“No way”

Nick Carter sat in his manager’s office listening to Kenneth and his publicist, Juliette plead with their newest and most ridiculous PR idea.

“Nick,” Juliette started as she sat in the chair next to him, “I’ve worked for you a long time and I’m not one for these reality shows. But even I think this is a good idea.”

Nick crossed his arms and sat back in the leather chair.

“I’m not doing a dating show. I’ll become a joke. Ken, we laughed about Bret Michaels just the other day!”

“Just think about and don’t say no right off the bat. VH1 really wants you. They’re willing to do almost anything you want. You saw yourself what it did to Bret Michaels’ career.” Kenneth said as he took his glasses off and placed them on his desk.

Nick groaned and rubbed his eyes. He sat and stared at the orchid painting above Kenneth’s head. Everyone sat in silence for a minute waiting for him to say something. He stood up and started to walk to the door before turning and asking, “What would the title be?”

Juliette started laughing under her breath. Kenneth gave her a death glare.

 “Shape of His Heart”

With that Nick was out the door. Kenneth and Juliette just looked at one another a shrugged their shoulders. Maybe he would come around.

I stepped outside into the ninety-something degree heat, which was totally normal for Miami. A little wardrobe adjustment and an automatic starter for my car to prevent me from burning my legs on my seats made it bearable though.

I got in my car and started to drive home. It was Wednesday. Which was my favorite day…Wine Wednesday. It was something a couple of my friends and I had started once we graduated college and were thrown into the real world. Through the years, the attendance had dwindled down to my brother Andy, my best friend Lindsey and myself.

We were the only single ones left that lived in town. Which may be directly correlated to the fact we still had drink-themed days of the week.

I was alone. Single. Which ever term you chose. This did not in fact mean I was lonely, which was the common misconception of my brother. He was constantly trying to set me up with men. Most of the men were guys he had to tried to hit on before he found out they were straight. I loved getting my gay brother’s cast-offs.

I am fine with being single. I have lots of friends, a successful career, a plethora of hobbies and a closet full of Jimmy Choo’s. A boyfriend did not fit in my life at the moment.

I pulled into my driveway to find Andy and Lindsey already present. Did they not realize I didn’t lock my doors just so they could find the hidden key?

I quickly grabbed the mail, simultaneously walked up the stone walkway and skimmed through it.

Bill, bill, letter from Aunt Sherrie. Lilly Pulitzer catalog; Highlight of my week.

As I walked through the door I heard footsteps running around.

Great, they’re already drunk and playing hide-and-seek.

“Emmmm! You’re home early sissy! ” My brother exclaimed as he ran in from the hallway that conveniently lead from my bedroom.

“I’m home the same time I usually am. What are ya’ll doing?”

Lindsey popped her mess of brown hair from around the corner of my living room.

“Nothing, just seeing if you used any of the condoms we left you.” Typical.

“You left that present for me last week.”

“I know, they should be almost gone by now.” She looked at me like this was common knowledge.

I just ignored her as Andy and I walked into the kitchen. I reached into the wine cooler to pull out a bottle of wine and then got glasses for each of us.

That is when the whispering started. They were acting weird. Last time they were acting this way Andy had accidently slept with my ex-boyfriend. Well, it wasn’t an accident they slept together, just an accident he didn’t recognize him as my ex.

I walked back to the bar with wine glasses in hand and passed one to each of them while I eyed the two. Lindsey, I would go after her first. She would easily break and tell me whatever was going on.

Before I got a chance to question her Andy spoke.

“So sis, when was the last time you went out on a date?” He asked as he ran his finger around the rim of his glass.

So that’s what this was about. Ugh.

“I’m not going on a date with ANYONE from that eHarmony profile you made me Andy! I went on a date with two different guys and they were both boring lawyers that went on and on about their impressive 401k’s.”

I was really laid back. I loved going with the flow of life and making friends with everyone. But not when it came to having my love life forced upon me by my own brother.

Couldn’t he just accept that I didn’t want to date right now? I was happy and having fun.

“It’s not that…” Andy started then paused for a second.

Just as he opened his mouth to speak again Lindsey screamed, “WE SIGNED YOU UP FOR A DATING SHOW AND YOU’VE MADE IT TO THE FINAL CASTING!”

Andy looked at Lindsey like she had set fire to the factory that produced his hair gel. I, for one, couldn’t see anything except for the image of me punching both of them in the face.

“WHAT THE FUCK?!” I screamed. And once I started I couldn’t stop.

“Can you seriously ever stay out of my life? This is fucking ridiculous! It’s not like I don’t date, I go on at the very least two dates per month! How did this even happen? I'm sure this is a crime!”

“E, please calm down for a second.” Lindsey was the first one to speak. She was brave to put herself first in the line of fire.

I stopped and she continued, “It kind of started as a joke. We didn’t think you would make it this far…”

I gave her my ultimate “go to hell” look.

“I didn’t mean it that way. It’s just we were pretending to be you. You’re a really fun person. This sounded like a really fun idea.” She looked sad, like she actually had good intentions.

I turned to my brother. What was his excuse?

Luckily, he answered before I had to ask out loud, “We used you because I’m gay and it wasn’t that kind of show. Lindsey has already tried to be on a billion of these shows, so she wasn't an option."

I could already feel my anger wearing off. I wanted to still be mad. But I could always say no right? And that’s even if I made it to casting. I sat there and looked into my wine for a moment before Andy continued to talk.

“Look, I know you’re happy and everything but I think you could be so much happier with someone. You’re getting old and I don’t want your eggs shriveling up.”

Lindsey looked just as appalled as I had that he actually said that. But then again, this was my brother who was completely into appearances and had lost the filter to his mouth around the age of seven.

Lindsey looked at me and smiled, “I think you would really hit it off with the guy if you made it on the show. I’ve been doing lots of research.”

That was so her. She looked up and trusted everything on the internet. She felt like it was God speaking to her through technology.

This time I looked at Andy who had already jumped out of his bar stool.

“Guess who is on the show!! You’ll be so excited!!”

He was bouncing at this point.

“Zac Efron is too young to do a dating show.” I couldn’t apply go on that anyway, I would be seen as a pedophile. Even though he was over eighteen...yeah, I looked it up.

“NICK CARTER!!! You’ll be dating a Backstreet Boy!!” Andy was hysterical now.

The only reason I knew the Backstreet Boys were still alive was because my brother was stuck living like a thirteen year old girl from the 90’s.

That was it. He was trying to live through me. That or he had finally found his ‘in’ to meet him and try to seduce him. Even I had to admit he was good.

Bullshit. This whole thing was bullshit. I had bullshit friends and bullshit luck. Two weeks after I found out about this whole reality TV bullshit, that was another thing to add to my bullshit list, I went out with a bunch of friends to our favorite karaoke bar. Lindsey, one of my bullshit friends, decided to open her mouth and tell everyone about the show.

Unfortunately, that’s when my actions wind up next on my bullshit list. No one thought I would even make it to round three, if I even got chosen. So what do I do? I put down five hundred that I would make it to round five. Stupid stupid me.

Three days later, I found out that I made the final casting.

One week later, I’m here, riding in a dark black car. How was I going to even make it to round five? The only reason I knew anything about the Backstreet Boys was because my brother was obsessed. And I didn't live under a rock, so it wasn't like I could avoid them. I liked their music, don’t get me wrong. It just wasn’t the first CD I’d choose to listen to.

The car halted to a stop that almost threw me into the back of the seat. The driver turned around and gave me instructions to go to the front door of the plain grey building and type in a code that was written on the paper he handed to me. What was this the CIA? I don’t understand all the hoopla for a stupid reality show. It wasn’t like this was Justin Bieber or anything. I still don't understand that one.

After a bunch of paperwork and briefing on the “do’s and do not’s” of reality television, I was instructed to go out the backdoor and wait on the set for the rest of the girls to arrive and the producers. I was so not looking forward to see the other girls that willingly applied for this show.

When I walked through the back door there was a set that looked like a section of the carnival had been cut out and transplanted here. There were pink and red balloons lining a cobblestone walkway that lead to a clearing with pink bleacher-like stands. In front of the stands was a heart-shaped podium that looked like it doubled as a ticket counter with a turnstile next to it. The red carpet that led to through the turnstile, also went straight to a stream. The stream led from and toward tunnels and that was all that could been seen. Above the stream was a huge lighted sign, covered in glitter that said “Tunnel of Love”. Clever.

I walked up the walkway and saw a couple of other girls standing on the bleachers. She thought the majority looked like they were trying to imitate Stripper Barbie.

I’m not going to lie, I have a pretty rocking body. I spent a good portion growing up playing tennis and dancing. After I threw my knee out, I picked up yoga which turned all the bulky muscle I had into lean tissue. 

I was blessed with the “good genes” as my mother would say. I was tiny, five feet three to be exact and had enough curves that I didn’t look like a boy. This did not mean I felt the need to show all my goodies off to complete strangers. 

I walked up and stood next to a gorgeous, almost six foot tall girl with blonde hair that had been curled and teased to at least another six inches. She looked like she had flotation devices on her chest and her real lips matched the size and glittery color of her name tag lips. This is getting cheesier by the second.

“Hi! I’m Candy! What’s your name?”

“I’m Emily, It’s nice to meet you.” I started to shake her hand but was pulled in from a hug.

Here’s one thing you may not realize about me. I may be really sarcastic and bitchy, but that was just part of my humor. I was not raised to be rude. I have a wide variety of friends. I think everyone deserves a chance to have their goodness seen in them. Even if that “goodness” consisted of pole-dancing moves.

On with the show.

“Where are you from?” I asked. I wanted to be nice and figured this was also a good move to stay in the house.

Candy started to giggle, “Sorry, I’m just really excited! I’m from San Jose but I moved here a year or so ago once my modeling career started picking up. What do you do?”

“I own a small real estate agency in South Beach.” I was actually kind of liking this girl. Her bubbly personality was like permeating the area. She looked a little like a blow-up doll that they sell at sex stores, but she was genuinely nice so far and wasn’t nearly as dumb as I expected.

“Oh my gosh, that’s sooooo cool! What kind of houses do you build?” Okay, well she was still nice.

“I just sell houses. I don’t build them.” As I said that, the same producer that had checked me in came in front of the now filled bleachers with a microphone. He gave instructions to everyone on how to act and that we would learn more once the host came on and they would start recording. As he walked off, the host walked on which caused everyone to start screaming.

“Hi, I’m Carson Daly,” he paused to let the women continue screaming while I rolled my eyes, he continued, “I guess we’re going to start taping so just go along with everything. Be excited, it’s Nick Carter.” Wow, get a little more excited. At least you’re still getting a paycheck Carson.

There were more screams but Carson just looked really annoyed by this whole thing. He yelled for the makeup artist. They ran over and touched him up then the producer gave the cue to start rolling. Carson suddenly morphed into a charming TV host.

“I’m Carson Daly and we are about to follow these beautiful women,” he paused while the cameras panned the bleachers, “as they fight for the attention and the chance at love with the music idol that has graced the walls of teenage rooms since he was a teenager himself. Everyone let’s welcome Nick Carter!”

All the women started to scream, I followed suit. I wasn’t dumb, I knew TV cameras would be on me, plus it was kind of contagious. Just then, Nick came out on a red boat from the tunnel and stepped off. I could now see the effect he had on women…and my brother.

His smile was beautiful. I wondered if it was insured, I bet he could easily get a million dollar policy on it. Jennifer Lopez had her ass insured.

It literally sparkled and I could almost hear a little ‘ping’ from the shine. As I continued to stare at him, he started to speak.

“Ladies, it’s a pleasure. I can’t wait to meet each one of you and hopefully find that special women that completes the shape of my heart.” Everyone giggled at this, I was snapped out of my trance and wanted to gag a little at the cheesiness of the line. Clever but a little over the top.

“We have a gorgeous house to live in but unfortunately there aren’t enough spaces for all of you. So here’s the first challenge,”

All the girls gasped and some even screamed at the prospect of already going home.

Nick continued, “I travel a lot and I have to be with a women that can handle my crazy lifestyle. She has to be able to survive with only a small amount of luggage and she has to be able to leave at a moments notice. So over to this side,” he motioned to the opposite side of the bleachers and continued, “…are small suitcases with each of your names on them. You have fit all of your things into these suitcases and your purse, then make your way to the ticket counter to be checked and then on a boat to go to the house. Good luck!”

And with that Nick was back on his boat and went through the other tunnel and out of site. More small red boats came out of the other side and waited.

Girls were running everywhere.

Candy almost started crying as she dug through her three suitcases. I ran to mine and flung it open.

Thank God Andy forced me to let him help me pack.

I only had my large hobo and small suitcase. I fit all my clothes and shoes into my designated one and sat on it to zip it up. I walked toward the ticket counter with a couple of other women that were smart enough to not bring too much. I then walked onto a boat and sat down. I was actually feeling a little better about the show now. That challenge wasn’t so hard. I wondered what I had in store for me as I rode into the dark tunnel toward the other side.

If MASH were a real game, this was what you got if you won mansion.

I felt like I was walking through a thirteen year old’s dream mansion. Everything was in florescent shades, including all the oversized bean bags that served as furniture. There were vending machines lining the walls of the kitchen, filled with anything capable of sending someone into a diabetic coma.

Gag.

As I walked along the walls in the living room I noticed the wallpaper, which was the only thing not neon, was covered in “junior high-esque” doodles. The phrase “Mrs. Nick Carter 4-ever” seemed to the be the favorite and was the most repeated.

Double Gag.

The theme of the artwork in the house was pictures of Nick from TeenBop and other magazines of that nature.

Didn’t the producers think they were going a little too far with the teenybopper theme? And why would Nick Carter, an adult just go along with this?

As I stared at the décor, I heard a scream.

“Emmmmmmily! I’m so glad you made it!” Candy ran, in her four-inch, stripper fab heels. She looked like a mess. Mascara was smeared all over her face and her once perfectly teased hair looked like a little matted dog falling in her face.

I was a little a taken back by my new best friend, but was even more curious what jungle she climbed through to get here. She looked like shit.

“Are you okay?”

“Ohhh Emmm Geee, I was so freaked out by the challenge or whatever. I planned all my outfits far in advance for any and all occasions. I basically brought my life. I had no idea how I could fit all my stuff and I started crying. But then I thought about it for a second. What is worth more? True love or material possessions? I knew what I had to do then. I just put my dresses and all my bathing suits in my suitcase and left the rest.” Candy twirled a chunk of her hair as she talked.

I just nodded and looked at her for a minute. This was not real life. This girl was not real.

Candy took her arm and said, “Let’s room together. I feel like you get me. Come on!”

I just shrugged and followed her.

This was a dream and I was going to wake up soon so I might as well just go with the flow.

We went into the first empty room, which was of course, neon. Except this room did not just have a couple of posters, it was literally covered. Even the ceiling.

How was I going to sleep with all the eyes staring at me?

Hopefully, I remembered to pack my eye mask.

I crossed her fingers and began to unpack my stuff.

All the other girls were running around picking rooms. There were two sets of bunk beds in this room.

Please God, send me kind of normal roommates.

Just as I thought that, a woman that strangely, looked exactly like Miley Cyrus walked in.

Thanks for that one God.

“Are these beds taken?” She asked as she took off her leather jacket and placed it on the bottom bunk.

“Oh Em Gee,” Candy said as she turned around. I was starting to figure out this was Candy’s favorite phrase. “I’m Candy! You look just like Miley Cyrus! You’re not her right? I’m pretty sure that would be illegal.”

“Yeah I get that a lot. I’m Aspen.” She reached out to shake Candy’s hand and was pulled in for the same hug. She quickly froze.

Looks like there were now two that belonged to the “BFF’s with Candy Club”.

I reached out and shook Aspen’s hand, introduced myself and asked, “You don’t hear that name very often. Are you named after the city?”

Aspen laughed, “Yeah, my mom shacked up with some guy there and then nine months later…here I am! She was kind of a whore.” Her voice was really raspy as if she had spent a few too many nights in a bar.

A tall redhead came barreling through the doorway, “Is there one last bed in here? I’m scared I didn’t make it in time.”

“Yeah, there’s one more spot left. I’m Emily, this is Aspen and Candy.” I said as I pointed to the other girls. By this time, Aspen was laying across her bed, but managed to lift her head and wave. Candy was reapplying her makeup and trying to fix her hair.

“Hi I’m Megan!” As she introduced herself, the intercom came on with Carson’s voice, “Ladies, competition for the day has now ended. Tomorrow, we will start bright and early for the first official challenge. Please meet in the backyard at 9 am sharp!”

Carson sounded nice. We must be filming.

We talked awhile longer and they all realized one thing.

Megan was crazy. Not like crazy-fan crazy, more like seemed-normal-then-snapped crazy. She came on the show because she wanted, no wait, needed to find a husband soon. She had a timeline of how her life was suppose to be and she was way past due. She was a fan growing up but the main reason she auditioned for the show was because Nick met all her requirements for a husband.

She had a list, a physical list of twenty-something traits. I saw it with my own eyes.

Between that and the fact Nick Carter was staring directly at me from the poster on the ceiling, it was safe to say I wasn’t going to get much sleep.

I woke up screaming at the pair of eyes staring at me.

I quickly realized they belonged to the Nick poster a la Black and Blue. He really was beautiful.

I looked at the clock, 8:07am. The challenge starts in less than an hour.

As I got out of bed I saw Candy already applying one of her five coats of makeup. She looked like she was going to vomit, she seemed so nervous. Megan was busy scrambling like a mad woman around in the bathroom trying to get ready. And Aspen was still sleeping.

I dragged myself to the dorm-style bathrooms across the hall and stepped into the shower. As the hot water hit my body I wondered what the challenge was going to be.

I hoped it wasn’t athletic. Other than tennis and dance, I had zero coordination. But what I lacked in athleticism, I made up for in strategy and pure stubbornness. I hate losing with a passion, which is why I am in this mess now.

Hopefully, Nick and I click well enough for me to make it to the fifth round and I can jet out of here and collect my five hundred dollars. Hello, new shoes.

I noticed most of the girls looked like strippers, there were a couple that seemed normal. I didn’t stand out but I didn’t look like a belonged either.

I was cute. That’s what I had been told me whole life. Or pretty and sometimes beautiful. Never sexy. I felt inadequate in that field while in this house.

I turned off the water and grabbed my towel that had been hanging over the stall door. I was not about to show off my non-plastic body to these people.

I went to my room and put on the requested outfit of “cute yoga attire” for the challenge.

I towel dried my hair and decided to wear it in it’s natural waves. Who knew what we were going to do anyway. I might as well, not waste my time primping. I knew Candy would be doing enough for both of us.

I applied some make up and looked at the clock. 8:45. I looked at Aspen just now rolling out of bed. She thankfully brushed her teeth and then threw on clothes.

I wondered if she was naturally rough around the edges or was purposely like that to separate herself from Miley.

“Aspen, what do you do for a living?”

“I’m in a rock band. It’s my dream, but it doesn’t pay a lot.”

“Have you ever thought of doing impersonating for Miley?” I had a family friend that was a Tom Cruise impersonator. He made a ton of money and just had to keep up with Tom’s look.

“I’ve thought of it, but I can’t stand kids. I once did a guest appearance at the gentleman’s club my friend owns. The guys went crazy for that one.” Aspen laughed.

Oh God.

Megan ran out of the bathroom, screaming, “I’m finally ready!” She had a checklist title “To Do: Day One” in her hand. Just as she did the intercom came on and Carson announced, “Ladies, please report to the backyard now. Thank you!”

We walked outside to the large lawn. There were boxes covered with large towels that had each of our names on them.

As I walked to my box I saw Candy walk up next to me with a bikini on.

I mouthed “What the hell?” to her.

She just shrugged her shoulders and laughed as she went to her box. Then I remembered her luggage fiasco.

Carson and Nick were standing to the side of a makeshift beach, complete with an umbrella and two beach chairs.

Nick looked adorable in his neon yellow shirt and blue swim shorts. I felt like I needed a sunglasses to look at his outfit though. Carson looked like he had a giant stick shoved up his ass. Seriously, what was his problem?

Nick smiled and started speaking, “After today’s challenge, I’ll get a chance to meet and talk to everyone so don’t worry. But the winner receives the first solo date with me.” He paused as we all screamed and clapped.

“I like a girl that likes to have fun and doesn’t take life too serious. But she also has to be a little competitive. In front of each one of you is a block covered with a towel. Ladies, please remove your towels.”

We all removed our towels, the backyard was full of gasps and a couple of screams. Most of the girls knew what the ice block in front of them meant. I did not. Thank goodness the challenge wasn’t “Know-every-little-detail-of-Nick-Carter”. I would have lost.

Nick smiled and his eyes twinkled like a mischievous little boy, “If you’ve watched Nick’s Corner then you remember the bet I made with the rest of the Backstreet Boys on how long they could hold their head in a tub of ice water. This is the same except you have to sit on the block. The last one left wins.” And with that he sat down in on of the beach chairs and Carson started a timer.

“On your mark. Get set. Go!” He sat down in the chair next to Nick and the girl sat down on their blocks. I was thrilled. No really, I’m not being sarcastic this time. My sorority in college had had a field day to raise money for domestic violence and I just so happened to win the ice block challenge with six hours and forty-seven minutes. This was going to be a piece of cake. Round one, won.

-------------------------

Five hours later, I looked around. Aspen had given up two hours into the challenge. Megan was still sitting on her block but she looked as if she needed a paramedic soon. Her hands were shaking uncontrollably and she was an unhealthy shade of grey.

Candy on the other hand was perfectly content on her block sitting Indian-style doing some kind of weird chant.

There were five other girls still on their blocks. Four of the girls looked like they were barely hanging on.

Amy, a striking woman with long dark brown hair was almost as content as Candy. This wasn’t college anymore.

-------------------------

Eight hours and what felt like a 3rd degree burn later, I accepted defeat.

I was in a ton of pain. I couldn’t feel my legs anymore except for the intense on fire-feeling my ass had.

The two contestants left, Candy and Amy looked like they could run a half marathon in the Arctic naked. They were sitting right next to one another staring the other down. They started whispering but no one could hear from the makeshift beach what they were discussing.

They both started to move to get up but Amy stayed down.

“What the hell? I thought we were both going to stand up together and try to get a double date?” Candy was shrieking at the top of her lungs while Amy just laughed.

“This is win a date with Nick Carter, not win a best friend. Sorry.” Amy just continued laughing and shrugged.

Carson announced the winner and released the girls to go get changed for dinner. They were going to have a speed date-type dinner with Nick before he went with Amy on their solo.

As they walked inside Candy was still screaming, “That’s so unfair, she was the one that came up with the plan. I could have sat their all night. I had found my chi.”

“Karma’s a bitch,” and that was all Aspen said as we went to go shower.

I was beginning to like her roommates, at least they were entertainment. Expect Megan, that girl still freaked me out.

---------------------------

One hour later, I was sitting at my little round table in my favorite pink Michael Kors dress complete with my brown Manolo wedges.

I watched Nick rotate around the room, twenty minutes per table. He seemed to do the same thing at each table. Cocky smile, laugh, repeat.

He sauntered over to my table and just looked at me for a second before finally sitting down.

“Emily, right?” He asked as he took my hand and kissed it. If he wasn’t so cute I would have vomited all over his nicely tailored shirt. He was so cute though. His eyes sparkled and his smile made my stomach fill up with billions of butterflies. Snap out of it.

“Did the producers tell you to do that?”

“Oh burn. Actually, I remembered your name myself.”

“But the producers told you to kiss my hand?” I asked.

“Guilty, so why don’t you tell me about yourself instead of questioning all my moves.” Then he smiled the first genuine smile I’ve seen the whole time. That was absolutely beautiful.

“Well, Mr. Demanding. I live in South Beach and own a small real estate company. I’m a Scorpio, my favorite color is teal and I’m allergic to hay. Your turn?”

“I’m an Aquarius. I bounce around between Tampa, Nashville and LA. My favorite color is actually blue. I’m a singer and I’m not allergic to anything.”

So cute. Focus.

“So is that all I need to know about you?” This wasn’t going so bad. He was a lot funnier than I thought.

“I’m in a band, I’m not sure if you’ve heard of the Backstreet Boys?”

“Never heard of it. Are you one of those struggling musicians?” I looked at him and smirked.

He laughed a little and then continued, “Maybe I am, are you trying to crush my dreams?”

“Just promise me you’ll introduce me to the Jonas Brothers? Maybe you’ll be as good as them one day.”

Nick chocked on his water. I was so funny.

“You are interesting.” As he said that the bell rang for the round to be over.

He just got up, smiled at me and walked away.

I couldn’t let him turn me into a puddle of liquid love-sickness.

This was not going to be easy.

The next morning I wasn’t as shocked when I woke up to Nick’s eyes staring down at me. I wonder if his room was covered in posters of himself?

It was still relatively early and my sweet roomies were still sleeping. Hopefully, the rest of the house was too. Maybe I would finally get some peace in this place.

I got a cup of tea and walked outside with a book. It was a perfect seventy degrees, not a person in sight and an ocean view. I could definitely get used to this. I found a little hidden area on the opposite side of the yard and made myself comfortable.

Fifteen pages into my book, I felt someone staring. There wasn’t giggling so it wasn’t Candy. I pulled my book down slowly.

Eyes. I screamed.

“I usually get a different kind of scream.”

It was real Nick, not poster Nick.

“Sorry, but your face is about one foot from mine when I sleep. “

He looked freaking adorable with his hair ruffled. Then I glanced down at his camouflage cargo shorts. Really, are you going hunting anytime soon?

“I know, isn’t it ridiculous?” He asked as he sat down in the bean bag next to me. I quickly realized he was talking about the house and not his shorts.

I laughed a little and replied, “Yeah, it’s a bit excessive.”

He picked up my book from the ground and handed it back to me.

“Hmm, ‘Blink: How to Think without Thinking’? I would think you would be brushing up on the housing market, Ms. Real Estate Agent.” He placed his feet on the bean bag I was using for a foot rest and leaned back. Make your self at home Mr. Popstar.

“Oh heavens no. That’s boring. I got my degree in psychology, I could read this stuff all day.” I continued to ramble on about what the book was actually about, before I remembered this was Nick Carter.

“Sorry, sometimes I get carried away.” I could feel his eyes on me, probably thinking I was some weirdo.

“No, I actually thought it sounds interesting. I do read you know.”

He gently elbowed me before continuing, “Us, natural blondes have to prove the world wrong on that misconception.”

So did he think my blonde hair was natural? Or was he admitting that his wasn’t and letting me know that he knew mine wasn’t either? Why was I suddenly overanalyzing everything? And why was I still asking myself so many questions?

He was looking out at the ocean, so he probably didn’t notice my internal dialogue.

He then looked at me and asked, “Why do you sell houses if your degree is in psychology?”

“I worked for my aunt right out of college for a couple of years, then she wanted a break and handed me the business. I’ve always thought about going back to school, but it never seemed to be the right time.” I finished and took a sip of my tea.

It was something I thought about every day. I loved my job most of the time. The other times I couldn’t stand it.

“I think you should go back, the world needs more psychologists and less real estate agents.”

I laughed out loud, “You can say that again. I guess, I’m just nervous about new beginnings. It’s always easier to say you’re going to do something than to actually do it.”

Why was I sharing all of this with him?

“See you’re already sounding like a therapist.”

And with that the intercom came on announcing the first elimination in two hours.

“Dun Dun Dunnnn,” Nick made a big dramatic rise from his seat before continuing, “I better get ready to break some hearts.”

“I thought you said you would never do that?” I joked as I stood up and stretched.

“I’ll never break your heart. You’re a funny one.” He started walking toward his house on the other side of the tall hedge before turning around.

“See you later preppie.”

What the hell? How did he…? Oh yeah, I was wearing my Saved By The Bell shirt and sweatpants still.  He obviously has great taste in TV. Well, maybe not this show.

Cute, you’re real cute Mr. Carter.

After my shower, I walked back toward my room to start and get ready. I noticed two of the girls, Lacey and Kelsey sitting in a corner. They were alternating between hurried whispers and glances back at me. Something wasn’t right and I wasn’t thinking about their nose jobs either. But Lacey’s really wasn’t that great.

The cast had a chance to briefly get to know each other while we were waiting on the bleachers, but after the elimination, we were suppose to have a mixer with everyone and Nick.

Lacey reminded me of Lindsay Lohan or Kate Moss. She was looked like a cracked-out, emaciated, out of work model…no offense.

I always feel the need to add that when I’m thinking or saying something rude. It’s weird how adding that phrase seems to make it something completely inappropriate, okay.

Anyway, Lacey didn’t have a job. She is also proud of this. I’m not sure how I feel about her, she is just one of those people that is too sugary sweet to be real. Kelsey on the other hand was just a plain bitch and she didn’t tried to hide it.  She always had to be the center of attention. She already drove me nuts.

As I walked back into my room I saw Candy sitting in front of the mirror.

“Oh my goshhhhh, I am just so nervous! Aren’t you Emmy!? Do you think I’m pretty enough? Do you think he liked me? I’m so upset I lost the challenge! That Amy was just so mean!”

Where did she hold all the oxygen to say all that in one breath? Oh yeah, probably her boobs.

“Candy, I don’t think you have anything to worry about,” I said as I tried to reassure her.

Megan was running around frantically waving a checklist around again. Aspen was MIA.

As I looked through my dresses, I felt knots start to form in my stomach. It must be finally setting in that I’m going to have to explain to people why I’m on this dumb show. It can’t be because I actually care about it. Nope.

I settled on a short silk Lilly Pulitzer sheath that was in a tropical print. I loved everything Lilly Pulizter made.  Bright and classic, which was exactly like me.

After forty-five minutes, the intercom came on.

“Ladies, please make your way down to the elimination room. Elimination will begin in fifteen minutes. Thank you.”

That sounded like TV Carson, so it was definitely going to be aired.

Everyone was so nervous, you would have thought we were backstage at a beauty pageant. My mother loved to force me to compete when I was in junior high. Thank goodness I stopped growing and was deemed “too short” soon after. But my mother is another story like appropriate for Lifetime or an episode of Oprah.

We walked to the room and I immediately wanted to throw up. This was beyond stupid. The room was entirely silver with black risers against one side of the room, we each had a designated spot complete with large glitter pink lips bedazzled with our names. Our names light up. Awesome.

The other side of the room was the best, or worst part, depending on who you asked. The whole wall was no longer there and instead replaced with a replica of the whole side of the plane from the “I Want It That Way” video shoot. I know this because Andy prepped me heavily before I left. There were stairs leading up into the plane, that I could only imagine lead to the outside world.

I wishfully sighed.

To the side the plane was a small stage complete with a single spotlight and a velvet rope going all the way around it. Two large men dressed like the Secret Service were standing on either side of the stage. Hmm, I didn’t realize a Backstreet Boy was suddenly on the same level as the president. It’s not 1999 anymore.

The girls were all filling in and walking to their designated spot as Carson stormed in.

He started yelling to some crew people or probably just everyone, “So I’m going to have to prep them? I’m a host, not a life coach. I don’t get paid enough to do this!”

“You’re lucky you’re getting paid at all, “ I mumbled to no one. I heard Aspen laugh behind me.

I guess she didn’t escape like I thought.

Carson started talking to us about being okay to let our emotions out during filming. Blah blah blah. I stopped listening after that.

Then Nick walked in. Boy could wear a suit. Damn.

Then TV Carson came on. I stood up straighter and uncrossed my arms. Thanks for letting me know we were filming Carson.

“Ladies, this is the unfortunate part of the show. Sadly, one of you will have to leave tonight and we will be down to ten. If Nick calls your name, please come down to the stage and accept your platinum CD then take your place back on the stands.”

He smiled and stepped further to the side as Nick stepped in to the spotlight. Why did I suddenly felt like a thirteen year old? Or I guess, my brother.

“It really has been wonderful meeting and getting to know all of you. I truly see beauty in all of you but I can only pick one girl to show the shape of my heart.”

I’d like to see the shape of something else all right.

As he started to name off some of the girls I noticed Lacey fidgeting and looking around nervously. Obviously, we were all nervous, but she looked extra nervous. I gently nudged Candy who was standing next to me and pointed at Lacey.

“I’m really fascinated by this girl. She’s definitely not what I’m used to dating. Aspen, please come accept your CD,” Nick announced.

Just as Aspen started walking toward Nick, I saw Lacey fumble around with her dress. I nudged Candy again and just I did that I saw a gleam of silver shine in the light.

Seconds later, Lacey was running full speed toward the stage.

Out of nowhere, Candy came barreling around from the opposite side of the room and tackled Lacey. I felt like I was at a football game.

“Holy Shit!” I yelled. This was the most excitement I’ve seen all week.

Dang it, my mother was going to be beyond pissed that I’m caught cussing on screen.

For a couple of seconds no one said a word. Then security stormed the place, Nick and Carson just stood in shock, Aspen was an inch away laughing and Candy was screaming.

“You have a knife! You were going to hurt my blonde god! You are an evil person!” Candy continued to scream as security pulled the two apart.

“I was not you dumbass! Aspen slept with my husband! She was getting payback!” As Lacey screamed, we all stood in shock and then directed our eyes as Aspen.

She just smirked.

We were instructed to wait as the producers discussed whatever it was that just happened. Soon Candy came back to her spot and looked relieved.

“I just saw that knife and immediately thought the worst,” she admitted. This girl was awesome. I wanted her on my flag football team…oh wait, there’s no tackling.

“Well, Lacey obviously disqualified herself from the show, so there will be no other elimination. Nick, would you like to continue to pass out the CD’s?” Carson explained. I actually couldn’t tell if it was TV Carson or Real Carson speaking.

Nick continued to call girls up, including Candy, which he thanked for trying to save his life. So much for those Secret Service guys.

“Emily, there’s a lot that I want to get to know about you. Would you please accept your CD?” He smiled that cute little smile that made my feet turn to concert.

Right foot. Left foot. Right foot. Left foot. Until I was standing it front of him.

“If I said no, I’m sure I would be the next one with a concussion,” I said as I smiled at him.

He laughed, and hugged me. My whole insides melted. Not a big deal.

As I walked by to my spot, I looked at my shoes and was instantly reminded why and how I was here.

I had a feeling that thirteen year-old me was about to fight twenty-nine year old me every step of the way.

It was the next morning after a short night’s sleep and I was cranky.

Immediately after elimination we were suppose to have a casual mixer with everyone. Instead, thanks to Crazy McCrazypants, we had to spend the whole night doing IDI’s.

IDI’s stands for In Depth Interviews; there’s your tidbit of TV jargon.

The producer will interview us, separately, about everything dealing with the show. It doesn’t sound bad, except if you don’t have anything juicy or bitchy to say, they just sit there for hours asking you questions constantly until they feel they have enough footage.

Oh the joys of reality TV.

I used last night’s IDI as an opportunity to express my opinion on why I don’t understand women fighting because of a guy. Hello, he’s the one that cheated on you, not her.

I was also the only one that even noticed that Lacey shouldn’t be on a dating show if she was still married. I think Dan, the producer, gave me brownie points for the tirade I went on about that one and let me go early.

I was jarred from my thoughts as the intercom reminded us that today’s challenge started in forty-five minutes on the front steps of the mansion.

The production assistant came around to inform us that we were to dress for ‘strenuous physical activity’.

Great. I was not about to climb a mountain for this guy.

Two hours later, our vans dropped us off at exactly that…a mountain. Okay, so it was actually some hills, close enough.

Nick and Carson stood to the side as we stepped out. I swear Carson looked happy for once.

I kept thinking about why he was happy. Maybe he got a girlfriend? Or boyfriend? Probably that one.

Then my stomach immediately dropped. He hated us and this show, so I’m sure we were about to get tortured. Or whatever the legal equivalent to that was.

I was happy to see Nick not wearing those hideous camo shorts. Instead he had on jeans and a white shirt. Way to get creative with your wardrobe choices, Nick.

I still wanted to do things to him that TV was not meant to capture.

“I’m happy to see all of you today. I’ve taken the past couple of years to better myself health-wise and emotionally. If I’m going to date someone, they need to be willingly to improve as well. Today’s challenge is all about baggage and how you handle it,” as Nick said that Carson stepped up.

He was almost giddy.

“Shortly, you’ll each get a clipboard with a short survey. You all will have ten minutes to fill it out. Then wait for further instructions.”

With that we were handed our surveys that consisted of questions that we could either answer yes or no to.

1.) I have had a difficult relationship/break up in the past two years.

Nope. So far this wasn’t that bad. I moved on to the next question.

2.) I have unresolved issues concerning a past relationship.

I was almost thirty, duh.

3.) I often feel pressure from my family and/or friends to fit in a mold.

Oh hey, looks like they were thinking about my mother when they wrote this one. Next question.

4.) I have a supportive relationship with my parents.

I have a supportive relationship with one parent. I guess I’ll just put no.

5.) I have a supportive group of friends I can turn to.

At least I’m good at friendships.

6.) I often worry about my future.

I wrote yes and quickly handed my survey in. My bad mood was now magnified.

I didn’t sign up for therapy, in fact I didn’t even sign up for this show.

I sulked to the side while the others finished, they all looked just as happy as I did. Once the last person finished, Carson stepped forward and started talking.

“Depending on how you answered each question, you were either award no weight or five pounds,” as he said this, he stepped to the side to reveal backpacks for each of us.

As the backpacks were filled with weights, Carson continued, “Once you get your backpack, you will each start a three mile hike. But remember what Nick said, it’s not the amount of baggage but how you handle it.”

“I’ll see you ladies at the end and you’ll find out how each of you did in the challenge.” Nick ended.

With that, we all started walking toward the trail that wound up the hill. There were arrows with our names at certain forks in the road, so after about five minutes we were alone minus our respective cameramen.

It was hot and I had an extra twenty pounds on my back. I was pissed.

I was even more upset at that survey. Of course it brought up issues I liked to keep buried deep down inside. I could see now that was the whole point.

I thought about the relationship I had with my mother.  I loved her, don’t get me wrong, but I didn’t like her. She was cold and judgmental. She grew up in the day where women were seen and not heard, especially in our upper class world.

Instead of playing games with me or helping me with my homework, she was scheduling luncheons and fundraisers. I was just expected to go from one after school activity to the next.

And to grow up exactly like her.

Obviously that didn’t happen, for which I’m thankful. But that hasn’t stopped me for wanting her approval.

I continued to walk up the hill. I was sweating and my knee was aching. Years ago, I blew it out skiing and it has never been the same. That was when I had to stop dancing competitively.

I think that was definitely when the divide between my mother and I grew too wide to repair. To her, ballet was an impressive ‘sport’ in our society and one of the few things we both loved.

Something my Aunt Annie loved as well. My mother’s sister was the ‘me’ of her family. She was much more of a free spirit. We were always so close, until she passed away from cancer.

I guessed I was beginning the second mile and by this time the tears I usually had locked away started flowing.

I just missed her. And sometimes I wished she were here instead of my mother. I always felt worse for thinking this, but I couldn’t help it. She wouldn’t be constantly reminding me that I needed to find a husband or pointing out every little thing about me that she didn’t approve of.

I wasn’t even a rebel growing up. I was always the ‘perfect southern belle’ and other than not being married and cursing way too much, I still am.

I saw the end of the trail far in the distance and tried my tears. I reminded myself that I really was happy. There were people that didn’t have a family. I definitely shouldn’t be throwing myself a pity party.

Stupid baggage exercise.

When I arrived, there were a couple girls already back. Candy looked content but tired. Aspen and Kelsey didn’t even look like they broke a sweat. Megan was already going on and on about finishing first. Amy just sat of to the side with an angry look on her face.

I took my backpack off and sat down on the side to wait for the others.

Soon I saw two of the girls I didn’t know as well both come up their respective trails.

Jo was a little taller than me and had long brown hair. All I really knew about her was that she taught kindergarten in Chicago. She pretty much kept to herself.

Landry did not keep to herself at all. She was the self-proclaimed ‘super fan’ and I wasn’t about to fight her on that title. She liked to remind us constantly every little fact about Nick and the Backstreet Boys and how she needed to win. What home girl needed was some Xanax most of the time.

We waited for a couple of minutes as Brittany walked up. She mostly kept to herself like Jo. But I have walked past her room and heard her screaming at Kelsey for taking her vitamins without asking a couple of times. I didn’t really want to get on her bad side.

After her, followed the last one, Cindy. She was a shorter, not so pretty version of Candy. I never saw her without a piece of gum in her mouth. She was just another wannabe in Los Angeles.

Carson and Nick soon motioned for us to gather round.

“All of you did a great job, but there can only be one winner to go on a one-on-one date. What you may not have realized is that this wasn’t a race-“

Megan complete started a temper tantrum over his little speech, “What!? I wouldn’t have ran the whole way if I would have known that!”

Carson motioned for him to continue, “Anyway, the challenge was about how you handled the extra weight you had. Carson and I were watching the footage and decided a winner based on that.”

Megan continued to pout, most of the girls perked up a little at the thought of a chance at still winning the challenge.

“Kelsey and Aspen, you two both decided to quit the hike, to me that makes me wonder if you would just give up if we had problems,” Nick said as the camera moved to them. Aspen rolled her eyes and Kelsey jumped into the defend herself.

“I twisted my ankle. I didn’t quit. And I wouldn’t give up if we were together.”

“Kelsey, please let Nick continue,” Carson sternly said. Looks like old Carson was back.

“With that, the runner up is Emily. It seemed like you were considering your life and pushing through it what seemed like knee problems,” Nick paused to allow me to speak while everyone looked at me.

“Yep, that was me, just crying up a hill. Thanks.” I didn’t really know what to say.

He smiled at me and kept talking, “It was apparent that the winner for today was really struggling to push through issues. You had to stop a couple times to regain yourself just you kept pushing and finished strong. Congratulations, Jo.” As he said that Jo’s eyes lit up and she walked toward Nick for a hug.

I saw her thank him as a couple of tears rolled down.

Well at least it was someone that seemed nice…or a good actress.

With that we all got into the vans and headed back to the house. 

It was three am and I still couldn’t go to sleep. I had been tossing and turning in bed since midnight. This was useless.

I quietly got up and went outside. The sky was completely clear and a full moon brightly lit up the sky.

I looked up for a couple of seconds then walked around to the same spot that I spent the other morning reading at. It was hidden away from the rest of the yard so I felt a tiny bit of privacy.

I laid down on the grass and stared up at the sky. I wasn’t really thinking of anything. I actually felt better after the challenge. I didn’t cry on a regular basis, so this afternoon felt like a little spring cleaning of emotions. Meaning I wasn’t due for another session anytime soon.

I closed my eyes for a moment before I heard the grass shuffle next to me.

“You know, you looked like a dead body from my window.”

“Do you use that line to charm all the women?”

Nick picked a spot next to me and laid down.

“Sixty percent of the time it works every time,” he replied with a quote from Anchorman.

“You stay classy, Backstreet Boy,” I replied as we started laughing.

We laughed for a couple of seconds before he asked, “So what are you doing out here?”

“I have insomnia. I used to do this growing up. There’s something so calming about staring up at the stars. Well, in this case, staring up at the layer of smog.”

“You did this in Miami?”

“Oh heavens no, I grew up in Texas, a little town called Fredrickberg,” I said using my best ‘Texas Twang’.

“Oh heavens no! I do declare!” Nick was speaking in a ridiculous Scarlett O’Hare-esque voice. Um, hello wrong state.

I gently shoved him as I laughed. Yep, those feel like muscles. Not really great or anything…

“So can I ask you a personal question?”

“Go for it,” I replied as I folded my hands on my stomach.

“What’s the story behind today with the challenge?” He said, obviously referring to my tear fest.

I told him all about my mother and my aunt. I had no idea why I was being so open with him. It had to be his good looks making my brain not work or something.

Nick was silent for a moment before he finally spoke, “I often wonder if we’re given our family in order to teach us.”

Who knew a guy in a boy band could be so insightful? Definitely not me. I was starting to think maybe I had this preconceived idea of who he was before I even got here.

“I completely agree. Do you ever feel like maybe you are who you are because of your parents or in spite of them?”

Nick let out a long sigh. If I looked over, I swear I would see him scratching his chin. But I was already struggling to keep this newfound nervousness in check. I doubt looking at him would help.

He finally started to speak, “I really think that a lot of the things I did in my past were in spite of my mom, but who I am now is because of her.”

“Honestly, I could have never guessed you were this philosophical. It’s a pleasant surprise,” I admitted.

He nudged me and I turned to see him wink at me before replying, “I’m full of surprises.”

He continued, “And I think you are too.”

“Yes, I’m an onion of many layers.”

Somehow we got in a ridiculous exchange of random facts about one another. I think it had been going on for an hour. Nick was trying to convince me that G.I. Joe counted when I asked what kind of Barbie he would be. As I listened to him I noticed how tired I was.

“Agree to disagree. But you can have the last question. I’ll need to get my beauty sleep if I’m to win your heart tomorrow,” I smirked.

“And it will be a doozy.”

He laughed a little before continuing, “Okay okay, uhh…if you could be any animal what would you be and why?”

“Ooh I totally have this one! I would be a panda because they’re-“

“About to be extinct?” Nick interrupted.

“Hey now, it’s my turn then you can answer whatever your little heart desires,” I paused to look at him.

He zipped up his lips with his fingers.

“Anyway, I would be a panda because they’re cute but they’re bears, so they can still rip your face off. But they cool part is that they spend at least 16 hours a day laying down eating.”

“You would spend your whole day eating?”

“I just really like pandas. Your turn mister.” I crossed my arms and let him answer. He better have a great answer if he was going to judge mine.

“I would be a butterfly…”

Before I could start laughing, he held up his finger and continued, “Because they spend half their life as a caterpillar then grow into something beautiful, and I feel like I’m finally turning into a butterfly.”

I waited to make sure he was completely done before erupting in laughter.

“I have to give you props on your reasoning but a butterfly? You sure you don’t want to be a lightening bug so you can light up the world?”

“Don’t be hating on my answer, it was metaphorical.” He held a straight face for about five seconds before breaking into a smile.

A beautiful smile… beautiful like a butterfly.

I broke into laughter again.

Nick stood up and offered me his hand. I took it and swear I felt a spark.

“You shocked me,” he said as he pulled me up.

Oh that’s what that was. Nevermind.

“Is the wittle butterfly going to be okay?” I joked.

“Ha. Ha.”

And then the awkward moment began.

We stood there for a second before he finally broke the ice.

“I’ll make sure to look out the window for a dead body tomorrow night.”

“I’ll be sure to keep that in mind.” Suddenly I was shy. Look what this man was doing to me.

I started to walk away before turning to glance at him. He was doing the same. I waved.

What the hell? I waved? I was a completely moron.

As I walked to my room, I passed the bathroom as Kelsey was walking out.

“Where were you?” Someone was in a pissy mood.

“I was sitting outside.”

“Why?” What was this woman’s issue?

“I couldn’t sleep. I’ll make sure to report to you next time.” Don’t ruin my giddy mood.

She huffed off toward her room as I walked to mine. I already lucked out by catching Nick when we weren’t filming. Rumor had it that there were a lot of concessions made to get Nick to do this show. And not filming 24/7 was one of them. I just didn’t want everyone else finding out. I was doing fine at flying under the radar so far.

The last thing I needed were the claws coming out at my expense.

And besides, we just talked. It wasn't as if we were planning our wedding.

My alarm went off a couple hours later. I quickly shut it off and slipped out of bed before the others woke up. I shuffled to the kitchen to have my morning cup of tea.

As I stared out the window sipping on my tea, I noticed I felt different. For one, I was wide awake after sleeping maybe three hours. I felt like I could hike up that hill again. Okay, maybe that’s a bit of an over exaggeration.

But the real difference I felt was that being stuck in this house and on this show didn’t seem like such a burden anymore. I was actually excited for the challenge today.

Well after the elimination. Apparently, Carson had “prior obligations” and had to leave yesterday right after our hike so we had to cram in both in today.

I had many theories on where he actually was, but I hoped it was to see a doctor to get that sick surgically removed from his ass.

I guess my newfound appreciation didn’t reach enough to include him.

I rinsed out my cup and walked back to my room to start getting ready.

I swear every time I walked in that room, it was like another episode of our own reality show.

Megan was currently doing squats while Eminem was blaring out of her headphones. Candy was wearing a bikini and screaming hysterically at her. And Aspen was still sleeping.

I tapped Candy on the shoulder, “What is going on?”

“Oh em gee! Thank god you’re here Emmy. You can talk some sense into this crazy person. She keeps playing that angry music when I’m trying to get in my happy place,” she wined to me as if I was her mother and she was tattling on a sibling.

Before I even had a chance to answer her, Megan took her headphones off.

“Look, I was a half pound away from my target weight. I have to get this off before elimination.”

What I wanted to tell was that I was sure the decision was already made so she probably should have lost that half pound yesterday. But I was also scared of her, so I kept quiet.

But I didn’t even have to say anything if I wanted to because Candy was busying screaming about how crazy she was.

Weren’t you the one that tackled a woman two days ago? I just grabbed a towel and walked off toward the shower.

“EMMY! Aren’t you going to do something!?” Candy screamed after me.

I just kept walking.

Forty minutes later I found an empty corner of expansive vanity area. I happily singing along with my girl T-Swift while curling my hair.

“Everyone, elimination is set to begin in 20 minutes. See you there!” The intercom announced.

I teased my hair and assaulted it with hairspray, then fluffed again for good measure. Like we say at home, ‘higher the hair, closer to God’.

I walked up next to Aspen as we looked in our shared closet trying to decide what to wear. I was leaning toward my blue Diane von Furstenberg one-shoulder dress, I guessed Aspen was stuck between black dress number one and black dress number two. I guess if you found what worked.

“Someone is in a good mood today. It doesn’t have anything to do with not being able to sleep last night does it?” Aspen smirked at me.

“Uhh, not at all. Why would you say that?” I stammered out.

She just looked at me and smiled, “No reason.”

She just picked up some black boots and waltzed out before announcing she was going to go smoke. What did she know? I could have sworn I saw her in bed when I left last night. But was she there when I got back? I couldn’t remember, I was too wrapped up in my own nighttime rendezvous.

I wasn’t scared of Aspen hurting me, but what if she told someone? What if the other girls found out? It wasn’t even that big of a deal, but I knew they would kill me. I really didn’t want to wake up and find Megan’s eyes staring at me instead of Poster-Nick’s.

I would just have to stay away from Aspen.

With all these thoughts swirling through my head, I started to get nervous. I was starting to pace a little as I waited for Candy to finish getting ready so we could walk to the elimination room together.

“That’s so cute! Emmy, you’re nervous. I’ve never seen you like this!” She said as she hugged me and finished, “Don’t worry, you’ll be fine. You almost won the challenge silly.”

We entered the elimination room and quickly went to our places while the production team were bustling about.

Nick walked in wearing his ‘elimination’ outfit; black pants, white button-up shirt and black jacket. He looked around before he saw me and winked.

If I ever had a chastity belt, that wink would have unlocked it in a second.

I smiled and then quickly looked around to see if anyone saw. Candy was standing next to me with her eyes closed. Jo was standing across the room picking her nails. Kelsey and Landry were busy talking to one another. The others had yet to arrive. Safe so far.

Carson walked in with a surprised look on his face. I quickly looked around thinking that maybe a boob had pooped out or something. Everything was normal.

The rest of the girls started shuffling in and taking their places. One of the production assistants went on with their usual mumbo jumbo. Carson still looked surprised. What the heck was going on?

All of a sudden it hit me. Carson got Botox yesterday! No wonder he had that look on his face, it was stuck. I wished I could tell someone right then. Aspen would find it hilarious. Oh wait, I had decided I was avoiding her.

I was totally talking all about this in my IDI’s later tonight.

I was half paying attention as we went through the same spill as last time. I was mostly laughing to myself as Carson’s frozen face spoke.

I was pulled out of my daze when Nick called my name to come get my CD.

Oh yeah, there was an elimination ceremony going on. I slowly walked down toward Nick and accepted my CD as he pulled me in for a hug.

He smelled amazing. Like soap and man. That sounded stupid even inside my head. This is what Nick Carter was starting to do to my brain.

I walked back and noticed a lot of the others already had their CD’s. I apparently was zoned out for most of the ceremony.

He called up Candy and Landry then was down to the last two.

Megan and Amy.

Shit was about to hit the fan regardless of the outcome.

“The both of you ladies are beautiful and have a great personality but I can only keep one,” he paused to pretend he was in a meaningful thought for the camera.

“Megan please come down here and accept your CD.” Before he could even give what I could only guess was an explanation for Amy she went on a rampage.

“What the fuck!? I won the first challenge! I thought we had a great time on our date. I even told you that I wasn’t wearing panties as a reminder of what you get on the next one!” She screamed.

Well that was a little TMI.

Carson came up to her and escorted her off stage. Nick shook his head while one of the producer pulled him off to the side.

While the rest of us snickered at Amy’s confession, a production assistant came in front and instructed us to go change and make sure we changed our hair and make up so it didn’t look like the same day. Thanks for informing me after I used a half a can of hairspray.

I walked off to go and try to brush through my hair and put it in a braid.

Never a dull day as a reality show contestant.

After quickly brushing through some of the hairspray I managed to get my hair into a fishtail braid. I headed to the tentative calendar to see what to wear for the challenge. The word tentative is used extremely loosely around this place. Things changed here anytime Carson had had the slightest inkling of a wrinkle. You would think he was the star.

Challenge #3: Chic loungewear, no shoes necessary. Event will take place solely indoors.

Chic loungewear? Kind of an oxymoron if you asked me. I changed into a pair of linen pants and purple v-neck and went on my way into the living room.

As I walked in, most of the girls were in low cut tank tops and tight booty shorts. Oh so by chic, they meant skanky. I’ll note that for future reference.

I found a spot next to Landry, on the couch and waited for the others to file in.

“So, you feel good about this challenge?” I asked her.

“I just hope it’s a trivia one. I know everything about Nick. Which is why I’m a little surprised he’s doing this show. It just seems so beneath him now that he’s finally cleaned up his life. But then again, I heard that his next solo album is like pure pop. He obviously forgot he’s more into rock.” She babbled on and on.

What was this girl’s deal? Was she his life coach?

“Wow, you see to know a lot about him,” I might have been egging her on at this point just to see what else would come out of her mouth.

“I was the first fan that he followed on Twitter, so obviously he’s in love with me after reading my posts about him. One of the production assistants told me that he personal chose me to do this show,” she paused then looked at me and continued, “Oh, I didn’t even think how I’m probably breaking your heart now that you know I’ve already won this show.”

Yes, Cookoo bird, you crushed my soul. How will I ever go on?

Thank goodness Landry’s biggest fan, Nick walked in with Carson. I really don’t know how he had the self-control to not leap into her arms every time.

Carson motioned for us to get quiet before he started to talk, “Ladies, congratulations on making it to the final nine. The last couple of challenges focused on more physical ability, but today we’ll be testing your mental abilities, as well as allowing you to showcase some of your personalities.”

I think it’s safe to say that I was on the high end of the learning curve with this group.

Nick stepped forward in jeans and a shirt that had a man sitting on a recliner with the words “American Idle”. Just because you’re hot, doesn’t mean you can still pull this stuff off. Between that shirt and some of the outfits these girls wore, you would think hiring a stylist would be a priority.

“Anyone that knows me knows how important humor is to me. I love laughing and making people laugh. Today’s challenge is all about parodies.”

He stepped to the side and Carson began to give instructions, “You will each be a in group of three and will have three hours to rewrite any song you wish, Backstreet or not into a parody.”

Nick set down a giant fishbowl filled with paper in front of him on a table.

“Jo, since you won the last challenge you’ll get to choose your team first. please come up and pull two pieces of paper from the bowl,” He said.

Jo walked up and tentatively pulled a piece of paper out of the bowl.

“Landry”

Landry jumped up and down and walked down to join Jo. Jo reached in to grab another slip.

Please don’t say my name, please don’t say my name, please don’t say my name.

“Megan”

Megan walked down and stood with her team. She didn’t look happy or sad. Now that I think about it, I don’t think I ever saw her experience either emotion.

“Now I would like Emily to come up choose her team since she was runner-up,” Nick said.

I walked up and pulled a name out. I looked at it and released a sigh filled with relief and dread.

“Aspen”

She walked up as I pulled another slip of paper out.

“Kelsey”

I was ambivalent about that choice but hoped she wouldn’t be a complete bitch for the next three hours.

My team stepped to the side as Nick walked up again.

“That leaves Brittany, Cindy and Candy left. I’ll meet you in three hours. With that, gotta go!” He said before laughing at himself.

The room split into three and went to claim a spot in the house.

Landry or Cookoo Bird, as I will know think of her, took her group upstairs to one of the bedrooms. I thought I heard Brittany mention going to the bar with her group. I didn’t really think drinking was a good idea in this case, but who was I to judge.

We went over to one of the large bay windows overlooking the backyard and got comfortable in our neon beanbags.

Suddenly, a light bulb went off in my head before we even began.

“Hey, Aspen do you have your guitar here by any chance?” I asked nervously. I knew she wouldn’t be keen on my idea.

She peered at me before answering, “Yes, why?”

“Well, I had this idea-“

Before I could continue, Kelsey butted in, “I’m glad ya’ll got this under control. I have a huge headache so I’m going to go outside and take a nap. Come wake me up when you need me.”

With that, she walked off. I guess we were a duo.

“Anyway, I was thinking that we should take advantage of the fact you look like Miley Cyrus.”

“You mean that Miley Cyrus looks like me. And the answer is no.” She crossed her arms and stared me down.

“Hear me out. I know the other groups will pick a Backstreet Boys song. We could do an acoustic version of one of her songs,” I pleaded.

“I’m trying to get away from that connection. This isn’t going to help my case.”

She didn’t say no. I was making progress.

“It’ll be a little different. Do you really want to be like the other groups and do some cutesy version of a Backstreet Boys song? This will totally show off your musical talent.”

I saw her face relax and she appeared to be mulling it over. Come on Aspen…

I had completely forgotten about this morning’s conversation and how I was planning on avoiding her.

Winning was more important at this point. I would deal with what she knew later.

“Fine, let’s figure out what song and you need to get me some sheet music. This better not be stupid shit.”

It was a Miley Cyrus song, of course it was going to be stupid. But I wasn’t about to tell her that. I jumped up and hugged her.

She quickly froze and pulled away before adding, “Hurry, let’s figure out the song. I want to go smoke while you’re getting the music.”

“Party in the USA,” I answered immediately.

Honestly, that was the only song by her I knew, but it was my guilty pleasure. It was so bubblegum and catchy.

Aspen just shrugged and walked to the backyard while I went off to find the lyrics and sheet music.

Three hours and many pieces of paper later, we all met up again in the living room. We tried to find Kelsey and was informed that she was “sick” with a migraine and would be sitting out of the challenge.

Nick began talking to the group, “I’m really excited to hear what you’ve come up with. The winning group will be accompanying me on a dinner date. Let’s get started!”

Everyone got comfortable as the Brittany, Candy and Cindy stumbled on the stage that was stationed in the center of the room. The stage was silver, complete with a backdrop covered in hearts with Nick’s face in the center.

Everyone else started whispering as Cindy almost fell over walking up. They were all wearing black corsets, neon bras, fishnets and black stilettos. They each had a cane.

I just held my breath as Brittany started talking into the mike.

“Wassup bitchessss! This song is all about how fucking hot Nick is. Get ready for the time of your lives.” As she said that, the group went to take their place on stage with their backs to us.

Everyone off stage looked around at each other. Aspen looked at me from across the couch and I made a drinking motion with my hand. They had some juices flowing, we were about to find out if it was the creative kind.

This was about to be a show for sure.

Music started as the girls began to sway their hips. I instantly recognized the song. It was my brother’s favorite and he had constantly played it in the car.

“If you want it to be good boy

Get yourself a bad girl

Yeah I like this”

All three of them turned around and started thrusting at the canes in front of them while they sang. Brittany stepped up to the front as the Candy and Cindy began to bend over and do whatever it is that strippers do.

“If you want it to be wild

Gotta know just who to dial baby (that's me)

If you really like it hot

Find someone who hits the spot honey (oh yes)”

Brittany sang in Nick’s direction as she bent down and began crawling on the stage before throwing herself back and running her hands down her body.

There were some collective gasps. My eyes just opened wider as my jaw dropped to the ground. This was quickly moving from PG-13 to NC-17. I looked over at Nick and Carson, both of whom looked extremely uncomfortable. Taking a second look, Carson looked like he was slightly enjoying it.

Cindy moved to the front of the stage as Brittany stepped back and danced with Candy.

“And if you want to get us done

Babe you gotta be the one

The one who's got it goin' on

If you wanna make it last

Gotta know just who to ask

Babe I’ve gotta be the best (tonight it's me)”

As Cindy sang, she dropped down and inched back up. She then turned around shook her butt and smacked it. At this point, Candy and Brittany were giggling and dancing on one another while stumbling every once in awhile.

“If you want it to be good boy

Get yourself a bad girl

If you really want it good boy

Get yourself a bad girl

Get it like it could be, would be

Yeah like it should be

If you want it to be good boy

Get yourself a bad girl”

At this point they were all singing and the choreography was thrown out the window. Toward the end, Brittany pushed Candy over and starting thrusting at her from behind. This was not TV appropriate, even for VH1.

The music stopped and we all just sat there with our mouths gaped open. Carson was laughing, Nick was sitting there with his hands covering his face and the three girls were stumbled to the front of the stage to hear comments from Nick and Carson.

It took a couple of seconds before either Nick or Carson were able to speak.

“Um, that was really creative and entertaining to say the least. Are you ladies professional dancers?” Carson asked.

Thankfully, the girls were too drunk to get what he meant by the term dancers.

Candy just replied, “No, we just like to have fun!”

“Nick, what did you think?” Carson turned to ask him.

“I’m speechless. I don’t think I’ll ever think of that song in the same light again.”

The girls just staggered off stage and sat down.

Carson then called Jo’s group on stage. They were wearing normal clothes, so that was promising. Landry stood forward while, Jo and Megan stood in the back.

Music started playing. I was familiar with the song, but I couldn’t pin point the name.

Landry started singing.

“It takes a lot to know all about you

It's not the big things, but the little things

That can mean enough

Like your favorite color is really blue

And there is never a day that passes by

I don't think of you

You were always singing to me

Loving me and holding me

Always waiting for me”

Landry was completely tone deaf but thought she was God’s gift to music. Suddenly, Nick’s shirt made sense with the challenge. Okay, it wasn’t that bad anymore.

“You showed me

Just how you like your food

You showed me

How to put you in a good mood

You showed me

Just how to please you always

Cuz Nick I’ve always been

The perfect fan”

I wanted to look around to see if I was the only one that was one hundred percent creeped out by this song.

“God has been so good

Blessing me with a man

Who will make me a wife

And I've had many years of grace

And it flatters me when I see a smile on your face

I wanna thank you for what you've done

In hopes I can give back to you

And be the perfect wife”

The perfect wife? What the hell? Who was this woman? I looked at Nick and he had a very uncomfortable smile on his face. The song from the more Jeepers Creepers popped into my head.

“You showed me how to love

You showed me how to care

And you showed me that you would always be there

I wanna thank you for that time

And I'm proud to say you will be mine”

It was apparent at this point that Jo and Megan were only there for back up. This was Cookoo Bird’s solo declaration of love for someone she claimed earlier to me that already loved her.

The look on his face didn’t scream love to me.

“Cuz Nick I’ve always been,

Nick I’ve always been

Nick I’ve always been

You know I’ve always been

Cuz Nick I’ve always been... the perfect fan

I love you Nick”

Everyone clapped as they finished.

“That was great, you really feel strongly about me. I can tell. Uhh, good job,” Nick uncomfortably stammered out.

Carson quickly took the reins, “I was sad to not see the rest of the group showcased, but it was a sweet song. Not really the idea of a parody though.”

Landry just shot him a death glare while he rolled his eyes. The group went to sit down.

Carson called us up. Aspen and I each had a stool. I sat down and started to talk as Aspen went to retrieve her guitar from the couch.

“We thought we would go an unexpected route and play off of Aspen’s doppleganger-“

“Is that like a disease or something?” Candy interrupted. I had to remind myself to not be mean.

“It’s a look-alike, usually a celebrity,” I replied to her before finishing, “Aspen did a really good job of coming up with an acoustically version and I did the lyrics.”

Aspen started to play the introductory chords as some of the girls squealed, recognizing the song. Carson started laughing.

“I hopped off the plane at L.A.X.

With a dream of a CD

Welcome to the set of a dating show,

Is he gonna to like me?”

I wasn’t a professional singer by any means. But I had a slightly unhealthy addiction to karaoke, from that I learned to ham everything up. I also knew from high school choir how to land on pitch, something Landry missed out on.

“Jumped in the boat,

Here I am for the first time

Look to my right and I see the light-up sign

These girls are so crazy

Nick doesn’t act so famous

My tummy's turnin' and I'm feelin' kinda home sick

Too much pressure and I'm nervous,

That's when that sexy man called my name down

And a Backstreet song was on

And a Backstreet song was on

And a Backstreet song was on

So I put my hands up

They're playing his song,

And the butterflies fly away

I'm sittin on ice like yeah

I'm walkin up hills like yeah

I got my hands up,

They're playing his song

I know I'm gonna be OK

Yeah, it's a party with Nick Carter

Yeah, it's a party with Nick Carter”

I stopped singing and let Aspen sing her part. I was hoping Nick understood why I left the butterfly part. We already had inside jokes, pathetic.

“Get to elim with my leather on

Everybody's looking at me now

Like "Who's that chick, that's rockin' kicks?

She gotta be from out of town"

So hard with these girls around me

It's definitely not Aspen’s party

'cause all I see are stilettos

I guess she never got the memo”

I took back over singing while Aspen continued to strummed away on her guitar. Most of the girls were clapping along at this point. I didn’t even look in Nick’s direction. I was scared I would forget all the words.

“My tummy's turnin' and I'm feelin' kinda home sick

Too much pressure and I'm nervous

That's when Carson yelled on the intercom

and a Backstreet song was on

and a Backstreet song was on

and a Backstreet song was on

So I put my hands up

They're playing his song,

And the butterflies fly away

I'm sittin on ice like yeah

I'm walkin up hills like yeah

I got my hands up,

They're playing his song

I know I'm gonna be OK

Yeah, it's a party with Nick Carter

Yeah, it's a party with Nick Carter”

Aspen and I sang the last part and chorus together.

“Feel like hidin' from a fight (from a fight)

Cause it’s going down tonight (down tonight)

They all want him all the time (all the time)

Then Carson plays his song and I feel alright

So I put my hands up

They're playing his song,

And the butterflies fly away

I'm sittin on ice like yeah

I'm walkin up hills like yeah

I got my hands up,

They're playing his song

I know I'm gonna be OK

Yeah, it's a party with Nick Carter

Yeah, it's a party with Nick Carter”

As we finished, all the girls stood up and clapped wildly. Cindy was passed out at this point. I forced Aspen to bow with me before we walked to the front of the stage.

Carson was the first to speak, “I’m glad there was a group that knew what the word parody means. It was really clever of you, Aspen to do a Miley song. And I was flattered that I was mentioned in it. Nick, your thoughts?”

Nick sat up a little straighter and propped his foot on the opposite knee.

“I’m not going to lie. I may or may not know all the words to the original version. I thought it was hilarious and wished I could put it on iTunes. The butterfly part was cute, you probably didn’t realize how metaphorical the butterfly is.”

He looked right at me and paused, “The only thing I didn’t like about it is the fact that I’m not going to be able to get it out of my head.”

Aspen and I high-fived one another before returning to our seats.

Nick and Carson walked on stage and Carson began to speak, “I think it was clear who the winner was, Nick?”

“You’re going to have to answer to the rest of the guys because I’m going to be singing ‘Yeah, it’s a party with Nick Carter’ for months to come. Emily and Aspen”

I may have died a little. This beautiful man, was singing with his beautiful voice lyrics that I put together. And he thought my song was clever. Wooohooo!

Nick gave Aspen a hug then moved on to me. As hugged me he whispered in my ear, “You just had to use the butterflies, didn’t you.”

I just smiled at him and sang, “Yeah, it’s a party with Em-i-ly”

I was finally sitting down on the beautiful porch of some fancy restaurant  overlooking the Pacific Ocean. We arrived just in time to see the sun set into the horizon. And it looked like it was an especially pretty one.

We would have been here to see the whole thing but Kelsey had pitched the temper tantrum of all tantrums when she heard she wasn’t going on the date. Her migraine had magically gone away and she didn’t understand why she didn’t get to go when her team had won the challenge.

Hmm, maybe because you didn’t do anything? Weird how that works out.

Instead of listening to her scream, Aspen and I just told the producer to let her go. I threw in the idea that when the others found out, it would be great TV drama. That caused him to immediately agree.

So we were sitting here an hour later…Aspen, Kelsey, Nick and I.

“Can I get a scotch on the rocks? Actually, just bring two,” Aspen told the waiter as he took our drink order.

“Should you be drinking that much?” Kelsey snapped at Aspen, who snapped right back.

“Yes mom, I’m tired. From actually doing something today. If you want to go little girl, push me some more.”

That shut Kelsey up. Nick and I just kind of looked at one another awkwardly.

“So…Nick what’s your most awkward date moment?” I asked. I was curious if his answer was going to be, this show.

Nick chuckled a bit while the waiter set down our drinks.

He then answered, “It’s really weird and kind of complicated, so you have to promise you won’t laugh.”

Aspen started laughing, “Oh this better be good blondie.”

“I went out with a group of friends. One of the guys in the group was suppose to be set up, but his date didn’t show. I guess his friends forgot to tell him. He spent the whole night talking and hanging around me. I figured out at the end of the night that he was gay and thought I was the guy he was suppose to be set up with. Well, I figured it out when he basically attacked me and tried making out with me.”

We were all hysterically laughing, along with Kelsey cooing, “You’re so cute Nicky.”

“Are you sure that wasn’t my brother? He would kill to be in that guy’s shoes.” I joked.

“I would hope I’m more observant now to not let that mix up happen again. I just thought the guy was cool!”

“That’s why I choose not to discriminate lovers based on what sex they are. You never know who’s going to rattle your bones.” Aspen said to Nick before winking.

I started choking slightly on my water. This woman never stopped shocking me.

“Seriously Aspen? That’s just gross. God made Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve,” Kelsey said.

I shoved some salad in my mouth, mostly so I didn’t say something I’d regret. I’ll let Aspen handle this one.

“Welcome to the 21st century and you better get used to it. As Bob Dylan said, ‘Times they are a changing’.”

I’m pretty sure that was actually a quote from Anchorman and Bob Dylan never said that. I wasn’t going to argue about it or anything. I looked over at Nick who was extremely interested in his salad.

“I’m sorry but gay people are trying to ruin marriage. They’ll make it gross and unnatural. It’s disgusting.”

Okay, I couldn’t keep my mouth shut anymore.

“So you’re telling me, that my brother is so disgusting that he should never be allowed to get married to someone? You have a lot of nerve to say things like that when I just said my brother is gay and she said she was bisexual,” I motioned toward Aspen.

Kelsey just looked at me as I continued, “Do you even realize that if my brother’s partner legally adopts a child, and then if that partner dies. The child goes into social services? My brother has zero rights to a child he raised? And my brother would also have no rights to visit his partner in the ICU or have any say in treatment.”

Kelsey opened her mouth to say something but I just held up my hand.

“The sooner people like you realize that they are not God and shouldn’t decide the rights of others, the sooner this will be a better country.”

Aspen started clapping, “Keep your dumb opinions to yourself little girl” She then motioned for more drinks from the bartender.

Kelsey just sulked in her chair, while the three of us happily chatted away throughout the rest of dinner.

When dessert came, Nick took Aspen for some one-on-one time. I was actually glad not to be separated from my crème burlee. But of course, I wasn’t going to get to enjoy my dessert in peace. The second they walked away, Kelsey started in one me.

“You know, I don’t appreciate you making me look stupid in front of Nick.”

“I didn’t put those words in your mouth.” This girl was getting on my last nerve.

‘Why couldn’t you just keep your mouth shut?” She glared at me.

“Because you were insulting my own brother. He is ranked a little bit higher in my book than Nick.” I hoped my sarcasm wasn’t lost on her but I had to be realistic on that one.

“Whatever, just watch out.” With that, she crossed her arms and sat back. We sat in silence for a good five minutes before Aspen and Nick joined us again.

He then disappeared again with Kelsey this time. The wait was much more relaxing with Aspen. I had actually had a fun day with her. As much as I wanted to ask about their one-on-one time, my manners held me back. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to know if they had a connection or was just curious what they had actually talked about.

“We just talked about guitars and music,” she said. It was like she could read my mind.

“Oh, I mean, that’s between ya’ll two. You don’t have to tell me.” I was suddenly uncomfortable around her, now that I remembered she knew about Nick and I’s midnight chat.

“I’m telling you, because I like you.”

My eyes bulged out of my head.

“No, not like that. You’re not my type at all. Too vanilla, even though I’m sure you’re crazy in the sack with all that passion you unleashed on Kelsey.” She finished off one of the drinks that had mysteriously appeared right as she returned.

I could feel my face turn bright red. I didn’t know what to say to that, thank you?

She kept talking, “I just mean that I’m not really not sure how I feel about this whole thing. And if you and Nick actually have a real connection, then I’m not going to be the one to ruin that. Plus, the second these crazy ass bitches find out, you’re going to need some back up.”

So does this mean we were in an alliance? I watched enough Survivor to know about them, but I didn’t see how they helped on a dating show. I didn’t have time to about that when Kelsey and Nick walked back up.

“And with that the date is done…” He said and started to walk off.

“Hey! What about me?” I stood up and all thoughts of an alliance were gone.

“Ehh, I’m good.” He turned around and stood there all cute-like. I’m sure he learned that in boy band school.

I walked up to him and linked arms with him. Where did all this confidence come from? Must be the alliance I now had.

“Come on or I’ll track down that guy you went on the date with,” I said as we started walking down the side of the large patio. Even with my wedges, I still came up barely past his shoulder. How weird would it be if I was wearing flats? I wondered what it’s like to be tall. You can probably see everything.

“Earth to Emily, are you there?” He said waving his other hand in front of my face.

“Sorry, my mind was else where.”

He just laughed and replied, “You were probably thinking about how sexy I am.”

I could see him smirk in the soft glow of the lanterns that lined the ledge. I just rolled my eyes. It was one of the few times I wasn’t thinking that.

“You and that ego…”

We had now stopped and stood next to each other against the ledge. You could still see the waves crash against the shore in the dim light. It was way better than my noise machine at home.

“I have to say that it was pretty cool that you stood up for your brother like that.” He shifted his feet and scooted closer so that our arms were touching as they were propped up on the ledge.

I just kind of shrugged, “She has a right to her own opinion, but it just made me mad that she made that dig knowing about Aspen and my brother.”

“You just always seem cool as a cucumber, I didn’t expect it.”

“Where did you pick up that phrase? My grandma used to say that. Trying to learn my southern dialect?”

“Brian says it a lot, I probably picked it up from him. But honestly, you just seem so nice and polite.”

“I’m nice, but that doesn’t mean I’m a pushover. I told you the other night, gosh, that was just last night wasn’t it? I’m an onion full of layers.” It now seemed I had been up for five days.

“I’m definitely starting to believe you on that one, especially after that song today. You sure have a way of keeping me on my toes.”

“That’s how I work my magic. I keep you guessing, then I can swoop in and have my way with you.” I winked at him. Did I just really wink? I knew there was one of them that winked all the time. I hoped it wasn’t him. He probably thought I was mocking him.

We stood there for a moment in comfortable silence before he spoke again.

“Can I ask you a question without you getting mad?” He asked tentatively.

“Go ahead.” I wondered if his question was going to be sexual. I couldn’t be trusted with an appropriate answer if so.

“This is going to sound horrible, but you just seem so normal and well-grounded. Why are you on this show?”

I sighed and actually felt relief that I had the chance to be honest with him. I felt like I had been walking on eggshells trying to pretend I was a fan or that I wasn’t forced to be here.

“Honestly, my brother and my best friend signed me up. I didn’t even know until a week before the final casting out here. It’s not that I don’t want to be here. I just…,” I paused searching for the right words before further explaining. “I just think everything happens for a reason, so I’m open to find out whatever that is.” I was scared of his response. Who would have thought I would be scared to get sent home?

“That makes me feel so much better, you have no idea, “ He responded.

“I don’t know why. You get to skip off to your house, while I get to sleep with the crazies.”

He reached out his hand for mine as we started walking back to the others. I felt so comfortable with him. Comfortable, but still giddy. I felt like a freshman in high school and the cool senior decided to talk me.

“I’ll use my super secret pop star powers to keep them at bay.” Well, he ruined that analogy for me.

“You’re such a dork,” I told him.

“That’s how my magic works. I make you think I’m harmless then I swoop in and take advantage.”

“Woah, you’re not allowed to use my lines on me!” I shoved him away and kept walking. He stood there for a second then jogged back and threw his arm around my shoulders.

“Now that I know you’re not crazy, I won’t be going easy on you,” he joked.

“Bring it on,” I replied as we joined the others.

Kelsey’s mascara was smeared. She looked up at Nick’s arm around me. I could see mini laser guns in her eyes shoot at me, while Aspen was just smirking. She had four empty shot glasses in front of her. We had only been gone thirty minutes. I guessed the tension was too much for her. I hoped I didn’t miss a fight. Oh wait, I was busy flirting and receiving compliments from this gorgeous man. I’ll watch whatever happened when it aired on TV.

We all piled in van and I could swear Nick’s hand spent a little longer on my lower back. I looked back at him and he just smirked.

“Emily, get in the car! I’m tired!” Kelsey wined.

I hummed Taylor Swift’s ‘Enchanted’ the whole way home. It described my feelings perfectly. Leave it up to an 18 year-old to write songs about my life.

We pulled up to the mansion twenty minutes later to a surprisingly silent house. Kelsey stalked off toward the room that we did our IDI’s in, probably to talk bout how mean we were to her. Aspen and I went to the bathroom and found Candy sitting on the counter. She looked like she had the hangover from hell.

“How was it! You have to tell me everything! But keep it low, I have a horrible headache.”

Aspen and I just exchanged glances.

“It was certainly interesting.”

“Kelsey is going to get her ass beat,” Aspen spoke at the same time as me.

We gave Candy the scoop and Aspen thankfully kept mum on anything involving Nick and I.

We washed off our make up and headed to bed after Candy was satisfied with our gossip. I checked the itinerary to see what was in store for tomorrow. Thankfully, it was just elimination. I looked past to realized that the day after was the fourth challenge. That meant, only one more before I won my bet.

Did I really care about new shoes anymore? I started to get to know Nick and he was normal and funny and cute and goofy and…gosh, I could go on forever. After telling him how I really ended up on this show, I felt like a weight was lifted from my shoulders. He probably had people try and take advantage of him all the time.

Was I any different? Yeah it was just a dumb bet, but still. I was going to have to decide whether I was in it for the bet or in it for the possibility of something with Nick.

“Ughh!” I sighed as I pulled my eye mask over my eyes and forced myself to go to sleep. I could figure out that tomorrow.

For the first time while taping this show, elimination was uneventful. I wasn’t sure if it was because we were slowly filtering out the crazies, or if the crazies that were left were just tired.

Cindy was sent home. She shed a couple of tears and then left without the need of security. Then we got the best news ever.

We all got phone privileges! I felt like I was 13 years old again, and it was apparent by everyone squeals that I wasn’t the only one.

So I was sitting in the living room listening to all of the girls scream over who should go first.

“I should get to go because my mom goes to sleep early,” Candy tried to reason.

Kelsey, of course chimed in, “She’s in the same time zone as us, it’s 5 o’clock, nice try. My best friend, on the other hand just had a baby so I can’t call very late.”

Candy just plopped down on the couch, crossed her arms and pouted.

Brittany walked up to Kelsey and yelled in her face, “Leave Candy alone. I think her mom is a little more important than your skank ass friend.”

“Let me guess, you need the phone to call your AA sponsor?” Kelsey questioned as she put her hands on her hips.

The screaming stopped and we all just looked at Kelsey then to Brittany. Was there something we didn’t know?

“You get drunk at one challenge and suddenly you’re an alcoholic,” Brittany mumbled to herself before speaking again to Kelsey.

“I don’t have time to deal with your bullshit. Someone let me know when the phone is free,” she said as she walked out the room.

“We could just pull names out of a hat?” I suggested.

“Thank god some of us have brains in this house!” Megan said. She then scrambled to grab some paper and scribbled down names. Aspen grabbed a hot pink vase of flowers, emptied it next to the couch before tossing the papers into the vase.

As she pulled papers, Megan listed the names with a dry erase marker on the sliding glass door of a room that until now was empty.

The room was about the size of a bathroom, each wall was neon colored with a matching giant picture of Nick. The border was full of hand-drawn hearts. In the center was a heart-shaped bean bag that sat next to the most hideous phone. It was huge with a rotary dial and covered with hot pink fur.

I saw my name, four from the top and asked Jo, who was ahead of me to let me know when she was done.

I went to the fitness room to grab a yoga mat and walked outside. I was getting so sick of these supposed grown women. I lived in my sorority house for two years in college, and that was a cake walk compared to this. Of course, we were all friends and we weren’t prisoners deprived of technology.

One and half hours of yoga later, I felt amazing. I knew I was going to be sore in the morning. As I sat in the kitchen drinking some water, Jo walked in.

“I’m off the phone now.” She turned to walk out and I jogged to catch up to her.

“Oh thanks, how was it talking to your family and friends?” I asked.

She looked at me then quickly looked away, “It was fine, nothing to talk about.” She turned the corner and briskly walked back to her room.

I guess she didn’t want to share. That girl was strange. I could probably count on one of my hands, the amount of times I’ve heard her speak. I entered the room and slid the door shut. As I sat down I quickly dialed my brother, Andy’s number. What would I do if I didn’t remember the number? Would they not let me call anyone?

It rang a couple times before he answered, “Hello?”

“Hey Andy it’s me!” I was already excited hearing his voice.

“EMMYY! I’ve missed you so! Who knew I would actually miss you?”

“Gee thanks, what have you been up to?”

“Oh you know just this and that. I tried a seaweed facial the other day. Goodness, who cares about me! You’re the one stuck in a house with Hottie McSexy. Tell me everything!”

I was wondering how long it was going to take us to get back to that. Can’t I just pretend I’m in the real world again?

I then told him about all the girls before adding, “I think you would even get sick of the drama here.”

“It can’t be that bad pookie. Just play the game with those girls. How’s my hubby Nick doing?”

I laughed, “You know I don’t play mind games. Nick is very nice.”

“Ohh I know you, that sounds like something happened! Did ya’ll do it already? I know you occasionally can get wild and have fun.”

I groaned into the phone.

“No, we haven’t even kissed. He’s surprisingly really nice, normal and smart. And—“

“And gorgeous! Hit that shit!” He never could let me finish a thought with out interrupting.

“Oh heavens, be quiet. You know nothing is going to happen.”

“And why is that Ice Princess?”

“I’m not an ice princess. I’m just saying that I doubt anything is going to happen.”

“Because you won’t let it?

“What is that suppose to mean?” We were not going to have this conversation right now. This was suppose to be a break from this crazy house.

I heard him sigh, “You know exactly what I mean. Nothing is going to happen, because you’ve already decided nothing is going to happen. You’re heart is like a freakin’ hallway of gates that you completely control who gets in.”

“That’s ridiculous. I’m glad I called to get yelled at.” What I wanted to tell him was ‘get out of my life’. Oh wait, he’s the one that pretended to be me, he obviously wouldn’t understand that concept.

“All I’m saying is that you need to go with the flow and let fate run it’s course”

“I’ll keep that in mind, Mr. Relationship Expert.”

“Don’t get all defensive, dear. This isn’t about me. If it was, I would already be in my French maid outfit dusting that man’s-“

“Stop, I’m getting a visual!” I looked up and saw Landry standing in front of the door holding up a piece of paper that said ‘5 minutes’ on it. I held up a thumbs up and she just rolled her eyes.

I spent the last five minutes listening to more lecturing from my brother. Of course, he thought he knew everything. Last time I checked his last serious relationship was in college four years ago. Hypocrite.

He still thought he was superior in the love department, superior enough to always tell me what I was doing wrong.

I thought talking to someone from my own life would make me happy, but I was just pissed off. I didn’t even care at this point if Nick was going to be outside tonight, possibly waiting for me. I doubted even his boyband charm would do anything to help my mood.

Yes, I was being melodramatic at this point, but I felt like no one understood me. My mother was constantly trying to push marriage and a family down my throat. During the last couple of years, my brother started in on the same. I just wanted them to get off my back. I didn’t need any knight in shinning armor to come and sweep me off my feet. My feet were happy on solid ground. Fairy tales were dumb and just made women unrealistic about life. I liked realistic.

I just stomped off to my room, found my prescription sleeping medicine that I rarely took, popped in a pill and went to sleep. 

I woke up the next morning feeling better. I wasn’t coughing up glitter and rainbows, but I managed to put a smile on my face. I was halfway through week two of being in this house, I had no idea where I had even managed to find that smile from.

It was challenge day and as I checked the itinerary my smile quickly left my face.

Challenge #5: Clothes and shoes will be provided for everyone. Any athletic support or brace required by staff medical team at time of pre-show screening must be worn.

He was a singer not a personal trainer. What was with all these physical events. Okay, so walking up a hill wasn’t that draining, but still.

Our room was unusually quiet as we all got ready. Candy had her hair in these ridiculous pigtails complete with pink bows before she finished her full face of makeup. I hoped our challenge had something to do with water. I was in a bad mood. Candy was nice to everyone, especially me. She didn’t deserve that, even if those thoughts were solely in my head.

Our outfits were brought to our rooms, black spandex shorts and sports bras. Really VH1? If we were wrestling in jello, KY jelly or anything else I was walking out.

“Please meet in the backyard in five minutes for today’s challenge,” Carson barked over the intercom.

I quickly changed and strapped on my knee brace as ‘required’. We all walked out of the room and headed outside.

Once outside, we were greeted by Carson in a white and black referee shirt and black pants. We were each handed cleats to put on. Nick was absent. He better not have broke free from this place.

After our shoes were on, we all just stood around waiting for whatever was suppose to happen. Just then Nick came running around the hedges on the far side of the yard. He looked like a little boy playing dress up. Definitely, a little boy because I couldn’t quite tell what exactly he was. His face was covered in red paint. He had on a pirate’s hat, eye patch and was carrying a red foam finger in one hand and red flag in the other. As he was running across the yard, he was yelling incoherently. I couldn’t tell if he was trying to be a pirate or a crazy person.

When he came into view I saw the logo of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers on his shirt. I did an inward squeal and stopped myself from jumping up and down. He wasn’t a crazy person, just a football fan. I grew up in Texas, high school football was everything. It was basically required by law to be a fan of football. The law was not needed to be enforced in my case, I loved football. It was something my dad and I had a deep bond over. I was the son he never had. Yeah, he had Andy but in his case, he was much more of a daughter.

“Arrrgh, are these women trying to steal me pirate booty, Cap’t Carson?” Nick struggled as he tried to keep character. I think he was just wanted to throw in the word booty. The rest of us just laughed at his ridiculousness.

Carson seemed not too keen on his part, but kept with it anyway.

“Ye must be mistaken. They just want a chance to win your heart.” He did a pretty good pirate voice for the first part, but just kind of lost it toward the end. At this point, Nick had obviously given up on his act and removed his eye patch.

“One thing that’s important to know is that if I’m going to date anyone, especially during the fall they have to appreciate football. Because I will be watching it, talking about it, thinking about it, and tweeting about it from the time pre-season starts until the Super Bowl.”

Carson then started to talk, “You’ll be placed into two teams, the Black team and the Blue team, named after the Backstreet Boys third US album. You will then get an hour to practice and then it’s game time.”

As our names were called we were handed jerseys and flags. I took my blue jersey and walked toward Megan who was the only person on my team so far. Candy and Brittany joined our team and our hour started.

“First thing’s first, who knows how to play four-on-four?” I asked.

Candy was the first to reply, “We’re playing flag football, not whatever you said.”

Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything. I quickly explained that we were playing four people against four so that’s what it was called. Brittany disappeared and then returned with paper and a pencil.

“I played on an intramural league in college, but I only run and catch the ball, so I hope you can write some plays…and throw,” she said as she handed me the paper and pencil.

“You just became my new best friend,” I replied before Candy let our a moan and crossed her arms.

I turned to her, “Don’t worry, you’ll catch on. Plus you took out Lacey like a champ, defense will be all you.” Her face lit up. That totally made up for the mean thoughts I had about her earlier today.

Brittany and I took turns explaining the quick basics to Megan and Candy before getting started with running routes. It wasn’t the NFL by any means, but we would manage.

I was a little worried when I saw the look in Candy’s eyes when I explained to her that her role would be to guard me, the quarterback, from the other team. I wasn’t sure if she understood the concept or just didn’t like the fact that she wouldn’t get to tackle anyone.

For the last five minutes we just stood around throwing the football back and forth to loosen up. I noticed Nick out of the corner of my eyes sitting on a couch that had magically appeared on the sidelines. He looked very comfortable and still had his foam finger on.

I had completely forgotten about him before but now I could feel the butterflies form in my stomach as he looked over and waved. I just looked at him for a minute before I remembered to wave back. Pull it together Emily!

I watched the other side of the yard for a few moments to see how our opponents measured up. Kelsey was fast, but she couldn’t catch a ball to save her life. Aspen looked like she would rather be shot than go through even five more minutes of this. Jo wasn’t bad, from what I could tell she would most likely be quarterback. Landry seemed pretty decent too. I’m sure she knew Nick liked football long ago and had since became a fan.

Carson called us all together to explain the rules once more. I couldn’t tell what kind of mood he was in. They were usually extremely clear cut; TV Carson and Angry, Real-Life Carson. For once just seemed normal. Maybe his botox had done something for his mood.

“Each team was given a copy of all the rules, but I just want to reiterate that this is flag football. That means no tackling. Each quarter will last fifteen minutes. Nick will be doing the official coin toss to see who gets the ball first.”

Nick walked up, “I’ve always wanted to do this.” He pulled a quarter from his pocket and flipped it. Landry and Brittany each called out a side while it flew in the air toward the ground.

Nick behind over to look at it. My eyes might have strayed toward his butt for a couple of seconds. Okay, I was totally checking him out. He was right there.

“It’s heads! Team Blue gets the ball,” he handed the ball to Brittany before continuing, “Remember please be careful ladies. You are all too beautiful to get hurt.”

As we all awed over his comment, he took off toward the couch with Carson. There was an actual real referee for our game. I guess Carson’s outfit was just for show.

I motioned for our team to huddle up for a pep talk. Nick’s back end was a thing of the past. I was in full game mode.

“We got this guys, just focus. Candy, remember to keep your hands behind your back.”

“Megan keeping looking at Emily in case I can’t get open, she can’t run in four-on-four so it’s up to you and me,” Brittany added.

Megan nodded and Candy spoke up, “Do we get to all put our hands in and yell something?”

Brittany laughed and nodded, “It’s all you Candy.”

Candy thought for a moment and then stuck her hand out while we all placed our on hers.

“Goooo Nick’s Blue team!”

We all just shrugged and then repeated it. We were all off and it ended up sounding like a jumbled mess. Oh well, hopefully our game will be better.

I yelled hike and Candy spiked the ball to me. I took a couple steps back and looked around. Brittany was already halfway down the field, so I quickly threw it toward her. Holy crap, she was fast. I was going to throw out my shoulder getting it to her.

She caught the ball and ran right into the end zone then proceeded to curtsy for everyone. Boom goes the dynamite!

We lined up at defense. Seconds later, the ball bounced off Landry’s fingertips and right toward my chest. I cradled the ball and took off running a couple of yards before Jo pulled my flag.

The first half continued in this fashion until the whistle blew, signaling halftime. We walked to our respective sides to get water, while Nick joined us.

“Brittany, I’m going to need you to slow down out there. It’s a little ridiculous.” He winked at her. She flung her long brown ponytail behind her shoulder and just shrugged.

“I’m sure you give me more of a challenge,” she said in a low voice.

Nick chuckled at her and then elbowed me, “I know I should have learned not to be shocked by you, but you said you had no athletic talent.”

I took a drink of water before replying, “I know football and I’m good at strategy. I just throw the ball down the field and Brittany gets to it. And Candy’s giving me the time. My talent is an optical illusion.”

He looked down at me and rolled his eyes.

“Whatever you say, I’m going to head over and give the other team a pep talk.” He smiled at me before leaving.

As he walked across the make-shift field I wistfully imagined him in tight football pants and me giving him a slap on the butt. What? It’s what football players do. I continued to daydreaming about Nick until the whistle blew signaling half time over.

We went back on the field and the other team just looked pissed, even Aspen. But I think she was pissed to still be playing. Landry walked over to Kelsey and whispered in her ear before lining up. They had been complaining the whole first half about us playing unfair.

I yelled hike, caught the ball and that’s the last thing I remember before everything went black.