I am an ordinary man with dreams but, there is one problem I am known worldwide making me yearn for anonymity. What would you think if I told that I got the opportunity to do exactly that be normal in every way possible. Would you believe me? It cost me a fortune but at that moment I needed it… I Howard Dwaine Dorough got a chance to experience normal and I took it.

Let me start from the beginning though, this happened during a very stressing moment in my career…I felt like a robot not getting any chance to be me it was all about work work work, tours all over the place. I had just gotten a day off in the lovely city of Seattle and to my pleasure I went out shopping for some stuff when I bumped into the man I would trust my whole career too…. Marcos Flores.

I was shocked when I saw him; I actually thought it was me! Except his hair was short and he had a nice well groomed beard. I had just apologized to him and then had continued on with my walking in the mall with Jared my body guard close by. It wasn’t till I was almost mobbed by some fans that realized that I wanted a break a totally disappearance from this world I was in. “What I would pay for a normal day,” I had told my body guard as he escorted me away from the crowd that was screaming my name.

It was then that I saw that man again walking to his car and a smile spread on my face. “I think I may have found a solution,” I told Jared. “What?” he asked as he followed my gaze. Jared had agreed with me that that man look freakishly a lot like me.

First I had to swear Jared to secrecy so in case my plan worked, then it took a few minutes for my car to block this mans exit Jared walked up to the man and after what seemed like a long conversation he came with Jared. He climbed into the van with a curious look in his face; I introduced myself and shook his hand. “I’m Howie,” I told him with a confident smile.

“Marcos,” he told me shaking my hand, we drove to god knows where...Jared was driving while I laid out my plan to Marcos. I was basically asking him to take my job to become me for a while. “I will pay you extremely well and I will personally train you…”

“What about me and my job?” he asked me as I realized he was actually considering my offer. That’s when I explained that I would take over his life as well, “I will be Marcos Flores,” I told him. He looked at me in a funny way… “I don’t think you could Mr. Dorough,” I had to arch my brow at his comment, “why not,” I asked him.

“I am a father of two little girls and a job at a warehouse that allows me to live on a day by day basis. You are used to the lifestyle of the rich and famous.” He was right I really never worked a normal job but I yearned for the chance. “Two daughters you say?” I asked him.

“Yes twins Isabella and Graciela my babies. I am there father and mother since my wife passed away during there birth. My mother helps me with them,” I listened to this man and I realized that this offer was even a better one he needed money and I need a new life for a while at least. “I will learn everything I need to make them believe I am you just like you will do for me… it will only be for six months tops.” I was desperate for him to say yes to my offer. “I will make it worth your while and I will personally pay for your daughter’s college when they are old enough to go of course. Please think about you will get paid extremely well and think of all the traveling you will get to do. A rest from your hectic normal life.”

I saw him hesitate and then without another rebuttal he said yes. “I am doing this for my daughter’s and for six months the most,” he said as he looked down to his feet. I had a triumphant smile as I thanked him. I need you to ask for a few weeks off at your job, don’t worry I will pay you, tell your family whatever you want as an excuse. I will make sure you get the rest of the instructions delivered to you by Jared,” I pointed to my body guard. “One thing though Mr. Flores no one must know about this ever…”

********

So after we finished our U.S leg of the tour we got a well deserved few weeks off. I was anxious to continue with my plan so after agreeing with my fellow band member’s to meet back in LA in exactly a week I boarded a plane to Seattle to meet my new me. I made sure to hug my friends before I left because I knew it wouldn’t be me coming back in a few weeks but they would not know that because Marcos would be me and I was going to make sure he did a hell of a good job.

I was glad to see Marcos with his suitcase already in the suite I had rented under an alias. “I’m glad you did come,” I told him as I gave him a sincere smile.

I started by telling him my life story he needed to know as much as he could about me and I was happy that he was actually a great listener. He learned most of it and then it was my turn to listen to his life story and I have to say I was moved by this man. Maybe I was actually doing something good for someone.

The next thing was seeing how his voice sounded to my surprise he wasn’t that bad and everyday we practiced till I knew it would fine I did make him promise me he would continue to practice. Of course I would have Jared make sure of it.

The weeks felt short to me actually but I was proud with both our transformations. That fact that I hadn't shaved and my hair was shorter did feel a little weird but I had to look like Marcos. I had to also learn a lot more Spanish I was glad when Marcos told me that most of the time he did speak in English

I can say our transformation was incredible and I was proud. On the day of his departure as me I wished him luck and gave him his only bank account card he could use which I had transferred money to for him. I had also opened an account for me under his Name for my use even though I had made a promise not use it, that I would try to live like a normal hardworking middle class man. I thanked Jared again for his loyalty and with that he headed to LA and I headed to a suburb just outside the city of the Seattle. To see my two daughters and mother….

I sighed heavily as I opened the taxi cab in front of the small brick house. I could clearly see that this house was in a desperate need of repairs and then just as I finished paying the taxi cab I heard the scream of two little girls. “Papi,” I heard just before I was bombarded to the ground by both of them. It was a funny yet good feeling… I felt a little tug at my heart as they continued to tell me how much they had missed me. Finally after what seem like forever they both help me up, joking about how I was getting old.

I felt a little elated with this welcoming, I tried to remember Marcos words on how to distinguish the twins. I smiled and ruffled Isabella’s hair I knew that because she was the one with the lighter eyes like green and brown, while Graciela’s was browner. Aside from that small difference they were identical with long brown hair and beautiful smiles.
“Nana made your favorite for dinner,” Garciela said told me as she took my one suitcase away from me to help me.

I had to pause for a second would I be able to fool Mrs. Flores? I mean the little girls I knew I could but how about her? I sighed heavily as we made into the house the smell of homemade food hitting my nostrils. Then out of nowhere came a little Chihuahua jumping to get my attention, “Stop it Chalupa,” Isabella commanded the little tan Chihuahua papi is tired. I remembered Marco telling me about Chalupa, “Hey buddy come here,” I took from Isabella’s arms and carried him in mine.

I heard someone clear there throat I froze as I assumed who it was, “Mama,” I said looking at a petite woman with the most expressional eyes I had ever seen. The smile she had on her face was one of consent like she was glad I had come back in one piece. “Mijo,” she told me as she walked up to me grabbing my face in her hand placing a soft kiss on my forehead. “You look sick and thin what did they have you doing in Michigan? Don’t worry you will be back to normality in no time I made your favorite chicken enchiladas in green salsa,” her eyes sparkled as she told me this.

Food sounded good at that point too even better when I knew it was homemade. “Now go and freshen up take a nap while I finish dinner you can tell us all about your trip at dinner time. “Niñas” go finish fixing your room. I was bewildered by everything as I watched my “daughters” listen to her strict yet sweet voice. Not once did they hesitate or rebuttal her command. Instantly I knew it was a good idea to ask how they had behaved in my absence. “They behaved like angels,” she told me pushing me toward my room.

I knew I wouldn’t have trouble finding my room since this house was a one bath two room house. I entered the room that looked like it hadn't been arranged since his wife had passed away. The room still had that woman touch to it, the picture frame beside the bed on the side table took my attention. It was a picture of Marcos with a woman with green eyes and the most beautiful smile. I knew instantly knew who she was, Rosario his wife. I felt a lump form in my throat, she was young. These kinds of things were the things that made me question god’s motives for our existence. The picture of my sister came to my mind; she also had left us too soon.

*******

“You’ll be fine just remember to wink a lot,” Jared told me as I walked into the room where the rest of group stood waiting for me or so I thought. It turned out that usually I was the early one.

“I can do this right and you will stay by my side right?” I asked him nervously clearing my throat.

He stared at me and gave me a reassuring smile, “You have nothing to worry about Marc- I mean Howie the only thing you have changed that will shock the guys is your hair since it didn’t grow much in those few weeks. Just breathe I’ll be here as much as possible I do have to protect you know. You are now a very famous person you know.”

“Do you think I got the singing part though I mean the closest I have come to singing is karaoke night at a bar,” I was nervous and regretting my decision to be someone else. I just had so many reasons why I shouldn’t do it but then I needed the money. Then there was the curiosity to see for myself what it was to be famous. I already missed my two babies so much. It was too late turn back though I knew that and I couldn’t say more soon we were joined by a short man with a southern accent. I heard Jared whisper Brian into my ear. “Brian hey how was your break?”

“He D good I spent it with the family you know, I am ready to sing my lungs out. So Nick, AJ and Kevin still not here?” He asked me with the silliest face I had seen. I remembered Howie warning me about him and Nick. They were pranksters, so I had to keep my guard up. I was about to answer when a tall man came in answering the question. “Nope I’ve been here for a while now but since you guys weren’t here yet I went for a drink,” he flashed his water to them.

I knew him I remembered Howie mention him a lot, “Kevin how are you man?” I asked. He looked at for an instant and then he gave me a face… “What happened to your hair? I thought you liked the long hair?” I smiled subtly trying to play it smooth. “I wanted a new change,” I said winking. I laughed when he told me that I should change the winking instead.

“Don’t worry I am here no need to cry,” a blonde tall man said running inside hugging Brian tightly. I knew exactly who he was the other prankster Nick. “D,” he said with an amused smile, “like the hair,” he told me. I was startled by the next voice I heard, “whose hair?” the raspy voice asked. I knew he had to be AJ I had seen the pictures but with the nervousness I had to really try hard to remember. “Mine,” I said giving him a smile.

The meeting was standard more about the business than the entertaining part. I was walking toward my room ready to call it a day and just try to practice on my vocals when I heard Nick call me. “Howie wait up lets go out tonight before we head overseas last night in LA.” I wanted to say no but the look on Jared’s face told me Howie never turned down a party. “Let me get dressed into something more appropriate.” I told him giving him a smile.

“Cool I’ll wait for you down in the lobby.” He told me leaving me standing in the hallway. I felt Jared’s hand on my shoulder, “You see they didn’t notice anything, you are Howie now,” he told me.

During dinner I learned that “my mother” was a superb cook. No wonder the enchiladas were Marcos favorite who wouldn’t like them? I learned that tomorrow I would be stuck with my sister in law since mother would be out doing her errands. I would also be going to church at noon, hmm church I can’t believe its been a long time since I have been to one. Not much time when you have events to attend as a Backstreet boy. I just hoped I did well and not mess up in anyway. I watched as my mother left the driveway in her Buick, she could definitely use a new car I thought as I watched disappear.

“Papi can we go play in the back? We finished painting our tree house… white.” I heard Graciela say. “Yes that’s fine but just for a while I told them both as I looked at my watch. I saw them run inside and out the back door; I was left with a small empty house to browse. I started in the living room taking my time looking at all the pictures on the wall. Most were of the girls and Marcos parents. The TV was something else no cable or DISH just whatever the old antenna could get. I turned the TV off after not finding anything to catch my interest. I was startled when in came “my daughters” run in and through themselves on my lap, “Papi we want ice cream,” they both chimed.

“Ice cream?” I said in a questionable tone. If I would have known then that chocolate ice made them go crazy I would’ve said no, but I was trying to be a good dad. We climbed into my car not a nice one by the way an 90 Oldsmobile cutlass with a desperate need of a paint job…well more like it needed to be put to rest. I had to admit at first I felt a little embarrassed imagine me being seen in this car? Then I realized I wasn’t me I was Marcos Flores and he drove this car because that was what he could afford. We found a grocery store and to my surprise they didn’t go crazy asking for all sorts of things. I actually felt sad when Isabella told me, “I know Papi just one thing… we need the money for more important things.” How could kids that age already know about the struggles in life? I realized that she was being sincere though and she was looking out for me her dad. “Soon,” told her as I swallowed hard… “I will surprise you both with the best present any kid could want,” I told giving them a mischievous smile.

We bought Blue Bell chocolate ice cream and ate as we watched the Little Mermaid the twin’s favorite. I really never had the time to see that movie I mean I am a man, but now that I had seen it wasn’t so bad. Finally I decided that it way past there bed time…it was ten thirty. “No papi we want to play hide and seek,” with that phrase they scrammed out of my sight and I knew I had no choice but to search for them. For a small house there were apparently many places for six year old twins to hide. I was exhausted and was about to loose my temper, I was suppose to have a normal life. At that moment it didn’t feel normal I was still up when I was supposed to be asleep.

Finally I gave up and screamed to them to come out. “I’m giving up,” I yelled, “you’re too good at this for dad’s own good.” I yawned as I finished and out the both came from there hiding places. “I’m too tired tonight, how about we go to bed?” I told them as they looked at me with disappointment. “Ok,” they both echoed as they followed me to my room. I was already lying on my bed when I realized they were standing in my room watching me oddly. “What?” I asked them sitting up. “We need your help brushing our teeth and getting out pajamas duh,” Gracie told me with a little attitude. I didn’t know that…now I knew. “Sorry toots dad is a little off today from the flight,” I lied as I got off my bed and followed them to the restroom where they showed me the nightly routine.

I woke up at the sound of a book hitting the floor, that’s when I realized I was still in the rocking chair inside the girl’s room. They were fast asleep each in there bed, last thing I had remembered was me reading to them. I yawned and stood up to go to my bed… I didn’t bother to change, I just crashed in and soon left the world of the living and joined the dream world…

****

I was in the middle of a good dream actually, when I felt some curl up beside me on each side. I shook awake and saw both my daughters smiling at me as they rested there head on each side of my arms. “Good morning,” they both said to me. “You never slept so much before Papi,” Gracie told me as she looked out the window. The sun was out and it was bright, “what time is it?” I asked. “Well,” Isabella said, “Not early daddy cause Aunt Flor is here and cooking for us.” I sat up at that announcement. “How did she get in?” I asked wiping the sleep out of my eyes. “Are you ok Papi? You are acting different? Aunt Flor has a key to the house. She told us not to wake you but we got worried. You never sleep so much,” Graciela said while Isabella agreed by nodding.

I hadn't been here a whole two days and I was already screwing up. I cleared my throat and gave them a smile, “I am not feeling well, I think I may be getting sick.” I told him finally getting off the bed and going for the suitcase that still stood unpacked on the floor. “Now go I’ll be out in a few minutes,” they did listen and left as soon as they were out I opened my suitcase looking for a smaller carry on bag with my cell phone among other things. I debated on calling Jared but it just didn’t seem right for me to be the first calling about my suspicion that “my daughters” knew something was up. I always thought Jared or Marcos would be the first to call. I put the phone back in bag and then I looked around my room to find a safe place to hide it.

Several minutes later I immerged showered and prepared to explain myself to Flor if I had to. “Buenos Dias,” She told me as she saw from the kitchen door. I smiled at her and then I spoke, “Buenos Dias,” the smell of food hit my nose and my stomach growled. I was about to thank her for coming when she interrupted me by gesturing me to go sit on the table where a plate of food already awaited for me. “Come on or we will be late for church,” she told me smiling. Mrs. Flores told me you were tired from the trip so I let it slip that my nieces weren’t fed and dressed in there Sunday best yet. She winked at me as she placed a glass of orange juice on the table. “Do you think I can take the girls out with me after church you know go put some flowers on Rosario’s…” she stopped talking and then changed her conversation, “I want to have a girls day out with them.”

I knew what she was avoiding and then it hit me; Marcos probably didn’t like Rosario to be mentioned around him. Yet I still couldn’t help myself and I asked, “Can I go with you all to see Rosario? Then you can take them out,” I saw the look of surprise on Flor’s face. “I know…” I told her. “I – you haven’t been there since she was…” she again couldn’t talk. “Well think it’s about time I do,” told her not looking at her instead concentrating on the food. I was doing a good thing right?

I haven’t partied much since my wife’s death but I wasn’t Marcos so I had to force myself to have or at least look like I was having fun. I didn’t drink for many reasons one because it made me mad it made want to die. I was an unhappy man what can I say I hated God but still every Sunday I was a church for my daughters sake but I did hate him he took my love away. But that night I had to force down a couple of beers because I was Howie not Marcos and I knew that if I didn’t Nick would know something was up. Nick that fella is something else he made me want to laugh. He has a big heart I felt it by the way he spoke he truly was a good friend. I felt better when Jared showed up to the club just for our safety he said, but I knew he was there for me too. He had to make sure I didn’t screw up. “I want to leave,” I told him after Nick had disappeared to get more drinks.

“I don’t handle alcohol to well,” I told him with a warning look. I saw that he understood and told me exactly what to say. So when Nick returned with a beer for me and something else for me I smiled and pretend to take a sip. “I have to Nick, Leigh just called me,” I winked at him. I saw the wide grin spread on his face, “so are you two serious or what?” he asked me. I shrugged my shoulders and put my finger on my mouth. “I can’t tell you yet,” I told him and stood up to go.

I left Nick in there with another body guard as I was escorted by Jared out of the club. I was startled by the sudden tug at my shirt, “Howie oh my god Howie can I get an autograph and a picture?” I heard the woman tell me as she smiled at me. “No picture,” I heard Jared say with a stern voice. I didn’t understand why but I did sign something for her and she was happy with that. She surprised me when she leaned in to hug me and then she kissed my cheek. That’s all it took for Jared to pull me away and to the car waiting for me.

We rode in silence to the hotel till I couldn’t handle it anymore and I had to ask. “So who is Leigh and why didn’t Howie mention her to me?” Jared smiled and then he spoke, “she is someone special to Howie and they go on dates once in a while but he keeps mum about her. I assume he didn’t tell you because he doesn’t want you to get involved in that part of his life. Leigh understands his lifestyle and doesn’t push there relationship to next level. Usually they go weeks or months without talking or seeing each other. They just email or talk to each other on the phone.” He looked at me with a smile. “Don’t worry she doesn’t pop in like normal girlfriends do, besides she works for us.” I swallowed hard and then spoke, “I don’t have to act like a boyfriend with her right? I don’t even know how she looks,” I said finally a little worried. “I will tell you when she comes around and don’t worry no one knows about her but he guys and the important people to Howie.”

I sighed and hoped he was right, why hadn't Howie said anything about her? “Is there anything else I should know?” I asked him. “No I think he told you everything else,” he told him reassuringly. I relaxed a little and then we had arrived to the hotel. I got into my suite and smiled the hotel was so fancy it felt odd to me. I was not used to this kind of fancy things. I wanted to practice my vocals but I couldn’t I was too tired and the beers were finally hitting me…

*******

I never knew I was afraid of flying till the morning in the airport. Jared tried to calm because according to him Howie never got nervous when flying. “Relax,” he whispered to me as we boarded the plane. I was startled when AJ was beside me staring at me with concern, “You ok D? You look like this is your first time on plane kind of ironic don’t you think since we fly all the time.” he patted my shoulder as he told me. I had to stare at Jared for help, “Howie wasn’t feeling well this morning when I went to get him, I think he may be getting sick,” Jared told AJ as AJ turned to look at him. “Oh hell stay away from me D, I can’t afford to get sick so early in the tour,” he pretended push me and walked away.

I sighed and thanked Jared with my eyes, “Now come drink this,” Jared told me handing me two pills. “What is this?” I asked as I took a seat next to him. “Sleeping pills that way you will sleep during the flight,” I heard him and without thinking more I put both of the pills in my mouth. He smiled and then he handed me a bottle of water, “We will have to practice about the whole flying thing,” he told me looking around. I just nodded because the pills were already working on me, I yawned loudly. “Don’t tell you your going to sleep all flight,” Nick told me peering from his seat toward me. “Yeah I kind of stayed up late last night,” I smiled faintly and my eyelids began get heavy.

The pills worked, Jared had to wake me up by shaking me. “we’re here now remember stay close to me and Howie does sign autographs occasionally. Remember wink and smile I won’t tell you to try and speak Chinese, even if the Howie would well at least try.” He had to shake me again once more, “I’m up,” I told him giving a reassuring smile. “Good morning,” Brian told me as he passed me. “Stay away from till a doctor sees you,” AJ said jokingly but with a voice that meant he did expect me to see a doctor. “I hope its not the flu,” Kevin said with concern staring at me. “I’ll be fine I told him,” giving him a smile.

Finally we stepped out of the plane and as we were lead into the airport I finally got hit with just how famous the Backstreet Boys were. I had my mouth hung wide open as I stared at the crowd with signs up with love confessions to one of the guys. I noticed mostly Nick and AJ, but still there were some for “me” and the rest. “This is nothing,” Jared whispered into my ear. I looked at him surprised, “You mean there’s more?” he smiled at me and nodded as he took a hold of my hand. Sure enough we kept stopping to give autographs and to take pictures with our Asian fans. I had to admit I had this rush of joy and euphoria run through me as I realized was not Marcos but some sort of god to these people mostly women I did notice that. Why would Howie get tired of this? They we were treated was also very royal like, that only made me wonder more why Howie wanted out on such life.

I turned off the engine to my vehicle and walked back to where I had been just an hour ago. Her headstone seemed to call me and there I was again, the flowers that we had just left still looked good among the heat. I squatted and sighed as I read her headstone again, Rosario Flores. I didn’t realize I was crying till I felt a tear drop roll down my face to my hand, I wasn’t crying for her really it was that this reminded me of my sister. I had been so busy with my career I never really mourned my sister and now I had finally broken down. I felt a little relief as I cried, I could cry for once and knew there wouldn’t be a picture of me crying on a magazine or website. This was helping me get over my own little demons I guess and I made myself a promise to visit my own sister’s grave once I was Howie again.

I can’t really say how long I stayed there but I was startled out of my trance with the sudden vibration of my phone. A phone that only three people knew about Jared, Marco and Leigh, I sighed as I saw her name appear on the phone. I was hesitant to answer but I had too I mean I hadn't even told Marco about her. I knew that was a risk but I knew Leigh enough to know she wouldn’t just come up to me or should I say Marco and kiss him. Our relationship was more complex than that and we both were ok with it at the moment. “Hey,” I said smiling as a picture of her filled my memory.

I talked to her for a good thirty minutes in which I explained that I was too busy to go out with her in Europe when she joined the crew there. I also had to explain why I had changed my phone number well actually why I wanted her to only call this number. See Leigh knew me, the real me what was inside of me we have this connection, I can’t explain it. But I had the feeling that if she met the Howie that was out there pretending to be me she would know something was up. I would tell her eventually though; I knew I cared enough for her that I would want her to know.

I had finally left the cemetery and after debating on what was on my mind I rounded the closest bank without anymore hesitation I took out my card. The ATM machine was empty no one around I sighed with relief knowing that way I wouldn’t have a chance to get second thoughts. I quickly entered my pin and took out the amount I wanted; I then left and went straight to nearest Toy store. I felt retched after my break down today and if it had bugged me so much it was hurting me to think how the girls felt. Growing up without there mother, yet they seemed not to complain. I wanted to comfort them for just an instant at least, I went crazy buying them each a doll and things for there tree house. I was going to have to explain myself for sure the twins weren’t as naïve as I thought. But I just had to do something for them; I knew if Marcos had the money to do it himself he would.

I got home and found that Flor was still not home with “my girls” so I put on an effort and tried to make dinner. I did have help from a cook book but making spaghetti had still been hard. The meat balls weren’t so round and the pasta had been a little over cooked because it felt like rubber. But for my first cooked meal without any help I had done a good job. I smiled as heard my daughter’s giggles as they walked into the house. “Papi?” they both yelled. “I’m in the kitchen,” I answered as I finished cleaning the dishes I had in the sink. I had a lot of difficulty not using every container and pot I could find so let’s just leave at that. I smiled as I turned to find them both startled and surprised just like Flor who had her brow raised. “What?”

“I thought your mother had left food for you ready to just be heated,” Flor said as moved toward me with a small smile on her face. “I know but I wanted to do something special for the girls and me,” I lied I didn’t know that my mother did that for me. She chuckled as she saw the contents I had cooked. “Ok what is going on Marcos?” she asked me eyeing me with a smirk. I shrugged trying to give me time to come up with a good excuse. “I need to change and be more attentive to my daughters at home not only try to be there for them economically.”

She didn’t tell me anything else it was she understood me. Flor had stayed for dinner and she did compliment my spaghetti as not bad for my first cooked meal ever. After that she witnessed my presents for the girls who were elated, they had bombarded me to the floor again hugging like crazy. I was surprised she didn’t say anything then. She just watched as she sat in the small couch in the living room. “Niñas time for bed,” she had finally said after watching us on the floor in a war of tickles. I had to chuckle as I saw the pleading eyes from both my daughters to say otherwise but I nodded and agreed with my sister in law.

“Alright quit the begging you two have school tomorrow and your dad has work so no more playing for tonight,” I watched her say as she helped into there pajamas. Ten minutes later she was back in the living where I still sat just looking at the TV blankly. I turned to look at her as she took a seat next to me, “No se que traes Marcos but, I am glad you’re finally moving on Rosario would want that from you.” I understood her Spanish fine and she was right I was definitely doing something that the real Marcos wouldn’t have done. We sat in silence for a little while longer; I didn’t know what to tell her. “Thank you for helping today,” I told her. I felt her hand pat my shoulder and then she spoke again. “I love those girls Marcos I will always be here for them you should know that. I better go… get some sleep you have work tomorrow.” I nodded and stared at her and for the first time since she had arrived I saw the similar ties between her and Rosario. They were twins…it had finally sunk in.

I walked her to her car and thanked her again. She finally stopped and turned to me kissing my cheek, “I know you loved Rosario a lot but what you did today was great Marcos its time to let her go, I am here if you need me ok?” that was the last thing I heard before she was speeding away from my house. I knew I was altering Marcos life but it was a good choice and he needed it. I was doing to improve his life, just by the two days I had spent in his life I already knew he was still too hung to his dead wife, six years to be exact. There was nothing wrong with that but he needed to move on.

That night I tossed thinking how I would make through the next day. I had to show up to a warehouse and make sure to have the entire inventory counted for. Inventory it couldn’t be hard right? I had a quick run through with Marcos at the hotel but now I would face it in reality, no drawing but the real thing.

I couldn’t stress anymore on my day tomorrow so I took out my cell phone and dialed the familiar number. “Marcos? Can you talk?” I asked with joy as he answered. I was now preparing to ask him how he was handling China. Or how he was handling the traveling? I felt disappointed when he told me he was busy at the moment and he would call me back. I suddenly felt a little tug at my heart... but it wasn’t because I missed my life right?

I felt a little bad hanging up on Howie like I had but I was so busy preparing for the interview. It sounded like he wanted to ask me something very important. I made a mental note to myself as I followed Nick who was standing beside me. “Hey D are you going to dis me again tonight? Leigh is not here so you can let go,” Nick told me as he raised his brows. I knew I was smiling to cover my embarrassment, was there something more I did not know about Howie?

I pretended to be annoyed by his comment and went to find my bodyguard Jared. “He called me I think it’s important for me to get in contact with him,” I told Jared. I sighed as I thought about what exactly had gone through at my house today or well Sunday. My mom would not be there and my sister in law would be with the girls. I loved my sister in law but normally I would ignore her as much as I could or my like avoided her she reminded me to much of my wife.
I shook away my thoughts and tried to concentrate on what was in hand. I was sweating like crazy trying to remember as much of the information Jared had crammed into my head at the hotel. The common questions and the uncommon ones, I knew I couldn’t screw up. “You ok?” Brian startled me as he looked at me with concern.

I nodded to him because I knew I couldn’t speak at that moment without making a fool of myself. Then as I peaked to where we were to be interviewed, a wave vertigo hit me and had to hold myself on the wall. “Oh boy,” I stammered. In an instant Jared was by my side. “What’s wrong?” he asked me in a whisper.

“I don’t know,” I said glancing back to where we were supposed to be interviewed in exactly five minutes. “What’s wrong D?” I heard Kevin say with concern as he stood beside Jared. “I’m fine I’m just still a little ill from whatever I had earlier,” I lied.

“Backstreet boys are you ready?” we heard someone from the crew ask us. “He needs fresh air that’s all,” Jared told Kevin. I saw Kevin nod and with that Jared was practically dragging me the opposite direction.

Once I saw the sun hit me I felt my uneasiness begin to leave. “I’m sorry I don’t know what got to me?” I told Jared. He faced me with a stern look, “Marcos your Howie! Stop being Marcos he is not here…. Your Howie, Howie does not get nervous or stage fright.” He squeezed my shoulder and nodded at me, “You need to stop all this or they will find out and it will bring chaos,” he told me.

I nodded and took a few deeps breaths repeating in my head that I was no longer Marcos Flores but Howard Dorough a very famous person. “Your right I can do this, I’m Howie,” I said giving him a smile. “Let’s go,” I told him as I walked right back into the doors and down the hall we had just come from. I found Jen one of your tour managers waiting for me, “Are you ok or do you need me to send you back to the hotel? The guys can handle this Howie. I need you to be good for tomorrow night,” she gave me concern and almost motherly look.

I nodded and cleared my throat, “I’m fine Jen,” I went past her and quickly sat on the empty chair right by AJ before the camera began recording. I smiled confidently to AJ as he stared me concerned and suspiciously. “We need to talk,” he whispered to me. I knew that was not a good sign, I would have to be really prepared for that talk. I just nodded and again began to take deep breaths.

******

“I hope I pull the rehearsal,” I told Jared as we walked to our dance rehearsals. “Just follow the instructor, you can do this.” He told me reassuring me. “You did great on the interview; this should be a piece of cake.” I smiled as remember the events from the night before he was right. I pushed away any memories I had about my real life and embrace my current one. I had done so well that it even looked like AJ felt more at ease. I had no trouble answering the questions Jared had been right most of them were so common and the fact that all us answered randomly I would just keep my mouth shut when I wasn’t so sure of an answer.

“Your right I can do this,” I told him taking a deep breath as entered the room where we would rehearse our dance moves. I looked at Jared one more time and walked in with more confidence. I was living the life of a Rockstar this was suppose to be fun and my insecurities were stopping me.

I made myself a promise today I would embrace my persona of Howie Dorough completely and nothing was going to bother me. I was not going to let Marcos ruin my adventure, “Hey Nick?” I asked him as I took a seat next to him. “Sup D?” Nick said grinning at me.

“I’ve decided I will definitely be joining you later for whatever. I’m in,” I said with a big grin on my face. I was really going to let loose and be Howie. “That’s what I am talking about that’s my Howie,” Nick told me patting my shoulder hard.

I laughed as I saw the silly face Nick was making as he realized I was joining him. We were interrupted by our instructor and the rest of the guys. “Time to dance,” I told Nick as we both stood up.

******

“You’re my fire the one desire…” I sang trying to improve my voice. It was hard when I am used to only singing in the shower and at karaoke bars. But finally embracing who I was had helped my voice sound strong and I knew I could pull this off since really most of what I sang was background.

I heard the knock on my door and quickly went to open it. “Ready?” Jared asked me looked at me concerned. “Yes, let’s go…” I told him closing the door behind me following him to the car that would drop us off in the arena. “I need to call him,” I finally told him as we sat quietly in the van.

“Don’t worry while you’re up there I will call him…” Jared assured me. I had totally forgotten to call him the day before. I knew I should not worry at the moment with that when I had a concert to worry about so I just agreed with Jared and hoped that nothing was wrong with my family especially with my babies. I guess I still had something to worry about after all; I could never completely erase my life as Marcos when I had two beautiful girls that I loved.

“Marcos!” I groaned as I heard someone scream Marcos name. Finally I realized that was me, I opened my eyes and realized it was day time already. I sat up quick and saw the clock on the lamp table say it was seven thirty.

I jumped off my bed and remembered I had to be at work by eight. “I’m up!” I yelled to my mother who was still pounding on my door.

“Mijo are you still feeling under the weather?” she asked me. I laughed to myself as I began to look for my uniform. I was in a hurry, “No I am fine just forgot to put my alarm on!” I answered knowing well I was lying. I sighed in relief as I found the garments that composed my uniform and put them.

I have to say I am used to changing outfits in a fast pace so putting on my uniform was piece of cake. I walked out of my room and headed for the bathroom. That’s when I remembered that my daughter’s had to go to school. “Girls,” I screamed after rinsing my mouth.

“They are at school already Mijo… I took them when I saw that you were still asleep.” My mother told me startling me as I was coming out of the restroom. “Oh… thank you this won’t happen again,” I told her as went back to my room to get my belongings and one specific item I knew I would need for sure… my cell phone.

“Estas seguro que estas bien?” my mother asked me as she extended her hand with a lunch box. I sighed and put on my best smile, “Yes… this won’t happen again.” I told her hesitantly taking the lunch she had prepared for me. “Con cuidado,” she yelled as walked out the house.

I just nodded to her, I knew I needed to be careful but I also knew I had fifteen minutes to get to my job. A job that I as Marcos could not afford to loose, I was going to put my car to the test today.

I was doing great time I thought as I sped through the highway, that was till I saw the red and blue lights flashing behind him. “Great just great!” I yelled to myself as I pulled over. I was so busy thinking of excuses for my tardiness to work I hadn’t notice the officer tapping on my window. “hello office,” I greeted with the best smile I could put on my face.

“Did you know the speed limit is sixty not eighty?” She asked me as she looked at me. I shrugged smiling shyly at her. “I am so sorry and I know I have no excuse for speeding but my day has started horribly already.” I stuttered realizing that this police officer was not bad looking and she was working her police uniform. I smiled as I got a glimpse of her completely.

“License and registration,” she told me with a small smirk on her face. I smiled and went for the glove compartment for the registration and what I hoped would be an insurance card. To my embarrassment the door to the glove compartment fell right out making me blush. I then realized that I was not in my car but in an old piece of tin, “sorry,” I stammered as I handed her the documents and went for my wallet to my license. Then it hit me… I didn’t have a license not with Marcos Flores on it. “Crap,” I said pretending to look for it in my wallet.

“I left at home,” I muttered hoping for the best. The officer glared at me and told me to wait while she went back to her patrol car. I watched her through the mirror as she checked the documents I had handed her. I really was hoping for miracle as I saw that I was supposed to be at work in exactly three minutes.

“Mr. Flores,” I heard Officer Roland tell me as she returned. “I am to let you go with a warning for speeding and for not having your driver license with you. I do expect for you to follow the law from now on.” I sighed in relieve as I heard her, “I will most definitely officer. This won’t happen again.” I gave her my best smile and felt even better when I saw her blush. Was it me or was she digging me?

I waited for her to go and then I began my drive to work. I kept reciting what I was going to say if asked why I was late.

Finally ten minutes later I was parking at Logistics Inc. I could’ve kissed the pavement at that moment but I opted to go punch in. “Mr. Flores,” I heard someone say as I made it to the break room to clock in. “Yes?” I managed to say with a small smile on my face.

“Its good to see you’re back how was your vacation?” the tall much older man asked me. He was bald so that right away told me this was the boss Mr. Patterson. “Good sir,” I manage to say.

“Good,” he told me as he patted my shoulder. “We are glad you finally decided to take your paid vacation. Now that your back I hope your ready to get back it. We had Gus take over the while you were gone but let me tell you he is going to jump with to see your back. How do you do it Marc?” he asked as he walked with to where I assumed was my department.

“Practice and dedication,” I stated not really knowing what to say. The man smiled at me as we entered a different hall and then into a big room with rows and rows of many different parts it seemed.

“Well I let you get back to it and if you have any questions you know where to find,” I heard him tell me as he sighed. I wanted to sigh too as I saw exactly what I did. I was brought back from my thoughts when someone called me.

“Marcos welcome back man,” a redheaded younger than me man said as he approached me with a gadget in hand. “I guess your going to need this back,” He told me handing me the gadget and the clipboard he held.

“Yeah I guess I do,” I told him still trying to understand my job. I knew I had to do inventory but for what? “Thanks for helping out while I was in vacation Gus,” I had assumed that was Gus.

“Hey no problem,” he told me smiling at me. “So how did you like Florida? How did your daughters like Disney world?” he asked me with eagerness.

So that was what Marcos had used to go away few weeks? “Good they want to go back soon.” I managed to say putting on a good poker face.

“That’s good Marcos we were all getting worried about you. I am glad your finally letting go of –“ he paused and didn’t finish his sentence. But I knew what he was going to say so I gave him a weak smile.

“I think its time Gus,” I told him solemnly.

“Good well you know where I am at if you want to talk ok? See you at lunch,” and with that I saw Gus leave me. I looked at his notes on the clipboard and then I went to work…

I missed my babies and looking at them in pictures was not cutting it. “I need to see my girls.” I told Jared as we drove back to the hotel after another interview.

“We are about to get a break before heading to Europe I already arranged for Howie to go down to Orlando and there you will switch with him for a few days so you can see them.”

“What am I going to tell my job?” Marcos asked as he looked out the window.

“Don’t worry Howie will have it under control, now relax and enjoy Tokyo because after this we head to China,” Jared said as he gave me a smile.

“Can I ask you something?” I asked him as I stared at him.

“Ok,” Jared said calmly to me as he looked through a magazine I was sure he didn’t understand.

“What are you getting from all this,” I asked as I wondered what Howie must have offered him to keep this all to himself.

Jared smiled deviously and then laughed a little the first time I have seen him laugh like that, “I am Howie’s friend first of all and then of course I have a few other perks like a little more on my check. Nothing big just I’ve been with these guys for a very long time so I understand why he took this chance when he got it,” He said as he shrugged and looked back into the magazine.

I smiled at him and sighed when I saw our hotel in sight. “I am beet I am going to bed right away.”

“Yeah well don’t get to comfortable we have to be at the airport in three hours.”

“What I thought you said to enjoy Tokyo?” I asked him as I felt the uneasiness of my stomach at the mention of the airport.

“Yeah I did you have three hours,” Jared as he opened the door to the cab and held it open for me. “So you sure you want to nap?” he asked me as we walked into the entrance.

“I could eat something,” I told him as we stopped before heading in.

“Ok let’s go,” Jared said as we turned the opposite way and into the busy street in search of food.

*******

I smiled again as I posed with more fans. Who would have thought that us leaving Japan would cause such chaos at the airport. Girls screaming and asking or autographs, I laughed a little as I saw the way Nick looked as a girl clung to him.

“Shouldn’t his bodyguard help him?” I asked Jared who was by me almost at all times.

“Yeah but sometimes they like to make him suffer… he does prank us too you know.” Jared said smiling as he saw Nick struggle.

“You better not do that to me.” I told him as we finally made it to where we were fan free.

“I can’t wait to get on the plane and get a descent nap!” Kevin told me as he stood by me.

“Hey remember it’s the last day of the Japan tour so keep your eyes open for Brian’s and Nick’s pranks.” AJ said as he pointed to his eyes as he removed his sunglasses showing a black outline where the sunglasses had sat on his face. “What the hell is it?” He asked Brian who was laughing hysterically.

“Don’t worry a little soap and water will remove it,” Brian said high fiving Nick who had finally made to us safely.

“One down,” Nick said laughing at AJ who looked pissed.

I couldn’t help but laugh only to get a glare from AJ. “Oh it’s on!” AJ said grinning I only assumed he had just gotten and idea on how to get them back.

*******

We arrived in Hong Kong safely and I nearly kissed the floor when we landed. I realized AJ no longer wore his sunglasses and his face was clean.

“I am going to need your help D to Nick and Brian back. I have a very good fucking plan.” He told me as he walk beside me and Jared.

“He’s in,” Jared said eyeing me. I guess he knew I was going to say no.

“Yeah I am in,” I said smiling knowing that I probably wasn’t going to like this but then again I reminded myself I was no longer Marcos… damn it I was Howie and it looked like Howie liked to play dirty.

“Alright I will tell you later because we can’t talk much anymore,” he said as we both saw the crowd waiting for us as we entered the airport. Another city but yet same reaction, I was quickly bombarded and again I put my happy smile on and began to sign away.

I thought I could get used to this but now as the girls screamed in my ears I could totally see why Howie needed a break. I could endure all this though… In a couple of weeks I would meet up with Howie in Orlando and I would see my babies.

I only but wondered how Howie was taking in my job a boring old job at that. I was pretty sure by now he was ready to be himself again.

*******

We were rehearsing at the venue for tonight’s show and we had a couple of fans watch us. Everything was going smooth till Kevin began to sing and his microphone did not work.

He looked funny messing with it and every time he tried to speak out of it would not work but when Brian or anyone else spoke or sang into it, it would work. “Ok who the fuck is doing this,” he said into the microphone I guess he thought it would not work but instead it was heard all over making some of our crew members hard at work stop and our fans gasp.

I couldn’t hold my laugh and it was evident none of the others could… Kevin gave an apologetic smile to the fans and a death glare to both Brian and Nick.

He walked to and took my microphone and soon began to explain to the fans what was happening to which most laughed along but I saw the look on Kevin’s face he was going to get revenge.

This tour was turning into one crazy prank after prank and I had to admit I was enjoying. Now was anxious to hear AJ’s plan.

I officially hate my job. How can people do that all day? Suddenly I yearned to have a mic in hand ready to sing to many girls all swooning for me. It had been a week of torture, I knew I was being looked at weird by my coworkers who could not understand how I could have gotten the inventories all mixed up.

My manager had even asked me if I was feeling well. I had nodded and said yes but he still told me to Monday and Tuesday from next week off. He told me that maybe it was my lack of vacationing that had me like that, that my brain was probably in vacation mode or that I had caught some sort of virus. How embarrassing this was, I was sure Marc was not going to like this report.

“Marc?” Flor repeated my name. I shook away my thoughts bringing the fork full of pancakes to my mouth. I only looked at her and she gave me a smile. “Are you ok? You seem a little off.” I swallowed my food and nodded.

“Yeah I am fine just a little tired,” I lied and then I went back to eating. I stared at the girls they didn’t look too happy. “Ok what’s wrong with you two.” I asked them as they continued to poke at there food.

“We wanted to go the park later but aunt Flor said we couldn’t go because we had to go to our catechism classes. We hate catechism classes.” They said in unison I sort of shook with surprise. “Daddy can we miss our class just for today?” they asked me giving me the cutest sad puppy face look.

I looked at Flor who looked at me with a look that said I better not agree. But who was I kidding I was catholic and unfortunately I never went to those classes and I turned out fine I was sure one day that they missed wouldn’t hurt them. “Hmm…” I told them teasing them and getting a glare from my sister in law.

“Ok I will make you a deal,” I told them as I smiled at them. “You will go to church today and really say all your Hail Mary’s and of course promise to go bed early so you won’t be late for school tomorrow and I will let you all miss one day of your classes.”

“Deal,” they both told me as they got off there chairs and went to hug me; they kissed me too jumping with excitement. Kids weren’t so bad after all they were actually quite refreshing in some way I guess in the new perspective I had about them. I laughed as they began to practice there Hail Mary’s as they left to get ready for church. Sunday was getting easy for me to adjust to; it was always the day we went to church. I guess in a way I was starting to feel even more connected to god.

“Your spoiling them too much,” Flor told me but the smile on her face told me she really wasn’t mad. “But I do have to agree Catechism classes are boring… I was so glad when my first communion was over… I never again went to one of those classes after that.” I chuckled at her.

“Marc,” she said after a little moment of silence. I looked up at her and she was sort of smiling again. “I was thinking, its been a while since you have been on a date… if you want I can take the girls today and you should go out to a bar or something.”

I smiled and in my head that sounded about right but then I stared at her. I didn’t want to I actually liked hanging around her and the girls every Sunday. Even if I didn’t know much about her personal life I had a feeling she was single too.

Flor was growing on me and as I stared at her I realized she was growing on me in other ways too. I just knew that wasn’t right though because I had Leigh and she was very special to me. But Flor there was something about her and as I stared at her I thought about it and sort of dealt with my new feelings as me acting as Marc. That Marc would be happy if he saw Flor as more than his dead wife’s sister. I really hadn’t convinced myself entirely but for that moment that sufficed.

“I like hanging around with the girls… Sunday is family day. I am keeping it like that,” I told her. She shrugged a little and went back to her plate.

“Hey Flor?” I said looking at her again she had just put a fork full of egg in her mouth.

“Yeah,” she said after a few seconds.

“I lost my driver license… I got stopped the other day and well the officer wasn’t to happy about that. Do you think you could go with me tomorrow to get a new one?” I asked her not because I had a feeling I couldn’t do it on my own, I just still needed help finding places. I was sure the DPS was on that list of places I would have trouble finding. “I mean if you can if not I can ask mom.” I said when she looked at me curiously.

“Really you want me too?” She asked me a little shocked. I nodded.

“Why?” I finally asked when she continued to eye me surprised.

“It’s just you didn’t even want to see me on Sundays. It took you almost six months to allow me to come into the house to see the girls. Let alone be here for more than a couple of hours. Finally your mom made this compromise about the Sundays.” She told me smiling at me as she reached her hand across the table and took one of mine. “I am glad you are finally moving on my sister would love that.”

I gave her a smile while in my head I began to realize that Marc was one tormented soul. But I could see why Flor was identical to his wife. Maybe this was a bad idea… but as I felt her hand on mine I forgot all about that and I just seemed to stare at her hand as it caressed mine…

“I will gladly go with you tomorrow I’ll pick up around ten is that good?” she asked me as her hand continued to lay on top of mine.

“Yeah that sounds good,” I said nervously still just thinking of her touch on my hand.

“Ok so you got what you have to do right?” AJ told me as he grinned when we entered Kevin’s room for a quick meeting. I have notice that Kevin seems to be the one to have more say on what the boys will do, but I don’t mind I think he does one hell of a good job. Even if sometimes he is a little…how can I say this? Anal? Yeah that’s a good word. I am not grinning, if you’re thinking I am.

AJ was right there was Nick munching on cereal. Cereal was like all that kid ate… I smiled toward AJ who only cleared his throat. “Can we make this snappy I feel like shit I want to rest.” AJ said in a very crabby mood his shades covering his eyes.

“Someone woke up in the wrong side of the bed.” Nick said as he put another spoonful of cereal in his mouth. I sighed and began to plan my distraction; I still couldn’t believe I had agreed on this. Just as Kevin was going to talk, I yawned and I could see Nick noticing me AJ was right he was a very alert kid ready for sure to make a move and prank me.

I was listening though to Kevin and what he was saying. But I also pretended to fall asleep and then everyone went silent and I knew AJ had been right Nick was probably about do something to me. Sure enough I opened my eyes just in time to see Nick ready to write something on me and a wad of paper in hand. He was probably going to shove down my throat. “I’m up,” I said pretending to wake up and giving Nick a glare.

Nick only laughed and so did Brian who was right beside him like always his sidekick. Kevin didn’t say anything but I had a feeling he wanted me to get pranked just like he had.

I made Nick a gesture saying that I was watching him and he only stuck his tongue. “Man Howie that was close,” AJ said giving me a grin that his mission had been accomplished.

Sure enough I watched as Nick grabbed his bowl of cereal and without even looking he put another spoonful of cereal in his mouth. I wanted to laugh so badly but I pretended to listen to Kevin who was back in business mode.

Kevin didn’t even get far again when Nick spit out the cereal all over Brian who sat beside him. “What the,” Brian said standing up making a face just before being shoved aside and Nick running to the bathroom.

I felt my stomach churn a little as I heard him empty his. AJ was laughing hysterically and was pointing at Brian and Nick. “Ha, that will teach you not to mess with me baby!” he said as he did a little dance. By then Kevin and I were laughing too.

Brian was busy wiping his face and making puking sounds. I could tell he was ready to hurl too. “What did you do Aje?” He asked as he continued to wipe holding himself from following suit to Nick.

“It’s called lime. If you add lime to any milk product it will spoil it. Hence making Nick run to the thrown to throw up.” AJ said smiling proudly.

“I can’t believe I am saying this but nice job AJ.” Kevin said high fiving him.

Brian looked toward the bowl and made a face before his face turning slightly green. The next thing we saw was him run to the bathroom shoving Nick aside as he came out wiping his mouth. “What the hell did you do!” he pointed to AJ with a look of revenge.

AJ only laughed harder wiping his eyes. “I did good didn’t I?” He asked Nick who was still shuddering from his horrible experience.

“I think I will hate cereal for the rest of my life he moaned.” He winced as he heard Brian hurling in the bathroom.

*********

“I can’t believe I missed that,” Jared told me after we were in my room.

“Trust me it wasn’t a pretty sight.” I told him smiling though because well it was funny. What was funnier though was the fact that Nick had totally forgotten about his comment of never eating cereal again.

I was about to sit when a knock on the door stopped me. “Who could that be?” I asked Jared who shrugged at me as he looked toward the door.

“Maybe one of the guys.” He said as he lowered the volume on the TV.

I didn’t even looked through the peephole I just opened the door. I was smiling but when I saw a very beautiful girl standing there smiling back at me I froze. I felt lost when I felt her arms around me and her lips on mine.

I kissed her back and I have to admit I liked it. She had the softest lips and she smelled divine maybe the fact that I hadn’t been with a woman in a while also didn’t help the sudden urge I had. My hands had made it to her hair and that’s when I heard someone clear their throat. “Leigh,” Jared said.

I froze, Leigh had a face now. She was gorgeous and she knew how to kiss. “Jared,” she said smiling at him as she turned a little red. I was still smiling like a fool just looking at her.

“Howie maybe you should let her in,” Jared told me as he patted my shoulder. I cleared my throat and nodded allowing her to come in.

I thought he had said Leigh did not give surprise visits, so what was this? I didn’t not like this at all, I had kissed someone else’s girlfriend. Yet I can’t completely say I didn’t like but I knew this was not a good thing…

“I can’t believe you got the license so easily. I think it was all the flirting you did with the poor lady. You had her believing she looked like an exotic woman.” Flor said as she laughed at me.

We were at a restaurant having lunch. “What can I say I have a few hidden talents like wrapping girls around my finger.” I told her as I took a drink of my lemonade.

“Is that how you won my sister? Very cheesy…” she told me as she took a fry in her mouth. She smiled at me as she caught me staring at me, “What?” she asked as she wiped her mouth.

I sighed and shook my head, “It’s just you are identical to…” I stopped myself from saying it and cleared my throat.

“Well we were identical twins but you know the differences… remember when we tried to fool you?” she told me as she continued to enjoy her fries.

I smiled and I wished I did remember that but I wasn’t the real Marc. “So I was thinking about taking the girls to Orlando.” I said changing the conversation because I knew I could not get into details that I didn’t know about.

“Orlando? How you and I both know you can’t afford that.” She told me in a surprised tone. She was right Marc couldn’t afford that but I was Howie and I so could afford it. The girls had grown on me I wouldn’t mind giving them the gift of meeting Mickey and Minnie. Lord knows I will also be paying for there college.

“I won a trip,” I said smiling at her. “I won a week stay at Disney and I want to take the girls. I may never have the money for this so now that I got this I want to do it.” I told her trying to sound convincing.

“Where did you win?” she asked me curiously a smile playing on her lips she was just excited as me to hear that the girls were going to have a dream of theirs come true.

“The other day at the mall just out of boredom I entered the contest and to my surprise won. Want to come?” I asked her and she almost choked on her drink.

“I can’t do that…” she said as she took a fry in her hand. “This is a bonding experience for you and my nieces.”

“I am sure the girls would love to have you there, come on.” I said looking at her with pleading eyes. I was sure once Marc saw how great Flor could be I knew he could come to feel for her something.

“I can’t,” she told me blushing. “I…” she paused and stared at me with a curious smile. “I am afraid of what may occur.”

I looked at her and for the first time I saw something different something that made my stomach churn. I felt my lips go dry, “afraid of what?” I asked her wanting to hear it.

“Marco… I don’t know what made you snap but you have come to be a totally different man the past few weeks. Even your mother has noticed it and the fact that you are talking to me again…I got to know the man my sister fell in love with. And… I now see why.” She told me as her hand reach for mine. She looked at me and I saw her fear.

“Don’t be afraid,” I told her as I squeezed her hand.

“I have to be because I can’t feel what I want to feel for you…it’s not right.” She said standing up from the booth we shared and walked out. I stood up and quickly paid and followed her.

“Flor wait,” I told her as I reached her as she walked to her car. We had used her car a much better car compared to mine. “How do you know it’s not right?” I asked her.

She stared at me and sighed, “Marc you married my sister and even if she is no longer here we always said we would never date someone one of had already dated. Besides I feel it wrong… you need to find some new a fresh start. I the spitting image of your deceased wife Marc.”

She had some sort of a point but it was not completely convincing. I knew why and I was correct but I knew better than to argue with her. Besides why was I trying to convince her to like me if I was not who I was pretending to be. “Let’s forget this conversation happened and go home. I have to pickup the girls.” I told her raising my hands in surrender.

The conversation was not over but first I had some deciphering to do. About Flor and Leigh. I also had to find a way to get days off work without getting fired. I so many things to do and not time it seemed. I guess the normal life I so yearned to be in really doesn’t exist everyone has problems and issues to face.

Leigh was a very pretty woman; I could totally see why Howie kept her to himself. In the few weeks I’ve been doing this…I’ve learned that the media can be good just as bad. I had already seen some horrible things about Kevin and his long term girlfriend.

Then there was the rumors about Nick and AJ, they were womanizers. Ok maybe that was true but then again those two were the youngest. I understood Howie’s concern to keep his personal life in the dark.

“I know you said that we really couldn’t spend time together but I had to come see you.” Leigh told me excitedly as she dug through her purse. “I’m finally an aunt!” she exclaimed as she took out a picture.

It was a picture of a beautiful baby. “He’s adorable.” I said looking at the picture it made my heart hurt. I missed my babies. “How exciting.” I said trying to sound as a excited Howie should sound, he was single and probably not so emotional at looking at baby pictures.

“Yeah he weighed nine pounds he was born last night. I am going to fly out to Orlando tonight. I want to be there for his baptism. That is why I am here, my sister wants you to be there with me. I looked at your schedule and you will be in the US by then. In Florida.” She said smiling at me, she had a beautiful smile and those lips looked so tempting.

Before I knew what I was doing, I had pressed my lips to hers again. What was wrong with me I had sworn to never feel like I did for my wife. Yet her kisses were soft and just right… that’s when I heard someone clear his throat. I groaned and looked at Jared he was giving me a glare.

“I’m sorry to interrupt.” He said handing Leigh the bottled water. Leigh blushed a little and then extended the picture I had just held to him. “My nephew.” She said simply.

I smiled as Jared complimented Leigh. “I really should get going, so will you?” she looked at me with a very sexy smile if she was trying to make sure I’d say yes it was working. I nodded.

“Great I’ll let her know your coming… they’ve been dying to meet you.” She said kissing me again and then like that she was gone. I felt the slap on the back of my head as soon as the door was shut. “What was that?” Jared asked.

I sighed heavily and turned to look at him. “I think I’m in love.” I said simply still feeling the tingly sensation on lips. Leigh was something else.

“You can’t” Jared finally said breaking me from my dream bubble. “She is with Howie the real Howie.” He said frustrated.

He was right and I knew that… “I know but I could still dream. By the way you have make sure he remembers to go with her to her nephew’s baptism.” I said smiling as I realized soon we would be back in the US. I was going to see my babies.

***

“I’m going to get AJ back.” Brian said as he rubbed his stomach. I only laughed as I followed him toward the plane we were going to take back to London and then home.

“I don’t think he intentionally made you sick Brian.” Kevin said patting his shoulder, “You didn’t even eat the cereal… I mean take a look at Nick he is perfectly fine and even had a bowl of cereal before coming right Nicky boy?” Kevin said grinning at Nick.

“Still I got sick after I witnessed Nicky puke…ugh.” Brian said turning slightly green, I stopped and so did Kevin. Thank god we did just then Brian bent down and out came his lunch.

With that there was a chain reaction and AJ, Nick and a few of our crew followed in the puking parade. I was glad I had experience with puking, I did raise two babies they were two little puking machines if I recall.

“So I think we officially need a doctor.” Kevin said as he gagged and covered his nose. “Totally,” I agreed as we moved away and safely made it to the plane.

As I stepped in though my fear kicked in but I quickly dug into my pocked and found my sleeping pills. I was going to be just fine. London here I come… I smiled as I swallowed my pills.

I had never been to London so I was looking forward to that… then Orlando where I would switch with Howie. I would spend a few days with my family my real family which was good I need a wake up call I was getting to used to this commodity. Besides I needed to recuperate from Leigh’s presence what better way than by seeing my girls. I was definitely going to get a huge wake up call with them. Because the truth was Leigh was Howie’s not mine… I wasn’t the real Howie I knew that.

As I began dose off I still heard the faint voice of Brian as he asked for another barf bag. I guess even celebrities got sick… No one was safe from that and death. All I hoped was I didn’t get sick, I wanted to enjoy my family.

I was in bed and I could hear the vibration. Finally I realized it was my cell phone quickly I got if from my hiding place and answered not caring to look at the caller ID. “Hello,” I said groggily.

“Your sleeping?” I heard Leigh ask me. Crap. “Yeah I dosed off I have a little break so I wanted to take a nap.” I told her sighing in relief at my good excuse.

“Well I just wanted to tell you that my sister is very happy that you accepted to go to Valentino’s baptism.” Leigh told me in a very flirty tone. “Beside Mr. Dorough I am going to give the night of your life when you come.” Ok what had I missed.

“Really?” I tried to sound normal. Who the hell was Valentino? I racked my brain and thought through my past conversations with my girlfriend. I was able to sum it up as Leigh’s sister finally popping. She had been pregnant the last time I had seen her.

“You there?” I heard her ask, I cleared my throat.

“Yeah I’m just really tired.” I said yawing. I looked at my watch it was three in the morning.

“OK I’ll let you go.” Leigh said before I heard the smacking noise as she threw me a kiss. I smiled and pretended I was really there with her. Leigh was a good kisser. “Love you see you soon.” She said and I blushed or I knew I had.

“Love you too.” I said quickly hanging up and then I froze had I just told Leigh I loved her? Did I mean it though? I was to tired to debate with myself so I laid back down and made sure I made a mental note for two things. First to call Jared and demand an explanation on this bizarre call and two to decipher what I meant when I told her I loved her. Did I really?

*******

I was nervous as I waited in the boss office. I had been late again this morning and I knew I was going to get lectured. Marc was going to kill me when he saw how many tardies I already had.

“Mr. Flores.” My boss said as he entered with a thick manila folder in hand. He sighed heavily and then gave me a concerned look. “Are you alright?” he asked.

I nodded and smiled, “Yes why?” I asked nervously.

“Well the staff and I have noticed that lately you haven’t been yourself.” Ah crap. Yep this was not good I swallowed hard trying to find a way to beg for them not to fire me. “Marc you’ve been part of this team for over seven years. We know something is wrong and we don’t want whatever that is to ruin you good standards with us. Since you came back from the requested vacation you have not messed up one or two orders. It has been a total of twenty five… that is something that concerns us. I want to help but I can’t if you don’t tell me. So after putting my ass on the grill for you.” He said eyeing me in a fatherly way he spoke again. “I got the big boss to give you a month off. Go fix your stuff, I know you well enough to know something must be wrong with you. The only time you ever acted like this was when your wife passed away. Oh and if you need anything call me you know I will try to help.” He told me standing up.

I was still trying to understand what he was saying. Was he laying me off? “I’m not fired?” I asked out loud.

He chuckled, “No Marc you are on a break, take it like that a break without pay.” He said.

Was this a good thing or a bad thing? I took a deep breath and walked out the office. This was good I didn’t have to worry about asking for time, but I wonder what Marc will say when he finds out.

His boss really does care for him. I left the warehouse in my old car and in a mission to find a place where I could meditate. But first I had to make a call… I got my phone a dialed.

“Hey D.” I heard Jared say as he answered.

“Jared who is Valentino and why did I get a call from Leigh at three in the morning?” I asked all at once.

“Shit.” I heard Jared say. “It’s a long story and I will tell you but your going to have to wait. We have a problem, a puking problem.” Was all I heard before the tone that indicated he had hung up?

Did he just say puking?

“I really can’t guys,” I tried to give AJ and Nick the best sick face I could. They were trying to convince to go out with them in London. But I had already been told by Jared we had a conference call with Howie… apparently he was not very happy by a surprised call he had received by none other than Leigh.

I was man enough though to man to what I had done and I was going to explain myself to him I was why lie. Leigh is hot and she had kissed me first, but it will never happen again I was going swear on my life it wasn’t.

“Ok well you’re the party pooper,” AJ said as he and Nick left my suite. Jared appeared as soon as those two were gone.

“Ready?” asked as he came in cell phone in hand. He was already dialing a the number, I was surprised to hear Howie answer so quick.

“Hello Jared?” he said in a very calm voice too calm for my liking.

“Yeah and Marco.” Jared said sitting beside me.

“Oh good we can get right to business… let’s start with the call I received from Leigh.” He said suddenly not sounding calm.

“Well she showed up and couldn’t stay away…” Jared began as he looked at me. I sighed and made him stop.

“Yeah I didn’t know about Leigh by the way. Any who she knocked on my door and well things just went down after that she kissed me.” I said all at once and at first I thought the call had disconnected because the other side of the phone was silent not even a breath was heard.

“Howie?” Jared asked after a few seconds.

“I’m here,” he finally said exhaling a long breath, “I guess I should let you know that I sort of implied that you like or feel something more for your sister in law.”

I began to cough as I heard the last part of his sentence. “You what? I don’t even really talk to her!”

“Well it was an accident and in a very odd moment.” He was explaining to me but I still felt anger and I didn’t know why. “Hey we are airing out our laundry here, you kissed my girlfriend and I am not freaking out! So call it even!”

He was right and I hadn’t told him about the second kiss I had given Leigh. I took a few good breaths, “I know but you don’t understand my relationship with Flor is not the best since my wife’s death.”

“I know,” he said in matter of fact. “I think it’s wrong that you shunned her from your life for so long time and then you barely talk to her when she takes great care of the girls.” Was he lecturing me? He who is single and afraid to admit to the world that he actually does have a girlfriend?

“You don’t know anything about me and my life!” I said angrily because I knew he was right but I was in pain and anguish. I thought I had lost everything the day my wife had died. “As a matter fact I quit this right now as soon as I arrive to the U.S. I want out you understand and you can keep your money and just leave my family alone. You have no right in going in to it and try to mend what you don’t understand!”

“I’m sorry.” Howie told me and then he sighed. “Your right I didn’t but just like I’ve done changes in your life Marco you have done in mine. Had you not kissed Leigh twice!” he paused after emphasizing that he knew I had kissed her twice, “I wouldn’t have realized that I am in love with her. I love Leigh and I really miss her.”

I felt tears come to my eyes, I was mess and I missed my kids. I wanted out; I knew this would not end well. “I just want to go home and end this.” I stood up and left the room. I needed to breathe.

*********

It was a closing of eyes when I was on a plane back to Seattle as Marcos Flores. Howie made it happen so fast, he showed up in London just as we were heading to the airport to head to New York. Jared found a way to switch us.

“I was in heading for the elevators still thinking on big of a mistake this had been when I saw Howie and he pulled into stairway there was Jared. No wonder I had seen him. “So I understand you and your right this was a mistake.” Howie had said handing me my credentials.

“What do you mean?” I had asked I was still a little confused.

“Your right this was a mistake.” Howie repeated as he gave me a smile. “I shouldn’t have made you do this… I’m sorry and I wish you the best Marco. You have two wonderful daughters that love you I must add. Look just wait for us to leave than you can catch a cab to the airport for your flight home. I am still keeping my word about our deal.” He patted my shoulder. “Everyone thinks I went to claim my tickets to Disney world.”

He then handed me a envelope telling to open till I was back in Seattle. So here I am on my way back to my girls and gripping this letter which I am anxious to read. Also very nervous with the new Flor situation. Even if I have to admit Howie was right on what he had told me the night before.

In a way it was a good thing he had open the communication barrier between her and me. I felt relieved to be going back yet now I also felt sad knowing I would never see the Backstreet Boys the same… they were not just some boy band that was stealing teenage girls hearts they were normal guys just trying to live their life. It was a little more hectic than a normal ordinary life but they still bled the same as we did. They had money but it had a price…

My heart is pounding after hearing that we about to land. I can’t wait to see my family…