Chapter Two

“Doc Perry called you a hero.”

Julie snorted and looked away from Luke, one of the nurses in the emergency department. She had known Luke for a long time. She attended nursing school with him and after graduation, they had both ended up getting jobs at the same hospital. They hadn’t been friends in school but they had bonded over being the new kids. Luke, a huge tattooed man, intimidated a lot of the older patients. Julie, however, knew him for what he was. He was a kind, caring man and a loyal friend. He was so loyal that he was spending a rare break sitting next to Julie in the employee lounge trying to calm her nerves.

“I panicked, Luke. I could’ve screwed up majorly. I was so scared...”

Luke lifted a shoulder at her in a shrug, “The dude’s alive, isn’t he? Thanks to you. You’re not an EMT, you weren’t working and it was the only time you’ve ever been the first on a scene like that. You did good, Jules.”

Julie sighed and nervously shoved strands of red hair behind her ears. She was exhausted and covered in blood, both Brian’s and her own. One of the nurses had gotten her feet bandaged up but they still throbbed with pain. She had also had to get stitches in her chin where a piece of glass had cut into her. Julie hadn’t even felt the wound. The adrenaline had long since worn off though and she was ready to crash. She wanted nothing more than a hot shower, clean clothes and her soft, king sized mattress. It would have to wait though. The hospital was having difficulties contacting Brian’s wife and she couldn’t just leave him alone. He wasn’t a stranger and Julie knew that she would feel guilty if she left. Brian had never thought much of Julie and she wasn’t sure just how much he would appreciate her being there, but she just couldn’t bring herself to walk out.

Dr. Perry had assured her earlier that Brian Littrell was going to be just fine. It would take him a month or two to recover, and he’d probably be left with a few scars, but he would recover with no lasting effects. It had been relieving to hear. Not only for Brian’s sake but also because she hadn’t spoken to AJ or any of the guys in years, and she’d hate for their reunion to be because of bad news. She did wonder what Brian would say to her if she was still the only one there when he woke up. She was nervous about his reaction.


“Is it money that you want?”
Julie’s forehead creased in confusion as she stared at Brian, “I’m sorry?”
“Why are you here?”
From where she sat, Brian towered over her and the hostility radiating from him was a little nerve-wracking. “I came to see AJ. You know? My best friend?”
“He doesn’t want to see you, Julie. And you already know how the rest of us feel. You’re not welcomed here and need to leave.”


“Hey, Jules?” A short, older woman stuck her head inside the break room and interrupted Julie’s thoughts. Julie smiled warmly at the older nurse, one of her mentors. It was lucky that Brian had been brought to the same hospital that she worked at, the familiar environment and friends helped to ease her mind. “Littrell’s awake. Doc asked me to come and get you.”

“Is his wife here yet?” Julie asked, looking at her with a flicker of hope. Maybe Leighanne Littrell had already arrived and she could just leave quietly and avoid the whole impending meeting.

Nurse Carol shook her head, “They still haven’t been able to get in touch with her. She doesn’t even know yet. They did reach someone else listed as an alternative emergency contact.. Nick somebody.. he said he would try to reach her as well. He apparently knows you too.”

“Carter... Nick Carter,” Julie replied, her voice stiff. She jerked her eyes up to the clock. She had to get out of there. The more she thought about it, the more she realized that she just wasn’t prepared to see any of them again. Of all people, it had to be Brian. It could’ve been anyone at that intersection but it had been him. Julie felt like God was laughing at her. She had moved on from the damned Backstreet Boys years ago and she didn’t want to go back down that road.

Carol was staring her down though, and Julie knew she wasn’t going to have a choice. There was no use in arguing with her. “Perry says to come now. The police are in with him too.”

Julie clumsily rose from the sofa with Luke’s help. The nurses had tried to get her to use a wheelchair but she had scoffed at it. So her feet were cut up, nothing was broken and she could walk just fine. It was painful though, and Julie wished she hadn’t been so stubborn about it. Carol led the way to Brian’s room and Julie lumbered behind her, feeling as if she was being so noisy that she would disturb the other patients. No one said anything though. Outside of Brian’s room, Nurse Carol didn’t hesitate and shoved the door open. Julie, however, closed her eyes and took a deep breath. The logical side of her was screaming at her, saying she had nothing to be nervous about. If Brian reacted poorly to her presence, it would only serve to make him look bad. The emotional side was the one winning out though, the side that made her feel as if it was 10 years ago and she was still the lost young woman that had desperately wanted Brian's approval.

“There she is, just the woman we were looking for.” Julie opened her eyes and forced a smile towards Dr. Paul Perry, a young doctor that she worked with often. She glanced inside the room and found several pairs of eyes staring back at her. There was Dr. Perry, Nurse Carol, two police officers that she didn’t recognize and lying in the hospital bed was Brian. He looked at her at first without recognition, but after a few seconds his face seemed to register who he was looking at. He didn’t look pleased to see her. She glanced down at her bandaged feet and her blood stained clothes. She wondered what he was thinking.

“We were just filling Mr. Littrell here in on what happened. He doesn’t seem to remember anything after he left his home,” Dr. Perry started, ushering her inside and closing the door firmly behind them. “We were hoping since you were there, you might be able to help us fill in the details.”

“You?” Brian said, speaking for the first time since she arrived. His voice was weak but the disdain was clear. Julie sighed, he obviously hadn’t changed a bit in the five years since she had last seen him. She suddenly regretted her choice to stay, this was not going to be fun.

Dr. Perry cleared his throat and shot a questioning look at Julie before continuing, “Mr. Littrell, you were going north on Monroe when a drunk driver plowed into you from the driver’s side of your car. You are extremely lucky to be alive.”

“I’ve never seen someone survive an accident like that,” one of the police officers added but Brian didn’t respond. He was staring at her with such a contemptuous look that it made Julie uncomfortable.

“Drunk driving? Are you serious?” Brian asked, his unwavering stare still directed at her. Julie raised an eyebrow in confusion and glanced at Carol, who shrugged her shoulders. “Julie Young,” Brian continued with a sarcastic laugh. “Such a coincidence, huh?” The dry laughter stopped and he looked at her in anger. “I have a son now. Did you know that? You were always so selfish and reckless, not caring about anyone but yourself.”

It was then that Julie understood what Brian was thinking. He hadn’t been told the whole story yet and had probably only heard exactly what Julie had just heard. And Brian saw her, heard the words “drunk driver” and assumed that it had been her that hit him. He thought that the reason she had been at the scene, like Dr. Perry had referred to, was because she was the one that had almost killed him. Her own injuries and blood covered clothing didn’t help, she could definitely pass as a person who had been involved in an accident.

“Mr. Littrell, I think you--”

“Get her out of my room,” Brian interrupted. He spoke with such venom that tears formed in Julie’s eyes. He really did think she was a truly awful human being.

“Mr. Littrell, perhaps you’d better hear the rest of the story.”

Julie held up her hand to stop Dr. Perry. She noted all the shocked faces in the room as she walked out without a word, closing the door silently behind her. She heard the click of the door being fully shut and then the tears started to fall. It was too much for her. First the accident, then her self criticism and second guessing, the waiting for Brian to wake up and now this. She wanted to go home. She turned around and limped out of the emergency department doors without another word or glance to anyone.

Chapter Three
January 27, 2001

“Jesus Christ, your eyes are huge. You ok?”

Julie giggled at AJ McLean’s concerned expression. “As if yours aren’t? Chill the hell out.”

AJ picked up his sunglasses that had been haphazardly thrown on the table and slid them on, despite being inside a dim hotel suite. He was shirtless and barefoot, dressed only in a pair of worn jeans. He looked like he had been up all night and his wild hair was an uncombed mess. “It’s fucked up, you know. You’re like my little sister. I feel like a god damned prick right now. It’s killing my buzz, to be honest.”

“Whatever.” Julie rolled her eyes, “So melodramatic.”

AJ didn’t respond, he just shook his head. He had such a pensive look on his face that Julie couldn’t help but laugh at him. “Fuck off. Look, it’s--” He roughly picked up her arm from across the table and glanced at her watch, “Jesus. I was supposed to be at sound check ten minutes ago.”

“Guess you’d better get going, Mr. Backstreet Boy,” Julie said with mock seriousness.

AJ quickly showed her his middle finger. “Clean this shit up before someone sees it,” he commanded, motioning towards the table that was littered with an assortment of drugs and related paraphernalia. “I’m gonna hop in the shower.”

Julie saluted him with one hand and held a cigarette in the other. She watched him stalk off towards the bathroom and she rolled her eyes again. It wasn’t exactly the most romantic morning-after that she had ever experienced, that was for sure. In her head, Julie took a moment to picture cuddling in bed with AJ after a night of passionate love making. She laughed out loud at the thought and stubbed her cigarette out. She reached across the table and picked up the half-smoked joint AJ had left behind. After lighting it, she took a long, deep drag before sitting back in her chair. She wondered why he was being so moody, it wasn’t the first time that things had gotten out of hand.

When AJ had called her last night, Julie had been surprised to hear from him. He had apparently forgotten to mention that the Backstreet Boys were going back on tour.  He had sent a car around for her, making Julie feel like a rock star, and they had hung out all night. It started off innocent enough. The plan had been a few drinks at the hotel bar followed by some good old fashioned club-hopping. AJ ended up drinking a little more than she was used to seeing though and then he hooked up with a local group of sketchy people. They all went back to AJ’s swanky hotel room and his new friends busted out all kinds of drugs. Julie wasn’t a stranger to drugs, she ran in AJ’s crowd right alongside him, but she had been a little overwhelmed by the sheer quantity. She had relaxed though as the night went on and she got more and more wasted. She loved hanging with AJ, she always felt safe and never had any of the paranoia issues that she normally experienced while partying.

A fight had broken out at some point during the night. Julie had been so out of it that she couldn’t remember the reason why, but everyone else had ended up splitting, leaving AJ and Julie alone. AJ hadn’t wasted any time taking advantage of that opportunity. He had slammed the door on his now ex new friends and then turned around and, without warning, shoved Julie against the stark white wall. He kissed her roughly, pulling her curly hair and sinking his teeth deep into her pale skin. Julie had responded to him by wrapping her legs around him. Certain drugs made her horny and she knew they had the same effect on AJ. It wasn’t the first time they had ended a crazy night by having painful, bruise-forming sex. They didn’t have feelings for each other beyond friendship, it was only that the other was there, available and familiar. There was no love involved and Julie used him just as much as he used her.

Julie was just finishing up the last of the joint when a loud knock startled her. She eyed the door warily but didn’t make any move to answer it. Whoever it was had a key though, it opened a few seconds later without her assistance.

A female voice, nervous and shrill, was the first one Julie heard. “You can’t just barge into his room!”
“Watch me,” a male voice responded, clearly agitated.

Two very blonde people appeared in the doorway of the suite’s living room and Julie sighed. She recognized the Littrells instantly. Talk about a buzz kill. “He’s in the shower,” she told them flatly, hoping the pair would go away and leave her alone.

Leighanne smiled at her hesitantly, but the smile didn’t quite reach the woman’s eyes. Brian, on the other hand, completely ignored her presence. He walked around, picking up various objects and examining them for several minutes before stopping in front of the large window. Julie watched him look out towards the street. He had a distant look on his face and for the first time ever, Julie realized that Brian was looking old and tired. He took a deep breath, breaking the drawn out silence, and turned towards her. “What the hell happened to you, Julie?” Brian asked her. There was no anger in his voice, just a quiet sadness.

“Huh?” Julie looked at him in confusion. She wasn’t used to Brian speaking to her at all, much less with such sympathy. She didn’t want his concern though, it was insulting. He had never even given her the time of day so it just came across as an act of superiority. He could take his pity and shove it.

Brian shook his head and turned back towards the window. “When I first met you, you were a good kid.”

Julie remembered. It had been a sunny summer day when she and her mother had flown to Orlando. She had been 14 at the time and they were visiting her mom’s friend, Denise, and her son. She had known AJ her whole life, her mom told her they had played together when she was a baby. As far as Julie could remember though, they had never been particularly close. Julie and her parents moved to Atlanta when she was three years old and they only saw their friends in Florida a couple of times per year after that. That all changed during that visit though. AJ had been about to head off to Europe with his band and Julie had found it all incredibly exciting and glamorous. The two teenagers kept in touch with letters and phone calls and became close friends over the following years. She had met all the “boys” that week. They had all been friendly and nice to her. She especially had enjoyed spending time with Nick, since they were the same age.

“You don’t know me,” Julie hissed at Brian. She didn’t want to have this conversation with him or with anyone else. It was true, back then she appeared to be a straight, clean cut kid. She went to church, she was on the honor roll, she was even in the marching band. Her friends were similar, their idea of a good time had been driving to their rival’s football games to check out their band shows. Despite her promising future, Julie had been miserable and unhappy. Three years later, the summer before her senior year of high school, Julie became a completely different person. It baffled a lot of people. The few people who bothered to actually talk to her, instead of just whisper about her behind her back, never got any answers. Julie never spoke about it and as far as she was concerned, if someone didn’t like the new her, they could screw off. Now Julie was almost 21, and she cared even less about what people thought of her.

Brian nodded, gazing out. “You’re right, I don’t know you. I don’t really care to either.”

“Brian!” Leighanne gasped at her husband’s harsh words.

Brian waved her off, “I don’t have the time or the energy. My concern is for AJ alone... he gives me enough to worry about. Sorry if that’s mean but it is what it is. And from where I’m standing, all I can see is that this girl just drags him down further. Some best friend.”

Chapter Four
Present Day

Brian didn’t like the way everyone was staring at him. Dr. Perry was giving him a look of disproval, the Hispanic nurse was looking downright hostile and the cops just appeared to be confused. He sighed deeply and looked up at the white ceiling. His head was fuzzy, it was the only thing the morphine seemed to be affecting because his other injuries were still agonizing. He didn’t want to know what his body would feel like without the painkillers. “Where’s my wife?” Brian asked, not moving his gaze from the ceiling.

“We haven’t gotten in touch with her yet,” the short Hispanic nurse responded. Brian couldn’t remember her name or if she had ever even told him. “We’ve tried her cell phone and home line several times.”

Brian pursed his lips together. It was odd that Leighanne seemed to be unreachable, she had been at home when he had driven off earlier. He thought maybe it was for the best anyway. He wasn’t sure how he would react to her, especially with his mind so unclear. He didn’t want to say something he would end up regretting.


“Brian? Can we talk?”

Brian looked up from the TV immediately at the sound of Leighanne’s anxious voice. He frowned when he saw her. She looked worried. She was pacing slowly, her glossy blonde hair was pulled up in a ponytail and it bounced with every step she made. “Hey? What’s wrong, honey?” He grabbed the remote and shut off the TV before taking her hands and pulling her down into his lap. “What’s up?”

Leighanne began to cry suddenly, startling Brian. She buried her head into his shoulder and mumbled something inaudible into his shirt.

“Sweetheart, I can’t hear you.. talk to me. Come on..,” Brian cooed to her softly. He rubbed her back and wondered what could possibly be wrong. Only ten minutes ago she had gone upstairs to take a bath and she had seemed perfectly fine then.

After a moment of sniffing, Leighanne picked her head up. She wouldn’t meet Brian’s eyes with her own, she looked off to the side instead. “Brian... While you...,” she paused, trying to find the right words and Brian patiently waited. “I don’t think we should go out with the Taylors tonight,” she finally stated.

Brian shrugged, “Ok, whatever you want is fine with me.” He looked at her, his eyebrows knitted in confusion. Jake and Amanda Taylor were their next door neighbors, at least as “next door” as you can be in their neighborhood. The large mansions had even larger yards. Jake was a retired pro baseball player and Amanda was his much younger wife. They were nice people and Brian and Leighanne often went out to dinner with them.

“That’s it?” Leighanne looked at him, anger creeping into her face. She stood up and walked a few feet away. “Aren’t you going to ask why?”

Brian rubbed his forehead with his thumb and index finger, he could feel a headache forming. “Sorry, of course. Why don’t you want to go out tonight?” He had wrongly assumed that if Leighanne wanted to talk about, she would. He had already asked her to and Brian didn’t want to push her.

She turned around to face him, her ponytail whipping behind her. Her eyes flashed with emotion. “Why don’t you just admit that you don’t care? You don’t care about me at all!”

“Huh?” Brian was on his feet before he realized it. “Wait just a minute, where do you get that from? What is this really about, Leighanne? You know I care about you. I love you.”

Leighanne turned her back to him once more. Brian had to strain to hear as her voice lowered to a whisper, “You’re never here, Brian. You’ve been touring so much... Baylee and I can’t go with you all the time like we used to, he’s growing up and has lessons and practices that he can’t miss.” She sighed and wiped at the tears in her eyes.

“Honey, I know. It’s hard but we’ll work it out,” he spoke softly and wrapped his arms around her from behind. He wanted to comfort her because he understood. The last tour had been hard for him as well. He loved his job and his band. He loved to sing and perform, but he‘d been doing it for a long time and he was getting tired of life on the road. “We’ll come up with something that makes everyone happy. The other guys have been wanting to do their own things anyway. We’ll figure it out, ok? But what does this have to do with the Taylors?”

“You know how you asked Jake to check up on me every once in awhile? I was so lonely, Brian. I missed you so much and I was feeling so depressed. Baby, I’m so sorry,” Leighanne turned around in his arms. Tears were pouring freely and her lips trembled as she spoke. “I love you, Brian. So much.. we can work it out, we can go to counseling or.. whatever you want, just give me another chance.”

Brian dropped his arms to his side and he felt a weird sensation in his stomach as he listened. “What are you saying? Did you sleep with him?”

Leighanne nodded slowly, “Just once, Brian.. and it was such a huge mistake. I wish I could take it back! I.. I had to tell you the truth.. but please, it was just once and it won’t ever happen again.” Desperate, she grabbed his hand and held on to it.

Brian looked down at his wife’s hand intertwined with his. Her wedding band sparkled up at him and he jerked his hand away. “I have to go,” he said, stiff and emotionless. He didn’t bother to look at her as he grabbed for his jacket and keys. Brian didn’t feel the rain as he walked the short distance between his back door and his car. He didn’t feel the cold whipping around him angrily. He couldn’t feel anything, inside of him or out.


“Excuse me, sorry for the interruption,” a large man dressed in scrubs apologized as he entered Brian’s room. “How you doing, sir?” He asked quickly, out of politeness. Brian nodded, recognizing the gesture for what it was. The man appeared to be in a hurry and he didn’t linger on the small talk. “Ms. Carol, sorry to interrupt but Nick Carter is on the phone again. He wants to talk to Jules but I can’t find her anywhere.”

“Julie went home,” Carol responded as she adjusted Brian’s IV. “Thanks to him.” She gave Brian a cold, pointed look.

He didn’t know why she was upset, but Brian knew it wasn’t good to piss off the woman responsible for sticking needles in him. “I’m sorry. Is Julie Young a friend of yours?”

Nurse Carol scoffed at him. Dr. Perry placed a reassuring hand on Carol’s shoulder to quiet her. She turned away from Brian and Dr. Perry answered for her. “I’m sorry, Mr. Littrell. Carol and Julie work together often. We’re a close team here, like family. Some of us take it a little personally when--”

“Julie works here?”

Dr. Perry nodded, ignoring the rude interruption. “Miss Young has worked in the Emergency Department here at Atlanta General for just over a year now. She’s one of our finest new nurses. And she saved your life,” he added at the end, peering at Brian curiously.

“A nurse? That’s not the Julie I know. And what do you mean she saved my life? Isn’t she the one that hit me?”

“No,” Dr. Perry answered. He kept a professional tone as he replied. “She’s the one that called 911. She also performed first aid on you and kept you alive before the ambulance came and the EMTs took over. I’m not sure what makes you think she was the drunk driver involved. If she was, the police here would have arrested her and taken her down to the station. The man that hit you tried to flee the scene but they caught him. He was also driving a stolen vehicle.”

“Oh.” Brian slowly let out a breath he had been holding and closed his eyes. He tried to understand what the doctor was telling him but Brian couldn’t comprehend Julie as anything but a bottom feeder. He vaguely recalled her angrily shouting at him the last time he had seen her five years ago. She had said something about not needing money, that she was going back to school and taking care of herself. Brian hadn’t thought much of it then, he had just wanted her to go away before anyone else had realized she was there. He hadn’t wanted AJ to see her and fall back into old habits. To him, Julie had always been just another one of AJ’s druggie friends.

Julie had apparently been telling him the truth though. He still couldn’t picture her as a nurse, but he knew it had to be true if they were saying it. He remembered the look on her face when he had kicked her out and Brian inhaled sharply. She had looked devastated at his accusations. He realized he would have to find her and apologize to her. Spending any time at all with her wasn’t on his top ten list of things to do when he got out of the hospital but it was his own fault for jumping to conclusions. Julie Young had saved his life. That was something that Brian never would have imagined in a billion years.