued to push them towards the door, “You can call when we get to New York. It’s late now anyway. You might as well call in the morning, what difference will it make?”

“This is insane,” Howie muttered and Nick turned to him with a look of desperation, hoping someone else would put up a fight so he wasn’t all alone.

“Are we seriously going to do this? Just leave our friend here in the hands of some crazy record company executives while we jet off to New York to supposedly destroy our careers?” Nick asked the other boys, his supposed brothers.

“We don’t have a choice,” Kevin groaned, obviously sick of Nick’s tirade, “This isn’t going to destroy our careers we’re trying to save them. I know it sucks and I know you wanted to go home and I’m sorry for that but we need to come first this time.”

“This comes first all the time!” Nick exploded just as they reached the van outside the venue, “I just need to call home. Give me five minutes.”

“Wait until we get there,” Brian finally spoke and Nick could tell his voice was full of emotion ready to spill over, “You’ll have a better chance to actually explain everything to her if you’re not in a hurry to get herded onto a plane. She deserves your undivided attention before you break all your promises.”

“I’m not breaking anything,” Nick mumbled, throwing his stuff into the back of the van before they all piled in.

At that point it was like someone had hit fast forward on life. They flew through the airport, were in the air before they had a chance to get a seatbelt on and after a short flight were landing in New York City. It wasn’t as simple as checking into a hotel and grabbing some sleep, though. As soon as they’d arrived they were debriefed. An entire conference room in the hotel had been booked and filled with record company employees that were all tasked with one thing: damage control.

They were coached on the best things to say and the best ways to say them, and given in extreme detail everything they were going to reveal to the press. To a degree they would still be keeping some secrets but overall they were telling the press, the fans, and the world about some of the darkest times they’d ever experienced. They were telling them about AJ and who he really was beyond a stage persona that everyone thought they really knew.

The hours ticked by, evening turned into night and night into morning. It wasn’t until the sun was rising over the New York skyline that they had been trained well enough to be considered ready to step in front of a camera.

“I need sleep,” Brian croaked and looked between his band mates sitting on the same couch, seeing that everyone looked quite similar – exhausted.

“I’m worried about AJ,” Howie admitted biting his nail nervously.

“I never want another cup of coffee for the rest of my life,” Nick added to the conversation, leaning his head back to rest on the sofa with a sigh.

Kevin, never being one to complain, simply stood and looked at the other three, “We only have a couple of hours. Let’s lay down. I’ll make sure someone gets us all up before we have to leave for press.”

“I don’t know that I can get upstairs,” Brian said with a groan and there was a collective chuckle as they all heaved their tired bodies out of chairs and off of couches to go up to their rooms before their public heard the news that was sure to change everything.

July 9, 2001 New York City, New York

Never had such a long, tiring day been so fast. It seemed as though they had barely closed their eyes before someone was there to wake the four of them up to start the daunting press junket. None of the reporters who came to the hotel that morning knew why they were there. Sure, there had been rumours flying as to why the Backstreet Boys were in New York City when they were supposed to be off for a few days, travelling to the next destination on their tour. All they knew when they walked in the door and registered their names was that there was an embargo. They weren’t to use any of the interviews they did until late in the afternoon. Particularly, until the moment TRL ended on MTV. After that, it was fair game, open season on the Backstreet Boys.

Nick’s energy level got lower and lower as the day went on. He was tired of telling and retelling the story of what had happened with AJ and what had lead them to cancel – no, postpone – the rest of the tour.

By the time they got to MTV he had repeated the same thing over a dozen times, and was not interested in rehashing the tale again. He told himself that he would just let Kevin do the talking in front of the cameras because he couldn’t risk breaking down on live television.

The only consolation was that as they travelled through the city no one was really expecting them and no one knew what was going on. Intelligent public relations people made the right choice in giving MTV the exclusive and keeping all the other media outlets to that.

The interview with Carson was exhausting, and it was painful to look at the girls in the audience weeping and inconsolable. They were acting as if they were so hurt by what had happened but they didn’t know the half of it. It disgusted Nick to look at them hugging each other and wiping away their tears when it should have been him doing that. They weren’t AJ’s friends; they didn’t love him like he loved him. It wasn’t fair that they could to express emotion for a stranger but he couldn’t cry over his best friend.

He held his breath for so long during the interview that by the time they got back to the green room he was gasping for breath. Sitting down on the couch, Nick put his head between his knees, trying to catch his breath and just have a moment to himself before someone else was poking and prodding at him.

“Hey, Nick?” he heard Howie’s voice but he ignored him, not wanting to talk to anyone right then, “Nicky?” he voice repeated.

“Nick, are you listening? Howie is talking to you,” this time it was Kevin and Nick rolled his eyes before looking up at the pair.

“What do you want?” he asked, completely defeated.

“Where’s your cell phone?” Howie asked, not acknowledging the younger man’s mood.

Nick looked around between their bodyguards, patted his pockets and shrugged, “I dunno man, why? Do you need to make a call? I’m sure someone else can help you out.”

Howie didn’t miss a beat, getting right to the point, “I have three missed calls from your brother.”

“I have one from Tina,” Brian jumped in, holding up his own mobile phone.

“Shit! I never called to tell them not to pick me up!” Nick groaned, getting up out of his seat, “Can someone lend me their phone for a second? She probably called Aaron looking for me. I need to call and explain.”

“They probably heard the news and were calling about AJ,” Brian theorized, “Then they would have known not to go to the airport to get you.”

“Right,” Nick nodded, forgetting they had just been on live television. The first number he called was the house phone, but it went to voicemail. He followed up with Tina’s cell phone but again it went straight to voicemail, “That’s weird,” he said to himself before dialling the number to the guest house, hoping to get through to one of his in-laws.

The phone seemed to ring forever before a familiar click let Nick know it had been forwarded to a cell phone.

“Hello?” a frantic voice asked, “Nick is that you?”

“Lynn? What’s going on?” he asked, wondering why they would be so anxious to reach him.

“Oh thank goodness. Did you get my messages? We’ve been trying to get you on the phone but I figured you had your phone off for the flight. I’m sorry no one was there to pick you up. I’m so glad you’re here though. You are here right? Do you need to know what floor we’re on...”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Nick interrupted, “Lynn, I have no idea what you’re talking about. I’m in New York.”

“What do you mean you’re in New York?!” her voice was shrill and Nick could only imagine the expression on her face.

“It’s kind of a long story; I’ll get into it later. Just tell me what’s going on. Is Tina okay?”

Lynn let out a big breath and Nick waited anxiously, “She’s in the hospital.”

“What?!” it was Nick’s turn to explode, “She’s not due for three weeks yet!”

“She’s not in labour yet,” Lynn clarified, “We have been waiting for you. She was making us wait for you. She woke up in the middle of the night not feeling very well; we went to the emergency room just to err on the side of caution and the doctor felt that her blood pressure was too high. He decided he wanted to induce labour but she’s been fighting it, saying you need to be here first! They’re not going to wait much longer Nick. They are giving her another hour before they plan on going ahead.”

Nick ran a frustrated hand through his hair, not able to believe that this day had just gotten worse. He was sure that prior to this phone call he had hit the bottom of the barrel, “I can’t make it in an hour.”

“We’ll try to hold off,” Lynn promised him, “but we can’t risk Tina or the baby just for you.”

“I understand. I just... really want to be there.”

“No promises, Nick,” Lynn said, her voice becoming curt, “Get on a plane.”

“I’ll be there as soon as I possibly can,” he assured her before hanging up the phone, noticing everyone standing around him staring intently, “I need to go,” he told the room and while the boys all nodded Tony laughed aloud.

“No way,” their manager said, shaking his head, “We have a lot more press to do!”

“Fuck that,” Nick said with a shrug before motioning to his bodyguard to grab his stuff, “I’m not missing the birth of my child for this. Sue me if you want, I don’t care. I’m going and you can’t stop me.”

Surprised by Nick’s resistance Tony just fell back in his seat and threw his hands up in the air, “Fine, go, and ruin your career. See if I care.”

“Forget him,” Brian said, ignoring the fact that Tony was even in the room, “Go get on a plane.”

“Brian,” Nick suddenly spoke as if the two of them were alone, “I don’t know what I’ll do if I don’t make it. I wasn’t there when Parker was born and that was really hard for me.”

Brian grabbed Nick by the shoulders, “Don’t let it bring you down. It doesn’t matter if you’re in the room at the time your child is your child no matter what. You have to love them just as much even if you weren’t in the room at the time.”

“It’s just...” Nick sighed, “You wouldn’t understand. None of you understand. They always say that those first couple of hours are such an important time for the mom and the baby to bond but they don’t talk about when the fathers get to do that. At least if I were there when the baby gets to take its first breath or opens its eyes for the first time I would have something that she doesn’t have for once.”

Not knowing exactly what to say Brian patted Nick on the back, “You better hurry then.”

July 9, 2001 Tampa, Florida

Nick pounded his thumb on the ‘7’ button anxiously, ignoring the huff of annoyance from the woman on the lift with him.

“It won’t go any faster if you keep pushing the button,” the annoyed woman pointed out, raising an over-plucked eyebrow in Nick’s direction.

“I’m quite aware of that, thank you,” Nick smiled at the woman falsely before pressing the button a few more times for good measure.

Finally the sliding doors opened and Nick practically ran through them, his sneakers squeaking against the waxed linoleum floors.

He slowed to a speed walk, checking the numbers on the doors as he searched for room 731. As he rounded the corner he saw Tina’s father sitting in a plastic chair in the hallway and he knew he’d found it.

“Did I make it?” he asked, screeching to a halt. The look on the older man’s face made it painfully obvious... that he hadn’t.

“Sorry kid, they couldn’t wait any longer.”

Nick let out a heavy breath, putting his hands on his hips to keep himself from hitting something, “She in there?” he asked, pointing to the door. Tina’s father nodded and Nick pushed the door open, not knowing what to expect on the other side.

He stared for at least a minute and she could tell from the look on his face he wasn’t a happy camper. He looked exhausted in fact, like he hadn’t slept in days.

“You look awful,” she told him, taking in his wrinkled jeans and blotchy face.

“Speak for yourself,” he shot back defensively and Tina just rolled my eyes, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that. I’m just tired; it was a long flight,”

“You did mean it,” she shrugged, “It doesn’t matter. I’m just glad you finally made it. What do you want to do first, tell me why you were in New York when you were supposed to be here or meet your daughter?”

Letting out a steady breath he repeated the last word she had said, “Daughter.”

Tina was certain she saw his face drop as if disappointed by the news, “Was that a yes or were you just trying the word on for size?” she wondered, gazing at him curiously.

“I’ll go tell the nurse to bring her round; it’s almost time for her to eat anyway,” Lynn said, putting her magazine down on the bed tray before heading for the door, “That will give you a chance to get your explanation while you’re waiting.”

After her mother’s exit, Nick walked across the room and took the chair she had just occupied, “When was she born?” he asked and Tina watched him pick at the cuticle on his thumb nervously.

“About an hour after your plane took off,” she admitted, knowing it would just upset him more to know he’d been so close to being here, “I really tried to hold off Nick, I really did. It just got to the point that the doctor wouldn’t wait, he was afraid there would be complications.”

“It’s okay,” he said but she knew he didn’t mean it, “I should have been here. Where’s the boy?”

“He’s back at the house with the babysitter. Why weren’t you?” she had to ask. She had been dying to know ever since her mother spoke to Nick on the phone what had taken him to New York instead of to his family.

Nick finally looked up, and she could see his blue eyes were tinged red, “AJ... he quit.”

“What?!” she sat up straighter in the hospital bed despite the pain it caused, “What happened?”

“He went missing for a couple of days, showed up late to the venue before the show and just told us that he was done. He’s in Arizona, in rehab.”

“I know you said he was drinking a lot more than usual...”

“It was more than that,” Nick interrupted, “It was booze, and drugs, and women. Everything was over the top, and just... too much. He said he couldn’t do it anymore, that he had a problem.”

“And, did he do all of those things alone?” she couldn’t help herself from asking and she saw anger in his face.

“How the fuck would I know who he was doing those things with. It wasn’t with me, okay?”

“Alright,” she conceded, flying the proverbial white flag of surrender, “I’m sorry. I’m still a little hormonal I guess.”

“It’s fine,” he dismissed with a wave of his hand, “So, anyway, AJ jets off to some fancy celebrity rehab centre in Arizona and we get carted off to New York to do press. It was horrible, I haven’t slept, I haven’t eaten more than a pot of coffee and a protein bar from Howie’s bag.”

“I’m sorry,” she said honestly, reaching out to grab his hand which was laying on the edge of the bed, “Want me to send my dad out to get you something to eat? I think the cafeteria downstairs is open.”

“No,” he sighed, squeezing my hand, “I’m gonna go home in a bit, grab a nap, have a shower... answer a million voicemails.”

She pulled her hand out of his quickly; surprised that after everything he’d done to get there he was going to leave so quickly.

“Come on,” he groaned, “Cut me some slack I’ve been through a lot in the last 24 hours.”

“Cry me a river,” she retorted, about to tell him about everything she had been through during that same period of time when the door swung back open and a nurse she’d never seen before came in wheeling a bassinet.

“Hello,” she said cheerfully and neither Nick nor Tina reciprocated the sentiment, “I’m Elyse, your night nurse. So, your chart says that this little beauty is being bottle fed, yes?”

“Yes,” - “No!”

Tina looked at Nick wild eyed, wondering why he would have any opinion at all since he was only concerned with getting home, “Yes! It’s easier this way.”

“It’s not supposed to be easy,” he muttered, “An entire function of your body is set up to do this; I don’t know why you wouldn’t. It’s better for the baby!”

“It’s neither better, nor worse. Each has benefits,” she tried to explain to him without getting in an argument in front of a stranger; “The fact of the matter is that it’s painful, and inconvenient. This way, considering you’ll probably be gone most of the time, my parents will be able to help me out without me having to be up at all hours of the day and night to be fed off of like some cow.”

“Do whatever you want,” he waved her off before crossing his arms across his chest, “It’s not like this is a real relationship where a couple discusses things before they make decisions. I’m sure you’ve already got her named, and have decided what college she’s going to.”

“Stop,” she said firmly, knowing the nurse had to be feeling out of place.

“I have to go,” he said suddenly, practically jumping out of his seat, “I’ll drive the babysitter home.”

“Are you kidding me?” Tina asked rhetorically, watching him run his hand through his hair. She knew he was upset, but wasn’t completely sure why, “you’re not even going to stay and hold your child?”

“Sorry,” was all he said before barrelling out the door.

“Don’t worry,” the nurse tried to console her before putting the small baby into her shaking arms, “He’ll come around. This is really stressful for them too. He’s probably just feeling a little helpless.”

Tina scoffed, “No, you don’t know him. He’s always like this.”

July 12, 2001 Tampa, Florida

“So, have you thought of a name yet?” the nurse asked with a kind smile.

Tina was about to answer to the negative when the door swung open and her parents walked in.

“Good afternoon honey,” Lynn greeted her, grinning at the nurse then her daughter and the baby but Tina didn’t buy her cheery exterior.

“Where the hell is he?” she came right to the point and the nurse cleared her throat uncomfortably.

Her mother put a hand on her shoulder, trying to be comforting, “Calm down.”

“I will not calm down,” she said, laughing at the mere suggestion, “This is my fourth day sitting in this hospital and apart from his hasty exit the other night I haven’t seen him. Hell, he hasn’t seen her! What the hell is he doing right now that is so important?”

She hummed and hawed over the answer but it was her father that finally spoke up and told her what she needed to hear, or maybe wished she hadn’t heard.

“He’s in bed.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” she said, throwing her head back down on the pillow, “Our child doesn’t have a name, he hasn’t even held her and he’s at home sleeping?”

“I don’t think he’s sleeping,” the older man clarified, “I think he’s just in bed.”

“Well go get him out of bed!” she yelled, feeling tears welling up in her eyes, “What do I have to do to get him here?”

“Dangle a cupcake?” her father asked rhetorically into the silence of the room and she glared at him.

“Stop that, please, the last thing I need is for him to have any more reason to avoid being here,” she groaned, wiping away a tear that had made its way free. She turned to her mother with a pleading look, “Could you go talk to him?”

“What makes you think he’ll listen to me? He hates me,” she pointed out and Tina couldn’t necessarily tell her she was wrong for thinking that. After all, he’d said it multiple times. To her face.

“Maybe not talk to him,” she fought for the right words to relay what she meant, “maybe have him talk to you? Find out what’s wrong. He was really excited a few days ago; I don’t know what’s changed. There’s a chance, although a slim one, that he needs someone to talk to. It’s unlike him to just lie in bed all the time. You can say all you want that he’s lazy but I’ve never known him to sit still for quite so long.”

Her mother sighed heavily and Tina could tell she wasn’t thrilled about the idea, “Okay I’ll talk to him but only for the sake of you and the children not because I’m concerned about his mental well being. What do I do if it doesn’t work?”

“Take my cell phone,” she instructed, leaning over to grab it out of the bedside table, “and if there’s no change hit speed dial three.”

“What’s speed dial three?” her dad asked, leaning over curiously to look at the phone as if the answer would be printed on the face of it.

“It will put you straight through to a house in the Florida Keys,” she told them before finally revealing the catch, “It’s the private line to his father’s office.”

Her mother raised her eyebrow, “Why do you have that number on speed dial?”

“Because sometimes...” Tina sighed, staring up at the ceiling for a moment, “he’s the only person who knows what’s going on in Nick’s head. People think it’s his friends, the other Boys, or whatever but it’s really not. They’re just as clueless as I am. Bob really knows Nick if only because they’re so alike.”

~*~

Lynn took a deep, reassuring breath before she walked into the house. She thought for sure that by now Nick would have to be up and around but instead she found Parker and the babysitter but no sign of Dad.

Parker was sitting at the kitchen table in his booster seat, colouring books and crayons spread out in front of him, “Hi Nana! Sarah and I are colouring!”

Lynn smiled and ruffled his hair, “Is his father around?” she asked the young woman, curious to know if Nick was still out of commission.

“Mr. Carter is still upstairs,” Sarah answered, glancing down at Parker quickly, “He hasn’t come out yet today. Parker was hoping he would have come down for lunch.”

“Don’t worry,” Lynn assured the girl, “He’s not going to be up there moping for much longer I promise you that.”

The older woman brushed her short salt and pepper hair back behind her ear then with conviction in her step trudged down the hall to the makeshift master bedroom where Tina had spent the past few months.

She knew Nick wasn’t really sleeping as soon as she opened the door to the darkened room. She’d seen hi m fall asleep in front of the television on many occasions and the boy was not a quiet sleeper. He snored like a motorboat.

He was laying flat on his stomach, hugging a pillow to the side of his face, eyes shut tight to the world. Lynn flipped on a light and pulled back the blankets, not caring that Nick was only in a pair of boxer-briefs and nothing else. It was nothing she hadn’t seen before. Sitting down on the edge of the bed next to him she nudged his side.

“I know you’re not sleeping,” she said loudly, watching him carefully to see if he would continue the facade, “C’mon, get up and talk to me.”

“Go away,” Nick told her without opening his eyes, the muscles of his exposed back tightening defensively.

“Not going to happen,” she told him honestly, slapping him lightly between the shoulder blades.

It was over a full five minutes of the two of them sitting in complete silence, Nick trying to avoid getting up and Lynn not backing down from her mission to get him out of bed.

With a loud groan he finally gave up the fight, flipping himself over dramatically so he could pull himself up into a sitting position against the headboard.

“There, I’m awake,” he said as if she should have been satisfied with the result.

Lynn, not entertained by his antics, just shook her head, “What’s going on? Why have you been in bed for the past couple of days ignoring everyone? You should be at the hospital with your... with Tina, and your new baby.”

Nick just shrugged, avoiding looking into the eyes of his pseudo mother-in-law.

“Not good enough Nick,” she answered firmly, getting ready to pull out the mom tone.

“I don’t have to tell you anything, and I don’t have to sit here while you talk to me like I’m some kind of child,” Nick rolled his eyes and crossed his arms across his bare chest, “I’m tired of you two always trying to control everything we do.”

Lynn rolled her own eyes and continued to try and stare him down, “Don’t try and change the subject. I’m treating you like a child because you’re acting like one. I’m not trying to make you do anything you don’t want to do. I just want to know if you’re okay. That’s all. I’m concerned about you.”

Nick was quiet for what felt like forever and Lynn was positive he’d shut off and wasn’t going to speak another word to her. As his eyes roamed around the room she was sure she saw sadness in them, and wondered what was going on in his head.

She waited until she’d had enough, and stood to leave him to his pity party but his voice, suddenly small and wavering stopped her.

“Wait...” he spoke and Lynn turned to look back at the bed.

“Are you okay?” she repeated, seeing that he was struggling to hold back what she was certain were tears.

“No,” Nick finally admitted, letting out a heavy breath, “I’ve never been less okay in my life.”

Lynn knew that she could be many things for the young man but looking at the defeat in his face, and what appeared to be the weight of the world on his shoulders she knew that being his psychologist was not one of them, it was just too daunting a task. So instead of pushing the issue she moved to rub his back, and reached into her pocket for Tina’s cell phone.

July 13, 2001 Tampa, Florida

Nick always had a very close relationship with his father, and a connection like no other. He was close with both his parents, of course, and he came from a very loving family; a very touchy-feely group of people. But there was just something about the way he and his dad interacted with each other that was different from his mother and his siblings. Perhaps it was because he was the first son into the family, he wasn’t sure.

It was the wee hours of the morning when his dad finally arrived but when Bob Carter walked into the bedroom Nick wasn’t afraid that he was in trouble, or worried about what his dad would say. He was relieved to see the face of the man he knew would help put him on the right path. It was just something his dad knew how to do.

His father looked exhausted, probably his fault for making him haul ass to get to Tampa at the drop of a hat. Nick said nothing, just watched from the bed as his dad made his way through the room then sat down on the comforter next to him.

“What’s going on, kid?” Bob asked, reaching out to brush Nick’s hair off his forehead.

Nick sniffled, his emotions ramping up just from his dad’s presence, “I dunno.”

“I think you do know,” the elder man countered, “and the way it looks from the outside isn’t good. I remember having a conversation with you the day you came home and told us about Tina being pregnant. We told you that you had responsibilities and it was time to start acting like a man and owning up to them. From what we all can see right now you’re avoiding those responsibilities. How is lying in bed all day sulking being any help to Tina and your new baby girl right now?”

Nick’s cheeks blushed red with shame and he sat up against the headboard, looking at his dad sadly, “That’s not what I’m trying to do... I just got so mad. I thought it would be better if I stayed out of the way.”

“Why were you mad? What was there to be mad about, your baby was just born.”

“I wanted to be there,” Nick sighed heavily and wiped his hands over his tear filled eyes, “I wanted to be there so bad. I changed my whole schedule so I could be there and she had the baby while I was on the plane.”

Bob shook his head, “Nick, she could not have controlled that happening.”

“I know!” he cried out in frustration, “I know. It just hurt a lot because it happened for the second time. If AJ had just shut his mouth and not decided to go to rehab at the same time that I was supposed to be on a plane then I would have been there to see my kid being born, but I wasn’t. Instead I was working. I’m always fucking working!”

Bob moved on the bed so he was sitting next to Nick and lovingly wrapped an arm around him, letting his son rest his head on his shoulder, “So who are you really mad at here?” he asked, “Tina, for having the baby early. AJ, for deciding he needed to get help. Or are you mad at yourself?”

“All of the above,” Nick replied, crying a little harder, “But probably mostly me.”

Bob ignored the tears staining his t-shirt and rubbed Nick’s back, “I’m still really confused here, Nicky. I don’t understand why I got called up here because you wouldn’t get out of bed. I understand you’re sad about AJ, and about missing everything that happened here, but laying in bed won’t change what’s waiting for you outside of this room. You haven’t even held your daughter, don’t you care?”

“Of course I care, she’s all I can think about,” Nick admitted, “and I felt really bad about leaving but when I saw her and I realized that she was real... I just couldn’t breathe.”

“Why? You’ve held a baby before, I don’t understand.”

“Because...” Nick whispered, settling in further into his father’s consoling arms, “she’s a girl. I don’t know what to do with a girl. I won’t know what to do with a girl when Tina leaves me.”

Bob looked down at Nick, surprised, “Tina isn’t leaving you!”

“Yes she is!” Nick challenged, nodding his head, “She told me she was going to leave me. She hates me! She doesn’t want to be with me anymore. And that’s fine, but if she’s walking out the door they’re not going with her. I made my mind up about that, months ago. I really thought it was going to be another boy though, and that would have been easier. I don’t know if I can raise a girl on my own, on the road...”

“Acting the way you are right now, like a little boy, is not going to make Tina stay with you,” Bob was honest in his assessment of the situation, “You need to start acting like a grown up. Women want a man who is able to provide for them in more ways than just putting a roof over their head. They want a man who can be a father, and a husband. You can’t be either of those things if you keep acting the way you’re acting.”

“You’re not here,” Nick said defensively, his hands playing with a loose thread on the blue and brown bedspread, “You don’t see how she acts. She’s so unreasonable sometimes and I can’t take it!”

“There’s always going to be times you disagree,” his father clarified, “and there needs to also be times where you admit you’re wrong even when you really believe you’re right.”

Nick pulled away from his Dad, looking confused, “But that makes no sense at all! Why, when I know I’m right, would I tell her the opposite? Just to make her shut up? That’s stupid.”

“You have to make sacrifices to make a relationship work,” Bob told him from experience, “and if that’s the biggest sacrifice you ever have to make then you’re a lucky man.”

“She said she was going to leave me. I tried to change her mind but she just told me again that we were over. She broke up with me when she was pregnant but she stayed because of the bed rest thing.”

“If she really wanted to leave,” Bob stressed, hoping Nick would get the point, “She would have left already. She is testing you. She wants you to be a better person and give her a reason to stay.”

Nick thought about what he was saying and although he really didn’t believe there’d been anything wrong with his behaviour, it was just his personality after all, he considered giving it a try for the sake of both Parker and the new baby.

“I don’t think Tina will want to talk to me after this.”

“She does,” Bob assured him, “She’s worried about you. She is the one that sent her mother over here to talk to you. Her mother told me a lot of things by the way and I really am not impressed with some of the stories of how you treat them. Did your mother and I teach you nothing about respecting your elders?”

“Why do I have to respect people that I don’t particularly like? They treat me like I’m some dumb kid but I’m the one paying their bills.”

Bob chuckled sarcastically, “You’re acting like a dumb kid right now. Do you know everything they do for you and for your family? A lot... and it goes unappreciated, so I don’t blame them for treating you that way. Nicky, I know I have told you this a million times but, you get what you give. Remember that for a change. It’s okay to be sad about AJ, and it’s okay to be upset with not making it in time for the baby but life is going on without you. You need to get out of this bed, have a shower, shave that shit off your face and get this room back in order because Tina is coming home with the baby today. You have an incredible amount of making up to do and you better start right now. Don’t forget that you have to make up to Parker for the last few days too because he has sat downstairs every day wondering why his dad doesn’t want to see him.”

“He has?” Nick’s voice was laden with surprise, “I didn’t know that.”

“He has,” Bob confirmed, “Because he’s your son and he loves you. You want to be treated like an adult? Stop playing house and start living real life. I don’t want to have to get on a plane every time you have a crisis. I told you a long time ago that if you were going to sleep around then you’d better be prepared to suffer the consequences. Well Nick, these are the consequences and you have to suffer a little.”

His father’s words hit him like a slap to the face, but they were a wakeup call none the less. He had been an ass, there was no denying it.

“I’m sorry,” Nick whispered honestly.

“Don’t tell that to me,” Bob told him, giving him a loving slap on the shoulder, “Tell that to Tina.”

July 13, 2001 Tampa, Florida

Nick took a deep breath, collecting his thoughts before he began to speak, “I know that words will never make up for my actions over the past couple of days. Sorry may seem like just a word but I really mean it when I say I’m sorry. I don’t know what I can do to make it up to you but I promise you that I will do whatever it takes. My promises may not mean very much to you but I plan on keeping them. I plan on changing all of the stereotypes I’ve given myself, and showing you that I can be a better person for you and for our kids. I love you.”

Silence was his response and Nick dropped his head, looking down into the bathroom sink. He had gone over at least four variations of the same speech, practicing them all in front of the mirror. He wasn’t sure which one he was going to use, if any of them, or if he would actually be able to follow through once Tina was standing in front of him.

With a sigh he looked back into the mirror and started putting shaving cream on damp his face so he could get rid of the ‘shit’, as his father had called it, that had accumulated over his days lying in bed.

He was in the zone, carefully working on the skin above his lip when a sharp knock on the door made him jump.

“Fuck,” he muttered, seeing that he’d nicked himself and it was now bleeding, “One second,” he said to the door grabbing a piece of toilet paper to stop the bleeding before walking the short distance to the door.

Swinging it open he was surprised to see Tina standing on the other side. Not knowing what to say he shifted from foot to foot, hand still on the knob.

“What are you doing home so soon?”

“Are you disappointed?” she asked, arms crossed firmly across her chest as she took him in. He was dressed in only a towel, which was secured tightly around his waist, and had shaving cream covering most of his face which was now dripping down his neck, “Your dad told me an hour ago that you were in the shower. I thought maybe you’d drowned.”

“I just wasn’t expecting you until later on,” he clarified, “Have you been out here long?”

Tina shook her head, pushing her hair behind her ears, “No, maybe a minute or so.”

‘Thank God,’ Nick thought, having been paranoid that she had been standing outside of the door while he was practicing all of his speeches.

“You’re...” Tina pointed at his face and sighed, “You’re bleeding.”

“Fuck,” Nick muttered for a second time, moving back into the bathroom to look at himself in the mirror. He had cut himself pretty good with the razor so he put more pressure on it in the hopes that it would clot faster.

Tina moved into the bathroom after him and picked up his razor off the vanity, “Do you want some help?”

Nick stared at her, slightly unnerved by the request, not really knowing why she was acting so nice when she should hate him.

“I’m not going to slit your throat or anything, I’m not that vindictive,” she said with a chuckle but he didn’t know if he believed her wholeheartedly, “You obviously aren’t doing a very good job so I thought I might be able to help you out.”

Though he was still curious of her intentions, Nick nodded, “Alright that would be great, my hands are a little shaky today to be honest.”

Built in between the double sinks was a small area for a guest to sit and do their makeup. Tina pulled out the chair and motioned for Nick to sit so he would be at a decent height for her to see and reach his face properly.

Tilting his head she held the razor steadily, making an experienced stroke over his cheek before leaning over to rinse the razor out in the sink, which Nick had filled with warm water.

“You’ve done this before, I take it?” he asked curiously.

“Shh,” Tina said, tilting his head again, “Don’t talk. You don’t want me to cut you, do you?”

Now he was officially nervous. He didn’t think that she was going to kill him (intentionally) but he couldn’t help but feel his blood pump a little bit harder every time she made a pass over his jugular.

“I’m kind of glad I have you in this position,” Tina suddenly spoke, slanting Nick’s head up so she could shave under his chin, “I was hoping I would have to come up with some way to get you to shut up so I could talk but it seems as though you did all the work for me.”

Nick said nothing, only listened as she continued.

“I know just what you’re going to say to me and I don’t want to hear it. I don’t want to hear about how sorry you are and how you want to make it up to me, how you’re going to be a better person and you’re going to start keeping your promises...”

She had hit the nail on the head. That was almost exactly what he had planned on saying, in all four versions of the speech. Clearly it was not the first time he had tried that approach before.

“I’m tired of your lies...hearing you say one thing and do the opposite. I’ve had a lot of time to think over the last couple of days and I realized something...”

Regardless of the position of the razor against his throat Nick turned, “Please don’t leave me.”

“Shh!” Tina stressed again, pushing his head back, “I’m not going to leave you. Not yet, anyway. The more I sat around waiting for you to come back to the hospital the more I realized that I have put way too much expectation into you. You have some very significant flaws. I know I’m not perfect by any means but you keep hurting me even when you say you’re not trying to. But as much as I want to just walk away, I can’t. I’m in too deep now, and when I think about being on my own or trying to start over, looking for someone else...”

He cringed, not wanting to think of her out looking for other men.

“I just can’t bear the thought. The more I think about you the more I realize that despite all of those flaws your good really does outweigh your bad. For every time you’ve hurt me I remember a time you’ve loved me, and our family. I remember how excited you were the day you were supposed to get here and I know there are a lot of things you wish you could take back. I can’t hate you if we’re going to make this work.”

Tina rinsed the razor for the final time then grabbed a towel from the bar next to her, using it to wipe his face clean of any extra shaving cream.

“So, does that mean...” Nick began to speak but was again interrupted.

“I’m not done,” Tina told him, “I have to get to the conclusion. To sum everything up I spent four days hating you only to realize I love you too much to leave you. But if you want me to stay I’m going to need something from you so that I’m protected. So that should the day ever come that you do something that can’t be forgiven then the kids and I will be okay.”

“Whatever it is, I’ll do it. I love you,” Nick told her without another thought, reaching up to grab her hands once she’d dropped the towel on the vanity.

Knowing he wasn’t going to like her response at all, Tina grinned slightly, “Marry me.”

July 13, 2001 Tampa, Florida

“Say something,” she demanded looming over him, “Goddamn it, SAY SOMETHING!”

Nick looked up from his seated position, opening and closing his mouth as he fought for the right words, “You know how I feel about this...”

“No! I don’t know how you feel about anything!” Tina was yelling irrationally, her voice echoing off the walls of the large bathroom.

Nick tried to control his breathing, tried to keep his temper at bay because he knew it would be the wrong time to let himself get worked up, “I told you... back when we decided that we would get together for Parker... that I don’t believe in marriage. My feelings on that subject have not changed.”

Her hormones still out of whack, Tina was reduced to tears, “I can’t believe you. You are so selfish!”

“You’re being irrational! I’m not being selfish! Lots of couples are together without getting married! You’re obsessed about having a ring on your finger,” Nick complained.

“Don’t you realize what you’re telling me? You’re denying me an outlet to legally protect myself and my children if things between us don’t work out.”

“Our children,” he corrected her sharply, feeling somewhat vulnerable still sitting in just a towel, “So this is all about money? You’re concerned about the paycheque at the end of it all? You want to marry me so I’ll sign some pre-nup. Then you can sit back and wait for me to fuck up so you can collect at the end of the day?”

Tina shook her head, pushing her bangs away from her eyes, “You don’t get it, do you?” she asked with a heavy sigh. Slowly she moved to sit in his lap, straddling either side of his hips. Tina moved her fingers through his hair, wishing she knew what was going through his mind. Feelings his hands coming to rest on her thighs she sighed again, “No matter what happens I will always be tied to you. There’s no walking away for me. So you have the advantage of knowing that I can’t go anywhere. The two little people downstairs waiting for us will always be your kids, and I will always be their Mother. You, on the other hand, could walk away whenever you want and never look back.”

“I wouldn’t do that!” Nick contested, but he was starting to see what she was getting at.

“You can,” Tina countered, “All I’m asking is for a little security. I want to know that when you go away on tour all the little girls will see the ring on your finger and remember that you’re Nick Carter, father and husband instead of Nick Carter, playboy. Don’t bother trying to tell me it’s not like that, because you’ve already admitted to cheating. You have all the power. You hold all the cards right now, I’m just asking you share a little of it so we can have something mutual. If you want to start keeping your promises the first one you can keep is the ‘I’ll do anything’ promise. If you’ll do anything then that includes what I’m asking of you.”

Nick considered her for a moment, his fingers running idly over the fabric of her sweat pants, “Nothing big, no ceremonies or anything. We’ll just go to city hall,” he finally said and Tina launched herself at him, hugging him tightly.

“Thank you Nicky, thank you so much,” she breathed, kissing his cheek soundly. She fought back the urge to squeal and instead just squeezed him as hard as she could despite the belly left from her pregnancy.

Nick rubbed his hands up and down her back, not feeling quite as excited about the whole thing as she was, “Baby, I can barely breathe.”

“Sorry,” Tina chuckled sheepishly, loosening her arms. After a quick kiss she got up out of his lap, “I’ll let you get dressed and I’ll go get the baby. We still need to think of a name.”

“Look, I know you didn’t want me to say anything or whatever but I really do need to apologize. If an apology to her meant anything I’d say it to her. I just... had a really bad couple of days and things just kind of came to a head.”

Tina nodded, considering his words, “I won’t pretend that I understand but I’ll accept it, and I accept your apology.”

When Parker had been born it took close to a full day before they could decide on a name. Neither had spent much time thinking about different possibilities and Nick was a firm believer that you couldn’t name a baby without first having looked at their face. He didn’t know how you could pick a name without knowing whether they looked the part. His parents decided he was a Nickolas because he looked like a Nickolas, not because they wanted him to be one.

So as Tina passed the sleeping baby carefully into his arms for the first time he slid off her tiny pink cap and pulled the blanket back so he could get a good look at her perfect little face.

“She’s beautiful,” he said, feeling the bed dip as Tina sat down next to him.

“Everyone says she looks like you,” Tina commented, feeling a huge weight off her shoulders seeing Nick hold the baby. It had been stressing her out for four whole days and now she could put that piece of her anger behind her.

“Except a girl, you mean,” Nick chuckled, rubbing the back of his finger over the baby’s sleep reddened cheek.

“Yeah,” Tina agreed, watching him carefully. He didn’t have the same nervous, worried tension that he had exuded the last time he was meant to be in this position. He was acting as if nothing had happened, “So... a name?”

“Right,” Nick said with a nod, “Do you want to do what we did last time until we find something we like?”

“You go first.”

“Brooke,” he called out and Tina took a moment to consider it before shaking her head.

“Don’t like it,” she told him before considering the baby, “Victoria.”

Nick cringed, “No, I don’t like that at all... how about Layla?”

“No, all I can think about is the song when I hear that,” Tina sighed and thought about some of the names she had been considering in the hospital, “Lucy?”

“Lucy Carter,” Nick let the words roll off his tongue, trying it on for size. He watched the baby’s face as he repeated the name, wondering if she would like it. “I dunno...”

“Nick we need to decide on something, the name on her birth certificate is ‘Baby’ and I don’t know that anyone other than Jennifer Grey can get away with that name.”

He chuckled at her Dirty Dancing reference, eyes still on the baby, “Zoey,” he finally spoke, looking up to Tina for her opinion.

“I love it,” Tina said immediately, noticing that as soon as Nick had said the name the baby opened her baby blues and started looking up at him, “And I think she does too. So now I get to pick the middle name... Nicole.”

Nick smiled at her suggestion and nodded, feeling a little bit like he’d just been given a special connection with the new baby that he was looking for. Even if it was something as simple as a middle name, he would take it, “Zoey Nicole Carter... you’re perfect and so is your name. How would you like to officially meet your brother?”

“I’ll go get him,” Tina smiled and leaned over to kiss Nick’s cheek.

As soon as they were alone Nick lay the baby down on the bed and unwrapped the swaddling blanket from her small body. He did a quick check, making sure all of her fingers and toes were exactly the way they were supposed to be. Zoey fussed slightly so he wrapped her back up in the warm blanket and drew her back into his arms. Leaning down he kissed the baby’s cheek and smiled, “I’m so sorry you ended up with a Dad like me. I’m never going to be perfect and I will do my best to make it up to you, but I won’t make you any promises because I can’t keep them. The only thing I can swear is that I will love you as long as I’m living.”

He stopped talking as soon as he heard Tina and Parker in the hallway, smiling when they both came into the room.

“Daddy!” Parker cheered with a toothy grin and they shushed him lest he disturb the baby.

“Hey buddy,” Nick smiled, using his free hand to help pull Parker onto the bed. The thing that made him the most grateful about children was that they didn’t yet know how to hold a grudge. He had been an asshole, had essentially ignored Parker in the same house yet the boy was still elated to be next to him.

Parker stood on the bed, leaning over his Dad’s shoulder, “That’s my sister,” the little boy said and Tina and Nick both chuckled.

“It sure is,” Nick nodded, “This is Zoey.”

“You’re a good baby,” Parker told the little bundle, reaching out to gently touch her arm.

Nick grinned, “She is a good baby. You’re her big brother so now you have to look after her when you guys get older. Do you think you can do that?”

Parker rested his head on Nick’s shoulder and nodded, “Yeah.”

Wrapping his arm around the little boys legs Nick pulled him close, feeling more at peace with both of his kids in his arms than he had in four days.

September 02, 2001 Tampa, Florida

With a smile Tina checked the precious cargo in the backseat, seeing that both Zoey and Parker were fast asleep from the drive home.

She had been out shopping for the better part of the day, needing to stock up on a bunch of things in preparation for a big Labour Day cookout they were hosting. Nick had invited Howie and his girlfriend as well as a few of their friends over for a barbeque, conveniently timed with Tina’s parents spending the long weekend in Ohio.

Without her mother around Tina had ended up taking both kids to the store with her since Nick had still been fast asleep in bed when she’d left in the morning. It wasn’t too much work, just a bit of a hassle to always having to stop to feed the baby or bring Parker to the washroom.

She started to feel uneasy as she approached their home, noticing an awful lot of cars parked in the driveway. Either Nick was taking the day to wash his car collection or there were people over to the house already. Howie and company weren’t supposed to arrive until the next day and everyone else lived close by so it didn’t seem likely that people were arriving a day early.

As she pulled up to the gate and punched in the security code she realized that there was no way she was going to get back into her parking spot because of the oversized SUVs that were badly parked across their circular drive.

“What the hell...” Tina muttered to herself, pulling out her cell phone. She hit the first speed dial, letting the phone ring in the house and eventually go to voice mail, “Pick up the phone Nick,” she sighed then hit the second speed dial to call his cell phone.

It rang several times but just before the phone switched over to the voicemail he picked up, “Hey Baby, what’s up?”

“Hey Baby, what’s up?” she repeated sarcastically, “Um, what’s up is that there’s a bunch of cars at our house so I’m just wondering what to expect when I walk through the door...if I can get to it.”

He was silent for a few moments and she heard him let out a grunt of annoyance, “Don’t start this right now. Why’d you call me?”

Tina kept her eyes straight forward and took a calming breath, “Can you please come out front? The kids are asleep, I have a ton of groceries to bring in and I need you to park my car because I don’t know where I should put it.”

“Yeah,” he replied testily and the line went dead. She knew just by his macho, pompous tone of voice that he’d invited his guy friends over to talk shit about women, play pool, and mess around in the house. He always had something to prove in front of them, he never realized that he didn’t need to because he was the one with the house, and the cars and the money and they were the leeches.

Stepping out of her air conditioned BMW station wagon Tina immediately felt the weight of the air’s humidity against her. This type of weather was one of the many reasons she never wanted to move to Florida. Sure it got humid in Cleveland but it was rarely 90 degrees in September.

After a few moments the front door swung open and Nick walked out, his flip flops slapping against the concrete. He was shirtless, wearing just a pair of swim trunks low on his hips and a ball cap with the brim set to the side.

“Don’t be pissed,” was the first thing out of his mouth as he rounded the front of the vehicle.

Tina raised an eyebrow, “Why would I be pissed?”

Nick chuckled sarcastically, taking a quick glance into the car at the children, “Because I know you and you’re going to walk in the house and get all mad that I didn’t ask you before I invited people over.”

“You know we’re having people over tomorrow right? People that you invited...”

“These are different people,” he clarified, “I didn’t invite them tomorrow because they’re not couples. Tomorrow is our mutual friends. Today I wanted to hang out with some of my other friends.”

“Your single friends,” Tina said more as statement than question as she moved to open the back hatch where the groceries were.

“Yes, my single friends,” he said, following her behind the car.

Tina started filling his arms with bags without any regard for how heavy they might be, “And did your single friends bring single girls?”

Nick shuffled from one foot to the other which was more than enough answer for Tina, “Ok, so there are a couple of girls, it’s no big deal.”

“No big deal?” she repeated him for the second time, “It’s painfully obvious that you’re already drunk and it’s early afternoon. So you have a bunch of drunken guys in our house trying to hook up with some sluts they invited over so it wouldn’t look like a sausage party? That’s kind of a big deal Nick because we have children that are going to be asleep, and I doubt your friends are going to be very accommodating to the noise level.”

“You haven’t even met those girls how can you call them sluts?” Nick asked but knew it was the wrong part of her speech to focus on when Tina’s eyes went wide with what he was sure was rage.

“I really wish you had just run this by me.”

“I don’t need your permission,” he shrugged, idly looking at the groceries that filled the paper bags, “Now come on, let’s get this stuff inside, get the kids down for a nap and then you can come out back with us. You know some of the people here.”

Tina just stood silently, giving him the evil eye.

Nick let out a heavy sigh and rolled his eyes, “I’ll ask them to be quiet and I swear the first girl that tries to hit on me I’ll throw them all out.”

She knew it was a losing battle given that Nick would just use his ‘I own the house’ defence against her so she finally relented, “Alright, just help me get this stuff put away. I’ll grab the kids.”

“I love you,” he smiled cheekily, walking with the groceries back to the front door.

Nick hadn’t really kept up his end of the bargain. She was never much of a jealous person; it was just not in her nature. With Nick though, he inspired jealousy in people. At first Tina had sat at a table with the baby monitor and watched as everyone messed around in the pool, including Nick. Everyone seemed to be leaving him alone when he was swimming; it was when he was out of the pool and sitting in a lounge chair that the wolves went in for the attack.

She couldn’t stand watching them flipping their hair and pushing their barely covered boobs in his direction as they talked – no, giggled – to him. Annoyed, she got up to get a drink then went upstairs to check on the kids to make sure they were still sleeping.

The window in Parker’s room was open for some reason, letting all the air conditioning out. Tina moved to close it but as soon as she heard talking, she paused. The little boy’s room faced the back of the house so what she was listening to was the commentary from downstairs by the pool.

“Yo, dude,” one of Nick’s friends spoke, “You gotta ditch the old lady.”

“What do you mean?” Nick wondered.

“Your girl,” the other man explained, “All she does is sit there and watch all of us. It’s kind of creepy.”

“That’s your girlfriend?” a female voice asked, clearly surprised, “Isn’t she kind of fat?”

Tears sprung to Tina’s eyes at the suggestion. She had always been a thin person, and she would go back to being one, but for now she had been struggling to get rid of the left over belly from having Zoey.

She waited for Nick to come to her rescue and was relieved when he did.

“Shut up, she just had a baby like two months ago, she looks great,” Nick said defensively and Tina peeked out the curtains to see him standing at the edge of the pool.

“Baby or no baby, she’s boring,” his friend shrugged and swam off to the other end of the pool. This time Tina didn’t hear him defend her, or even say anything in response. He just slipped his sunglasses back on and settled onto his chaise lounge.

Tina tried to silence her sobs as she slid down the wall opposite Parker’s bed, her hand covering her face. It wasn’t the insult itself that had hurt her feelings; it was the truth behind it. She had used to be a fun person who loved parties, and hanging out with friends. But now, with no friends to be found that weren’t related to her and two giant responsibilities always on her shoulders she had become a bore. Nick somehow was absolved from being boring, probably because of his celebrity status, but she was no one. She had gone from happy, fun, carefree Tina to Nick Carter’s boring baby mama in just a few short years, and it pained her to think about it.

September 02, 2001 Tampa, Florida

Taking a deep cleansing breath Tina wiped her eyes one more time. It had been probably 15 minutes since she had overheard the conversation down by the pool and she was now trying to talk herself into leaving Parker’s bedroom. She didn’t want to go back down there because she was convinced that she couldn’t move in her own house without strange people judging her, and she hated that.

One more deep breath for reassurance and she walked out of the bedroom and straight into someone else in the hallway.

“Oh!” Tina exclaimed in surprise, quick to close Parker’s door so he wouldn’t get woken up by the noise.

“I’m so sorry! Are you okay?”

Wes, a tall, ginger haired man, was one of Nick’s closest non-celebrity friends and had been for years. He had been his confidante when everything had unravelled with Tina three years ago, and was a fairly regular visitor to the house when Nick was around.

“Yes,” Tina chuckled slightly, “You just startled me. I didn’t expect anyone else to be up here.”

“I was headed to the restroom,” Wes explained and the statement unnerved Tina slightly.

Looking towards the stairs then back to the man she looked confused, “There’s two downstairs, as I’m sure you know. Just off the kitchen and...”

“Right,” Wes interrupted with a nod, scratching his head quickly, “I know where they are. To be honest I came in the house and I heard you crying up here.”

“How long have you been in the hallway?”

He looked at her sheepishly, “A couple of minutes, I guess. I wasn’t sure if something was wrong but at the same time I didn’t want to interrupt in case you just wanted to be alone.”

“Nothing’s wrong,” Tina dismissed him with a wave of her hand, “Do you need me to show you where the bathrooms are again?”

Ignoring her question Wes directed his gaze down to the end of the hallway, “Can I see the baby?”

Tina suddenly felt slightly uncomfortable being alone with Wes. She liked him well enough but she just couldn’t understand why he would be sitting out in the hallway listening to her cry, or why he would even be interested. He was giving off a strange vibe that she didn’t like, but as much as she wanted to just escort him back downstairs to the party her manners always managed to win her over.

“She’s sleeping, but, sure,” she nodded reluctantly, leading him down the hallway to the nursery where Zoey was napping.

Not wanting to turn on an overhead light and potentially ruin a perfectly good nap Tina hit the crib light, illuminating the baby in a soft glow and treating her to a few lullabies at the same time.

“Aww, she’s so adorable,” Wes smiled and Tina returned the sentiment, both of them looking over the side of the crib.

“Yeah she’s a pretty good baby,” Tina told him in a quiet voice, “She is finally starting to sleep through the night so Nick isn’t up and down all night.”

“He gets up with her?” Wes was clearly surprised to hear that piece of information.

Tina nodded, “Yeah, that’s our deal. I take care of them all day, he lets me get some sleep during the night and he gets to sleep in the next day.”

“She looks a lot like him.”

“She does,” Tina agreed, having heard that from every person that had laid eyes on the child. She truly believed that most people saw what they wanted to see in the baby, which were Nick’s striking features. When she looked at the baby she could see herself there and she thought that as Zoey aged she might start to look more like Mom.

Wes cleared his throat nervously and turned to Tina, “That must be hard for you.”

“Why?” Tina questioned, clearly confused, “She’s his daughter.”

“To spend every day looking at two replicas of the man who treats you like a second class citizen...”

Wes moved forward, his hand coming to rest on Tina’s elbow and she yanked her arm away, “You’ve been drinking all afternoon. I think you need to go back downstairs and back to the party,” she told him, not sure what he was planning to do.

West, considerably larger than her, continued to press forward until she found herself stuck between the wall and the crib. Taking a quick look to make sure the baby was still asleep Tina pressed her hand against his chest to push him away.

Taking it to mean something else he put his hand over hers, “It’s so difficult for me to be here when Nick’s here and not let on that we have this connection.”

“What connection?” Tina asked in all seriousness, “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I really think you should go back downstairs.”

“What do you mean ‘what connection’?” he chuckled, “We have this intense chemistry and it’s undeniable. I know the only reason you’re with Nick is because of the kids.”

“That’s not true,” Tina defended, wishing she had some kind of way out of the corner, “I love Nick. I’m with him because I love him and I love our children.”

It was now Wes that looked confused, “But you’re always sending me these signals! You’re always inviting me over for dinner, or asking me to come help you with things...”

“Because you’re Nick’s friend!” she clarified, “I’m just trying to be polite.”

“I’m in love with you,” Wes boldly declared, his hands moving to cup Tina’s face and she tried to pull away.

She tried to turn away from the man and free herself from his grasp but he was holding too tightly. If it weren’t for the sleeping child she would have called out when Wes suddenly leaned forward and kissed her.

“Stop it!” Tina snapped, turning her head away again, “Get out of here! Get away from me!”

A noise distracted them both and Wes quickly pulled away as they realized it was footsteps on the stairs then down the hallway.

Tina was still standing frozen in the corner when Nick walked into the room, sending a curious glance between the two of them then down to the crib.

“What’s going on?” he asked, keeping his voice low as to not wake the baby.

“Nothing,” Wes said so quickly it was clear he was nervous, “Tina was just introducing me to little Zoey here.”

Nick nodded, his eyes still cutting back and forth between the two adults, “Right... well she’s not much for conversation yet so how about you chat with me for a bit?”

“Well...” Wes stalled as he walked towards the door, “We probably shouldn’t leave everybody downstairs alone. They’ll probably trash the place while you’re not looking.”

Nick smiled and shook his head, “It’s no worries, man. I sent them all home. It’s just you and me.”

Tina watched carefully as the two men walked from the room. As soon as the door had been shut she let the breath of air she’d been holding for the past minute out with a whoosh. She put her hand over her fast beating heart, and looked down into the crib once more. Somehow Zoey had managed to stay sleeping through everything that had just happened.

She readjusted the baby’s blankets and made sure the baby monitor was getting good reception before heading for the door.

“Oh my god,” Tina whispered suddenly, turning back to the crib once more, “the baby monitor,” she said aloud to herself, realizing that the receiver had been downstairs, outside, and that she wasn’t the only person overhearing conversations that day - Nick had heard everything.

September 02, 2001 Tampa, Florida

It was unnatural, how eerily silent the house was. Tina cautiously made her way down the stairs, wondering where Nick and Wes had gone. She quickly made a check of Nick’s office, and opened the basement door that lead down to his studio but still she heard nothing.

As she made her way through the house her ears finally picked up some sound. It was talking – no, yelling – coming from outside. The windows were shut because of the air conditioning and the patio door was so thick it muffled all the sounds from the backyard.

Tina picked up the pace, worried about what Nick would do given how irrational he could get when he was mad. His temper was not something that people wanted to experience.

It was through the large floor to ceiling windows in the kitchen that Tina finally saw them. Wes was lying on the ground with Nick standing over him, his fist held in the air threateningly.

“How you gonna disrespect me like that?!” she heard Nick yell as she opened the patio door.

“Nick!” Tina snapped, trying to sound stern, “Stop it! Just let it go!”

Nick turned to her, his fist full of Wes’ shirt, “Let it go?” he continued to yell, “This motherfucker comes into my house, MY HOUSE, and hits on my wife while my baby girl is sleeping in the same room!? Fuck that!”

“Nick,” Wes was pleading with his friend, “It was just a miscommunication.”

“Shut the fuck up! Nobody asked you!”

Wes used the distraction to make a move and break himself free of the other man’s grasp. There was a scuffle but he managed to get away from Nick. That was when Tina noticed the full extent of the damage. Wes’ nose and top lip were bleeding, much like the back of Nick’s hand.

Though Tina should have been using the opportunity to talk Nick off a cliff she was instead stuck on the fact that he had referred to her as his wife, the first time she had ever heard the words come from his mouth.

“Tina...” Wes’ voice grabbed her attention and she looked up to see the man giving her a pleading look, probably wanting her to calm Nick down, which, judging from the way he’d turned red, was going to be impossible.

Nick instantly pounced on the other man, grabbing him again, “Don’t you fucking talk to her! Don’t even look at her!”

“Nick!” Tina yelled, her voice laden with frustration at his machismo, “You’re overreacting!” she said, moving to wrap her arms around his midsection to try and pull him off Wes.

“Yeah, Nick,” Wes said nervously, “You’re overreacting.”

With the criticism Nick exploded into another fit of rage, throwing his arm back to get in a good shot at Wes. His elbow smacked Tina solidly in the eye and she cursed, moving away from the two quickly.

“You two are idiots!” she yelled, holding her face. She watched as Nick’s punch turned into the two of them rolling on the patio stones for a second time, each trying to get the upper hand.

They broke apart and Tina took advantage of both men trying to get back onto their feet. She crossed the patio and caught Nick off guard as he started to stand, pushing him over into the pool.

She then turned to Wes, hands firmly on her hips, “Get out of my house! I will not tolerate any more of this bullshit! If you want to act like little boys do it somewhere else!”

Wes held his hands up in defence, muttered an apology then turned to hightail it out off their property, not wanting to risk having to resort to fisticuffs with Nick again.

“And you!” she yelled, turning on Nick who was now standing in the pool looking up at her pitifully. She moved to sit on the edge of the pool, sticking her bare feet into the water, “You’re my hero.”

“I am?” Nick asked, hesitantly moving through the water towards her, “You’re not mad that I started a fight?”

“Oh, don’t get me wrong, I think your display of testosterone was completely uncalled for,” she laughed, “but I appreciate it none the less.”

“Did he hit you?” Nick’s voice was laden with concern and Tina reached up to touch her tender red eye with a chuckle.

“No, but you did,” she grinned.

“Shit,” he let out a heavy breath, “I am so sorry. We’ll have to get some ice on it.”

Tina waved him off, not worried about it since she knew it was an accident. Her expression getting more serious she sighed, “I was really worried you were going to take his side.”

As soon as he reached her knees Nick wrapped his arms around her, “I heard everything, Baby. I heard you tell him to get lost, I heard you say no. I know you’re not like that.”

Tina sighed and ran her hands through Nick’s wet hair, “I didn’t see that coming,” she admitted.

“I did,” Nick countered, “he’s been eyeing you for a while now. I just didn’t expect that he would be quite so brazen.”

“I’m sorry,” Tina apologized, “I know he was your friend. I hate that I may have ruined that.”

“Oh it’s ruined,” Nick clarified, “but don’t blame yourself. He’s not the first friend I’ve gone through and he certainly won’t be the last. I have other friends.”

“About that...” she trailed off, hugging him as he leaned forward to kiss her collarbone, “I heard what your friends were saying about me earlier.”

“What were they saying?” he asked, his lips dropping onto her neck a second time.

Tina sighed and pulled away so she could look him in the eye, “That I’m fat and boring.”

“That’s it,” Nick said jokingly, “no more single friends. Only couples are allowed over.”

“You’re missing the point.”

“No, I’m not,” he disagreed, “You’re beautiful. That’s the reason I wanted to meet you, the reason why I spent a whole weekend with you, the reason I stayed with you and the reason why I plan on spending my life with you. You’re a beautiful person inside and out. I don’t care what they think. They think they’re so perfect and interesting? Hardly! Besides, calling you fat is calling me fat because I think I put on as much, if not more, baby weight than you did.”

Tina smiled and hugged him again, “You kinda did, didn’t you?”

“Yeah,” he nodded, “but I’m okay with it. I go back on tour in a few days I’ll just skip a couple of meals.”

“I love you,” Tina told him seriously, actually feeling certain about that statement for once considering she often wondered what she was doing with him.

“Good, because I love you,” Nick smiled and kissed her lips quickly before moving to get out of the pool, “Now let’s go take care of our war wounds, get the kids up from their naps and find something for dinner because I’m starving.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t have gotten drunk this afternoon,” Tina teased, watching him walk towards the house in search of ice and band-aids.

“Everyone’s a critic,” Nick chuckled, winking at her before heading in the patio door.

Tina was dumbfounded. Half the time, she could barely get him to commit to her and now he was fighting his friends over her. It made her consider that maybe he was serious about keeping all those promises.

September 02, 2001 Tampa, Florida

Since the moment that Nick had held Zoey in his arms, Tina had noticed a significant difference in him. She knew that it was simply because he had fallen in love with her, much in the same way she had. He had taken a leadership role with the baby in a way Tina had never expected, which she attributed to the fact that he was going to have to leave them in a few days to resume the tour now that AJ was going to be getting out of rehab.

So when their dinner was ready and waiting on the table and Nick was nowhere to be found, she was pretty sure tracking him down wasn’t going to be a challenge. The children had gone down nearly an hour before, and Zoey had been particularly fussy after her last bottle.

Climbing the stairs to the second floor Tina was halfway down the hallway when she heard him singing. A smile stretched across her face as she crept closer to the nursery, and quietly snuck in.

Sitting in a rocking chair next to the window, a sleeping baby tucked safely into his arms Nick was oblivious to anyone else in the room but one tiny person. Tina listened to him sing for a moment and instantly recognized the song as the lullaby Dumbo’s mother sang to him in the Disney movie.

“From your head, down to your toes...” he sang, using his free hand to touch the baby’s forehead, then softly pinch her feet, “You’re not much, goodness knows...” he continued and his voice broke slightly, and Tina realized that he was crying, “but you’re so precious to me, cute as can be, baby of mine.”

 “Nick?” she spoke into the quiet of the room, softly as to not wake the baby.

His eye’s shot up in surprise and he quickly wiped his hand across his cheeks, “I didn’t see you there.”

“Why are you crying?” she asked with her voice full of concern, moving closer to him.

Nick shrugged, “I’m not crying,” he told her in a whisper, getting up to return the baby to her crib. Tina watched as he moved all the stuffed animals to the end and covered her carefully with her small blanket.

“It’s okay to cry,” Tina told him honestly, not knowing why he always felt compelled to put up a front and act macho.

“I just...” he tried to speak but his voice cracked again and Tina watched a wave of sadness cross his face, “How did I ever leave him?”

“Who did you leave?”

“Parker,” Nick whispered, his eyes drifting back down to Zoey, “I don’t remember being in this much pain but I just can’t do it. I can’t pack up my stuff and walk out the door without her. I can’t leave her here.”

Tina tried to give him a reassuring smile and reached out to touch his arm, “I’m going to take really good care of her for you.”

“I know Baby,” he sighed, “I just don’t remember feeling this way last time.”

It had been different before, Tina realized. When she had gotten pregnant with Parker and first told Nick about it he had immediately flown her out to be with him on tour. She spent the majority of her pregnancy on tour then flew home prior to giving birth. That was the last time she saw Nick for months. His career had absolutely exploded. He didn’t have vacation, or even a day off with enough time to get to Cleveland and back so he only had pictures of Parker to satisfy him until he finally met him months later. He hadn’t had the time to think about how much he missed Parker.

“You’ll be okay,” Tina assured him, pulling him to her. She wrapped her petite frame around him and he hunched down into her hug, “She’s not going to remember you not being here. It’s only a couple of months you’ll be back before you know it.”

“I don’t want to go,” Nick confessed, holding her tighter.

“You have a couple of days,” she reasoned, “Enjoy the time you have left then we’ll make sure you don’t miss anything that happens. We can have Skype on over her crib 24/7 if you want.”

“I want.”

Tina had never seen him act this way. She definitely felt as though his desperation was more deep-seeded than simply leaving Zoey behind.

Feeling his lips on her neck Tina rubbed his back, “Dinner is ready and waiting on the table downstairs. I know you’re hungry.”

Nick pulled away and, taking her by the arm, pulled her from the room. He softly shut the door to the nursery behind him then pressed Tina up against the wall, his lips again returning to her neck, “I don’t want dinner, I want you,” he mumbled against her skin.

Tina ran her hand over the back of his head quickly then slowly pushed him away, recognizing a familiar lust in his eyes, “You said you were hungry...”

Almost instantly lust turned to anger, and he gripped her arms tightly, “That was before. This is now. Now I want to fuck.”

Tina couldn’t understand him. In the span of five minutes he had shown three completely different kinds of emotion. He’d gone from sad, to horny, to pissed off without even blinking. She was starting to wonder if maybe he needed to see someone about his mood swings.

“Nick,” she said softly, trying not to wince at how tight he was holding onto her, “I just don’t feel like it.”

“You never feel like it!” he snapped, letting go of her, “Do you know how long it’s been since we last had sex?”

Tina sighed, “No.”

“It was before Christmas!” he exclaimed, running a hand through his hair, “I don’t think you realize how difficult it is to go back to your hotel room, watch porn and jerk off when there’s beautiful women throwing themselves at you in every city!”

With a sarcastic laugh Tina rolled her eyes, “Oh you poor thing!” she couldn’t help but laugh at him before walking away from him to head downstairs and enjoy her own dinner. Feeling him hot on her heels she kept talking, “Given that you can’t seem to have sex without a pregnancy involved just makes me wonder how many illegitimate children you have spread across the planet.”

“I have strong swimmers, I admit, but I haven’t been sleeping with anyone else! That’s kind of a first for me. I want to be with you, I agreed to marry you, and we have children together, so it’s logical that we would have a sexual relationship. I don’t understand why you don’t want to be with me.”

“It’s not that,” Tina groaned. She was tempted to point out that he’d basically said he expected payment for marrying her but she held back, knowing he seemed to be in an emotional mood, “I’ve just been feeling a little self conscious lately. I have been having a really hard time getting rid of the weight I gained while I was pregnant. ”

Nick let out a heavy stream of air and as soon as they’d moved into the kitchen he pulled Tina into a tight hug, “I’m sorry,” he apologized, “I just... when I was upstairs all I wanted was for you to make me feel better. Is it wrong that I want to be with you? I don’t care what you look like you’ll always be beautiful to me.”

His shirt bunched underneath her fingers, “I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have made those comments about other girls. I know it must be difficult for you, and I am proud of you for being faithful because I know it’s not something you’ve been very good at in the past. I do want to be with you. I don’t want you being upset about having to leave the kids.”

“Then be with me,” Nick whispered, his lips covering her ear quickly, “be with me,” he repeated again and as he felt Tina’s muscles relax under his hands he knew he was winning. With a hand on either side of her face Nick tilted Tina’s lips towards his, kissing her softly, “I don’t want to go back on tour without having kissed every inch of your body.”

Tina’s arms went around his neck and she kissed him passionately, “I wasn’t that hungry anyway.”

Lifting her up Nick wrapped her legs around his waist and turned back to the stairs in the direction of their bedroom, not able to keep from grinning since again, he’d won.

November 21, 2001 Tokyo, Japan/Tampa, Florida

“Happy Birthday Dear Parker, Happy Birthday to you!”

Most people would say Parker was a lucky boy. Many would kill to have all five Backstreet Boys serenade them on their birthday in pitch perfect harmonies. But at the same time, it was those people standing between Parker and being with his father on his birthday.

A lot had happened since Nick had left Florida to go back on tour. The world had become a dangerous place after the September 11 terrorist attacks in New York City. The boys had been stuck at the border, then stuck in Canada, and now were bogged down with endless hours of security problems trying to get onto planes and into other countries to tour. Nick had wanted to fly his family out to Japan again so they could be together on Parker’s birthday but it was just too much to expect Tina to go through all the rigmarole at the airport with a toddler and a four month old. It wasn’t worth it.

Instead Nick had made sure that he would be free for at least an hour, and had set up a computer so he could talk online with Parker and share his birthday dinner with him. Of course once he told the other boys of his plans they felt compelled to join in and it had turned into a cross continent birthday party.

Despite hearing his father’s voice and seeing his father’s face on the computer monitor Parker had maintained a scowl through the entire video call. Tina knew it was because of deep seeded disappointment that he couldn’t go to Japan to actually be with his father. The kid was three and already was pouting about not being able to go on vacation. Of course, Parker had no real concept of where Japan was or how much effort it would take to get there. He just knew it was on the other side of the computer screen, where his Dad was.

Tina held out a cupcake with a candle stuck in it for Parker to blow out, a nearly identical cupcake to the one that Nick had in Tokyo (a challenge neither of them realized would be so difficult to accomplish) but the boy wouldn’t blow it out. Instead he just continued to pout, looking more and more the Carter that he was.

“Parker,” Brian called out through the screen, “Aren’t you going to blow out the candle and make a wish?”

“No,” Parker pouted, crossing his arms across his chest. He made a point of turning away from the offensive cupcake and Tina sighed in frustration.

With a nearly identical sigh Nick rubbed his forehead, “C’mon Parker, blow out the candle. Daddy wants to eat his cupcake too and he can’t until you blow out the candle!”

When Parker again shook his head Tina heard AJ laugh in the background, “He sure is your kid, isn’t he Nicky?”

Nick glared over at his friend then turned back to his son who was sitting in his office chair back in Florida, “Forget the candle Parker, how about we open some presents? Did the mail man come with all the presents from me?” he asked, knowing full well that the box had arrived since he had practically sold his soul over to FedEx to make sure it would get there on time.

“Let’s open this one first,” Tina suggested, handing Parker a perfectly wrapped present, clearly the handiwork of one of the Boy’s assistants.

“No,” Parker repeated, using his favourite word of the moment and Tina could sense the start of what she liked to call a ‘whine-on-a-dime tantrum’.

“Come on,” she tried to encourage, “It’s from Daddy! He sent it all the way from Japan!”

Reluctantly Parker took the gift into his hands, stared at it for a moment then threw it to the floor dramatically, “I don’t want it!” he screamed, big fat tears suddenly running rampant down his chubby cheeks.

The other boys took the screaming child as their cue to leave the room, each of them giving Nick a supportive slap on the back as they left his suite. Nick had no choice but to watch helplessly from the other side of the world as Tina tried to pull the toddler into her arms to comfort him.

Parker struggled against her, his little hands reaching for the screen, “I want Daddy!” he cried and Nick was fairly certain he felt his heart break, just a little.

“Daddy is right there!” Tina sighed heavily, just hanging on as Parker thrashed himself around, trying to get away from her.

“Just put him down,” Nick encouraged her, running his hands through his hair with frustration, “You have to let him cry it out.”

Tina glared at him through the webcam, “You’re not the one that has to be here listening to it!”

“I’m right here!” he snapped in return, “I’m listening to it! Put him down and just let him throw his tantrum. If you keep fighting him he’s only going to get worse.”

Knowing he was right Tina laid Parker down on the floor where he kept screaming and crying, getting his whole body into it, “I’m sorry Nick,” she said honestly as she turned back to the computer, “I know how hard you tried to make this work out.”

Nick tried to shrug it off, distracting himself by picking a piece of fluff off of his hoodie, “Whatever, it’s fine. We’ll just have his birthday when I get back.”

“When will that be?” Tina wondered, “You’re going to miss Thanksgiving tomorrow, should we expect you home by Christmas? When are you guys going to Sweden to record?”

Tina watched as Nick did a quick glance around the room, then he was momentarily gone from the picture and she heard his door shut, “About that...”

“Don’t tell me you’re going to miss Christmas?” she asked disappointedly.

Quickly he shook his head, “No, I’ll be home for Christmas. I might be home for a while actually.”

“Well that’s great!” Tina smiled but she didn’t see Nick return the sentiment, “You don’t seem happy about it.”

“No, I am,” he corrected, “It’s just... well, I think AJ is drinking again. I overheard Kevin and Howie talking with someone from Management and they were discussing cancelling the next leg of the tour and not going to Stockholm to record for a while. I think Alex is going back to rehab. From what I can see, he's really not doing any better. He's just sliding back into the same old habits.”

“Oh...” Tina said, feeling bad for both AJ and the others for what a crappy tour they’d had. Between everything that had happened with AJ, terrorists, the death of a crew member, and Nick being unfocused because of his family issues, it had been a real challenge.

“I don’t know how long we’re going to be off. Probably a month or so, like last time, but at least I’ll be home right? We could go down to the Keys and see my parents or something.”

The crying stopped as suddenly as it had started and Tina looked behind her to see that Parker was now standing up, wiping his face and sniffling.

“Well,” Tina said as she turned back to Nick, “I know of two people that would be more than happy to have you home for a while.”

“Only two?” he asked with the hint of a smile.

Pulling Parker into her lap Tina grinned and blew Nick a kiss, “Maybe there’s three. Come home soon and be safe, okay? We love you.”

“I love you too,” he told her then waved at Parker, “Happy Birthday buddy.”

November 21, 2001 Tokyo, Japan

“I can’t believe Parker is three already!” Brian exclaimed as Nick sat down beside him at the large conference table. They’d been making idle chit chat while waiting for Kevin to arrive from a meeting with their tour manager for about an hour.

Nick nodded and thought for a moment about the little boy, “Time really has flown.”

“It seems like it was only yesterday that you were introducing us to Tina and she came on tour with us while she was pregnant,” Brian added and Nick wondered what was with all the talk about Tina and children.

“It was like yesterday,” Howie laughed from the other side of the table where he was going through some paperwork, “He’s only known her for three years.”

Nick rolled his eyes, having heard the same story time and again about how irresponsible he was for getting Tina pregnant, “Thank you Howard I’m aware, and I’ve known her three and a half years.”

 “I feel kind of bad for the little guy,” Brian continued, “All he wanted for his birthday was for you to be there with him and you were stuck here instead. That must be really hard for him, huh?”

“It is hard, for both of us,” Nick confirmed and turned his chair to face Brian, “He doesn’t understand what I do or why I’m not at home right now so everything is really personal to him. Why are you asking?”

Brian blushed slightly, looking to see that the other guys were busy doing something else before turning to face Nick, “Leighanne and I were talking about maybe trying for a baby.”

“From my own personal experience it doesn’t take much effort,” Nick joked then slapped Brian on the arm, “I think that’ll be awesome for you guys. So are you just worried about how the job will play into all of that?”

Before Brian could answer the door to the conference room swung open and Kevin walked in, grabbing the seat at the head of the table.

“I’d like to call this meeting of Backstreet Council to order,” he said, slapping a binder down on the table hard enough to get everyone’s attention, “If the clerk could please give the results of roll call?”

“All Backstreet Boys present and accounted for,” Howie said with a grin.

“Excellent, thank you,” Kevin nodded then opened the binder, “After discussion with our staff I have a couple of motions I’d like to put on the floor. First, there’s been a request come in that we take another break...”

“Kevin,” AJ interrupted, “I know this isn’t the usual protocol but I’d like to speak.”

“Wait until someone seconds it,” Kevin said, always having loved being able to treat their meetings as if he were the Mayor of some city, “So anyway there’s been a request that we take another break starting immediately after the next two Japan dates. I so move.”

“I’ll second it,” Nick said, wondering what AJ was going to say.

“Thank you Nick,” AJ told him then turned to the group, “I know you guys are probably so pissed to hear me say that I want more time off, but I really need it. I think that when I went to Arizona in the summer I really rushed through things. I was so concerned with getting back on tour and not postponing any more dates that I wasn’t really concentrating on fixing my own problems. The counsellors there told me that my problems weren’t just going to evaporate that I was going to end up bringing them back with me and I have. I’ve been drinking again, and I don’t see that stopping any time soon. I need to fix this problem once and for all so that we can get back to work some day.”

The other boys nodded understandingly, “No other discussion?” Kevin asked, “Okay then... all in favour of taking a break after this leg of the tour put up your hand.”

All five hands shot up.

“Now that we’ve settled that we have the small problem of the European leg of the tour. Again, after discussing with our staff members, the people who are paid to be smart about this kind of thing... I’d like to move that we cancel the rest of the tour.”

“I’ll second it,” Brian said immediately with a sharp gasp, if only so he could speak on the issue.

None of them had been expecting to cancel the rest of the tour; they only figured they would postpone it just like they had done with the earlier North American dates.

“Can’t we just postpone?” Brian questioned, looking at the other faces at the table around him who were equally shocked.  

“And how long do we keep putting it off?” Kevin asked, “Until we’ve been on the same tour for three years and no one is buying the album anymore? We have the greatest hits package and the single from that. We’ll just have to see where that takes us. All those in favour raise your hand.”

Somewhat reluctantly the others raised their hands, deciding that it was best to take the advice of the people working for them. After all, they were the ones losing a paycheque from it so if they’d suggested it; it must have been a good idea.

“And finally,” Kevin said, turning to the next page in the binder, “I would like to move that we cancel the studio time we have booked in Stockholm and Los Angeles.”

“Second,” Nick muttered and quickly ran his hands through his hair, “That’s all of our studio time. I think we all know that it’s not that easy to come by when you need as much time as we do. If we cancel now it could be months before we’re able to book that much time together at the studios we like.”

“We’re not going to need it,” Kevin explained, “Because we’re not recording a new album.”

“I don’t understand,” Nick admitted, not knowing what else to say.

“We need to give AJ all the time he needs to turn himself around,” Kevin said and AJ’s gaze never moved from the table top, “It’s not going to be helpful to have studio time, or writing sessions, or whatever else looming over his head making him worry that he needs to be somewhere. We’ll just cancel everything we’ve got planned for right now and once we’re ready we’ll figure things out. Won’t it be nice to just have no obligations for a while, nothing to do?”

Nick stared at him and blinked hard, “I’ve never had nothing to do,” he admitted softly, “what are the rest of us supposed to do?”

Kevin sighed and laid his pen down on the desk while returning the younger man’s gaze, “Live your life for a while Nick. This is your chance to spend the time with your kids that you haven’t been able to. You have a chance here to fix some of the problems you have in your own world. I think it’s going to be great for all of us to just have some time to ourselves.”

“But...” Nick let out a frustrated grunt, “I was okay with having a little bit of time. I figured we’d be off for a month or two. We can’t just say we’re going to be off indefinitely! Shouldn’t we have some kind of mark where we know we need to go back to work? Otherwise why don’t we just call this what it is and say we’re breaking up the group?”

“We’re not breaking up,” Howie interjected, “We’re not. None of us want that. We just want a little time.”

“I would really like some time,” Brian admitted, thinking of Leighanne and their efforts to conceive.

“All in favour?” Kevin asked once no one else had moved to speak.

Four hands came up but Nick made a point of leaning back in his seat and not raising his hand. He couldn’t agree to what could be the possible end of their careers.

“Four against one, motion carried. Sorry Nicky,” Kevin said before turning to the next page, “There’s just one more thing I wanted to mention and that’s the matter of our management...”

November 21, 2001 Tokyo, Japan/Tampa, Florida

“So what are you going to do?” Tina asked, holding the phone between her ear and shoulder as she folded laundry on the couch.

Nick sighed heavily on the other side of the world, confused after everything that had happened during his meeting earlier that day.

“I’m not sure,” he admitted, “I don’t have anything against The Firm. They’ve always been good to me. I understand what the guys are saying, and why they want to leave but I’ve never really been a believer in ‘one strike you’re out’. So they dropped the ball on this whole AJ thing, but it’s not like we didn’t throw them a curveball.”

Kevin had made it very clear by the end of Backstreet Council that they were going to be looking for new management. The people who were representing them had not handled AJ’s leave of absence from the tour in the ideal way, and it had ended up costing the group not only money but credibility also. It had been nearly unanimous that they start looking elsewhere. Nearly, only because Nick wasn’t convinced that it was the right course of action. They were taking a break anyway, he didn’t see why this was something they needed to take care of right away. He wanted time to think about it but the other guys seemed to already have their minds made up.

“Well... can’t you stay with them?” Tina asked, not really understanding the way the music business worked even though she had been surrounded by it for a couple of years. Nick didn’t bring his work home with him and he had only recently started talking to her about what was going on with his career.

“What do you mean?” he asked, “I’m kind of bound by the group. Where they go I have to go also.”

“Yeah but...” Tina thought for a moment, trying to collect her thoughts, “You’re not just a Backstreet Boy, you’re Nick Carter too. So why can’t Nick Carter stay with The Firm even though the Boys might be moving on?”

“You mean... as a solo artist?” he asked, surprised he hadn’t already thought of the possibilities.

Tina shrugged even though Nick couldn’t see her and she continued folding tiny shirts and pants into neat piles, “That’s what you are, aren’t you? Maybe I’m wrong but I’ve always thought that you were an individual that performed in a group.”

Nick had never thought of it like that. In his mind he was always a Backstreet Boy first and foremost, and whatever Nick Carter did came after. But he realized very quickly that Tina was right. When he signed contracts he didn’t sign them ‘Nick Backstreet’, he signed them ‘Nick Carter’, because he was a solo artist performing in a group and not anything else.

“I mean,” Tina continued while her words continued to bounce around his brain, “What if you want to do something else later on? What if you want to be in a movie, or do something with your brother... won’t you still need your own management for that? So why not have someone that you want to have.”

“You’re absolutely right,” Nick said, surprised at the amount of insight she had into his career and what he could do with it, “I do need someone to represent me, and it should be the people I like most. I’m going to give them a call right now and set up a meeting so they know I’m not going anywhere.”

“See?” Tina asked and Nick could hear the smile in her voice, “Problem solved!”

He laughed, “Did you just use your Mommy skills on me?”

“I think I may have,” she chuckled. Tina put the clothing she was holding down on the couch, wishing that she was able to see Nick’s expression as they spoke. He wore his feelings on his face, it was impossible not to know how he felt when they were eye-to-eye so she struggled when they spoke on the phone. She wished she could see the happiness on his face that she heard in his voice because it seemed like a rarity.

“So, will someone be free to pick me up from the airport next week?” Nick wondered, anxious to get out of Asia and back to the states. He had a lot of things to make up to Parker especially after the birthday fiasco. He planned on buying a lot of really awesome Christmas presents to make him forget how long his Dad had been away.

Tina nodded even though he couldn’t see her, “Yeah, I’ll be there. How long do we get you for this time? Until Christmas?”

“Actually...” Nick paused and Tina prepared herself for the worst – that he wasn’t going to be coming home for Christmas, that they’d added more dates, that she would have to explain to Parker why Daddy wasn’t there again, “After Japan, we don’t really have anything.”

“What do you mean?” she asked, never having been in a situation where Nick wasn’t busy with work.

“We just have nothing,” he said with a shrug, “No concerts, no press, no recording... nothing. We had a meeting yesterday and they all made the decision to can the rest of our dates, cancel our recording time... and just do nothing I guess.”

“But why would you do that? Wouldn’t that be bad for the group’s momentum?”

Nick scoffed, “That’s what I said! I don’t get it either, but I’m only one person I can’t change all of their minds. AJ needs more time to... I don’t know... to become a new man or something. The rest of them just want a break but I’m happy when I’m working what am I going to do with myself with nothing to do?”

Tina was a little stung by his words, but quickly reminded herself that he wasn’t saying he didn’t want to be there with them he was only trying to say he liked his work. She actually thought that it might be weird if Nick were home for any significant length of time because since she’d known him he never had been. She had never spent more than a few weeks with him at a time. They’d never really had a relationship and never really lived together. It was more like he was a relative that visited every now and then and just happened to own the house and rule the roost. It would be very different getting used to a new routine. In the past he would come home, interrupt they way they did everything for a couple of weeks and then be gone before they got too used to it. But now, everything would be different. They would all have to get used to living with Nick in the house instead of on the other side of the computer, or the telephone.

“I’m sure you’ll find a way to keep yourself entertained,” she assured him, “You’ll have a chance to work on your boat, you can sleep in every day and actually get to listen to other people’s music for a change. You can change the downstairs bedroom back into your games room and finally beat the games you’ve been playing for months. There’s so much opportunity for you to just relax, and enjoy being alone, and being with us.”

Nick wasn’t satisfied with that answer, which was very similar to the one Kevin had given him. He wasn’t the type of person that enjoyed sitting around doing nothing. He wanted to be working, “And then what? Eventually that’s going to get old.”

“Worry about it when it gets old then,” Tina rolled her eyes, “Do you know what I do every day? I sit at home and take care of our kids. I do laundry and wash dishes and change diapers. Don’t you think that I would love to be travelling the world and living my dreams?”

“If you don’t want to take care of the kids, hire a nanny.”

She sighed heavily, “That’s not it at all. I love being a mother, I love this job, but there are times where I wish I woke up in the morning with absolutely nothing to do. You have an opportunity here to take a bit of a break from a very stressful job that is very demanding on your life. Most people don’t get that chance, you should be more grateful.”

“Grateful?” he asked, clearly not impressed by the word, “How can I be grateful that everything I have worked for since I was a little boy, everything I have sacrificed, is going to turn into retirement before I’m even 22?”

Tina gasped, “Retirement? No one said this was the end of the line.”

“It’s really feeling like the end of the line. Like this is the end of the Backstreet Boys, like my career is going down in a sinking ship and nothing I can say or do is going to save it.”

December 19, 2001 Tampa, Florida

Tina smiled and let out a deep cleansing breath. For the first time in a very long time she was spending time completely alone. At first she didn’t even know what to do with herself. She thought of cleaning the house or getting Christmas things together but in the back of her mind she knew she should take advantage of the time and just spend it on herself. So she had taken a long bath and was now curled up on the couch with a book that she had been meaning to read for months.

She hadn’t been expecting the alone time. Nick had been in Orlando for a few days in meetings with the record company. He had left on Monday and wasn’t supposed to return until the weekend, but it was Wednesday and he was back before lunch with no explanation. With Christmas just around the corner he loaded the kids into the car to take them to do some shopping and then pick out a Christmas tree. Tina was more than happy to not accompany them if only for the fact that she never got to spend time without the kids.

Glancing up Tina smiled at the string of popcorn that was hanging across the window, remembering making the festive decorations with Parker. She used the term ‘making’ very loosely since she did all the work while the boy ate handfuls of cold popcorn.

Movement beyond the garland caught her eye and Tina stood up to peek out the window at the house across the street. There had been moving trucks outside for the better part of the day and Tina had been hoping to get a look at the new tenants. Their house was just a bit higher than the other side of the street so Tina could see clear over the security fence to the other houses which had turned her into a bit of a Nosey Nancy. She couldn't really help it though, there just wasn't a whole lot else to do beyond spying on the neighbours sometimes, especially when the kids were asleep or when she was doing something monotonous like folding laundry.

Tina watched as three movers carried out pieces of what appeared to be a large wooden wall unit. They were followed by a woman who was standing just off to the side with her hands on her hips, watching their performance. Even from across the street Tina could tell by looking at her that she was rich. She was slender with auburn red hair hanging long and shiny down her back. A few sparkly bangles adorned her dainty wrist and even in a form fitting white t-shirt and a pair of jeans she exuded confidence. Tina looked down at her attire; a pair of sweatpants and an old t-shirt of Nick’s that was a little too small for him now. She sighed, wishing that she was one of those women that could shop in boutiques and look fabulous. It wasn’t as though the clothes wouldn’t fit her, she usually fluctuated between a size 6 and 8, but she was lacking a few of the finer points; confidence to wear the clothes, and money.

Nick had money but she didn’t have money. He paid for food and kept a roof over her head, he would pay for anything the kids needed but he was fairly protective of his cash when it came to doling it out. When it came to spending it on himself it was a different story. He would buy himself the same shirt in every different colour but would never think to ask if she needed anything new. She didn’t blame him either, it was his money rightfully, and she never asked for anything.

She had completely digressed from her original train of thought, and upon looking back out the window to see what the moving men were up to Tina was shocked to find the woman in the front yard staring right back at her. She gasped and ducked behind the curtain but it was undeniable, there was eye contact, she had to have seen her staring. Cursing under her breath Tina mentally kicked herself for being so nosey. The woman surely thought she was some kind of creeper, watching people out the window with binoculars or a telescope.

She ran her hands through her hair and shook her head, laughing at the ridiculousness of the whole situation. She could have played it off, waved at the woman instead of ducking out of sight. It was her fault that she looked crazy.

“This is why I shouldn’t be left unattended,” Tina joked, heading back to the couch to pick her book back up where she’d left off. She was just leaning back on the couch when a buzzer interrupted the silence. Tina gasped; it was the front gate bell. She tossed the book and quickly moved to the window, seeing the woman from across the street now standing at the gate.

Tina didn’t know what to do. Nick would not be okay with her letting a stranger into the house but she couldn’t just ignore it. The woman knew she was home, she’d seen her in the window. She could pretend that she was just the maid but she didn’t want to start things off on the wrong foot with the new neighbour, either.

She sighed and ran her hands through her hair, still at a loss. Often times there were fans that figured out which house was Nick’s and lingered around the gate, pressing the buzzer in the hopes that he would come to the door and invite them in for lunch or something equally as unlikely. Because of that Nick had given her strict instructions that no one came in the house that they didn’t know unless he was there to okay it.

The gate buzzed again and Tina continued to hesitate. She didn’t know when Nick and the kids would be back and the last thing she needed was to unknowingly invite someone inside that may or may not be a rabid Backstreet Boys fan.

Still, she finally moved to the door pressing the talkback, “Hello?”

“Hi there,” a cheerful voice replied, “I saw you in the window and thought I would come over and introduce myself. I’m your new neighbour.”

She sounded harmless, Tina thought. Surely it was just a simple gesture from a friendly new neighbour. Considering that Tina could count the number of friends she had in Tampa on one hand, including her boyfriend, children and parents, she figured she would take the risk.

“Come on up,” Tina said through the talkback before hitting the button to open the gate.

She swung open the heavy front door and watched as the same woman she’d seen through the window walked up the driveway. She had a friendly smile on her face and she gave a quick wave as she approached.

“Hi!” the other woman greeted happily and Tina started to feel at ease. Now that she got a good look at her the woman was easily in her late 30’s or early 40’s judging by the light smattering of wrinkles, and just an overall look of life experience.

“I’m Tina,” she greeted, stepping out of the house. She extended her hand for a handshake and it was accepted quickly the two of them sizing each other up.

“I saw you in the window and figured you must be curious why someone would be moving in so close to Christmas so I thought I would come introduce myself. I’m Max.”

Tina grinned, “So nice to meet you. Please come in for a second. Can I get you something to drink?”

“I would love some water, if you have some,” Max joked.

“I’m sure I could find some,” Tina laughed and started walking towards the kitchen.

Max followed her through the house and Tina could see the woman glancing around, taking things in.

“Are your parents home?” Max asked once they were standing at the kitchen island and Tina gave her a quizzical look.

Suddenly she realized that the woman must think this was her family home. She definitely looked too young to have a house on her own, let alone one of this size so she could understand the confusion.

Not wanting to make her feel uncomfortable Tina smiled, “They’re not actually, they’ll be back later tonight.”

“I think I saw them when I was here filling out paperwork,” Max explained, taking a tall glass of ice water out of Tina’s hand.

“They just live in the guest house out back,” Tina explained, pointing out the floor to ceiling windows in the kitchen to the home that could just be seen off in the distance.

“Oh...” Max trailed off, taking a moment to take a sip of water, “I guess I should apologize. I only pegged you for maybe 25 so I thought you lived at home, that this was your parent’s home.”

Tina smiled softly, “22 actually, but it’s okay I can see how you would think that. This is actually my boyfriend’s house.”

Just then, as if he knew someone was talking about him, Tina heard the familiar sound of the garage door opening and closing signalling Nick’s return.

“That’s him there,” she continued to smile but inside she was a bundle of nerves, worried about what he would say when he walked into the kitchen to see a stranger in the house.

December 19, 2001 Tampa, Florida

The door from the garage to the kitchen swung open and Tina waited nervously as Nick made his way into the house. His usually spiky blonde hair was hanging into his eyes, no doubt flattened by dirty little fingers running through it. He didn’t notice the other people in the kitchen at first as his arms were full. In the crook of one elbow was the handle to the baby carrier, Zoey fast asleep inside and balanced against his opposite hip was Parker who was snoozing against his father’s shoulder.

From the look on his face Tina could tell he was frazzled and it quickly turned to shock as he saw both women sitting in the kitchen.

“Uh, hi,” Nick spoke quietly as to not wake the children, his eyes flittering between both females. At first his gaze was questioning but Tina saw a nearly immediate change, the corner of his mouth lifting into his signature half smile, that little twinkle in his eye and she could tell he was putting on his Backstreet mask for the sake of the guest.

“Do you need a hand?” Tina wondered, breaking the awkward silence.

Nick shook his head and started moving towards the kitchen door, “Nah, I’m fine, I’ll just put these guys down and I’ll be right back.”

Tina smiled at Max as Nick headed for the stairs, hoping the other woman didn't notice the tinge of nerves on her face, "That's Nick. The little one in the carrier is Zoey, she’s a little over five months. The boy is Parker. He’s three."

Max nodded, "They’re very cute. Though I have to admit, I thought he would be older. Nick, that is,” she explained. When she realized Tina had only been in her early twenties her mind had immediately gone to thinking that she was someone’s arm candy, a trophy wife. She was half expecting some fifty year old man to come waltzing in the door, dressed in a suit and carrying a briefcase. She hadn’t been prepared to see another young person, still essentially a child himself, stumbling in dressed in oversized jeans and a t-shirt carrying a baby in each arm. She had mentally done the math and with Parker being three they had definitely started procreating young. She was in her 30’s before she had her first child.  

"That seems to be the theme for today," Tina chuckled, "I know it must seem weird two people our age living in this... huge... house. Nick is an entertainer and he's done pretty well for himself since he was a kid."

"Child star?" the red head wondered and Tina agreed with a nod, "He's not familiar, where would I know him from? TV? Movies?"

"Music," she corrected, "He's in a boyband."

"It's a vocal harmony group," Nick interrupted, coming into the kitchen with the fake grin still plastered to his face, "You spreading rumours about me?" he teased, pinching Tina's chin with his fingers once he was close enough. She tried to shy away but he leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers awkwardly.

Usually Nick was opposed to PDA so she hadn't seen the kiss coming. Normally someone unknown being in the kitchen would have made him clam up. Tina found his actions to be completely out of character, and borderline rude considering he’d yet to speak a word to the other person in the room. Raising both hands, she cupped his cheeks and pressed away, trying not to make her displeasure too obvious to Max.

"She only has good things to say," Max said without missing a beat as if the uncomfortable moment had never happened. Thrusting her hand in his direction she began her second introduction of the day, "I’m Max-"

"Max Bloom, I know," Nick said and Tina looked over at him in shock. She couldn't fathom how Nick would know who their neighbour was before she'd even introduced herself.

Max laughed and nodded, "Yeah, how did you know that?"

"I recognized you," Nick explained, "I read for you once."

"You did?" the other woman asked, raising a perfectly arched eyebrow in his direction, "When was that? I thought you were in a boyband?"

"I'm a singer," Nick stressed, "but when I was a kid I did some acting. You were working for Fox and I auditioned for a role in Edward Scissorhands. It was a speaking role. You gave me 'kid on slip 'n slide' instead."

Max’s smile was unwavering, "I certainly hope you don't hold a grudge. It sounds like you might."

"Why would I hold a grudge?" he questioned with a shrug, "I was 10."

Awkward silence fell over the room and Tina looked back and forth between Nick and Max, still confused by the fact that they knew each other in the past. Nick's hand fell onto her thigh, squeezing lightly and she took it as a hint that he wanted her to break the silence.

"So you work in movies?" Tina asked, feeling stupid as soon as the words left her mouth.

"And television," Max explained, "I'm a casting director so I just kind of go where I'm needed."

"I'm surprised you would live here and not in Los Angeles or New York or something."

"There's lots of television and lots of talent down here," Max explained then motioned to Nick, "Take your husband for example. Consider how many singers, dancers and actors make their way through Disney to move on to better things. I do a lot of work in Orlando and Miami looking for good talent when it's needed for specific projects."

"How do you know Tina?" Nick suddenly asked, ignoring everything Max had been saying about her business.

Max took a mental note of the now vice-like grip Nick had on Tina's thigh and put a smile on her face, "Through her mother," she lied, "We met briefly while I was house hunting and she told me to stop by once I'd found a place. I'm moving in just across the street so I came by but they're out shopping and Tina was nice enough to let me wait in here."

"Hmm," Nick nodded, "Well... welcome to the neighbourhood," he told her, letting go of Tina's leg, "If you'll excuse me I have presents in the car I need to take into the basement."

"Of course, it was nice meeting you," Max told him and the two women watched as he walked back out to the gargage.

Tina waited until she was sure Nick was out of earshot to speak, "Why did you lie?" she demanded of Max, having been so nervous that the other woman would say something that didn't pan out.

Max gave her a sympathetic smile, "He reminds me of my ex-husband...so protective, possessive even. I thought he would like that story better than the truth."

Tina couldn't tell her that she was wrong, quite the opposite in fact. Nick was more satisfied to know that it had been Tina's mother that made the initial connection. If Max had said that Tina didn't even know as much as her name before she let her in the house he would have flipped. She was somewhat grateful for the fib, "We’re not married by the way,” Tina felt compelled to clarify, knowing that Nick was probably annoyed by the assumption that they were, “He can be a little high-strung sometimes," she explained.

"There's a great way to break him of that you know, I have experience in these kinds of things," Max told her, leaning her chin on her hand and leaning in towards Tina.

"Do tell."

December 19, 2001 Tampa, Florida

Tina had always looked for advice with how to handle Nick but no one really had any. He truly was an enigma of sorts, difficult to read and even harder to anticipate. Her first experiences with Nick (hanging out on the beach in Florida, enjoying spring break) had all been good. After all, he was trying to woo her, he had admitted multiple times that his goals that weekend did include getting into her pants. It wasn't until the first couple of weeks of being with him on tour had passed that she realized what an asshole he could be at times. She had tried to get advice from her mother but they were both in the same boat - innocent bystanders, merely watching as Hurricane Nick stormed through.

That is when she had developed a relationship with Nick's father. Getting to know him was the closest she'd ever been to figuring Nick out but there were still things about him, particularly influenced by his upbringing and subsequent fame that made the two of them fundamentally different. Bob had worked for what he had as an adult and although Nick had worked too, he'd never had the nine-to-five experience like both his parents had.

Max, on the other hand, seemed to have shared in those experiences with Nick and she could only imagine that someone this woman was married to was likely wealthy and successful also. They were the class of people that Nick considered himself now, whereas his parents were the class below.

"Do tell," Tina said, keen to hear what could be the advice she had been waiting for.

"Just slip a little something into his food," Max explained.

Tina frowned, that wasn't what she had been expecting "You want me to poison him?"

Max gasped and shook her head, "No! Not poison him! Unless of course that's something you had been thinking about?"

"Well no," Tina shook her head quickly, "I don't really want to kill him. I kind of need him."

"Only kind of?" Max teased, reaching out to poke Tina's arm jokingly, "What I meant was give him something to calm him down. My ex-husband, Will, was so uppity. He was one of those people that is stressed out all the time and makes everyone else stressed out just looking at him. So I started sprinkling some Valium in his breakfast every morning and sure enough he calmed right down."

"Because you were drugging him," Tina pointed out, "So he wasn't really calmer."

"He acted calmer though, and that was enough for me," the older woman shrugged.

"Well Nick isn't like that though. He's not stressed, he's not nervous, he's just... annoying," Tina said frankly and the two of them laughed.

Though Tina was pretty certain the conversation was over at that point Max had more to contribute.

"What about Ritalin?" she asked and Tina gaped at her wide eyed.

"Are you serious?" she asked, "You want me to put Ritalin in his food? What if I don't make his food? How would I even get Ritalin?"

"Semantics," Max waved her off, "You don't work in this business as long as I have and not have contacts. I could hook you up."

"You're serious," Tina said, still trying to take in everything that had happened in the last couple of minutes. Her initial thought was to turn the other woman down. She couldn't be that deceitful. What if something happened to him because she was giving him medication that he didn't even know about? Part of her though couldn't help but wonder whether it would work. After all, the only thing her parents did have to say about Nick was that they were sure he had some kind of attention deficit disorder. She couldn't stop herself from mentally rationalizing the whole thing, that maybe it would be for the best and just what he needed.

"It's not like you're injecting heroin into his veins," Max told her honestly, "You just have to make sure you make at least one of his meals every day. Is that such a tall order?"

"Not really," Tina admitted, "He's not on tour right now so I'll be making most of his meals. If I didn't he would either starve or eat nothing but Doritos and Dr. Pepper."

"And when he goes on tour give him some spiel about how they're vitamins and he needs to take them or something," Max said with a chuckle, "Men are pretty stupid, he'll probably buy it. What's the worst than can happen?"

Tina was amazed by what a master manipulator the other woman was. It didn't really surprise her that she was divorced, "He finds out and makes me leave?"

"I'm telling you, it'll work," Max said and Tina truly believed she was being sincere.

"Okay," she relented with a quick nod, "I'll try it. If it means that I might actually be able to deal with him for once I guess I will have to take the risk. Telling him he needs to see a doctor about it definitely won't work so I don't have a lot of other options."

~*~

Tina ran her fingers through Nick’s hair, soothing him as his body shuddered above her. Both children had gone down easily and fallen asleep quickly and Tina couldn’t deny that if they wanted to spend any quality time together it would have to be then. She didn’t even have a chance to vocalize it to Nick though before he had them both half undressed and heading towards their bed.

He let out a heavy, satisfied sigh and relaxed against her. It was times like this that Tina was able to notice the changes in his body. When they’d first met him resting his body weight against her was something she loved, feeling enveloped by him. Now though, since he had started gaining weight, he was just heavy. She didn’t want to be rude but became harder and harder to breathe and made her worry about what could happen if he fell asleep in that position.

Nick dropped a kiss to her ear, “I love you,” he whispered, pulling back to look at her.

Tina smiled and ran the back of her hand over his flushed cheeks. While many people looked sexy and glowing after sex, Nick just looked amusing. He was always sweaty and red, as if he’d just run a marathon. Tina always thought he looked cute, his face like a tomato after he got worked up.

“I love you too,” she said with a smile, “So...” she prompted, “What did you get me for Christmas when you were out shopping today?”

Nick laughed, resting his elbows on either side of her head, “Socks and underwear. Why? Were you expecting something else?”

“You’re a liar,” she teased, tickling his side quickly just to see him squirm.

“No,” he giggled, “I’m telling the truth. That’s all Parker wanted to get for you, socks and underwear!”

“Did you at least get me the nice kind?” she played along and he nodded.

“Only the best for my Baby... Fruit of the Loom.”

They both laughed and Nick took the moment to roll off of her and onto his back. He pulled Tina over to him, wrapping his arm around her as he got comfortable against the pillow.

“I still have to buy something for you,” Tina mused, her hand running over the light smattering of hair on his chest.

Without opening his eyes Nick shook his head, “No you don’t. You don’t have to get me anything.”

“Don’t you want something to open on Christmas morning?” Tina asked with surprise obvious in her voice, “Parker will want to get you something and I want to get you something.”

“Fine, use the Amex,” he said reluctantly, thinking to himself how pointless it was that he was going to buy himself his own Christmas presents. He felt the same way when his parents asked for money for gifts then bought him “something special” with it. It’s not special if the present comes out of his pocket. He would have appreciated it more if Tina and Parker had made him a gift.

“Maybe I’ll get my mom to watch the kids and ask Max if she wants to go shopping. It’ll be nice to go with someone else,” Tina said excitedly, resting her chin on his shoulder.

Nick tensed, that was definitely not what he wanted to hear, “I don’t think you should hang around with her that much.”

He couldn’t see her face because his eyes were still closed and the only light on in the room was the dim bedside lamp but she still looked at him with a shocked expression, “Why? I like her.”

“I don’t,” he countered, “There’s something about her. She comes off as a bit of a bitch.”

“No one said you have to hang out with her,” Tina muttered, putting her cheek back down on his chest. She closed her eyes, not wanting to get into an argument with him about it. If he didn’t want her to hang out with Max she could respect that but it didn’t mean she was going to actually do what he said.

December 25, 2001 Tampa, Florida

When Nick was a child he never appreciated everything that went into being Santa Claus. Even when he was older and he knew that the man in the big red suit was actually his Dad he didn’t know what his parents had to go through in order to keep the facade going for the younger kids.

Christmas Eve had been an incredibly busy day making sure that Parker wasn’t solely focused on the presents that were sitting under the tree. They watched Christmas movies, did crafts, made cookies, anything and everything they could do to keep little prying eyes and fingers away from the perfectly wrapped gifts.

By the time they’d finished dinner (Chinese takeout – it was a Carter family tradition that Nick was keen to keep going even though he was technically the only Carter in the house other than the kids) everyone was exhausted and stuffed full of food, except Parker. He was still buzzing on a Christmas high, ready for more attention and more Christmas cookies. Two more movies and a few times reading through ‘The Night before Christmas’ and he was finally in bed asleep.

At that point Nick was longing for bed. His patience and tolerance for Parker’s excitement was only so high. He didn’t know how Tina did it. It might make him a terrible parent to think it, but sometimes Parker drove him crazy. He would have much rather spent his Christmas Eve playing Resident Evil and eating cookies himself instead of doing stupid holiday non-specific crafts. He very quickly grew tired of the whining, and the crankiness, right down to the way Parker said, ‘Daddeee’ like he was the worst person in the world for not mainlining the little boy with pure sugar.

Despite his sleepiness though, the night wasn’t over. He and Tina’s father then moved to the backyard where they started constructing a plastic play structure. Nick had picked it mostly because it was called an Adventure Lodge and it looked like something he wished he could play on. A two storey plastic castle had a small activity table on the inside and a slide leading to the outside. Attached was a set of swings and a glider, and, as per a special customization Nick had requested, the very end of the structure had a plastic basketball hoop.

Nick had been waiting for this Christmas for a while. For the past three years every time he thought of something cool to get for Parker he always got the response of 'he's too young'. Most of the good toys that didn't have the word educational written anywhere on them were for kids over three. Now though, since Parker was old enough to run, climb, and lift on his own, he could start getting him the cool toys, the toys that he wished he had when he was a kid.

The instructions looked pretty basic so Nick had promptly thrown them away once he took all the pieces out of the box. As it turned out though, it was a little more challenging to construct than they had anticipated and the two of them spent three long hours trying to figure out why they had extra pieces and what it could mean if they just "lost" them.

By the time they got it properly pieced together and covered with a tarp it was well after midnight but the night still wasn't over. Nick flopped down on the couch, watching as Tina arranged presents under the tree. They had both gone a little over the top with the gifts, but Nick figured if there was any reason to spend a lot of money it would be to spoil the kids.

"You just about ready for bed?" he asked Tina, watching her kneeling on the floor, her butt in the air as she tried to reach the presents in the back of the tree.

"Pretty much. Is there anything we're missing?" she asked, looking around at the piles of gifts.

Nick shook his head, not knowing if it was possible to add anything else to the mix. If they forgot a present then someone would just be getting it for their birthday, "I think we're good."

As soon as Tina stood up he was on his feet, heading to the stairs.

"Not so fast there Santa," Tina chuckled.

Nick looked back curiously, his dusty blonde eyebrow arched high, "What? I thought you said there was nothing else?"

Tina just grinned and pointed to the plate of cookies and carrots and glass of milk on the table, "Someone needs to eat those."

Nick pouted, staring at the plate, "Why me?"

"Because that's what Santa would do," she explained, moving over to kiss his lips quickly, "now start eating."

He let out a big sigh, staring the plate down. He had overeaten at dinner and had been snacking on cookies throughout the evening. He didn’t think there could possibly be any more room for cookies in his stomach, let alone three enormous chocolate chunk cookies at close to one in the morning.

"I'm not eating the carrots," he said as he picked up the plate, pushing the offending vegetables off to the side before starting with the first of the the cookies. He dipped them in the milk, hoping to get more into his stomach by soaking up the drink with the cookie.

"I'll take one for the team," Tina joked, reaching for the carrot sticks that were meant for the reindeer.

"Some team mate you are," Nick mumbled around a mouthful of cookie, trying to keep the crumbs in his mouth instead of on his shirt.

Tina rubbed his stomach as he polished off the last of the glass of milk, chuckling at the pitiful expression on his face, "Are you okay?"

"I ate too much," he whined, letting her pull him into a hug.

"You did such a good job," she told him sweetly, "Maybe I'll give you a reward."

Nick looked optimistic for a moment then sighed, "I don't think I can. I'm wiped."

"Where's my date book, I need to write this down. The first time Nick Carter ever turned down sex!" Tina teased him and Nick continued to pout.

"I'll never happen again," he assured her, giving her a pat on the rear before the two of them finally trudging upstairs.

~*~

Nick was sure he had just closed his eyes when he felt something on his hand. The gentle tugging became a little more insistent and he begrudgingly opened his eyes and he could feel the lack of sleep burning in the corners of his eyes.

"Daddeee," Parker whined in that familiar tone and Nick decided right then that Christmas was canceled forever just so he would never have to hear his son use that obnoxious voice ever again.

"Parker," Nick groaned in return, sounding somewhat similar to the toddler, "What time is it?" he asked rhetorically moving so he could see the clock in the dark room.

"It's Kiss-miss time," Parker replied confidently, giving Nick's pinky finger a good yank for effect.

"Stop it," Nick chastised, pulling his hand free. The clock was sitting face down on the night stand and he turned it over, letting out a grunt when he saw that it was only 3:45.Grabbing him by the back of his footie pajamas Nick scooped Parker up and dropped him unceremoniously onto the bed between himself and Tina, who was still fast asleep.

"Pwesants?" Parker wondered, ready and willing to climb back over Nick and off the bed if it meant he'd be downstairs at the tree.

"Sleep," Nick replied, pushing the boy down onto the bed. Parker squirmed around but Nick trapped him in the blankets, wrapping his arms around him to keep him from moving. He laid his head back down on the pillow, more than ready to fall back to sleep but Parker was still fighting against him, trying to get up.

"No," the little boy protested with his favourite word, pushing against his father's arm.

Nick didn't respond, instead tried to ignore him but it became impossible when Parker let out a loud wail and promptly began sobbing as if someone had just kicked his dog.

The cry was more than enough to rouse Tina who bolted straight up in bed at the sound, looking around for the source.

"What's going on?" she asked, seeing Parker wrapped up in blankets under Nick's arms. Big, dramatic tears were falling down Parker's face and Tina turned on the bedside light and grabbed some tissues.

Parker let out a choked sob, "Daddy's mean!" he proclaimed and Nick rolled his eyes, letting the boy go.

"Yeah Parker," Nick said sarcastically, "I'm so mean. I only spent a few thousand dollars on toys for you this week."

"Nick...he doesn't understand that," Tina said in a warning tone, "What happened?"

"He wants to go downstairs and open presents and it's four in the fucking morning!" he snapped, his lack of sleep bleeding through in the form of crankiness, "He won't be getting any presents at all if he keeps acting like this."

The threat only made Parker cry harder, thinking that he wasn't going to get anything at all for Christmas.

With a sigh Tina pulled the boy into her arms, wiping away his tears, "You just have to talk to him. He's not a dog, physically restraining him isn't going to make him do what you want. He's a person."

"You talk to him then," he waved her off, "I'm going back to sleep, wake me up when it's time for me to go back to work," he said, rolling over so his back was to the two of them.

Tina pet her son's blonde hair for a moment, thinking about the commonalities between the two males in the bed, how impulsive and rash they both were.

"Parker," she said softly and he looked up at her with red, tear-filled eyes, "We can't open presents without Zoey and she's still sleeping. Do you think you'll be able to wait until she's ready to get up? She'll be really sad if we open presents without her."

Parker considered the request, not knowing that Zoey wouldn't know the difference and would never remember this holiday. He certainly didn't want to do anything to upset his baby sister so he agreed, "Okay but then we open pwesants."

"Yes, I promise," Tina smiled and kissed his forehead, "I think you should go give Daddy a hug and then lay down for just a little longer."

"Okay Momma," Parker whispered. He crawled across the bed to where Nick was laying on his side facing the door. He wrapped his little arms around his father's neck as best as he could reach and although he had been faking sleep Nick's hand came up to pat his arm, "Love you," he said, kissing Nick's cheek.

"Yeah I love you too," Nick sighed, rolling onto his back. The second Nick was settled against the pillow Parker climbed onto his chest, making himself comfortable with his head tucked under his father's chin. Another sigh and Nick rubbed Parker's fleece covered back, sending a look over at Tina in the dim light of the room so she would know he was sorry for overreacting. The last thing he needed was her mad at him on what was going to be an important Christmas. 

December 25, 2001 Tampa, Florida

The entire household, except Nick, had a little game they played. It involved a phrase that was used to describe Nick walking around the house. They usually all heard it at the same time, looked up, and the first person who said “Herd of elephants” in response to the thunderous footsteps won. They didn’t win anything, but it was entertaining nonetheless.

“Herd of elephants,” Lynn said and both her husband and Tina laughed.

Nick made his way down the rest of the stairs and into the kitchen with Parker hot on his heels, “What’s so funny?” he asked after seeing everyone chuckling as he walked through the door.

The three of them gave him a look, taking in the fact that he was just in a pair of basketball shorts and nothing else, his newly acquired belly hanging slightly over the waistband. He stuck out just a little compared to the Christmas-themed pyjamas that the rest of them were sporting as part of their holiday traditions.

“Nothing sweetheart,” Tina said with a smile, “Do you want some coffee?” Her parents had come over just before seven and started the coffee, wanting to help Tina get ready for the chaos that would be Christmas. Getting Nick out of bed had been a bit of a challenge. He and Parker were still cuddled up sleeping at eight when Tina woke them up. Zoey was already up, changed, and ready for her first bottle of the day by that point so she was ready to get the show on the road.

“I would love some,” he replied, still standing just inside the doorway. Parker had been attached to his leg nearly permanently since they’d gotten up. He had a tendency to act that way any time Nick was angry with him, like he thought that if he was clingy Nick would forget he was ever mad.

“Daddy? What’s this?” Parker asked and Nick rolled his eyes. Tina just smiled and continued to pour the cup of coffee. The little boy had become very inquisitive, wanting to know what things were, how they worked, and why they existed. It could be a little grating at times, especially when there wasn’t a lot of time to answer the ‘who, what, where, when, and why’ of everything in the world but Tina thought it was cute. She found it very interesting to see how Parker seemed to develop. Every day he had a new word, or catchphrase and she couldn’t wait to see him perfect the art of getting up and down his new slide once he opened his gifts.

“My pocket,” he answered, pulling the boy’s fingers out of his pocket.

“Daddy, what’s this?”

“My bellybutton.”

“Daddy, what’s this?”

“Ow!” Nick yelled out, alarming everyone in the room. He was hunched over, holding a hand protectively over the family jewels, “None of your business! That’s what it is!”

Parker’s chin was quivering and Tina immediately swooped in, picking him up and bouncing him slightly in her arms.

“We’re gonna open presents! Do you want to see what Santa brought you?” she asked in an excited voice but Parker was still looking at his father. He held his arms out to Nick, his eyes ready to spill over with tears.

Nick had his arms crossed over his chest, staring back at Parker with the same blue eyes, “No, I don’t want to hold you. You hurt me.”

“Nick, it’s Christmas,” Tina pleaded, “Please. His birthday was ruined; please don’t ruin this for him.”

“Are you insinuating that I ruined his birthday? Do you know everything I had to do to get an hour off to talk to him? His birthday was only ruined by his shitty attitude,” Nick said stubbornly, still not making a move towards Parker who was practically horizontal in his efforts to reach his Dad.

“He’s three,” Lynn interjected, not able to sit by and watch a fight break out on Christmas morning, “He has an attitude because he doesn’t know how else to express himself. He’s still learning how to do that. The rest of the time his attitude is bad because he learns bad habits from you.”

The older woman got out of her seat and moved to Tina, pulling Parker into her arms, “That was Daddy’s penis you grabbed,” she told him frankly, and Nick turned red with embarrassment at both the sound of the word and the fact that it came out of Lynn’s mouth, “You can’t pull on it because it hurts Daddy a lot.”

“Like me?” Parker asked, his eyes drifting southward.

“Just like you,” Lynn agreed, “And you don’t want to hurt Daddy do you?”

Parker shook his head innocently, his eyes flitting from his grandmother over to his father and back, “No. We open pwesants now?”

All the adults let out a sigh of relief with the question, glad that the awkwardness could finally be over.

“Go into the living room and we’ll be right in,” Lynn instructed the boy putting him down on the ground so he could scamper off, “Now as for you...” she pointed at Nick, “Play nice. Have a bath with him later and explain to him what he did. For now though, control your temper, he’s the one who gets to act like a little kid not you.”

Nick glared at the older woman, biting back the vile comment he had prepared in his head for her, “He’s my son, not yours-” he said but before he could continue a plastic bottle was slapped against his chest.

“Feed Zoey and just shut your mouth for an hour if you’re going to be hateful?” Tina asked and Nick’s eyes went wide, surprised by her outburst. She generally wasn’t the type to stand up to him, especially not in front of her parents. She usually just had her mother fight her battles for her.

He grabbed the bottle and stared her down, “You guys are the ones turning this into something it’s not.”

“You’re so blind,” Tina shook her head, “And so selfish. This is Parker’s day. Stop being a Backstreet Boy for a little while and just be his Dad? Please?”

Nick played with the bottle in his hand and Tina could tell he was trying not to react. She held her ground though, keeping eye contact with him until he finally turned around and left to get Zoey out of her playpen.

~*~

He mentally kicked himself as he picked the baby up, cradling her in his arms. He didn’t know why he acted the way he did. It was as if he had no control over his emotions, no filter between his brain and his mouth. He had told himself he wasn’t going to fight with Tina on Christmas, and he didn’t want to be mad at Parker ever.

With a sigh Nick sat down on the couch, Zoey laid across his forearm drinking from her bottle greedily. He hadn’t meant to overreact with Parker, but he got so worried and had freaked out when the little boy was sticking his little fingers in his pocket.

“Daddy is these all for me?” Parker asked and Nick glanced up to see him rooting through the presents under the tree.

“Yup, they’re all for you. It’s because we love you,” he answered, his eyes drifting back down to Zoey who looked practically catatonic despite the fact that she was still steadily eating from her bottle.

His hand drifted to his pocket and he felt the small box sitting there. This was supposed to be a special morning. He was going to ask Tina to marry him, the proper way. That was his Christmas present to her.

He had a long conversation with his Dad who had convinced him that it was only fair for him to give something to Tina for all the things that she had given to him. His father had told him that if all Tina ever wanted from him was a ring and a wedding he should consider himself a lucky man. The more he thought about it he realized he didn’t have any immediate plans on being with anyone else. He wanted to make this family work and he knew that the only person holding back their happiness was him.

He couldn’t seem to stop screwing things up though. It was like he was allergic to doing the right thing. He shouldn’t have gotten angry over Parker, he knew that, but he mostly reacted that way because he hated that Lynn was always so quick to judge him. He had never been a father before and he was never given the opportunity to make mistakes. She was always on him telling him what he was doing wrong, telling him what he needed to do before he could figure it out for himself. He couldn’t get the opportunity to live and learn because there was always someone looking over his shoulder to make sure he never made a mistake.

“Daddy? What does this say?” Parker said, holding up a box close to Nick’s face.

“It says to Nick,” he answered and Parker looked concerned, his brow furrowed in a way that reminded him of his own reflection, “What’s wrong buddy?”

“Daddy...” Parker said breathily, “We have to call Santa! Quick!”

“What’s wrong now?” Tina asked as she came into the room and put Nick’s coffee down on the table in front of him.

“We have to call Santa!” Parker repeated, his eyes panicked, “He bwought us the wong pwesants!”

“What do you mean?” Nick couldn’t help but laugh. He handed Zoey over to Tina to burp her and pulled Parker to stand between his knees.

“That is for Nick,” Parker said as he pointed to the box, enunciating the words as if his father would have a hard time following along, “We have Nick’s pwesants. Nick has ours! We have to call Santa!”

His childish innocence was exactly what was needed to break the ice. The adults couldn’t help but laugh and Nick pulled Parker into a tight hug.

“I’m Nick,” he clarified, running a hand over Parker’s hair, “Those presents are for me. That’s my name.”

“Your name is Daddy,” Parker clarified matter-of-factly, “Change it on the Santa list next year please.”

“I will,” Nick assured him with a quick kiss on the forehead, “I’ll let him know right away. Now let’s open some presents!”

“Yay!” Parker yelled, practically nose-diving under the tree to get his loot.

December 25, 2001 Tampa Florida

“If you glare at the window any harder you’re going to break the glass.”

The sound of her mother’s words made Tina turn from where she was standing at the kitchen island.

“What do you mean?” she asked before returning to chopping vegetables for dinner.

“You,” Lynn said while quickly checking on the turkey which was roasting in the oven, “You’re not even looking at what you’re cutting. You’re glaring at the window so hard you’re either going to cut off all your fingers or break the glass.”

Tina sighed, “Sorry,” she said, looking back down to the cutting board so she wouldn’t injure herself.

After the morning’s initial drama things had seemed to cool off and go smoothly. Zoey was oblivious to everything that was happening; she just sat propped up against the arm of the couch while an endless amount of little outfits were held up against her. The rest of the time she slept. Parker on the other hand had lost his mind with excitement. It was worse than the after Halloween sugar high he’d had just a few months prior. He tore the paper off of his presents, acting as if each one were the greatest thing he’d ever received, or ever witnessed in his life. Until, of course, he’d seen the play structure in the back yard. After that every pair of khakis from his grandparents, and every DVD or toy from his mother and sister were worthless compared to the joy that only his father could bring him. When Nick brought Parker out to see the Adventure Lodge the little boy had clutched his chest, and gasped for air, showing off the knack for drama that had been passed down in his Dad’s genes.

Nick had tried for the first little while to play with Parker in the lodge but the cramped space was not meant to be enjoyed by adults, especially not ones as tall as him. Now he was stationed at the bottom of the slide, acting like an elevator. Parker would slide into his arms and Nick would scoop him up and transfer him back to the top again.

“Parker should be wearing a sweater,” Lynn commented as she followed Tina’s line of sight out to the backyard, “Nick should have put a sweater on him. It’s probably only 60 degrees.”

“Nick doesn’t think of things like that,” the younger woman sighed, putting down the knife in her hand to grab one of Parker’s hoodies out of the closet.

She carried it out the patio door, smiling slightly at the happy squeals that greeted her as soon as she stepped into the backyard.

“Parker!” she called out as she rounded the pool and headed for the plastic playground, “Honey come put a sweater on.”

“No Mommy, I’m sliding,” Parker said, poking his head out the window of the second floor of the lodge.

“Parker,” Tina said in a warning tone, putting her hands on her hips.

“Baby, he’s fine,” Nick told her, moving to the bottom of the slide to wait for the boy, “It’s warm enough. He doesn’t need a sweater.”

She hated that he seemed to have the answer for everything. Right then, as far as she was concerned, he didn’t have the authority to tell her anything about Parker. He didn’t know him; he didn’t know his needs or how to take care of him.

“I didn’t ask you,” she snapped testily, “Parker come down her right now and put on a sweater.”

“NO!” the boy’s voice came drifting out from behind the plastic walls and Tina let out a frustrated grunt.

“It’s fine,” Nick repeated, moving towards her, “I’ll take the sweater. If he gets cold it’ll be here for him. Just let him play.”

Tina took a few deep breaths, grinding her teeth to keep her emotions at bay, “Fuck you,” she spat, throwing the small sweater at him before he could reach her.

Tina never swore in front of the kids, and he was pretty sure he had rarely ever heard her drop an f-bomb, so Nick knew something was up.

“What’s wrong?” he asked wide eyed, glancing back quickly to check on what Parker was doing, “Did I do something wrong?”

“I can’t believe you even have the balls to ask me that,” she said sadly, shaking her head at him.

“Baby...”

“Don’t,” Tina instructed firmly, her arms tight over her chest. Without another word she turned around and walked into the house, slamming the patio door behind her in the process.

Her breath was coming in shaky gasps as she walked through the house, ignoring her mother’s pleading inquiry as to what had happened in the backyard. Biting back a sob Tina walked upstairs, quickly looking in on Zoey before walking into the master bedroom. She barely got the door closed before the tears came and she threw herself down on the bed to cry.

~*~

Nick quickly made his way over to the guest house, poking his head in the door. Tina’s father was on the couch watching some old Christmas movie on television.

“Can you keep an eye on Park for a second?” he asked and the older man nodded, lumbering outside to watch his grandson.

Nick didn’t know for sure what was going on with Tina but he did have a slight inclination. He walked quickly through the house, taking the steps two at a time.  The bedroom was dark as he swung the door open but he could clearly make out Tina’s form lying on the bed. He closed the door and crossed the room, sitting down next to her.

“Are you going to talk to me?” he asked her, hearing her sniffle.

“I want you to leave me alone Nick,” Tina muttered, not turning her face away from the pillow.

He wasn’t sure if this was some kind of woman thing. He wasn’t sure if maybe her mood could be attributed to hormones or something else but he was going to tread lightly regardless.

“I’m not going to leave you alone so you better start talking,” he put simply.

He had expected that she would relent and give up the fight and just tell him what the problem was but instead she bolted off the bed and out the door faster than he could acknowledge what had happened.

“Tina!” he yelled, following after her down the stairs. He found her standing in the living room looking at the Christmas tree with the piles of presents underneath.

“What is going on?” Lynn asked from the doorway and Nick waved her off.

“None of your business,” he told her sternly, holding up his hand before turning back to the younger woman, “Baby, tell me what’s wrong.”

“What’s wrong?!” Tina exclaimed, throwing her hands up in the air. She turned around so Nick could see the tears pooling in her red tinged eyes and rolling down her cheeks. With a power that she didn’t know she had Tina reeled back then lashed out, slapping him firmly on the cheek.

“What the hell?!” Nick exclaimed, his hand coming to his face, “Are you insane?! You just hit me!”

“I can’t believe you didn’t get me anything for Christmas! You asshole! Do you know how embarrassing that was? You got presents for my parents and you hate them but you didn’t get me a single thing? Not even a card?!”

His cheek stung, but not as much as her words did. He deserved it though. He had backed out of his plans to propose at the last second, wanting to wait for a better time. He was scared that after her anger in the morning it would seem like he was trying to placate her and it wouldn’t be as special. So during the flurry of the presents he had moved the one wrapped present he had for her and hoped she wouldn’t notice the difference. Apparently, she had.

“It’s not like that,” he tried to explain but the tears kept coming; “I did get you something.”

“Liar,” she cried, “Where is it then? Aren’t I important to you?”

Nick let out a heavy sigh, running his hands through his hair, “You’re so important to me. You have no idea...”

“You’re right!” Tina exclaimed, throwing her arms out in frustration, “I don’t have any idea because you never tell me!”

Nick didn’t know what to do. The situation was lose/lose. Either he told her what the real present was and risk her saying know because she was angry or he gave her nothing which would potentially ruin any future chance he had with her.

“Would you tell me what’s going on, already? Why are you two yelling again?” Lynn asked, unable to just ignore what was happening in the house as she walked into the room wiping her hands on an apron.

“Just...” Nick held his hand up to her again, the other hand on his hip, trying to maintain his composure, “Would you butt out of our lives for five minutes? Can we not deal with anything without you being there sticking your nose in it?”

“You two can’t deal with anything. All you do is fight!” Lynn exclaimed, “Your relationship, if that’s what you want to call it, is completely toxic! Nothing good can come of this! You’re out of control, Nick!”

“Would you just shut up for once?”

Nick was surprised that the question didn’t come out of his mouth. He looked at Tina, completely surprised to see her tell her mother off.

Tina wiped her eyes, “The most important words you just said were ‘your relationship’. It is our relationship, Mother. Your constant criticism of him is part of what keeps this fight going. I have accepted him despite all of his flaws and I’m the only one who needs to. I appreciate everything you do for us but you need to let us live our lives.”

Lynn let out a surprised scoff. She had done more than her fair share for Tina and for Nick. They had moved there on a whim to help her daughter take care of her kids and had never judged her. When she had told them she was pregnant with Parker they never said two negative words to her about the fact that she was essentially ruining her life. She believed that the sacrifices she had made for her family gave her a right to voice her opinion.

“Destroy each other,” the older woman said with a roll of her eyes before heading back into the kitchen to keep prepping for Christmas dinner.

Nick wanted to smile, he wanted to jump for joy and congratulate Tina for what she’d said. It was what he had been trying to get across to her parents all along, that it didn’t matter what they thought of him because he wasn’t in a relationship with them.

“I did get you something,” he said, deciding right then and there that he had to go ahead with his plans, “I just need to go get it. Stay right here?”

Tina wiped at her eyes again, her body still in a defensive position, “I have nowhere else to go,” she whispered as Nick ran off towards his games room.

December 25, 2001 Tampa Florida

The paper was silver and covered in metallic candy canes and at least half a pound of tape holding it all on. The box was small and rectangular and definitely wouldn’t hold anything that was more than paper thin. As she held it in her hand Tina couldn’t figure out for the life of her why Nick couldn’t have given this to her in the morning and she hoped that after she opened it there would be an explanation.

At some point both of her parents had come into the house and Tina could tell they were lingering around the living room in the hopes of finding out what was going on. She glanced up quickly to see her father pass by the door with Parker and she wished for just a moment that they could be alone for once. She couldn’t remember the last time she and Nick were actually alone, not just shut away in their bedroom away from everyone.

“Open it,” Nick encouraged her. He was kneeling on the couch in front of where she was sitting, his hand lingering around the kangaroo pocket on his sweatshirt where the ring box was now.

Another swipe took care of the tears that were lingering around her eyes and she took a deep breath, trying to compose herself before she reached for the end of the paper.

“Wait! Don’t open it!”

Tina let out a frustrated cry and gave him a perplexed look, “Open it, don’t open it, what do you want me to do?” she asked curiously.

“I need to tell you something first,” Nick said with a heavy breath, “It’s important.”

“Nick,” the faucet had reopened on her tears and she reached forward to touch the red mark on his cheek from where she’d hit him; “Please just tell me. I don’t know if I can take much more of this. Just be honest.”

Taking a deep breath he clasped his hand over hers and turned quickly to kiss her palm, “I’ve never told you this before. Actually, I’ve never told anyone this. That weekend in Daytona all of your friends wanted to hook up with me. Before I even finished my first drink one of them had offered to blow me in the bathroom.”

She wasn’t sure what the point of this confession was, “I don’t understand...”

“Just,” he interrupted, “Let me finish okay?”

“Okay,” Tina whispered, using her free hand to push a strand of hair out of her face, “Go on.”

Nick nodded and with another breath he continued, still holding tightly onto her hand for reassurance, “It’s just that... it would have been so easy to just pick one of them up but then I saw you. At first glance I thought you were beautiful and once I started talking to you at that beach party you were even more perfect. You were funny, and smart, and pretty, and you asked me questions about myself that I thought for sure that nobody cared about. I had never given a girl my email and phone number before but I gave it to you because I wanted to wake up on the bus, check my email, and find something from you. I thought if I told the guys how I felt they would say I was a pussy for pining after you. That’s what I was doing though, pining. For three months I went to sleep and woke up thinking about you. I jerked off thinking about you, I dreamt about you, and I was only with you for a weekend! You just... got me. You never called though. You never wrote. When you finally did call me it was to tell me you were pregnant. I thought... that I had ruined your life. I figured you felt like you were stuck with me and I’ve never forgiven myself for ruining your dreams.”

Tina gasped, never having expected anything like that to come out of Nick’s mouth, “I didn’t think you really wanted me to email you. I thought I was just another fling.”

“I thought it was going to be a fling,” he admitted, “I wanted to have some fun. But things changed when I realized that you were it for me.”

“Why did you never tell me any of this before?” she asked, knowing that things could have been very different if he had just been upfront about his feelings from the start.

Nick didn’t answer; instead he gave her his signature half smile and squeezed her fingers quickly before letting go.

“You can open it now.”

Her chest was heaving with anxious breath as she pulled off the paper and broke the seal on the box. She lingered for a moment over opening it, her hands shaking slightly. With a deep breath she pulled open the flaps and looked inside.

Inside the box she saw the back of two magazines tied together with ribbon and an envelope, each numbered one and two. She picked up the envelope first, sliding her finger under the flap to easily open it up. Inside she found two items. Choosing the larger of the two she pulled out a cheque. It was made out to cash with Nick’s sweeping signature on the bottom. The first thing she noticed was that the amount had been left blank. The other item was a business card. Flipping it over it read the name of a wedding planner in the area and immediately she looked up to give him a quizzical look.

Nick encouraged her to keep going and she put the two items down on the couch beside her before reaching back into the box for the magazines. She had butterflies in her stomach now as she flipped them over to see that they were both bridal magazines. Upon further inspection there was a note stuck to the top magazine. It read, ‘Wedding in a box’, and was scratched out in Nick’s messy writing.

This time when she looked up she didn’t see Nick’s encouraging face, she saw Tiffany blue. He was now on one knee, holding out the trademark blue box. She watched, transfixed on it, as he opened it up with trembling fingers. Inside sat the most beautiful diamond ring Tina had ever seen.

It was a brilliantly clear, two carat, cushion cut diamond perched on platinum, the band embedded with tiny diamonds. Tina knew that later on she would probably try to count them all because it seemed like there were millions of tiny sparkles all over it.

“I’ve been a fool,” Nick finally spoke, pulling the ring out of the box, “I was so scared, so unsure about the future, that I didn’t think that this was important. I realize now that it doesn’t matter because it’s important to you. I want you to be happy and if this ring, and a wedding, is part of what goes into making you happy then I’m on board. I don’t want to be without you. I want us to be a family and part of that is making sure that you feel safe. I want to keep you safe; I want to give you everything. Marry me.”

She was still crying, but the reasons for her tears had changed. She had waited three years for this moment. He had fought and fought, giving her endless excuses as to why getting married didn’t matter so she had never expected for him to actually propose. Sure, he had told her that they could get married after Zoey was born but they hadn’t talked about it once after that moment and she had felt guilty for talking him into it. This was all him though, all his plans and ideas and she was ecstatic.

“I don’t know...” she said and Nick’s face dropped.

“What do you mean?” his breath caught in his throat and she had to fight back the smile that was lingering at the corners of her mouth.

Finally breaking into a grin she held out her left hand, “Gotcha! Finally I get you back for all of those mean jokes you’ve played on me. Of course I’ll marry you.”

Nick let out a sigh of relief and laughed, “You did get me,” he agreed, pretending to wipe sweat off his forehead, “You had me going there for a second.”

He slipped the ring onto her finger, both of them just staring for a moment, realizing that this was it and it was real.

“Perfect,” she said quietly, referring to how well the ring moulded to her finger.

“You’re perfect,” he told her, leaning forward for a kiss.

“You’re not wrong,” Tina teased just before his lips touched hers gently.

She couldn’t believe this was how the day was going to end. A few hours ago she was more than certain that this Christmas was going to go down in history as being the worst of her entire life. She was unhappy, was being greeted by a fight at every turn, and most of all thought that the person she loved didn’t care about her enough to get her something as simple as a Christmas gift. It wasn’t so much the materialistic side of her that cared; though knowing that Nick had a Guinness World Record hanging on his office wall for making more money in the previous year than any other musician in the world didn’t really help her mentally justify why there was nothing for her under the tree. It was mostly her pride that had been hurt, and she didn’t think that there was anything Nick could do to fix it. He had a knack for proving her wrong though.

January 02, 2002 Tampa, Florida

His lips dropped to the side of her neck and he breathed deeply, admiring the perfume she was wearing for the evening. He used his teeth slightly, nipping at her skin as he made his way up towards her ear. His hands slid across the flat plane of her stomach, pulling her flush against his chest.

Tina giggled and Nick felt his pants tighten at the sound. He was drunk and she was amused.

“Nick, you’re so wasted,” she laughed, not exactly sober herself.

She had been buzzing after her first drink, and had only managed to follow it up with two more before she was in a bad place. She had immediately switched to water but Nick had kept the drinks coming to his side of the table to catch up with her.

“You’re wasted,” he countered, laughing as she turned around in his arms and wrapped hers around his neck.

Tina’s smile was huge and she went up on her tiptoes to give him a quick kiss, “I at least have an excuse. This is the first time I’ve ever been out drinking I’m supposed to be a lightweight!”

“Let’s dance!” Nick exclaimed, grabbing Tina by the hand to pull her out onto the busy dance floor.

Things had been nearly perfect since Christmas Day when Nick had proposed save for the occasional disagreement. Tina used every moment that she could to admire her engagement ring and smile at Nick. It wasn’t an instant cure for their relationship, they knew that. They both knew that they had a lot of things to work on but they had decided to call a truce at least until the glow wore off.

The first post Christmas conversation they had was with her parents. It was at Nick’s insistence that they get both of them in the same room and set out some ground rules. He had explained to them that although they were appreciative of everything, and wanted them both to be involved in the kid’s lives in every way, they needed to take a step back. He’d told them how badly he wanted an opportunity to try and make it as a family, but in order to do that he had to be able to make a mistake here and there. He’d given them a set of rules that included knocking before entering the house, not coming over while people were still in bed, and not passing judgment on his actions in his own home. It was an awkward conversation but it all needed to be said.

Nick was tired of not being able to walk around his own house in his underwear, or have sex with his girlfriend in the middle of the afternoon (nap time was often the only chance they had together) without running the risk of one of her parents waltzing into the house.

In exchange Nick had promised to give them the same amount of respect in return. He would keep his comments as long as they did. He was willing to give anything a try for Tina, Parker, and Zoey.

Tina’s father was more than happy to agree. He had decided since it seemed like they weren’t going anywhere for a while that he was going to go back to work. He was bored of sitting at home and tired of all the drama that came along with Nick and Tina and Nick couldn’t blame him. Lynn on the other hand had a more difficult time with it. She didn’t like that Nick got to call all the shots but she eventually agreed. As long as he kept paying the bills and stopped lashing out at them she would keep her opinions to herself, or, at least, try to.

One of the Mulligan’s Christmas presents to the two of them had been a few free nights out. They were originally going to use one of them the previous night and ring in the New Year with a night on the town but Parker had started feeling sick as they were getting ready to head out the door so they delayed their plans until the next night.

Tina didn’t care what night they went out, she was just excited that she got to actually accompany Nick to a club for some fun. She had never been out partying with him before; she only ever got to hear the war stories the next day of his good times with his friends. In the past she had either been pregnant, breastfeeding, or pregnant again and the last person that Nick wanted to take along to a club.

There were a few things that she hadn’t been expecting on her first night out with her soon-to-be-husband. She hadn’t expected drinking to be so fun (her only real experience being seeing either her father or Nick hung over the next day) and she hadn’t expected Nick to be such a bad dancer. He danced for a living practically but he was such a white boy in his freestyle.

Tina couldn’t help but laugh at him as he flailed around, narrowly missing hitting people with his arms before he made his way back to her.

“You’re crazy!” she laughed, wrapping her arms around his neck.

Nick’s cheeks were flushed from the drinking and the dancing and he smiled lazily at her, “Let’s call your mom and tell her we’re not coming home tonight. We’ll get a hotel and have loud, crazy, monkey sex all night.”

Tina laughed, her cheeks blushing pink though he couldn't see it for the club's strobe lights, "Right, because I'm so loud!"

"Who said you were the loud one?" he teased, leaning down to kiss her passionately. He reluctantly pulled away, pulling slightly on her bottom lip, "Go call your mom and we'll get out of here. I need to piss first so I'll meet you outside."

"Charming," she chuckled, kissing his chin, "I'll call, you pee."

Nick grinned and slapped her on the ass as he walked away, heading towards the bathrooms. Tina just shook her head and walked towards the door, pulling out her cell phone at the same time. It was late so she was unsure whether her parents would even be awake at that point. Her mother was going to stay over at their place until they got home but given that it was nearly two in the morning she was likely asleep.

Tina could feel eyes on her as she dialled the number and self consciously pulled at the hem of her black mini skirt, wishing it had just a few more inches of fabric. It was probably the last time she ever let Nick give his opinion on her wardrobe choices.

The phone rang and rang before finally going to voicemail and Tina sighed, hoping her mother thought to check the machine if she woke up.

"Hey, it's me," she spoke into the phone, "Just wanted to let you know we're going to get a room for the night. Nick drank a bit too much and he wants to crash," she lied, hoping she didn't sound too intoxicated herself on the message, "Call me if you need anything."

She hung up and thought to herself that she would have to listen back to that message later just to see if it made any sense or if it only had in her head at the time.

"Tina?" someone called out and she felt the hair stand up on the back of her neck at the familiar sound of the voice.

After taking a deep breath she turned, her eyes scanning the door for Nick as soon as she saw an unmistakable head of ginger coloured hair heading towards her.

"Wes," she said with a tinge of nervousness in her voice, "What are you doing here?"

After their fight Nick and Wes hadn't spoken a word to each other. It wasn't as though Wes hadn't tried though. He had sent a few apologies Nick's way all of which had been ignored. It wasn't a big deal to Nick to lose a friend, he knew he would have more and given the circumstances this had been a friendship he had been happy to dissolve.

The red head laughed, motioning toward the club, "Partying. What are you doing here? Are you here alone?"

She shook her head, about to answer when he interrupted, "I've been calling you for months. I wanted to apologize for what happened in the summer. I was way out of line. It was a misunderstanding. Did you say you were here alone?"

When Tina went to answer she was interrupted for a second time. This time though it was Nick that cut her off, completely oblivious to the fact that anyone else was standing next to her.

"Baby!" he exclaimed, doing a quick check behind him at the club before he reached her, "A huge fight just broke out in there! I barely got to the door. I think someone called the cops, we should probably get a cab before they get here."

"I'll take that as a no," Wes said and Nick's head snapped around so fast Tina was worried he'd pull something.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" the blond demanded, his stance immediately becoming defensive, "I thought I told you to never speak to her again."

Wes rolled his eyes at the other man and laughed, "Right, because you get to decide who she talks to."

"I do," Nick snapped and Tina didn't dare try to correct him given the fact that he was drunk and now angry. She knew that he wasn't being honest but his ego and pride often got in the way of the truth. As long as she knew the truth she was happy to let him run his mouth.

"You're just a bully," Wes challenged, "You act like you're hot shit because you know that if you weren't loaded and weren't a celebrity nobody would like you. Not a single person wants to be your friend because you're not a good person, Nick."

Nick didn't prove Wes wrong as he immediately grabbed him by the front of his shirt and pushed him up against the side of the building. Tina sighed and put her hands on her hips, watching the two of them get into it for the second time. None of them noticed another man armed with a camera walk up to the altercation and start snapping.

"Come on Nick," she said with annoyance clear in her voice, "The last time this happened I'm the one that ended up with a black eye!"

"Hey Backstreet Boy, you beat your girlfriend?" the paparazzo asked and Nick turned just in time to be blinded by a camera flash.

The moment of blindness was enough time to Wes to get away from Nick and take off, yelling threats of lawsuits as he made his way back to his friends.

"C'mon dude," Nick urged the photographer, "Don't start shit."

This time he was serious. This wasn't just some asshole he wanted to beat in a pissing contest this was serious business. He had tried very hard to make sure that Tina and the kids never made it into newspapers or magazines. Parker in particular, had been in the media a couple of times, mostly because he was likely to be found out with Nick alone. They very rarely went out as a family which kept the attention away from them. No one had ever seen Zoey and it had been years since Tina's photo had found its way into a magazine and he wanted to keep it that way.

"She just said it man," the man laughed, still clicking away on his camera, "She said you gave her a black eye."

"No!" Tina exclaimed, "That's not what I said at all!"

The camera was turned on her and she squinted hard against the bright light, using her hand to defend herself against the flash.

"Hey!" Nick called, grabbing the guy by the arm, "Don't take pictures of her! Take all the pictures of me that you want but don't take pictures of my fiancée."

"Fiancée?" the pap asked, his interest piqued, "That's new. That smells like an exclusive to me!"

Nick reached for the camera but the guy was too fast, quickly moving out of his grasp, "How much do you want?"

"For what?" the guy asked, camera still poised to keep shooting.

"The picture," Nick explained, "I'll give you whatever you want."

"Nick it's not worth it," Tina warned him, watching cautiously out of the corner of her eye at a group of police officers that were dealing with the fight that had been ongoing in the club. One of the cops broke off from the pack and started making his way over to them. Tina tried to get Nick's attention but he was engrossed in bargaining with the paparazzo. The other man was making veil threats about who he would sell the pictures to and she could tell Nick was getting frustrated.

"Nick," she tried again, pinching his bicep. He only ignored her, pleading with the photographer to delete the pictures.

Tina could feel her heart pounding a little faster as the cop finally reached them, instructing them to move along.

She never could have expected what happened next. The initial warnings from the officer were ignored by the two men with Nick finally trying to convince the cop of wrongdoing on the part of the photographer. The three of them argued before Nick was instructed, by name, to get lost.

"What about him?" Nick demanded to know, pointing to the other man, "He was taking pictures of me!"

"You celebrities give me a headache," the cop said with a roll of his eyes, "This isn't Hollywood, no one cares about you here. I told you to leave, now leave."

"You know who I am... so you're picking on me because I'm famous? Aren't you supposed to be impartial?" Nick asked, unable to believe that the other guy was just going to walk away without any words from the police.

"I'm going to count to three and if I don't see you walking away you're going to have a bigger problem than some guy taking pictures of your pretty boyband face," the cop warned, which only set Nick off on another rant about police harassment.

Tina could only watch, frozen with fear, as the cop reacted to Nick's hostility. He had him on his knees on the ground in a flash and had handcuffs on him just as quickly. He radioed to another one of the cops then made a big show of parading Nick in front of the people out in front of the club like a freshly hunted buck, as if having a celebrity in handcuffs were something to be proud of.

She could see that Nick was fighting to turn around but she couldn't find it in herself to move towards him. Finally he was turned around as the cop opened up the back door to his cruiser and Nick started to tell her something but before he could finish he was pushed into the back of the car.

'Wait' she wanted to yell but her voice was caught in her throat along with a lump of emotion. She didn't know what to do. She looked around quickly and realized as the cop car started to drive away that everyone that hadn't been looking in the back of the cruiser was looking at her. She ground her teeth to keep the tears at bay while trying to think of what to do.

Her parents didn't pick up the last time she had called, but she could always try again. She turned her back to the group of people and started scrolling quickly through her cell phone, looking for anybody that could help. It scared her slightly to think that she was incredibly helpless without Nick. She had let herself become completely dependent on him to the point that she didn't even know how she was going to get home. She had no car, no money, no idea of how to get Nick out of jail, or even where she would be able to find him.

Tina ran an anxious hand through her hair, tugging on the ends slightly as she willed herself to think harder. Finally it came to her, the one person who would be able to help her. Finding the number in her phone number she hit send and waited until a groggy voice picked up on the other end.

"Hi, it's Tina," she introduced, "I'm sorry for calling so late but... I need your help."

January 02, 2002 Tampa, Florida

The rest of the night had been a blur. It took hours to finally track down where Nick had been taken to and when they finally got to the right precinct he had been taken to be arraigned at the courthouse. Tina was exhausted and starting to feel hung-over. It was now close to 6 in the morning, and she was getting anxious to just be at home and in bed. She just hoped that Nick would be able to leave once he got in front of a judge.

"Here, I got you some water."

Tina looked up and smiled at Max's reassuring face, taking the bottle of water out of her hand. She was so grateful for the other woman. She had only known her for a couple of months but Max came to her rescue when she needed her most, no questions asked. She was the only person that Tina could think to call that would have any inclination of what to do. Her kids were old enough to look after themselves so Max had gone down to the club and picked Tina up then took the initiative in finding out where Nick had been booked and what the process was after that.

"How am I ever going to repay you for all of this?" Tina asked with a sigh as Max sat down in the chair next to her.

The older woman reached out and rubbed Tina's back quickly, "I'm sure some day I'll need a favour from you and you will be more than helpful."

"I don't know how helpful I could be. I'm pretty useless," Tina said quietly, picking at a hangnail on her thumb.

Max didn't say anything, only sighed and sat back in her seat, eyeing the younger woman carefully. She was continually astounded by how little Tina thought of herself. She was pretty sure it was partial due to a lot of negative reinforcement from Nick, but she knew that it went a lot deeper than that. From the stories she heard about Tina's parents Max knew that her mother's control issues were also a contributing factor. Nick and Lynn seemed to be more alike than either of them would probably ever admit.

Every time they heard the buzzer sound to open the door to the back portion of the precinct Tina would look up anxiously only to be disappointed. So far it had been other cops, or random people getting released but no Nick. They hadn't heard from him at all so they weren't even certain that he was going to be coming out the door any time in the near future but with how often Tina had been bugged the desk Sergeant they were probably anxious to get him out.

The door buzzed again and a familiar blond head came out the door, looking a bit worse for wear. Nick gave a glance around the waiting area finally spotting Tina who was now standing and waving him over.

Nick looked angry as he crossed the waiting room but both women figured that considering the circumstances a little anger was too be expected.

"Are you okay?" Tina asked with a sigh of relief, her hands reaching out for him.

He said nothing and bypassed her embrace; instead he went around her, picking up her purse off the chair. Tina protested as he opened it up and started rummaging through the pockets until he pulled out her cell phone.

He held it in front of her face condescendingly, “You know how they always talk about your ‘one phone call’? Well they aren’t kidding when they say you only get one. It probably would have been really great if you’d had your fucking cell phone on so I didn’t get your voicemail. How many times have I told you to make sure it’s turned on?”

Tina gasped, shaking her head slightly as she tried to think of when she would have turned the phone off. She was terrible for making sure that she had the phone with her, and even worse at making sure it was actually on but she was sure that after she’d called Max she’d simply put it back in her purse.

“The battery must have died,” she admitted regrettably, “I’m sorry.”

Nick tossed the phone back into her purse and pushed it into her arms, “You’re sorry? You’re not the one who thought you were going to be spending the day in jail. You didn’t think I would try to get a hold of you? You’re so stupid sometimes.”

Max couldn’t tolerate listening to him berate the poor girl anymore and she stood up, glaring at Nick, “Hey,” she said with a warning tone, “Don’t you realize what she has been through tonight too? Finding you wasn’t easy and waiting in this room for hours not knowing when you or if you could leave wasn’t exactly a walk in the park either. You’re the one who got arrested, it’s not her fault.”

Nick sighed and ran his hands through his hair. As much has he would never want to admit it, Max was right. It wasn’t Tina’s fault he ended up in the position he did.

“You’re right,” he said to the shock of both women, “I’m sorry,” he directed to Tina, pulling her into a hug. Her body shook slightly in his arms from a combination of exhaustion and emotion and he tucked her head under his chin, “I’m sorry,” he repeated with a kiss to her forehead.

The lack of sleep and drama of the night bubbled over and Tina bit back a sob, “I’m so glad you’re okay. I was so worried about you.”

“I’m fine,” he assured her, tightening his arms around her, “I just want to go home. Can we go home?”

“I’ll bring the car around,” Max told them, wanting to give them a moment alone.

They both watched the older woman walk out the front door to the precinct and Tina let out a sigh of relief. She leaned up slightly and dropped a kiss to his unshaven chin, “So is everything taken care of now? Did you have to pay a fine or something?”

With a shake of his head Nick pulled away, keeping one arm around her shoulders as they walked side-by-side towards the door.

“No,” he answered bitterly, “They let me go on my own recognizance or whatever but I’m still being charged. I have a court date at the end of next month. I need to get a lawyer...”

“What are they charging you with?!” Tina asked wide-eyed. She couldn’t really figure out what Nick had done wrong beyond just plain old ignorance. There were so many people getting away with serious crimes out there so she expected the only reason there were actually following through with charges was just to make an example out a celebrity.

“Resisting or opposing the law and resisting arrest,” Nick explained, “I wasn’t resisting arrest! When the guy pulled out the cuffs I was more than agreeable but he says I was fighting him.”

Tina reached up and grabbed his hand which was hanging off her shoulder, “You were though... you were trying to turn around. He probably took that as you trying to get away or something. So what does that mean?”

Nick sighed and kissed her temple as they stopped at the curb to wait for Max, “I have no idea,” he admitted, “I have to talk to a lawyer soon though because I’m supposed to film that MTV appearance in two weeks and I can’t leave the state.”

Tina was still frowning when the car pulled up. She wasn’t sure what was more shocking; the fact that Nick could be in serious trouble over a few minutes of stupidity or the fact that he had never mentioned that he had to go to New York.

She was surprised when he pulled her into the backseat with him. As soon as she was sitting he laid down, using her lap as a pillow. Her thoughts continued to run as she ran her hands through his hair, watching the city pass them by as they made their way towards the suburbs.

“Thank you,” Nick whispered after a few moments of silence in the car, squeezing her knee quickly, “for rescuing me.”

“I had to,” she replied. Inside she was thinking the real reason, that she wouldn’t know what to do without him, “you’re too pretty for prison,” she teased, keeping the truth to herself.

January 02, 2002 Tampa, Florida

The rest of the drive home was quiet. Tina kept her fingers running through Nick’s hair, her nails running along his scalp lightly until she realized that he had fallen asleep. He was snoring and she was worried that he was going to drool against her bare thigh but she couldn’t help but be jealous. She had been up just as long as him, she had been the one running around trying to find him while he just had to chill out in a cell yet he was the one who got to sleep on the way home? He’d never even asked her if she was okay, or offered her any support. She was always the one giving and giving without getting anything in return. She wouldn’t complain because he now had ammunition to use against her. She knew that if she said anything he would use her engagement ring as an example of how she got what she wanted. Getting one thing out of a million wasn’t exactly her ideal but she didn’t want to seem selfish.

She lightly ran her fingernail around the shape of his ear, taking a moment to look him over. She wasn’t sure how it had happened, how she had become completely dependent on this man. She’d had a world of opportunity knocking at her door. She was strong, smart and independent and in a flash something as simple as a positive pregnancy test had turned her essentially into a servant. Nick had everything he could ever ask for; millions of dollars in the bank, an infinite amount of people who adored him, a son that held him on a pedestal and a daughter that was always happier in his arms. He had her also; the person who took care of him, washed his clothes, cared for his children, and took all of his shit no matter how dramatic it was. He had everything while she was drowning in unhappiness.

“How can you sleep next to that?” Max teased from the front seat, looking at the two quickly in the rear view mirror.

Tina glanced up at her with a smile, “He’s not always this loud. It’s just when he’s really tired that he snores this bad. I made him go to the doctor about it actually because I was paranoid he had sleep apnea or something. The first night home after tour I usually don’t get any sleep for the noise.”

As they stopped at a red light Max turned in her seat taking in Tina’s tired eyes and weary expression, “What did the doctor say?”

Tina shrugged, “Just that he snores like anyone else. He did tell him that it might not be so bad if he lost a little weight but that just made him angry. He made a huge deal out of never going back to the doctor again.”

“He’s not even that big,” Max shook her head in confusion, “So I have to ask... aren’t you tired?”

“Exhausted,” Tina answered immediately, quickly nodding her head.

“Then why are you still awake?”

Tina didn’t know how to answer that question. Why was she still awake? There was really no reason why she couldn’t have leaned her head over on the window and gotten a few minutes of sleep during the nearly half hour drive back to their house. Instead all she could think about was making sure she didn’t wake Nick up or that he didn’t wake up alone. She wasn’t sure how her brain had become programmed to only think about other people but she wished that she could remember how to think about herself.

“Home sweet home,” Max sang softly as they pulled into her driveway. She threw the car into park and Tina went about trying to wake up the sleeping giant on her lap.

“Nick,” Tina said softly, shaking his shoulder.

He grunted and rolled onto his back, his legs folded awkwardly against the door. Taking a deep breath he opened his eyes slowly, blinking against the morning light.

“We’re home,” she explained, running her thumb over his eyebrow.

He took a few deep breaths then reached up for her, “Kiss?” he asked and Tina took a quick glance to see what Max was doing outside the car before she leaned down to press her lips to his quickly. He kept her there with a hand on the back of her head, deepening the kiss before reluctantly letting her pull away.

Tina’s nose crinkled slightly, “Your breath is absolutely terrible,” she told him honestly before kissing his forehead.

“I just need a shower,” Nick agreed, his voice gravelly from his nap, “and some aspirin.”

Tina dragged Nick out of the car, both of them stretching as soon as they were out of the cramped confines of the car. After thanking Max for her hospitality they turned for home. Looking across the street everything looked quiet but it was nearly eight and Tina knew that her parents were probably already up and chasing after Parker. She made her way down the driveway and was about to step out into the street when Nick’s hand grabbed hers, linking their fingers together tightly. He gave her a reassuring squeeze as they crossed the street and made their way into the house.

~*~

The quiet that could be seen from outside the house was not actually the case on the inside. As Nick and Tina breached the front door hand in hand they were greeted with a flurry of activity. Curiously they walked through the house towards the source of the noise and discovered both of Tina’s parents talking loudly on the phone while a local morning news program played on the television.

As soon as Lynn saw the two of them in the same room she muttered a quick goodbye to the person on the phone and tossed it on the couch.

“Where the hell have you two been!?” she exclaimed wide-eyed, her hands on her hips.

“What do you mean?” Tina wondered, “Didn’t you get my message from last night that we wouldn’t be home?”

Just then the telephone started to ring again and the older woman ignored it, “I don’t know,” she admitted, “The phone has been ringing off the hook for hours; managers, and publicists, and reporters...”

“Oh fuck,” Nick cursed with a heavy sigh, “It got out that fast? Are you kidding me?”

“What’s going on?” Lynn asked bluntly, “I’ve just been blowing everyone off but your parents have called three times looking for you Nick. They told me to turn on the television, that there was going to be something on about you but we haven’t seen it yet.”

“Shh,” Tina’s fathered quieted them, moving quickly across the room to grab the remote, “this is it! It’s on!”

They all turned to the television to see a middle aged woman, blonde and dressed in a red suit, sitting behind a desk with a shoulder graphic of Nick’s face just above her.

“A Backstreet bombshell,” she announced, “The baby of the super group, 21 year old Nick Carter, lead away in handcuffs, busted after a bar room brawl here in his hometown of Tampa.  The pop star’s squeaky clean image is tarnished after police say Carter ignored orders to leave the Pop City nightclub last night. Channel 5’s Yolana Cruz is in Channelside with more...”

As if in a trance all of them moved to the long leather couch, falling into seats to watch as Nick was publically humiliated. Another woman was now on the screen, a petite Latina who was standing outside of the now closed club.

“Thanks Paula,” the woman smiled and Nick wanted to punch her perfect teeth in, “I just spoke with Tampa police who said that Nick Carter received multiple warnings to leave before he was detained and charged with resisting or opposing a police officer without violence. The officer I spoke with did say that the pop star wasn’t being violent but he wouldn’t stop arguing with a woman...”

“Bullshit!” Nick exclaimed wide eyed, unable to believe that the cop would have said he was arguing with a woman instead of with the male paparazzo. Coupled with whatever the photographer was going to say about him, and potentially what Wes might squeal about, it would look like he was fighting with Tina and that’s the last thing he needed.

“Shh,” Tina calmed him, rubbing her hand over his knee as the reporter continued.

“Eyewitnesses say Nick was drunk, loud and flashed more than the peace sign he’s usually seen showing in fan photos. A few people we spoke with who were there last night said he pulled down his pants, waved his appendage around in the air and screamed “Hey everybody I’m Nick Carter!” just before the officer intervened...”

This time it was Tina who couldn’t hold back her comment, “Now that’s just not true! How could they say that about you? It’s not true!”

Nick grabbed her hand and brought it to his mouth, kissing the back of her knuckles reassuringly. He knew that as soon as he finished listening to what supposedly happened the night before he was going to spend the rest of the day on the phone with his publicist trying to clean up the mess.

“His arrest is just the latest blow to the band’s squeaky clean image. Band mate, 23 year old AJ McLean, recently spent time in rehab for depression and alcohol abuse forcing the group to postpone their summer tour. Carter is due in court later next month. If he’s found guilty he could face up to a year in jail for misdemeanour loitering... back to you, Paula.”

Tina gasped and looked over at Nick who was still transfixed on the screen, “Is that true?” she wondered, “Could you go to jail for a year for this? Did you know that?”

Nick sighed heavily turning to look her in the eyes, “I didn’t do anything wrong,” he stressed, “That cop only arrested me because of who I am. There’s no way a judge is going to put me in jail for a year for being drunk and stupid. Besides, once I get a chance to tell people what really happened this will all fizzle out, I know it.”

“How can you be sure?” she asked, knowing her parents were anxiously listening in on their conversation.

“I’m not sure,” Nick admitted, reaching out to push a piece of hair out of her face, “I just have to hope.”

January 02, 2002 Tampa, Florida

Tina sat cross legged on the bed, watching steam pour out of the bathroom door. Her brain was completely occupied thinking about everything that could happen in a year; the year that the reporter on the television had mentioned. She figured that Nick was probably right; a judge wouldn’t put him away for a year just for being an idiot. He would probably get a fine and walk away with a slap on the wrist. The possibility was still there though and the thought frightened her. Sure he wasn’t home for the majority of the year as it was but Tina couldn’t imagine a year without Nick. It would be even harder for the kids. He would miss way too much.

She could feel her chest tightening and she inhaled deeply, letting the breath out with a whoosh of air. In an attempt to distract herself she got up off the bed and started picking up the clothes that Nick had left strewn across the floor. They were like a trail leading from the middle of the room to the bathroom where the final item, a pair of grey boxer briefs, was lying just inside the door.

After tossing the clothes in the hamper she stopped for a moment to watch him through the glass shower door. She hadn’t always loved the shower in their master bathroom, but it was part of the reason that Nick wanted to buy the house.  It was a huge double shower with heated glass floors and black slate walls. As per Nick’s special request there were surround sound speakers pumping music in from a console in the wall. Tina had initially been hesitant to use the shower because the large glass doors weren’t frosted, they were crystal clear, but eventually she had come to appreciate them. For her it meant she could still take a shower while watching Zoey in the bedroom and for Nick it meant he could get his stalker on. She chuckled to herself, thinking that she was the stalker this time.

The sound of her light laughing caught Nick’s attention and he turned quickly, surprised to see someone else in the bathroom. Reaching out he swung the shower door open, raising an eyebrow in her direction.

“What’s up?” he asked, wondering why she was just standing there staring. He had never been particularly modest, quite the opposite in fact, but he still found it unusual for her to watch him shower.

Tina shrugged, crossing her arms over her chest, “I’m just thinking about this whole situation.”

“Don’t worry about it,” he stressed to her, “I’m going to take care of it.”

She scoffed, “You mean a team of lawyers and publicists are going to take care of it, right?”

“Yeah,” he nodded, taking a moment to look her over; still in a red long sleeved shirt and black skirt from the night before, “Come here.”

Tina rolled her eyes slightly, “Why?”

“Because,” Nick answered, “You didn’t come in here to watch me in the shower because you were concerned about last night. I have a feeling you were checking me out.”

She chuckled and watched as he reached out his dripping wet hand for her to take, “You think everyone is checking you out.”

“Everyone is,” he said with a cocky smirk, giving her a full smile when she put her hand in his, “I’m pretty easy on the eyes. Or so I’ve been told...”

“Yeah, you’re both pretty and easy,” Tina nodded her head in agreement, keeping eye contact with him as she peeled off her top and he slid her skirt and panties down her legs. Once she was free of the confines of her clothes he led her by the hand into the shower and under the water’s warm spray.

“Why are you so sad?” Nick asked, tipping Tina’s head back to wet her hair. He kept his hands running over her locks, surprised to see tears pooling in her eyes. She had spent way too much time crying lately, he thought to himself.

“You know how little you ask me that?” she questioned curiously, “All I ever want is for someone to ask me how I’m feeling every once in a while but everything is always about you.”

“Would you have preferred that it was you that got arrested? That way you could be the one on television and everyone would say it was you that whipped it out in front of a crowd of people,” he teased, leaning down to kiss her cheek where a tear was burning a trail away from her eye.

Tina let out a frustrated grunt, “No, it’s not that,” she explained, “But... do you know how scary last night was for me? I know it was scary for you and I’m here for you because of that, but do you even care to know what I went through last night?”

“Tell me Baby,” he encouraged, slipping an arm around her shoulders to pull her close.

She shook slightly as she remembered the emotions that had coursed through her the night before, “I was so scared Nick. I’ve never been so scared in my life!”

She told him about how exposed she felt because of the photographer, how confused she was thinking about why anyone would care about a picture of her. It then got more serious as she described the paralyzing fear she’d experienced watching him get thrown to the ground and handcuffed by the police, and how badly she wanted to say or do something that could help him.

“All that was going through my head was that my children weren’t going to have a father and how on earth could I live a day without you. How did I get like this...why did you let me become so needy!?” Tina suddenly exclaimed without explanation, her breath hitching in her throat as she fought to stay composed.

“Whoa,” Nick held her a little bit tighter, feeling the tension in her body underneath his fingers, “What are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about you and me,” she said, looking up at him, “How did it ever get to the point that I don’t know how to function without you? How can you stand the fact that I am so needy?”

“I don’t really think about it,” Nick said but the look on Tina’s face told him that she didn’t believe a word of it, “Okay, you want the truth? I kind of like it.”

“You like that I’m weak?” she asked sadly, staring at a spot on his chest to avoid his eyes.

Nick sighed heavily and let go of her, reaching for her body puff off one of the shower hooks. He wet it under the spray and added a dollop of her pomegranate scented body wash to it. Wordlessly, he started at her arm, slowly running the sponge over her skin.

“I don’t like that you’re weak,” he finally spoke, mentally cursing himself for how it sounded, “You’re not weak. It’s just that... I like that you need me,” he clarified, “I like it when you have to ask me for money or for things that you need for yourself or the kids. I like that I’m the bread winner. I like to think that you guys need me even when I’m not around. It makes me feel... grown up.”

Tina didn’t know how to react to what he was saying. It was completely self centered and chauvinistic for him to feel that way but she truly didn’t believe that he would understand that. He also didn’t seem to have any concept of how keeping her isolated the way he had would make her feel. It didn’t make her feel grown up, it made her feel pathetic. She didn’t stop him as he continued to make his way across her body, soaping her skin. He turned her around to run the sponge over the back of her shoulders, drawing it down the dip of her spine to her bottom, watching as the water washed the suds down her legs and to the floor.

Nick pulled her back flush against his chest, letting her feel his desire against the small of her back, “I never meant for you to feel like you were weak. I thought that I was doing what I was supposed to do. You’re the only person who doesn’t treat me like I’m some little boy. I just wanted to be enough man for you.”

Tina reached back and ran her hands down his thighs, tipping her head back to rest against his shoulder, “Nick,” she breathed as his hands made their way across the front of her hips, “You’re everything to me. That’s part of the problem.”

March 04, 2002 Tampa Florida

Nick hadn’t been wrong when he’d guessed that he would walk away unscathed from his court battle. The judge actually agreed with Nick’s defence lawyer that the officer had clearly been biased when he decided to arrest a pop star and no one else that night. The judge told the court room that anyone else probably would have been cuffed and released, but definitely not charged. Unfortunately, he was still required to follow the letter of the law though and after a stern warning about his behaviour Nick was given a $1400 fine and would have to spend 100 hours doing work in the community. To Nick that was essentially a slap on the wrist; he had the fine paid before he’d even left the courthouse and once he found out he could claim charity work as his community service he knew he had it in the bag.

The fallout from the paparazzi photos had turned out to be more dramatic than the arrest. The photographer had been quiet for the first few days after the night at the club but a few weeks later Tina’s picture had turned up in a few magazines. He’d sold the photos and also the story that Nick was abusive. One magazine had gone so far as to include quotes, as if Tina had spoken to them, saying the words she’d said to Wes and Nick that night. Pictures of her defensively holding her left hand up in front of her face were used as evidence that not only was she hiding bruises but proof that they were engaged. The large diamond adorning her ring finger grabbed the light of the flash, creating a reflection of light.

The fans had immediately come to their idol’s defence, finding it impossible to believe that he could hurt anyone. Both Nick and Tina had found their steadfast loyalty to be somewhat amusing since; after all, they didn’t really know him. These girls didn’t know that Nick was a self proclaimed asshole, that he had a temper, and there had been enough serious fights between him and Tina that he could have hit her. He never had, but he could have and how would they know? He could be a wife beater and they would be none the wiser, but they still defended the image they knew of him. He was definitely thankful for it, but found the discussions on some of the message boards to be ridiculous in the way they claimed to know him so intimately. They thought they knew him better than Tina, and it simply was not the case.

While Nick’s publicist and management had pushed for him and Tina to appear on television, and in magazines, defending themselves against those people who chose to believe their bad press they both pushed in the opposite direction. Tina didn’t want any more exposure and Nick just wanted to forget the whole thing had ever happened. As long as they didn’t keep talking about it people would eventually forget, and those that did remember he didn’t want to associate himself with anyway.

Once things had started to die down they had both made an agreement that it would never be a topic of discussion ever again. Nick would do his community service and they would move on. Neither one of them wanted to focus on the negative when they were just starting to get some positivity out of their whole relationship. So Nick started plucking away at some music and Tina started planning the wedding of the year and for the most part, they were content.

“Where’s Zoey?” Nick teased in a high pitched giggling voice. A gasp was followed by squeals of baby laughter and splashes of water.

He held up a wash cloth between the two of them, her in the bathtub and him sitting on the bathroom floor, seeing her expression suddenly change from happy to shocked just over the top of the cloth, “Where did she go?” he baby talked, not knowing why he always felt compelled to pitch his voice up an octave in order to talk to her although Zoey seemed to love it.

He dropped the cloth, laughing at the joy that suddenly spread across her face once she saw her father, “There she is!”

Nick truly felt that Zoey had the best laugh he’d ever heard. His mother had told him that she laughed exactly like Nick when he was a baby, which had turned into his signature giggle. Nick told people that she sounded a bit like a mad scientist who had just discovered something especially evil.

Parker and Zoey couldn’t be more different as far as development went. For his entire three years Parker had always be ahead of the curve, he developed quickly, was walking and talking before he was even a year old and at three could talk anyone’s ear off in complete sentences. Zoey on the other hand was taking her time. At seven months Parker had been crawling, standing, and starting the processing of learning to walk. Zoey was sitting up but still struggling to roll over and couldn’t quite figure out how to push up into a crawling position. They had been assured though, by the paediatrician that it would come with time.

Nick had missed a lot of Parker’s milestones and had found solace in being able to experience them for the first time with Zoey. So every chance he got to give her a bath or play with her on the floor he took it because he wanted to remember every little thing she did as a baby.

One of Zoey’s new obsessions was water. She wanted it wherever she could get it and she wanted it in her mouth. She had just started drinking water and acted as if it were the greatest thing she’d ever tasted – even though it was flavourless. Unfortunately for Nick it also meant he was constantly keeping her from scooping water from the tub straight into her mouth.

“No, no,” he chided her, pushing her chubby little hand away from her lips, “That’s dirty,” he told her but as soon as her hand was free she was right back at it.

Nick glanced around the immediate area for her pacifier, knowing that there had been one in her mouth when they’d come into the bathroom. He checked under towels and in the bathtub while Zoey continued to splash and play by herself.

“Where’s your binky?” he questioned rhetorically. He stood up and with an eye constantly checking back on Zoey in the tub he started looking around the bathroom. He knew there was usually extras stowed in random places - it was important to have emergency binkies handy – so he started popping open cupboards. Throwing open the medicine cabinet he rummaged around bottles of baby cough syrup, and children’s Tylenol, finally finding a soother on the shelf next to an orange pill bottle.

“Have you drunk all the water in the tub yet?” he asked Zoey, turning back to the tub. Her first was firmly in her mouth and he quickly replaced her fingers with the pacifier, watching her suck it happily. With a smile Nick kissed the top of her head which was covered with soft wisps of freshly washed blonde hair.

He turned back around to close the medicine cabinet and the orange bottle seemed to be calling out to him. It looked terribly out of place on the shelf and he pulled it out, closing the mirrored door at the same time. He rolled the bottle around in his hand looking for a label of some kind but there was none. It was about three quarters of the way full of pills and he popped the top off, pouring a couple out into his hand. They were small, white, and round with no significant markings except for “CIBA” written on one side, and the number “3” written on the other. He’d been in entertainment long enough to know that pill bottles with no labels usually contained the types of pills that weren’t very legal and it worried him.

“Nick?” he heard Tina call out from the other room and he quickly returned the pills to the bottle.

 “Yeah?” he replied, sticking the bottle into the pocket of his baggy jeans.

“Is Zoey in her jammies yet? The movie is about to start!” she announced and he looked down to Zoey who was starting to look a little tired, and very wrinkly sitting in the tub with her toys.

He grabbed a towel and got her out of the water, heading into her bedroom to get her into a new diaper and a fresh pair of pyjamas.

“Just putting her down now,” he answered, knowing that he would have to spend a little time on the computer later on to hopefully find a logical, reasonable, answer to the questions that were burning a hole in his pocket.

March 04, 2002 Tampa, Florida

If there was a singular thing that had afflicted Nick his entire life it was his ability to be distracted. No matter how serious things got it was easy to run him off topic and get his attention focused elsewhere. His parents had used his short attention span to make him do things in the past, and shortly after puberty he’d found that his own body often betrayed him, using sexual arousal as a distraction. Often times it was Tina that used that to her advantage, especially during fights, but every now and then it was Nick’s subconscious that used it as a tool to avoid what he should really be putting his attention on.

The whole time he’d been upstairs getting Zoey dressed, feeding her the last bit of formula for the day, and getting her into bed he couldn’t take his mind off the bottle of pills in his pocket. He went over in his head all the different ways he could approach the situation. After all, he didn’t even know for certain that the bottle belonged to Tina. There were people in and out of their house all the time. He needed to ask the question though because he didn’t know if the contents were dangerous or not.

While plotting out variations of speeches he’d also speculated about the pills. His mind running rampant he’d convinced himself that the real reason that Tina didn’t want to breast feed was because she didn’t want to pass anything on to Zoey, not because of the inconvenience of it all. His logical side told him that wasn’t possible because she would have had to be doing drugs while she was pregnant and clearly that wasn’t the case, but he knew there had to be something more to these pills. He thought perhaps it explained why she was always so irrational, and quick to judge him, and why she was always starting fights and blaming it on him. Again, his logical side came back and reminded him about his temper, and his own ability to be irrational.

By the time he got downstairs, grabbed a soda from the fridge, set up the baby monitor on the table, and got comfortable on the couch though, he was officially distracted. The movie on the television was something he had wanted to see for a while. He’d wanted to see it enough that it had prompted them to put the kids to bed early so he could watch it. The visual stimulus was enough to take his mind off the bottle for a little while.

The movie had turned out to be not as good as Nick wanted it to be. It was a thriller about a group of people staying at a hotel getting murdered one by one. He thought the premise sounded good, like his kind of movie, but the plot twist sucked. As a result the movie had turned into a heated make out session on the couch, another distraction to add to the list.

Making out was something Nick was really good at, and he enjoyed just laying on the couch or in bed kissing. He wasn’t going to be pretentious and claim that it didn’t need to lead to anything because that was just not the case; he wanted it to lead to something. Making out was a precursor to sex, he just happened to be one of the rare men who enjoyed foreplay. He liked his kisses wet, and sloppy, with lots of tongue and he had gotten lucky with Tina since she never complained.

They were stretched along the length of the black leather couch with her underneath him. Her foot was dragging the leg of his jeans up the back of his calf while her hands had pushed the waistband down over his ass. He had the tank top she wore to bed pushed up enough to give him access to her breasts and as soon as he felt himself instinctively thrusting against the inside of her bare thigh he knew it was time to move things to the bedroom.

“Baby...” he breathed against the side of her neck, “We should go upstairs.”

“Here,” was all Tina said in response, pushing against him to roll them over on the couch. His head was now resting against the arm and she was straddling him, leaning forward to keep the contact with his lips.

Nick’s hands went to her hips and he pulled her firmly against him so she could feel his erection.

“Ow!” she suddenly exclaimed, lifting up onto her knees for a second, “What is that?”

“Baby I know I’m a bit bigger than average,” Nick boasted, “But seriously you don’t need to act like my dick is so big it hurt you through my pants.”

She blinked a few times, shaking her head at him, “You’re ridiculous, and that’s not what I meant. What’s in your pocket? There’s something poking me.”

Suddenly he realized how distracted he’d been all night. The pill bottle was still in his pocket, and was now digging into the inside of Tina’s thigh just below the tiny shorts she was wearing.

“That’s all me,” he deflected, leaning up to kiss her again but she pulled away.

“You keep your dick in your pocket now?” she questioned, pushing against his shoulder, “Seriously what’s in your pocket. Why are you being so secretive?”

His brain didn’t want him to have the conversation just then; his brain wanted him to have physical stimulation, so he tried to avoid the truth, “It’s my wallet.”

“Nick, you’re lying,” Tina accused, moving off of his lap, “Show me what’s in your pocket.”

“Baby,” Nick whined reaching out for her now that he was lying alone on the couch, “Forget about my pocket and get back over here. It doesn’t matter.”

“You’re probably right. It was silly of me, I’m sorry,” she smiled and moved back onto the couch again, leaning down to kiss him, pressing her lips against his passionately.

“No worries,” he mumbled as she grabbed the hem of the tank top he was wearing and slid it up his chest, only breaking their connection long enough to pull it over his head.

He let himself get distracted again as her nails skimmed over his stomach and he moaned as she continued to move lower. She unbuttoned his jeans, pressing firmly against his erection as she peeled the pants down his legs.

Nick’s head was tipped back and he lifted his hips to help her get his pants off. His chest was heaving as he waited for her to return but he soon realized that Tina had been by his feet for an awfully long time. He sat up slightly, seeing that she was holding his jeans in her hands, ready to reach into his pocket.

“Hey!” he exclaimed, reaching out and pulling the pants from her grasp, “What was that? Did you just trick me so you could get my pants? Seriously?”

Tina shrugged, biting her lip slightly as she tried to look innocent, “I knew it would work. Now show me what’s in your pocket.”

“You think I’m going to show you anything, now? Not likely!” he jumped up from the couch dressed in only a pair of black boxer briefs and socks, holding his jeans to his chest tightly. It had gone beyond just wanting to get laid; now he didn’t want to talk to her about the pills because she was playing downright dirty.

“Show me,” she stressed and Nick recognized the expression on her face as being playful, and not angry.

“Fine,” he let out an overdramatic sigh and extended the pants out to her only to pull them away as soon as they were within her reach, “If you can catch me first!”

Nick took off into a sprint out of the living room and Tina gasped, “Jerk!” she exclaimed, jumping up off the couch to follow in the pursuit.

They played a game of cat and mouse around the house, but Nick had managed to evade her for the most part. He was breathing heavily as he made his way as quietly as he could down the hallway towards the kitchen. He had taken a quick second to dump the pill bottle in the guest bathroom and replaced it with a bottle of over the counter allergy pills but continued to hold his jeans so Tina wouldn’t know the difference. He was having too much fun to ruin it with a serious conversation.

He listened eagerly for any unusual sounds before walking through the door into the dark kitchen. Suddenly the room illuminated and before he could react he was hit with a wave of water. His feet suddenly went out from under him and he fell against the tile floor with a thud. Finally getting his bearings he saw Tina standing above him with a now empty bucket and an evil grin on her face.

“Thank you,” she said with false sweetness, nabbing the jeans from him.

Not one to give up a fight Nick growled and grabbed her around the waist as she went to walk away, bringing her down onto the floor with him. They wrestled for the denim, Nick finally pinning her face down on the floor in victory.

“I’ve got you this time,” he cackled, on his hands and knees above her.

“What the hell is going on in here!?” Lynn suddenly exploded into the room and both of them looked up in shock.

“Mom!” Tina said in surprise, trying to get up only to realize that Nick was still looming over her, “It’s not what it looks like,” she tried to explain and Nick raised an eyebrow.

“What does it look like?” he wondered curiously, not knowing what anyone would be able to make of the situation since it was so random.

Lynn was standing in a pair of pink linen pyjamas, hands firmly on her hips, “Well it kind of looks like you’re mounting my daughter on the kitchen floor, Nick.”

They each turned red with embarrassment and scrambled to their feet, both scantily clad.

“We could see you chasing each other through the window, so you know,” Lynn informed them, pointing out the kitchen windows towards their house, “We weren’t sure if you were just acting like idiots or if there was something serious going on.”

“Idiots,” Nick clarified and Tina nodded in agreement, “We were just having some fun.”

Lynn’s expression softened and she moved her hands from her hips, crossing them over her chest. She was trying to look stern but they could see a slight smile hiding in the corner of her mouth, “Well,” she said, looking them both over, “It’s nice to see you having fun together for a change then. Just don’t forget that there are kids asleep upstairs and if you’re going to get it on in common rooms your father and I would appreciate it if you kept it to the front of the house, away from the windows,” the older woman then turned on her heels and left, shutting the kitchen door firmly behind her.

Nick and Tina took one look at each other and burst into fits of uncontrollable giggles. Wordlessly they started to clean up the mess in the kitchen, laughing each time they remembered the look on Lynn’s face, or her use of the word ‘mounting’.

I’ll talk to her about it tomorrow, he thought, not wanting to ruin the fun.

March 05, 2002 Tampa, Florida

She was humming in the bathroom while brushing her teeth. Normally he would be ragging on her for the fact that she was completely tone deaf, but this time he was thankful that she was busy doing something else. Quickly Nick reached for his underwear off the side of the bed, slipping them on before making his way out of the room and downstairs to the guest bathroom. He’d left the pill bottle there the night before when they were messing around but now he needed to investigate further.

He collected the bottle then made his way into his office, shaking the mouse until the computer came to life. A new browser popped open and he typed the symbols he’d seen on the pills into a search engine.

“C – I – B – A three,” he read under his breath as he typed the letters into the search box.

He was astounded by the results. Over four million websites came up matching the keywords he’d searched. He sifted through sites about contact lenses, and baseball associations before stumbling upon a site called drugs dot com.

“Methylphenidate,” he sounded out the word after finding the section about the CIBA 3 imprint. Most of the information referred to the generic name of the drug, nothing he recognized, and information about the manufacturer. He copied the drug’s scientific name and tried plugged that into the search box, hoping he might get some more insight. He impatiently tapped his bare foot on the hardwood floor as he waited for the page to load.

A new set of search results appeared on the screen painting a very different picture of what he was holding in his hand. This time instead of random websites, and fancy technical names there was site after site talking about stimulant ADHD medications, psycho stimulants, and oral Ritalin.

He was staring at the computer, completely perplexed, “Ritalin?” he voiced aloud, wondering why on earth Tina would have ADD medication in the house.

He leaned back in his chair, holding both hands on top of his head as he thought of the best way to approach the situation. As much as he didn’t want to he knew he had to just grit his teeth and come out and ask her about what was up, and whether the pills were even hers.

“DADDY!” he heard yelled down the hall and he smiled at Parker’s subtlety, “DADDY ARE YOU LOST?”

“Parker, I’m coming,” Nick called back with a laugh, dropping the pill bottle into his desk drawer. He quickly jogged out of his office and down the hall towards the sound of the boy’s voice. In some ways the house was definitely too large for the four of them but often times it felt far too small.

Parker was standing in the kitchen in his pajamas, clutching a stuffed dolphin to his chest, “I’m hungry!” he announced the second Nick had walked into the room.

“Okay, your highness,” the older blond chuckled. He got Parker set up on his booster seat then poured him a bowl of Cheerios. He put a little bit of milk in, but not enough to spill, and set it down in front of him with his spoon.

While Parker started eating Nick started pulling bottles out of the dishwasher to get Zoey’s day measured and ready. She was to the point now where she didn’t have the same size bottle through the day because she was starting to get solid food so they both found it easier to get everything ready ahead of time. He lined up the bottles and filled them with liners from a drawer before grabbing a measuring cup to start filling them. Once they were all filled with the right amount of water he topped them with nipples and caps and lined them up along the counter’s back splash for easy access. He took formula out of the cupboard above his head and scooped out enough for Zoey’s breakfast, dropping it into one of the pre-measured bottles and shaking the mixture together. It was not something he would have ever been able to picture himself doing in the past. He didn’t even know that people did this until he saw Tina doing it and now it was just second nature. Next he mixed up a package of baby oatmeal and popped the lid on a container of pureed strawberries that Tina's mother had made the previous week, mixing a bit in to the cereal.

Lynn and Tina were into making the baby food and Nick often used some of it for himself. His mind was always blown by the fact that they got the seeds out of the fruit and he found it to be the perfect topping for ice cream, and good in a smoothy. He just didn't mention to the women that he was probably eating more of the baby food than Zoey. 

"She was not in the mood to get up this morning," Tina announced as she walked into the room holding Zoey on her hip. The baby's fine blond hair was sticking up in a million directions, almost identical to the way her father's was and her big blue eyes stared up at him sleepily, "Clearly she takes after you," she added before handing the girl over to Nick.

Nick bounced Zoey lightly in his arms, trying to improve her mood while Tina went about getting their breakfast ready. He was staring at her back while she went through the fridge, only looking away long enough to pull Zoey's hands away from the chain that was around his neck.

"Do you think we could have some face time later?" he asked curiously while she filled the toaster with a few pieces of bread.

Tina turned and raised an eyebrow in his direction, "What do you mean?" she wondered.

"Like," Nick searched for the words, taking enough time in his pause to go to the table and get Zoey into her highchair, "Can we talk later? During nap time maybe?"

"Sounds serious," Tina mused, pushing the handle down on the toaster, "Since when do you want to talk?"

"Since right now," he said with a roll of his eyes. He brought the baby food he'd prepared over to the table, handing Zoey her bottle which she took greedily, gripping it tightly in both hands, "There's just something I wanted to talk to you about."

"Alright," she agreed just as the toast popped and she started putting peanut butter on two pieces for him.

~*~

Later that afternoon Nick found Tina sitting at the kitchen table sorting through a bunch of pictures. He had paid for a professional photographer to come in and take pictures of the kids doing every day things; playing, eating, being nuisances, so that Tina could scrapbook their first year of being together.

She had them all laid out in front of her on the table and when Nick sat down he started piling them up so he wouldn't get marks on the glossy paper.

Tina smiled over at him, "What's up?" she asked, remembering that he'd said he had wanted to talk to her about something.

Nick cleared his throat anxiously and reached into his pocket, pulling out the pill bottle. He sat it on the table between them and didn't say anything, just let her observe.

"Okay," Tina chuckled nervously, "What's that?"

"I was hoping you could tell me," he said, crossing his arms over his chest, "I found it in the kid's bathroom yesterday."

Tina was the type of person that wore her emotions very clearly on her face. She had a hard time keeping secrets or telling lies when they weren't hurtful, let alone when they were. So as much as she tried to keep it cool Nick could tell that she was nervous about something.

"I don't know what it is," she shrugged, seeming a bit too laid back about the situation.

"Oh, you don't?" he asked sarcastically, reaching out to pull the cap off the bottle. He tipped it over so the pills spilled out on the table and leaned towards her, "I do. It’s Ritalin."

She shrugged again, "I didn't know you were on any medication."

"I'm not;" he answered quickly, "Are you?"

"Look Nick, I don't know what you think is happening but those-"

Suddenly he lashed out, interrupting her with a firm slap of his hand against the table, "Stop it. Tell me the truth."

Tina jumped at the loud sound, her heart banging in her chest. They stared each other down for a while before finally Tina let out a heavy sigh, running her fingers through her long hair, "Okay fine, they're mine, but I haven't taken any of them or anything."

"Where did you get them? Why do you have them?" he asked rapid fire, feeling the tension in his body grow the angrier he became.

Tina took a deep breath and began to hash out the whole story. She told him the absolute truth; that she had been complaining about his attitude to Max and the other woman had told her the back story of how she had reeled in her own husband. She told him that it was Max who acquired the pills for her shortly before Christmas, but that she had never followed through with the plan. She couldn't stand the thought of him being anyone other than himself. She had fallen in love with this Nick, however manic he may be at times, so she couldn't justify trying to modify that without his knowledge. She didn't know how to get rid of the pills at the time and had stowed them away in the medicine cabinet. After that she had essentially forgotten all about them until Nick put the bottle on the table. She only hoped he would believe her, and ultimately forgive her.

Chapter 43

March 06, 2002 Tampa, Florida

Stone faced he sat at the table, leaning against his hand, fingers firmly over his mouth as if he were holding back his words. A million little things were running through his mind. He wanted to be angry, and embarrassed, and sad all at the same time but he couldn't seem to settle on a singular emotion. He wondered what Tina could have been thinking when she agreed to deceive him so boldly. He had often times thought that although the words she spoke indicated her love for him that she was harbouring a deep seeded resentment against him. He now knew how she felt all those times she had told him how difficult it was to trust him because he wasn't sure when or if he was going to be able to completely trust her, despite the fact that she was honest in the end.

"Do you hate me?" he finally spoke. He moved his hand away from his mouth and rested it on the table but he didn't tear his eyes away from the grains in the wood, not feeling confident enough to make eye contact.

Tina shook her head, taking a quick second to wipe her eyes free of the tears that were silently running down her cheeks, "No," she whispered, "I don't know what I was thinking. You're just so... frustrating sometimes and for a split second I thought that I might be able to fix things."

"By drugging me?!" he snapped, finally looking up at her, "You think you're so great to live with? Like your shit don't stink? Because it does! Sometimes I think you're annoying, and sometimes I find you frustrating but I wouldn't do anything that could hurt you to try and fix it."

"I didn't do anything-"

"YOU WERE GOING TO!" he finally yelled, pushing away from the table. He was up and pacing the kitchen floor, running his hands angrily through his hair, "I can't believe you. After everything I have done for you..."

Tina couldn't hold back a scoff and she immediately felt Nick's eyes burning into the side of her face.
He walked over to her and with one hand on the table and the other on the chair back leaned over curiously, cocking one ear in her direction, "I'm sorry I missed that. Was there something you wanted to say? Because it sure sounded like you wanted to say something."

"I hate when you're like this," Tina whispered, her lips just inches from Nick's ear. He had a tendency when he was angry with her to never look her in the eye. He would face his ear to her as if trying to hear her better but it drove her crazy. She found it disrespectful that he didn't want to look at her while they were talking.

"You hate when I'm like this?" he repeated her words sarcastically, "Well you're probably not going to like me very much later either."

Tina watched curiously as he moved away from her and cleared the kitchen, grabbing her purse off the counter, “What are you doing? How dare you!” she leaped to her feet and grabbed for the bag as he dumped it out onto the table.

“I pay for this,” he said as he pocketed her cell phone, “and this,” he took the Amex card out of her wallet and they joined her phone in his pants.

“Nick, stop!” Tina pleaded, still grabbing at his hands as he took away what little property she had, “What if I need to call someone while I’m out?”

“You won’t need to,” he assured her as he held up her car keys teasingly in front of her face, “You don’t have a car.”

“This isn’t fair,” she complained, her hands running through her hair angrily.

“If you want to go somewhere you ask me and I’ll take you. If you need to buy something you ask me and I will go and buy it for you. Can you really blame me for not trusting you right now? You just admitted to me that you were going to drug me with Ritalin! Like some kind of mind control!” he exclaimed, “You act like I’ve never done anything for you yet you live for free in this house, and you drive a nice car, and have a top of the line cell phone, and if you ever asked me I would get you anything you needed.”

Tina rolled her eyes, holding back the temptation to pout over losing her things, “That’s not true. You always give me a guilt trip if I ask for anything for myself.”

“That’s a lie.”

“It is not a lie!” she defended, “You make me feel so bad every time I ask for something! You treat me like I’m your child and I have to build up the confidence to ask you for something as stupid as new jeans while you’re in head to toe designer clothes! You’re not my father. I already have one of those and he doesn’t treat me the way you do!”

“I don’t treat you like you’re my child!” Nick’s voice was sharp with anger.

“You’re taking away my things, Nick!” Tina threw her arms out, not able to keep her voice from rising, “You’re taking everything away from me like some kind of punishment! I’m half expecting you to send me to my room!”

“It’s time to stop this,” he said with a heavy sigh, shaking his head at her, “Grow up! If you want me to stop treating you like a child, stop acting like a child! You’re always judging me for being immature but sometimes you are too. Right now you’re acting like a spoiled brat, complaining because you don’t have what you want. I’m putting my foot down. I don’t want to have to treat you like a kid but I’ve had enough of this back and forth. I’m done with the drama. You can earn these things back from me but one thing that I’m not going to put up with is you seeing... her.”

Tina crossed her arms firmly across her chest and stared him down. She couldn’t believe that he of all people was accusing her of being immature, or childish, “We’re supposed to be sharing our lives, Nick,” she hissed, “We’re supposed to be one unit. What’s yours is mine and what’s mine is yours. How can you take things away from me when you disagree with me because you pay for them but expect me to share things with you?”

Nick shrugged, “You get what you give. You don’t have respect for me; I’m not going to give you any respect.”

Tina let out a frustrated grunt and pulled on the ends of her hair. She felt like they were at a stalemate. Nothing either one of them could say was going to result in any progress. He didn’t trust her because she made a mistake, but she didn’t feel like he was keeping in mind that she had never followed through with the plan. She knew that her only real option was going to be listening to him and doing whatever he wanted because that was how Nick operated. If she didn’t relent, and just accept her new reality he wouldn’t let it go. She wasn’t going to stop seeing Max, she had already settled on that. The older woman was her only friend in the entire state and she had just found her. She couldn’t imagine removing Max from her life so quickly. She knew she had made a mistake, and it was probably the last time she would follow along with one of the other woman’s crazy ideas. After all, Max was a double divorcee; she wasn’t exactly the most reliable person to take relationship advice from. She would satisfy Nick though and tell him what he wanted to hear. After all, he was rarely around to know what she was doing anyway and who was he to tell her what she who she was allowed to be friends with.

June 01, 2002 Tampa, Florida

After the blow out with the pills Max had unknowingly created a huge chasm in the middle of Tina and Nick’s relationship. He had refused to bend, and rather than softening and giving Tina her belongings back he had kept them as a constant reminder of her betrayal. It had turned into a power game, and he fought to make sure he would always come out the winner.

The struggle over who controlled the power in their relationship had slowly pulled them apart. Tina became bitter and resentful and Nick became more chauvinistic and controlling. It got to the point that by the time spring began they barely spoke unless it was about the kids. All of the hard work they’d done on their relationship near Christmas had unravelled in the span of a month. As a result, Nick consumed himself with work; deciding to follow through on plans to start a solo album, and Tina, who had no outlet, had only become angrier. They were both relieved when Nick decided that he wanted to do some recording in Sweden. Tina practically had his bags packed for him before he’d even said when he was going.

Five weeks Nick had been away in Stockholm writing and recording his album. He’d spent more than his fair share of nights out on the town, drinking and flirting but eventually it became tiresome. He missed Parker and Zoey and as much as he hadn’t wanted to admit it, he missed Tina. After some time for personal reflection he knew that he’d been in the wrong. It wasn’t his right to hold material belongings hostage until he got what he wanted. He had been blind to that, he realized. He had put his own anger, his own selfishness ahead of what was fair and right. It was Max Martin that ultimately knocked some sense into him. He had been singing the man’s songs and working with him since he was just a kid and he had always felt that he could be open and honest with him. He always respected his opinion, even when it didn’t align with his own. Max had told Nick that he had his own growing up to do and part of that was realizing that he needed to learn how to compromise.  It was starting to become a theme; the word compromise. Nick had been hearing it from everyone he talked to about his relationship from his father to his friend. They all told him that he was lacking it, and he had decided that it was time to find some compromise in him somewhere.

The first step in learning to compromise was going home to apologize. He’d spent nearly two days travelling, going from one flight to another, to get home to Florida. After a red eye flight from New York City he’d arrived in Tampa just after six in the morning. His car was waiting for him at the airport and after paying the outrageous parking fees he’d set off for home.

He let out a sigh of relief as soon as he got to the gate, thankful to be back on familiar territory. Tina’s blue BMW station wagon was parked in its usual place in the circular drive and he pulled up behind it, resisting the urge to bang his head on the wheel for what a fool he’d been.

He pulled himself out of the car, his body heavy with fatigue from his lengthy travels. He grabbed his luggage out of the trunk and dragged it into the house, punching in the code to turn the alarm off as soon as it started beeping. The house was quiet, which wasn’t unusual for that early in the morning but Nick felt uneasy about it. Something just felt wrong and he suddenly had butterflies in his stomach. He left his suitcase and duffel bag next to the door and made his way through the house. He was listening hard for any unusual sounds but heard absolutely nothing.

He made his way upstairs and into the master bedroom, expecting to find Tina lying in bed sleeping. Instead, he was greeted with an empty room. The bed was made; it didn’t even look like it had been recently slept in. Quickly he left the master bedroom and moved down the hall.

Zoey’s room was empty, Parker’s was too. All that was left was the furniture and the cartoon character decals on the wall.

Nick’s breath caught in his throat as he moved back into his own bedroom and pulled open the doors to the walk in closet, not surprised to find that the only side with clothes on it was his. Hangers hung empty on Tina’s side, and he glared at them as though they could be to blame for his pain.

He felt himself starting to hyperventilate so he moved to sit on the bed, putting his head between his knees. He couldn’t believe she actually did it. She had spent so much time threatening to leave him but he had never taken it seriously. The worst of it was that she had taken the kids with her. He had already gone five weeks without seeing them and now he didn’t even know where they were. He could only assume they were in Cleveland, but that seemed like it might be too obvious a place to go. He wanted to think that Tina wasn’t going to hide from him but he had treated her pretty badly over the years so he didn’t know where her mind was at.

His chest was burning and he could feel tears prickling at the corner of his eyes as he sat trying to catch his breath. This was what heartbreak felt like, he realized. Mustering up as much strength as he could manage he got off the bed and headed back downstairs. He hadn’t noticed when he came in but the walls which were normally adorned with photos were bare. The toys were gone from the living room and he could just see dust marks where picture frames had been on the shelves.

It was in the kitchen, propped up against a knife block, where he finally found a note; a plain white envelope with his name written on it in Tina’s cursive. His hand was shaking slightly as he reached for it, turning it between his fingers lightly as if trying to find a reason not to open it. There was more than just paper in the envelope, he thought. There was a slight bulge in the corner and deep down he knew what it was but he wouldn’t believe it until he saw it.

He slid his finger along the seal and it opened easily. He removed a folded piece of paper and held it in one hand while tipping the envelope over the other. As he suspected Tina’s engagement ring fell from the envelope and into his palm. He clutched his fist around it and felt a tear slide down his cheek. It had taken him so long to ask Tina to marry him and she had waited so patiently for him to come around and now it was over. There was nothing more serious to him than the fact that she returned the ring. To him, it all felt very final.

He pocketed the ring and started unfolding the note. He felt like he knew what it was going to say but still felt compelled to read it.

Nick, it began and he could hear Tina’s voice in his head reading him the words.

If you’re reading this you know we’re gone. I’m so sorry that you had to find out this way but I knew that if I waited until you were home you would never let me go.

I know you’re angry but try to understand why I’m doing this. We can’t be together anymore; it’s not good for either one of us. We’re poison to each other, Nick. Every day I spent with you was killing me. I’m not putting the blame on you either; I know that I was doing the same thing to you.

The kids still need you. I want you to be part of their lives, but we need to get settled first. I will get in touch with you once we’re ready. Please don’t try to find us before then; it won’t do you any good. It will only make you crazy. Take care of yourself, for their benefit.

We love you. I love you; I will always love you,

Tina.

June 01, 2002 Tampa, Florida

Curled up next to an empty crib Nick had fallen asleep. He couldn’t even bring himself to sit in the rocking chair, he didn’t have the energy. After reading Tina’s note he had scoured the house looking for some kind of sign that it was all a joke. He wanted them to pop out of a closet somewhere laughing at his expense but that hadn’t happened. So he’d ended up in Zoey’s room, staring into her empty crib; the bedding made up and a small stuffed giraffe still sitting on the inside. He’d nearly had a panic attack when he saw the stuffed animal, thinking of how Zoey must have been feeling wherever she was without the giraffe that she loved so much. He’d clutched it in his arms before sliding onto the floor where he had stayed for hours, sleeping, crying, and clutching a giraffe.

When he woke up and realized that it wasn’t a dream and they were really gone he’d felt desperation course through his veins. All he wanted was to be with his kids. With the brown and yellow animal still held tightly in his hand he raced into the master bedroom, grabbing a cordless phone off the night stand. He punched in Tina’s number and anxiously held the receiver to one ear.

“The number you have reached is not in service. Please check the number and try your call again,” a robotic female voice announced and Nick’s face fell. He hung up and immediately dialled Lynn’s number, hoping to reach the older woman but he received the same message; the number had been disconnected. He couldn’t believe the lengths they had gone through to get away. He was ready to fix things, he was ready to compromise and now he was alone.

Biting back the sob that was rising from the back of his throat Nick threw the phone to the floor and raced out of the bedroom. Down the stairs and through the house he flew as if compelled by an outside force. He went out the front door and straight across the street, pounding his hand on wood.

After a few moments the door swung open and a curious looking Max gave him the once over, “Nick?” she asked, taking note of his tear filled eyes and the giraffe still in his hand, “Can I help you?”

“Where did she go?” he demanded, using the back of his hand to wipe away his tears, “You know; I know you know! Tell me how to get in contact with her.”

Max sighed and crossed her arms across her chest, staying in the doorway so Nick wouldn’t step into the house, “I don’t know. She said she would call me later.”

“This is your fault!” he accused, pointing a finger at the redhead, “If you had never moved in here she wouldn’t have left!”

She shook her head at him sadly, the pity clear across her face, “You’re blind,” she told him softly, “This is your fault. You drove her away. Her mother and I only encouraged her to get out of an abusive relationship for the sake of her children.”

“Our children,” he snapped defensively, “and how can you call me abusive?!” he threw his hands out in aggravation, “I never touched her! I would never have hurt her!”

“That’s where you’re not seeing the big picture,” Max told him, keeping her cool as she stepped out of the house, shutting the door behind her as she joined him on the porch, “It’s more than just being physical. It was a mentally, and emotionally abusive relationship. It wasn’t just you, it was both of you. Some people just shouldn’t be together no matter how in love they are. You two shouldn’t be together you’ll destroy each other!”

“We’re supposed to be together,” he whispered, bringing the giraffe to his face to shield a fresh onslaught of tears, “We’re going to get married. I was ready to fix things.”

“Did you ever think that maybe Tina wasn’t ready to fix things?” Max suggested, reaching out to pull Nick’s hands away from his eyes, “You both have so many things to work on within yourselves and I don’t think you could do it together.”

He yanked his hands away from the woman, glaring at her, “You cunt!” he exploded irrationally, “Fuck you for thinking you could get involved in my life. You have ruined everything! You don’t know shit about me or about Tina. For crying out loud you tried to convince her to drug me! Who do you think you are?! Do you realize what you just did to my kids? Fuck you,” he repeated the slur for the final time before turning on his heels to head back to the house.

The words didn’t hurt Max; in fact she had expected them. She’d seen Nick arrive home early that morning and she knew he would end up at her door slinging expletives. She had been honest with Nick when she told him that she didn’t know how to get in contact with Tina. It had been just over a week since Tina’s father had left driving a U-Haul van with the last of their stuff, so it was on a matter of time before she expected to hear from them.

“If you keep putting all the blame on me you’re never going to get her back!” Max called out to Nick’s retreating form. She felt bad for the guy, it was a terrible way to have the rug pulled out from under you, but she knew that he needed to work on his faults if he was ever going to convince Tina to marry him.

~*~

Sniffling Nick held the phone out in front of him, dialling a familiar number. He was embarrassed for the way he’d acted on Max’s doorstep, in plain sight of half the neighbourhood, but he was so angry. It was so easy to blame her because she had been the catalyst in the destruction of their relationship but deep down he knew she was right, that it was their own issues that were the bigger problem.

He held the phone to his ear as it rang, feeling anxious until he heard a voice pick up on the other end.

“Brian?” he asked with another sniffle even though he immediately recognized his best friend’s voice on the phone.

“Nick? Are you okay? Are you crying?”

“They’re gone,” Nick cried, launching into the story of what had happened that morning, how he’d come home to an empty house and a note.

Once Nick had gotten it all out Brian sighed on the other end of the phone, “Nick...” he paused, searching for the right words to comfort the younger man, “Do you want me to be honest with you?”

“Of course I do!” Nick agreed, wanting to know what Brian’s advice would be.

“I’m sure you’ve heard this quote before but someone once said that if you love something set it free. If it comes back, it’s yours and if it never does, it never was.”

Nick waited for the rest of the advice to come but Brian had stopped talking. Surely he didn’t mean that he should just move on, because that wasn’t an option. He couldn’t set Tina free; he didn’t want to set her free.

“I don’t understand,” he admitted sadly, “How can I let Zoey go? How can I let Parker go? It’s not fair of her to expect me to just let them go in the hopes that she’ll decide to come back some day. Or by that saying there’s a chance she’ll never come back and I’m just supposed to accept it because it’s meant to be?”

“No,” Brian scratched his head, trying to find a way to put it to him gently, “I’m just saying that from an outsider’s point of view it’s not really surprising that she took off.”

All of the Backstreet Boys had been concerned about Nick’s relationship with Tina but none of them as much as Brian. He had seen the two of them interact more than the others and he could see the same things that Tina’s parents and Max were seeing; that the relationship was terribly unhealthy. Brian suspected it was Nick’s upbringing that went into the way he’d come to treat women. His first experiences with girls were groupies, and he had learned to use and dispose of them like commodities. Then there was the family influence. Nick got his temper from his parents and their relationship was not the benchmark for which any relationship should have been based.

It was terribly twisted the way Brian watched Tina be dominated and controlled, it had made him pity the girl. What was most unfortunate was that Nick had picked a person, a girl out of all the others that was weak and vulnerable. He had found the perfect person to control. That worked well when she was 18, but after a few years and a few children Tina had started to develop a backbone and Nick hadn’t matured at the same rate. The result was a disaster. They were the dictionary definition of dysfunctional.

Nick wanted to argue with him and tell Brian how Tina hadn’t held up her end of the bargain either but he couldn’t. He just wanted them to come back and if taking the blame for the whole fiasco was the first step then he would have to comply, “So what do I do?” he asked, defeated.

Brian looked over at Leighanne who was sitting next to him on the couch and put his hand on her pregnant belly, not able to imagine the pain that Nick was feeling just then. His son wasn’t expected for another four months but he couldn’t imagine him being ripped out of his life.

“You do the only thing you can do. Wait.”

July 08, 2005 Cleveland, Ohio

After talking to Brian on the phone that night Nick had waited. He waited a full week until he was contacted. Not by Tina, but by a lawyer in Ohio wanting to work out the details of his visitation with the kids. That's when it all had seemed incredibly real to him. In his head he had imagined that Tina would call him and he would recite a prepared speech apologizing for everything that had happened. She would accept his apology and they would work things out.

In reality though she didn't want to speak to him; she had moved home, back to Cleveland, and hired someone else to talk to him for her. She even went so far as to ensure that she would have money to hire the lawyer by cashing the blank cheque Nick had given her at Christmas. A few days after he'd come home his accountant had called him demanding to know what he had spent $50,000 on the previous day. He had been to Taco Bell for lunch but had certainly not spent fifty grand. He knew exactly where the money had gone though, and rather than raise any red flags he simply explained that the money was for his kids and left the other man wondering.

Nick got himself a lawyer as soon as he'd gotten the call from Tina's and had the two of them duke it out over custody. Nick didn't want to draw it out any more than it needed to be but he had his rights. He consumed himself in working on his solo album in the meantime to get through the hard times but the stress was powerful. He gave his all into promoting the record, ensuring that anyone who asked knew that songs like ‘I Got You’, and ‘Do I Have To Cry For You?’ were musical messages for his ex-girlfriend. Despite the hard work the album was a flop, just another thing to add to his list of growing failures. He found himself not even caring about the lack of success, only concerned with getting through the tour so he could see his kids again.

For three years he had seen them for a week every other month, and on alternating holidays but summer marked the end of their routine. They wouldn't be able to continue with Parker expected to start school in the fall, he needed the consistency of being in class.

The arrangement also meant that Nick had to fly to Cleveland each time to pick them up. They were too young to fly as unaccompanied minors and he didn't like the idea of spending all of his time with them in a hotel room; he wanted them to be in their home so they wouldn't forget about it.

Like clockwork he would wait in the arrivals area of Hopkins International Airport waiting anxiously for Lynn to arrive. The last words he'd spoken to Tina were during the last fight they'd had before he went to Sweden to record. He hadn't seen her or heard from her since. If he had issues with visitation that went through lawyers and the courts and if he had issues with the kids themselves it went through Lynn. She had become a face he actually looked forward to seeing if only because of who she always had with her.

Nick's face broke into a smile and he stood up from the plastic seat he was waiting in as he saw Lynn walking through the concourse, Parker holding tightly onto her hand while Zoey was held up against her hip.

"Daddy!" Parker exclaimed, pulling away from his grandmother so he could break into a run. Nick dropped to his knees in the middle of the airport, and Parker launched himself at his father, wrapping his arms tightly around his neck.

"I'm so happy to see you!" Nick smiled despite the tears that were pooling in his eyes, "I missed you so much. Look how big you are!"

"Daddy, look!" Parker pulled out of the hug and opened his mouth, reaching in to wiggle one of his front bottom teeth around, "Muh toof ist wiggy!" he announced around his finger with a goofy grin.

The sight made Nick both happy and depressed. Happy because Parker was growing up but depressed because he was going to miss the day that tooth finally fell out, and he wouldn't get to help him pull it the rest of the way out or tell him the story of the tooth fairy before bed that night. Instead it would be an afterthought that no one would think to tell him about.

Parker was going to be seven by Thanksgiving and he was every bit the rambunctious little boy that Nick was at his age. The split had been hard on both the kids but more so on Zoey. She wasn't even a year old when it had all happened so Nick had assumed that she wouldn't remember any of the drama but she had. The pediatrician had said it was stress but it was the day before her third birthday and Zoey still wasn't talking... to Nick. From what Lynn had told him she chatted up a storm with them but as soon as she was in his presence she clammed up for some reason. The only word he ever heard from her was Daddy, and it was usually said during fits of hysterical crying which is how she spent the majority of their visits.

He'd taken the girl to countless specialists back in Florida and they had all told him the same thing; give it time. Nick had explained to all of them that as a baby he had always been close to Zoey and one doctor was convinced that it was a contributing factor to her separation anxiety. He said that Zoey didn't have a way to express how she really felt so she clammed up. Nick felt like she hated him half the time but in reality it was just a reaction to how badly she missed him.

Nick stood as soon as Lynn reached them and he smiled at her slightly, having pledged to remain civil during their exchanges. Parker's arms were wrapped around his waist and Nick rested his hand on the boy's blonde head with a smile.

"Hi Nick," Lynn greeted, giving him the same forced smile in return.

"Was Tina too busy to come?" Nick asked with mock innocence, resisting the urge to roll his eyes. He drew his attention to Zoey who had her face buried in Lynn's neck, "Hey Princess, you gonna come with Daddy?"

Zoey turned slightly, peering at him through a veil of straight, fine platinum hair. Her demeanor turned from hesistant to hysterical almost instantly and she burst into tears.

"Daddy," she wailed, holding out her arms to him.

Nick sighed heavily but still grabbed the girl from her grandmother's embrace, pulling her close. This was her usual routine. Every time he spoke to her she cried. She always opted to be carried over walking and when she wasn't crying she wasn't saying anything at all. She was clutching Jerome in her hand, the same giraffe that Nick had saved from her crib when they'd left. He'd returned it to her the first time they'd been reunited and now she was never without it. It was missing an eye and the head was floppy on the worn out neck but Zoey loved it. Nick liked to think it was how she kept him close even when he wasn't there.

Lynn was putting the kid's bags down at his feet and Nick caught her eye as she stood, "Tell Tina I hope she's really happy," he sarcastically said in a deadpan tone, barely audible over Zoey's cries.

Lynn held her hands up in defense, "I'm not getting involved," she stated and turned to start walking away.

"You couldn't have done that three years ago?" Nick called out to her retreating form, shaking his head. He turned back to Zoey and rubbed her back, "There's no crying on your birthday baby," he tried to ploy her, kissing her forehead, "We're gonna have lots of fun."

"Her birfday is tomorrow," Parker pointed out with a smile, proud he remembered.

"Yeah it is," Nick nodded then started picking up the bags, balancing them with one child in his arms and one still hanging on to his waist.

"Are we going on the plane now?" Parker asked as Nick hiked a duffel over his shoulder.

He grabbed the little boy's hand and started walking with him through the airport, "Nope, no plane this time," he told him, feeling the tear stain on his shoulder growing bigger, "We're going to our new apartment."

July 08, 2005 Cleveland, Ohio

Nick was done with all the waiting. He had given Tina three years to do whatever it was she needed to do and he now planned to pick up the pieces of his family and put them back together again.

His first step had been finding somewhere to live in the meantime. Rather than flying into Cleveland earlier that morning as expected he’d arrived a full week ahead of time to get settled in. He’d rented a condo in an upscale end of town, had it furnished and filled with everything and anything he and the kids could need; money was not an object.

As they made their way through the city streets Nick did a quick check of the back seat where both kids were strapped into their car seats. Zoey was staring out the window quietly and Parker was engrossed in a book.

“What are you reading?” Nick asked, still finding it amazing that his son was reading. In his mind he was still a baby not a six year old boy gearing up to enter first grade.

Parker swung his legs, kicking his feet against the back of his father’s seat, “James and the Giant Peach,” he answered, sounding out the words. It was one of the first actual novels he had read but his kindergarten teacher wanted him to be able to hit the ground running once school started since he was such a confident reader. She had given Parker a bag full of books to read before September.

Nick grinned, “I read that when I was a kid!” he exclaimed excitedly, glad to have that in common with his boy.

Parker laughed, “Daddy if you read this when you were little then this book must be SO old!”

The older man feigned shock, “I am not old! I’m only 25!”

“Dad,” Parker said matter-of-factly, “25 is really old.”

Nick was about to retort when Zoey suddenly started squealing excitedly from her seat. She had one of Jerome’s little horns stuck in her mouth but she was staring out the window wide eyed.

“What’s wrong Princess?” he asked as they came to a red light. He swung around in his seat but her head was turned back looking at the building they’d just past.

“She’s looking at Mommy’s work,” Parker said and Nick whipped around to look at the boy with lightning fast speed.

“Where’s Mommy’s work?” he asked, taking a quick check to make sure the light was still red in the intersection.

Parker didn’t even look up from the book, obviously used to ignoring his sister, “The place with the flowers.”

Sure enough there was a shop in the middle of what appeared to be a large strip mall with flowers on the sign. Nick couldn’t believe the chances. He was barely a few blocks away from the condo he’d rented. He immediately pulled his rental car, a black Cadillac Escalade, into the nearest parking spot along the road and took a deep breath. He didn’t even know if Tina was working just then, but if she was he was going to see her for the first time in three years and it terrified him.

He didn’t even know where Tina and the kids were living. His only contact was through Lynn and surprisingly they didn’t live together. At any point he could have hired a private detective and found out the information he needed, or shown up at her parent’s doorstep demanding to know her phone number and address but he hadn’t.

He wanted to talk to her, he really did, he just hadn’t expected for it to be so soon.

“Daddy is we getting something to eat?” Parker questioned, staring out the window at the golden arches of McDonalds across from the car and Nick was broken from his reverie.

“Uh,” he stumbled, running a hand through his hair quickly, “It’s are we getting something to eat,” he corrected the boy’s grammar before nodding, “But... yeah let’s get some food and maybe visit Mommy at work.”

He shut the car down and unstrapped himself before getting both kids out of their seats and onto the sidewalk. He instructed Parker to stay close as he hiked Zoey onto his hip and they made their way towards the restaurant. He didn’t know if they had already eaten lunch but given that they probably would have eaten if they’d gotten on the plane he didn’t see the harm in letting them have a treat.

While the kids devoured their happy meals Nick couldn’t bring himself to eat. He had been hungry before but now he was too nervous to think about eating. In his mind he was full of confidence, gusto, and machismo when he was finally in front of Tina. He wanted to be able to tell her what a mistake she had made and show her what she was missing. He wanted her to fall at his feet.

But as he sat watching Parker get ketchup over most of his face he realized that he was none of those things. He wanted to fall at her feet, beg her to take him back, and grovel for forgiveness.

~*~

The bell above the door rang but Tina didn’t look up from her conversation. It was a slow day and there were more than enough employees to take care of anyone who came into the store.

She had never really pictured herself working in retail but with very little qualifications and her only experience being that of a stay at home mom there wasn’t a lot of options when she had been out on the job hunt. She was grateful to have landed a job at Pretty Posey’s, and had worked there for nearly three years. The owner was a wonderful woman who was independently wealthy, she just liked home decor enough that she wanted to be able to buy for herself at a wholesale price and still make a little cash on the side, and she had been willing to take a chance on a girl that really had nothing going for her.

Child support money from Nick was enough to cover rent, utilities and food, so she was able to put a little bit of her paycheque away every month to buy special gifts for the kids and a little something for her now and again. The concept of having her own money to buy herself spontaneous gifts was foreign to Tina. She had spent years with a man that had an unlimited amount of money counting her pennies, and now that she was working 9-5 at a job that didn’t pay much over minimum wage she could actually do more than just window shop.

Tina had tried to avoid Nick’s press over the past couple of years but it had been hard. She read the stories about the revolving door to his bedroom, and the countless women who had been in and out of it. She on the other hand had only been on her first date that spring. She wanted to take things slow because she’d never really been out in the dating world before. She went from her parent’s house to Nick’s house and with two kids to worry about she didn’t want to jump into anything.

Ryan had been the first person she’d finally caved to, accepting his offer to have dinner after months of his asking. He worked at the store with her, had met the kids from the times they’d been in with her mother, and was an all around great guy. He didn’t know anything about Nick, and Tina was sure that he wouldn’t know of him because his musical tastes were a bit more eclectic than the run of the mill Top 40 pop music. One day she would probably tell him the full story but for now they’d only been on a couple of dates so she was saving that story for when they were a bit more serious.

She laughed at Ryan’s joke, reaching out to put a hand on his forearm. He wasn’t nearly as good looking as Nick aesthetically but Tina found that his personality made up for what he lacked in the looks department. He was about average height, thin and a little geeky. He had mousey brown hair, wore black framed glasses, and his favourite colour was plaid.

“Mommy!” Tina heard and she gasped. Parker was making his way to the front of the store and she stood by wide-eyed.

“Parker!” she exclaimed in panic, “Didn’t grandma take you to the airport? Did you miss your plane?!”

“No,” Parker laughed, peering over the counter at her, “Daddy picked us up!”

“Daddy...” she breathed and quickly looked up to see Nick standing a few feet away.

He’d gained more weight, she noticed as she gave him a once over, and he was trying to hide it with a pair of way too big jeans and an oversized t-shirt. He had a ball cap firmly on his head but it didn’t hide the look in his eyes. She recognized it as being jealousy and she quickly gave a glance towards Ryan before moving away from him.

“Nick,” she said cautiously, her heart pounding beneath her chest, “What are you doing here?”

“Hey Babe,” Nick said steadily, trying to keep his aura of confidence about him, “Long time, no see.”

June 08, 2005 Cleveland, Ohio

Tina looked different than he remembered. She was thinner, but rather than making her look skinny it had accentuated her curves, bringing out the dip of her waist and the fullness of her bust. Her wavy light brown hair normally brushed her shoulders but it was now much longer. It was more of a dark auburn shade, pin straight and tied into a high ponytail. She normally wore little to no makeup but now she was done up quite nicely with dark smoky eyes and soft pink lips. She had always been cute but now he would definitely file her into the sexy category.

He'd seen her flirting with the guy behind the counter when he'd come in and despite the fact that they weren't together anymore it still stung. He couldn't have expected her to stay celibate, he certainly hadn't but it was a harsh reality to see the woman he loved flirting with another guy. He couldn't even remember her ever being that flirty or playful with him, though they'd never had much of a chance to; they were thrown into being serious and responsible so quickly in their relationship.

"What are you doing here?" Tina hissed as she came around the counter. She gave Ryan an awkward glance and an apologetic smile before turning back to the last person she had ever expected to see walk through the store's front doors.

Nick wasn't surprised by her hostility; he had kind of expected it. After all the effort she had gone through to make sure she didn't see him he wouldn't imagine that she would have been all that happy about him showing up at her workplace.

Parker was off looking at something on a shelf and Nick attempted to put Zoey down on the floor so she could join him and he and Tina could talk but before the girl's feet came within striking distance of the floor she started screaming. Nick rolled his eyes but dutifully picked her back up, almost wishing that he'd been able to make the trip to see Tina alone but he had no one to watch the kids, and he needed them there as a distraction just in case things got ugly.

Zoey was now wrapped around his neck and he lifted his chin so it rested on her shoulder, "The kids wanted to see you," he answered though it was fairly unconvincing considering that Parker was checking out fancy silicone ice cube trays on the other side of the room and Zoey was trying to choke him.

"Wow Mom wasn't joking about her being a drama queen with you was she?" Tina muttered underneath her breath, still keeping her distance from Nick, "And I meant what are you doing in Cleveland? Aren't you supposed to be on a plane back to Florida right now? How did you even know where I work are you spying on me or something?"

"Don't flatter yourself," he scoffed, "I didn't even know you worked here until Parker told me. I got a place up the street; we were driving by."

Tina's eyes went wide and she crossed her arms firmly across her chest, "You got a place!?" she exclaimed, "What the hell Nick? You should have gotten that cleared with me first."

"I don't have to check with you before I move, unless you have a restraining order against me that I don't know about?" Nick joked but at the words restraining order Tina's friend behind the counter immediately made his way over, standing behind her. He was trying to look threatening and Nick wanted to laugh in his face.

Ryan gave Nick a once over, "Is this guy bothering you?" he asked Tina.

"He's a pain in the ass but otherwise no, he's not bothering me," Tina replied, not tearing her eyes away from Nick as if he were up to something suspicious.

"Okay," Ryan said, putting a hand on her back, "If you want me to ask him to leave just say the word."

"Yeah I'm right here Mighty Mouse, I can hear you," Nick said condescendingly, chuckling at the smaller man. He was literally Howie's size, Nick was pretty sure he could pick him up with one hand, he was hardly threatening.

"Nick..." Tina said in a warning tone. She didn't have any intentions of losing her job because her ex decided to start a fight in the middle of the store, "This is really not a good time."

Nick held his free hand up in defence, "Alright," he agreed, "Can we meet for dinner or something? Can we talk?"

"I don't want to talk to you," she shrugged, "I don't have anything to say."

"With the kids," he clarified, assuming she would feel more comfortable if Parker and Zoey were there to keep either of them from getting too emotional, "Come on, one dinner? Unless you think your boyfriend will have a problem with that?"

Tina sent a glance in Ryan’s direction. She could have told the truth and denied that he was her boyfriend since they’d only been on a few dates but she didn’t want to satisfy Nick’s curiosity too soon, “I don’t know...”

“Please,” Nick pleaded, “For Zoey’s birthday?”

Tina took a deep breath, exhaling slowly. Her arms were still crossed and she stared down at them for a moment before considering his offer, "Only if it's the four of us," she specified and he nodded, "Where do you want me to meet you?"

"My place," he said and Tina raised an eyebrow in his direction sceptically, "I'll make dinner."

She chuckled, "I'll follow the fire trucks then."

~*~

As soon as the door closed behind Nick and the kids Tina let out the huge breath she had been holding. She had definitely not been ready for that. In the span of a half hour everything had been tipped upside down. Nick was now living in the same city as her, he knew where she worked and she was going to his house for dinner. She knew that her mother would kill her if she knew that. Her parents had been weary for the past three years that Tina was going to put them through the conflict and drama they’d experienced living in Florida. They never wanted to see their daughter go through that kind of anguish again if they could help it.

It had broken her heart to see the way Zoey was acting with Nick and it made her feel sorry for him. When her mother had told her that the girl wouldn’t speak and couldn’t bear to be away from her Daddy she had been concerned for her daughter, but seeing it in person was a different story. She had never wanted to hurt the kids when she left. Taking their father away from them was never her intention. She was trying to save them from a lifetime of arguments, broken promises, and dysfunction. She wanted both Zoey and Parker to remember their parents as being happy people who loved them unconditionally instead of hateful people, only concerned with themselves that fought all the time.

It was really because of Zoey that she was willing to meet Nick for dinner, but she wasn’t sure what he expected to get out it. He wasn’t going to convince her to change their current arrangement because she was finally happy. She had her job, her apartment, the kids and now Ryan; she finally had a life for the first time ever.

It was going to take a lot of willpower to walk into his home and make it out without caving though, she knew. The main reason she had avoided speaking to him for three years was because of the power he had over her. For years he had managed to convince her to stay when she was ready to walk out the door. He had a charm about him that she always fell for. Dinner would be the first test in three years to see if she could resist it and it worried her. As soon as she’d seen him walk through the door she’d felt a familiar fluttering in her stomach. She still loved him, she couldn’t deny it, but she knew deep down that they couldn’t be together.

“So why didn’t you tell me that your ex is a football player?” Ryan asked with an awkward laugh and Tina gave him a questioning look.

“Uh... I guess I didn’t tell you that because he’s not a football player,” she laughed uncomfortably, “Why would you think that?”

“Well you said before that he was rich. He’s kind of young, and he doesn’t look that bright so it’s not likely he’s worked that hard for the cash. So unless his parents have money then I just assumed he was some kind of athlete because the guy is huge! He looks like a linebacker.”

Tina rolled her eyes, “He’d love it if he was a football player,” she told him, taking mental note of just how physically different the two men were. She could see why Nick would make Ryan feel a little nervous, or even inferior, “but he’s more of an armchair quarterback. He’s actually a singer, and you don’t know him,” she added defensively, “He’s worked really hard for everything he has and though he may not look it at first he’s smarter than most people give him credit for.”

“Okay,” Ryan laughed, holding up his hands in defeat, “You don’t need to defend the guy. You hate him, remember?”

Tina looked at him wearily then remembered the look on Nick’s face when he’d pleaded with her to come for dinner, “Right...” she said unconvincingly, “I do.”

July 08, 2005 Cleveland, Ohio

After his impromptu drop in Nick bypassed home and took the kids straight to the grocery store. Grocery shopping was something he loathed at the best of times but add in two kids that were tired of being dragged around and starting to get cranky and he wanted to get through the store as soon as humanly possible.

"Daddy what are you going to make for dinner?" Parker wondered, watching as Nick sorted through some ground beef, looking for the right size package of meat.

He found a pound of extra lean and tossed it in the cart next to where Parker was standing, "Spaghetti," he answered, reading the signs above the aisles to find where they kept the pasta.

Parker's face scrunched up in distaste, "You always make spaghetti," he whined and leaned forward against the baby seat where Zoey was sitting.

"You're squishing her, stop," Nick moved him away from his sister, careful to keep the boy’s little feet off the food, "And you love spaghetti, Park!"

The boy shrugged, "I like it better when Mommy makes it. She makes bread."

"I can make bread!" Nick complained. He intentionally steered the cart back towards the bakery section of the store. He made a quick scan and grabbed a silver package of frozen ready-to-bake garlic bread then threw it in the cart, "See? We have bread!"

"Mommy doesn't buy it at the store, she makes it out of real bread," Parker pouted, sitting down in the corner of the cart. He kicked his foot out at the package of bread as though it were offensive and crossed his arms across his chest.

Nick did a quick check around them for curious onlookers and pulled the cart over to the side of the aisle, "Parker," he said in a warning tone, leaning over the side to grab the boy's Converse sneakered foot before it kicked the bread again, "That's enough. We're getting the bread, and we're making spaghetti for Mommy. It's not up for discussion."

Parker let out a loud whine, pressing himself dramatically into the cart, "I don't want yours I want Mommy's! Yours is stupid!" he yelled, kicking out again.

Nick took a deep breath, trying to control his temper. Parker's outburst had set Zoey off and she was now crying from the cart's seat.

"That's a bad word!" Nick told the boy sternly, never having been much of a disciplinarian, "You made your sister cry! We're getting spaghetti and you are going to your room when we get home. That's final."

Nick could feel heat rushing into his cheeks, partially because he was angry and partially because he was embarrassed that people were standing around watching him. He had one kid thrashing around the cart, the other wailing from the baby seat. He couldn’t blame them; he would have done the same thing. Thinking back he could remember many times when he’d glared at parents who didn’t seem to have their kids under control. It was so very different on the other side of the fence.

"Its okay baby, no one's upset," he stroked Zoey's hair, kissing her forehead. It had become so easy to set her off into a fit he was getting used to bringing her back down off the edge.

Once the youngest was settled down to the occasional sniffle and the eldest was stewing at the bottom of the cart Nick started speed shopping. He had it in his head exactly what he needed for dinner and made his was as quickly through the aisles as possible, grabbing the food.

Those were the times that Nick missed having Tina around the most. She always knew what to do when Parker sported an attitude and it was mostly because she knew how to deal with him.  Nick wasn't as confident in dealing with it because he was nervous about going too far. There were many times where he wanted to yell and he had to remind himself that Parker was just a kid and he didn't deserve it.

It was hard though. It was always his first reaction to get angry but unfortunately it was also Parker's. They were two of a kind, he and his son. Parker’s instinct was to yell, hit, and throw things and so was Nick’s. It often put him in an awkward situation of not knowing how far was too far. He didn’t want the first thing out of Parker’s mouth when Tina showed up later that day to be that Daddy yelled at him in the store. So he kept his cool and simply ignored his frustrations with the boy. It was, after all for the sake of his future.

~*~

Nick pressed his hands against the shower wall, taking deep breaths. He had been going over and over in his head what how he was going to act, what he was going to say, so that Tina would know he was serious about their family. He only had one shot at putting things right and he didn’t want to screw it up. It was a tough sell though, it was clear that Tina wasn’t interested in reconciling.

He heard a noise outside of the shower and he cocked his ear to listen. Parker was supposed to be watching Zoey; he’d let the boy out of his room long enough for him to grab a shower and shave. He would have done it that morning but he hadn’t expected a dinner guest.

He heard the noise a second time and poked his head out the frosted sliding glass door, seeing Zoey trying to climb onto the closed toilet lid without dropping Jerome.

“Do you need to use the potty?” he asked, chuckling when she whipped around in surprise, her baby blues wide with shock.

She stuck her thumb in her mouth and shook her head before turning back to the toilet.

“Baby,” Nick laughed, eyeing where his robe was in case he needed to get out of the shower. He had never had issues being naked with Parker when he was a baby but it was different with Zoey, he found it awkward to have her see him naked even though he knew that she wouldn’t remember it and wouldn’t care. It was a girl thing, he figured, “What are you trying to do?”

She continued to struggle to get onto the toilet seat and Nick could almost see it coming; the little muscle spasm in her back, the gasp of air catching in her throat, the shudder, followed by the sob.

“Okay!” he announced, trying to speak over the wailing, “I’m getting out, just hang on for a second!”

He turned off the water and quickly opened the door, grabbing his white terry cloth robe off a wall hook before pulling it back into the shower with him. He tied it up around his waist and got out of the shower, his feet leaving wet imprints on the lush microfiber bath mat.

In a few short steps he reached the girl, pulling her up into his arms, “Shh,” he soothed her, rubbing his damp hand up and down her back quickly. His mother had been trying to tell him to just leave her, let her cry it out and learn that she couldn’t always make him do what she wanted by crying but he had a hard time with it. Her beet red face and sad puffy eyes killed him. He couldn’t just leave her like that.

Her little hands were wrapped in his dripping wet hair and he sighed. He was reaching for his watch to check the time when he heard the doorbell ring through the condo.

“Someone’s here!” Parker yelled down the hallway at the top of his lungs.

“Don’t answer it, wait for me!” Nick called back, trying to think of how he was going to get clothes on, get Zoey to stop crying and get the door simultaneously.

“Daddy I’m gonna get the door!” Parker yelled and Nick immediately started moving through his bedroom with the crying toddler in his arms.

“Do not answer the door!” he warned, hating that Parker seemed to be doing the exact opposite of everything he told him. By the time he made it into the hallway he could hear Tina’s voice and knew that Parker had to have let her in, “Parker!” he snapped, “I told you not to answer it.”

“It’s juss Mommy,” Parker said. As the boy’s eyes rolled Nick’s grew wide, he couldn’t believe the attitude.

“Just Mommy?” Tina laughed from around the corner. The closet door opened and closed as she hung up her jacket and she rounded the corner, curious to know what all the crying was about, “Oh!” she said in surprise, not expecting Nick to be in a bathrobe, “Did I come too early?”

“No,” he shook his head, shifting his weight from one foot to the other uncomfortably, “You’re on time, actually. It’s my fault. I lost track of time in the shower then we started having a meltdown.”

An awkward silence fell over the pair, the only noise being Zoey’s sniffles and cartoons blaring from the television in the living room.

“I should—“

“Do you need my—”

“No, I—“

“I’m gonna—“

Tina simply pointed to the living room, turned on her heel and walked away. Nick let out a deep breath and walked back to his room with Zoey, wondering how they would ever be able to get back to normal when things were so screwed up.

July 08, 2005 Cleveland Ohio

Her bangs were not cooperating. The stress of having a bad hair day was only intensifying the nerves that were running through Tina's veins. She was standing in the elevator on the way up to Nick's condo yanking on the front of her long brown hair, desperate to get it to lay flat. It wasn't that she cared that he would see her with her straight cut bangs looking silly it was mostly for the principle of it all. Or at least that is what she had vowed to keep telling herself.

All afternoon she had been kicking herself for accepting his invitation to dinner. It had been challenging to explain to Ryan why she had to cancel their dinner plans so that she could go over to her ex's but Nick had conveniently used Zoey as an excuse for them to get together. It sounded much more believable that she would reschedule their date for the sake of her daughter's fourth birthday than because she secretly wanted to see what Nick had been up to for the last three years. She had heard enough from her mother, that both kids were terrors to be with when they were with him and she did feel a little bad. She'd had her own challenges as the two of them adjusted to being in a divided family but she had dealt them. She suspected that Nick didn't know what to do and it had gotten out of control.

There had been a few times where she missed him but for the most part she was loving what had become of her life. She had even been considering going back to school, taking some kind of clerical or administrative course so that she might get a more consistent, better paying job. Not that she didn't love working at the store but shift work was not ideal when raising two children and the pay was a bit less than ideal. She had become so used to being alone even when they were together that being apart was only better. Not only could she continue to take care of the kids the same way she had when Nick was touring but she was out from under his thumb. She could spent money when she wanted to, go places when she wanted to, really do whatever she wanted without having to report to her caretaker.

The fact that Nick seemed to be struggling while she succeeded made her strangely happy. It wasn't that she wanted him to be unhappy she just wanted him to realize how hard her life had been before.

The elevator came to a stop with a ding and Tina let out a heavy breath, taking one more moment to check her hair and makeup before she stepped off the lift and into the lion's den.

Her manicured finger pressed the doorbell and she waited patiently, mentally preparing herself for how she would react when the door swung open and Nick was standing on the other side. She chose a confident facial expression as the door knob started to turn and she looked up, expecting someone much taller than herself. When all she saw was hallway her gaze immediately dropped down, surprised to see that it was Parker that opened the door. He looked so much like Nick, she noted, from the shade of his ocean blue eyes right down to the way his shiny blonde hair fell into his eyes.

"Mommy!" the boy smiled, tossing his arms around her middle with a smile.

"Uh, hi," Tina laughed nervously and moved them both into the apartment, shutting the door behind her, "Are you allowed to open the door?"

Parker stared up at her and rolled his eyes while Tina held back a laugh. The boy was old enough to do so many things that he would never be allowed to do, she knew it frustrated him. Given Nick's celebrity status they never quite knew who was going to be at the other side of the door, or on the other end of the phone so those kinds of things were restricted to adults only. It had calmed down considerably since the boys went on hiatus but the caution was still there. The last thing Nick wanted was for some crazy to get their hands on his son, and Tina could understand his hesitation. Parker on the other hand, could not.

Her questions were answered when she heard Nick holler down the hall about him answered the door and she gave Parker a knowing look, "Listen to your father," she warned the boy sternly before he had a chance to reply to Nick.

It felt chaotic in the small space; Parker full of attitude, Nick in a bathrobe and Zoey crying yet again. She silently wondered what she'd gotten herself into when she'd agreed to come for dinner.

~*~

A loud clang from the kitchen made both Tina and Parker look up from their game of Monopoly Junior. Another crash was followed by a frustrated grunt and Tina chuckled.

"Do you need a hand?" she called out, her fingers still on her game piece.

"No!" Nick called back innocently and she shook her head with a smile, returning to the game.

As she moved her piece around the board she glanced at Parker who was kneeling on his seat, leaning over the table, "What are we having for dinner?" she asked him, reaching out to push his hair behind his ear. He needed a haircut but Nick's hair was long so Parker was keeping his long too no matter how much Tina complained.

Parker made a face, "Spaghetti."

"You love spaghetti," she pointed out with a laugh, surprised to hear him talk so negatively about pasta since he practically lived on the stuff.

The boy shrugged and picked up the dice, tossing them down before moving his token around the board, "Dad doesn't make it like you do."

"Of course he does," Tina dismissed him, "Daddy has my secret recipe. I gave it to him."

Parker looked somewhat skeptical but Tina kept smiling, "Really?" he asked and she nodded convincingly. The boy let out a heavy breath and ran his hands through his hair, "Well he should have said that!"

"Would it have changed everything?" she chuckled at his over dramatic tendencies again reminding her of who his father was.

"Yes!" Parker exclaimed seriously.

Another loud crash from the kitchen was followed by a string of expletives so colourful that Tina felt compelled to lean over and cover Parker's ears.

"I'm going to go help your father," Tina laughed, "Otherwise we may never get to eat today. Why don't you teach Zoey how to play?" she asked, motioning to the girl who was sitting in a little pink foam Disney Princess chair playing with her toys.

"She's too little, she tries to eat the pieces," Parker complained and started to clean the game up with an annoyed grunt.

Tina just shook her head at his frustration and made her way into the kitchen. The kitchen, like the rest of the condo, was large. It was nicely decorated with buffed grey marble counter tops and jet black cabinets with stainless steel appliances throughout. Big windows flooded the room with clean light, making what would normally seem dark and dingy look brilliantly bright.

Nick was standing next to the double wall oven with his finger stuck in his mouth, a cookie sheet with what appeared to be garlic bread laying on the floor next to him. He jumped in surprise when he saw Tina in the kitchen and she just raised an eyebrow in his direction.

"Let me guess," she said casually, moving close enough to pull his finger out of his mouth. She pulled him by the hand over to the sink and turned on the cold water, sticking his index finger under the stream, "You remembered to stock this place with everything imaginable but you didn't buy oven mitts?"

Nick blushed and nodded, not knowing what to say. He was torn over whether he should try and engage her in conversation or let her make all the moves.

"What were you using?" Tina teased, "Your bare hands?"

"No," Nick said defensively, his cheeks still tinged pink with embarassment, "The sleeves of my shirt."

Tina turned his wrist until she could see the underside of the blue button up shirt he was wearing over a white t-shirt. A burn mark was singed into the cuff almost as if he'd had an issue ironing rather than an issue in the kitchen.

"Let me show you a trick. Move," she laughed and without even thinking about it swatted him out of the way with a slap to his right butt cheek.

They both froze wide eyed for a split second looking in opposite directions. Tina was kicking herself for what she'd done and Nick was fighting the urge to comment on it.

He cleared his throat and turned so his back was to the cupboards, "So uh... what's the trick?"

"Right," Tina nodded and picked up two tea towels from a towel rack, "Just... use the towels," she responded, her voice still unsteady. She bent over to pick the pan up off the floor and could swear she felt Nick's eyes on her ass.

She quickly stood up and turned, locking eyes with him. Nick resisted the urge to push her hair out of her face and sighed, "Good trick," he said quietly and she nodded.

"Are we eating yet?!" Parker yelled into the kitchen from the dining room and their eyes snapped to the door nervously, "I'm hungry!"

"Yeah," Nick called back, his voice shaky. He again cleared his throat, looking quickly from Tina back to the entryway, "We'll be right there."

July 09, 2005 Cleveland, Ohio

Dinner had been awkward, to say the least. The kids didn’t appear to notice the tension between their parents as they ate Nick’s spaghetti but the adults could feel it hovering in the room. They each stole glances at one another and spoke about nonsensical topics that really didn’t answer any of the burning questions they had.

Nick had a laundry list of things he wanted to know but none of the questions were all that appropriate for a family dinner so instead he talked about Parker, and Zoey and birthdays and kept the real questions to himself.

He had hoped that they would have a chance to talk after dinner once they had the kids in the bath and getting ready for bed but before the spoon had even dropped on the ice cream sundae he was eating for dessert Tina was getting ready to go. She’d seemed nervous as she kissed the kids goodbye and grabbed her purse and blazer from the hall closet. He got the feeling as though she was too nervous to be alone with him once the kids went to bed. Dinner had accomplished nothing that he had hoped it would.

Nick sighed and stared up at the ceiling in the dark room. His fingers were absentmindedly running through Zoey’s fine hair and she snuggled deeper into his arms, her cheek, pink with sleep, rubbing against the tank top he’d worn to bed. She had come to his room shortly after he’d gotten under the covers, as if she had been waiting for him to lie down. It was typical though, he rarely ever slept alone when the kids were with him. Zoey, for whatever reason, was compelled to be with him during most hours of the day and that included sleeping. It was like she was trying to maximize on her Dad time by keeping the counter running even when she was asleep. Nick didn’t mind though. He wasn’t a big fan of sleeping alone, even if it meant he would be constantly kicked by little pajama covered feet. Whether it was a lover, or his children, he just liked the feel of holding someone while he slept.

There was a knock from outside the front door of the condo and Nick looked over towards the bedroom door, startled. He reached over and grabbed his watch from the bedside table, seeing that it was just coming on seven. He wasn’t expecting his maid service for another couple of days and they didn’t come that early in the morning. There was another knock, a little louder and more urgent this time and Nick sighed, knowing he had to get up and answer it. He slid his arm out from underneath Zoey carefully, laying her head gently on the pillow and placing Jerome where he had once been. She stirred slightly but after a kiss to her forehead she fell back to sleep. He covered her up with the blankets and made his way out of the room and down the hall.

He was only wearing a white tank top and grey boxer briefs so he didn’t swing the door open before taking a look through the peep hole. He blinked a few time to focus his eyes surprised to see that the person on the other side of the door was Tina. She was dressed casually in a pair of form fitting dark wash jeans and a forest green cap sleeved t-shirt with her hair pulled into the same high ponytail she’d been wearing the day before.

Filled with curiosity he undid the door chain and unlocked the dead bolt, keeping himself slightly behind the door as he opened it so he wouldn’t be exposed to whoever else might be in the hallway.

“Hey,” he said, his voice hoarse with sleep. He cleared his throat and ran a hand over his hair to try and tame his bed head while waiting for her to finally speak.

“Hi,” Tina said, finally looking up at him. She was wearing makeup but her eyes still looked tired, “Sorry for waking you up. I think I forgot my cell phone here last night.”

“Oh,” Nick said, his brows coming together in confusion. He hadn’t seen a cell phone when the kids were cleaning up their toys before bed nor had he even seen Tina using a cell phone while she was there, “Well, come in and have a look around for it. Where do you think you left it?”

Tina glanced around nervously, trying not to pay any attention to the fact that Nick was only in his underwear, “Um...living room maybe?”

He motioned her further into the apartment so she could look and followed along, watching as she checked under pillows and on side tables even though they were all places that she hadn’t been the day before, “Did you find it?” he wondered but she shook her head.

“No, I must have left it somewhere--” the distinct buzzing of a cell phone from under her arm interrupted her words and Tina looked at him wide-eyed, clearly caught.

Nick chuckled, “Did you not think to check your purse?” he asked though he was beginning to think that she had ulterior motives for showing up unannounced. To say he was confused would be an understatement. She had practically ran out the door the day before and now here she was at the crack of dawn using a lame, and clearly fake, excuse to get into his condo.

“I guess not,” she said nervously, reaching into her tiny handbag to reveal her cell phone, “It’s my alarm clock,” she admitted shyly, turning the buzzing off.

Nick was fairly certain that if the room wasn’t so dark he would be able to see her blushing, “I guess you’re running a little early then.”

Tina chuckled and nodded, anxiously reaching up to pull her ponytail over her shoulder so she could play with the end. She wasn’t making any move to leave the room and Nick got the impression she was waiting for him to make the next move.

“Do you...” he paused, feeling uncertain before she looked up expectantly, “Do you want a cup of coffee or something?”

“I would love one,” she answered immediately.

“Okay,” he started moving towards the kitchen but noticed that she was still standing frozen in the living room, “Make yourself at home.”

“I’m just going to check on the kids,” Tina called out to him.

His hands were shaking as he put water into the pot and scooped out the coffee grinds but he didn’t know why he was so nervous. It was only a cup of coffee he told himself, trying not to get his hopes too high but he wanted to think that she had come over to apologize to him and ask him to take her back. He knew deep down that wouldn't actually happen, but it was a good dream.

Tina rushing into the kitchen startled him and he jumped, nearly dropping the empty pot before he could put it into the machine, “Where’s Zoey?” she asked and Nick let out a heavy breath.

“She’s in my room,” he explained, “She’s fast asleep. She usually sleeps until 8 or so.”

“I know long she sleeps,” Tina said, her voice laced with defensiveness. With a sigh she apologized, not intending to come off as angry, “When I saw her bed was empty I got nervous.”

Nick laughed, “When she’s with me she doesn’t sleep in her bed,” he told her, pressing the start button on the coffee pot. He turned around and leaned against the counter, crossing his arms across his chest firmly. He considered going to get dressed but at the last second thought that maybe seeing him in his skivvies would remind Tina of what she was missing compared to the weird little guy he'd seen her with at work.

Tina took a seat on a stool at the island in the middle of the room, watching him, “I don’t understand what’s wrong with her. Maybe we need to bring her to a psychologist or something?”

“Our four year old does not need to see a shrink,” Nick scoffed, shaking his head, “I know what’s wrong with her. I have paid enough money to enough doctors to know that she’s messed up because of us. She hasn’t said two words to me in her whole life. She doesn’t need counseling she needs normalcy.”

Tina looked at him sadly, hating that he was the one that had to struggle with Zoey’s problems since the girl was always talkative when she was at home.

“Do you blame me?” she asked. Knowing Nick's past behaviour she could only assume that he didn't take any responsibility for the things that had happened but rather blamed her for ruining everything.

Nick could feel them heading into serious territory. It was the conversation that he had wanted to have the night before. He silently wondered if maybe Tina had wanted to have the same conversation the night before.

“Of course not,” he dismissed, waving her off, “If there’s anyone to blame it’s me.”

July 09, 2005 Cleveland, Ohio

Tina couldn’t argue with him. It wasn’t as though she held him personally responsible for what Zoey was going through but if the reason the girl was so quiet was because of their split, and Tina believed that Nick was the cause of the split then by default he would have played a role in it as much as she had.

“So this is a really nice place,” she said diffusing the conversation. She wanted to keep digging deeper with him but wasn’t sure whether or not he had a lock on his temper. She didn’t want to deal with an angry Nick. That was, after all, a huge factor in why she left, “Can’t have been cheap.”

“It wasn’t,” Nick shrugged, “But I had more than enough money from the house to buy this place out in cash, no mortgage. Not that I wouldn't have had the money before but it just made the decision easier.”

Tina gasped, “You’re selling the house?”

“Not selling,” he corrected, “I sold the house. I didn’t need that great big house to myself and I didn’t have any interest in being all alone in Tampa anymore. The only reason I kept it so long was because part of me was hoping you would come back.”

She ignored his confession, clearing her throat uncomfortably, “So are you just going to stay here?”

Nick shook his head, shifting from one foot to the other to get more comfortable in his position against the counter, “Nah, just when I have the kids,” he told her, “I’m back in the studio with the boys so I got a place in L.A.”

"California?" Tina questioned rhetorically, both eyebrows raised, "How is that going to work? What if something happens and we need you here? What if the kids have something going on and you're three time zones away?"

In the back of her mind she couldn't help but think that California would just be a bad move for Nick. It really had nothing to do with the kids but more about the fact that she felt like it would be easier for him to forget about them, about her. He would surround himself with that celebrity lifestyle, find a trashy girlfriend, buy a mansion and she'd never hear from him again save for his signature at the bottom of his child support contributions.

"You haven't needed me in three years," Nick spat spitefully, turning away from her to grab mugs out of the cupboard, "You didn't tell me about Parker's kindergarten graduation, or that he was in T-Ball, or about Zoey's baptism, I wasn't even invited to any of those things and they were all important to me. So what could the kids possibly have on the go that you would need me for? You seem to have things under control just fine without me."

"I didn't want it to be that way Nick," she told him sadly, watching as he poured the coffee and proceeded to make hers exactly the way she took it. She was surprised that he remembered, "I don't have any excuse for not telling you about those things except that I was afraid to see you."

He couldn't help but laugh as he crossed the room and put her mug down next to her on the kitchen island, "Then you're way more selfish than I ever thought. What did you think I would do? Take the kids? I did everything you ever asked for, I sent you checks every month and kept to my pathetic visitation schedule. I let you know about everything that was happening in my life so you would always know where I was if I was touring or whatever and I got absolutely nothing in return. You wouldn't even speak to me until yesterday! I can't have been that horrible to you."

"You were suffocating me!" she exclaimed, quickly wiping away a tear before he could notice it escape and run down her cheek, "You were the selfish one, I never got to be! You were always holding it over my head that you were the one with all the money, and all the power, and I was just the baby maker."

"Not true," he defended but he knew that part of what she was saying had some truth behind it. He'd had three years to reflect on their relationship and he knew that he had been incredibly selfish, but he was also young, stupid and scared.

"True," she challenged, sitting up straight on the tall bar stool so she was closer to his height, "How many times did you accuse me of using you for your money? How many times did you try and tell me I was worthless and was just some stupid girl looking to 'get stuffed' on spring break? You were the one who came up to me, you know. You were the one that instigated it all, and you being the experienced out of the two of us should have been the one smart enough to put on a condom. You didn't though, did you? Because you were just some stupid guy on spring break looking to get laid, and you've blamed me for it every day since. One minute you'd be telling me how much you loved me and the next you'd be threatening to take all of my earthly belongings away from me. How is that healthy, Nick? How could you want to continue to live that way?"

"Love," he said, leaning his elbows against the kitchen island and she raised an eyebrow in his direction as if to ask if that was all he had to say after her revelation, "You said loved, past tense."

Tina sighed and shook her head in frustration, "You're missing the point, as per usual."

Nick put his head into his hands, pulling on the ends of his hair until they stuck up on end, "No, I get the point," he said, pulling back to look her in the eye, "I was an asshole. I know that. I was just a kid, stupid, jealous and immature."

"You were old enough, mature enough, to get me pregnant twice! You should have been old enough to deal with the consequences. Somehow I managed to be mature enough to handle it all and I'm barely three months older than you," she pointed out before lifting her mug to her lips.

Nick let out a frustrated grunt. He didn't know quite how to express to her that he had changed for the better. She was a much better debater than he was and he felt like no matter what he said she was poised to have a retort that would cancel out whatever he said.

"It was different for you," he finally said quietly, picking at a piece of skin at his thumb so he didn't have to see her expression, "You got nine months to carry around this baby, get to know it, come to terms with the future. I felt like I had just been thrust into everything. I was scared out of my mind. Things were so screwed up and all I ever wanted was to feel like I was part of our family and I never did. I honestly felt like I was just the bank account, not the father. So I guess I was trying to prove my masculinity or something by being overpowering and it was wrong. I know that now. I want to try again, I want for us to be a family."

Tina's breath caught in her throat as he finished. She knew it was coming, she'd known since he showed up in the store the day before that the only reason he would have come to Cleveland would be to try and win her back but she didn't think it would be so quick before he would tell her. It scared her because the emotional part of her wanted to throw her arms around him and say yes but the rational partof her was telling her to run away from him, to get away as fast as she could before she got hurt again.

"It's too late, Nick."

"No, it's not!" he argued, looking at her with pleading eyes, "Don't say that, it's not too late. If anything the kids deserve to have a proper family, we should at least try, for them."

It was Tina's turn to be frustrated. She got up off the stool, collecting her things, "I did try, Nick. I tried for years. Maybe you should have tried a little harder when you had the chance."

"This is about that guy, isn't it?" Nick assumed spitefully, following her out of the kitchen and through the living room, "You're all independent now and you've moved on and you have a boyfriend so why would you need me right? Even though I'm way better looking than that guy, and I can actually support you."

Tina laughed, "This has nothing to do with him though as usual you make everything about yourself. And if you can support me how come you never did? I'm not talking about financially, either. How come you never supported me in anything I ever did?"

"I did though, didn't I?" he questioned, motioning around the room, "You wanted to leave and I let you. You wanted a new life so I paid for you and the kids to have one. I could have come looking for you, I could have sued you for custody but I didn't because I was supporting your decision."

Tossing her arms out in the air she admitted defeat. She couldn't argue with him because for once he was actually right. He had supported her decision to leave, it was the only time she could remember that he ever did, "You win, Nick," she shrugged, not prepared to fight that early in the morning, "As always, you win."

"It's not about winning!"

"Isn't it though?" she asked curiously, "Isn't that what you want? To win me? To win your old life back?"

"No," Nick said softly, shaking his head, "This isn't about me winning and it's not about you, either. It's about them," he pointed in the direction of the bedrooms where their children lie sleeping.

"I need to go," Tina choked out emotionally, tears building in her eyes. She barely made it out the door before a sob escaped her lips. She fell back against the wall in the hallway, mentally kicking herself. She was terrified that she was going to end up back with Nick before he left Cleveland, torn between what was best for their kids and what would probably destroy her in the end.

July 11, 2005 Cleveland, Ohio

The day the kids went back home was heartbreaking for Nick. Over and over again he had to give them away, rip himself away from them after just starting to adjust to having them around. To simplify it to himself he thought about it in the sense of renting a video game. He could get a game and absolutely love it, play it for the entire time of the rental and then never want to return it. He still had more challenges to conquer, more levels to complete, he was not ready to simply bring it back to the store and maybe pick it back up another time.

There was a slight consolation in the fact that he was in Cleveland and not flying the kids into the airport. Rather than sitting on the plane with two cranky children counting down the hours and minutes until he would have to see them off only to turn back around and get on a plane again he actually got to enjoy the wrap up to his time.

They’d spent the morning after breakfast at the park. He’d gotten himself stuck in the playground equipment a few times but they still had a blast, laughing, running and being silly. It was refreshing for Nick to actually see Zoey have a smile on her face and listen to her squeal as she ran around the playground, and slipped down the slide happily.

They were now at a low key pizza parlour having lunch. It was a family friendly place with bright colours on the walls and big pieces of brown paper covering the tables so the kids could colour while they waited for their food. Most of all though, it was nearly empty, the lunch rush was over.

Parker got one side of the booth to himself and was making quick work of his very own personal sized pepperoni pizza before he had to go back to eating healthy at Mom’s house. Zoey was sitting in a bright pink booster seat on the inside of the booth next to Nick picking the liquorice whiskers of a kitty cat pizza, her immediate selection off the kid’s menu.

“Is that good?” Nick asked her with a smile, running his hand over her hair quickly.

She nodded and continued to pull the pieces off the pizza which used bits of candy as well as regular toppings to give the small pizza the appearance of a cat.

“What is this?” he asked her, pointing to the pizza, “Is that a kitty? Can you tell Daddy what that is?”

“She won’t say it,” Parker rolled his eyes and Nick shushed him, encouraging her to say the word.

Trying to get Zoey to speak had become a habit and although he knew that she needed to do it in her own time he was getting desperate to hear her say something other than Daddy. He wanted to hear her say something with a smile on her face, without all the tears, just for once. She stayed silent though, kicking her feet under the table, still picking away at her lunch.

“It’s okay,” Nick said though the sentiment was more for his benefit than hers, “Maybe later.”

He was about to go back to his own pizza when the bell above the door jingled and he looked up to see Tina’s father making his way through the restaurant. It was shocking enough that it wasn’t Lynn coming to pick up the kids but after a quick check of his watch Nick realized the man who was once almost his father-in-law was early.

“Grandpa!” Parker said cheerily as the older man slid into the booth and greeted them both.

“You’re early,” Nick pointed out, double checking his watch just to be certain.

Tina’s father wrapped an arm around Parker’s shoulders, “Don’t worry, I’ll wait until you’re done your lunch,” he said to Nick before turning to the boy, “What did you guys do this weekend?”

Parker started rambling excitedly about all the things they had done but Nick couldn’t find it in himself to feel excited. He had known that this moment was coming, that he would eventually have to step back and let them go but seeing Tina’s father had just made it all the more real. He pushed his plate away from him, suddenly losing his appetite.

“I said I would wait,” the other man stressed to him in a friendly tone and Nick glanced up, tears brimming in his eyes, “Are you okay?”

“No,” Nick choked out, shaking his head, “I can’t do this anymore. It’s killing me. Every time I feel like it’s that day all over again. I just keep thinking about how terrible it felt to come home and find out everything was gone.”

“I’m sorry,” Tina’s father told him and Nick felt like he was being genuine in his sympathy, “I wish things were different--”

“No you don’t,” Nick snapped, “You love this! You wanted her away from me and you got what you wanted. Who cares that it was at my expense and the expense of your grandchildren. You got what you wanted!”

“Maybe initially,” he admitted, watching the two kids eat their lunches oblivious to the serious conversation happening on the other side of the table, “but I never thought she was going to stick with it this long. I figured she would take a little while, you’d come back from your recording, you’d both realize how stupid you were being and smarten up for the sake of these two. I never imagined that it would have gone on this long. I’m on your side Nick. I can’t stand to see how this has affected the kids; it’s not fair to them. You had problems, sure, but neither of you ever really gave it any effort to work things out. It was just so much drama but I felt, at the end there, that you had been making progress.”

“I was,” Nick said softly, “I made a lot of mistakes but I’ve learned from them. I’ve grown up. That’s what I tried to tell Tina this weekend but she wouldn’t listen.”

“You saw Tina this weekend?” the elder interrupted and Nick raised his eyebrows in surprise, not having expected that he and Lynn wouldn’t already know all the details.

“Yeah,” the blonde nodded, “She came over for dinner and then showed up the next morning. We talked but she basically said that it’s over and there’s no hope of working things out.”

“And she saw this?” he questioned, pointing towards Zoey. The girl had eaten all the toppings off her kitty cat pizza and was currently examining the cat shaped crust.

Nick nodded and quickly leaned over to kiss the girl’s head.

A frown covered the older man’s face, “Well,” he muttered, “We should get going.”

Reluctantly Nick nodded and got out of the booth, collecting the kid’s bags while holding back his emotions, “Guys it’s time to go with Grandpa.”

“Why can’t we go back home with you?” Parker asked, looking between the two adults curiously.

“Because you have to go to Mommy’s house,” Nick answered, reaching into the booth to slide Zoey, still on the pink booster seat, across the vinyl. The tears were already welling in her eyes but he ignored them, it would be too hard to watch her cry then send her off with someone else. The second he picked her up she turned on the waterworks and he did his best to avoid eye contact. Once her feet were on the ground he packed up her stuff and handed it off to her grandfather.

Tina’s father scooped up the crying child while she stretched out her arms for her father, Parker following dutifully behind. She struggled against him, kicking out her legs and arms until her grandfather couldn’t help but put her back down on the ground.

“Daddy!” she screamed through the mostly empty restaurant, bursting into a sprint back towards her father who was in the middle of paying their bill at the cash register.

Ignoring his change Nick crouched down so he was closer to his height, “You have to go with grandpa, Princess.”

Zoey let out a sob and threw herself into his arms, “A kitty!” she cried suddenly into his ear, “My pizza was a kitty!”

“Zoey,” Nick’s eyes were wide and he pulled back, in complete shock that she had suddenly started talking to him.

She was still a blubbering mess, holding onto his collar, “Please don’t make me go! I’ll say anyfing you want! I’ll say anyfing!”

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” he comforted her, pulling her up into his arms as he stood.  The next few moments were the hardest of his life. He felt like he was betraying the person he loved most in the world; rubbing her back, kissing her hair and soothing her cries while walking her out to the car that would take her away from him. Hearing Zoey speak should have been a happy moment but instead it was marred by guilt and anger. She thought that he was sending her away because she wouldn’t answer his question about her pizza when in reality keeping her with him wasn’t an option. He felt guilty that she had tried so hard, put herself out there, in order to stay with him and he was sending her away anyway. He fought to control his emotions as he strapped her into her car seat and dropped a lingering kiss to her forehead, assuring her that they would see one another again soon.

July 11, 2005 Cleveland, Ohio

Tina knew something was up as soon as she walked into her parent's house. Her first indication was the music she could hear playing loudly from the living room. She immediately recognized the sounds of Backstreet's Millenium album and couldn't help but wonder what was going on. Her stomach fluttered lightly thinking about whether or not she would find Nick in the living room, singing and dancing along with a soundtrack of his own voice. Instead she found the room empty except for Zoey who was laying stomach down on the couch, tightly clutching Jerome in her arms.

"What are you doing baby?" she asked, moving to her daughter's side. She crouched down next to the brown leather sofa and brushed back Zoey's hair lovingly.

"Listening to Daddy," the girl whispered and the sadness in her voice broke Tina's heart.

"Okay," she said uneasily, kissing the girl's temple quickly before heading towards the kitchen to find her parents. Something had clearly happened for Zoey to be so upset, and she could only assume it had something to do with picking the kids up from Nick.

Her second indication that something was not right was walking in on both her parents sitting at the kitchen table in the middle of a heated conversation. Her father looked upset, and Tina looked between the two of them curiously before announcing her presence in the room.

"What's going on?" she asked, feeling the tension in the room.

Her father took a deep breath, "We need to talk to you."

"Did something happen? Are the kids okay? Zoey was acting so weird--"

"They're fine," he was quick to assure her, "this is about Nick."

"Is he okay? Did something happen?" Tina asked for a second time, her eyes flitting back and forth between her parents. She was somewhat reassured when her mother rolled her eyes, it was at least an indication that it was nothing too serious.

Her father shook his head quickly, "he's fine," he told her, "I just need to ask you something. I just need you to tell me for sure that you're completely done with this relationship."

Tina was confused, to say the least. She couldn't figure out why her father would be asking her that. Nick had obviously spilled the beans about the fact that they had seen each other that weekend, but she didn't know whether he knew all the details of their visit. She had done a lot of soul searching, thinking about whether or not her relationship was Nick was truly over and the short answer was no. She was forever linked to him because of the two children they shared, and she didn't lie in her note when she told him she'd always love him, but she didn't know if she was in love with him anymore, or even if she ever was.

"She doesn't love him!" Lynn exclaimed when no answer had come from Tina, "they're better apart!"

"That's not true," Tina interrupted, holding her hand up to silence her mother, "I do love him; he's the father of my children. I don't need you to tell me how I feel. That's partly what got us into this mess in the first place."

Lynn let out a frustrated huff and Tina could swear her father was holding back a grin. Clearing his throat he addressed only her, "I don't think that there's no hope left for you two working things out. I think you need to actually give it a good try."

"We did try...or, at least, I tried," Tina sighed, "I don't know why this is even an issue. There are millions of families that have one mother, one father, two mothers or two fathers and even families that have two parents that aren't together anymore. I don't know what makes this situation any different from those other families. People with children break up every day, it's normal."

"Nothing about your relationship was normal!" her father exclaimed, standing up from the table. He pulled Tina to the kitchen island and onto a tall bar stool, taking a seat next to her so they were facing one another, "Normal people date for a while before they're in a relationship, before they have children or even think about getting married. They have years to get to know each other, what they like and dislike and then they have years to grow apart. You went away for a week and came back pregnant. You had to get a hold of this boy you barely knew and tell him then go back to school the next day. Immediately, right from the start, there was this huge chasm between you and it was Parker. You never got to get to know one another, to date, or be 'normal' because your lives were consumed by the fact that things were never going to be the same."

Tina wiped tears away from her eyes and nodded though she found it incredibly difficult to hear her life actually told in words that way. It was a hard truth to acknowledge and just reminded her of the fact that she had so many dreams for her life that had never come to fruition.

Her father took her hands in his before continuing, "I'm not going to try and defend Nick because we all know that he made a lot of mistakes. I've taken some time to try and see things from his perspective though and I can see where things went wrong. I can see how he was consumed by jealousy. I don't know how I would feel if I had missed all of your milestones as a baby but I imagine that if I had I would have been jealous of your mother too. Then I realized that he just crumbled under the pressure. All that stuff happening with his friend at the same time Zoey was born, then he's got you telling him that you'll leave if he doesn't marry you. You demanded a commitment from him yet your way of showing him commitment was to threaten him? It was a mess. Nick made mistakes but so did you and so did we."

"What mistakes did we make?" Lynn interrupted, crossing her arms across her chest defensively.

"We should have left well enough alone," he told her honestly, not breaking his gaze away from Tina, "We never should have gotten involved. It was wrong of your mother to convince you to leave. You need to make sure before you walk away forever that this is what you really want because we're not going to play the middle man anymore. We're not going to take his phone calls, or pick the kids up so that you don't have to see him. You have to see him, you have to act like an adult and deal with him like an adult but I know you can't because you're afraid you'll tell him the truth; that you love him."

"He hurt me so bad!" Tina cried, lowering her head. Her father's hand dropped hers and she immediately felt it on her hair, petting her soothingly.

"I know," her Dad admitted, "but you were kids. You're adults now, it's time to put yourself second and put your children first. If you don't do this now you never will and you'll spend the rest of your life wondering if things could have worked out and so will your kids."

"I hate that I'm always the one making the decisions," Tina admitted with a sigh, looking up into her father's eyes. He seemed so genuine, so honest that she knew above all that he was right. Everyone deserved a second chance and Nick was no different. It wasn't just a second chance for them to be together but also a second chance for him to do right by Parker and Zoey. She knew that things had to change though, they couldn't just fall back into a relationship again. She had thought all along that she knew everything there was about him, but it had become apparent that she really didn't. She needed to learn about his childhood, his upbringing and all the things that brought him to where he was when she met him. It was impossible to understand where he was coming from without knowing where he came from. Above all though he needed to earn her trust back and it would be up to him to figure out how to do that.

"Get used to it," Lynn piped up and they both looked over at her. The older woman let out a heavy sigh, "Adults have to make decisions. As much as it pains me to say this, your father is right. I don't want you to go through life with regrets and I can't take another day of watching those children pine for their father."

"What should I do?" Tina asked, looking between the two of them for advice.

Lynn stood up and picked up Tina's purse from where she'd dropped it on the floor, handing it to her, "Nick might not have left yet, you could catch him before he goes to the airport. If not, enjoy your trip to California."

July 11, 2005 Cleveland, Ohio

Tina had a bad feeling as soon as she pulled up in front of Nick's condo. The rented SUV that he had been driving the day before was no longer parked in the spot she'd seen it when she'd gone over. It was possible he had returned the car and was taking a cab to the airport, but she knew it was more likely that he'd already left. After all, it wasn't as though he had much of a reason to stick around now that the kids were back with her. 

Throwing her car into park she didn't even bother to take the keys out of the ignition before racing out of the car and up the steps to the entrance of the condo. Her hand slapped against the door anxiously before switching to ringing the doorbell but there was no answer. With a deflated sigh Tina headed back to the car and leaned her head against the steering wheel trying to think of her next move. 

Her brain told her that it was silly to do anything other than head home and call Nick later. She had two children sitting at her parent's house that didn't even know she'd left, she couldn't just disappear - they were traumatized enough. But her heart was telling her she needed to go to the airport. There was still a chance that Nick hadn't gotten on the plane yet and she could catch him before he left. She didn't have to get on a plane herself, she just had to see for sure whether or not he had actually left. Taking a deep breath to push away her nerves Tina started the car and turned in the opposite direction of home, heading instead towards Hopkins International Airport on the outskirts of the city. This level of spontaneity was unheard of for Tina; she was normally the type of person that liked to know ahead of time what was going to happen. She didn't particularly care for surprises and definitely didn't do things on a whim; like chase ex-lovers to the airport.

She was walking through the departures area of the airport and Tina was filled with a sudden sense of dread. It was then that she realized that if Nick had already checked in and gone through security then there was no way she could find him unless she had a ticket. She thought of calling him but didn't want him to think she was asking him to stay; she just wanted to talk to him, not stress him out before he had to go to work. If she didn't find him then she would simply call him later, once he was on the ground in California. To start with, she didn't have much of an idea what she even wanted to say so beyond exchanging niceties she didn't know how a phone call would go. She did a quick scan of the check in area but didn't see his familiar shape anywhere amongst the dozens of bodies milling around the room. A large screen hanging from the ceiling showed the long list of arrivals and departures and she did a quick scan for flights leaving to Los Angeles. At the top of the departure list there were two, one was just taking off while the other left in a half hour. Her gut told her that Nick was on the flight just leaving and she let out a heavy sigh. It was both relief and disappointment she felt as she turned away from the board. 

Thinking back to the conversation with her parents she remembered the last thing her mother had said to her before she'd left, enjoy your trip. She never would have thought her parents would have encouraged her to chase after him; their ability to be spontaneous was even more limited than hers. Yet her mother had told her to go. Of all people she never would have thought it would be the woman that for years had hated Nick, and hated that she was with him that would have told her to try and salvage things. Tina was tempted to leave, to stick to her original plan and just call Nick once he landed but her body wouldn't go. Soon enough, as if possessed by an outside force, she found herself walking towards the ticket counter and before she could stop herself she was asking about a ticket on the next flight to Los Angeles that she'd seen on the board. The woman behind the counter was helpful but explained that on such short notice the only seats available on the plane would be in first class. 

Tina sighed and opened her wallet, wondering silently if she would have room on her credit card for a first class ticket to L.A. The solution became obvious though when, sitting just behind her Visa, as always, was the Amex Black that Nick had given her when they first got together. Even after she left he didn't ask for the card back, rather he told her to keep it to pay for any incidentals for the kids; doctor’s appointments, new clothes, or anything else that was his responsibility to buy. 

"It's easier to beg for forgiveness than ask for permission," she muttered to herself, the statement having so much more weight considering her current situation. 

She handed over the card and cringed as the woman swiped it; committing her to a two thousand dollar bill if things didn't go how she wanted them to. 

"I'll tell them you are on your way but you'll have to hurry the flight is just getting ready to board," the clerk explained, handing Tina her boarding pass and the credit card back. 

Thanking the woman Tina raced through the airport before she had time to talk herself out of it.  

~*~

 Nick sighed a shoved his headphones over his ears, preparing himself for a long flight. It wasn’t the actual hours on the plane that bothered him but he knew he wouldn’t be able to keep himself from overanalyzing what had happened in the restaurant earlier that day.  

He’d been disappointed when it wasn’t Tina who came to pick up the kids. He’d really believed they had made some head way during her visits to his condo so he was shocked to see things go back to normal that quickly. She didn’t have to be his friend, but it would be nice for her to even want to see him at all.

 “We’re just waiting for one passenger and then we’ll get going,” the flight attendant explained, flashing them a bright, professionally whitened smile.  

Nick glared at the woman before turning to stare out the window; he hated when they made those announcements. They set a boarding time for a reason, if you couldn’t get on the plane before that then sorry you can take the next one. He never understood why they would hold up a plane full of people who potentially had connections in other airports that they had to make in order to accommodate one person who didn’t know how to manage their time.

The pilot’s voice was crackling over the speaker and suddenly the airport started moving away from them. Nick hadn’t even noticed anyone else get on the plane but he was relieved they were finally leaving. If they had stayed on the tarmac any longer he was pretty sure he would have found a way off the plane. He didn’t like to fly, and he didn’t want to leave his family behind again.

Zoey thought he didn’t want to be with her, thought that he was giving her away every time he returned her to her mother. Thinking about it killed him because it couldn’t be further from the truth. Every time his in-laws came to collect the kids he had to resist the urge to strap them into the back of the car, hit the gas and never look back. He had made a decision on the ride to the airport that he wasn’t getting enough time with them. Tina probably wouldn’t like it but he was going to call his lawyer as soon as he was on the ground and arrange time to get back in front of a judge. He needed more time, and he truly believed he could provide for them better while they were with him than just sending a cheque every month.

The seatbelt sign dinged off and the flight attendants were quickly in the aisles, doting over the first class passengers. Nick often found them annoying; you barely got through your drink before they were asking you if you were thirsty or hungry. He was paying for the leg room not to be bothered by an overly cheerful woman, no matter how pretty or busty she may be.

“Would you like something to drink?”

Both pretty and busty she was he had to admit. In front of him stood a curvy blonde wearing a tight blue uniform; the top few buttons of her dress shirt undone to reveal a considerable amount of cleavage as she leaned down to speak to him.

“Orange juice,” he replied with a grin, not even attempting to make it look like he wasn’t staring at her breasts.

He looked away while she poured his drink, feeling somewhat guilty about turning on the charm for the good looking flight attendant. He looked back just in time to see her ‘accidentally’ spill some of the juice on the leg of his pants with an innocent ‘oops’.

“I’m so sorry,” she said in a sultry tone and he didn’t buy it for a second, “If you come with me up to the front I’ll help you... get that out of your pants.”

He couldn’t believe he was being propositioned by the flight attendant. She must have known who he was before she came up to him, but it wasn’t as if he had never fucked a fan before. He had a split second to decide what to do; whether he should sit there and wallow in his own self pity for the next five hours or join the mile high club and bask in the afterglow instead.

It was barely a decision at all, “Lead the way,” he smiled, giving her another glance up and down.

She ditched the drink cart and started walking back up the aisle towards the bathroom, hips swinging. She turned back and gave him a quick look and a wink and Nick practically jumped out of his skin he couldn’t get up fast enough.

He unbuckled his seatbelt and started making his way through the first class cabin to follow. As he reached the first couple of rows he could have sworn the woman sitting in the second row looked just like Tina. It was as if his mind was trying to make him feel guilty for the decision to have sex on the plane. It wasn’t as if he was cheating on her, they hadn’t been together in three years. He couldn’t stop looking at the woman as he got closer to the second row, feeling his blood pressure rising and butterflies in his stomach. He’d almost completely forgotten why he was in the aisle to start with, oblivious to the fact that the flight attendant was waiting for him in the bathroom for a quickie.

He figured that once he reached the second row he would check and the woman would look nothing like Tina, just a figment of his imagination. Instead though, as he reached with his neck to see around the man sitting in the aisle seat he realized that the woman sitting by the window, looking out at the clouds, much as he was doing just moments before, was the woman he loved.

July 11, 2005 Los Angeles, California

She was still looking out the window and hadn’t noticed the strange man standing in the aisle of the plane staring at her. The man in the aisle seat had noticed though, and was staring at Nick curiously through a pair of black rimmed frames.

“Hi,” Nick flashed a friendly grin at the man, which was not returned. Either the guy, who was clearly flying somewhere on business judging by his sharp black suit, thought he was crazy or thought he was hitting on him, “I’m sitting a couple of rows back and was wondering if we could switch seats so I could sit next to my girlfriend?”

Though his eyes were still on the man Nick heard Tina’s sharp intake of breath, making it apparent that she had noticed he was there. The man turned and gave Tina and questioning look as if trying to make sure that she actually wanted this weirdo next to her. When she didn’t protest the man reluctantly agreed, vacating his spot in exchange for Nick’s seat in the sixth row.

With complete disregard for what brought him into the aisle and up to the front of the plane in the first place Nick eased himself into the aisle seat, staring at Tina’s surprised face. They were quiet for a moment, just taking each other in before Nick finally collected the gumption to speak.

“I have to admit I’m a little confused,” he told her quietly, not wanting to draw attention from anyone else in the plane. He could feel his heart beating quickly, pounding hard enough he was sure his shirt was bouncing against his skin. He didn’t know why he was so nervous, but knew it had something to do with the uncertainty of why Tina was on the plane.

“Nick, I--”

“What the fuck are you doing here?” he spat, wide eyed. He ran both hands through his hair and tipped it back to lean against the headrest, “Seriously, why are you on this plane?”

“I-I just,” Tina stammered, reaching out to pull his hand out of his hair, her hand tightening around his forearm, “I needed to talk to you.”

He looked down at her hand on his arm and turned in the seat so he was facing her, “What’s going on? You just jump on a plane to Los Angeles? How did you know where I would be?”

“I didn’t,” she admitted with a shrug, “I had some time to think and...I was going to find you...talk to you and tell you that...that...”

She had been in the middle of planning her grand speech when he had suddenly appeared in the aisle. She had herself so convinced that he had been on the flight that already left that she hadn’t even considered looking around for him on the plane. Of course he would have been in first class, but it didn’t even occur to her that he could be just a few rows away. Now that he was asking for an explanation she was dumbstruck. At that point she knew her best bet was to just speak from her heart and say whatever came first to mind.

“I want you to take me on a date,” she stated, still holding on to his forearm tightly.

Nick laughed, but quickly let his chuckles die when he saw the deflated look on her face, “Sorry, I’m just surprised that you were going to follow me to LA so you could ask me out.”

“To be honest I don’t know what I’m doing on this plane,” Tina admitted with an exasperated sigh. She motioned down to the black yoga pants and green tank top she was wearing, “I don’t have anything but the clothes I’m wearing, I don’t have money in my bank account and I was scared out of my mind about what I was going to do when the plane landed but for some strange reason I’m here. I got a ticket and got on this plane because I had to see you.”

“Baby,” he let out a heavy sigh, his eyes drawn into his lap, “I’m so confused--”

He was about to ask her what her intentions were with following him to California. He was going to tell her that she needed to stop messing with his mind and jerking him in different directions. He wanted to say that he loved her but wasn’t going to wait for her anymore. He didn’t get to say any of those things though because he was blinded by pain when a drink cart suddenly smashed into his knee which was just hanging slightly into the aisle. He cried out in pain and grabbed his leg, rubbing the spot where the corner of the cart had nailed him.

“Oh. I’m sorry,” the same flight attendant from before was back and from the look on her face Nick could tell she was not impressed with seeing him sitting with another woman after leaving her waiting in the bathroom.

“It’s fine,” Nick panted, still rubbing his leg. Tina’s hand was on his back and she was looking at him with a concerned expression.

“Can I get you a drink?” blonde and busty asked, her voice void of emotion.

“Can we get some water?” Tina asked but Nick quickly refused, muttering a quick no thank you. He had a bad feeling about what might happen if the flight attendant was armed with any projectiles.

“Sure,” she said with false sweetness and what he could only describe as an evil smile. In first class there were no small plastic cups. You paid more to get things like real cutlery and glasses made of real glass. Nick watched the flight attendant pull out a high ball glass, and fill it half with ice before reaching for a water bottle.

“That’s fine!” he spoke hurriedly, “I can pour it myself.”

“Oh no,” busty told him, “I’ll do it for you. I feel terrible about your knee.”

“Really, its okay,” he protested, watching her pour more and more water into the glass until it was nearly overflowing over the top.

He knew it was coming and braced himself before she had even had the glass raised in her hand. He didn’t try to shy away or deflect it, merely closed his eyes as a cascade of water and ice came flying in his direction. The water hit him like a slap to the face, splashing all over his clothes and the seat, and even a little on Tina.

“By the way,” the flight attendant addressed the woman in the window seat who had jumped back from the wave of Aquafina, “You may want to look for another boyfriend because this one was just about to fuck me in the bathroom. Asshole.”

The flight attendant walked away angrily, pushing the cart down the rest of the aisle. They had attracted a fair amount of attention from other passengers in first class so Nick made sure to avoid looking around so as not to be recognized. He didn’t have a towel or anything he could clean himself up with so he just started wiping as much water off his pants as he could, surprised when he felt Tina brushing back his shaggy wet hair so it wasn’t sending rivets of water down his face.

“I kinda feel like I might have just cock blocked you,” she admitted sheepishly, pushing his hair behind his ears.

“It was my fault,” Nick explained, wishing his available dry clothes weren’t five rows back in the overhead compartment, “When I asked that guy to switch seats I called you my girlfriend, she must have overheard.”

“I’m sorry--”

“Don’t apologize,” he interrupted, turning to face her, “It wasn’t what I wanted. I thought maybe joining the Mile High Club might be a way to stop thinking about you and what a terrible weekend I had. If I hadn’t been following her up the aisle I would have never seen you and we wouldn’t have the next three hours to talk. I’m glad it happened.”

Tina smiled despite the bit of jealousy she felt. She knew deep down that she didn’t have a right to be jealous but here she was, flying to the other side of the country to try and work things out with him and he couldn’t even make it on a four hour flight without getting laid. She used the awkward moment to go back to Nick’s original seat and grab his carry on from the overhead bin. He always carried a change of clothes in it in case the airline lost his suitcase and soon he was at least dressed in a dry shirt even if his jeans were still soaked through.

“Have you ever?”

“Have I what?” he asked as she watched him put the sweatshirt that had been in his bag down on the seat so he wasn’t sitting on a wet spot.

“You know...” she blushed, her cheeks turning a light shade of pink, “The Mile High Club?”

Nick chuckled, “Uh... yeah.”

She couldn’t keep herself from asking him when. She knew it could have likely been within the last three years; after all he was on planes all the time because of work and from going back and forth to see the kids. He didn’t answer though, instead he looked the other way and it gave her an uneasy feeling.

“When we were together?” she wondered aloud, trying to keep her voice confident. She knew he had cheated on her early in their relationship, it was something she had been aware of long before she’d left and admittedly was an influencing factor into leaving.

“Not that it matters but... yeah; it was while we were together, it’s happened since then too by the way but only a couple of times.”

Tina sighed, “It does matter Nick it matters a lot. You were willing to cheat on me before, how can I trust that if we get back together you won’t do it again?”

July 11, 2005 Los Angeles, California

The simple answer was that Nick couldn’t promise that he would never stray in their relationship, if they had one. Monogamy was not a strong spot for him, and he had a wandering eye. The most he could tell Tina was that she had to trust that he would do his very best to keep his hands (and other orifices) off of other women. He felt as though that was something huge that had been missing out of their relationship; a certain level of trust. She couldn’t trust him to not get into trouble, or not be unfaithful and he couldn’t trust her to believe him with any kind of consistency. He knew there was no excuse for cheating, but he really felt as though he wouldn't have done it as much as he had if she had only believed him when he wasn't. Instead he was always accused of cheating until he finally decided to live up to her expectations.

Tina clearly wasn’t a fan of his answer. He had always been honest and forthcoming in the past when he’d cheated but it was a small consolation for her. She was starting to have doubts about getting back into a relationship with someone who couldn’t keep his dick in his pants but given that there was no walking off the plane until it was on the ground in Los Angeles, she was going to have to deal with it.

A male flight attendant came by and dropped two plates of food in front of them, giving them both a much needed distraction from the sudden tension between them. It was a pasta dish, tossed with pesto and fresh roasted vegetables, a significantly different choice from the luncheon meat sandwiches and tiny bags of pretzels that were being handed out in economy class.

“Are you gonna eat these?” Nick asked reaching his fork over for a cherry tomato out of Tina’s plate.

“Yes,” she snapped, clearly annoyed as she knocked his hand away, “Why wouldn’t I?”

Nick shrugged with wide eyes, holding up his hands in defence, “Sorry, I just didn’t think you would want them since you don’t like tomatoes.”

“I love tomatoes!”

“Oh,” he said sheepishly, scooping up a forkful of his own food, “That must be someone else.”

Nick realized then that there was a lot about Tina that he didn’t know. He knew exactly the way to touch her that would make her thighs quiver but if he had to make a list of the foods she didn’t eat, or movies she wouldn’t watch he would be at a loss. There was a big void in their lives together that they seem to have skipped. He thought back to her mentioning a date and tried to remember if they had ever even gone on a date. He was fairly certain that the night they’d gone out to the club and he’d gotten arrested might have been the first real date they’d been on.

He heard a sniffle coming from the direction of the window and turned, seeing Tina with her face buried in her hands, crying quietly.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, reaching out to rub her back quickly. He leaned forward and tried to see around her hands but she was covering her face well.

“Nick,” she cried, “I don’t know if I can do this! I want to try, I really do, but we’re so different! It’s so easy to say I love you but so hard to trust you because you’ve broken my trust so many times! I’m not sure that’s what I want for our kids; to grow up with parents that don’t trust each other.”

He frowned, sighing. She was right, they were very different people. At the root of it all though, he knew that something must have brought them together that weekend on spring break, there had to have been something they saw in one another he just had to remember what it was.

“We’re gonna go on a date,” he told her, “I’m gonna take you on a date and we’re gonna get to know each other again. I know a lot changed between first meeting and now and we’ve both done a lot of stupid things...mostly me. I want to know everything there is to know about you and I can’t say for sure whether or not this is worth fighting for until I know who I’m fighting for. So can we do that first?”

Tina pulled her hands away from her face, quickly wiping away the tears. She looked into his baby blues and immediately saw sincerity there and it calmed her frayed nerves. She smiled slightly and nodded, reaching out to grab his hand for reassurance.

~*~

When Nick had originally planned his trip to the west coast he was going to be staying with AJ until he finished furnishing his apartment. His second home, a 3500 square foot, 4 bedroom, 3 bathroom condo in Santa Monica with an ocean front view was currently sitting empty save for stacks of boxes that had been shipped over from Tampa.

He wasn’t sure what he was going to do now that Tina was with him but they couldn’t stay at the empty condo and he certainly couldn’t show up at AJ’s with a plus one. His friend would likely not tolerate the potential drama that would accompany the two of them together. It seemed a little strange to get a hotel room for six hundred dollars a night when he had just dropped a million dollars on a townhouse.

“Where to?” the cab driving sitting at the front of the car asked and Nick and Tina shared a look.

“Uuh...” Nick stalled, thinking of the best solution, “1719 Ocean Front Walk in Santa Monica. We’ll have to stop somewhere that sells camping stuff first though.”

“Is this place you got in the woods or something?” Tina asked with a laugh, pulling her hair up into a ponytail to try and combat the hot Los Angeles weather.

“No,” Nick chuckled as the cab pulled away from the curb and out onto the road, “I just don’t have beds or a couch or anything. I figured we could rough it, get some air mattresses and sleep out on the balcony. I’m in the penthouse and have this amazing rooftop patio. I thought it might be fun.”

She smiled slightly and nodded, “Yeah, it sounds like a lot of fun. How far away are we?”

“About 12 miles,” he answered, “So we’ll be there in like an hour.”

Tina let out a guffaw, laughing at his answer, “An hour? What’s the speed limit?”

“Traffic,” Nick replied with a crooked grin, “A 20 minute drive is always more like an hour.”

They chatted idly about the scenery as the cab wound its way through the city streets. Eventually the car pulled up in front of a Walmart and they instructed the driver to stay put with the meter running while they went in and got provisions.

Tina headed in the direction of the clothes while Nick pushed a cart towards the outdoor section, getting excited about the idea of setting up a little camp on his patio. He wasn't sure what, if anything, had prompted the idea but he knew that going out and buying a bed would not only take too long but it would put a lot of expectation on how the night should end. By getting sleeping bags and air mattresses though, the expectation was gone. Neither one of them could assume what was going to happen by the end of the night except that they were going to go on a date. Nick figured he'd keep the date pretty simple since Tina didn't have a whole lot with her. He lived a very short walk away from the Santa Monica pier and figured they could grab something to eat and just enjoy the atmosphere that came with the always active pier. If he was lucky, she would let him into the arcade for a while.

He piled the cart full of battery operated air mattresses, sleeping bags, pillows and other camping supplies before Tina finally caught up with him. Her arms were full of clothes and toiletries and an open bag of marshmallows was balanced on top.

"Marshmallows?" he chuckled and she reached up and stuffed one into his mouth after emptying all of her things into the cart.

"Jiffy Pop, too," she nodded, "We're camping right? We need camp food."

Nick laughed, his cheeks dimpling with how hard he was smiling. He couldn't have been more happy that Tina seemed to be as excited about sleeping on the roof of a luxury condominium as he was.

"That's shoplifting," he teased as she bit off a piece of fluffy sugar.

Tina smiled and nudged his arm slightly, "Not if you pay for it."

"You think I'm made of money? I can't go around buying marshmallows for every girl that asks," he teased and they continued through the store to make sure they had enough to stock Nick's apartment.

March 21, 1998 Daytona, Florida

Nick smoothed out the front of his shirt for what seemed like the hundredth time. He’d gone through a half dozen outfits, all nearly identical, before finally settling on a pair of black board shorts and a bright blue Hawaiian shirt splashed with yellow flowers.

“You went through all of that to choose the ugliest outfit ever created?” Brian teased with a laugh. He’d been sitting cross legged on the bed watching the show since they’d gotten back to the room after filming an MTV appearance earlier in the day. Watching Nick get ready for anything when he was nervous was possibly the most entertaining thing Brian had ever witnessed, so he would never pass up the opportunity to watch.

They had been in Daytona for three nights taking part in a Spring Break concert series for MTV. Daytona was full of college co-eds and sexed up high school seniors having their final hoorah before adulthood and of course a slew of celebrities to keep them all entertained. Hotels all along the waterfront had been holding beach parties every night to capitalize on all the kids that had bum rushed the beaches. The Backstreet Boys were being put up by MTV at a ritzy resort called the Plaza Ocean Front that, because of the number of young celebrities staying there, had made their parties more exclusive and for hotel patrons only. It gave the regular people staying at the hotel the opportunity to brush elbows with famous types and the celebs a chance to meet some normal people for a change.

Brian was a little jealous of his young friend if only because he was old enough (and attractive enough) to pick up the college girls and young enough to pick up the high school girls and not get in trouble for it. It had resulted in Nick picking up double the number of girls that any of the other Boys had been able to since they’d been there. He didn’t really have to do anything and the girls were hanging all over him. Being more attractive than average and the most popular member of their group did have something to do with his luck though.

Something had changed the night before though and Brian couldn’t quite put his finger on it. Nick had been reluctant to go to the beach party, wanting to stay in and play video games instead of being mauled by pretty girls for once. They’d managed to convince him to go and by the end of the night they couldn’t get him to leave. Now, less than 24 hours since he had complained about going down, it was Nick that was pressuring them to hurry up and get ready so they wouldn’t miss the start. He could only assume it had something to do with a girl. Little else was able to motivate Nick to move with any kind of haste.

“Does it look really bad?” the younger blonde asked self consciously, “I thought if I dressed up too much it would look silly since it’s a beach party and all.”

Brian laughed and shook his head at the teen, “This,” he motioned to his friend, “What you’re doing right now, this is silly. Are we ready to go or not?”

Nick nodded taking one final look in the mirror. He fixed his hair again; making sure it was properly parted in the middle for his trademark ‘curtain’ cut, a style that drove him nuts but drove all the girls wild. At least, it did for the usual girls. There was one girl in particular that he was pretty certain wouldn’t be impressed by his hair, or his dimples, or how many other girls wanted him. He had seen her briefly their first night in Daytona and although he had distracted himself with other girls, he really just wanted to spend some time with one in particular.

There was just something about her that Nick was drawn to that went beyond her looks. It had been her pretty face and perfect body that had first caught his eye but as he watched her interact with her friends through the evening he couldn’t help but wish it was him she was talking to. His plan for that evening was to find out her name. He wasn’t even sure if she was aware of his existence but he had made himself a promise that he would talk to her.

The other guys were already mingling with hotel guests when Brian and Nick walked through the doors out to the beach. Heads turned as they made their way through the crowd, and Nick could hear people whispering his name. He wished more than anything that this party was in Europe so that he could at least have a drink but being 18, in a place crawling with fans, it was impossible to even sneak alcohol. He scoped the place out for a few minutes before finally seeing her. She was sitting by herself on a piece of driftwood next to the bonfire. She was wearing a long peasant skirt and a conservative bikini top, hardly as skimpy as most of the girls around the party were wearing but he didn’t think she needed to try very hard to look sexy. He noticed immediately the Hawaiian hibiscus flowers on her skirt and new immediately what the ice breaker would be.

He walked over to the bonfire nonchalantly, stopping next to the log she was sitting on to stare into the flames as if he hadn’t noticed her there. He was quiet for a few moments before finally breaking the silence.

“We match,” he said and she looked up in surprise, her brown eyes wide once she realized who had stopped to talk to her. Nick noticed her nervous expression and motioned between his button up shirt and her skirt, “We must shop at the same places.”

“I doubt that,” she laughed, turning back to look at the fire. His immediate thought was how cute her laugh was.

“Do you mind if I sit?” he wondered, not waiting for a response before sitting down near her on the log.

“It’s a free country,” she said nonchalantly, trying to hide the smile that was creeping onto her face.

Nick noticed the twitch at the corner of her mouth and grinned, moving a bit closer, “If only we had some marshmallows.”

“I love marshmallows!” she exclaimed excitedly, laughing at herself for overreacting, “Sorry it’s just I was saying the same thing to someone else before. To be honest these parties have been kind of lame.”

“I know,” Nick agreed, “Can’t get drunk because I’m too young, there’s nothing but over the top fancy hors d’oeuvres when all I could really go for is some hot dogs and s’mores.”

She smiled, turning slightly towards him so he could see her better. Her brown hair was hanging loose around her shoulders and she tugged on the ends slightly, a nervous habit, “I guess maybe you should consider staying at the Holiday Inn next time. It sounds like it might be more your style.”

“Nah,” Nick waved her off, “If it were up to me I’d be on a boat sleeping out on the ocean, under the stars. I love sleeping outside. There’s just something about being able to look up and see the constellations...”

“I can name all the constellations,” she told him and Nick’s eyebrows rose with curious interest. She blushed and hid behind her hair slightly, “I took an astronomy course last semester. It was an elective. Do they offer that kind of stuff at your school?”

This time it was Nick’s turn to blush, “I don’t go to school. I was being tutored but it was so hard to keep up with all of it since I’m pretty busy so I didn’t bother taking the final tests.”

“You should take them,” she encouraged him; “You never know what might happen down the road. Plus, how will you ever encourage your future children to finish their education when you didn’t finish yours?”

Nick let out a sputtered laugh, hoping he wasn’t offending her, “I’m not going to have kids. Not any time soon anyway! You’re right though, I should probably graduate. I wonder if I can take a course like astronomy or maybe something to do with the ocean.”

“You really love the water, don’t you?” she observed, watching his attention get drawn out towards the waves that were rushing over the beach, “This week was the first time I’d ever seen it. I’ve never been out on a boat or anything.”

His eyes went wide and he looked at her in mock surprise, “You haven’t?! Well I’ll have to fix that. Someday you’ll have to come out on my boat! Where are you from that you’ve never seen the ocean before?”

She rolled her eyes, “Yeah right, I probably won’t even see you again after tonight because I’m going back to Ohio in a few days. I don’t even know your name.”

He was fairly certain that she knew perfectly well who he was, and what his name was, but he was enjoying the act she was putting on. It made him feel normal to not be recognized which was a rarity, even if it was false. After all, if she didn’t know who he was she should have questioned why he didn’t go to school like other teenagers.

“It’s Nick,” he told her, reaching his hand out to shake hers, “Nick Carter. What’s yours?”

“Tina,” she smiled, letting him take her small hand in his larger one, “Tina Mulligan.”

March 22, 1998 Daytona, Florida

Nick had never had such an easy time talking to girls about his personal life. Normally he kept his conversations strictly to flirting; he didn’t like to get into details about his life with people he hardly knew. It had never become an issue though because the girls generally never asked. Tina was different though; she wanted to know about him. She was looking on with a keen interest, leaning her chin in her hand with eyes full of curiosity.

For hours they’d talked about anything and everything. She asked about his family, and his relationship with his siblings; something she found interesting considering that she was an only child herself. He told her about his strained relationship with his mother, how she had pushed him into show business at an early age because both she and Nick’s father lacked the potential to earn enough money to support their family. How he not only paid all the household expenses but also kept his father employed, giving him a paycheque every two weeks for driving his bus. Tina wanted to know all about the music business but seemed to have very little interest in the fame aspect of it all. It was unusual for Nick to have a girl asking him about how songs are recorded and what a day on tour is like rather than how many celebrities he’d met or what parties he’d been to.

 He felt like he’d talking about himself for the longest time before finally turning the tables on her. He learned that she was a straight A student and on the Varsity cheerleading squad (though not a Captain as much as she’d like to be) at Eleanor Gerson High School; a non-religious private girl’s school. In Nick’s mind private school for girls meant only one thing; this girl was a virgin and probably a horny one. He stored that in the back of his mind as she continued to talk about school. She had been accepted to Ohio State University and although she seemed most keen to be a cheerleader for the famous Buckeyes she had intentions to major in social work. She wanted to help people and felt that being a social worker would give her an opportunity to make a difference in people’s lives. She compared it to how Nick’s music was important to so many people; she just wanted to be as important to someone else.

They both moved to sit in the sand, leaning back against the log to get more comfortable and Nick used the shift as an opportunity to move a bit closer. His knee brushed against hers and even though there was fabric between them he was sure he felt a jolt of electricity.

“Nicky!” their moment was destroyed by AJ suddenly bounding onto the log, “C’mon, I got some honeys and we’re gonna go back to the room and party.”

The older boy suddenly realized that they were not alone and leaned around his friend to get a look at the girl sitting next to him. She was pretty but not as pretty as the girls he had lined up for them, they were hot.

“Sorry I didn’t realize you were with someone,” AJ apologized then opened up the black dress shirt he was wearing to reveal large bottles of alcohol, “but I just scored these from a hot bartender and we’re gonna drink up in the room if you’re interested.”

“My Dad’s in my room,” Nick tried as an excuse but his friend easily dismissed him. His father would likely be the first to pour a drink for the boys and try to hit on the girls they’d brought upstairs. Nick gave a look between AJ and Tina but the girl clearly was not the type to hang out and get drunk with a bunch of slutty Backstreet groupie. He turned back to his friend, “We’re good here I’ll see you later though.”

“I won’t wait up,” AJ winked at him over the top of a pair of sunglasses. He’d pulled them down his nose so he was actually able to see the two teens sitting in the dark. He pulled a smaller bottle from under his arm and tossed it to the blonde, “Here, I wasn’t gonna drink this anyway.”

Nick caught the bottle and made a face at the label, “Gin?” he asked but AJ was already walking away, a bikini clad babe hanging off each arm. There was a large blanket folded up on the end of the log and Nick grabbed it, wrapping the blanket around it so they wouldn’t get caught. The party was getting pretty rowdy and the area around the bonfire was now quite crowded with loud, drunk college students.

“Do you want to go somewhere else?” Tina asked, wanting to keep talking to him but not interested in continuing when the party seemed to be congregating around them.  

Nick raised his eyebrows, wondering what her intentions were, “Your room?” he asked curiously.

Tina shook her head, biting her lip, “We can’t go there, my friends are probably up there and we’re all sharing a room.”

Normally Nick would have made a joke about an orgy but he actually liked this girl so he kept his comments to himself for once. He took a quick look around then motioned to the blanket in his arms, “Why don’t we just head down the beach? That way we don’t have to deal with drunken idiots anymore and we won’t get interrupted.”

Tina agreed and they made their way across the sand, the party getting further and further out of view. They walked until the only thing illuminating them was the blue glow of the full moon. Nick shook out the king sized blanket and laid it down on the sand, picking up the bottle of gin that had fallen to the ground. He twisted off the cap and took a shot out of the bottle, grimacing as soon as it hit his tongue.

“Oh god,” he moaned, making a face at the label, “That’s terrible! It tastes like...”

Tina grabbed the bottle from his hands, feeling bold enough to take a swig, “Oh!” she griped, making a similarly disgusted expression, “the taste is like...”

“Pine Sol!” they both answered simultaneously, dissolving into fits of giggles as they fell onto the blanket.

“We’re so not drinking that,” Tina chuckled, tossing the bottle aside. Nick was laying on his back looking up at the sky and she lay down next to him, shoulder to shoulder.

Nick tried to keep his cool as he stretched out his arm, inviting Tina to move closer. She hesitated only briefly before shifting to her side, leaning her head on his bicep. She kept her hands to herself but Nick reached out and took her hand into his, resting it on his stomach. He slid his fingers between hers, rubbing his thumb up and down her index finger softly. Their conversation picked back up but he could feel that it was a bit more strained than before, as if they both wanted to bring up something else.

“Tina,” Nick whispered, turning his head to look at her. He could just make her out in the dim light but could feel her breath increase against his jaw. He made the first move, leaning in to press his lips against hers. The kiss was rather chaste, both of them getting used to the feel of each other’s lips.

Tina’s hand slid to his side and her leg moved between his, getting even closer as their kiss became more passionate. Simultaneously their mouths opened, tongues tentatively touching. Their conversation was officially over as Nick rolled onto her, settling his hips against hers. Tina moaned as his fingertips trailed over her stomach, stopping just below her breasts. She hooked her leg over his hip and he took it as encouragement, his palms moving to cup her breasts over her bikini top.

Everything was moving quickly and Nick was surprised that she hadn’t stopped things already, unless his suspicions were correct and she really was the horny virgin he had assumed she was. But, just as he moved to slide his hand under the top, wanting to feel her warm skin against his hand she stopped him.

“Wait,” she requested in a breathy tone, her fingers wrapping around his wrist, “I... I’ve never...”

He cupped her face in his hands, kissing her lips softly, “It’s okay,” he told her honestly, “If you’re not ready.”

“No,” she told him quickly, taking hold of the collar of his shirt, “I am. Could we just... slow down a bit?”

Nick nodded and took hold of her hands, moving them both until they were kneeling on the blanket facing one another. Slowly Nick undid the buttons on his shirt, sliding it off his shoulders, the moonlight casting a glow on his skin. He tossed the shirt to the side and wordlessly passed the next move to her. It took a few moments but after taking a deep breath Tina moved her hands behind her, deftly unhooking her bathing suit top. She let the straps fall while still holding it over her chest with her arms, looking into Nick’s eyes. She felt a sense of calm as he looked at her, and she knew that she was safe. It was the safety as well as the faint light that gave her the strength to lower her arms, dropping the bikini next to the blanket. The ball back in his court he untied the string at the top of his board shorts, taking a quick look around to make sure they were absolutely alone before sliding them down his legs. He shimmed them out from behind him and they joined his Hawaiian shirt in the sand.

Not being very modest he wasn’t uncomfortable with the fact that Tina was clearly looking him over. Normally he would have made a comment about his erection by now but she didn’t seem like the type of girl to find that kind of thing funny and he didn’t want to do anything to ruin the moment.

“You’re staring,” he commented softly, a smile on his face.

“Sorry,” she blushed, “I’ve never seen... it’s just... different than I had imagined.”

He raised an eyebrow, “Smaller?”

“Bigger,” she squeaked and he couldn’t help but smile. She brought her eyes back to his and he watched her slide her skirt and bikini bottoms down before reaching for him.

Nick wrapped his arms around her, pressing their bodies together as his hands trailed over her skin. She relaxed slightly as her breasts met his chest and he kissed her deeply. Using the distraction of the kiss Nick slid his hand between her legs, the heel of his hand rubbing against her, getting her adjusted to the sensation before sliding his middle finger inside her. Tina gasped against his lips, her hands wound tightly in his hair. It wasn’t long before Tina was moving against his hand and moaning into his mouth. He held onto her tightly as her body started to shake, experiencing what he was certain was her first ever orgasm.

He laid her down on the blanket carefully, letting her recover while trailing his lips over her body. He kissed as much of her as he could reach from her legs back up to her lips before pushing her knees apart to settle himself against her, amazed at how well they fit together. Her fingernails trailed lightly over his back and he smiled, dropping a kiss under each eye before touching his lips to hers.

He brought his mouth to her ear, “Close your eyes and take a deep breath,” he whispered, positioning his erection against her. She did as he asked, inhaling deeply, “now exhale,” he instructed seconds before they became one.

~*~

Nick blinked against the light shining in his face, taking a deep breath of sea air. The realization that he was outside suddenly hit him and Nick bolted up. He looked around at the empty beach, the sun just starting to burst over the horizon, a clear indication that it was quite early in the morning. Looking down next to him he saw Tina wrapped up in the blanket with him and he smiled, reaching down to brush back her hair. They’d had an amazing night, to say the least. After the first time Nick let Tina take control and they had continued to make love until the early hours when they’d collapsed out of exhaustion and fell asleep on the beach. He watched her eyes blink open slowly, a smile drawing across her face as she spotted him. Once she realized where they were and the time of day though she too sat up in surprise.

“Is it morning?” she asked, her arms covering her bare chest as she looked around the beach nervously.

He nodded, “it’s still early though. I don’t imagine anyone is out. We should head back to the hotel.”

“My friends are probably wondering where I am,” Tina said, reaching behind her for her clothes.

“Mine too,” he agreed and they both quickly pulled their clothes back on until they were standing next to each other looking exactly how they had the night before. Nick grasped her shoulders and leaned down, kissing her lips, “I had a great time last night.”

“Me too,” Tina smiled though he could see sadness in her eyes.

“What’s the matter?” he asked.

Tina wrapped her arms around him, hugging him tightly, “It just sucks that I’m never going to see you again. I guess that’s the whole point of spring break though, huh?”

“I don’t want us to never see each other again,” Nick admitted though he knew it was likely that this was the last time he would ever lay eyes on her, “Could I email you sometime? Then... maybe if my tour ever comes through Ohio you could come to a show or we could hang out?”

“I’d really like that,” Tina admitted, staring up into his eyes with a smile, “I’d like that a lot.”

He kissed her one last time, the feel of her lips lingering against his own. He wanted to be able to remember this moment because he was pretty sure it was the first time he’d ever been in love. He never wanted to let her go, he never wanted to stop kissing her, he wanted to see her every day for the rest of his life and he’d never felt that way about anyone before. People would probably tell him it was just a fling but he knew for sure that getting Tina Mulligan out of his heart, out of his mind, was going to take a very long time.  

July 11, 2005 Los Angeles, California

Somehow along the way, a date that started out relatively simple had turned into the second most amazing night of Nick and Tina’s lives. The first, of course, being the night of they met. After quickly dropping their things off in the condo, they headed down the beach toward the Santa Monica pier. The lights from the large Ferris wheel and other businesses were shining brightly and lighting up the sky as they headed toward the pier, making small talk. Once they arrived, they found it was bustling with people, both locals and tourists, but everyone seemed to be in good spirits. Lots of happy couples and teenagers enjoying the evening playing games, riding rides and generally enjoying themselves.  Nick filled Tina about some of his favorite things to do there, one of which was the Playland Arcade.  Although Tina was not big on video games, she indulged Nick's childlike nature and they stopped in for a few old school arcade style games. She liked just watching him laugh and have fun since so much of the time they'd been together had been filled with stress and anger.

They left the arcade and began walking along the pier, Nick's hands stuck in his pockets, Tina's crossed over her chest, both of them itching to reach out for one another; mostly out of habit and partially out of the newness of being together, alone, almost like a real couple.

There was barely a discussion over where they should choose to go for dinner. As soon as Tina spied the red and blue sign with the dancing shrimp advertising a seafood restaurant she had gravitated in that direction and Nick went along quite willingly, having hoped that she would have been up for seafood. It was one of the few things that he knew they both loved. They took a table on the patio that stretched out of over the pacific ocean, it was a beautiful night and the atmosphere was amazing.  They ordered more food than they would ever be able to finish; mussels, clams, scallops, crab legs, lobster, and a large side order of garlic butter for all of them.  By the time they could see the patterns on the plates again were both absolutely stuffed and dreading the short walk back to the condo.

Tina had called to make sure the kids had gotten to bed alright as they were on their way to the pier, and it had prompted them to start sharing stories about them on the way back. While it wasn’t as easy to bridge the gap between the last three years by talking about themselves, they could easily fill some of the holes with anecdotes about their children. What started out as funny stories; Parker’s penchant for singing in the bathtub, and Zoey’s love of colouring on the walls, had turned into a serious discussion about how fast they’d gone from babies to little people looking to them for guidance. The memories caused both parents be hit with a wave of nostalgia of not only what had been, but what could have been. Nick started thinking about his own mistakes when it came to the kids, especially Zoey. He couldn't believe that there was a time when he didn't want another baby, when he actually suggested that Tina put an end to her pregnancy. He couldn't imagine not having Zoey now so he didn't know why he had been so flippant about it when he found out Tina was expecting. Then, to add insult to injury, the fact that it had taken him four days to build up the nerve to hold his own daughter after her birth all the while ignoring his son. Neither of them had ever done anything wrong and he had acted like a selfish prick. Suddenly Nick stopped dead in his tracks, a few feet away from the walk up to the patio door of the condo. The sand was cold underneath his bare feet but he couldn't move. He had spent a lot of time reflecting over the last three years but a lot of it had been justifying his actions to himself. Now though, as if someone suddenly slapped him with clarity, he realized how wrong he'd been.

"Nick?" Tina asked, realizing that he wasn't following her any longer. She turned, barely able to see him in the dim light. The night was very different from the last time they'd walked along the beach, the night they'd met, it was overcast and the moon was hidden well behind a blanket of clouds. He seemed paralyzed, and she could see his chest heaving up and down with every breath, "are you okay?" she asked in a concerned tone, wondering if maybe he'd stepped on something and was hurt. When she reached him she could see tears quickly trailing down his cheeks, his eyes focused down towards the sand. She could see that he was biting the inside of his cheek, a habit of his when he was trying to hold back any kind of emotion whether it be anger, anxiousness or sadness.

Suddenly he looked up into her eyes, "I am so sorry," he whispered, his voice raw, "I wouldn't blame you if you said you couldn't be with me. I can't believe how self centered I've been."

Tina frowned, "Where is this coming from?"

"I don't know," Nick admitted, his hands running through his hair anxiously. He willed himself to move, pushing past Tina towards the condo, running up the steps with her on his heels, "I don't know," he repeated as soon as he reached the door, away from the prying eyes and ears of the neighbours, "it just hit me all of a sudden that I was acting like a spoiled brat and blaming all of my issues on you. Our kids are going to end up in therapy because of me, aren't they?"

Tina sighed and shook her head, "If they end up in therapy it'll be because of us," she corrected him, "I made my fair share of blunders. I've been quite selfish in the last three years--"

"Because I ruined you!" he exclaimed, moving into the house.

Tina followed him through the condo and out the french doors in the master bedroom to the rooftop patio. It was rectangular, one end flanked by a U shaped bench and a small outdoor fireplace, the other side empty save for their camping equipment (no doubt soon to house patio furniture and a barbeque). Nick walked to the end of the patio, taking a seat along the length of one bench, staring out at the beach and the pier still light up with light.

"Let's not ruin this evening, it's been so great," Tina sighed, moving to sit by his feet. She watched him carefully, his tears had stopped but the sad look on his face was still apparent, "Nick you're a good person, I know you are. I knew when I first met you that you were good inside, and I know you tried hard to stay good. I'm not saying you didn't make mistakes because you did, but I'm ready to move on. I can't keep holding this grudge, it's weighing down on me so heavy. I'm so happy to see that you've really come into your own, and part of me thinks that the last three years have actually been really good for you."

"Good for me?" he asked with a spiteful laugh, "do you know what I've gone through the past three years?"

"I don't," she shook her head, "I want to though, I do."

Silence fell over the two of them, Nick still mentally picking apart every mistake he'd ever made and Tina trying to figure out what had changed between leaving the restaurant and now. She could only assume it had to do with talking about Parker and Zoey, but wished she knew exactly what had triggered his revelation.

"I have an idea," she spoke suddenly, patting his bare knee quickly. She ran back into the condo quickly, grabbing paper and crayons from her purse (she was always armed with art supplies in case of emergency) before making her way back to him.

"What's this for?" he wondered, taking a purple crayon out of her hand.

Nick immediately started drawing circles on the page she handed him and Tina smiled. She had never seen him do that before but Parker always did the same thing, as soon as he had a pencil or a crayon he would doodle circles on the page.

"Make a list of demands," she instructed him, "we've had this back and forth fight over whether or not we should be together. You think we're meant to be together and I want you to be right. Write down exactly what you want from me and I'll do the same for you. If there's anything on these lists that we absolutely can't agree on then maybe we're not but if we can agree on everything, like adults, then clearly there's no reason why we shouldn't be together regardless of what is in our past."

The look on his face made it clear that he thought she was nuts. He couldn't help but think how odd it would be to balance their entire future on whether or not they agreed to a list of demands thought up on a whim. Reluctantly he put the piece of paper down on his leg, thinking of what it was that he would absolutely need before they could happily coexist.

July 11, 2005 Los Angeles, California

When they’d first started the exercise Nick thought it was pretty asinine, but now that he’d been thinking about his list he was beginning to think it was pretty valuable. There had been a large wedge in their relationship that had been all the things that had gone unsaid. If they were upfront with each other, and put all their cards on the table they would know for sure whether or not it was worth going forward. If he couldn’t agree to her list, and she to his then there really was no point because they would only end up repeating the same mistakes and following down the same path they’d started on. He watched her writing for a moment and it seemed as though her list was getting pretty long while his barely had two things on it. He could only imagine what she was writing down and he silently wondered if she was going to make impossible requests as a way of getting out of being with him. He focused back on his own list pulling his legs underneath him to sit cross legged on the bench.

“Okay, I think I’m done,” Tina announced, putting her crayon down next to her.

Nick looked up wide eyed then back down to his piece of paper, “I’m done not yet.”

“Take your time,” she encouraged him, leaning back on her hands to watch as he worked on his list. Admittedly it hadn’t taken her long because she had been thinking about these things for a while. She had mentally been adding up all of the things that were wrong in their relationship before and knew that it would never last if there wasn’t some kind of compromise. It wasn’t until that night that she had actually considered writing them all down and sharing them with one another but if they were going to try again she figured they should start off with a certain amount of honesty. She couldn’t be with him if he was going to expect the same things from her as before which was that she be subservient and invisible.

“I need to ask something,” Nick said suddenly, putting his crayon down, “I need to know before we go through all of this.”

Tina raised an eyebrow curiously then encouraged him to go ahead. He took a deep breath and scratched his head just above his eyebrow, mussing up his hair quickly – a sure sign that he was nervous about whatever he was going to ask.

“Does your boyfriend know you’re here?” he asked, “am I going to do all this then have you tell me you’re in love with someone else?”

Tina sighed and put her elbow on the railing, leaning her head against her fist, “What boyfriend?”

“That guy,” he said dismissively with a shrug, “the one from your store. It seemed like you two had something and you didn’t deny it.”

She knew that it had gotten to him to see her with another guy. It had made her both giddy and sad. She liked that he desired her enough to be jealous but deep down she remembered how anger fueled his jealousy could become and it made her afraid that he had never changed at all. She needed to be able to work, or interact, with other men without him assuming that she was cheating on him.

"He's just a guy from work," Tina clarified, "We went on a couple of dates but that's all. I didn't need to call him because I don't have any sort of commitment to him. He's not my boyfriend, okay?"

Nick nodded and glanced down at his list, about to continue but the question at the tip of his tongue was begging to get out, "When you say you went on a couple of dates, what does that mean?"

Tina laughed and shook her head at him, running her hand through her ponytail, habitually tugging at the ends, "I knew you were going to go there. It means we went on a couple of dates. We had dinner, went to a movie or two. I'm not going to interrogate you about all the girls you went on dates with in the last three years, I saw enough in the tabloids to know that I'm not interested in the details. I just hope you got all the porn stars out of your system."

"She was a Playboy bunny not a porn star," Nick said quickly, knowing exactly which tabloid article Tina was likely referencing, "and I'm just curious. We're supposed to be open and honest with each other right? Well... I need to put my mind at ease. I just want to know how serious is a couple of dates?"

She couldn't believe he was going there, but he had been right about being honest so she figured he deserved an answer, "Not serious," she told him truthfully, "I know what you're getting at and it's not fair. You practically had a harem following you around ready to do your every whim and the only thing that will put your mind at ease is knowing that I didn't sleep with him? I didn't sleep with him, or anyone, in the last three years. You win; pat yourself on your macho back."

He could have argued that he wasn't trying to be macho and come up with some lame excuse as to why he was curious but he couldn't think on his feet that well. Instead he looked her in the eye and reached him, patting himself on the back to the best of his ability. His joke could have gone either way but he was relieved when Tina's face broke into a smile and she laughed at his ridiculousness. 

"Five year olds share better than you," she teased, scooting over on the bench so she was closer to him, their knees touching. 

He smiled and nudged her, "I know. I can't help it. I'm trying though, I mean, I didn't beat him up before I knew what happened. That's a step in the right direction," she agreed with a nod and he glanced down to his page again, deciding then that there was nothing more that he could possibly ask of her so long as she put up with his idiosyncrasies, "I'm ready."

It became clear that neither of them knew where to begin or which one of them should start the conversation as a silence fell over them. It wasn't as if there was a protocol for that kind of thing and Tina wasn't sure if she wanted feedback after each point she'd written down on her page or whether she wanted him to hear her out first. 

Deciding that she would be the first to slaughter she cleared her throat and looked down at her crayon riddled paper, "Okay... I know this is probably going to be awkward at points and I do want your feedback. We need to be able to talk through things maturely and see each other's points of view so tell me if something is bugging you. The first thing I'm going to need from you is for you to agree to see someone. I think that a lot of your anger issues can be worked on and I would be willing to go with you."

He resisted the urge to scoff but saw her point. A lot of their problems had come down to fighting so if going to some shrink and talking about it with a mediator was going to help then he couldn't argue with that. He nodded and encouraged her to continue, not having much to say beyond agreement. 

"The next thing is that if our relationship is going to be open and honest as far as sharing our feelings it needs to be the same way in all regard. If we're going to be together then we need to be one unit, and I think that includes financially. I'm working, making my own money and I'd like to see it in a joint bank account. I'm done begging you for money. I'm not a threat to your nest egg, I'm not going to start buying Ferraris, and you know that."

"Save your money," Nick waved her off, "It's yours. I didn't realize at the time that I was being such a jerk with money. I told you before, I liked feeling needed. At the same time I didn't really grasp how much money I really had, I was just a kid. Now I know that I'm set for the rest of my life. You could go and buy a Ferrari and I would still have more money than I could spend, that's just how it is. I'm ready and willing to share it now."

Tina couldn't believe how well this was going. She had fully expected him to argue with her, to give her a bunch of bullshit reasons why he couldn't agree but he was even acknowledging his past faults. The support made her feel a little bolder and she mentally added a final item to the list, hoping for the best. 

"We need to start working together too so no more surprises. We plan things together and if you want to throw parties or go to football games, or whatever I need to be consulted, we need to be a team," he nodded in agreement again and she smiled slightly, "the next ones kind of go together... I want us to go on vacation every year, just me and you. And in the summer when you're on tour I want us to go with you. Being apart was a huge problem for us, and I want the kids to be able to say that they saw the world - not that their dad has seen it."

Nick had been infamous in not wanting the kids to grow up on the road but he could see how a little summer vacation while he was touring would be both education and fun for them. It would be hectic and a lot of work but if it was what Tina needed to be with him again then it was worth agreeing to, "Is that all?" he asked jokingly, waving his own list around. He went to start his own speech when she interrupted him. 

"No," she said with a shake of her head. There was nothing left on her written list but there was something else she wanted, "I have one more thing. I know we haven't really talked about anything like this but... before I'm 30 I'd like to have another baby."

Nick laughed, thinking she was joking but her face stayed serious, "You're not kidding?" he asked and she shook her head, "wow, I definitely didn't see that coming. You want to have another baby?" 

"I'm not saying I want it to happen tomorrow but yes."

"Thirty is only five years away!" he said, still taking it all in. He thought long and hard for a moment, biting at the skin on the outside of his thumb as he thought. He wasn't sure if he wanted more than the kids they had, he kind of enjoyed the dynamic of having 'one of each'. His mind immediately went to how challenging it would be if they ever broke up again, how much more difficult it would be to tour with another baby. When he considered it though, the request wasn't really a deal breaker. He had agreed to a lot already that was outside his usual comfort zone, what was one more thing? "okay," Nick agreed, dropping his hand away from his mouth, silently wondering if she had asked that hoping he would disagree but when Tina smiled he knew it was a legitimate request. 

"Your turn," she encouraged and he took a look at his list. She hadn't really asked for much in the grand scheme of things but they were significant changes compared to how their relationship had gone in the past.

"Mine is shorter than yours," he stammered, scratching his head nervously, "Uh, I guess this kind of goes back to what you were saying about money. I know you're doing your own thing right now but I don't want you to work. I want you to stay at home with the kids. I'm more than happy to share my money. Your real job is being a Mommy."

Tina chuckled, knowing deep down that he was going to ask that. She was a little bit offended that he wanted her sitting at home baking pies and doing laundry but she couldn't help but be somewhat flattered. Women fought so hard for work equality but she knew a lot of women that would kill to be able to sit at home and watch soap operas and get paid for it. 

Taking her silence as an agreement he cleared his throat and continued, "It'll be easier once we have the other baby too," he added, "The next thing is I want you to go to school. You always talked about how you had these big plans for college and I think you should take a couple of courses. That'll keep you busy during the day when the kids are in school."

"Wow..." Tina said, not having expected him to have two things in a row that were essentially to her benefit. Who would she be to not agree? Unless, of course, he wanted to make it impossible for her not to agree, "I would love that."

"Great, so I think that we should live here away from your parents," he quickly rambled, attempting to move on to the next item but Tina stopped him. 

"Live here?" she asked, "in a condo? Don't you think the kids would like a backyard to play in?"

"Who wouldn't want the beach as their backyard?" he asked rhetorically, motioning to the darkened sand, "I'll keep the place in Cleveland, we can have somewhere on the east coast if you want but I like this place and I want to stay here for a while... without your parents."

"I hope you realize how much my parents have done for us."

Nick nodded, "I also know how much damage your parents have done to us. It's time to move on."

Tina grunted and stared down at her hands for a moment before reluctantly nodding, "Fine, you're right. I guess in a way I'll be happy to be away from them for once."

"I only have one more thing..." he said dramatically, taking a deep breath, "This might be the most important thing on my list too. I don't know that we can be together without this."

Her brow furrowed in concern and she put a hand on his bare knee, just under his shorts, encouraging him to go on. 

"We need to have sex at least twice a week."

Immediately her hand dropped and she raised an eyebrow at the shit eating grin plastered on his face, "Are you kidding me? You put that on your list?" 

"I need to know if you agree," he said, trying to stay serious though his acting skills were somewhat lacking. 

Tina laughed and leaned forward to hug him, feeling his hands slide over her ribs, "Good thing I want another baby, huh? Otherwise we might be having one anyway with your swimmers."

"Yeah they're good little soldiers," he smiled, resting his cheek against her hair, "So... what does this mean?"

Tina pulled back, looking into his eyes. There were lines on his face that she'd never seen before, a sign that he had aged physically. Back when she had first met him she thought they would never grow up, that they would stay young forever but it was clear that things had changed. Both she and Nick were more mature and ready to share their lives, "I guess it means we're giving us another try."

"I was hoping you'd say that," he said, kissing her cheek quickly. He dropped his arms and signaled that he would be right back before rushing into the condo. He was back in mere moments and sat back down in his seat, reaching out to push a stray hair out of her face, "This might be too soon given that we just sorted this all out but you forgot something in Florida that I want you to have."

Tina looked down curiously at Nick's closed palm, gasping when he opened it to see her engagement ring. She figured he would have pawned it off, not that he would have kept it so close to him. 

"How about for now I wear it on this hand?" she asked, holding out her right hand, "and maybe in a few months you can move it to the other?" 

Nick's smile could have lit up the whole beach and he slid the glittering diamond onto her right ring finger before pulling her back into a hug, a huge breath of relief leaving his mouth as soon as he realized that this was all real; he was finally getting her back, and getting his family back. 

February 2, 2011 Tokyo, Japan

It hadn’t been a good flight. Though, I had a hard time thinking of any flight to Japan I’d taken that I’d actually enjoyed. There was usually a sick child involved, but always someone restless, cranky, and bored. It seemed like a lot of work, getting through that long flight, but the end reward usually outweighed a few hours of embarrassment and annoyance on my part.

It was an all too familiar feeling, getting off a plane in a strange country with a toddler perched on my hip, diaper bags, backpacks, and a purse hanging off all my arms. I never could have imagined that this would have become second nature but I had become a seasoned traveler, there wasn’t much that could throw me for a loop.

The airport was incredibly busy, with business people and tourists bustling around; heading towards security, the food court, and the baggage claim. It was a futurist setting with bright lights and modern architecture and it distracted me momentarily because it seemed like so much had changed since the last time I’d been here. Either that or I had just never really had time to look around in the past.

“Parker, please go grab a cart and bring it over to the baggage claim?” I asked and the boy rolled his eyes behind the shield of his Nintendo DS, reluctantly pressing pause.

“Where are they?” he asked and I pointed in the direction of the carts despite the fact that they were in plain sight, “how will I know which baggage thing it is?” he asked, making it very apparent that he had no interest in helping.

We had come to learn the hard way just how much disinterest a pre-teen could have. It didn’t take long for Parker to go from a loving, affectionate child to a disgruntled young man. He was at a point where he didn’t like very much of anything unless it was a direct benefit to him – twelve years old. Too young to act like a teenager, too old to act like a kid anymore. He was a bit of a ladies’ man, the fact that he was a spitting imagine of ol’ Dad did nothing to keep the girls at bay. He and Nick couldn’t be more different in personality though. They both shared a quick temper but Parker had stopped singing at a young age, and now hid his talents away to avoid being noticed. While Nick was a natural performer, always wanting to be the centre of attention, Parker shied away from it happy to stay on the outside by himself. They were traits that he had clearly inherited from me; I had never much been interested in getting attention.

My point strayed from the luggage carts to a man in a suit standing by one of the larger carousels, “That man was on our flight so that’s probably ours.”

“You want me to go stand with the strange man? Stranger danger, Mom,” Parker teased sarcastically and I rolled my eyes, watching his lanky form retreat from my view. We were anticipating that he was probably ready for a growth spurt because his arms and legs were getting ahead of the rest of his body. He already came up to the middle of Nick’s chest. The paediatrician suspected for years Parker would probably be taller than his father, something about genes skipping a generation, and it seemed to be turning out that way.

While Parker was on the same parallel as me personality wise, the true Nick clone in our family was Zoey. The only thing that kept her from truly becoming her father’s clone was the fact that she had been born a girl. I glanced to my left where she, too, had her face stuck in front of a Nintendo DS screen, her little tongue peeking out from between her lips. One of Nick’s beanies was stuck firmly on her head, the extra fabric making her skull seem a few inches longer. Pin straight blonde hair hung from below the grey knit and onto a Tampa Bay Buccaneers jacket, too puffy for her slight frame but necessary because of the cold. It was normally the coat she wore to visit her Grandparents in Ohio.

I had been pretty convinced when Zoey was a baby that she was going to turn out to look more like me but, of course, it was my luck that those Carter genes seemed to be a bit more dominant than mine. Zoey had inherited ocean blue eyes, perfectly arched eyebrows, a strong nose, and soft jaw; features that people always said made her look like a female version of her father. She was a beautiful girl; I dreaded the day that she dropped the tom boy act and started noticing that there were boys on the playground that wanted her for more than just a football partner. I would be more than happy to keep her ten years old for a little while longer.

“Do you need me to hold anything, Mom?” Zoey asked thoughtfully. She closed up her game system and stuck it in her pocket, looking up at me curiously.

I knew what she wanted and I smiled. Zoey tried very hard to make everyone believe that she was a tough girl that could take on any boy and beat them at their own game, but her biggest weakness was her baby brother.  

Considering how easy it had been to get pregnant with the first two I really didn’t think it would have taken very long to get pregnant again. I had given myself my five year window and figured that it would maybe have taken a year or two before we were welcoming a new addition. The reality was quite the opposite though, and it had been early in the morning on my 30th birthday – October 30, 2009 – that Grant finally decided to grace us with his presence. Nick had been busy with meetings and recording for his solo album and for the joint Backstreet/NKOTB tour but he had ensured that anything he did would happen in Los Angeles so he could be close. He went from missing out on the first two births to being intimately involved. After his insistence we’d used a midwife and had a home birth. He was there with me the whole time, in the thick of it, and ultimately the one who caught the baby, cut the cord, and swaddled him. He was the first person (apart from the midwife) to lay eyes on Grant, the first person to hold him, and count all his fingers and toes. He was covered in blood, and who knows what else but the look on his face was indescribably happy. Nick had already matured a lot since I met him but that night he really grew up. Enough about him though.

Zoey hated everything girly except babies. She was always wanting to hold Grant, push him in his stroller (which Parker was presently pulling off the baggage carousel), and carry him around despite his weight. He was now fifteen months old and over twenty pounds, babbling nonsensical sentences and walking on unsteady legs; not the easiest to carry around anymore.

“Okay,” I relented, balancing all the bags in my arms as I handed Grant over to Zoey’s waiting arms, “If he gets too heavy or if he wants to get down then put him down but hold onto his hand really tight.”

“Got it,” she smiled and her back arched as she adjusted the extra weight.

I let out a sigh of relief to have my arms free for a moment and pretty soon Parker was pushing an overflowing cart full of suitcases in our direction. I was barely able to see the top of his blonde head as he put everything he had into moving the heavy bags.

“Where’s Dad?” he asked, completely out of breath, a slight sheen of sweat visible on his forehead. He was an active boy, in good shape, but it took a lot of suitcases to transport all of us from one side of the world to the other.

“I don’t know,” I said, my voice sounding a little more annoyed than I had intended. I had done a quick glance around the arrivals area and didn’t see Nick anywhere. It reminded me of the first time I’d brought Parker to Japan and Nick had forgotten about us. He was a different person now but I could easily see him getting caught up in the excitement of releasing I’m Taking Off, his first solo venture in eight years. I tossed the bags in my arms onto the top of the cart and took over the pushing duties, heading in the direction of the taxi stand in a fog of déjà vous. We had been going through a bit of a rough patch as of late, and I had a sick feeling in my stomach thinking that Nick was reverting back to old habits. Things had gotten tough with Nick throwing himself into his solo record, NKOTBSB, and finishing up the This Is Us tour. It had taken a toll on our relationship and I had been looking forward to this trip to Japan as an opportunity to bandage the wounds, like we’d learned to do during couples counselling.

We were almost out the door when I heard someone start yelling my name. I thought for a quick second that I was imagining things and it was just a similar sounding Japanese word but Zoey let out an excited yell and I looked over to see Nick jogging through the terminal towards us.

Part of us being able to work on our relationship had been working on ourselves both mentally and physically. My efforts could be noticed a little more from the emotional side; I was a stronger person than when we’d first met. I knew how to stand on my own two feet but at the same time knew how to let Nick lead me when I needed to. Nick took the prize for physical changes. Fitness and health had become a huge part of his life and it was the best thing that had ever happened to him. He realized that he was going down a bad road and made the changes he needed to before something bad happened to him. Being in better shape had definitely made him more desirable to women but his reincarnation as a mature adult had also included the ability to say no and walk away and he hadn’t strayed since we got back together.

He was dressed in a slim fitting motorcycle jacket with a purple scarf wrapped around his neck, slim cut jeans and a pair of combat boots; an outfit that had practically become the staple of his new physique. A pair of aviator sunglasses covered his eyes and he was wearing a warm black beanie on his head almost identical to Zoey’s, likely in the hopes of not being recognized by the rabid Japanese fans.

“Hey guys!” Nick said with a cheeky grin once he’d caught up with us, “were you leaving without me?”

“I figured you’d forgotten about us,” I said honestly. His smile immediately fell and I felt guilty for being cranky.

“I’ve been here for a while, I didn’t see you anywhere,” he said defensively, putting the smile back on his face for the sake of the kids. He leaned down and scooped Grant out of Zoey’s arms, tossing him up in the air playfully while he giggled happily.

“Say hi to your Dad,” I encouraged Parker and Zoey and while the girl threw herself against her father for a hug Parker merely muttered a hello and looked around anxiously.

“Are we cramping your style?” Nick teased, reaching out to punch the older boy’s shoulder jokingly. Once he had given both Grant and Zoey a quick hug and kiss he turned to me, his eyes apologetic, “I missed you.”

“Did you?” I asked, just wanting to be at the hotel and napping instead of lingering around the airport.

“I did,” he said with a nod and I couldn’t help but believe him.

~*~

The hotel had one of those amazing Jacuzzi tubs so I had taken an extra long bath after Zoey and Grant had gone to bed and Parker was watching television. I was sitting on the king sized bed on the most comfortable down comforter I’d ever touched outside of the one in my own bedroom, putting lotion on my tired skin. As I drew my hands easily over my shin the light from the bedside table made the diamond of my engagement ring shimmer and I paused. I remembered the moment that Nick had moved the ring from my right hand back to the left like it was yesterday.

It had been about a year after we got back together that we’d finally decided it was time to get married. Nick was just wrapping up the Never Gone tour, talking about heading back into the studio but mostly looking forward to a bit of time off. We’d capitalized on the free time and had a very small ceremony on the beach near the condo. It had been simple enough to satisfy him but traditional enough to make me happy – a compromise.

“Parker went to his room to play his DS,” Nick said as he walked into the room, closing the door behind him. He started pulling off his clothes and I watched him toss them haphazardly into a pile on the floor.

“I’m sorry,” I said as he crossed the room in just his boxer briefs, dropping his watch on his bedside table.

“For what?” he wondered, walking around to the side of the bed I was sitting on. He pulled the bottle of lotion out of my hand and grabbed my ankle, taking over the duty of warding off the dry skin typically brought on by winter.

“I didn’t say congratulations,” I admitted with a sigh as he rested my foot against his flat stomach, “I’m really proud of you. Your album is amazing, the kids love it, I love it, and I can’t wait to see how it sells this week.”

“Thank you,” he said modestly, tossing the bottle onto the bed. He smirked and I recognized the lust in his eyes. He still held onto my ankle with one hand while reaching down with the other to untie the white terry cloth robe that was covering me.

I used to feel uncomfortable under his gaze but now it was something I had just come to expect. Nick never had any issue with people looking at him so he didn’t understand that some people didn’t like being stared at, especially in the nude. I used the opportunity to free my arms from the robe and he dropped my leg, crawling into the bed to settle his hips against mine.

I wrapped my legs around his waist instinctively, my foot rubbing against the back of his thigh. He was still staring, this time into my eyes and I played with the ends of his hair; fresh from a haircut from whatever photo shoot he’d been at earlier in the day.

He inched closer, his lips brushing mine softly, tugging gently on my bottom lip, “I’m so glad you’re here,” he whispered with another kiss, “This album, everything that went into it, was all for you guys. I couldn’t have done it without you so I’m glad you’re here to share it with me.”

“We love you,” I told him honestly, sure to include myself in that group. His lips found mine again, his time with more passion than the last. Soon the only sound either of us could hear was our heavy breathing and I was reaching down to push off his boxers when the door suddenly burst open.

“DAD! Parker won’t leave me alone!” Zoey shouted as she burst into the room and Nick scrambled for the discarded robe, pulling as much of it as he could over me, using his body to cover the rest.

“You’re supposed to be sleeping!” he chastised her. He quickly instructed her to get back to her room and told her he would be along to solve their issue shortly.

I laughed as the door closed again and Nick let out a heavy sigh. The moment was lost but it wouldn’t take too much for us to get it back, it certainly wasn’t the first time we’d been interrupted mid-romance and it definitely wouldn’t be the last.

“Duty calls,” Nick said with a roll of his eyes. He stole the robe out from under me, wrapping it around himself as he headed into the main room of the suite.

I chuckled, crawling to the top of the bed to get under the covers just in case we had any more visitors. I could hear Nick yelling at Parker and Zoey to be quiet because Grant was sleeping and I couldn’t help but laugh. Only my husband would use yelling as a way to get the kids to quiet down. He is quite a character, they all are really, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. Really, after all we’ve been through, with so many forks in the road along the way, for all of us to be as happy as we are truly means we’re meant to be a family. No one else could possibly put up with us.

For some reason I thought of Max just then and the way she tried to warp her family into something that was more perfect than it could ever be and I was glad I never reconnected with her after we left Florida.

My family was perfectly imperfect, irrational and emotional at times, full of piss and vinegar but we were a happy family; a happy family of jetsetters, flying back and forth across the country and across the world to serve the every whim of a Backstreet Boy.